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Internet Message Format | 1998-11-30 | 513KB

From: "Ian and Tiff" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Moonlight Chat - 1/1 by Tiffany
Date: 02 Nov 1998 14:59:35 -0800

Title: Moonlight Chat - 1/1
Author: Tiffany Gregg
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Distribution: It'll be at my site.  If you'd like it for yours, just let me
know please.
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler Warning: none
Feedback: Would be most appreciated
Classification: BSR
Summary:  Spike and Buffy walk home from the Bronze and talk.

Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, FOX and Mutant Enemy.  I am making no money in writing this
and no copyright infringement is intended.

Authors note: This is the 5th part in my "Masquerade" series.  The previous
parts can be found at my site http://www.thegreggs.com/fanfic.htm

==========

Moonlight Chat
By: Tiffany
E-Mail me at: [e-mail]


The moon shone high over head as Spike walked Buffy home from the Bronze.
Spike looked over at the girl walking beside him and sighed to himself.  The
moonlight danced across her face, illuminating her perfect features and
making her eyes twinkle like the stars.

Buffy looked over at Spike and smiled.  "You're staring."

"Sorry Pet can't help myself." he replied giving her a lopsided grin.
"When I look at you, I...well, I just...I can't explain it.  Never mind." he
added in a rush and looked away.

Buffy stopped and turned Spike so they were facing one another.  "Please,
Spike.  Try and explain it.  Please?"  She put her hand on his cheek and he
instinctively nuzzled into her palm.  "I want to understand you.  I need to.
If we're going to make a go of what ever this is we're doing, we need to be
honest with one another."

Spike closed his eyes, took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.  When he
opened his eyes he found Buffy looking up expectantly at him.  Unable to
deny her anything, he resigned.  "Okay, Luv, you win...when I look at you
it's like, well, it's like basking in the sunlight on a summers day.  You
light up the dark places inside of me, Slayer."

"You sure know how to make a girls heart swoon." she replied smiling broadly
at him.  The smile on Buffy's lips fell abruptly when she noticed that he
was not returning the gesture.  "What is it?  What's wrong?" she asked
hesitantly.

"I wasn't finished, Luv."

"Sorry." she replied sheepishly.  "Please finish."

"Sometimes when I look at you" Spike paused briefly, "I am ashamed of what I
am, of the things I've done.  I have always enjoyed being a vampire, the
thrill of the hunt and all that rot you know.  But the kill, I just don't
enjoy it the way I use to.  Bloody hell, I've even left my last three
victims alive!"

Buffy gently stroked his cheek with her hand and looked him in the eyes.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were growing a soul." she
said softly.

"Not bloody likely, Pet." he snorted back at her.

Buffy couldn't help but giggle at the indignant expression on his face.

Seeing the laughter light her eyes, Spike could contain the urge to hold her
no longer.  He quickly pulled Buffy into his arms and kissed her
passionately before trailing tiny kisses across her jaw and down her neck to
her collarbone.  He nuzzled his face against her neck and groaned "Do you
know what you do to me, Slayer?  Do you know how you make me feel?"

"No, but if it's anything like how I feel when I'm near you...." she stopped
and blushed a brilliant shade of red.

Spike captured her lips once again.  This time sweeping his tongue past her
lips and gently caressing hers.  He snaked one hand up behind her to caress
the back of her neck.  His other arm went around her waist and pulled her in
tightly against him.

Pulling back from the embrace Spike said "Well, Pet, we best be getting you
home before your mum starts to worry."  Buffy was momentarily taken aback by
the love and longing shining back at her in his eyes.

She took his hands and smiled "I'm in no hurry.  Maybe we could go to
your place for a while?"

"Anything to make you happy, Luv."

"Anything?" she questioned with a glint of mischief in her eyes.

"Anything." he stated as calmly as he could.  His heart and mind were racing
trying to figure out exactly what she meant by 'anything'.

He gave her hand a little squeeze and started down the street to his place.
He had a feeling that this would be night to remember.

==========

The End.  (Masquerade Series - part 5)






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 03 Nov 1998 18:02:10 -0500 (EST)

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
to Buffy.  Crossovers are great, and expected, but general
vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't
use Buffy characters belong somewhere else.

2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
"DISCUSS" in your subject line.  Requests for missing story parts
should go directly to the author, and not be posted to the list.

Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
to the general Buffy list.  Discussion of fiction is expected to
follow common netiquette guidelines and use PG-13 language.

3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
and no posting of non-story items such as .gifs, sound files, etc..
No attached files of <any> kind-- if your mailer makes your fiction
into attached files, you need to find another way to get it to the list.

4. If you're writing a story and including advance information on a
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     **Mark the post as a "spoiler" in the subject header.
     **Leave about twelve lines (blank or with non-spoiler info) at
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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them a chance to see "spoiler" in the header.

Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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5.  This list is absolutely NOT for erotic fiction.  <Nothing> stronger
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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7.  When posting stories to the list, please follow the following
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--Turn off your "smart quotes"-- many readers receive these as garbage
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8. If a story is rated "R" for language/violence, indicate this in an
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PLEASE NOTE:  not following any or all of these rules will get you
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**If the offender returns and does it again, they're offlist
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As noted above, posting sexually explicit material is the exception --
you go straight to permanent unsubbing.

Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
contact either one of us offlist.  If you have subscription problems or
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Jill Kirby ([e-mail])
 &
sah ([e-mail])
Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  How to (un)s*bscribe
Date: 03 Nov 1998 18:02:07 -0500 (EST)

Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe
from the list or to change s*bscription options.

IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST:

You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest.

Send a message to [e-mail]

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You'll go through the same approval process that you got when you subbed to
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THE BUFFY FICTION LIST

To s*bscribe to the Buffy Fiction list, follow the same procedures as
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(or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest)







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: ~Ripe Wicked Plum~ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: SpikeFic: Paying the Piper (1/5)
Date: 04 Nov 1998 21:45:29 -0500

Title: Paying the Piper (1/5)
Author: ~Ripe Wicked Plum~ a.k.a. Goth Spike
E-mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: "Do you like it, Baby?"
Distribution: Spike's Spike, Spike Girls, all others, please ask first.
Rating: R (graphic violence and language)
Spoilers: Through DMP
Summary: Xander does wrong and must pay the price. Just so happens,
Spike is the bill collector. Includes my version of DMP.
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century
Fox, Sanddollar, Kuzui, the WB, et al. I own nothing but the combination
of words I use to tell the story.
Notes: Xander fans beware! This fic comes in response to Kyra's
challenge to make Xanderboy suffer. Thanks for thinking me worthy of it!

        "She came home today," he said to the back of the head.
        "When?" the blonde asked.
        "A little after one. She went straight to her mother's."
        "Leave me," the other responded, standing up.
        "But-"
        "Oh, right, you want your money," Spike said, turning around.
"Here,"
he continued, crossing the room and putting several hundred dollars into
the trembling palm of the nervous man before him. "Now leave."
        The smaller man took it, counted it, and turned to leave, only
halted
by the clipped British voice.
        "Oh, and, Willie, talk and I'll-"
        "Have my 'guts for garters'. I know the drill, Spike. Besides,"
he
said, pocketing the cash, "who am I going to tell?"
        Spike once again turned his back to Willie and heard his
footsteps grow
fainter and fainter. He walked over to the bed and paced before it,
glaring at the decor of the room. The sparse nature of his surroundings
disturbed him. It dripped of Angelus.
        He walked down the hall, knocking over the statues and vases
that
Angelus had treasured so much. He chuckled to himself as he heard them
shatter on the hard, marble floor. He turned a corner and readied
himself for the sights ahead. He hadn't been in this part of the house
in months. He stepped off of the hard floor and onto the carpet,
entering the room where Angelus had tortured the librarian. He paused
for a moment before parting the curtain. He stepped into the next room
and saw Acathla; the demon that Angelus had promised would end the
world.
        His mind drifted back to that morning. He remembered the
absolute joy
he felt as he beat his sire to near unconsciousness. He had landed
several good blows before he'd been interrupted by Drusilla. A smile
played at his lips as he remembered the elation he'd felt. The last time
he felt that way in months.
        "Didn't work out quite like you planned, eh, Angelus?" he said
to the
empty room. "You weren't countin' on 'Roller-boy' to switch sides, were
you?" He reached out and touched the stone demon. "Man, do I wish I
could 'ave seen the look on your face when she ran the two of you
through."
        The 'she' he spoke of was Buffy. Spike had come back to
Sunnydale only
a few days after leaving and found the Slayer gone and her friends
sitting ducks. Many nights he had watched them hunt his kind down only
to fail miserably at staking their foes. More often than not, he had to
stifle laughter while watching them. He almost felt sorry for the Scooby
Gang. After all, they were just normal kids. They didn't have the
strength or the technique required to do the job. He had to give them
credit, though; they were at least trying to fill in for the Slayer.
        Spike wondered where she was. Ever since their truce, he had
found
himself thinking about her more often than he cared to admit. The
thoughts had grown more frequent since Dru left. Dru hadn't understood
that he had done it for her. Drusilla never understood that everything
he did was for her. She wasn't able to see the big picture. All that
mattered to her was the moment. She only cared that 'Daddy' wasn't
around anymore. A smile crossed his lips as he thought of his sire
writhing in Hell.
        "That'll teach you, Angelus," he said, "I tried to tell you, but
you
wouldn't listen to me. Someone always gets hurt. Love'll kill you."
        He still didn't know exactly what had happened after he left.
All he
knew was that Buffy had managed to kill the love of her life and saved
the world from destruction. He had visited her mother and found out that
Buffy had run away. He had almost killed Joyce right then and there. She
had given Buffy no choice but to run away. The silly git had told her
not to come back if she left. Spike wouldn't blame her if she never came
back to Sunnydale. He knew she would, though. No matter how hard she
thought fighting demons was, it was nothing compared to fighting them
alone. No family. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's
left? Emptiness. Depression. Grief. She would be back. He had counted on
it. Today was the day.
        So the Slayer was back in town. He wondered how she would react
to him.
He didn't want to go back to being the hunter. Or was he the hunted? He
didn't know anymore. He didn't care, either. He just wanted for her to
look at him as more than an enemy. He wanted to look into those big eyes
of hers and see acceptance. He knew she was capable of it, after all,
she had loved Angelus. No she hadn't. She had loved Angel, not Angelus.
She would never accept him without a soul.
        "You know, some girls want a guy with a BMW. Me, I 'ave t' fall
for the
one who expects a bloody soul. What is it with you, Spike? First it's
crazy girls, now it's Slayers. When are you goin' to learn? Time to
start practicin' what you preach. Just kill the bitch and be done with
it," he said, casting a glance over his shoulder as he left the room.

~Ripe Wicked Plum~
--
Goth Spike/ICQ=2607806/Spike Girls/Spike4Sexiest/Spike's
Minions/Spuffy/Spike's Sweeties (#2)/SOOA[Major General (#5)]/I'm
Spike's Ducks/ Spikemania(I cherish Spike's chest)/Red Candy VP/Pres.
and founder of the Leo is a Bloody Whelp Club/Keeper of Spike's terms of
endearment and his gloves/Guardian of Spike's humanity, his amusement at
Buffy's Hallowe'en costume, and his ability to swallow his pride and
help Buffy



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ian and Tiff" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Mirror, Mirror... - 1/1 by Tiffany
Date: 05 Nov 1998 07:56:29 -0800

Title: Mirror, Mirror... - 1/1
Author: Tiffany Gregg
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Distribution: It'll be at my site.  If you'd like it for yours, just let me
know please.
Rating: PG-13 (Special edited edition)
Spoiler Warning: nothing really
Feedback: Would be most appreciated
Classification: BSR (with some angst)
Summary: Buffy and Spike make with the smoochies, but...

Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, FOX and Mutant Enemy.  I am making no money in writing this
and no copyright infringement is intended.

Authors note: This is the 6th part in my "Masquerade" series.  The previous
parts can be found at my site http://www.thegreggs.com/fanfic.htm (well,
part 5 isn't quite there yet). Also, this series takes place after BatB and
is a bit of an alternate Buffy-verse.

ALSO NOTE: This story has been edited from the original format that was
posted to BBETA so that it would fit the requirements (PG-13 cap) for the
BUFFYFIC list.

==========
Mirror, Mirror...
By: Tiffany
E-Mail me at: [e-mail]


Spike slowed as they approached an abandoned warehouse.  "Just bloody
terrific" he muttered stopping in his tracks.  Buffy looked up and saw
Spike's minions milling around the building.  "Well, Slayer looks like you
won't be getting a tour tonight." he said with a shrug.

Buffy thought for a moment.  "We could go back to my house?" she suggested
hopefully.

"I don't think your mum would be too glad to see me, Pet." he replied
seriously.

"She's out of town on another one of her buying tours for the gallery."

Spike's eyes glinted with mischief.  "Well, then. What are we waiting for,
Luv?"

Buffy closed the door behind them quickly when they reached her house and
threw herself into his arms.  Their mouths hungrily devouring one another,
tongues dueling, hands roaming.

"Spike, I want you to make love to me." the words were simple and spoken so
softly that he doubted a mortal could have heard them.

"You're sure, Slayer?"

For an answer, Buffy took his hand and headed up the stairs to her bedroom.
Helpless to resist, Spike followed.  Each step closer filling him with
excitement and a touch of uncertainty.  This is what he'd dreamt of for so
many months and his dream was about to come true.  The Slayer wanted him.
Wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Once inside her room, Buffy's bravado seemed to desert her and she stared at
Spike with uncertainty in her wide eyes.

"We don't have to do this, Pet." Spike said to try and calm her fears.

"No, I want to." Buffy said quickly and then added with a blush, "It's just,
well, I just, um, don't really know where to start."

Spike stifled a laugh and pulled her into his arms.  As he held her in his
arms he could feel her shaking.  Was it from nervousness or excitement he
wondered.  "Slayer." he murmured as he found her lips and kissed her
passionately.

Buffy responded to his kiss with spirit, pressing her body into his and
circling his neck with her arms.  Spike placed tiny kisses all along her jaw
and neck.  Buffy groaned low in her throat as she felt his tongue lap at her
collarbone.

"Ah, Slayer.  Do you know how long I have dreamt of holding you?  Of this
very moment?"

Buffy looked up into his eyes, they were filled with passion, longing
and.....love.  She couldn't surpress the smile that lit her face.  He wanted
her and loved her.  Everything felt so right.

She pulled his head down to hers and captured his mouth with her own.  Her
tongue plundering his mouth even as her hands deftly worked the buttons on
his shirt.  Buffy slid her hands up his smooth, sculpted chest and over his
strong shoulders, sending his shirt quickly to the floor.

Spike backed Buffy gently towards the bed and she froze and stiffened in his
arms.  He pulled back and looked down at her.  She was staring at something
across the room.

Buffy felt her breath catch in her throat.  She felt as if time was standing
still.  There in the mirror she could see herself, face flushed with
passion.  But Spike, who stood right beside her cast no reflection.
Memories and emotions came flooding back to her.  Vampire. Demon.  The
words echoed in her mind.  She closed her eyes to try and stop them, but
they came anyway.  Memories of Angel and that same mirror.  How could
she have let herself get so swept up in her emotions that she could have
forgotten that Spike was a blood-thirsty fiend?

Spike watched the blood drain from Buffy's face until she was white as a
sheet.  "What is it?" he asked "What's wrong, Pet?"  Then he followed her
gaze to the mirror where only her wide blue eyes stared back at him with
apprehension and confusion.

Buffy unconsciously took a step back.  Spike reached out a hand to her and
she flinched away.  Spike didn't miss the significance of her reaction and
bristled.  "You know what I am." he said in a cold, defensive voice.

"I know." she said in a small voice.  "It just startled me a little.  It's
okay, really.  I guess I just forgot."

Spike sighed "This isn't going to work, Slayer.  I should have known that.
I was stupid to think that you could look past what I am to see who I really
am."

"No, really.  It's okay." Buffy said almost in tears.

Spike reached out to touch her cheek and she flinched back again.  Spike
dropped his hand back to his side and clenched his fist.  He felt a white
hot fury building up inside his gut.  Grabbing his shirt off the floor, he
fled out of her room, out of her house, out of her life and back into the
night.  The night that seemed so much darker to him now.  Blood red tears
ran down his face and as he ran through the night he screamed with all the
fury and heartbreak in his being.

Back in her room, Buffy sat on the floor with her knees pulled up to her
chin and slowly rocked herself back and forth.  Tears streaming down her
face she wondered what had just happened.  Spike was a demon, a bad guy.
Why did she keep forgetting that?  Even more confusing, if he was her enemy
why was he so kind to her.  She was sure that it was love she saw in his
eyes.  She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.  Maybe it was time
to talk to Giles?

==========

The End.  (Masquerade Series - part 6)












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Leslie S." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Little Mall of Horrors (1/1)
Date: 05 Nov 1998 09:01:17 PST

TITLE: Little Mall of Horrors (1/1)
AUTHORS: LilS, Tay, Stinger-J
EMAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: My pitiful fanfic site.
http://beavis.bwave.com/~lilsprout/fanfic.html
But if anyone wants it, just let me know and it shall be yours!!!
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Sort of "Homecomimg" but not really
SUMMARY: Cordelia goes shopping dragging Xander along with her.
DISCLAIMER: Characters are borrowed from Joss Whedon and crew, as well
as from some folks at the BBC.  No infringement is intended.
FEEDBACK: is a good thing.  But no pressure!

NOTE: This round robin fic was spawned one evening due to the fact that
our real-time on-line Buffy role playing game was cancelled due to real
life happenings.  Great literature it ainÆt, but we had fun doing it.

If you are interested in Buffy chat or want more info on joining our
role-playing group, please check out
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Shores/4145/

*****

It was Homecoming.  One of CordyÆs favorite times of the year.
Especially since she just knew that she would be named Homecoming Queen.
Although she was dating Xander Harris, she was confident enough that she
would have the votes.  SO confident  in fact that it called for a trip
to the mall.  A new dress was in order.  She decided to bring Xander
along in hopes of forcing him into buying a new suit that looked like he
hadnÆt picked it off the rack!  So with thoughts of a Homecoming victory
in her head, Cordy jumped into her BMW and sped off to pick up Xander.

So Cordy dragged a reluctant Xander off to the mall.  "But I don't NEED
a new suit!  What's wrong with the one I have?" Xander asked.  "Well,
first of all, the jacket is pale blue, secondly, the pants are plaid.
We are NOT going to the dance with you looking like that!"

"Yeah, well..." Xander began.  "What if they theme Homecoming for the
70s?"  Cordy merely glared at him and swung her car into a
smaller-than-average spot at the mall.  It was definitely crowded for a
Saturday, but in the burgh like Sunnydale, where else is there to be?

Cordy swung her door open, dinging the Dodge Dart next to her without a
care in the world while Xander tried to squeeze out carefully next to
the VR6
Golf on his side.  "Cor?" he asked.  "Just how am I to pay for a new
suit?
I'm in highschool!!"

"DonÆt worry about the money.  I have daddyÆs platinum card.  He wonÆt
even notice the charges with all I have to buy today."  Xander groaned.
He decided that he would rather spend the day with Giles cross
referencing.  This "little" shopping trip was gonna earn him some
serious closet time.

Before they entered the mall, Cordy clued him in her mall strategy.
"First we have to go to Sax for the dress.  That should take about 2
hours.  Then another 40 to 45 minutes in the shoe departmentà."

Xander groaned again as Cordy described her plan in detail, taking up
Xander's entire day.   But being the faithful boyfriend, into the fray
he went.  Besides, he didn't have to pay for anything, so it couldn't be
too bad.

After Cordy had been looking at dresses for about 45 minutes, Xander
found himself staring at the watch section of the store as the seconds
of his life ticked by as Cordy tried on dress after dress.  As Xander
tuned out Cordy's frivolous debate on dress, he started humming "Girl
from Ipanema" as it was broadcasted over the store PA system.

"Xander?  What do you think of this one?  Xander?  Xanderrr!"

"Hmm hmm hm hm, the girl from Ipanema goes walking....huh?  Oh!  oh,
yeah yeah it's fine Cor...really, ahà " He started looking closer at the
dress.  "Cor?"

"What?  Does it make me look fat?!  What?!"

"Is there a storage closet nearby?"

Cordy gave Xander a glare that would have frozen the Colorado Hot
Springs.  "Xanderà.this is important.  I have to look my best.  And all
you can think about is finding a closet and making out?"  Xander
swallowed hard.  "Um àuhàà"  He decided in this case that honesty might
actually get him out of the doghouse.  "You look really hot in that
dress. And wellà.just call me hormone boy OK?"

Cordy gave him another dubious look.  Before she could say anything,
Xander backed up a few feet wondering if maybe he was pushing his luck.
Cordy took another look at herself in the mirror before turning back to
Xander.

"Cordy, trust me, you look really great!"  Cordy turned and smiled at
Xander.  "Really?"  Than she whispered in his ear, "Lemme pay for this,
than we'll go find that closet."

Cordy kept the dress on, paying for it with her daddy's credit card.
The two left the store and found a little hall that looked like it might
lead to a broom closet or something, away from the crowds of the mall.

Xander let Cordy lead him down the little hall like the boyfriend he
was.  She
quickly found a door marked Nine West Storage....(Nine West makes nice
shoes if'n ya didn't know.)  "Quick, in here," she said and dragged him
inside.

Xander and Cordy proceeded to engage in quite the long and drawn out
"make out" session.  (Well, to be honest to you the reader, there was a
bit of groping included and....Well, I'll be even more honest....Bill
and Monica would be embarrassed by what these kids did!  However, on the
plus side, Cordy found a pair of pumps in her size that she took as a
lovely parting gift. )

Cordy took a look at her watch.  The were two hours behind schedule!!!!
But what a "two hours" it was!  "Now back to business Xander.  Come on.
We need to go to the MenÆs Department at Neimens."

After they entered the menÆs department, a tallish gentleman with a
balding head and mustache walked up to them and asked if he could be of
assistance.  "My boyfriend needs a suit to go with this dress that wonÆt
make him look like a loser."  The man nodded and called for a sales
assistant.  "Mr. Humphries, are you free?"

"I'm freeeeee!!!"  Xander marveled as the most awkward gentleman
virtually pranced over to where he and Cordy stood.

"And what can I get for the gentleman?"

Xander was ready to quip something nasty back, but Cordy promptly
stamped his foot and interrupted.  "We need to find him something to
match this dress, it's for homecoming and trust me I don't plan on
losing. Anyway we need to fix him up with something that won't let him
look like the loser he pretty much is."

"Well," Mr Humphries said doing that little crossed-arm thing he did
when he was contemplating,  "I think something in a tan double breasted
suit would fit him perfectly!"

A look of concern washed over CordeliaÆs face.  "This wonÆt be
off-the-rack will it?"  Mr. Humphries patted her on the arm.  "DonÆt
worry dearie, weÆll fix him up all pretty for you."  Now a look of
concern washed over XanderÆs face.

Mr. Humphries took hold of XanderÆs arm and lead him behind a partition
to take his measurements.  Cordelia waited patiently.  A few moments
later she heard Xander cry out.  Being Sunnnydale, she grabbed a stake
out of her purse and darted behind the partition.

Cordy swung around the partition, stake in hand, in time to see Mr.
Humphries rolling up his measuring tape and Xander with still a very
startled look on his face.  "Thirty two inch inseam, just as I guess,"
he said and walked past Cordy muttering a quiet "lucky girl" as he
passed.

Cordy looked blankly as he passed and then, putting her stake away,
turned back to Xander.  "Well, that had to be an experience," and
snickered.  It was Xander's turn to glare.  "You better stay near the
dressing rooms at this rate,"  he said and walked back out into the
department.

As Xander brushed past her, she thought she heard Xander mutter
something like "related to Larry", but she was too busy staring at the
woman with purple hair over at the Ladies Counter to take any real
notice.

Cordy chatted a few moments with Mr. Humphries to make sure the suit
would be ready in time for the dance.  Once she was satisfied it would
be, she grabbed Xander and headed on to the next store.

Xander looked on in horror as he saw their next destination.  It was
No-manÆs Territory.  As he struggled against her grip, Xander resigned
himself to his fate.  He was being dragged into an accessory store!

Xander bravely endured the attack of the accessories that Cordy threw at
him.  From lapel pins to cuff links, from a gaggle of earrings to
necklaces of every length, they must have spent a good two hours here as
well.  Before long, Xander stomach possessed him and he turned into
Cro-Xander, dragging his woman off to the food court for dinner.

Xander feasted on an upsized value meal from McDonalds while Cordy
simply picked on a salad.  "You did good today Xander."  "Well it really
wasnÆt all that bad." Xander replied as he remembered their time in the
shoe closet.  "I might even consider doing it again, he stated thinking
it might again gain him some closet time."

"DonÆt worry Xander.  There will be plenty of other chances?" Xander
tried to mask his horror.  "Whaàwhat do you mean _other_ chances?"

"LetÆs see.  After homecoming, thereÆs the Fall Fling, the Christmas
Dance, the Spring Fling, theààà"

Again Xander groaned and resigned himself to his fate.  Besides as long
as there were closets at the mall, heÆd let Cordelia drag him shopping.

~End~



______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Samantha McCullah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: That Stupid Jerk (1/1)
Date: 05 Nov 1998 18:41:20 -0600

TITLE: That Stupid Jerk (1/1)
AUTHOR: Samantha McCullah
EMAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Just keep my name attached
SPOILERS: Homecoming
CONTENT: angst
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Willow contemplates Xander
DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, do you think I'd still be writing
fanfic? Joss owns 'em, not me. The poem quoted is owned by Maggie
Estep

words in << >> are parts of the poem
------------------------
That Stupid Jerk (1/1)
by Samantha McCullah

He kissed me.

Eleven years of knowing him, ten years of loving him, and he
finally kisses me. He kisses me just when I'm finally in a
relationship I like that's not with some demon. I could
kill him. I really could.

<<The stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
  Stands so close to me
  I can feel his breath
  On my neck>>

Why couldn't we have kissed before? Before Buffy, or Oz, or
Cordy, or anyone else, but no, he kisses me now before my
first Homecoming dance with a guy that's not Xander. I don't
know whether to scream or cry, and usually when I'm feeling
like this, I call Xander. But I can't.

<<And smell
  the way he would smell
  if we slept together>>

I want to know why I'm so confused all of a sudden. I was *so*
over Xander last year when I started dating Oz. When I caught
him and Cordy together, kissing. Just like he kissed me.

I still don't know what he sees in her. We've hated Cordy for
years, and we even formed a 'We Hate Cordelia' club. He's changed
her, though. She's actually, dare I say it?, nice.

<<and that is his primary function in life
  to be a stupid jerk I can obsess over
  and to talk to that dingy bimbette
  as if he really wanted to hear about her
  manicures and
  pedicures and
  New Age ritualistic enema cures>>

He doesn't know I heard him the hospital. I heard him say 'I
love you', but I didn't want to believe he'd actually said it.
I wanted so much to believe that it had been Oz that said it.

But no, it was Xander. All it took was for me to nearly die, and
suddenly he loved me. All it took was a change of clothing, and
suddenly he kissed me. Sometimes, Xander can be a real idiot.

<<because he is the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
  and he's obsessed with doing anything he can
  to lend fuel to my fire>>

I need to tell someone, anyone. But I can't tell Oz or Cordy or
Xander, obviously, and Buffy has enough problems so I'm left
alone to try and work out my feelings. I can't even tell my parents
because they never approved of Oz in the first place.

What am I gonna do?

<<I'm too busy
  looking at the way the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
  has pants on that perfectly define his well-shaped ass
  to the point I'm thoroughly frantic.>>

Maybe I'll go find a vamp to beat up to work out my frustrations.
Maybe I just need to sleep on it. Yeah a good night's sleep. Maybe
I'll dream of Oz and not Xander. I hope.

<<He's the stupid jerk I'm obsessed with
  and he's mine...
  And frankly, I couldn't be happier.>>

What am I gonna do?

*Fin*
------------------

Feedback is appreciated!

Also if anyone wants a complete copy of the poem, just email me.


Sam
"It's a human trait, remembering things the way we
wish they'd been. We rewrite history so that we can
live with it. You ask the Russians. Or come to that,
ask the Americans or the British."
            -- Methos

Unholy Allies -- http://roswell.fortunecity.com/gypsy/190/index.html
Do you have any Buffy/Spike fanfic? Send it to [e-mail] and I'll
put in the above archive.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: If You'd Listen
Date: 06 Nov 1998 14:00:59 PST

TITLE: If YouÆd Listen
AUTHOR: Alex Queirolo
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FAN-FIC SITE: http://www.angelfire.com/co/alexfic/index.html
SUMMARY: The missing Angel scenes from TED
SPOILERS: Um, TED. Oh ya..and WhatÆs My Line.
RATING: PG. Angst. A couple bad words.
DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine. Joss is god. The situations
are. I am not god.
DEDICATION: To Leona for putting me up. To my sis just because. And to
Lex cuz she asked for it. And to my friends on the board cuz you rock.
MUSICAL SELECTIONS: Runaway Train by Soul Asylum, Background by Third
Eye Blind and Let the Sun Fall Down by Kim Richey. The title hails
from NeroÆs Rome.
FURTHER AUTHORÆS NOTES: The first section takes place after Buffy gets
grounded, the second after the ôdeathö of Ted and the third after the
real death of Ted.
FEEDBACK: Please.



ôBought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a mad man laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, little insane
ItÆs just easier than dealing with the pain.ö


He was lying on his bed reading when she stepped through the door into
his small apartment. Her first thought as her blue eyes settled on his
muscular form was that the book he held in his hand looked old. The
pages were a dull yellow and looked painfully brittle. How ironic.

He glanced up from his original edition of ShakespeareÆs ôRomeo and
Julietö when he heard the door click shut.  He was about to casually
toss off a warm greeting to his beautiful girlfriend but stopped cold
when he saw the look on her face.

A million things at once. Confusion. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Something
was wrong and it showed in the dark shadows surrounding her eyes.
Moaning softly, Angel started to sit up, intending to go to her. It
still hurt to move but she was worth the pain.

She never gave him the chance. She moved quickly across the room and
propelled herself into his arms. Immediately, he wrapped an arm around
her and began to lightly stroke her back. He could feel her nuzzling
herself against his chest, her delicate arms winding around his waist.

ôBuffy, honey..whatÆs wrong?ö Angel asked softly, planting a soft kiss
on top of her blonde head. He slipped a hand under her shirt and began
to gently knead the tense muscles he felt there.

ôTed,ö Buffy Summers muttered, closing her eyes and pressing her face
into the meat of his shoulder. Normally she would have laid her head
against his chest but even as upset as she quite obviously was, she
was still mindful of his recent injuries.

ôAh,ö Angel nodded thoughtfully. ôTed. What happened?ö He wove the
hand that wasnÆt beneath her shirt into her blonde hair and started
gently playing with it, moving the strands between his fingers. HeÆd
once gotten her to fall asleep in his arms by playing with her hair
and while that wasnÆt exactly the angle he was aiming for now, any
degree of relaxation and calm would be welcome.

ôHeÆs a creep,ö Buffy said petulantly, moaning softly as his hand went
to work on easing a particularly painful knot of muscle in her upper
back. She arched against it, her eyes falling shut.

ôGo on,ö he urged softly, his voice almost too low to be heard. He
pressed his thumb into the muscle and moved it in a slow hard circle,
smiling grimly when she cried out again. She was caught in between
absolute agony and sheer ecstasy. Moving his digit in closer, he
worked on coaxing the knot loose.

ôHeÆs gonna marry my mom,ö Buffy said bitterly. ôGod, Angel..heÆs
crazed. Like Stepfather crazed.ö

Angel lifted an eyebrow,ö I donÆt follow.ö

She waved a hand absently and then moaned again as the knot finally
began to loosen under AngelÆs constant assault. ôIt was a movie about
a stepfather who was a psychotic serial killer.ö

ôAnd you think thatÆs Ted?ö Angel asked her gently, not wanting her to
think he was making fun of her.

ôWell maybe.ö Buffy said, her lower lip protruding. ôHeÆs definitely
psycho but momÆs all æooh TedÆ. Yuck. ItÆs not normal.ö

ôBuffy..ö

ôNo!ö Her head shot up from his shoulder and she wrenched away from
him, whimpering softly at the pain in her back. Shaking her head, she
stared back at him. ôYou donÆt understand. The way my mom acts is like
a trained golden retriever.. not like someone in love. ItÆs suddenly
like he owns her.ö

ôLove makes you do the wacky. You told me that,ö Angel reminded her,
reaching out to pull her back into his arms.

She shook her head forcefully. ôSheÆs not in love with him. ItÆs not
possible.ö She looked up at Angel and saw the soft sympathetic smile
he was giving her. Immediately she pushed herself away from him again
and began to pace angry circles in front of his bed, looking deeply
troubled.

ôBuffy, talk to me.ö Angel urged, stepping towards her.

ôHe said he was gonna hit me, Angel. And he meant it. He got all
power-pissed because he caught me cheating at mini-golf and he said he
was gonna hit me.ö

ôWhat?ö Angel said sharply, his body tensing. Her narrowed his eyes
dangerously and made a low growling noise in the back of his throat.
She seemed oblivious to his change in demeanor however because she
continued her agitated pacing.

ôAnd when I told mom, she didnÆt believe me! I mean..how fucked up is
that? LetÆs see here; big ugly creepy guy or daughter. ThereÆs a
fairly tough one there. You know what, I think IÆm gonna hafta go with
the one that cooks. On second thought mom, great choice..ö

Angel reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her out of her angry
stride. ôBuffy, calm down and talk to me. Did he hit you? Has he
touched you?ö

ôNo, no, no,ö Buffy replied, shaking her head. ôNo, he hasnÆt hit me
or tried to..yet. But in the meanwhile, IÆm the bad child and I canÆt
talk to my dad because heÆs happy that momÆs happy.ö She threw up her
hands. ôGod, this sucks.ö

He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to it. Then he pulled her
into his arms and settled her head beneath his chin. He winced as her
body settled against the healing flesh of his exposed chest. She
opened her mouth to protest but was quickly silenced by the softness
of his lips pressing against hers. She let out a soft throaty moan and
then wrapped herself around him. It was he that finally broke the
passionate embrace.

ôItÆs okay,ö he promised. ôYour mom is a smart woman. She wonÆt let
anyone get away with hurting you.ö

ôTed touches me and IÆll kill him,ö Buffy grunted, a half-smile
perking her upper lip.

ôHe touches you, IÆll eat him,ö Angel replied, kissing her nose. She
giggled but didnÆt dissuade him and it wasnÆt long before that too
became lips on lips in a manner that would have put the Hoover vacuum
cleaner to shame.

ôMmm,ö Buffy murmured, finally breaking away albeit reluctantly. ôI
have to get home.ö She slipped her hands up against his cool skin and
then rested her head against him, allowing him to breathe in the smell
of strawberry shampoo. She felt him shiver as she ran her small
fingers across the tattoo. For some bizarre reason, it was a major
ôyesö spot for him.

ôDo you have to?ö Angel whispered, lowering his head to gently nibble
on her ear. Closing his eyes, he took in both the taste of her in his
mouth and the feel of her soft hands against his back.

She chuckled lightly before turning around and then standing on her
tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. ôTechnically IÆm grounded.ö

His eyes shot open,öWhy?ö

She shrugged, ôI told mom and the Evil Bastard that IÆd want to kill
myself if they got married.ö

ôBuffy..ö

ôI know, I know. But Angel, believe meàthis guy is no Mr..Mr. Brady.
HeÆs loco in the cabasa.ö

He ran a hand over her cheek. ôIÆm sorry you have to deal with this.ö
When his fingers reached her mouth, she kissed the tips.

ôItÆll be okay,ö Buffy assured him, suddenly unwilling to let him
worry about her. He had enough problems to deal with. Especially since
he had been kidnapped by Spike and Dru. Sighing, she said softly, ôI
have to go.ö

ôI know,ö Angel replied sadly, tracing a finger across her jawline. He
wished he could pull her back into his arms and just wrap her tightly
in his embrace. ôBut do me a favor, okay?ö

She lifted an eyebrow but never hesitated, ôAnything.ö

ôStop by here in the morning. Just..just so I know youÆre okay. And..ö
he smiled shyly, looking very much like a little boy. ôJust so I can
go to sleep happy.ö

She blushed and then nodded. ôIÆll drop by before I go to school.
ôReaching up, she pressed her lips to his once again and then deepened
the kiss. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to relax into the
passionate embrace. So much in fact that she barely felt him walk her
over to the bed.

ôYouÆre so tense, Buffy.ö He whispered, his hands once again sliding
beneath her shirt. He saw her nod her agreement so he smiled. ôWeÆll
fix that and then you can go home, okay?ö

She chuckled,öYouÆre the man with the hands.ö


This section takes place after the ôdeathö of Ted.

ôAnd I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do,
The words they use so lightly, I only feel for youö


By nine-thirty A.M., he was pacing nervously. Anxious and agitated and
needing sleep desperately, he continued to rhythmically clench and
unclench his fists. And even as it threatened to shut down, his mind
continued to pour over the possibilities.

Perhaps she had merely slept in. He could still clearly recall the
dark circles that had been lurking beneath her bright blue eyes when
sheÆd come to see him the previous night. Things hadnÆt been easy for
the little Slayer as of late. For any of them really but Buffy had the
bad habit of taking everything upon herself. Which naturally made her
run herself into the ground. So it made some kind of sense that she
might hit the snooze button on her alarm and snuggle back into the
soft pillows of her bed.

Only Joyce would never let Buffy sleep in on a school morning. He knew
for certain because the tiny blonde Slayer was always bitching about
it. If Buffy wasnÆt in the kitchen by a quarter to eight at the
latest, then she would be removed from the bed. Forcibly if need be.

So strike that idea.

Well okay. So maybe sheÆd taken too long getting ready and Joyce had
had to take her to school. Buffy would have protested but her mother
was on some new reform kick that involved ensuring that Buffy at least
got to school on time. That was a possibility.  It had happened
before. So why hadnÆt she at least called. She always did when she
couldnÆt make it because of some unforeseen circumstance. So why
hadnÆt she?

ôMaybe sheÆs hurt,ö Angel murmured aloud. His nails dug into the meat
of his palm as his pace quickened, tracing the same path that Buffy
had frantically worked the night before in her own frustration. He
stopped and shook his head. ôNo.ö

She was fine. She had to be. If something had happened to her, he
would have known.

In theory.

Reaching across the bed, he grabbed at the cordless that was nestled
into the crack where the wall met the mattress. He had put it there
the night before so that he wouldnÆt have to scurry for the phone
should she decide to call him to vent more frustration or even just to
talk. He dialed the library quickly and waited impatiently as the
phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times.

ôHello?ö Willow Rosenberg finally answered. She sounded distracted.

ôWillow, hi. WhereÆs Buffy?ö Angel blurted out quickly. His fingers
tangled in the sheets as he fought to make himself comfortable. It was
a losing battle. Finally he stood again and resumed his anxious pacing.

There was a pause and then Willow replied,öBuffyÆsànot here.ö

ôWhere is she then? Class?ö

ôAngel..somethingÆs happened,ö Willow said cautiously.

The moment she said the words, he felt his heart crash to his knees
and his stomach heaved violently. ôIs she alright?ö he whispered.

ôPhysically sheÆs fine. Emotionally..sheÆs a wreck.ö There was a pause
and then she said softly, ôTed is dead.ö

ôWha? What happened?ö Angel gasped out, slowly catching on.

ôThe police report as of right now says that he fell down the stairs
and broke his neck. And that Buffy is responsible for it. They havenÆt
charged her with anything..yet. SheÆs taking it pretty hard though.ö

ôI imagine,ö Angel murmured thoughtfully. ôBut youÆve seen her this
morning, right? You know sheÆs not hurt, right?ö

ôXander and I saw her briefly but then she took off. We havenÆt seen
or heard from her since. We were kinda hoping that sheÆd gone to see
you.ö

ôI wish,ö Angel replied, sighing deeply. ôAlright, maybe sheÆll still
show up.ö

ôIf she does, call here. WeÆre all worried. She..she wasnÆt herself
this morning. Iæve never seen her this upset and down on herself. And
you know how she can get..ö

ôI do,ö Angel agreed, thinking about how stubborn his little blonde
girlfriend was. She had a hell of a time asking for help and it tended
to get her into trouble that would be almost certainly fatal for the
average mortal. Then again, Buffy Summers was anything but average.

ôIf we hear from her, IÆll call you,ö Willow promised. Then she added,
ôDonÆt worry, weÆll get her through this.ö

ôThanks, Will.ö Angel replied softly. He sighed once more and then
removed the phone from his ear and punched the ôoffö button. Frowning
thoughtfully, he crossed over to the closet. He opened it and stared
down at the still boxed eighteen inch color Sony. ItÆd been an
impulsive purchase heÆd made right after heÆd moved into the
apartment. And then of course heÆd remembered that he had no use for
television.

Dragging it out, he tore through the packaging until he got the TV,
leaving a chaotic circle of debris around him. He pulled it free of
the box and then stared at it thoughtfully. The plugging in part made
sense at least. Electricity. Power.

He reached across and pulled the clock free from the wall and quickly
plugged in the cord for the TV. After frowning at it for a moment, he
finally jabbed at the gray and white button under the screen labeled
ôpowerö. The screen flashed brightly and came to life, assaulting his
eyes. Involuntarily, he growled.

HeÆd been with Buffy when she channel-surfed as she called it. What it
looked like to him was organized but randomized insanity. Stations
flashing by quicker than the human mind could possibly register and
causing the viewer to take on a glazed if not slightly euphoric gleam
to their eyes. It was nauseating. So the question then became, how did
she do it?

The remote. He saw it lying in a plastic bag with an oversized white
book and two small batteries. He tore through the plastic and pulled
out the remote and the batteries. After a few moments of cautious
study, he finally but them into the back of the channel-changer. Then
he hit the button with the arrow pointing up.

The channels flew by in a hypnotic show of light and shapes. ôWoah,ö
he murmured as the bright colors assaulted him. And then he stopped.

ôàSunnydale High student is under suspicion but has yet to be charged.
At this time, it has not been determined if Ted BuchanonÆs death was
accidental or intentional. Detective Rick Stein of the Sunnydale
Police Department has promised a full investigation and is quick to
assure that the truth will be forthcoming.ö There was a pause and then
the newsman looked dead-on at the camera. ôIÆm Ken Hill for Channel
Seven news.ö

Angel slid back against his bed. ôOh God, Buffy.ö No wonder sheÆd left
school. The media, everyone was looking at her as if she was a
cold-blooded killer. And if he knew Buffy the way he thought he did,
she was probably agreeing with them.

He slammed his fist into his palm and growled. ôDammit.ö He should
have known better than to let her go back to where she was as upset as
sheÆd been. As it were, sheÆd been hanging on to her temper by the
slimmest of all possible threads.

Angel stopped his line of thought abruptly. Buffy wasnÆt a killer. A
warrior for the good guys but not a murderer. That meant that Ted had
done something to her.

He narrowed his dark eyes dangerously. Maybe it was a good thing that
Buffy had killed Ted then because if the bastard had still been living
after heÆd in any way hurt Buffyà

Angel chuckled humorously as he realized that he would have killed the
man without a second thought for even touching Buffy.

Only Buffy had gotten there first. And was falling apart because of it.

Closing his eyes tightly, Angel silently begged for his beautiful
blonde girlfriend to walk through his door. To step into his apartment
and into his waiting arms.

This part takes place after the real death of Ted.


ôThat old dark cloud
Acts like he owns you
He takes up too much time
Time you could be spending holding me
But he canÆt have you now.ö



He pushed the doors to the hospital lobby open and rushed in, looking
every bit the part of the concerned and anxious boyfriend that he was.
Looking around wildly, his eyes finally settled on the three
Slayerettes huddled next to the soda machine. Willow was speaking
softly, calmly, as if she was explaining something important. His
heart aching more than heÆd ever thought possible, Angel made his way
over to them. ôWhere is she? Is she alright?ö

Willow turned quickly and favored him with a small half-smile. ItÆd
been she that had called him less than twenty minutes earlier from the
admissions desk of the Emergency Room. Reaching out, she grabbed his
uninjured hand and gave it a squeeze. ôSheÆs fine. A little bruised
but fine.ö

ôWho did this to her?ö Angel demanded.

Willow glanced over at Cordelia, ôWould you?ö

ôYa,ö Cordy nodded, stepping a foot closer to Angel. Xander rolled his
eyes and then followed after Willow as she made her way over to the
admissions desk. ôItÆs a long story,ö the tall cheerleader began as
she led him to a row of chairs.

He barely paid any attention to her lengthy explanation that was
filled with her snappy commentary. Instead he watched the desk where
Willow and Xander were calmly talking to the head nurse. Finally he
rose from the chair and crossed over to join them, leaving Cordelia
alone and slack-jawed. After a beat, she followed.

ôI know I was talking,ö Cordelia admonished, slapping him lightly on
the forearm. He tossed her a wary if not slightly apologetic
half-smile and then turned back to the desk.

ôWhatÆs going on? Is there a problem?ö

The nurse lifted an eyebrow, ôAnd you are?ö

Angel growled low in throat, frustrated by the womanÆs question.
DidnÆt she understand that only Buffy mattered? Luckily, Willow
stepped in. ôHeÆs BuffyÆs boyfriend. HeÆs just worried. We all are.
You said sheÆs okay..so why canÆt we see and why hasnÆt she been
released?ö

ôWell, because she needs an adult to sign her release forms and her
mother is still sleeping. We expect her to remain as such until
morning.ö

ôAnd her father?ö Xander queried.

ôWe havenÆt been able to get ahold of him. And the other person Ms.
Summers mentioned is also unreachable.ö

ôGiles?ö Willow questioned. The nurse nodded.

ôYou just need a legal adult to sign the papers, rightö Angel asked,
tapping his fingers anxiously against the desk. The nurse shot him an
irritated glare so he stopped.

ôThatÆs right. YouÆre over eighteen?ö The nurse asked, a hint of
amusement in her gray eyes.

ôI am,ö Angel replied dryly.

ôYouÆre a little old to be dating a sixteen year old girl, arenÆt
you?ö she queried, reaching across the desk for a clipboard with
release forms attached to it.

He shot her a wary look and took the board from her. Teeth clenched in
frustration, he went to work on filling out the necessary paperwork.


ôSo weÆll tell her mom that Giles signed her release forms,ö Willow
instructed the group as they walked down the hospital hallway.

ôWhich he would have if anyone knew where the hell he was,ö Xander
commented, pointing dramatically at a door. The group entered slowly,
cautiously.

She was sitting by a large white bed that was holding her mothersÆ
sleeping form. Angel cast a quick cursory glance over the older
Summers woman and then nodded slowly. SheÆd be fine.

ôBuffy,ö Willow chirped, reaching over to squeeze her best friendsÆ
free left hand. The right one was holding a blue ice pack to her jaw
which looked to be several different shades of purple and blue. The
swelling had really kicked in. ôAre you okay?ö

She took away the ice pack and nodded slowly. ôIÆm fine, Will. We both
are, thanks to you guys.ö She stepped over to Xander and gave him a
peck on the cheek. ôThank you for calling the ambulance for my mom. I
guess I was a little out of it.ö

Xander lifted and eyebrow and then shrugged. ôSure, anything for my
Buffster. How are you feeling?ö

ôLike I hate this place,ö Buffy muttered beneath her breath. And then
she turned towards the dark shadows that consumed the corners of the
rooms. ôWould you stop lurking, please?ö

ôSorry. Habit,ö Angel apologized, stepping forward to take the tiny
Slayer into his arms. He kissed her hair and then lifted her hand back
to push the icepack against her jaw again.

ôGod, IÆm glad thatÆs over,ö she murmured, relaxing into his hold. And
then her eyes flew open and she separated herself from him. ôWait a
minute! What the hell are you doing out of bed? YouÆre hurt..ö

He smirked. ôSo are you. Why donÆt you let me take you home so you can
get some rest. You look beat.ö

ôBut mom..ö

ôWill be fine,ö Willow soothed. ôGo home and sleep.ö Her tone was firm.

ôBut..ö

ôIÆd listen to her when she gets like that,ö Cordelia suggested as she
gazed at her nails with a frown. ôDamn, I chipped one. Gross.ö

Sighing deeply, Buffy finally relented. ôFine. Did Giles sign my
papers?ö

ôI did,ö Angel said quickly. ôSo no more questions. YouÆre going to
bed. Now.ö


She was practically sleepwalking by the time he led her into her
bedroom. Giving her a quick kiss, he urged her towards the bathroom so
that she could get ready for bed. While she was gone, he pulled the
drapes tightly around the window so that the light wouldnÆt be a
problem come morning.

She re-entered the bedroom wearing blue and white boxers that looked
awfully familiar and an oversized white menÆs tee-shirt. He lifted an
eyebrow. ôMine?ö She just smirked and made her way over to where he
was sitting on the bed. Reaching out, she wrapped an arm around him
and then placed her head lightly on his shoulder.

ôAre you okay?ö he asked. ôI mean..really okay?ö

ôIÆm fine. A little shaken up maybe but IÆm me. Everyone is finally
okay. And Ted is gone.ö She sombered up a bit as she thought about it.
He opened his mouth to question her but was stopped by the feel of her
body leaning against his as she tried to embrace sleep.

She gently pushed her balled fist into the meat of his shoulder as if
she was trying to make him a more comfortable pillow and then she
settled against him. Drowsily she murmured, ôGÆnight Angel.ö

He kissed her lightly, ôSleep well.ö Weaving a hand into her hair, he
pulled her even closer so that he could feel the pressure of her heart
beating.  He watched thoughtfully as her breathing slowed into a
gentle pattern and she finally slipped into the first restful sleep
sheÆd had in days.

Pulling the blanket up and around them, he shifted his body so that he
was holding her completely, hands meeting in front of her. He pressed
his cheek against hers and then set to watching her sleep.

-FIN




_______________________________________________________
Get your free, private e-mail at http://mail.excite.com/



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (tj thwaites)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Aftermath (1/1) by tj thwaites
Date: 09 Nov 1998 00:26:35 -0700

Title: Aftermath
Author: tj thwaites
E-mail: [e-mail]
Archive: mailing list archives for now, I may revise this after the new ep airs.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Band Candy (sort of, this is idle speculation based on the previews)
Summary: Just a silly thought I had about what might happen between
teen-influenced Joyce and the returned Ripper.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, Joss does. I'm just taking a
quick dip in his pool.


     Aftermath
     by tj thwaites
     (aka the dyslexic ferret)


     "I just want to check and make sure my Mom is back to normal," Buffy
told Faith as the two Slayers turned the corner onto Revello Drive, "Then
we can see if we can find out where Giles disappeared to."

     "Sure thing, Bee," Faith replied, ignoring the annoyed look from
Buffy, "But I gotta tell you, Willow really surprised me with that
counterspell. I didn't know she was that powerful a witch."

     "She surprised me, too," Buffy said, "I knew she'd been studying
witchcraft, but I hadn't known she'd gotten that good, either. I'm glad
she's on our side."

     When the Slayers arrived at the Summers residence, Faith immediately
headed for the kitchen. She had a major case of the munchies after today's
events. Buffy headed upstairs to look for her mother after the main floor
proved deserted.

     Buffy silently pushed open the door to her mother's room to peek
inside. The first thing she saw was the clothes scattered over the floor.
She ignored them; the spell had just been broken and her mother obviously
hadn't had much time to come back to herself, let alone clean up the
teenager-style mess.

     Buffy stepped fully into the room when she saw the lump under the
covers, relieved that her mother was home and not still out somewhere
wandering around. Buffy quietly approached the bed, intent merely on making
sure her mother was sleeping peacefully. Her hand flew to her mouth to
suppress the outcry that threatened when saw that her mother was not alone.
The light from the moon and the streetlights clearly illuminating the faces
of the bed's two occupants.

     Buffy stared at the faces in shock. She turned and darted from the
room, a part of her mind amazed that she still had the ability to remember
to not slam the door (and possibly awaken the bed's occupants). But the
larger part kept replaying those few seconds when she'd seen the peaceful
serenity on the sleeping faces of her mother and her Watcher. And the tiny
smile on her mother's lips.

     [Whoa!] Buffy thought, leaning against the hallway wall for support,
[Tomorrow morning is going to be *so* bizarre.]

     Buffy's head snapped up and she stared at her mother's bedroom door,
surprised by her own reaction. She wasn't upset about the situation she'd
stumbled across, quite the opposite in fact. She hoped that when morning
did roll around, what had obviously taken place between Giles and her
mother didn't cause too many problems.

     When Buffy returned downstairs to the kitchen, she found Faith busy
attacking a huge bowl of ice cream. She grabbed a bowl of her own from the
cupboard and began serving herself some cookies and cream goodness.

     "Hey," Faith said, amused, "I guess the need to find and watch over
the Watcher is no match for frozen treats, huh?"

     "No need to go looking anywhere," Buffy replied, "I know exactly where
Giles is."

     The spoon halted halfway to Faith's mouth. Her eyebrows rose in question.

     "So," Faith finally asked after Buffy finished filling her bowl,
"Where is he?"

     "Upstairs," Buffy replied with an impish grin, "He and my Mom are
doing an amazing imitation of a pair of spoons in a drawer."

     Faith's spoonful of ice cream clattered to the table.

     "Are you serious?" Faith blurted, then continued when Buffy nodded,
"And you're not wigged?"

     "Actually," Buffy answered, "I'm kinda hoping that there's more to it
than the mondo-impulsiveness of that damned spell. Maybe something good can
come from it."

     Faith watched in fascination as Buffy turned her attention to the bowl
of ice cream in front of her and dug in. Faith picked up her own spoon
again, shaking her head. One thing for sure, Sunnydale was never boring.
Living here was like living in the middle of a soap opera of the weirdest
kind.

     =====

     Three weeks later

     Buffy led Giles into the living room. This had to stop. Now. The past
three weeks had been way too stessful with both her mother and Watcher
walking on eggshells where Buffy was concerned and totally avoiding each
other. Buffy couldn't help but flash back to the source of the problem.
Once again, she was going to have to be the adult and force the adults to
face the childishness of their behaviour.

     Buffy shook her head with a snort when Giles froze in his tracks. She
grabbed his arm and virtually dragged him over to the couch where her
mother sat twisting a tea towel nervously.

     "Giles," Buffy commanded, "Sit down."

     Buffy put her hands on her hips in exasperation when Giles sat at the
opposite end of the couch, refusing to even look at Joyce. Enough was
enough. These two were going to settle this, one way or the other.

     "All right," Buffy began, "The two of you have been dancing around the
issue for three weeks now and it's time to stop. I'm going to go out on
patrol, but you are going to talk. You have to face each other and what
happened between you that night. Decide whether it was a mistake or not,
and what you're going to do now. When I get home, I expect you two to have
reached a conclusion you both can accept."

     "Decide whether or *not* it was a mistake?" Joyce asked, surprised by
Buffy's wording.

     "Well," Buffy said, feeling her face starting to heat, "When I looked
in on you that night and found you together, the looks on your faces (even
asleep) seemed...well...happy."

     Giles and Joyce finally looked at each other at this revelation. They
both coloured slightly and looked away.

     "I checked out the spell," Buffy continued, "And I think Xander had
the best paraphrase: 'They all seemed totally wasted, but without the
slurred speech or falling down parts'. That spell turned off your impulse
control and eliminated your inhibitions, like being drunk. So maybe what
happened that night wasn't a mistake if you don't want it to be. I'm not
suggesting running off to Vegas or anything, but you guys *need* to talk
about it and decide if it was a momentary whim or because of something
deeper. I'm leaving now. Me Slay, you talk."

     Buffy turned and rushed out of the house, her face burning. She
couldn't believe she'd just said all that. She headed toward the park. A
little undead activity was what she needed to get her mind off everything
for a few hours.

     =====

     The lights were still on when Buffy returned home two hours later,
dusty and sweaty, but much calmer. She paused at the front door a moment,
wondering if Giles and her mother had worked things out or if they'd bailed
on the whole process as soon as she was out of the house. She took a deep
breath and went inside, her mouth opening to call out that she was home.

     All the breath rushed out of her body and her bottom jaw just hung
open. Giles and her mother were curled up on the couch, asleep. On the TV,
Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks were getting in the elevator at the top of the
Empire State building.

     [Sleepless In Seattle?] Buffy thought, amazed, [Mom actually got him
to watch a 'chick flick' with her? I guess I was right, they do 'have
feelings' for each other.]

     Buffy stood silently for several seconds pondering that possibility.
Something she once said to Jenny Calender popped into her head:

     "I don't want him to be lonely. I don't want anyone to."

     At the time, Buffy hadn't really thought about it, but that applied to
her mother as well. And as wigsome as the thought of her mother and Giles
getting together was at first glance, Buffy surprised herself by admitting
that they did look good together. And there was no big secret to keep since
the Slayer gig was already out in the open with them. Buffy sighed and a
smile crept onto her face.

     They looked cute cuddled together like that.

     Buffy silently crossed over to the couch and picked the Afghan off the
back. She unfolded it and gently drew it across her mother's supine form.
She removed Giles' glasses, careful not to wake him, and set them on the
end table. She turned off the TV and the VCR and headed for the stairs. But
she paused at the bottom step to gaze fondly at her Watcher.

     [If this gets serious, Giles,] she told him silently, [I hope you
don't expect me to call you 'Dad'.]

     Buffy climbed the stairs to her room grinning. Teasing Giles was about
to get very interesting.

     THE END


Noel:"Disappointment doesn't kill."
Abby:"Right. Rejection kills. Disappointment only maims."
          -- "The Truth About Cats and Dogs"

An optimist sees the glass half full
A pessimist sees the glass half empty
And a realist understands that soon he's going to have to wash the glass

In a world of shit you hold your nose and swim.

Don't worry about the bullet with your name on it, worry about the one
addressed "to whom it may concern".


     @-}-}--          tj thwaites          @-}-}--
     @-}-}--       [e-mail]      @-}-}--
     @-}-}--  Box 2890, Banff, AB, T0L 0C0 @-}-}--






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (5/?)
Date: 10 Nov 1998 13:07:02 EST

Title: The Soul of Good & Evil (5/?)
Author: Michelle
E-mail: [e-mail]
Rating: PG-13 (for this part...there's really nothing but a bit of blood)
Author's Notes: This story follows directly after my two others,
"Vengeance," and "Lost & Found." I rewrote the third part with a
completely different plot (the story that this is an alternate for is,
"Deadly Instincts." Basically, everyone is a vampire, with a
soul except Drusilla and Spike.  Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel,
Giles, Joyce, everybody.  http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html
Spoilers: Plot has nothing to do with real series except for characters
that are used.
Feedback: I know there are people on this list. Too bad no one bothers
to send feedback. If you would, I'd appreciate it.  I send it to you!

* * * *

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Nope," Buffy said bluntly. The slightest trace of a smile was
hung on her lips, but she did her best to cover it.

"So, what did you do to get yourself shot?!"  Buffy was lying
down on the coffee table of her living room while Xander attempted
to clear her wounds.

"Why do you automatically assume I was to blame?"

"Because you've got two bullets in you. Now hold still or this
is *really* going to hurt."

Buffy rested an arm across her face and tried to remain calm. But
the bullet that just reopened her stomach wound was terribly
painful.

"Okay, hold on."  Just as Xander was about to take out the bullet
from Buffy's leg, the doorbell rang. "You, stay here. I'll get that."

"Just be careful who you invite in, okay?"

Xander ignored her and went to the door. To his surprise, he found
his beautiful red-headed love standing on the front porch.

"Willow! Come in. You said you weren't going to be here until
tomorrow night."

"I caught an early flight." She stepped through the doors and the
sight of Buffy lying on the coffee table with blood all over her
wasn't exactly the welcome she was expecting. "Buffy! What happened?"

"Willow, hi. Oh, this? It's nothing. Maniac with a gun plus attempted
robery and murder equals Buffy getting shot." Buffy attempted a smile
but it didn't come out a such. "Uh, Xander. Are you going to finish,
or do you plan on leaving me like this?"

"Sorry." Xander walked over and picked up a pair of tweezers. "Here
we go." The look in his eye was more frightening to Buffy than the
thought of living with these hunks of metal in her.  Willow
instinctively grabbed Buffy's hand at an attempt to comfort her
friend.

"Hey! What are you doing, digging them out with your bare hands?"
Buffy lifted her head to catch Xander's eye but he avoided it.

"No, I would never do that. Just sit tight, I have one more left."

After Xander removed the bullets, Buffy's skin quickly rebuilt
itself.

"Much better," Buffy said standing on her own two feet. "Now, Willow,
I assume Xander's filled you in on my current situation?"

"Yeah," she said a meak Willow voice.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure what's going on.  Spike really is our
only hope in this one." The doorbell rang again, interupting Buffy
yet again.  "I'll get it."

"Spike," Buffy said, shocked to see him standing on her doorstep.

"Hello luv."

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that? Too many freaky memories of
Drusilla..." Buffy made a sickly face and then pointed Spike in the
direction of the living room.

"Right, I'll remember that."

"Sure you will," Buffy said sarcastically before following him into
the living room where Willow and Xander were seated.  "Guys, you
know Spike."

"Oh, yeah. We've met," Xander said, eyeing Spike but offering no
means of a truce between the two.

Spike indicated Xander's presence with the tilt of his head.  He
was still holding a grudge for that whole dungeon experience at
the villa.

"You two want to call of the wars. We're on the same side this
time and if you can't work together, I'll do this on my own."

"I just want Dru back. If it means getting along with him,
alright."

"Xander?" Buffy asked, sternly glaring at him.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get along with blondy here if I have to. But
once this is all over, it's back to immortal enemies. Deal?"

"Damn right," Spike said turning away from the group and finding a
chair. At the sight of the blood all over the floor and coffee
table, he looked to Buffy for an answer.

"Got shot. All better now."  He seemed satisfied with that and she
moved to the couch. "Now, from what I've figured out, Drusilla's
power keeps growing. I don't quite know how, but it does.  Whatever
she used to restore herself to full power is still at work and we've
got to stop her before she does kill Angel."

"Without killing her," Spike promptly added.

"Yeah, without killing anyone." Buffy knew that Spike would only help
as long as she promised not to kill Dru. So she did, but that didn't
change the fact that she was planning it, no matter what. "Spike, do
you have any idea what she used to get her power back?"

"Uh, yeah. But, I don't think it will be of any help."

"Why?"

"Her powers were restored by the Devil himself."

Everyone fell silent for a brief moment. Buffy was the only one to
look at Spike for confirmation.

"How?"

"She promised your rising to the dark side to him. If she was granted
full strength, she would capture you, and re-awaken you to a new life
in return.  That's what Angel and her were plotting when I came to
you."

"They why is her strength still growing?"

"That I can't tell you, pet. I only know what happened before you sent
me to Vienna and after I restored all your souls.

"Well then, lets go find Drusilla and hopefully she'll lead us to
Angel." Buffy stood and reached for her jacket on the back of Spike's
chair.

"Hopefully," Willow repeated with less confidence.

"Soon as the sun goes down tonight, we move.  Willow, Xander, you
two can stay in the spare bedroom. Spike..."

"I'll take the couch."

* * * * *
-Michelle



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (6/?)
Date: 10 Nov 1998 13:25:03 EST

Title: The Soul of Good & Evil (6/?)
Author: Michelle
E-mail: [e-mail]
Rating: PG-13 (this part: blood drinking, little kissing, but nothing more)
Author's Notes: This story follows directly after my two others,
"Vengeance," and "Lost & Found." I rewrote the third part with a
completely different plot (the story that this is an alternate for is,
"Deadly Instincts." Basically, everyone is a vampire, with a
soul except Drusilla and Spike.  Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel,
Giles, Joyce, everybody.  http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html
Spoilers: Plot has nothing to do with real series except for characters
that are used.
Feedback: I know there are people on this list. Too bad no one bothers
to send feedback. If you would, I'd appreciate it.  I send it to you!

They had taken the first flight out of Sunnydale after sundown
and traveled across the country to New York where they waited
out the sun then snuck into the cargo area of a flight straight
to Vienna.  They arrived at night, which was better luck than
any of them could have asked for.

Buffy awoke curled up on the soft white bed in the middle of
Spike's Vienna hideaway.  The room was just as bare as she
remembered it from the last time they were there.  Spike
was standing in the same place, against a wall staring at her.
Only now, Willow and Xander were lying on the floor across
the room.

"Why is it every time you and I conspire some plan to get our
lovers back, I end up in this bed with you staring at me?"
Buffy asked, looking at him accusingly.

"Luck?"

"Who for?" Buffy laughed a bit and swung her feet of the bed
to meet the cold floor.  Even to her skin, she felt a shiver
creep up her spine as she walked over to him.  She still wore
the black leather pants and skin tight white shirt she'd
changed into before they left Sunnydale.

Spike only smiled back at her, then quickly glanced and the
two others curled up in eachother's embrace beneath one of
the covered windows.

"Hungry?" He asked quietly.

"Three days of traveling without a bite, what do you think?"

"Forgot about that soul thing. You must be hungry."

"Any good places here where I can get a dead meal?  Last time
I was here, it really wasn't much of a concern."

"Yeah, there's a butcher's shop down the road."

"Yum," she said and gracefully danced back over to the bed where her
coat sat at the foot of the bed.  "You know, you have the strangest
taste in decorating."  She slipped her feet into her boots then
walked--although it sounded more like stomping with the boots--back
to Spike.

"Well, I don't really live here. I just use it for..." he trailed
off not quite sure if he should go into detail and hoping Buffy
would get the idea."

"I get it." Buffy thought for a second then her face crumbled into
a disgusted glare. "Ewww," she said aloud realizing she had been
sleeping in that bed.

* * * * *

"Angel.  Where are you pet?" Drusilla flew into the master bedroom
of her new mansion, a sexy red gown draped over her body.

"Here, love." Angel replied sliding off the bed and meeting her
in the middle of the room.

"Mummy's going to get something to eat.  You want?" Dru smiled
innocently and she certainly had a talent for making it look real.

"You know I can't Dru."  Angel reached for her and wrapped his
arms tightly around her tiny waste.  His fingers caressed her
soft skin at the absence of a back to her dress.

"Yes, I know. That pesky soul of your won't let you.  I'll bring
you some fresh blood."

"Thanks, my sweet," he said and placed several gentle kisses on her
forehead and down her nose until he reached her lips.  She wove her
fingers through his hair and kissed his lips deeply.  Quickly
shoving him away, she forced his arms to let go of her waist.

"I won't be long." She called and skipped out of the room.

After Drusilla finally left the room, Angel rubbed her taste off
his lips and spit, disgustedly to the floor.

"I have *got* to get the hell out of here!"  His act was working to
convince Drusilla, but he didn't know how much longer he could last.
If Buffy didn't figure out what was going on soon, he was going to
get caught.  The last thing he wanted to know is what a newly
powerful Drusilla would do to him if she ever found out that he had
lied to her and *pretended* to care for her.

Her damned spell kept him her prisoner.  He couldn't leave her and
yet she made not attempt to take away his soul.  She wanted him to
be hers, and she wanted him to suffer.

* * * *
-Michelle



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Dalton Spence <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: CHALLENGE: Consequences for Christmas
Date: 11 Nov 1998 00:11:02 -0500 (EST)

This reply has also been sent to the newsgroups.
After the events of this week's episode, I think my title pretty
much explains my fanfic challenge idea, but just in case:

It's the week before Christmas, and Joyce Summers is late. Is it
just stress (lord knows she has enough) or the result of too much
"chocolate"? Given this is the Hellmouth, the rabbit probably WILL
die ... but will it come back? (Can you say Bunnicula?) Is Buffy
ready for the toughest assignment of all ... BABYSITTING? Go to it!

--
              @==================================================@
              | Dalton S. Spence, B.Sc. <[e-mail]> |
              | Home Page: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/home.html  |
              |      Keeper of Cordelia's  Roll of Linoleum      |
              |      and Xander's Key to the Utility Closet      |
              |      Family Motto: Virtute Acquiritur Honos      |
              @==================================================@

-
Urgent! You must meet a long-lost uncle at Wall Street and get
the cummerbund. FNORD!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Black Fire <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Legacy of the Burgunds (2/?)
Date: 11 Nov 1998 09:12:12 -0800 (PST)

 Title: Legacy of the Burgunds
 Author: Black Fire
 Email: [e-mail]
 Feedback: Please?
 Spoilers: This part comes after Homecoming.  I need to see
 what happens with the next few episodes.  For now, this is like a
subplot to the current storyline.
 Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Buffy characters and I can't
 afford to.  (Though, I wish I could, a least afford to.)  Wolf and
any other
 characters (I haven't even given them all names yet, how lame) are
mine.
 Please do not use them without asking.
 Summary: This story is heavilly based in Germanic/Norse mythology,
 particularly, on the Saga of the Volsungs.  Two of the greatest
 legends of the past have returned, bringing who-knows-what with them.


 Legacy of the Burgunds

Chapter 2 -- A New Friend

    "So, are you still upset that Scott broke up with you?" Willow asked
a few weeks later.
    "What?" Buffy asked.  "Me upset about a *normal* guy breaking up with
me?  What gave you that impression?"
    "Oh, I don't know," Willow said, stirring her drink, "maybe the fact
that Faith's been complaining of sore muscles after training lately?"
    "Oh..." Buffy grinned sheepishly.
    "You'll find someone else," Willow smiled.
    "Yeah, maybe," Buffy pouted, as her thoughts, once again, turned to
the idea of Angel cooped up in that house.  He was a wreck, and she
wasn't being of much help.
    "Hello, ladies," an unfamiliar voice interrupted her thoughts.
    "Oh, hi!" Willow said, "when did you get back in town?"
    "A few days ago," the voice said.
    "Buffy," Willow said, getting her attention, "this is Wolf."
    "Hello," Buffy said as she finally looked up.  All thoughts of old
boyfriends were instantly erased.
    The guy standing at their table was gorgeous.  He was tall, well
built, with short, blond hair.  He looked like he could have, easily
taken on the entire Sunnydale High football team.  But it was the eyes
that caught Buffy's attention; a pair of beautiful, golden eyes that
seemed to gleam like precious metal.
    "Buffy Summers," she said, extending her hand.
    "Wolfgang Wagner," he said, taking her hand, "but, please call me
Wolf, all my friends do."
    "Wolf moved here over the summer," Willow explained.  "He was
supposed to transfer to Sunnydale High, but you sort of disappeared on
us right before school started."
    "Yes, my Grandmother fell very ill," Wolf continued.  "My father and
I had to return to Germany to help out the family."
    "Oh!" Willow frowned, "Is she all right now?"
    "No," Wolf sighed, "she died.  That's why we were gone so long.  We
were getting her affairs in order."
    "I'm sorry," Willow said, putting a comforting hand on the guy's
shoulder.
    "It's all right," he said.
    There was an uncomfortable silence.  Wolf then returned his attention
to Buffy.  "So, you're the infamous Buffy that I've heard so much
about this summer!"
    "Yep," Buffy smiled, "that's me.  Known by one and all as a juvenile
delinquent."
    "Oh, I don't know," Wolf laughed, "your friends don't seem to think
so."
    "Well, what can I say?" Buffy shrugged.  "I have a few people on my
side."
    "Well," he said, taking her hand, "I hope that I will be one of
those.  You're friends tell me good things about you.  And, from the
looks of it, you can't be as bad as other have said."
    "Thanks," Buffy replied, "I think."
    "Well, I'll see you two in school tomorrow," Wolf quipped.  "Chow!"
    "Bye!" the girls answered.
    "So...," Buffy said, after he left.
    "So... what?" Willow asked.
    "So why didn't you tell me that there was a hottie like that in
town?" Buffy demanded.
    "Well, I didn't think about it," Willow defended herself.  "And,
besides, you weren't in much of a talkative mood when you got back."
    "Oh, okay," Buffy stood down.  "You're off the hook."
    "He had a bit of trouble when he first moved here, though," Willow
said.
    "Really?" Buffy asked.
    "Yeah," Willow explained.  "Apparently, there's some kind of special
animal permit he had to get."
    "Animal permit?" Buffy asked, confused.
    "Oh!  You should see her!"  Willow exclaimed.  "She's the most
beautiful wolf I've ever seen!  And she's so friendly!  She wouldn't
hurt a flea!  But the city has problems with someone keeping a wolf,
so Wolf had to get a permit for her."
    "Well, let's just hope that they never find out about Oz then," Buffy
laughed as they were getting up to leave.
    "Hey!!" Willow cried, following her out.

==

The Black Fire          | Vote for me in the Site Fights!!
[e-mail] | http://www.thesitefights.com/sarina/nest2.htm
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
          "Don't worry.  I'm not here to eat."  -- Angel (IG)
_________________________________________________________
DO YOU YAHOO!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: REPOST: Vampires, Pookas, and Universal Amalgamators (1/?)
Date: 11 Nov 1998 01:13:32 -0500

Title: Vampires, Pookas, and Universal Amalgamators
Author: Northlight
email: [e-mail]
Summary: Dru is up to something, and Buffy and her friends get a strange
ally.
Note: This story is based on the events in Generation X #36 to #39 (?).
It was an absolutely *terrible* story arc in the comic, but I just had
to see how Buffy and her friends would react to the Pooka < g >. I just
hope that it doesn't get *too* silly!
Disclaimer: Buffy and the gang belong to Joss Whedon. The Pooka and all
related silliness belong to Marvel.


Vampires, Pookas, and Universal Amalgamators
by  Northlight



Buffy swirled around gracefully, the stake held in her hand with casual
familiarity finding it's mark in the heart of her
opponent. The vampire gaped at her for a moment, stunned that it's
unlife was over mere moments after it had begun. And
then, it's body shattered apart, nothing but dust left to mark the
undead creature's passing.

The vampire and the dust were expected, but the figure revealed by the
vampire's sudden departure was most assuredly not. Buffy's eyes widened,
and she shook her head in disbelief, trying to clear the strange vision
before her from her mind.

It didn't work.

There was still a giant, seven foot tall weasel lounging against a
headstone. A *weasel*, Buffy thought incredulously.  Granted, she had
seen a lot of strange things during her career as Slayer, but really,
this was just too ridiculous!

'What exactly do I do to the weasel?' Buffy wondered as she faced the
weasel awkwardly. 'Giles *never* covered anything like this!'

Buffy decided that it would be best to stick with tried and true
methods. She brandished her stake and glared at the weasel
threateningly. "What the hell are you?" Buffy demanded.

The weasel smiled suavely, and took a sip from it's martini. 'Oh God!'
Buffy thought, her shock level rising another notch. 'A giant, naked,
talking weasel with a martini! It must be the stress getting to me...'

"Elwood," the weasel said calmly. "Elwood the Pooka."

Buffy gaped at him. "Elwood the what?!" Seeing the weasel -- Pooka --
about to explain what exactly a 'Pooka' was, Buffy shook her head,
cutting the explanation off before it could begin. "Never mind, I don't
want to know!"

Elwood merely shrugged and took another sip of his martini. "I'm here to
help you, Buffy -- there's something really big going on, and seeing as
you're the Slayer and all, I thought that you'd want to be in on it!"

Buffy bit back her instinctive urge to demand how he knew that she was
the Slayer and nodded. "I think I'd better talk to Giles about this,"
she muttered, casting a quick glance towards the amused Pooka.

The large weasel nodded back to her. "That's fine with me! I haven't had
a chance to chat with a Watcher in ages! It should be a real blast."
That said, Elwood reached into his pocket of his coat -- the only
clothing he wore -- and riffled around. He then proceeded to pull out
what looked like nothing so much as a bumper car. "Hop in," he told
Buffy, already having settled himself into the rather cramped seat.

"What is that thing?" Buffy asked in shock. 'Could this night possibly
get any stranger? Pookas and bumper cars pulled from pockets... ugh, I'm
getting a headache just thinking about all this!'

"It's our mode of transportation to the library. It'll bounce us there
within moments," Elwood responded.

"I don't think so," Buffy said, casting a dubious glance at the small
car. "I'd rather walk, thank you very much!"

Elwood shrugged. "If you insist, but my way is much more exciting!" He
stepped out of the car and stuffed it back into his coat pocket. "So
let's get moving. Time is a wastin'!"

They made their way to the library without incident. Buffy rather
thought that any vampire that was out that night would have been scared
away by the sight of the large weasel at her side. As it was, Buffy felt
rather uncomfortable herself. She kept darting nervous peeks at Elwood.
'A weasel!'

As usual, Giles was in the library, engrossed in a large leather bound
book. Willow and Xander were also there, waiting for Buffy to finish her
nightly patrol before they left for the Bronze together. They looked up
at her arrival, and Buffy hesitated a moment. What was she supposed to
tell them? 'Hey guys, guess what followed me home? A giant weasel!'
Buffy gave a small, mental shrug, They'd figure out what he was on their
own.

"Say hi to Elwood," Buffy told them, gesturing towards her strange
companion.

Their eyes followed her hand, and then Xander's eyes shifted back
towards Buffy. "You've named the door Elwood? I've always rather thought
of it as a 'Jasper' myself."

"I'm not talking about the door, Xander!" Buffy exclaimed, slightly
irritable. How could he have missed the huge weasel? "I'm talking about
the weasel!"

"Um... Buffy?" Willow said hesitantly, as if worried about upseting her
dear and slightly unstable friend any further. "There's nothing there --
especially not any weasels."

Elwood snickered softly and Buffy turned to glare at him. "They can't
see you! And what exactly do you find so funny about all of this!?"

"I love doing that!" he exclaimed. Seeing the deadly look in Buffy's
eyes, the weasel quickly calmed down. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

Xander's eyes widened. Obviously, Elwood had fixed things. "Oh man --
it's a giant weasel!" He paused a moment. "Was it just me, or did that
sound like something I never thought that I'd be saying?"

"Oh my," Giles breathed, staring at Elwood. There was something
decidedly uneasy in the Watcher's eyes as he looked at the strange
creature in his library. "A Pooka!"

Buffy gave a slight sigh of relief. She wasn't going crazy. The others
had seen the blasted weasel, and Giles had obviously heard about these
'Pooka' creatures. "That's what he said," Buffy agreed with her
Watcher's placement of the weasel in weird creatures family.

Willow finally found her voice. She drew her eyes away from the naked
weasel and settled on the much more familiar and reassuring Giles. "A
what?" Willow asked, unknowingly asking a variation of the same question
Buffy had asked upon being informed of Elwood's Pookaness.

Noting Giles expression, Buffy realized that the Watcher looked almost
sick as he tore his attention from Elwood and
towards his young charges. "A Pooka -- A giant weasel that also happens
to be a mythical creature that appears only to
people that he wishes to see him." Giles explained.

"So what's our furry friend doing here?" Xander asked, watching the
Pooka with awe. He had never expected that a seven
foot tall, martini drinking Pooka would make an appearance in his life,
and he was taking full advantage to get in as much
amazed gawking as he could.

"I'm here to warn you about a grave danger that you'll be facing,"
Elwood said, basking in the glow of Xander's
attention.

"I thought that cryptic warnings were Angel's job," Xander said, "but
can we keep the Pooka instead?" His comment drew
a glare from Buffy.

"What, precisely, do you wish to warn us about?" Giles asked, focusing
on the matter at hand. And the quicker Elwood
delivered his message, the quicker they would be rid of the bloody
weasel.

The Pooka didn't have the chance to reply to Giles' question, for Angel
chose that moment to make his entrance into the
library. "Buffy, there's something about to happen tonight--" He came to
a sudden halt as the Pooka's presence became
evident.

"A Pooka!" Angel growled.

"A Vampire!" Elwood gasped.

Buffy moved towards Angel, placing herself between vampire and Pooka --
just in case there was some sort of blood
sucking demon/ talking weasel feud going on. "You've heard of them?" she
asked Angel. Buffy knew that there were
many things that Angel hadn't told her about his life -- but she figured
that his knowledge of the existence of seven feet tall
weasels should have demanded at least a brief comment on his part.

"Unfortunately," Angel said shortly.

"Why is it that nobody ever seems happy to see a Pooka?" Elwood asked
while sipping at his martini which didn't appear
to have lessened in content at all since the moment Buffy had first seen
the glass.

"Because you're more annoying than Spike even on his worst days?" Angel
snarled.

Elwood brushed aside Angel's comment. "You vampires are just annoyed
that you weren't admitted into UBEFSGTTP."

"UBEFSGTTP?" Buffy echoed. 'Do I even *want* to know what he's talking
about?"

"United brotherhood of elves, fairies, spirits, gnomes, trolls, tokens
and Pookas," Giles answered automatically, his
attention focused on the room's two non-human occupants. "Now will one
of you please tell us what it is that we're
supposed to be worrying about!?"

Angel spoke first. "Dru has the --"

"Universal Amalgamator," Elwood finished.

Xander looked from one creature to the other. "I'm guessing this isn't a
good thing?"

Giles' voice was strained when he answered. "Not at all."

End Part 1



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Vampires, Pookas, and Universal Amalgamators (2/?)
Date: 11 Nov 1998 01:20:51 -0500

Title:  Vampires, Pookas, and Universal Amalgamators
Author:  Northlight
email:  [e-mail]
Summary:  Dru's messing with reality, and Buffy and company team up with
a strange ally in order to stop her.
Disclaimer:  Half of it is Joss', the Pooka and the Universal
Amalgamator belongs to Marvel Comis -- the arc on which this story is
based appeared in 'Generation X'.
Author's Notes:  It's been forever since I posted the first part, and I
apologize for that (for anybody who cares, that is :).  If you want to
read the first part go to:
<http://www.geocities.com/~northlight/Pookas.html>

***

    "Universal what?!" Xander said blankly.

    Giles groaned and dropped down into a nearby seat.  "The Universal
Amalgamator -- one of the single most demented magical devices that has
ever been seen."

    "Details would be nice," Buffy snapped, her nerves frayed.  'Dru,
weasels, and demented magic-- just what we need!'

    Angel was pacing, his brow furrowed in concentration.  The Universal
Amalgamator was a difficult concept to grasp in even the best of times.
"The Universal Amalgamator has the ability to 'join all sentient beings
in all the universes into a single all-encompassing awareness." He
couldn't help but shake his head at the utter stupidity of the entire
notion of that damned Amalgamator.

    "So Drusilla wants to meld every dimension together?" Willow asked,
wide eyed.

    Giles nodded.  "That about sums it up, Willow."

    The Pooka, who had been calmly sipping at his martini during the
question and answer period turned back to the conversation.  "The
Amalgamator is a nasty little device -- capable of bringing around the
total destruction of the world as we know it."

    "So why would Drusilla want to use it?" Xander asked.  "Wouldn't that
mean that she'd loose out with the whole blood sucking thing?"

    "Dru may be a vampire -- but she also enjoys the thought of the end of
the world," Angel explained.  "It's a demon kind of thing."

    "That's a great bit of trivia," Buffy cut in, "but what are we going to
do about stopping her?!"

    The room was silent for a long moment as each of them tried to think of
the perfect plan to stop Dru from using the Universal Amalgamator.  Any
plan would have been nice, in fact.

    Finally, Elwood who had been traipsing across the library made his way
back to his new companions.  "Fortunately, there's a transdimensional
portal in the sports section of this library," he informed the startled
Giles.

    "A transdimensional portal?" Giles echoed, wide eyed.  Then he shook
his head, shaking off his questions.  Stopping Dru from using the
Amalgamator was far more important than indulging in his curiosity, at
least for the moment.  "Where to?"

    The weasel sipped at his martini before offering an answer.  "It will
drop us a short distance from the Citadel at the Edge of Reality, the
home of the Universal Amalgamator."  He gestured for them to follow him
into the stacks.

    The Pooka glanced at the books through his rodent-like eyes and finally
withdrew one titled 'The Rules and Regulations of the Game of Hockey'.
He flipped through it with remarkable ease considering the size of his
brown furred paws as Buffy and her friends watched with confusion.

    Elwood lay the book on the floor so that they could all see the large
illustration of a hockey rink.  "Step on in!" the weasel said, waving
his arm towards the book.

    'This book is a tradimensional portal?!' Buffy thought with disbelief.
But after a quick rundown of that night's events, she decided that the
location of the portal was no stranger than anything else that she'd
seen.

    With a shrug, Buffy placed one high heeled foot onto the pages of the
book.  "It didn't wor--!" Buffy began before a bright golden light
swirled up around her, sucking her through the pages.  She shrieked in
surprise as she was deposited none to gently into a snow bank.

    "It worked!" Buffy gasped, pulling herself out of the snow.  She
suddenly wished that she hadn't gone for the dress ensemble today.
"...I just got sucked through a book!"

    Buffy looked around curiously.  Other than the snow, the only thing
that she could see was giant topiary animals and a train. "Strange
much?" Buffy muttered as she cautiously examined her surroundings.

    With a cry, Angel, Giles, Xander and Willow tumbled into the same
snowbank Buffy had recently vacated.

    Angel pulled himself out of the snow with an annoyed hiss and looked
around.  His eyes narrowed.  "I don't like this place!" he growled.  "It
has a strange feel to it..."

    "Wow!" Xander gasped as he rolled our of the snow, and brushed it from
his hair.  "That definitely deserves a notch on the weirdness scale.
Where did the weasel go, by the way?"

    "That... Pooka better not have left us here!" Angel said.

    "Don't worry, my dear vampire!" Elwood replied, popping out from the
snow bank.  His unexpected arrival sent Willow and Giles stumbling to
their feet.  "I'm here until the end!"

    Willow wrapped her arms around herself, shivering violently.  "That's
nice.  But when do we get out of the cold?"

    Giles, whose usual tweed uniform was now earning him some degree of
protection, second only to the furry weasel, was looking around
curiously.  "Perhaps we should try the train.  Not only will it get us
out of the snow, but it may provide useful in allowing us to catch up
with Drusilla."

    "Exactly, my furless friend!" the Pooka exclaimed grandly, traipsing
through the snow towards the stationary train and it's giant greenery
guardians.  With a slight shrug, Buffy followed in the Pooka's rather
large footsteps.

    Inside the train, after a short session of stomping snow from
impractical summer shoes, the strange company found themselves studying
a list of potential destinations -- thoughtfully listed out and pinned
to a wall.

    Buffy wrinkled her nose as she glared irritably at the list of stops.
"Elsewhen, Nonesuch, Laputa, Neverhow, Avalon, Moria, C.O.T.U.A.," she
shook her head in disbelief.  "Who in the world comes up with these lame
names?"

    "Nobody in your world," Elwood replied suavely, taking an impossibly
delicate sip from his martini -- considering the giant snout dominating
his face.

    Angel turned to scowl at the weasel, dislike for the new cryptic
messenger shinning out from his narrowed eyes.  Seeing the look of pure
annoyance on her boyfriend's face, Buffy nudged him.  Taking the hint,
Angel abandoned his scathing reply for a more diplomatic turn of
conversation.  "What's C.O.T.U.A.?" he asked.  Seeing the weasel-like
smirk on Elwood's face, Angel had the sinking feeling that he'd just
walked into an utterly obvious answer.

    "The Citadel of the Universal Amalgamator," Elwood replied, and Angel
silently cursed as he realized it had indeed been an obvious answer.

    Willow's eyes brightened.  "So that's where Drusilla's going!  We have
someplace to start."

    Giles slipped off his glasses and gave them a vigorous scrubbing as he
deflated Willow's excitement.  "Yes.  But we still have no idea of how
we shall stop Drusilla from accessing the Universal Amalgamator before
she can meld all realities together."

    Xander grinned and thumped Giles on the back.  "Don't worry about it,
G-Man!  We'll do the same thing we always do -- make it up as we go
along and hope that we don't end up dead in the process."

    "Very reassuring, Xander!" Willow replied as the train let out a
piercing whistle and lurched into motion.

    "Onwards we go!" the Pooka cried, grinning madly as he tossed back his
drink.

***
End Part 2



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Black Fire <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Legacy of the Burgunds (1/?)
Date: 11 Nov 1998 17:42:39 -0800 (PST)

  Title: Legacy of the Burgunds
  Author: Black Fire
  Email: [e-mail]
  Feedback: Please?
  Spoilers: This part continues right after the prologue, which
happens after Faith, Hope and Trick.  I need to see
  what happens with the next few episodes.  For now, this is like a
 subplot to the current storyline.
  Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Buffy characters and I can't
  afford to.  (Though, I wish I could, a least afford to.)  Wolf and
 any other
  characters (I haven't even given them all names yet, how lame) are
 mine.
  Please do not use them without asking.
  Summary: This story is heavilly based in Germanic/Norse mythology,
  particularly, on the Saga of the Volsungs.  Two of the greatest
  legends of the past have returned, bringing who-knows-what with them.

For some reason, this didn't seem to have been sent out.  I appologize
to anyone who gets it twice.

  Legacy of the Burgunds

Chapter 1 -- Troubling Dreams

    Giles was waiting by the door when Buffy got there.  She didn't say a
word, just walked into the watcher's apartment and started pacing.
    "What seems to be the trouble?" Giles asked, confused.
    "I don't know," Buffy said, still pacing.  "I don't know.  I was a
sleep, well, of course I was asleep, and there was this huge explosion."
    "An explosion?" Giles asked.  "I didn't hear anything."
    "Not out there," Buffy stopped and made a general sweeping gesture,
indicating the outside world, then pointed to her head  "in here,"
    "Well, lots of times, people dream of exploding buildings, falling
off cliffs and such," Giles explained.  "I'm sure it's nothing to be
worried about."
    "No, no, no," the slayer argued, "this wasn't anything like that.  It
was bigger, terrifying."
    "Terrifying, how?" the watcher asked.
    "Like something's coming," Buffy answered with a look of fear in her
eyes, "something big.  I'm talking end of the world type stuff, Giles."
    "I'm sure you're just over reacting," Giles replied, trying to
maintain a level of calm in the room.
    "I don't think so," Buffy said, finally sitting down.  She cradled
her head in her hands and sighed, finally calming down.  "Maybe you're
right, though."
    "I'm sure I am," Giles replied gently.  "Even so, I'll look through
my books tomorrow, see if I can find anything that has to do with
large explosions.  In the meantime, though, why don't you go back home
and get some more sleep.  You'll feel better in the morning."
    "All right," Buffy sighed again.

*   *   *   *   *

    No more dreams, such as that troubled her again.  Giles was unable to
find any plausible correlation's between the dream and any known
prophecy.  Eventually, as the weeks wore on, Buffy forgot about what
she had seen, almost completely.

==

The Black Fire          | Vote for me in the Site Fights!!
[e-mail] | http://www.thesitefights.com/sarina/nest2.htm
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
          "Don't worry.  I'm not here to eat."  -- Angel (IG)
_________________________________________________________
DO YOU YAHOO!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: In My Life
Date: 15 Nov 1998 16:22:52 EST

Title: In My Life
Author: Meg R-C
E-mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Spoilers: Becoming
Disclaimer: Buffy, and Angel, Willow,etc belong Joss Whedon and the WB. The
song "In My Life" belongs to Lennon/McCartney. No copyright infringment
intended.
Summary: Angel is back from Hell after seven years and Buffy is preparing for
her wedding to another man.

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no on compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
                ~Beatles


    On her dresser is a constant reminder that I am not the first. He is taller
than me,
handsomer than me, and he has his arms around her. She is leaning against his
chest with an intimacy born from love, an intimacy she refuses to share with
me. On the back is an inscription: "The Slayer and the Angel. One is home,
where is the other? Willow". I had no idea what that meant, who this Willow
was, or what the hell a Slayer was. I just assumed that "the Angel" was
referring to Angela, but even that I didn't know for sure.
    Angela, she refused to speak of the picture to me. The first time I asked she
grew cold, distant, and refused to speak, staring me the eyes as if daring me
to ask again. I didn't. I couldn't. I loved her so much, I couldn't lose her
when I was this close to having her. We would be wed in seven days, and after
that she will tell me everything. She has too.
    I wanted to believe it, that once we were married she would grow to love me
the
way I love her, the way she used to, before the picture came. Ever since that
day six
months ago she has been distant, her touch has been cold. She seems to be
waiting for something, and everyday it doesn't come, she closes off a little
more

    In seven days it will be my wedding day. Every cell in my brain screams at me
to
marry Jeffrey, to forget Angel. Become Angela once and for all, shed the last
remnants of Buffy Summers that exist. He never came for me, I can't wait
forever. Jeff loves me, more than I deserve. I can't keep throwing away my
life for Angel, I have to move on.
    The only problem is that I don't love Jeff, not in the way that I love Angel.
I used
to think that I did, I thought that when I accepted his proposal, I thought
that through the two years of courtship prior to the proposal, and for three
months afterward. But then that damn picture came in the mail. Why couldn't
Sunnydale and everyone in it just remain a memory? Why couldn't all the
memories stay where they had been hidden for seven years: in the deepest,
darkest corner of my mind, under lock and key? But that picture forced me to
remember what I would rather forget: everything about my past, about Buffy
Summers, her stupid sacred duty, and her stupid love.
    The message is what got to me the most. Angel was back, back from Hell, where
I sentenced his soul to eternity. Eternity that lasted seven years.  And now
he was back.
    But I refused to go back just the same. I was terrified, I'll admit it.
Terrified of
going back full of hope, only to be squashed by a "We can never be together"
speech. I couldn't handle the rejection again, I need to be loved. Jeff loves
me, if Angel did he would come after me, and not let me marry someone else. He
has seven days to come to me, to tell me that we can be together as long as I
live.  Unless he does I will banish Buffy Summers and cursed memories to the
darkness that lurks in my heart, and I will become 110% Angela damon, married
woman and clueless to what lurks in the night.
    I prayed that he would come.

    "If anyone has any reason that these two shall not be wed. Speak now, or
forever
hold your peace."
    Angela stood beside me more beautiful than I had ever seen her few strands to
frame her face. She was clad in a white satin gown my sister Marian had helped
her
choose, she had no family that she spoke of, or that was present. I loved her
so much, with every core of my being. Finally she would be mine, and I would
legally be hers, although, truly she had owned me since the moment we first
met.
    She stirred beside me, and I felt her turn her head and look beyond me and
down
the isle. Turning my heart sank as a group of six people filed into the last
row. But their arrival as a whole was not what caused my impending sense of
doom, but a single member of the group, him. The man from the photograph,
although he didn't seem to have aged a day since it was taken. He was only one
that did not sit, standing at the end of the row.
    And then he smiled at her, my Angela.
    "Angel," I heard her whisper beside me, startled I glance at her. Every part
of her
being radiated love, and warmth, all directed towards him.  She moved towards
him, and in my shocked state I did nothing to stop her.

    Angel. He was here, he had come. So had Willow and Oz and Xander and
Cordelia and Giles. They were all here, they had come for me at last.
    I felt my feet move towards him, I felt Jeff's shock as they did.  But he
didn't stop
me, he loved me to much to hold me back. I think that even he realized what
Angel and I had always refused to believe, but secretly hoped: we were
destined to be together.
    I don't remember how I got there, the moments are all a blur. I was in
Angel's
arms, for the first time in eight years. For the first time since that fateful
morning when he died and Angelus broke free.
    "I'm so sorry," I murmured.
    "I'm sorry it took me so long," He replied.
    "I love you."
    "I love you too Buffy."
    And our lips met in a kiss to end all kisses, and for the first time in nine
years I was happy just to be where I was, I was where I belonged. In Angel's
arms, in his warm embrace of love, with his lips connected to mine.

    I watched him kiss her, and her kiss him.  Every cell in my body screamed for
me to do something, not to let her slip away. But I knew that she was already
gone, that she had never really been there to begin with.
    They kissed, and then she fell, and he disintegrated.
    He disintegrated! His body turned to ashes, which covered her fallen body
like a
blanket.  The entire congregation, all but those remaining five that had come
in with him, whose name I now knew to be Angel, gasped as her body fell and
his disappeared.

Epilogue (Willow's POV)

    Officially Buffy died of a brain tumor, and Angel never existed. Buffy was
twenty-
six when she died, the only Slayer to live past the age of nineteen. We all
knew it would happen. Angel was living on borrowed time, released from Hell by
a God who only allowed him long enough to set right what his demon had
wronged. Buffy was his last penance, all else had been righted.
    It seemed that in the 251 years that he lived Angel amassed quite a large
fortune, which was promptly spread about to all the families of all of
Angelus's victims. Unbeknownst to us at the time, he also left a rather hefty
fortune to each of the Slayerettes, so that we "may once again regain the
lives that you all lost so many years ago".
    Once all was righted with Buffy, once true love was reunited, he had
fulfilled all henhad returned for. He had no more time on this earth.
    Which is why it took him so long to go after Buffy. He was reluctant, to say
the
least, to tell her how much he loved her, to have her place her love in him
again, only to leave her, and break her heart. It wasn't until we learned of
her condition that he finally agreed, plus with her upcoming nuptials he had
no choice.
    Buffy's condition, the one stumped the doctors more than they'd like to
admit.
According to Jeff Hinder, Buffy, or Angela as he called her, had never
exhibited any signs of illness or fatigue, and no previous neurological exams
had turned up any evidence of a tumor. What they didn't know was that it was
physically impossible for a Slayer to live past her twenty-seventh birthday,
Buffy's wedding day. Jeff said that he had no idea why Angela/Buffy had
insisted on that particular date for their wedding, and that he had never
questioned her about it.
    I know that she was giving Angel one last chance to start where they left
off, on
the very anniversary of the day they were torn apart. With that reuniting kiss
Buffy
stopped fighting her body, trusting in Angel to see her through. And he did,
and now
they're in heaven, forever together. At last.

Fin

~Please send feedback. I'm not sure if it makes sense, I tried to explain
everything in the epilogue but I'm not sure if I did a good job at it. So
feedback, please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Moving On
Date: 15 Nov 1998 14:21:15 PST

Author's Note: This story takes place during the upcoming 1999 series
æAngel'.   According to this story the kiss between Willow and Xander in
Homecoming never happened.

Spoilers: Anything before Homecoming could be spoilers.  Also I have no idea
what is really going to happen in the series æAngel' so this is not "what's
going to happen".

Feedback:  Please!  [e-mail]

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy.  Blah blah
blah don't sue me.   The quotes throughout the piece are from the song How?
off Lisa Loeb's Firecracker CD.

***The << >> represent song quotes.

<<I didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me.
And now you want to ask me, "how"?>>


Cordelia Chase had gone home to Sunnydale, California for the weekend.  She
hadn't been there in a little over a month.  Before that she had returned
almost every weekend and if she hadn't gone there then he had come to visit
her.  But it had been a full month since they had seen each other.  Maybe it
had to do with their last fight.  The fight Cordelia could not even remember
what it had been over.  But it had been big.  They hadn't broken up.  Why
would they after putting up with each other for almost two years?

When she first arrived she had run into Buffy Summers, who immediately asked
about Angel.

Cordelia gave an irritated sigh, "He's . . . Angel.  The same annoying
Vampire that is always around with bad news."

Angel lived near Cordelia's Los Angeles college.  They saw a lot of each
other no matter how much Cordelia couldn't stand him.  Most of the time when
they were together they argued.  She had thought her and Xander were
complete opposites attract but Angel was so completely different from her.
And to make things worse all of her sorority sisters loved him.  They
drooled and acted like love sick school kids whenever he came around.  They
couldn't understand why Cordelia didn't dump her boyfriend back home that
she always fought with to be with Angel.

Buffy smiled a knowing smile, "Sounds the same to me.  I should come visit
you guys soon."

"You know you are always welcome."  Cordelia waved knowingly.  Buffy had
been to visit a few times and had actually hit it off pretty well with the
other girls in the sorority.  Cordelia and Buffy got along a lot better too.
They actually agreed on a lot of things and had fun when they hung out.

"So I guess you want to go see Xander."

Cordelia glanced over at Buffy as they headed into the Bronze doors, "Has he
said anything?"

Buffy shook her head, "All I know is what you told me.  Big fight.  Haven't
talked in a month."  Buffy stopped and put her hand around Cordelia's
forearm, "Cordy, he's been . . ."  Buffy stopped and bit the inside of her
cheek.

"What?"  Cordelia asked, not sure what Buffy was getting at.

Buffy shook her head and turned away, "Nothing.  He should be here."

The Bronze was the same as it had been when they had gone to High School.
Normally Cordelia would not have been caught dead in here after graduating
but in Sunnydale there was nothing else to do and Xander was here and he was
the reason she was in town.

Cordelia saw him before he saw her.  He was on the dance floor, dancing to a
slow song with her.  Willow Rosenberg.  Willow went to a school only twenty
miles away so it was easier for her to come back home all of the time.   And
it seemed her and Xander had grown closer since the move.  That was what
their last fight had been about.  Cordelia had asked him to come visit her
the weekend of the Sorority/Fraternity dance.  But Willow had beat her to
it.  Her own Sorority having a dance the same night.

"You're my boyfriend not hers, Alexander Harris!"  Cordelia had screeched,
near tears.  She had been hysterical, not understanding.  Jealous would be
the right word for it.

He was confused at her anger.  He didn't understand where it came from.  He
never did.  When Cordelia had talked to Buffy about it, Buffy had understood
completely why Cordelia had been so . . . jealous.  But Cordelia didn't need
Buffy to understand she had needed Xander to.

"It hurts to see them like that."  Cordelia whispered.

Buffy glanced at her with sad eyes but didn't reply.

"But you know why it hurts so much?  Cause they look like they belong
together.  And ever since we first started going out she was the only one I
was scared of taking him away from me.  I knew he had a thing for you but I
always knew it would never be returned, not the way he wanted it.  I knew
your heart was somewhere else.  But with her . . ."  Cordelia pointed to
them and turned to Buffy, "I knew that eventually the dumbass would open his
eyes and see how wonderful she is."

Buffy didn't know what to say.  She knew too much as it was.

"Hey Buffy.  Cordelia, I didn't know you were coming into town this
weekend?"

Cordelia turned to smile at Willow, "Yeah, last minute decision.  Angel
really pissed me off and I had to get away from him."

Buffy laughed, "He's good at that."

Cordelia looked over Willow's head to see Xander standing behind her.  He
was watching Cordelia, weary, not sure on how to approach her.  Cordelia
smiled weakly at him and he carefully walked over to her and kissed her on
the cheek, "Long time no talk." he whispered.

She nodded not sure why there were tears in her eyes.  She turned away and
nodded at Buffy, "You need to come visit and get whatever is up Angel's ass
out of there.  I am growing sick of him.  And god my Sorority sisters, they
won't leave me alone about him."

"Is he seeing anyone?"  Buffy wearily asked.

Cordelia threw her head back and laughed, "Angel?  Mr.
I'm-a-Vampire-with-a-soul-so-I'm-not-good-enough-for-anyone.  Or is it
no-one-is-good-enough-for-me?"

Buffy smiled relieved but sad.

* *

Cordelia and Xander were finally alone.  And filled with silence, both were
weary on what to say.  Cordelia figured it was because of the fight over a
month ago.

"Look, Xander, this is stupid . . ."

"Cordelia I need to tell you something . . ."

They both stopped and smiled at each other.  At least the silence was
broken.

Cordelia scooted closer to him on the couch and gently touched his hand,
"I'm sorry I got so jealous."

Xander turned his hand over and laced their fingers together, he took his
other hand and softly traced her hand in his, "I think we should break up
Cordy."

Cordelia's heart stopped and tears immediately sprang to her eyes.  She
jerked her hand away from his and his eyes rose to meet hers.

She turned away from him to hide her pain that was surely written all over
her face, "What?  Because of that stupid fight."

"That. And . . ."

"I said I was sorry Xander.  What else do you want me to say?  I was
jealous, and I think I had every right to be."

"And you did have every right to be.  I get jealous every time you talk
about Angel or any other guy for that matter back in Los Angeles."

Cordelia turned back to him, "But I never even thought of them in any other
way other then as friends.  I didn't go to any dances with them."

"Willow is my best friend."

"And I know that.  But why do . . .why do you want to break up?"  Cordelia
questioned.  She felt like her heart was already breaking.

Xander had been the first guy she had let in on her.  He had been the first
guy that she had let herself go with.  She had let herself fall in love with
and he had changed her.  For the better.  Made her open her eyes and see the
world for what it was.  He had cared for her.

"Because."  He stopped and took her hand back into his, "God this is so hard
for me."

"Oh gee and I assume it's easy for me to hear this?"  Cordelia snapped.  Her
defenses were fastly forming to protect herself.  Her heart.

He sighed, "We are so different from each other."

"Duh.  But I thought we had worked through this two years ago."

"Look Cordy, Willow and I.  We're . . . together now."

Cordelia jerked her hand back and stood up, moving away from him.  Her chest
felt like it was on fire, her breathing weak.  "Oh."  Was all she could
manage to say.

Xander's eyes softened which seemed to only anger her.  He stood up and
started for her, "Cordy, I'm sorry . . ."

"No.  You know maybe you're right.  No.  You are right.  My Sorority sisters
were all right.  Angel was right.  Buffy was right.  God, why am I so blind?
Everyone told me you were not worth my time and I didn't listen to any of
them because I thought that what we had was special.  I thought we loved
each other."  Her words were full of anger and spite.

"We were.  Are.  Cordy I loved you and I still do, very much.  But . . .
it's not like what it used to be."

"Yeah well . . . I hope you and Willow have a happy life together.  Good-bye
Alexander Harris.  The last two years were a waste of my time and the worst
mistake I have ever made."

She turned and started for the door to his apartment.  He stopped her just
as she stepped out, "Cordelia, don't end it like this.  I care for you and
want to remain friends.  We have all been through so much together."

Cordelia turned to face him no longer hurt, just angry, "All that we have
done together and been through together means nothing to me.  Never has and
never will."

He actually looked hurt.  But Cordelia didn't see nor care.  She turned on
her heal leaving him and Sunnydale for good.  She intended to never return
again.

<<It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breath?>>


        * * *


<<Why did you come here?
You weren't invited.
You were on the outside - stay on the outside.
And now you want to ask me why?>>


"Cordy, Angel's here."

Cordelia groaned as she sat up in her bed.  She swung her legs over to the
side, stood up and headed to the bedroom door.

She opened it to see Angel standing there with Kindy standing two feet
behind him practically drooling.

Cordelia offered a fake smile at Angel and let him into her room and started
to shut the door on Kindy, "Thanks Kindy, I can take it from here."

Kind leaned forward and whispered, "Now that Xander is out of the picture
you and Angel can really hit it off."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and shut the door in Kindy's face, "God."  She
mumbled before turning to see Angel standing right behind her.

"So what do I owe this honor of you visiting me?  Is there great danger in
L.A.?  Or wait I know some of your cousins have come to visit and we're on
the menu?"

Angel laughed and Cordelia's eyes widened, "I don't think I've ever heard
you laugh before."

Angel continued to smile, "It's just, Buffy said the same thing to me once.
You guys are a lot alike."

Cordelia let herself smile and offered a chair to Angel as she sat on the
edge of her bed, "So, really, what's up?"

"Buffy called and told me what happened.  She wanted me to check up on
you."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, "Great.  Now you're being Mr. . . well I can't
think of a good cut down so I'll not say anything."

Angel smiled again, "You seem to be okay."

Cordelia waved her hand, "Yeah well.  What am I supposed to do sit around
and mope about him?  He's not worth the pain."

"You loved him."

Cordelia's eyes narrowed and she turned her face to look out the window,
"So?  It doesn't mean anything."

Angel stood up and sat beside her on the bed, "Yeah it does.  It means
everything.  Love isn't something that just dies because the guy is a fool
and says it's over."

Cordelia felt the tears coming again.  She had cried a lot since returning
from Sunnydale but she had been able to hide her pain and tears from
everybody.  Including Buffy who had made a short day trip the day after
Cordelia had left Sunnydale.

Angel lightly touched her shoulder, "Cordy, you need to let go before you
can truly heal."

Cordelia jumped away from his touch.  He had never touched her like that, in
fact he had never tried to comfort her.  They had spent most of the past
year together fighting off evil forces that slipped past Sunnydale, but even
if she got hurt badly the most he would do is help her bandage the wound up.
Then they would argue over something.  No matter how hard she had tried, her
and Angel had never been able to get along.

"I think you should leave."  Cordelia said her back to him.  The tears were
falling and she felt embarrassed.

"Cordelia, don't be scared to cry or feel.  You are such a brave human when
it comes to facing all the evil forces out there.  It's okay to let go every
now and then.  It's normal."

Cordelia whirled around, "Not for me.  I don't like caring.  I don't like
being so helpless, but I am here.  I am the loser and I have never been the
loser before."  The tears fell harder as her face fell.  She couldn't feel
the anger anymore.  Just the pain.

Angel stood up and took her into his arms.  She hid her face in his chest,
welcoming the comfort of his strong arms.

Softly Angel rubbed his hands in circles around her back, gently massaging
all the tension.  It felt weird to be comforting Cordelia.  She was always
the strong one, she had such a backbone to her that Angel thought she never
broke down.  He would have thought she never cared for anyone also but
anytime Xander would visit and Angel would see the two of them together, he
knew that if she didn't care for anyone else she at least cared for Xander.
Angel knew how much Cordelia loved Xander and that was without her ever
saying it.  He knew by just watching.

"Why does it hurt so much when all I want to do is hate him?"  Cordelia
mumbled.

"If you love someone it can't just go away with words."  She lifted her face
to look at his.  Angel brought his hands around to cup her face and gently
whipped the tears with his thumbs, "Give it time, it's the only thing that
will ease the pain."

"What if it never goes away?"

Angel was surprised at how young and vulnerable she looked at the moment.
As if she were once again a young child that had been hurt by a bully or had
been chastened by her father.

"It will Cordy.  In time."

"You promise?"  She asked.  As if his promise would fix everything.  As if
he promised then she knew that soon it would all be better.

Angel brought his hands to her hair and softly ran his fingers through it,
"I promise."

She brought her face back to his chest as the tears slowed.

Angel pulled away after a few moments, "I better go."

"Yeah."  Cordelia nodded her agreement.

He headed to the door and before opening it turned back around, "If you ever
need someone to talk to or . . . just need to cry, don't ever be afraid to
come by my place."

Cordelia nodded and softly said, "Thanks."

She stood there for a few moments after he left in a mix of emotions,
heartache, anger and confusion.  Her and Angel had never connected like
that.  It's like Xander had stood between her and Angel.  Not that he really
had been, but.

Cordelia changed into her nightclothes and slid under her covers after
turning off the light.  There was fear in her heart as well.  Angel had
always been on the outside, they had kept their personal lives away from
each other.  There had been a few times when Angel had commented on a fight
her and Xander had had in front of him.  He had always been fast to put
Xander down, say he wasn't worth her time but Cordelia had taken it as Angel
trying to piss her off again.

Cordelia wasn't sure if she liked Angel being on the inside now.

<<It's like - why does your heart beat, and how do you cry?>>


                    * * *


<<And there are some things that I'd like to figure out.
There are some things that I can do without -
like you, and your letters that go on forever,>>


Cordelia recognized the handwriting before she even read the words on the
envelope.  It was a letter from Willow.  Gee how appropriate.  Willow thinks
they can all still be friends.

Cordelia ripped the envelope open in her room after only briefly thinking of
just throwing the entire thing away.

Cordelia-

I found this letter in Xander's room one night when I was straightening up.
I thought maybe you would like to see it.  He'll probably be pissed when he
finds out I sent it but that's okay.  I still love and care for you very
much.

                Always
                    Willow

Cordelia rolled her eyes and put the page down on the desk.  She took a deep
breath and glanced down at Xander's sloppy handwriting.

Cordy

You hate me now.  More then you have ever hated me and I don't blame you.  I
know I handled everything wrong.  I want you to know that when I broke your
heart, I broke mine.  Your love was everything to me, even with all we have
been through I always thought you would be the one I would love and care for
forever.  And I know now that I will always have a special place in my heart
with your name on it.   And I also know I will never send this letter to you
but maybe it will help me with the pain I feel.  Yes I am hurting too.
Maybe not as much as you are.  Or at least I think you are hurting.  You
probably already had a boyfriend waiting when you left Sunnydale, I'm sure
there are tons of guys who will want to love and care for you the way I
never could.  I was always scared you would realize what an ass I was and
dump me for one of them good-looking college guys.  But you never did.  And
the only explanation I can think of is you loved me.  And it goes without
saying that I am worse then any monster Buffy has ever had to face, because
I took that love and threw it back in your face.

Cordelia I wish you only the best in life and hope that in the future we can
speak to one another.  I know what we had as friends will never be.  That's
my fault.  But promise me you will NEVER let any guy harm you in anyway.
You deserve better then that.  You deserve the best and you of all people
know that.

I love you Cordelia Chase.  Always have and always will.  No one can take
that from me.

Forever
Alexander L. Harris

Cordelia sat the letter down and sighed.  After a few moments she picked up
her address book and flipped through it.  She dialed the number and waited.

<<And you, and the people that were never friends.>>

"Hello?"

"Hi.  Is Willow in?"  Cordelia asked.

"Yeah.  Hold on.  WILLOW IT'S FOR YOU!"

There was a shuffling then Cordelia heard her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hi.  It's Cordelia."

"Oh.  Hi Cordy.  This is a surprise."  Willow's voice sounded shaky.

"I'm sure it is."  Cordelia knew she sounded cold but she was past caring.

"So I guess you got the letter?"  Willow asked, trying to keep her own voice
upbeat.

"Yeah.  And thanks but no thanks."

"I'm sorry?"

"Look Willow.  You may think everything can be peachy keen between all of us
and we can have ourselves a happy threesome and be the friends we once were
but it will never, ever happen.  You can keep dreaming but to me you both
are a part of a very icky past I would just as soon forget then ever be
friends with the likes of you again."

"Cordy."  Willow started.

"No.  Don't, I just wanted to call and tell you to not bother anymore.  If I
see a letter from either of you, I will dump it in the trash without reading
it."

"Okay."  Willow answered weakly, "I understand and I'm sorry."

"You sure are."  Cordelia hung up the phone without a second thought.


          * * *

<<with all the things that you could be
you never could learn how to be me.>>

". . . and she had the nerve to send it to me."  Cordelia rambled on.

Angel took the letter from Cordelia's outstretched hand and Buffy leaned
over to read it.  Cordelia sat there in silence fuming.  After a few hours
of crying, being mad and feeling like she was ready to burst she had headed
over to Angel's.  Buffy was in town and her and Angel had been getting ready
to go eat dinner when Cordelia had arrived.

"Wow."  Buffy breathed as she moved away from Angel.

Angel handed the letters back to Cordelia, watching her wearily.  He knew
that the letter had only caused her pain and could see it clearly in her
eyes.

Cordelia turned her eyes from his stare and settled them on the pages in her
hand.  Then as if something had pushed her she ripped the pages to pieces.

"I don't care anymore."  She grumbled, "It's time to move on.  Neither of
them are worth my time."

"Willow called and told us about your phone call.  You shouldn't have said
those things.  She was crying."  Buffy stated.

"What else was I supposed to do?  Just forgive and forget?  It's not that
easy."  Cordelia growled.

"God Cordelia do you ever think about anybody but yourself.  They are
hurting too."

Angel glanced at Buffy his eyebrows lowered and turned back to Cordelia, he
reached out his hand and lightly rested it on hers.  She didn't move away
from him or flinch, "You're right Cordy.  They aren't worth your time."

"Angel."  Buffy whined.

Angel turned to Buffy, "Look, why don't you head out and I'll meet you
downstairs."

They starred each other down, Buffy finally releasing as she stood up and
headed to the door.

"Cordy. . ."

"I don't want to hear it Buffy.  I know who's side you are on."  Cordelia
answered with no feeling.

"There are no sides."  Buffy said then shut the door behind her.

"I should have known."

Angel squeezed her hand, "You know how much Buffy cares and adores you?
Cordelia that girl looks up to you.  As strange as it may seem, she has
always wished she could be you.  Not really having any cares except what to
wear and who the cute guy is.  She was once like that and it was all taken
away from her in one moment.  I think the main reason she likes coming out
here is she gets to spend time with you and for one moment forget about all
the destiny, Chosen One, Slayer crap she is faced with everyday.  So if you
worry about whose side Buffy will be on, there is no doubt in my mind she
would stand by you."

Cordelia's eyebrows lowered in confusion, she had never known or suspected
any of what he had said.

"But it's not fair to her, to make her choose.  She also cares for Willow
and Xander.  They have stood by her from day one.  Comforted her, cared for
her when she needed them the most.  Willow was in the wrong for calling her.
It's hard on Buffy because she doesn't want to have to choose.  So you have
to know that she will try and do what she can to have everybody be friends
again."

"But she has to know it can never be.  I can never be comfortable enough to
be around them two."

"But maybe in time you will be.  Once you are able to pick up and move on.
Find another guy, someone who will do you better.  You know I always thought
you were too good for Xander.  And actually I think Willow is too good for
him."

Cordelia lowered her face and Angel brought his other hand to her chin and
lifted it back up, "If you need someone to be on your side though, just know
that I will always be there to hold your hand.  I will never walk behind you
or in front of you, always beside you."

"Thank you Angel.  I guess one good thing came out of all of this."

"And what's that?"

"It made us better friends."  Cordelia smiled softly at him and he nodded.

"That it did.  Now why don't you come to dinner with us."

They both stood up and started for the door.  As Angel shut it behind them
Cordelia turned around with a smile on her face, "What do you think of
Cody?"

"Oh Cordelia, Cody?  He's such a football jock with no neck, only here to
party and get drunk loser.  You can do better."

"Ian?"

"Druggie."

"Andy?"

"Dead."

"You?"

"Vampire."

"Come on.  Is there anybody that would satisfy you?"  Cordelia teased.

"You know Cordy.  Probably not."  Angel smiled back at her and could tell
already her pain was easing.

<<It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breath?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breath?>>


-FIN




_______________________________________________________
Get your free, private e-mail at http://mail.excite.com/



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: I Don't Know How To Let You Go (1/1)
Date: 15 Nov 1998 17:53:57 EST

TITLE: I Don't Know How To Let You Go
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it, take it. Just tell me where it's going.
SUMMARY: Cordelia's reaction to Willow/Xander
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Through Band Candy
FEEDBACK: Feedback is to me as chocolate is to Xander
DISCLAIMER: Cordelia, Xander, and the rest of the Buffy crew belongs to Joss
Whedon & Co. No copyright infringement intended.

This is just a 10-minute-Danielle-avoiding-her-term-paper fic. Enjoy! :)

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET YOU GO

"I have the sense to recognize I don't know how to let you go"
                                                     "Do What You Have To Do",
Sarah McLachlan

Cordelia slammed the book shut with a resounding thud. "Big fat nothing here,"
she noted to the startled Watcher. She stood up with a sigh, heading towards
the stacks to return this book and replenish her supply of dusty volumes of
obscure demons. "I can't believe I'm giving up my Saturday night to research
yet another
demon. Hasn't Giles got them all memorized by ---"

Cordelia let her complaint trail off, stunned by the sight that met her eyes.
She swallowed hard, resisting the urge to cry out. She felt like she'd had a
stake from Buffy's crossbow driven into her heart, the pain was that sudden
and intense.

Xander. Her Xander. And Willow. Kissing.

Cordelia retreated a few steps into the shadows of the bookcases. Safely
hidden from sight, Cordelia watched her boyfriend with a growing feeling of
disappointment welling up in her stomach. She couldn't take it anymore. She
turned away.

It all made sense now. The strange looks Xander and Willow had been giving
each other. The guilty look that had been in Xander's eyes for the past few
weeks. Willow's jumpiness around her. Cordelia couldn't believe she hadn't put
the pieces together sooner.

She fought to hold the tears back. "Damn you, Xander," she whispered to
herself. "Why did you make me fall in love with you?" Xander had been a
completely new experience for her. She'd never actually cared so much about a
guy before. Usually she dated them till she was bored, then broke up with them
and bestowed the honor of dating Cordelia Chase upon another, cuter guy.

And then Xander came along. She'd hated him for years. Never expected to talk
to him, let alone date him. But she'd gotten swept into the Scooby gang.
Spending more time around Xander. And then that day they'd kissed in Buffy's
basement . . she knew she'd been a goner right there, but she refused to admit
it to herself.

But Xander had gotten to her. He'd made her laugh, he made her furious with
his constant insults, and he made her feel special without even meaning to.
And she'd fallen in love with him. And she'd thought he loved her too.

But this. Cordelia had always been afraid she'd lose Xander to his beloved
Buffy. But she'd been aware of the threat Willow possessed. She had prayed
Xander would never wake up and realize what a beautiful, intelligent girl
Willow really was. But Willow had seemed happy with Oz, and Xander never gave
her much of a second look. Willow was his best friend. Cordelia was his
girlfriend. The line was drawn.

But obviously Xander had woken up. And Willow had never fallen out of love
with Xander. The kiss she'd witnessed proved that beyond a doubt. She knew she
couldn't compete with Willow. But she didn't want to let Xander go.

Xander was the only person who knew the real Cordelia, who saw her beyond the
exterior she presented. She didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to lose
that. So what was she going to do? She knew the more she held on to him, the
more he'd slip away. She let out a sigh of frustration and regret, and wiped
away the tear that had escaped from her eye. She wasn't going to cry. Not yet
anyway.

She knew what she was going to do. She was going to break up with Xander
before he had the chance to dump her. And she'd act like she didn't care, that
he hadn't meant that much to her. She wouldn't show how much she was hurting,
how much she did care. The Cordelia Chase reputation would be intact.

But she would know. And she thought Xander would too. She wasn't going to tell
him she'd seen him with Willow. She'd keep that to herself. If Xander decided
to tell her, that would be okay, but she wouldn't tell him. She'd let him go.
And she wouldn't look back.

"But I'm going to keep on loving you, Xander. Because I don't know how to let
you go," Cordelia whispered. "I don't know how to let you go."

END



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Kitiara" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: If I Never Knew You
Date: 15 Nov 1998 20:05:21 -0500


Title: If I Never Knew You
Author: Kitiara Hashiba
E-mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: <Rob Schneider voice a la "Waterboy"> You can do it! </Rob>
Spoilers: Becoming
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel, and all plotlines/flashbacks in this song-fic were
created by Joss Whedon and Co. "If I Never Knew You" is copyright Disney.
Don't sue me.
Summary: A reunion of Buffy and Angel put to a fitting song.
Quik-Note: The flashbacks and actions in the [bracket thingies] are being
done as the lines that follow them are being sung. Don't worry... it should
make some sort of sense. I hope. ^_^


ôIf I Never Knew Youö
The male lines of the song are labeled Angel, the female lines, Buffy.

[Scene opens: Angel is perched on a rooftop, among several gothic statues.
He walks around the rooftop aimlessly, reminiscing. It is raining quite
hard, but he doesnÆt seem to notice.]

Angel:
If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

[We see Angel and Buffy slow dancing in the Bronze, her silver cross burning
him]

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
[From the last encounter with Acathla, AngelÆs eyes flare yellow as his soul
is returned]
How at last I find in you
The missing part of me

[Buffy and Kendra drag Angel out of a burning church where Spike had
attempted to kill him.]

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
[From when he and Buffy were possessed, he wipes away her tears as they
dance in the music room.]
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

[Angel puts a claddagh ring on BuffyÆs ringer, promising to return to her.
Both of them have tears in their eyes.]
And IÆm so grateful to you
IÆdÆve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

[Scene change: Buffy is sitting on her window sill, her eyes staring out
into the storm. She is obviously thinking about Angel.]

[Buffy cries as she tells Angel she loves him, even though she shouldnÆt.]

Buffy:
If I never knew you
IÆd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

[Angel smiles at Buffy as she rambles on about her motherÆs boyfriend while
she wraps up his arm. He pulls her towards him and kisses her.]

IÆm so grateful to you
IÆdÆve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

[Now our view is split: we see both Angel and Buffy in their respective
places, looking at the storm.]

Angel:
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Buffy:
Somehow weÆd make the whole world right

Angel & Buffy:
[Angel and Buffy sword fight as Acathla is about to be reborn.]
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
ll they leave us were these whispers in the night

[Buffy stops as sheÆs about to kill Angel, realizing WillowÆs curse has
taken effect.]

And still my heart is saying we were right

[The memories come faster to both of them now.]

Buffy:
[Angel startles Buffy in a graveyard as she patrols.]
If I never knew you
    Angel:
    [Angel tosses Buffy a velvet box which contains a cross.]
    ThereÆs no moment IÆd regret
Buffy:
[Buffy tenderly puts a hand on AngelÆs vampiric face and kisses him.]
If I never knew you
    Angel:
    [Buffy tackles Angel, who she believes to be stalking her.]
    Since the moment that we met
Buffy:
[Buffy and Angel kiss in front of her bedroom window.]
I would have no inkling of
    Angel:
    [Angel pulls away, his face transformed into that of a vampire.]
    If our time has gone too fast
Buffy:
[Buffy and Angel kiss as the vortex into hell opens.]
How precious life can be
    Angel:
    [Buffy runs Angel through with her sword.]
    IÆve lived at last

[Angel leaves the rooftop. Buffy leaves her window ledge, wiping away tears.
She starts to get ready for bed.]

Angel & Buffy:
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow weÆd make the whole world right
[Angel walks rapidly through the streets of Sunnydale.]

Buffy:
I thought our love would be so beautiful
WeÆd turn the darkness into light

[He stops in front of a house û BuffyÆs. He takes a deep breath and heads
for the tree under BuffyÆs window.]

Angel & Buffy:
And still my heart is saying we were right

Angel:
We were right
[Angel climbs the tree and looks in BuffyÆs window.]
And if I never knew you

    Buffy:
     If I never knew you
Angel:
IÆdÆve lived my whole life through

Buffy:
[Buffy settles into bed, then hears a knock on her window. She whirls
around, and sees AngelÆs face.]
Empty as the sky

Angel & Buffy:
Never knowing why
[Buffy slowly walks to the window, not believing her eyes.]
Lost forever
If I never knew
Youà

[As the scene fades to black, you see Buffy open her window, and take
Angel's hand.]

~fin~


Any comments? Please send them to [e-mail].

~Kitiara
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
High Priestess of the Church of Samurai Troopers > CoST
Co-leader of COURT >>Ryoga and Ukyo 2-Gether 4-Ever<<
CoR, CASKET, CoN, USURP, SSoAGMA, SPFC, hFREE, CSV
Sailor Tenku's Palace - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Palace/1483/
Oz: "Yeah, I think I could splash some Dingo action."





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ian and Tiff" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love Will Find A Way - 1/1 by Tiffany
Date: 16 Nov 1998 10:20:53 -0800

Title: Love Will Find A Way - 1/1
Author: Tiffany Gregg
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Distribution: My site http://www.thegreggs.com/fanfic.htm  If you'd like it
just let me know where it's going, please.
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler Warning: None
Feedback: Would be most appreciated
Classification: BSR
Summary: Buffy talks with Giles about Spike.  Then she goes to see Spike.

Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, FOX and Mutant Enemy.  I am making no money in writing this
and no copyright infringement is intended.

Authors note: This is the 7th part in my "Masquerade" series.  The previous
parts can be found at my site http://www.thegreggs.com/fanfic.htm Also, this
series takes place after BatB and is a bit of an alternate Buffy-verse.

==========
Love Will Find A Way
By: Tiffany
E-Mail me at: [e-mail]


Buffy knocked on the heavy wood door and waited for an answer.  She looked
around a little anxiously, suddenly aware how odd her being here at this
time of the night might look to the neighbors.  Getting a little impatient,
she knocked again.  Finally, the lock rattled and the door creaked open
revealing a half asleep, bathrobe clad Giles.

The sight of his Slayer standing on his doorstep at 2am shook Giles awake.
"Buffy i-is everything all right?  What's happened?"  He ushered her inside
and shut the door behind her.

"It's a long story, Giles." She said with a sigh.  "Do you have any coffee?"

"No, no coffee, but I can make a pot of tea?"

"Tea would be good." she replied sinking down onto the couch.

=========

Giles came out of his office still reading a book.  "Buffy, I think I've
found..." he began before he noticed she was sound asleep, head pillowed on
a book at the large library table.  After she had told him everything that
had happened with Spike, they'd come to the library to do some research.


They had been researching through the night together.  Searching for
something, anything that would explain Spike's behavior.

He sighed deeply and shook his head.  Pulling his glasses off he massaged
the bridge of his nose and wondered how his Slayer had managed to fall in
love with a vampire again.  She was the strangest girl, but she was his
Slayer and he had found the answer she was looking for.

Giles gently placed a hand on Buffy's shoulder and shook her gently.  She
came instantly awake.  "Giles!  Did you find anything?"

"Y-Yes, I-I think that I have." he said

"Well then, what are you waiting for?  Spill it."  Then she added quickly
"And in English."

"Um, well, I found a reference in one Watcher diaries about a vampire who
didn't always kill his victims.  The Watcher wrote that this certain vampire
was in control of his demon."

"His soul was restored?  Like Angel?" she questioned

"No, well, not exactly.  Mr. Sacamoto hypothesized that somehow this
vampire had maintained or regained a degree of his humanity."

"So, what you're saying is, that it's possible that Spike could be in
control of the demon?"

"Yes, well to a degree.  It would explain his feelings for you and the fact
that he cared for Drusilla all those years after the incident in Prague."

Buffy jumped up from the table and hugged her Watcher.  "Thank you, Giles.
You're the best.  I gotta go find Spike."  Then she was jogging across the
room towards the doors.

"Buffy, I don't suppose I need to remind you..." he called, but she was
already out of the library.  "to be careful" he finished to himself.

=========

It was early afternoon by the time Buffy reached the abandoned warehouse
that was currently serving as Spike's lair.  Buffy climbed in an open
window and carefully looked around.  Since it was daylight, the minions were
no where to be seen.

Buffy finally found Spike's room and quietly slipped inside.  She
immediately saw Spike on the bed and went over to him.  Her heart lodged in
her throat.  He wasn't breathing.  He looked dead.  Buffy smiled a little to
herself for being silly.  He was dead and he didn't need to breathe she
silently reminded herself.

Spikes eyes fluttered half open and he regarded her for a moment.  "Have you
come to kill me, Slayer?" he asked in a quiet voice.

She was shocked by his words.  "No, I don't want to kill you.  I just wanted
to see you.  I talked to Giles..."  she stopped talking when she noticed his
eyes were shut again.

Spikes eyes fluttered open once more.  "Lay with me, Luv?  I want to hold
you."

Buffy quickly scrambled onto the bed and snuggled up next to Spike,
pillowing her head on his shoulder.

Spike pulled the blanket over the two of them.  Then he kissed her forehead
and whispered "I love you" into her hair before drifting back to sleep.

Buffy couldn't help the grin that spread across her face.  She felt so safe
in his arms, so contented.  But, most of all she felt loved.  With a sigh
she drifted off to sleep as well.

Things were going to work out for them she could feel it.  Love had found a
way.

================

The end - Masquerade series, part 7


















-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Black Fire <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Legacy of the Burgunds (3/?)
Date: 16 Nov 1998 13:33:41 -0800 (PST)

  Title: Legacy of the Burgunds
  Author: Black Fire
  Email: [e-mail]
  Feedback: Please?
  Spoilers: This part comes after Homecoming.  I need to see
  what happens with the next few episodes.  For now, this is like a
 subplot to the current storyline.
  Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Buffy characters and I can't
  afford to.  (Though, I wish I could, a least afford to.)  Wolf and
 any other
  characters (I haven't even given them all names yet, how lame) are
 mine.
  Please do not use them without asking.
  Summary: This story is heavilly based in Germanic/Norse mythology,
  particularly, on the Saga of the Volsungs.  Two of the greatest
  legends of the past have returned, bringing who-knows-what with them.


  Legacy of the Burgunds

Chapter 3 -- An Incident... or Two

    Later that night, at the Bronze, Buffy and the rest sat in their
usual corner discussing school, slaying and anything else that came to
mind.
    "Hey!  Wolf's back in town," Willow chimed in.
    "Wolf?" Cordelia ask.  "You mean that gorgeous, would-be football
player guy with the nice eyes?"
    Willow nodded, smiling.
    "Oooo... yum," Cordy said, gaining a jealous look from Xander.
    "Yeah, Buffy and I saw him this afternoon," Willow explained.  "I
think Buffy liked him."
    "Now what made you think that?" Buffy asked.
    "Well, you... did that thing with your mouth again," Willow babbled.
"And you really seemed to like talking to him."
    "Oh," Buffy blushed.  "But that could mean anything.  He's a nice
guy.  He's funny.  He's normal.  What's not to like?"
    "Hey," a voice interrupted.
    Everyone turned to see Wolf walking up to them.  They all waved their
hello's and welcome backs.
    "So..." he said, taking a seat, "what are you all doing here in the
corner?  Not conspiring or anything, I hope."
    "What?  Us?" Xander asked.  "Not at all.  Why?"
    "You had a look about you," Wolf said.  "You know, that kind of look
that should send most of this town screaming in fear.  You know the
look I'm talking about.  I saw it about you all summer."
    "Oh *that* look!" Xander exclaimed.  "That's just us... being us, you
know."
    "Uh huh..." Wolf nodded, smiling as if he knew more than he let on.
    "Hey Buffy!" Faith yelled as she approached in a hurry.
    "What's going on," Buffy asked.
    "Hey,... hello!" Faith stopped short as her eyes caught sight of
Wolf.  "Why didn't you tell me there were munchies like this one
around?"
    "I didn't know he was around until today," Buffy answered.  "What's
up?"
    "Too bad," the other slayer said.  "Nothing right now.  Just keeping
my eye on the dance floor."
    "Oh?" Buffy looked.  There were a couple questionable characters out
there.  She watched as they left with their intended victims.  "Not a
problem," she said grabbing her bag and Faith, who was staring at
Wolf, rather than watching the vampires.
    "Don't go away," Faith ordered Wolf as Buffy dragged her away.

*   *   *   *   *

    The fight didn't last long.  In fact, with Faith along, it was even
shorter than usual.  Buffy got the two girls away, while Faith staked
one.  She then finished off the second herself.
    "Not bad," Faith said, brushing some dust off her shirt.
    "Not bad at all," the slayer replied.
    "I was talking about the hunkster inside," Faith said.
    "Oh..." Buffy was cut off by the sound of howling.
    They turned as a wolf came loping up to the Bronze.  It seemed to
ignore them and head straight for the door, causing a bit of a scene.
The bouncer tried to get the creature to go away, but it just sat down
some distance from the entrance and waited.
    "I said get out of here," the man  at the door shouted as people
hurried inside.
    The wolf ignored him and stayed where it was.
    "Is there a problem?" Buffy asked, approaching the bouncer.
    "Yeah!" the bouncer yelled.  "That flea bag's scarin' away the
patrons."
    This gained a seemingly insulted growl from the wolf, but that was
all.  She barked once, twice, then howled again.  This time, the
bouncer tried swatting the animal with a stick.  It only evaded the
attack and sat back down.
    "Thrudhr!" Wolf yelled as he walked out of the Bronze.  He walked
straight over to the wolf.  "I told you to stay home."
    "Is that your animal?" the bouncer yelled.
    "No," Wolf said, his golden eyes flashing as he turned to face the
man.  They were almost the same size.  "This is not my animal.  She is
my friend."
    Wolf knelt beside the creature, "I told you to stay home with father."
    The wolf's tongue lolled out of her mouth.  She whimpered and licked
WolfÆs cheek.
    ôOkay,ö Wolf laughed, as if he understood her.
    ôSheÆs beautiful,ö Buffy said, staring.
    The wolf stood at over half BuffyÆs size, with pale, blue eyes that
sparkled within her masses of gray hair.  As Buffy spoke up, at last,
the Thrudhr finally turned her attention to her.  There was a low
rumble, not quite a growl, heard as the wolf stared at Buffy and Faith.
    "They're friends," Wolf said, stroking his companion's neck.  "This
is Buffy and..."
    "Faith," the other slayer chimed in.
    This seemed to calm Thrudhr down, though she still kept her distance.
    "Are you through with your introductions?" the Bouncer asked,
mockingly.  "'Cause I want that creature outta here, or I call the
cops."
    "She's leaving," Wolf told the guy.  He looked at the wolf, "Go on
home.  I won't be here much longer."
    Thrudhr didn't seem to like being sent home.  She gave Wolf an odd
look, much like that which a mother would give a child, and loped off.
    "Now," the bouncer said, "I want you out of here too.  You've caused
enough trouble."
    "But he didn't do anything," Buffy defended.
    "I don't care," the guy argued, "he's caused enough trouble, he and
that wolf, I won't have them causing any more.  And if you don't like
it, you can just go home too, missy."
    "Fine," Buffy said, turning to leave.
    Wolf watched her walk off into the night.
    And, up on the roof, a small brown cat, who had seen the entire
event, mewed as she stared, intently down at the entrance to the
Bronze... watching.

*   *   *   *   *
==

The Black Fire          | Vote for me in the Site Fights!!
[e-mail] | http://www.thesitefights.com/sarina/cavern2.htm
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
          "Don't worry.  I'm not here to eat."  -- Angel (IG)
_________________________________________________________
DO YOU YAHOO!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Story To Come
Date: 16 Nov 1998 19:06:56 -0500

I just finshed the series that I started in Her Darkest Hour.

A long time ago since it has been so long I will repost the

entire series in the order it was intended to be read.

Under the series Title The Crystal Arm Band.

This will be the last time this series will be posted.

If anyone wishes to use it on their Web site ask first.

I Will Start posting This Saturday 11/21/1998

NightHunter



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sound of Silence (2/2)
Date: 16 Nov 1998 19:32:27 EST

See Part 1


Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
        -REM
         Losing My Religion

    The dreams weren't really dreams at all, by memories. Of that night, of the
first
time we met in the alley, and he gave me that cross. Our first kiss in my
bedroom, the kiss
on the ice- his fear that I would reject him for who he truly was. That night
on the docks
when he gave me the ring. I kept it with me always, even if I didn't always
wear it. People
say that it gets easier with time, easier to let go. Not for me. It keeps
getting harder and
harder not to wear the ring, and even harder to take it off. I know I should
move on, but I
can't.  I'll never love again.

    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

    Willow couldn't tell if it had been only moments, or if it had been hours
since she
read the letter. No one had said anything. They just sat their, Xander with
his arms around
Cordelia, pale and defeated. Joyce crying silently on the couch, hugging a
pillow tightly to
her breast. Giles sagged over in weary defeat, all the hope of the summer
gone, with only
an empty nothingness to keep him going. Willow desperately wished that Oz was
still
there, but he had left with the band to help with the equipment. She wanted
him to wrap
his arms around her and tell her it would be all right. But it wouldn't be,
and they all knew
it.
    Then the light finally went on.  "I know where she is!" Willow blurted out.
They
looked at her, flickers of hope dancing in their eyes. Willow forged ahead,
"She said she
would always be here with us. She's at Angel's apartment, planning to watch
over us from
afar."
    Xander looked doubtful, "Why would she go there? First of all its a good-bye
note, which pretty much means she's going out of town. And if she wasn't going
out of
town, I doubt she'd go to his apartment. I mean, she always said she could
never go back
to that place, that it held too many painful memories."
    Willow should her head in certainty, "She said we were only things in this
world,
she sacrificed Angel so that we could live. Whatever drove her back her also
drove her
back to her duty. She won't let harm come to us, because then it would be like
she
sacrificed Angel for nothing. She'd never let that happen."
    Xander frowned, "OK, say she didn't leave town, why his apartment. Why flee
back to bad memories?"
    "Because," Willow explained patiently, "Its also the only place left where
she has
good memories. It'll make her feel like she still has a part of him that
hasn't lost yet, but it
will also never let her forget what she did to him. Its half punishment and
half comfort."
    Joyce put in firmly, "Then we go to Angel's."
    But Giles hesitated, "I'm not sure that would be entirely wise. In fact it
could cause
her to flee again."
    Joyce turned on him, eyes flashing. "That is my little girl. She belongs home
in her
bed, safe and sound. After three months of hell I have got her back, and I'll
be damned if
I'm going to lose her again" She snapped.
    Giles looked at her sadly, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were that simple.
If Buffy
were really just your little girl. But Joyce, your to have to face the fact
that she isn't just
your little girl anymore."
    She glared at him. "Of course," she said bitingly, "She's the Slayer. How
could I
forget?"
    "That's not what I'm talking about. Partially yes. She is the Slayer, and the
fate of
the entire world is resting on her little shoulders. But I was referring more
to the fact that
while Buffy was gone she grew up. She sent her true love to an eternity of
suffering, pain
and torture of such extremes you couldn't possibly imagine. She is the Slayer,
but she is
more than that. She is a girl with the emotional maturity and burden of an old
woman.
Destiny has decreed that she fight for world she does not love, leaving her no
other choice
or alternative but death. Because you missed her is no reason to upset the
already fragile
emotional balance she has spent the last two years of her life creating. If we
are to save
her, to get her back we are going to need all our powers of persuasion and
more."

        *        *        *        *

    Willow hushed the group as Giles picked silently away at the Angel's lock.
This
was their only chance. If Buffy was here and they scared her off she would
flee Sunnydale
permanently, and no amount of pleading would bring her back. If Buffy wasn't
there then
all hope was lost. A Slayer trained in the art of hiding in the shadows who
didn't want to
be found never would be.
    *Click* The door swung open soundlessly, inviting them in. Giles motioned
them
in, Willow in the lead while he brought up the rear. A faint murmur of relief
arose from the
group. There on the bed was their Slayer. Tear stains streaked her cheeks and
her golden
hair lay tousled on the pillow.
    "My poor baby." Joyce breathed.
    "I'm hardly a baby now am I?" Buffy said from the bed. Willow jumped, she had
thought that Buffy was sound asleep.
    They stood their dumbly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to say,
all
internally prepared speeches had flown straight out of their brains. Knowing
this was their
last chance no one was willing to say the wrong thing, each waiting for
someone else to
start.
    "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Buffy teased humorously from the
bed.
"Why are you here, anyway? Come to rub salt in the wound? Well say 'I told
you' and
leave.
    Xander spread his hands in defeat. "We never meant to hurt you Buffy. If we
had
known..."
    Buffy jumped up angrily from the bed. "If you had known what Xander? You did
know. You knew and you didn't tell me."
    He paled. "If you had known you wouldn't have fought your all, and you would
have died. This had nothing to do with Angel and everything to do with you."
    "I know. Xander I know that you are too good a friend to let personal
feelings
affect you so terribly. And I know that you did the right thing." Her voice
had softened
but now regained its former steel. "Angel is not dead. Instead he will suffer
eternally for
my mistake. If you had known it wouldn't have made a difference."
    Willow stepped forward, "We love you Buffy, we want you to come home with
us."
    Buffy's eyes filled with tears. "I can't," she mumbled, "I can't leave here."
    Joyce shook her head in confusion, "What do you mean you have to stay here?
Come home, there's nothing here for you."
    Buffy shook her head stubbornly, "You were doing just fine without me. You
don't
need me in your life, screwing up you life, always putting you in danger."
    "We put ourselves in danger, Buffy. We do it for you. But its our choice, and
only
our choice." Xander argued gently.
    At this Giles, who until then had remained silent, spoke softly, "But that's
not why
you want to stay, is it Buffy?" His voice was gentle, understanding.
    Eyes filled with tears she shook her head. "No," she said in an almost
inaudible
voice.
    "You can't keep holding onto him. Angel is gone. I understand that it takes
time,
but eventually you will need to move on. Learn from him, honor his memory with
what he
would want. Would Angel want you living in his apartment in order to torture
yourself
with guilt?"
    Again the almost imperceptible "No"
    "Would Angel want you to spend your few remaining years in grief?"
    "No"
    "Would he blame you in anyway for what happened?"
    "He should." Her voice grew more defiant.
    "Would he?"
    Defiance gone, "No"
    "Will you come home with us?"
    "But Giles," The tears flew freely now, "I miss him so much. I can't think of
anything else. Its not getting easier with time, its getting harder!" Tears
had evolved into
full-fledged sobs.
    Giles crossed them room in a flash and held his shaking Slayer in his arms.
"It does
get easier with time, Buffy. I promise you it does. But you have to say good-
bye first. The
wound will never heal unless you let it."
    "But I don't want to let him go." She protested into his chest.
    "But you have to Buffy. Just as we all have to let go someday."
    "When I die will you forget me too?"
    Giles went rigid, not a soul in the room moved.
    "Moving on is not forgetting, Buffy," he managed to stumble out. "And I could
never forget you."
    "I love you Giles."
    He stroked her hair gently, "I love you too Buffy."

    *         *         *         *          *

    I walked into the mansion, my heart racing. I had to move on, Giles was
right. I
had a date, a guy at school named Scott asked me out. I had to let Angel rest,
I had to
move on with my life. Giles was also right when he said I only had a few years
left. Who
am I kidding? I'll be lucky if I have that. I am the Slayer, and I cannot
grieve for the
remainder of my life. I could get sloppy, grief does that, and shorten those
precious years
to less. I had come to say good-bye.
    I lay the claddaugh ring on the floor. I can't do this, my heart screams, I
can't
betray him again. But my head tells me that he would understand, that he would
want this.
I put the ring down, and said good-bye.
    Good-bye.

~Fin~



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/3)
Date: 16 Nov 1998 19:29:23 EST

Title: The Sound of Silence (1/3)
Author: Meg R-C
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top. But if its negative, can you add
something constructive to it? Please.
Spoilers: Alternate Ending to Dead Man's Party (The second episode of the
season, I'm not sure thats the actual name)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Whedon and the WB own Buffy and gang, and REM
owns Losing My Religion. No copyright infringment intended.
Summary: Alternate ending to DMP. What if Buffy made it out of the house if
Willow hadn't caught her packing?


    I got outta that house as fast as my legs could carry me. I must have been
running for at
least an hour, duffel bag slapping against my legs, threatening to sweep my
feet out from
under me. I didn't have any specific place in mind, I just let my feet do the
deciding. God
knows how long it was before I finally stopped, tired and out of breath. I was
there, at his
apartment. I hadn't been back since he'd... since that morning. That awful
morning when
Angel died, and Angelus held my heart in the palm of his hand and broke it
into a million
pieces. Pieces that still lay crumbled on that floor.
    But staring at the door, I knew that was where I wanted to be. That was where
I
had to be. My feet hadn't brought me there accidentally, they knew that
whenever I got
too upset to think straight, that was the first place to go. It had become an
unconcious act,
when I was upset I ran to Angel. To Angel and his waiting arms, ready to
comfort me
whenever the world became too much to handle.  But he wouldn't be there today.
He
would never be there again. I'm so sorry, Angel, I miss you so much.
    I dropped immediately onto the bed, too exhausted emotionally and physically
to
do anything but dream and remember. Remember that night when he held me,
swearing his
undying love for me and saving me from the world and my duty, even if it was
for just one
night. One night out of hundreds that I wouldn't change or trade away for
anything else. I
remember the feeling of his arms around me, remember the feeling of being
absolutely
safe. Dreaming of unfulfilled wishes and voiceless wishes I fell into a deep
slumber.

    *            *            *            *

    Willow walked slowly up to Buffy's room, dreading the confrontation sure to
come, but too weary to avoid the unevidable any longer. She hadn't seen Buffy
in over an
hour, and now that most of the party guests were gone, she had finally come to
fetch
Buffy for the Talk.
    The Talk, the one that they all wanted avoid. But Willow knew that if they
all kept
silent, eventually it would become burried, like everything else they had left
unsaid. Buffy
needed to understand what her leaving had done to them, and they needed to
know why
Buffy had felt that fleeing was her best bet. Once before they had all left it
hanging, when
Angel turned and Jenny died the wounds were covered but never healed, and
quiet
hostilities had raged between them. Willow was determined to see that not
happen again.
    But when she entered Buffy's room a pit settled at the bottom of her stomach
as
she looked at the clothing strewn out on the bed, so many outfits missing, and
the white
envelope sitting on the bed. The dejavu was overwhelming, and Willow shivered
in the
sweaty party heat.
    She scooped up the letter and fled down the stairs, knowing full well what
she
would find written inside.

    *            *            *            *

    "Giles!" Willow's voice echoed throughout the now almost deserted house, the
Slayerettes, Giles, and Joyce being the only people left for cleanup.
    "Giles!"
    He appeared in front of her, "What Willow?" Annoyed that she had been yelling
so
loudly.
    "Buffy's..." Willow couldn't say it. If she said it, then was true. Denial
was truly a
beautiful thing. It gotten them through the last three months, no reason it
shouldn't help
her now.
    "What?! Is something wrong? Where is she?" His was panicked, terrified.
    "I don't know." Willow mumbled.
    By then the rest of the gang had gathered. "Don't what Willow?" Xander voice
was shaky. They couldn't lose her again. They couldn't handle it.
    "I don't know where she is. She's gone. She left a note."
    Stunned silence followed as Willow ripped open the envelope and began to
read.

Dear Everyone~
    I'm sorry I came home, I'm sorry I hurt you so much that you can't even look
me in
the eye. Can't even stand to be around me without and entire party of people
as a backup
distraction. I know I shouldn't have come back, you were better off without
me. I thank
you for being kind enough to pretend that you wanted me back, and I'm sorry to
have put
you through that. I was selfish though, I needed something that I couldn't
have. I love you
all very much, and I will always be here, protecting and serving my duty.
    I know you want to know what happened that night. Angelus pulled the sword,
and opened a vortex that only his blood could close. But Willow, you brilliant
sweet
friend, you brought Angel back to me. It was more than I ever deserved, that
moment
with him. But duty calls, duty calls. You all would have been so proud. I sent
Angel to
Hell. He closed his eyes, so trusting, with no memories of Angelus's deeds. I
kissed him,
told him I loved him, he told me he loved me, and then I ran him through,
sealing the
vortex. I betrayed my only love for a world that has yet to prove its worth.
    There is no greater gift that I can give to you. Angel and I will suffer in
our eternal
Hell's so that you may enjoy your lives. I sacrificed him for you, to me there
is nothing else
in this world. My only regret is that when Angel, with my betrayal deep in his
eyes,
reached for me, I did not take his hand. At least then in that Hell we would
be together.
                        Love Always,
                            The Slayer

    Silence. Loud oppressive silence. No one stirred, each lost in their own
private
thoughts on the cruel trick fate had played on their beloved friend.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/2)
Date: 16 Nov 1998 19:36:49 EST


OK, I'm really sorry to send this twice. But the last time I sent it I forgot
to run spell check. I thought I had, but I hadn't. So sorry, but this is the
real one.
~Meg



Title: The Sound of Silence (1/2)
 Author: Meg R-C
 E-Mail: [e-mail]
 Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top. But if its negative, can you
add something constructive to it? Please.
 Spoilers: Alternate Ending to Dead Man's Party (The second episode of the
season, I'm not sure that's the actual name)
 Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Whedon and the WB own Buffy and gang, and REM
owns Losing My Religion. No copyright infringement intended.
 Summary: Alternate ending to DMP. What if Buffy made it out of the house if
Willow hadn't caught her packing?


     I got outta that house as fast as my legs could carry me. I must have been
running for at
 least an hour, duffel bag slapping against my legs, threatening to sweep my
feet out from
 under me. I didn't have any specific place in mind, I just let my feet do the
deciding. God
 knows how long it was before I finally stopped, tired and out of breath. I
was there, at his
 apartment. I hadn't been back since he'd... since that morning. That awful
morning when
 Angel died, and Angelus held my heart in the palm of his hand and broke it
into a million
 pieces. Pieces that still lay crumbled on that floor.
     But staring at the door, I knew that was where I wanted to be. That was
where I
 had to be. My feet hadn't brought me there accidentally, they knew that
whenever I got
 too upset to think straight, that was the first place to go. It had become an
unconscious act,
 when I was upset I ran to Angel. To Angel and his waiting arms, ready to
comfort me
 whenever the world became too much to handle.  But he wouldn't be there
today. He
 would never be there again. I'm so sorry, Angel, I miss you so much.
     I dropped immediately onto the bed, too exhausted emotionally and physically
to
 do anything but dream and remember. Remember that night when he held me,
swearing his
 undying love for me and saving me from the world and my duty, even if it was
for just one
 night. One night out of hundreds that I wouldn't change or trade away for
anything else. I
 remember the feeling of his arms around me, remember the feeling of being
absolutely
 safe. Dreaming of unfulfilled wishes and voiceless wishes I fell into a deep
slumber.

     *            *            *            *

     Willow walked slowly up to Buffy's room, dreading the confrontation sure to
 come, but too weary to avoid the inevitable any longer. She hadn't seen Buffy
in over an
 hour, and now that most of the party guests were gone, she had finally come
to fetch
 Buffy for the Talk.
     The Talk, the one that they all wanted avoid. But Willow knew that if they
all kept
 silent, eventually it would become buried, like everything else they had left
unsaid. Buffy
 needed to understand what her leaving had done to them, and they needed to
know why
 Buffy had felt that fleeing was her best bet. Once before they had all left
it hanging, when
 Angel turned and Jenny died the wounds were covered but never healed, and
quiet
 hostilities had raged between them. Willow was determined to see that not
happen again.
     But when she entered Buffy's room a pit settled at the bottom of her stomach
as
 she looked at the clothing strewn out on the bed, so many outfits missing,
and the white
 envelope sitting on the bed. The dejavu was overwhelming, and Willow shivered
in the
 sweaty party heat.
     She scooped up the letter and fled down the stairs, knowing full well what
she
 would find written inside.

     *            *            *            *

     "Giles!" Willow's voice echoed throughout the now almost deserted house, the
 Slayerettes, Giles, and Joyce being the only people left for cleanup.
     "Giles!"
     He appeared in front of her, "What Willow?" Annoyed that she had been
yelling so
 loudly.
     "Buffy's..." Willow couldn't say it. If she said it, then was true. Denial
was truly a
 beautiful thing. It gotten them through the last three months, no reason it
shouldn't help
 her now.
     "What?! Is something wrong? Where is she?" His was panicked, terrified.
     "I don't know." Willow mumbled.
     By then the rest of the gang had gathered. "Don't what Willow?" Xander voice
 was shaky. They couldn't lose her again. They couldn't handle it.
     "I don't know where she is. She's gone. She left a note."
     Stunned silence followed as Willow ripped open the envelope and began to
read.

 Dear Everyone~
     I'm sorry I came home, I'm sorry I hurt you so much that you can't even look
me in
 the eye. Can't even stand to be around me without and entire party of people
as a backup
 distraction. I know I shouldn't have come back, you were better off without
me. I thank
 you for being kind enough to pretend that you wanted me back, and I'm sorry
to have put
 you through that. I was selfish though, I needed something that I couldn't
have. I love you
 all very much, and I will always be here, protecting and serving my duty.
     I know you want to know what happened that night. Angelus pulled the sword,
 and opened a vortex that only his blood could close. But Willow, you
brilliant sweet
 friend, you brought Angel back to me. It was more than I ever deserved, that
moment
 with him. But duty calls, duty calls. You all would have been so proud. I
sent Angel to
 Hell. He closed his eyes, so trusting, with no memories of Angelus's deeds. I
kissed him,
 told him I loved him, he told me he loved me, and then I ran him through,
sealing the
 vortex. I betrayed my only love for a world that has yet to prove its worth.
     There is no greater gift that I can give to you. Angel and I will suffer in
our eternal
 Hell's so that you may enjoy your lives. I sacrificed him for you, to me
there is nothing else
 in this world. My only regret is that when Angel, with my betrayal deep in
his eyes,
 reached for me, I did not take his hand. At least then in that Hell we would
be together.
                         Love Always,
                             The Slayer

     Silence. Loud oppressive silence. No one stirred, each lost in their own
private
 thoughts on the cruel trick fate had played on their beloved friend.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Losing You (17/20)
Date: 16 Nov 1998 23:03:35 EST

TITLE: Losing You
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: My site, those I gave permission to. Otherwise, please ask. I'll
say yes, I just like to know where it's going.
SUMMARY: Willow/Xander story with vampiric twist.
SPOILERS: Sort of through F,H&T, just on the basis that Faith exists
RATING: PG-13.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy & Co. are Joss & Co's. No copyright infringement intended.

Losing You (17/20)
earlier parts can be found at http://members.aol.com/danilynn27/fanfic.htm



"How did you get in here?" Xander demanded, stepping slightly in front of
Willow.

Spike held up a small "Welcome" sign. "Landlord of this apartment complex
extended us a lovely invitation. We just had to take her up on it, to be
polite, you know."

"Get out," Xander said.

"Get out? Is that any way to speak to your fellow vampires? You *are* one of
us now, you are aware?" Spike replied with a sarcastic edge.

"Spike?" a voice came from outside.

"Come in, luv, it's safe," Spike said. Drusilla stepped into the room. "Oh,
and Xander. Brought you your sire."

Dru stepped towards Xander and Willow. "You've been a very bad playmate. You
left to prepare for the party and you never came back. Naughty, naughty." She
turned towards Willow. "And you. You're the girl who stole my playmate."

Before Willow knew what had happened Drusilla had slapped Willow hard across
the face. The force of the impact knocked her away from Xander and sent her
reeling backwards.

Xander moved to catch her before she fell but Spike stepped in between,
grabbing Willow and brandishing a stake dangerously close to the girl's heart.
"One wrong move, mate, and I dust your girlfriend."

Xander froze. Willow stared at him helplessly, trapped by Spike's grip. Her
cheek was already bruising from Drusilla's slap. "Why are you here, Spike?"
Xander asked, trying to buy Willow time.

"Same reason I always come. You see, my ultimate goal is to destroy the
slayer. To destroy the slayer, it's usually not a bad idea to destroy her
friends. I thought I had you done for, but your friends did that bloody curse.
There went my plan of forcing the slayer to kill her own friends. Although,
why I thought she'd do it, I have no idea, she never could kill Angelus,"
Spike explained. "It's was just an idea I fancied."

Xander kept a careful eye on Drusilla while Spike talked. He'd learned the
hard way not to forget about her. The mad vampiress stood off to the side,
eagerly watching Spike, waiting, watching for events to unfold.

"Well, that idea didn't pan out," Spike continued. "So I just decided I'd have
to do this the hard way."

In a sudden move, Spike flung Willow aside, sending her careening into the
wall. Xander heard the crack as Willow's skull hit the wood and she slumped to
the floor, unconscious.

"I'll just have to kill you myself," Spike finished.

"Ooh. Fighting," Drusilla cooed. She moved towards Willow, prepared to ward
off any attempt Xander made at reaching her.

"It's just you and me, pal," Spike said.

Xander swallowed. Spike was older, faster, and plus he had the distinct
advantage of having a stake on him. Xander knew he didn't stand much of a
chance unless some sort of slayer-type help miraculously arrived. But at this
point, he didn't really care.

Xander lunged for Spike, catching the vampire master unaware and dragging him
down to the floor. He managed to get one or two direct punches off until Spike
easily threw him off and stood up. Xander scrambled to his feet. Spike swung,
his fist connecting with Xander's jaw. In anger, Xander felt his face morph
into its vampiric visage. Spike's face mirrored his own.

The two vampires traded punches, kicks, throws. But as valiantly as Xander
fought, it was clear Spike had the advantage. Spike drew back for a final
solid punch, and delivered, sending Xander sprawling across the floor and
slamming into the wall. Spike quickly moved, grabbing Xander's neck and
trapping the boy.

"Well, that certainly got my appetite worked up," Spike commented. "Fun while
it lasted. You tried. It was good of you. But in the end . . it all ends the
same way."

Frantic, Xander looked across the room at Willow. She was coming out of it,
staggering to her feet. Their eyes met and locked. "No," Willow managed to
say, starting to run towards Xander, to stop Spike. But Drusilla grabbed her,
held her back.

"No, no," Drusilla scolded. "You don't get to play. You only get to watch."
Willow fought against Drusilla, her eyes never leaving Xander's.

Xander fought madly against Spike. But he was losing. "Willow, I love you!" he
managed to scream out.

"No!" Willow screamed.

But it was too late. Spike swung the stake, and his aim was true.

To Willow's horror, Xander crumbled to dust before her eyes.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 17 Nov 1998 14:55:10 -0500 (EST)

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
to Buffy.  Crossovers are great, and expected, but general
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2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
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Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
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3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
and no posting of non-story items such as .gifs, sound files, etc..
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
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 &
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Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  How to (un)s*bscribe
Date: 17 Nov 1998 14:55:17 -0500 (EST)

Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe
from the list or to change s*bscription options.

IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST:

You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest.

Send a message to [e-mail]

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(or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest)







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Decision of a Lifetime
Date: 18 Nov 1998 22:06:59 -0500

Title:  Decision of a Lifetime
Author:  Northlight
email:  [e-mail]
Rating:  PG-13 (?)
Content:  Character death.
Summary:  Buffy has to deal with a decision she's made.
Disclaimer:  Joss owns them all.
Author's Notes:  All that I can say was that I was in a weird mood when
I wrote this.
This was partially inspired by Lori McDonald's 'Split Second Decision'.


    She waited at his door, her arms wrapped around her thin body
protectively.  When he finally appeared, the door swinging open beneath
his hand, she looked up at him with wide, lost eyes that tore at his
heart.

    "Buffy, what are you doing here?" Angel asked, drawing her into his
apartment with a gentle pull.

    She didn't answer immediately.  Rather, she threw herself into his
arms, wrapping herself around him with a soft sigh.  "Make me _forget_
Angel.  Please..."

    "Buffy..."

    His protest died when her lips latched onto his with a desperate
hunger.  "Make me forget, Angel."




    "I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  There was nothing I could do.  It was
too late.  Oh God, there was nothing--"

    Willow latched onto the trembling Slayer's arm, her eyes wide and
worried.  "What happened?  Please, you're scaring me, Buffy!"

    They were waiting for her, their faces already drawn and worried.  But
they didn't _know_.  They didn't know!  "I'm so sorry!  I couldn't save
him.... I couldn't save Giles!"  She was sobbing, the harsh cries
escaping from her with no effort to hold them back.

    "Giles?" Willow gasped, her hand tightening around Buffy's arm as she
struggled to stop swaying.  "He's..."  Her head shook in denial, and
tears formed in her wide green eyes.

    "I couldn't help him!" Buffy barely choked out.

    'Liar!' her mind hissed.

    "I couldn't!"




    Her hands clutched at him desperately, holding him to her with all of
her strength.  Small hands trained to rid the world of evil trailed over
his bare back.  The almost feverish warmth of her trembling body warmed
the cold expanse of his flesh.

    "Angel," she whimpered into his shoulder, her hands restlessly roaming
his back without leaving contact with him for the slightest moment.
"Please..."

    He understood her plea, his body moving against her and letting her
mind fly free from it's self made cage of guilt and shame for an all too
brief moment.

    As her body stilled, and her mind came crashing back into it's prison,
and once again, she was drowning within herself.




    His eyes were angry, full of rage and accusal.  "You lied to us,
Buffy!  You told us that you couldn't help him!"

    "I couldn't!" Buffy nearly shrieked, glaring at Xander as if she could
keep his words at bay by the pure force of her desire to deny them.  "I
tried!  I tried!  I did!"

    He looked at her with disgust backing away from her in a physical
display of the emotion she could so clearly hear in his voice.  "You
chose Angel over Giles' life.  You let a monster live rather than the
man who devoted his life to you!"

    "It's not true!  I couldn't help Giles!  That thing had clawed his
chest, and there was so much blood all over it and him and everything
and it was too late.  It was too late..."

    'And you'd already lost Angel, hadn't you?  Couldn't stand to go
without him again, could you?  Couldn't go through the guilt or the pain
of letting Angel go.  You didn't need Giles as long as you had Angel,
wasn't that it?'

    "Too bad Giles wasn't fucking the Slayer, or he might still be
around!"  Xander sneered, the words more accusatory than they had ever
been.

    "That's not it..." Buffy cried out desperately.  She searched out
Willow's eyes, looking for understanding, for forgiveness, for something
more than the hate in Xander's.

    The tears in Willow's eyes hid everything else, and Buffy thought that
she'd never see beyond those tears again.

    "Who next, Buffy?  Me? Willow?  Who?!"

    "It wasn't like that!"

    'I just let him die.'



    His arms were wrapped around her, holding her body close to his own.
She didn't speak, nor move deeper into his embrace.  All that he could
hear was the shallow rasp of her breath.



    "Chose one, Slayer.  Lover or Watcher?"

    Her eyes flashed over her bruised and rumpled Watcher, to settle on
Angel.  He was slumped on the floor, the blow delivered to his head
leaving him hovering on the brink of unconsciousness.

    She loved him.  She needed him.

    Her eyes drifted back to Giles.  The thing's claws were at his neck,
but his eyes were calm behind his shattered glasses.  Something beyond
description passed through his eyes as she met them.  He would not stop
her.  He knew that she needed Angel.

    "Go," he mouthed, his face expressionless, his eyes unreadable.  He
knew.  He always had known.

    As her arms wrapped around Angel, hauling him to his feet, the creature
struck, and Giles' blood ran freely.  His body slumped to the ground
covered in his own blood, and he stared after Buffy's retreating back
with wide, glassy eyes.



    Buffy pulled away from Angel, his arms dropping to his side uselessly.
At his side, yet further away than she had ever been, Buffy curled into
a ball as the tears began to flow once more.

~End~



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 6: The Invasion Part 3
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:43:27 -0500

The Invasion (3/?)

Disclaimer In Part 1

Buffy and Xander arrived at the library to see Willow crawling under a
large piece of machinery.

Buffy walks over to it and gives it a kick.  Which causes it to tremble.
Willow crawls out from under the machine as quick as she can.

"Slayer, the device is ready to test." Said Willow

"Then show me this other world." Commanded Buffy

Willow moves over to the machine and starts to type commands into the
keyboard.  In just a mater of seconds the machine starts to rumble.  The
lights all over town begin to flash as the machine draws more and more
power.  Then a bright beam of light surges from the machince hitting the
wall, then, it starts to widen.  Then in a flash the gateway is opened.

"There you have it using science and magic the first interdiminisonal
portal." Stated Willow

Buffy turns grabs one of her vampire menions and throws him in the portal.
In a flash he's gone, a second later he can be seen on the machines viewing
globe.  It shows him standing outside of Buffy's house.

"You've done good Willow." said Buffy puting her arm around Willow
"But, if anything goes wrong, then, well I'll think of something."

Buffy turned to Spike "Get everone ready.  We have a new world to
conquer"

A few hours later the largest army of demons, vampires, werewolves, and
other creatures of evil stand at the ready. They are about to march through
the portal at the command of the Slayer.  They would feed good on this
new world.

"Slayer!" called Willow "We have a small problem!"

Buffy reached over grabed Willow around the neck lifting her off the
ground. "Problem! what kind of problem!"

"UH! <Cough> Please! <Cough> Slayer!" Cried Willow causing Buffy to
remember that she was the only one who knew how the machine worked.
So, she released her hold causing Willow to fall to the ground.

"It's just that only five people can pass through the portal.  I have to
create another one on the other side.  Then, we can open the portal all
way.  Then, that will allow the army to pass through." Said Willow

"Very well!  You will accompany me to build your machine along with
Xander, Spike and Luke." Said Buffy

The five enter the portal and find themselves transported to another
Earth.  The vampire that Buffy had sent through eairler awaited her.

Later as Buffy entered the school.  With Xander, and her minions she was
approached by principal Synder.

"So, there you are you little trouble-maker." Said Synder grabing Buffy's
arm. "Your coming with me.  We'll just see wha..."

Before he could finsh his sentence Buffy ramed her hand through his chest.
It came out the other side holding his heart. "NO ONE TOUCHES ME!"
Said Buffy dropping his heart to the ground.

Buffy then walked away leaving the dead body of Synder laying on the
floor.  She continued toward the library to a meeting with her other self.

To Be Continued...The Invasion Part 4

I'll Post The Rest Of The Saga Tomorrow Sunday 22




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 1: Her Darkest Hour Part 1
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:08:38 -0500

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Her Darkest Hour 1 Angel Restored

By NightHunter

DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and its characters belong to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, WB, and Fox.... I'm Just borrowing
them. The story is all from my dranged mind. No copyright infringement
is
intended.

Note: There are 4 Stores to be read in this order
Her Darkest Hour 1-3, The Invasion 1-5, Her Darkest Hour Epilog, The
News, & Final Battle I'll try to post at least 1 part every day. until
its done.

FEEDBACK: [e-mail]
Archive anywhere just let me know


Part 1 Angel Restored (The Deal)


Spike & Dru had just returned to the Hellmouth when they noticed that
something was different.

"Spike it's gone all the power is gone just like me dollies."

"What are you talking about lov-"

Spike's chair was grabbed from behind before he could finish his
question.  And a familiar face leaned down and whispered in his ear.
"Why Spikie, what she's trying to say is that there is now a new master
in town who has succeeded where all others have failed,  one who has
taken the power of the Hellmouth for themselves."

When Spike turned around he was aghast in surprise at what he sees.
"You!"

"Yes me, now what's the expression O yes, lets make a deal."

"Why should I make a deal with you when you'll probably betray us to the
Slayer?"

Just as Spike finishes his last words, the dark figure lifted its hand
and from it came a dark light which engulfs Spike lifting him from his
chair and throwing him half-way across the dark chamber.  "IF YOU EVER
MENTION HER AGAIN, I WILL SHOW YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE FATES THEN
DEATH!"

"Ok, you proved your point so what's your deal, and what's in it for
me?"

"Well, lets see you help me by capturing angel."

"Capture Angel! Why what are you going to do with him.?"

"Well, since you ask so nicely I'll tell you. I'm going to rip his dark
soul and powers from him so I need someone to receive them, and I
thought
of you Spike.  And if your very evil, I may just restore Dru to her full
power."

"When do you need him, Master?"

"Tomorrow night, when the moon is in the house of Koral, O and Spike, if
I find out that you have betrayed me.  I will make sure that the pain
you
endure will make you beg for the Slayer to kill you."

Part 2 Angel Restored (The Spell)

Angel entered the chamber to see Spike kissing Dru.

"Oh Spike, how about sharing?"

"Angulus, just the person I want to see, how would you like to be an
actor."

"What are you talking about Spike?"

"Well, Just that I have a plan to destroy the Slayer once and for all,
and make her suffer."

"Oh, I'm very interested, and I've always wanted to play to a captive
house, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, first; you get in this cage, then the Slayer happens to hear that
somehow you've regained your humanity; then, when she comes to save you,
well even you can figure out the rest."

As Angulus entered the cage the door was slammed shut and locked,
Angulus grabbed the bars, and his hands started to burn, his screams
fill
the night.

Then a figure moved from the shadows and stood before him.

"Well, look what the bat flew in." The dark figure motions for Spike to
stand next to the cage."

With Spike standing next to the cage that is holding Angulus the figure
waved its hands and the dark power of the Hellmouth poured forth
surrounding
both Angulus and Spike.  When it cleared Spike stood taller and his face
reflected the evil of two demons.

"Oh Angulus! I should think you.  I feel like a god; Now what do we do
with the trash Master?

"Feel free to have fun but don't kill him yet!"

Using a pair of gloves Spike opened the cage and grabbed angel.  Hurling
him across the room when he hit the wall the sound of bones breaking can
be heard.  Spike moved with a speed that has never been seen in any
other
vampire.  He grabbed Angel again and Prepared to throw him once more
across
the room when Dru Grabbed his shoulder.

"I want to play with daddy."

She then grabbed Angel using her new found strength and breaks both his
legs.  "Oh no, dollies broke!"

"Enough! Now the fun begins bring him and follow me."

With that the two vampires grabbed the battered and bruised Angel and
follow the dark one.  Soon they are outside of Buffy's house the figure
then grabbed Angel from Spike using one hand, holds him to the door, and
using the other drives a wooden stake through his shoulder.  The pain is
so intense that Angel passes out.

"Oh!" Says Spike I would really like to see her face when she comes home
to this."

"Don't worry Spike, I'll tell you everything."

Part 3 Angel Restored (Discovery)

Buffy came home to find Angel impaled to her door. She grabbed the stake
and starts to pull it from him when she notices that the sun is coming
up
and the places where it's touching Angel are not burning she runs into
the
house and dials 911.  Within a matter of moments an ambulance arrives,
they
carefully remove the stake and dress the wound, then put him on a
stretcher
and start to the ambulance, one of them asked Buffy if she knows the
man.

"Yes!" she replies "He's my boyfriend."

"Ok! were taking him to the hospital, do you want to ride in with us?"

"Yes!"

Later at the Hospital Buffy called Giles and told him what had
happened.  He tells her that he'll stop and get Willow & Xander and
they'll
be there as soon as they can.

As the doctor comes out of the O/R Buffy cornered him to ask how Angel
was.

"Miss Summers, he has had both arms & legs broke, multiple cuts &
abrasions and we've had to give him a lot of blood to replace what he
lost from the shoulder wound, but he's going to be fine.  He just needs
a lot of rest.  You can go see him now, but, no more then 15 minutes.
You can come back tomorrow."

As Buffy started toward the room Giles, Willow & Xander met her and
together they all enter the room.

"Giles! he's human" says Buffy "I saw the sun hit him and nothing
happened."

Angel starts to wake up.  The first sight he sees is Buffy, and he says.
"I've died and gone to heaven because I'm looking into the face of an
angel."

Buffy grabbed him and started to cry."

"Oh god! Angel I love your so much it hurts,  It's good to have you
back."

"Yes" says Giles "very good, but how did this happen?"

"I don't know!  The last thing I remember was Spike putting me in a
cage, and a figure coming out of the shadows and waving his hands at
both me and Spike, then, pain as if,  Oh god!  He ripped the demon from
me and added it to Spikes"

"I've heard of this happening" Said Giles "But it's said that only a
Demon Wizard can do it.  An if there's one here, than this is just
the start but, I wonder what would make him change you back into a
human?"

"Looks like it would keep Buffy busy trying to take care of vamp boy
here while he raises an army." said Xander

That night in the chamber of the Master, laugher can be heard as the
evil figure tells Spike what happened at the hospital.

"Then she says oh Angel I love you so much.  It was all I could do not
to rip her heart out then and there.  But soon the Slayer will see what
the price is for her love as I destroy her friends and family, one by
one,
till she is the only one left.  Then I will make her watch as her
precious
Angel is ripped to pieces.  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"


To Be Continued....Her Darkest Hour 2 Darkness Falls





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 5: The Invasion Part 2
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:39:54 -0500

The Invasion (2/?)

Disclaimer In Part 1



Giles enters the library to find Buffy, Xander & Willow sitting at one
end of the table they were waiting for him <God I wish just once these
Children could have a normal life> thought Giles as he moved toward the
table.

"Hey G-man, what's the evil creature of the week?" Asked Xander turning
toward Giles his gaze lingering a few seconds on Buffy.

"Well, it looks like it maybe a quite week.  No vampire activate for a
couple of days, so, why don't you three go have some fun," Said Giles

At that Buffy's face hit the floor

"WOO HOO!" Yelled Xander jumping up from the table and grabbing the
two girls he pulled them toward the door and out of the library.

"Xander, slow down" Said Willow "What's the rush?"

"Will, G-man just let us have the night off.  I'm afraid that if we
don't run now he may change his mind." Said Xander

"Oh! running is good in fact running fast is better." Replied Willow
as the group ran across the school parking lot.

Xander arrived at Buffy's house.  He started to knock on the door but
before he could knock.  The door was opened, Xander's mouth hit the
ground as Buffy invited him in.  She was wearing a low cut strapless,
tight fitting black dress.  It really made you look.  Not that he needed
a reason.  Because he loved her.

"Down boy!" Said Buffy as she reached over to pull Xander in an embrace.

Xander reached up to slowly rub his hand over her cheek.  For the last
few weeks after the battle at  the warehouse he and Buffy had been
spending more of their free time with each other.

"Sorry Buff, but you look great!" Replied Xander

"Yah! lets go or we'll be late to meet Willow." Said Buffy slipping her
arm through Xander's as they walked to his car.

As the car pulled out they felled to notice that a strange vortex was
starting to form.

As the vortex became stable the first of the vampire soldiers came out,
singling the begin of the invasion of our reality.

To Be Continued...The Invasion Part 3





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 3a: Her Darkest Hour Part 3a
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:32:42 -0500

Her Darkest Hour 3 The Light Shines

By Nighthunter

DISCLAIMER: In Part 1

Feedback: Let me know if you liked it

Special Thanks To Leslie

Part 1 The Light Shines (Confession Time)

As Buffy picked up the small cat she felt the need to confess her problems,
so, looking at the small cat she said, "There toward the end I couldn't even
tell the good guys from the bad guys."  Then as a tear fell she started to
sing "The Good Guys and the Bad Guys, it's amazing how much their alike.
They both act sincerely but, they are so filled with fear they switch sides
in the wink of an eye. The Good Guys and the Bad Guys, well it ain't like ol'
whyit in Dodge. You knew where you stood then, what was evil and good then,
and the Good Guys always came  out on top. Now who's wearing black hats and
who's wearing white, who's on  the side of justice and right.

The line is so fine between Heaven and Hell, not even a hero can tell. The
Good Guys and the Bad Guys, today neither one wants to fight fair, they
keep changing the rules making everybody fools. Until, finally nobody
cares.  The Good Guys and the Bad Guys don't count neither one as your
friend, when the going gets rough they won't back you up. You are left all
alone in the end.  Now who's wearing black hats and who's wearing white,
who's on the side of justice and right. The line is so fine between Heaven
and Hell not even a hero can tell. The Good Guys from the Bad Guys."

Buffy had just finished to find that the small cat was looking up into her
face and had a small tear rolling down it's face.  The cat slowly placed its
paws on Buffy's face and spoke to her saying "Poor Slayer."

"What! You can talk!" said a surprised Buffy.

"Yes!" answered the cat. "Now, sit down and let me tell you a story Slayer"

Part 2 The Light Shines (Truth Revealed)

"You see Buffy, in the beginning there was only darkness, so dark for  so
very long that light itself was inconceivable. This dark void was ruled by
beings that were old, before time even began," the cat said looking up and
seeing that he had Buffy's attention, he continued.

"But the light came and grew until the darkness screamed. As much in relief
as in pain. In that moment time began, mighty worlds were created.
Orbiting shinning suns on one such world there came life."

"What does this have to do with me?" said Buffy

"Listen and learn the truth," said the cat. "You see the dark ones didn't want
to give up everything. They had ruled for so very long.  So they began a
war on  the kingdom of light. From this war came a band of fighting Mages
like no one had ever seen, for they were feline." As the cat finished tears
were running down his small face.

"Are you alright?" asked Buffy, taking a piece of her torn shirt and wiping
his eyes.

"Yes!" said the cat. "Let me finish. You see these Mages were gifted with
powers like no one had seen. They led a battle against the Dark Ones,
pushing them back. But on the eve of their greatest victory came their most
shattering defeat.  You see they had become complacent in their powers. In
a last ditch effort, the dark ones attacked, but, the Mages were able to close
the gateway. At a high cost, out of one thousand Mages, only a hundred
survived.  The Dark Ones that managed to escaped created the Vampires.
They hoped that they would one day allowed the others to return."

"So, it was decided that mankind should take up the battle to save it's world.
The remaining Mages  gathered together and using their powers created the
Slayer."

"Oh!" Said Buffy "I always wondered.... why is the Chosen One always  a
girl?"

"Because of the female maternal instance to protect," answered the  cat.

"Out of all the Slayers, you are the last hope for the human race Buffy.
You see, the remaining Mages channeled their powers, giving everything
that they had to create the last Slayer. Out of forty-five only one is
left," said the cat, his voice started to break up as he continued.
"You Buffy are that chosen one. And mankind's last best hope for victory."

"The chosen one? But, I failed worse then you did an evil witch is ready to
open the gateway, and I can't do a thing about it!"

Part 3 The Light Shines (The First Ones)

"Come Buffy, it's time you met the first ones. Each one from a different
world, maybe they can convince you that you are a hero," said the cat.
Then as he waved his paw, a bright light engulfed them. When the light
faded Buffy looked around to find that she had been transported elsewhere.
"Wow!" exclaimed Buffy. "Xander would love this!"

>From out of the light came a man that radiated compassion.  All Buffy
could see was a red cape flowing in the air. The figure spoke "My name is
Kal-El and I am the sole survivor of a destroyed world. I was raised by a
human family even though I was alien. They treated me as their own, and I
grew up to fight for Truth & Justice."

What does that mean?" questioned Buffy.

"It means that family is one of the most important things. They will always
love you, and in their eyes, you are a hero!"

The figure faded and another one steped forward.  "My name is Peter," he
said. "And like you I tried not to be a hero. It cost me my uncle. So
remember Buffy with great powers come great responsibility."

The cat appeared once again at Buffy's side. "I still don't  understand."
said Buffy

"I don't know what more I can sho-" started the cat when he was
interrupted by a female figure stepping out of the light with the wings of
an angel moving from behind a flowing red cape.

"Buffy it's time forget the others, come with me." she said holding out her
hand.

Buffy took her hand and then in a flash of light they were gone.





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 2: Her Darkest Hour Part 2
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:26:48 -0500

Her Darkest Hour 2 Darkness Falls

By NightHunter

DISCLAIMER: In Part 1

Part 1 Darkness Falls (Hospital)

Buffy had just entered the Sunnydale Hospital to see Angel.  To her
surprise he was to be released that day after only 3 weeks during whi=
ch=20
she came by every day to talk to him about their future together.

As she approached his room she saw that Giles, Xander & Willow were a=
lready=20
there, and just like the old days Xander & Angel were fighting.  She
entered the room to see Angel looking at Xander with murder in his ey=
es
yelling, "I am not going to leave here in a wheelchair!" Xander in hi=
s usual
care-free way said  "Look for a guy who's over 240 years old, you can=
 be
such a girlie boy.  Besides they won't let you leave if you are not i=
n the
chair. It can be so much fun." =20

"Fun how?" replied Angel.=20

"Trust me." said Xander helping Angel into the wheelchair.

Just as Angel sat down in the chair, Xander let out a rebel yell and =
tiltes=20
the chair backwards. In one smooth motion he then spun the chair arou=
nd and
started pushing it out the door.  He sped down the hall at break neck=
 speeds
as nurses and doctors leapt out of the way.

Buffy stepped out into the hall ready to stop Xander when she caught =
the
look on Angel's face, which had a smile on it a mile wide.  Then she =
heard
him yelling "Hey Xander you are right this is fun, but is this as fas=
t as you
can go?"

Part 2 Darkness Falls (First Strike)

While our group was having fun at the hospital an evil plan was unfol=
ding at
the Hellmouth. The dark figure had used a powerful spell to bring bac=
k life
to one of the most evil Vampire that had ever been.

When the spell was completed, in the center of the chamber stood a 7'=
 tall
engine of muscle and destruction. When he growled, even the new Spike
backed away.

"Soon my friend, you will have your first taste of human blood in ove=
r
2,000  years." The dark figure stated as it approached the new vampir=
e.

Spike who had been looking at this new vampire spoke to the dark figu=
re.
"What's so special about this vampire? And why do you think that he'l=
l be
able to destroy the Slayer?"

The Dark figure approach Spike causing him to move back a step. "He's=
 not
here to destroy the Slayer, only to make her suffer."

Then with a wave of its hand the dark figure freed the vampire from  =
it's
holding place it, looked at the Dark Figure and said, "I will not  fa=
il Master."

The vampire moving at a speed that even a Formula - 4 Car would have
trouble keeping up with left the chamber.

Later that night at Buffy's house, Mrs. Summers answered the door to =
see a
very tall man wearing a Gas Company uniform. He looked at a clip boar=
d in
his hands then back to her, saying "Is this the Summer's house?"=20

"Yes!" answered Mrs. Summers "How can I help you?"

"I'm with the Gas Company. We've been having reports of gas leaks in =
the
neighborhood, so, the boss wanted us to go from house to house checki=
ng
the gas levels. May I come in?"

As she turns around to open the door wider she answers "Of course. Co=
me
in.  We don't want to take a chance with something serious like that!=
"  She
missed the evil grin on the man's face. After entering and closing th=
e door
the screams began.

Part 3 Darkness Falls (Mom)

Later that night Willow and Buffy arrived at Buffy's house. Willow ha=
d
been helping Buffy & Giles look up some old prophecies and had arrang=
ed
to spend the night at Buffy's house.  They had just got to the door w=
hen
Buffy notice that it was ajar.

She slowly pushed it open with her left hand while pulling out her st=
ake
with her right hand. One thing that she had learned in her time fight=
ing
vampires was that, they could be very sneaky in tricking someone into
inviting them in.

As the door opened all the way she was almost over powered by the cop=
per
like stench. She entered the house calling out for her mom.  After re=
ceiving
no answer she slowly entered the kitchen. Her screams caused Willow t=
o
come running in from the front porch were she had been standing. Soon
her screams also joined Buffy's. The  sight that confronted them was=
=20
that of Buffy's mom with two Stakes holding her to the wall one throu=
gh=20
each shoulder. The copper like smell had come from the blood that was=
=20
splattered all over everything.  Buffy thought that her mom was dead=
=20
until she heard her moan.

Several minutes later the Ambulance that Willow had called arrived an=
d
took Buffy's mom to the hospital. Just as the ambulance was pulling o=
ut
Giles's car pulled up. Giles and Xander jumped out running over to Bu=
ffy
who was sitting on the front porch not moving, or even acknowledging =
the
presence of her friends.

After Willow had explained what had happened, Giles told her to go to
Buffy's room and get a some of her things together. He would take her
home with him, and then call the hospital and see what he could find =
out
about Buffy's mom.

Part 4 Darkness Falls (Willow)

Willow was walking home when she heard a loud growl from behind her.
She quickly turned around to see a werewolf approaching her.  She slo=
wly
moved back saying, "OZ, its me Willow, you know the girl your going o=
ut
with!"  But as the creature approached her she look into its eyes and=
 could
see that no trace of humanity remained within him. Her last thoughts =
as the
wolf's fangs sank into her throat was that, she really should have to=
ld
Xander that she loved him, but, now it was to late.

The wolf lifted it's blood stained muzzle up to the moon, howling its
victory. Having completed its mission for the Master and knowing that=
 it
would soon have a mate.

Part 5 Darkness Falls (Xander)

Xander had just left Giles house after making sure that Buffy would b=
e
alright. When he heard a soft voice calling "Xanderrr...Xanderrrr..."=
 He
turned and started to follow the sound of the voice into the tree lin=
e, not
knowing why, only that he  must find out who that lovely voice belong=
ed
to.

He had just entered the tree line when he was grabbed from behind by =
a
giant vampire. Just as the vampire was getting ready to sink it's tee=
th into his
throat, a voice called out from the darkness. "Mad Dog, stop! He's mi=
ne!"

A dark figure steps out of the trees making Mad Dog loosen his hold o=
n
Xander, but not enough to let him escape.  As the figure approached
Xander, the hood that had been covering it's face fell back. And upon
seeing the face of the one controlling the vampire Xander asked, "Amy=
,
why I thought that we were your friends?" =20

"Oh Xander, you may have been Amy's friends, but, she's gone now and=
=20
this body is mine. I mean, did you really think that you could keep m=
e
imprisoned in a school trophy?"

Part 5 Darkness Falls (Giles)

Several days later Buffy has still had no success in trying to find W=
illow and
Xander. Her mom was still in the hospital in a coma. Buffy she had al=
so
just found out that her dad had been killed in a car wreck. He had be=
en
coming to see her mother at  the hospital.

Buffy was opening the door to Giles house using the key that he had g=
iven
her. She had been staying with him ever since the attack on her mothe=
r
since she didn't feel safe in her house any more.  She had just opene=
d the
door to see Giles standing as still as a statue.

As she started to get closer, she notice that the mirror in front of =
him. It
reflected a female head, sitting on the table in front of him, and th=
at it had
snakes for hair. Buffy quickly recalled the story of Medusas, she qui=
ckly
grabbed a blanket and threw it over the head. Then using the blanket =
she
picked it up and quickly (hurled) it all into the fire. The head expl=
oded into
flames.

She turns to see that Giles has been turned into stone. Then she hear=
d the
window break and turned to see two werewolves enter the room. One of
them had red  fur.  Behind them, was Xander, who's face reflected the
demon within him quite well.  >From behind Xander stepped Amy.

"Well, it looks like you are all alone now little Slayer. You'll neve=
r know
who that you can trust again. You never should have challenged me. If=
 I
was you, I'd run!"

Buffy turned and ran out the door into the night with the evil laught=
er of a
witch and vampire behind her.

When Buffy reached Angels house she raised her hand to knock on the
door. It was pulled open to show Spike & Druscilla standing there wit=
h
Angelus.  "Well Buffy, I guess your running out of places to hide. Bu=
t keep
running you might just get lucky." said Angelus laughing.

Buffy turned and ran  from Angel=92s house. Tears were streaming down=
 her
face. She ran until out of breath then collapsed. In a dark alley, th=
e past few
days  began to flash in her mind. She relived everything that had hap=
pened:=20
Her mother being attacked and put in a coma; her dad dead; Xander now=
 a
vampire; Willow being turned into a werewolf;  and Giles getting turn=
ed
into a stone statue. Then Angel going back to being Angelus.

She felt that she had finally hit the bottom of a seemingly bottomles=
s pit as
everything that she had worked for had been taken from her. She was r=
eady
to give it all up.  Let another be chosen she wearily thought. She th=
en felt
something rubbing against her leg and looked down into the furry face=
 of a
small black cat. It had a white belly & paws, one of which had a smal=
l black
spot on it. It made Buffy think of a sock with a hole in it.

She reached down picked up the small cat and begin to pet it. When sh=
e
heard the cat began to purr for the first time that night she felt sa=
fe.

To Be Continued...Her Darkest Hour 3 The Light Shines






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 3b: Her Darkest Hour Part 3b
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:33:15 -0500

Her Darkest Hour 3b

Part 4 The Light Shines (What Makes A Real Hero)

When the flash of light faded Buffy found herself standing next to wh=
at
she
could identify only as an angel.

"My name is Linda, and I'm here to tell you that super powers don't m=
ake
you a hero. Look!" Linda said.

Buffy saw a firefighter running back into a burning building that has
started
to fall. Just as the building collapsed she saw that the firefighter =
had
made=20
it out carrying a small crying  child.

"See Buffy," explained Linda, "A hero puts the safety of others befor=
e
anything else. The firefighter had no super powers and he knew he mig=
ht
have died but, still he went back for a little girl."

"Like, that=92s his job." said Buffy.

"Very well, let's try another approach," replied Linda.

The light once again engulfed  them both. When it cleared Buffy found
herself looking down from a hill. She saw a small boy walking on a
frozen
pond, the ice broke, and he fell in. She then saw people who had been
passing by stop to form a human chain. They pulled the small boy out =
of
the freezing water to safety.

Linda once again appears at her side. "You see Buffy, they didn't kno=
w
the
child. It wasn't their job, but they risked their lives to save a
child=92s.=20
That's all it takes to be a hero."

Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and said "I understand now, I'm
ready
to go back."

Linda waved her hand and Buffy found herself back in the alley. She t=
hen
noticed that on her arm was a crystal band. She then heard a voice in
her
head, "This crystal band will help you stand against the evil one.
Remember
that even in your Darkest Hours, when all seems hopeless and lost tha=
t
the
light will always dispel the darkness in which evil grows."

Part 5 The Light Shines (Angules)

As Buffy started to approach the warehouse where Catherine and others
were, a female vampire jumped from out of the shadows, "Well, if it
isn't
the little Slayer. When I give Catherine your head everyone will know
the
name of Vik-" the vampire started to say just as a stake is driven in=
to
her
heart. "Girlfriend you talk to much." said Buffy.

Buffy entered the warehouse from the roof. Moving from beam to beam=
=20
she watched as Angelus stood next to the evil witch, their hands lock=
ed
together in a lovers embrace.

Buffy jumped from the beam she was standing on doing a back flip. She
landed in front of two vampires who don't even have time to notice sh=
e's
there. She then ramed a stake through each of their hearts.

Buffy turned to Catherine and said "Ok, this is between you and me. L=
et
my friends and Angel go!"

Buffy then turned to hear Angelus  laughing. He looked straight at he=
r
and
said, "You little fool! Did you really think that I loved you. There
never=20
was an Angel. It was just a way to get a Slayer to leave me alone. Bu=
t,
I=20
must admit it was refreshing to find a virgin these days."

Buffy yelled, "No! I don't believe it.   Angel did  love me!"

Angelus turned toward Catherine, once again wearing the face of Angel=
.
"Poor Slayer, I can't believe you are so gullib--" Angelus starts to
say, but,
is stopped by an arrow that has pierced his heart. Surprise shows on =
his
face
as the turns to dust.

The other vampires turn to see Xander standing next to Buffy a crossb=
ow
in
his arms. "No one! makes the girl I love cry!" Xander said as he thre=
w
another crossbow to Buffy "Just like old times Buffster, lets
Rock-N-Roll."

When Buffy turned to catch the crossbow she looked at Xander. His dem=
on
face was showing, but in his eyes, she saw love. "Ok Xand, lock & loa=
d=20
lets kick some undead butt!"

Part 6 The Light Shines (The Witch)

Xander & Buffy started fighting back to back and the vampires began t=
o
fall. After they had run out of arrows they grabbed a chair, breaking
off=20
the legs to use as stakes.

As Catherine raised her hands to cast a spell she was grabbed from
behind.
She spun around to face a very mad Xander. "You hurt Buffy and that
makes me mad!" growled Xander.

As Xander prepared to kill her, Catherine called out to the red werew=
olf
to
attack.  The wolf leaped into the air toward Xander, who was prepared=
 to
fight for his life. When the beast suddenly changed course in mid-air
landing on top of the witch. It began to rip the body apart. Xander h=
ad
to
turn his head. The creature ripping the witch apart had once been his
best
friend. As Willow tore out the throat of the witch there was blood
flowing
everywhere.

With Catherine dead the other vampires fled into the night. Buffy cam=
e
over to stand by Xander and said "I'm Sorry Xand, I wish there was
something that I  could do."

"Just hold me Buffy, Please!" Said Xander, tears of blood running dow=
n
his
face.

Part 7 The Light Shines (Out Of Darkness)

Buffy did just that. They both jumped when they heard a familiar voic=
e.
"Ok after this we really will have to step up your training."  Buffy =
and
Xander both turned to see that Giles had been turned back.

"U--uh G-guys has any one got a blanket?" the voice causes the three =
to
turn around to see a naked Willow. Xander quickly removed his cloak a=
nd
put it around Willow. "Thanks." she said.

"Hey, anything for my best bud," answred Xander.

The four heroes walked out of the dark warehouse into the light of a =
new
day. Buffy heard a cat meow and smiles. She knew that the world would
always be safe as long as there were Feline Mages.

Next The Invasion Part 1

The Song, The Good Guys & The Bad Guys that Buffy sang came from
the movie the Return of Captain Invincible. I don't remember who owns
it.
The characters of Kal-El and Linda are owned by DC Comics, Peter is
owned by Marvel.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 4: The Invasion Part 1
Date: 21 Nov 1998 09:37:09 -0500

The Invasion (1/?)

By NightHunter <[e-mail]>

DISCLAIMER: See Part 1

Rating  PG

NOTE: I Know the characters may look like their not quite their selves but
bear with me it will all work out.

Time Line:  Her Darkest Hour Parts 1-3 / The Invasion / Her Darkest Hour
epilog / The News / Buffy & Godzilla Vs. The Giant Space Vampire / The
Final Battle
*****************************************************

Giles enters the library to find Buffy and Xander in a lip lock.  Like
usual he grabs her shoulder and spins her around, "Enough! It's time to
get to work" he started to say.

Buffy, using her slayer strength, threw Giles across the room.  The sound
of broken bones crunching then, doing a double back flip, lands right in
front of his face. (giving him a good view of just how short her skirt was)
"Listen G-man, I'm the Slayer and your the Watcher, so unless you have
some news about how to help us take over this rat infested town then shut
the hell up and watch" Said Buffy as she reached around behind her and
pulled Xander back into the kiss.

"Remember what I told you Xand.  My place tonight.  Another damn day
of this school, I need a little lover tiger." said Buffy as she walked out
the door her hips swaying from side to side in a very provocative way.

After she had left Xander reached down to help Giles up "Man I wish she
had never seen me.  I mean I like sex just as good as the next person but
my god eight times in one night!  It kinduh makes me wish that she hadn't
killed her mother."

"Well Xander, I may just have found a way to make her very happy. Said
Giles

At that moment Willow Walked in the door wearing outfit that was illegal
in 49 of the 50 states.

Xander ran over to Willow and give her a very passionate kiss.  Which she
started to return after a few seconds.  Willow pushes Xander back "God
Xander what if she seen us." Said Willow

"I know, but it's so hard.....to see you everyday and not be able to hold
you like I use to." Said Xander tears starting to run down his cheeks

Meanwhile in a warehouse across town

Spike enters the room to see Angel holding a bottle of blood.  "Bloody
Slayer she should have just killed me, I mean, I loved her.  And she
cut off my damn legs" Yelled Angel throwing the bottle across the room
at Spike.

"Angel, shut up!" Yelled Spike.  If she ever hears what you said she may
cut off something else that you would really miss.

"I don't care if she bloody--" Angel started to say when a arrow flies
through the air and into his heart causing him the exploded into dust.

Buffy does two back flips from the top of the warehouse landing in front
of Spike "Well Spike, it seems you were right, Angel was talking about me.
Oh well I will need someone to be in charge of the order.  How about you
Spike?"  Buffy asked turning toward him with an evil gleam in her eyes.

"Whatever pleases you Slayer, I am and always will be your humble
servant." Spike replied as he lowered his head.

When he raised it seconds later Buffy was gone. She arrived home just a
few minutes before Xander arrived.

When Xander arrived at Buffy's house he slowly opened the door shut and
locked it.  He started up the stairs, when he reached Buffy's room he
opened the door to see her standing there in a tight leather body suit.
It hugged her in all the right places, she quickly grabbed Xander and
through him on to the bed ripping off his clothes.  She started to kiss
him, she stopped suddenly and slapped him across the face hard. "Damn
you, you've been with her again haven't you.  I may just have to get
rid of the competition."

"No! I'm sorry. I promise I'll never kiss her again, just please don't
hurt her!" Cried Xander

"Well, that depends on just how good you are tonight." Said Buffy.

Two hours later the phone started ringing, after the tenth ring Buffy
reached over and picked up the phone.  "There had better be a Damn good
reason for this call OR!" Said Buffy

"We have a problem, Dru has just found a spell that allowed her to located
an alternate reality.  Your not going to believe this, but it appears that
this Earth has a Slayer to and she Miss Goodie Two Shoes." Said Spike

"Ok, Get her over to the library.  And on the way pick up that Damn Willow
girl.  Tell her it's time to show if she's worth keeping alive.  I'll be
there in about..." Buffy turns looking at Xander "Ten minutes.  Looks like
the Xand man may be good for one more time around the block." Buffy said
grabbing Xander and pulling him under the covers.

To Be Continued...The Invasion Part 2





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crysstal Arm Band 7: The Invasion Part 4
Date: 22 Nov 1998 06:21:42 -0500

The Invasion (4/?)

Special Note: (From here on to avoid confession the Buffy and Group from
the other dimension will have a *after their name) <Example: Xander*,
Buffy*, etc.>

Disclaimer In Part 1


Buffy turned around when she heard the door to the library open.  Her face
registered surprise at what she seen.  It was like looking in a mirror.

"So, this is the other me!" Said Buffy* as she walked over to Buffy.
Grabbing her by the hair and slamming her head into the library table
causing her to fall to the floor unconscious.

"Well! that was no challenge.  Spike she's all yours drain her dry." Said
Buffy*

But just as Spike started to sink his fangs into Buffy's throat.  He exploded
into dust.  Buffy* & Xander* turned to see Xander standing beside Willow
And Giles Holding a crossbow.

Their body Language showed that they were ready to fight.

"Xander, lets go.  Well deal with these rejects later." Said Buffy* kicking
the other Buffy before she and Xander* walked out the door.

Xander ran across the room using his vampire speed.  Then slowly, he lifted
Buffy up and laid her down on one of the tables.  Giles walked over to
check her head as Willow brought out the first aid kit.

"Will she be OK?" Xander asked Giles

"I think so.  The wound is not that deep.  Her Slayer strength should speed
up the healing process." Replied Giles wrapping a bandage around Buffy's
head wound.

"Who was that?  She looked just like Buffy.  Not to mention that her
company was the image of Xander.  Minus the vamp out." Said Willow
who looked over to see that Xander still had on his game face.

When Xander heard what Willow had said his face slowly returned to
normal.  His hand was still holding Buffy's as she started to wake up.

"Hey beautiful." Said Xander looking deep into her eyes.

"What happened?" Exclaimed Buffy trying to jump up. She was
lightheaded and started to fall.

Xander quickly grabed her helping her back to the table.  Feeling her hand
tighten on his. Xander looked into her face to see her smile back at him.
She was glad that he was here for her.

Meanwhile in another part of town. Willow* pulls the leaver that actives
her machine.  She sends out a quantum field that intercepts the one from
her other machine.  This causes the two to exploded with a quantum plasma
flash.  The two doorways stabilizes and the army of the Slayer begins to
march from their world.  Hundreds and hundreds poured from the gateway,
the invasion of our world had begun.

As Buffy* watched she started to laugh. "Soon, this world shall fall and
from its ashes I shall create a new order and rule supreme!"

Next the conclusion Of THE INVASION



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Cystal Arm Band 8: The Invasion Part 5
Date: 22 Nov 1998 06:26:24 -0500

The Invasion (5/5)

By NightHunter

Discliamer In Part 1


Back at the library, where Buffy had began to regain conciseness.

"What's going on, who was that?" asked Buffy as she started to get off
the table.

"Well She was you, I mean not you, you, but, a you that's not you,"
replied Willow

Just then they heard a voice from the top floor. "She's from another
Universe. If you don't stop her, she'll conquer this Earth like she
did mine."

As the figure stepped from the shadows everyone was surprised to see
Amy.

"Amy, how do you know all this?" asked Giles.

"First off, my name is not Amy.  It is Catherine.  Buffy made me switch
bodies with my daughter. So that she could have a powerful witch on her
side then.  Then she killed her Amy in my body." answered Catherine.

"Then we've got to stop her.  Come on guys." yelled Buffy grabbing a
crossbow from the weapons locker.

"Buffy, Wait!  There is no way that we can stop an army of demons." said
Giles.

"Look Giles, I know that we will probably die.  But there's no way that I
can stand by and not try to stop this.  You trained me too well." said
Buffy "Who's with me?"

Xander turns to Buffy "Do you even need to ask." he said taking her hand
and putting on his game face.

"Well, I guess it's better then wondering what's going to happen." Said
Willow

"OK, but you're going need an edge in the battle." Said Catherine

"Oh, we have a surprise for Buffy.  Right Willow?" Said Xander

"What are you talking about Xan-- (then Willow remembers that tonight is
a full Moon) Oh Yeh, I forgot." said Willow.

A couple of hours later the group arrives at the Invasion site.  They see
hundreds of assorted demons & other creatures.

"Soon, this world will fall and I shall rule supreme!" Yelled Buffy*

"Like, I don't think so," Yelled Buffy. She then fired her Crossbow into
the Machine causing the gateway to collapse in on itself.

"NO! Damn you.  Kill her NOW!" Yelled Buffy*

The attack begun.  Xander in full Vamp mode lunched himself into the
battle (letting his demon take over) He knew that the demon within
himself would not let anything happen to Buffy.

As the battle raged.  The forces of evil were being slaughtered.
Buffy and her friends were fighting for their home world.

Xander was so caught up in the blood lust.  He didn't even notice Buffy*
coming up behind him, until, the stake was driven into his back.

NO!" screamed Buffy lunching herself at Buffy*

Buffy grabbed Buffy* by the wrist and threw her off Xander.

"Oh, looks like the Little Slayer has some backbone after all." Said
Buffy*

"Damn!  You bitch, you're so going to die." Yelled Buffy lunching
herself at Buffy*

Buffy* was taken by surprise at the savagery of her attack.  She
may have underestimated Buffy.

Buffy grabed Buffy* by the hair and threw her into the gateway
machine. As Buffy* hit the machine a thousand volts ran through
her body killing her instantly.

"STOP! The Slayer is dead, it's over." Yelled Willow* to the
surviving Vamps

"We owe you a debt of thanks Buffy." said Xander* Grabbing Willow*
and kissing her.

"What's going on here?" Said a confused Buffy.

"You have freed us from Buffy's* evil.  But, with the machine destroyed
we have no way home." Said Willow*

"I wish there was something that I could do." Said Buffy

As everyone looked at the destroyed machine>  the crystal arm band that
Buffy wore started to glow and pulse a blast of white light surged forth
surrounding the broken machine.  Then, in a flash of light the gateway
between the two worlds was opened.

"Well, I guess that you can get home after all." Said Xander

"Thanks again Buffy.  We will never forget you." Said Willow* & Xander*
as they vanished into the swirling vortex with the remaining vampires.

As Buffy and her friends watched the vortex begin to close.  Buffy said
"well, I guess that's over."

"Uh, Buffy aren't you forgetting something?" Said Xander

"Oh God! Willow!" Answered Buffy

"It's OK, I've got her." Said Giles "I'll take her back to the library."

"Uh...Buffy?" Said Xander

"Yah what?" answered Buffy

"Oh God, how do I say this?" said Xander

"Come on Xan, Spit it out." said Buffy

"OK, here goes" Said Xander Dropping down to one knee. "Buffy
Summers, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"  Xander asked
closing his eyes.  He knew he was putting his heart on the line again.
He didn't know if he would have enough of his heart left.  If she said
no.

"Uh, Oh God! Y-y-yes." said Buffy running into his arms.

Knowing that this was only the start.  For both of them, they silently
started kissing a slow passionate kiss.

Since the invention of the kiss.  There have been five kisses so
passionate so pure. This one left them all behind

Next Her Darkest Hour 4 Epilog



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 9: Her Darkest Hour Epilog
Date: 22 Nov 1998 06:33:02 -0500

Her Darkest Hour 4 Epilog

By Nighthunter

Discliamer In Part 1


Epilog Part 1 (Asking Willow)

Several Months had passed since Buffy had confronted her Darkest Hour=
.
After Catherine was killed by Willow, most of her spells were broken.=
=20
Giles had been turned back to flesh. However, Willow was still cursed=
 by=20
the bite of a werewolf. She had to be chained up every full moon. Xan=
der
was still a vampire, but, different.

Willow started to worry the full moon was coming up soon. But Buffy h=
ad
not come over to chain her up yet.  She had just picked up the phone =
to=20
call her when she heard a sound at the window. She turned around to s=
ee
Xander, so she went to the window and opened it.  "Xander, what are y=
ou
doing here?" asked Willow.

"May I come in Willow?" asked Xander.

"You never needed to ask be-- Oh, sorry, Yah come on in."Willow  repl=
ied.

"Willow, I know you were expecting Buffy, but she had to  talk to Gil=
es,
and I needed to ask you an important question," said Xander as he cli=
mbed
in the window.=20

"Sure! But Xander, the moon's coming up," replied Willow.

"Oh, right, sorry. I got the chains here if you'll lay down. I'll cha=
in=20
you to the bed," said Xander.

Willow smiled. "You don't know how long I waited to hear you say that=
."
Willow said holding up her hand to stop Xander from saying anything.=
=20
"But I know that you love Buffy. I hope we can still be friends."

"Willow, you are my best bud. I mean it, we've been friends forever,"
Stated Xander. "That brings me to why I'm here. Uh... last night I as=
ked=20
Buffy to marry me and she said yes.  I couldn't think of anyone I wou=
ld=20
rather have as a best man, I mean woman. You know what I mean."

"Yes! I would be honored Xanderrrrrr," replied] Willow.  Her last wor=
d
ending with a growl as the change became complete.

Epilog Part 2 (Asking Giles)

Giles turned around form his desk, when he heard the library door ope=
n
and saw Buffy enter. She looked like she was in a very good mood.

He was even more surprised to see her do a double somersault through =
the
air landing on his desk. She sat down, and Giles found himself asking=
=20
"Buffy, what's got you so happy tonight?"

"Giles, you know that you've been like a father to me  ever since I c=
ame=20
to Sunnydale. Letting me stay with you while mom is in a coma," Buffy=
=20
said. "And  well, here goes. Xander asked me to marry him. I said yes=
=20
and I was well, u'know like wondering, if you'd walk me down the aisl=
e?"

"Buffy, there's only one answer to give you. I'd be honored to be the=
 one=20
to stand in for your father," replied Giles moving from his chair to =
embrace
her in a hug.

Epilog Part 3 (Talking To Mom)

Buffy looked at the clock as she entered the hospital. It was a littl=
e=20
past 10 p.m. Just as she begin to wonder were Xander was, she felt a =
hand=20
on her shoulder. She turned around to find herself looking into the e=
yes=20
of her future husband.

Buffy and Xander entered the hospital walking past the desk. The nigh=
t
nurse the same one who was lifted up and held against the wall decide=
d=20
that it was safer to let the Summers girl and her friend into her mot=
her's
room, even at this time  of night.

Buffy carefully opened the door to the room that her mom had been kee=
p
in since the attack.  She moved over to the bed, leaning down she bru=
shed=20
a stray hair from her mom's forehead.

Xander came up behind and said, "Buffy. You need to be alone with her=
,
I'll wait outside."

"No! Xander, I need you here with me," said Buffy tears rolling down =
 her
face, "I mean, I don't even know if she can hear me."

"She can hear you Buffy. Tell her what you need to." Buffy looked dow=
n
to see a familiar furry face looking up at her. She turned to see Xan=
der
looking at her with a strange look on his face. "Buffy did that cat j=
ust=20
talk to you?"

"I have a name you know, it's Fizzgigg, last of the Feline Mages. As =
I=20
was saying Buffy, you have the greatest power of all, love use it,"=
=20
said Fizzgigg as he was engulfed in a bright white light.

Buffy reached over taking her mother's hand, "Mom remember when you=
=20
told that everyone has a special someone. Well, I found mine. Xander=
=20
asked me to marry him and I said yes. Only one other thing could make
me more happy then I am now. That's if you could give me your blessin=
g."=20
said Buffy as the tears ran down her face. She got  up and turned to =
see=20
Xander crying also.

"God Buffy! if I could I would do anything to bring her back," said X=
ander.

They had just got to the door when Buffy heard something. She turned
around the see her mother smiling. "Buffy, if you love him then there=
's
no way I could  say no." said Joyce, barely finishing before she is=
=20
grabbed by too crying teens.

Epilog Part 4 (The Wedding)

After weeks of searching, Buffy finally found a Priest who agreed to =
marry
them after dark.

Xander, had been standing at the altar for what seemed like hours "Wi=
llow,
what if she changed her mind."

"Well Xander, I'm still free," replied Willow with a smile.

At that moment the march begin to play.  All eyes turned to see Buffy=
.
Dressed in a long flowing white satin gown with a long lace train tra=
iling
behind her. Giles marched down the Aisle with her, arm in arm they
approached the altar.

The Priest began "Dearly, beloved, we are gather here today uh... ton=
ight
to join this man and woman in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman to=
 this
man?"

"I do," replied Giles moving Buffy's arm to Xanders.

"The couple have wrote their own vows," said the Priest.

"I, Alexander Harris, take you Buffy Summers, to become my other half=
.
For I have found that without you by my side, life isn't worth anythi=
ng.=20
I promise to love you more and more everyday. To stand by your side e=
ver
night. I want you to know that I'd walk through the fires of hell if =
you=20
asked me to."

Xander Placed the ring on Buffy's finger.

"I, Buffy Summers, take you Alexander Harris, to be my other half.  I=
t=20
was you who shined the brightest in the darkest night. You never left=
=20
my side, no matter what the cost. You are my beacon. With you at my s=
ide,=20
the night will never be dark again. I love you more and more everyday=
.=20
And not even the fires of hell will burn as long as my love burns for=
 you."

Buffy placed the ring on Xander's finger.

The Priest moved back in front of the couple. "If there is anyone her=
e=20
who knows of any reason that these two should not be joined, let them=
=20
speak now or forever hold their peace." When no one said anything the=
=20
Priest continued. "Then, what, God has  put together let no one tear=
=20
asunder. I now pronounce you, man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

Xander reaches down and removed the veil, Buffy and Xander kiss and
everyone cheered.

Buffy notices that the crystal arm band had started to glow, she and=
=20
Xander both heard a loud voice that said. "I, am very proud of you my=
=20
child. I give you this gift of my love. From this day forth your love=
=20
for each other will keep you together,  always. Your life energies ar=
e
merged your two hearts now beat as one.  Go, be happy."



I know it all happened fast, so if anyone wants to write any stories=
=20
taking place before the wedding feel free to do so.=20


("One day, I shall come back=85Yes,  I shall come back.  Until then,=
=20
there must be no regrets no tears no anxieties just go forth in all=
=20
your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.")

Next The News




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (1\?)
Date: 22 Nov 1998 17:39:40 EST

TITLE: Twilight (1/?)
AUTHOR: Shadows
EMAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me for permission, ok?
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: It takes place right after Faith, Hope, and Trick, so . . .
SUMMARY: Xander has broken up with Cordelia and hooked up with the girl
of his dreams (No, it's not Ampata . . .). But this is the Hellmouth, folks?
Can
love really beat all vampiric odds?
DISCLAIMER: The characters that you don't recognize from the idiot box are
mine
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Good OR Bad! I really, really, need it! SO MUCH! I'm
begging you!

---------



"So then she yelled "It's over!" and the it just . . . was. Cordelia and I
have broken up."

Xander sat on the edge of Willow's bed, plucking at invisible pieces
of dust as he told Willow about the argument Cordelia and he had had just
minutes ago. Rather than touch the phone again, Xander had raced over
here to Willow's house to unload his tale of woe on his best friend since
birth.

"Oh my gosh, Xander," Willow said sympathetically, digesting the
information he had just given her. "This is terrible. I mean, I knew you two
were destined to bomb, but like this?" She could see she wasn't helping
Xander climb out of his pit of despair; she was only helping him sink further.
"Sorry," she apologized. "It's just sounds like something that Cordelia would
do, that's all."

Xander mumbled a disparaging remark under his breath and then
narrowed his eyes angrily. "Yeah, it does sound a lot like her," he growled.
"But I thought maybe she'd grown out of her "Queen Cordy" phase already."

"Xander, she'll be superficial 'till the day she dies," Willow said, trying
to bite back laughter. A vision of Cordelia with feelings was just too much to
behold. "But I gotta admit that when she was with you, she was a better
person. Maybe it'll stick on her or something, after you two aren't . . . you
know."

"Yeah," Xander said, eyes falling to the floor again. He sighed and
then got up to leave. "I guess I'll go home and lie to myself that she wasn't
worth it."

He started to go, but Willow caught on to his shirtsleeve and held
him back. He looked at Willow with large, puppy-dog eyes that showed he
really did care for one Cordelia Chase. This was really hurting him.

"Xander, I'm there for you. You know, whenever you need me,
Cordelia or not. And I promise I'm not gonna be superficial or insensitive or
whatever. We're bestest friends, remember?"

Xander gave a weak smile. "Yeah, I know Will. Thanks." He closed
the door gently behind him.

Willow stayed on the bed, chewing her lip. There, for one instant, she
had felt like giving him a kiss, telling him that it was all right, because
she
was here now, and that she would take care of him. But no, that would be
wrong. Very wrong.

"Very wrong," Willow repeated to herself, trying to substitute a mental
picture of Xander for Oz. "It was would be a very bad thing."

* * * * * * * * *

Xander paced briskly down the sidewalk, head hung down and
hands stuffed in his pant pockets. He didn't really look or care where he was
going, but he tried to go in the general direction of home.

All he could think about what the stupid little argument Cordelia had
chosen to totally blow up the relationships. Break ups didn't get any stupider
or childish. For likes of him, he didn't give a crap whether she got him
Krispy
Kreme donuts or Dunkin' Donuts. He really didn't care how far she had to
freakin' drive for just a dozen.

Xander was so deep in his own misery, he didn't notice the soft yet
audible footsteps that matched his own, or the evil little chuckles from
behind. In fact, he didn't notice any of that until the vampire grabbed his
head
and twisted it to the side, biting down into his neck, puncturing the flesh
and
lapping up the rich and delicious blood.

The world around him suddenly began to shimmer and glow, melting
all together into a puddle of color. He could feel the fangs moving underneath
is skin, which caused the hair on his neck to rise. At first, he felt nothing
but
the pain, but then he was so weak he could feel nothing . . .

Then the fangs were ripped out of his neck and the weight holding
him up disappeared. Xander's legs doubled underneath him and he fell to the
ground, his head smacking loudly against the concrete.

<This is how I'm going to die>, Xander thought sickly. <A vampire.
Where's a Slayer when you need one?>

Something flipped him over on to his back, and then Xander saw the
most beautiful face. <It's an angel>, Xander thought, because suddenly his
body felt warm all over from the radiant light shining down from the face.
Then, two strong arms were carrying him to safety, but it didn't matter
because he was floating high above, away from all worries . . .



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 10: The News
Date: 23 Nov 1998 19:53:11 -0500

The News

By NightHunter

DISCLAIMER:In Part 1

Time Line:  Her Darkest Hour Parts 1-3/The Invasion/Her Darkest Hour
epilog/The News/The Final Battle
*************************************************************

Buffy was thinking how Sunnydale had been quite for the past few weeks.
They had just returned from their honeymoon in Hawaii were she had to
fight a ancient Lava God.  But now, she had important news to share with
her new husband.

When he heard Buffy come down the stairs Xander turned away from the
show he was watching. Thinking to himself that he was very lucky to
have a wife as beautiful as Buffy.  As Buffy looked at Xander she
wondered how he would take the news.  But before she could make it
to the bottom stairs she felt herself being lefted up in a strong
embrace.  Xander had moved across the room faster then she could
blink an eye.  Buffy thought WoW! there is something to be said
for vampire strength.

A smile broke across Buffy's face as she wrapped her arms around
her husbands neck. She lightly kissed him, then playfully hitting
him on the head she said, "Xander Put me down I can walk you know."

"Yes I know, but this is a lot more fun." Replied Xander smiling
back at her.

After kissing they both fell in a tangle of limbs onto the couch.
Buffy reached into her pocket and pulled out a test strip.  She
handed it to Xander and asked, "Do you know what this means?"

"Yes!" Replied Xander with a grin on his face "We've got hard water."

It took a second for Buffy to realize what Xander had said.  She
grabbed a cushion and started hitting him over the head saying,
"No Dummy it means...."

"Buffy, I know what it means.  But Giles always said that vampires
couldn't father children." Said Xander

"Well, that maybe so but, just remember that you are not like other
vampires.  I mean you never died.  And how many other vampires do we
know thats had a wooden stake drove into their heart.  And simply
turned around and pulled it out and went on with their life." Buffy
Answered

No other words were spoken.  Xander grabbed Buffy in a loving embrace.
Tears of joy run down his face. <we're going be a family> Xander thought.
As his demon renewed its pledge that nothing and noone would ever hurt
his family, never.


Next THE FINAL BATTLE



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7a/?)
Date: 24 Nov 1998 04:41:10 PST

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Seven
Gambling With Your Life


    As Xander gradually returned to consciousness, he became aware of two
things. First, Cordelia had stopped driving and had apparently pulled
the car off the side of the road in a broad, flat clearing. Second,
though there were no buildings anywhere to be seen, the glow of electric
lights--overhead, in the night sky, and on the dim horizon--was strong,
almost over-bright for the sleep-muddled teenager.
    "Huh?" he started to ask. His half-hearted utterance received no
answer. He opened his eyes further, ignoring the pain that was building
behind his nasal cavity, and cast about the car, visually seeking
evidence of his girlfriend's presence. The car, as far as he could see,
was empty--and there wasn't really that much car to see. He sat up
straighter in the seat as if a little more height could give him a
greater field of vision within the sports car. The pain in his head and
cramped muscles was promptly forgotten, and panic began to sink in to
replace them.
    Xander's breath started to come in shorter bursts, and he forced
himself to calm down and think rationally. He would release his seat
belt, open the door, and get out to look for Cordelia--all very calmly,
of course. Undoubtedly, she had gotten a call from nature--and not on
her cell phone, either--and stopped to answer it. Of course, she would
never wake up Xander to tell him that sort of thing, so she had just
stopped, gone off into the bushes, and-
    Except that was a load of malarkey.
    Even from within the car, with his eyes distorting images like they
were, he could tell that the land for miles around was scrub and stony
flatlands. There wasn't a bush in sight--except for Russian thistle,
tumbleweed to the uninitiated--and even skinny Cordelia couldn't hide
behind one of those. For another thing, Cordelia would sooner burst wide
open from water retention than she would use so much as a mildly dirty
bathroom. More than once on this trip, Xander had been required to drive
miles out of their way in search of an acceptable lavatory. He sincerely
doubted that a girl as picky as Cordelia would ever stoop to hiding
behind bushes off the side of a highway. Finally, ever since this trip
had begun, Xander had noticed Cordy's modesty factor increasing with
every mile they traveled away from Sunnydale; he hadn't given it much
thought, but maybe he should.
    Later. When Cordelia wasn't missing.
    Panic became more difficult to stave off with each passing moment, and
each moment seemed longer than the last. Finally, without knowing quite
how he had done it, Xander stood outside of the car. Not bothering to
close his door, he began to circle the sporty vehicle, looking in every
direction for some trace of Cordelia's passage or presence. She was
nowhere to be seen, not that there was anything much to see in the
middle of this arid wasteland.
    Xander looked over his shoulder, convinced suddenly that there was
motion behind him, that someone--or something--was staring at his back.
There was no one there, but there was something; specifically, a city.
His mouth dropped open and his strained eyes goggled at the immensity of
it. It was the apotheosis of every city he had ever been in, or heard
of, or read about, or seen on television--Paris and Milan and New York
and Toronto and Oz's Emerald City and Atlantis all rolled into one
glittering, glowing mass of steel, glass, and stone. It was both the
most perfect and the most hideous place he had ever seen in his life.
    *This is definitely not Las Vegas*, he thought in a daze. *I don't even
think that this place exists, not in the real world.* He paused--what
was the "real world"? Besides a cheesy, second-rate show on MTV? After
all, he himself regularly fought demons, staked vampires, stalked
cemeteries for the living dead, and shared patrol duties with the
Slayer, the Chosen One of prophecy and legend. What was an impossible
city compared to all of that?
    Pretty darned impressive, regardless of anything else.
    *Well, if that's the only city around, Cordelia has to be there. But
how far is it?* Even as he wondered about the distance, it seemed to
grow less. It wasn't so much that he was getting closer to the city--at
least, he thought that wasn't it--but that the city was getting closer
to him, engulfing him, almost as a human would instinctively swallow a
morsel of food caught on his lip. Xander tried to turn away, to run, but
time seemed to dilate; he knew that he could turn, but that it would
take a lifetime--or several--just to move by even an inch.
    After what could have been a second or an eternity, between one blink
and the next, he was within the city itself. But this city was both the
same and different from the one he had seen in the distance; while many
of the buildings looked the same--or had that same almost-mythic feel to
them--they were ancient and crumbling edifices, rotting and half-fallen.
The light, what there was of it, was subdued and noir-ish, filling every
corner and side-street with shadows which danced upon the walls and
moved--but only when you did not look straight at them. Under scrutiny,
the shadows were still and mocking in their silence; the motion
recommenced whenever Xander glanced away. He found himself darting his
eyes every which way, struggling vainly to stave off paranoia.
    If this was Oz, it was that fabled land after some terrible natural
disaster--and there wasn't a pair of tinted glasses in sight. And if
this was Atlantis, it was an Atlantis that had been sitting at the
bottom of the ocean for untold millennia, only to be cast up dry in the
deserts of Nevada. *Screw Nevada*, thought Xander in a bitter panic, *I
don't even think I'm on Earth anymore!*
    The silence gnawed at his mind and the shadows danced at the edge of
his vision until he felt that he must scream or explode in the silence.
Even as he opened his mouth, a scream did pierce the deafening
silence--but it was not Xander's scream. Xander cocked his head, the
panic rushing out of his body so quickly that he nearly lost his balance
and fell; he listened for the scream to repeat, possibly give him a
bearing on whoever it was, and he was not disappointed. The voice called
out again, and as Xander was about to call back, he realized
something--the voice was calling his name. He listened closely, for this
time, the voice kept repeating its pitiful lament over and over again,
until he finally recognized it. And when he did, he immediately started
running in that direction, not wasting a single breath on a response.
    It was Cordelia, screaming in torment, begg
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7a/?)
Date: 24 Nov 1998 04:41:02 PST

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Seven
Gambling With Your Life


    As Xander gradually returned to consciousness, he became aware of two
things. First, Cordelia had stopped driving and had apparently pulled
the car off the side of the road in a broad, flat clearing. Second,
though there were no buildings anywhere to be seen, the glow of electric
lights--overhead, in the night sky, and on the dim horizon--was strong,
almost over-bright for the sleep-muddled teenager.
    "Huh?" he started to ask. His half-hearted utterance received no
answer. He opened his eyes further, ignoring the pain that was building
behind his nasal cavity, and cast about the car, visually seeking
evidence of his girlfriend's presence. The car, as far as he could see,
was empty--and there wasn't really that much car to see. He sat up
straighter in the seat as if a little more height could give him a
greater field of vision within the sports car. The pain in his head and
cramped muscles was promptly forgotten, and panic began to sink in to
replace them.
    Xander's breath started to come in shorter bursts, and he forced
himself to calm down and think rationally. He would release his seat
belt, open the door, and get out to look for Cordelia--all very calmly,
of course. Undoubtedly, she had gotten a call from nature--and not on
her cell phone, either--and stopped to answer it. Of course, she would
never wake up Xander to tell him that sort of thing, so she had just
stopped, gone off into the bushes, and-
    Except that was a load of malarkey.
    Even from within the car, with his eyes distorting images like they
were, he could tell that the land for miles around was scrub and stony
flatlands. There wasn't a bush in sight--except for Russian thistle,
tumbleweed to the uninitiated--and even skinny Cordelia couldn't hide
behind one of those. For another thing, Cordelia would sooner burst wide
open from water retention than she would use so much as a mildly dirty
bathroom. More than once on this trip, Xander had been required to drive
miles out of their way in search of an acceptable lavatory. He sincerely
doubted that a girl as picky as Cordelia would ever stoop to hiding
behind bushes off the side of a highway. Finally, ever since this trip
had begun, Xander had noticed Cordy's modesty factor increasing with
every mile they traveled away from Sunnydale; he hadn't given it much
thought, but maybe he should.
    Later. When Cordelia wasn't missing.
    Panic became more difficult to stave off with each passing moment, and
each moment seemed longer than the last. Finally, without knowing quite
how he had done it, Xander stood outside of the car. Not bothering to
close his door, he began to circle the sporty vehicle, looking in every
direction for some trace of Cordelia's passage or presence. She was
nowhere to be seen, not that there was anything much to see in the
middle of this arid wasteland.
    Xander looked over his shoulder, convinced suddenly that there was
motion behind him, that someone--or something--was staring at his back.
There was no one there, but there was something; specifically, a city.
His mouth dropped open and his strained eyes goggled at the immensity of
it. It was the apotheosis of every city he had ever been in, or heard
of, or read about, or seen on television--Paris and Milan and New York
and Toronto and Oz's Emerald City and Atlantis all rolled into one
glittering, glowing mass of steel, glass, and stone. It was both the
most perfect and the most hideous place he had ever seen in his life.
    *This is definitely not Las Vegas*, he thought in a daze. *I don't even
think that this place exists, not in the real world.* He paused--what
was the "real world"? Besides a cheesy, second-rate show on MTV? After
all, he himself regularly fought demons, staked vampires, stalked
cemeteries for the living dead, and shared patrol duties with the
Slayer, the Chosen One of prophecy and legend. What was an impossible
city compared to all of that?
    Pretty darned impressive, regardless of anything else.
    *Well, if that's the only city around, Cordelia has to be there. But
how far is it?* Even as he wondered about the distance, it seemed to
grow less. It wasn't so much that he was getting closer to the city--at
least, he thought that wasn't it--but that the city was getting closer
to him, engulfing him, almost as a human would instinctively swallow a
morsel of food caught on his lip. Xander tried to turn away, to run, but
time seemed to dilate; he knew that he could turn, but that it would
take a lifetime--or several--just to move by even an inch.
    After what could have been a second or an eternity, between one blink
and the next, he was within the city itself. But this city was both the
same and different from the one he had seen in the distance; while many
of the buildings looked the same--or had that same almost-mythic feel to
them--they were ancient and crumbling edifices, rotting and half-fallen.
The light, what there was of it, was subdued and noir-ish, filling every
corner and side-street with shadows which danced upon the walls and
moved--but only when you did not look straight at them. Under scrutiny,
the shadows were still and mocking in their silence; the motion
recommenced whenever Xander glanced away. He found himself darting his
eyes every which way, struggling vainly to stave off paranoia.
    If this was Oz, it was that fabled land after some terrible natural
disaster--and there wasn't a pair of tinted glasses in sight. And if
this was Atlantis, it was an Atlantis that had been sitting at the
bottom of the ocean for untold millennia, only to be cast up dry in the
deserts of Nevada. *Screw Nevada*, thought Xander in a bitter panic, *I
don't even think I'm on Earth anymore!*
    The silence gnawed at his mind and the shadows danced at the edge of
his vision until he felt that he must scream or explode in the silence.
Even as he opened his mouth, a scream did pierce the deafening
silence--but it was not Xander's scream. Xander cocked his head, the
panic rushing out of his body so quickly that he nearly lost his balance
and fell; he listened for the scream to repeat, possibly give him a
bearing on whoever it was, and he was not disappointed. The voice called
out again, and as Xander was about to call back, he realized
something--the voice was calling his name. He listened closely, for this
time, the voice kept repeating its pitiful lament over and over again,
until he finally recognized it. And when he did, he immediately started
running in that direction, not wasting a single breath on a response.
    It was Cordelia, screaming in torment, begging him to save her.
    He ran on for he knew not how long, his breathing growing ever more
ragged and harsh, the sounds of screaming driving him faster and harder
than he had ever pushed himself before. He was almost to his
destination, the screams ringing like an alarm in his ears, when
suddenly they ceased. He looked around, his eyes at last lighting on a
low building that looked vaguely familiar.
    Xander rushed inside and found himself in a large, grotesquely
distorted foyer; the door slammed shut behind him with a bang loud
enough to make him jump a foot in the air. He frowned; this place
continued to feel familiar... Feeling slightly silly as he did so, he
cocked his head to the side so that his ear was almost touching his
shoulder and began opening and closing his eyes one at a time. Finally,
he closed both eyes tightly, straightened up, and opened them so quickly
that he was, in essence, seeing it for the first time.
    And then he knew where he was. He shook his head in denial, his mouth
twisting downward more with each shake; his fists clenched and
unclenched involuntarily and his knees quaked in terror. He was in the
Crawford Street Mansion, the last place he had seen Buffy, the place
where Angelus had kept the demon Acathla before he could perform the
ritual that would send the world to Hell. Somehow, the entire Crawford
Street Mansion had been transported to this alien city, twisted and
pulled like taffy until it was only barely recognizable as its former
self.
    Xander was so stunned when a light came on that he didn't have time to
scream.
    The light was a spotlight, centered on an upper-floor balcony,
specifically on a dark-suited figure standing on that balcony with his
back to Xander. Two more shadowy figures, taller than the central one,
stood on either side; there was something wrong with the way their
silhouettes shifted and squirmed. The dark-suited one turned slowly, but
even before he faced Xander, the teenager knew who his opponent was:
Angel.
    Angel--no, Angelus, he was Angelus now--smiled merrily at Xander, a
smile devoid of warmth or any human emotion, his evil glee written
across his human face. Xander started forward, but Angelus stopped him
with wave of his hand.
    "I give you greetings, White Knight, in the manner of my ancestors," he
began in a stately Irish voice. *When did Angel get an Irish accent?*
Xander wondered crazily. "As a gesture of welcome, I give you a riddle
and a challenge."
    "What?!" Xander demanded, his confusion etched clearly on his features.
"Quit playing games, Angelus! Where's Cordelia?!" Angelus laughed
evilly, breaking the image of the 18th-Century nobleman he had been
pretending to.
    "Okay, Xander, if that's the way you want to play it... I thought I
would be a little polite this time--after all, it's not often I get
guests. Less so, since Buffy killed me."
    "Buffy? Killed?" Xander sputtered uselessly.
    "Not that it matters," he continued unconcernedly. "Demons are eternal;
you might send us away for a while, but you can't ever really kill us.
Hell is a big place, and there's a spot in it for everyone!" He laughed
again, with more mirth in it this time. "Here's a joke for you: A baby
demon asks his father if angels can visit Hell. His father looks at him
and says, 'Son, only angels can go to heaven, but *anyone* can come to
Hell.' Cracks me up every time."
    "You said something about a riddle and a challenge," Xander prodded,
hoping to get some sense out of the twice-dead demon.
    "Oh, yeah." He scratched his head and pointed at Xander. "Riddle me
this, White Knight: What is it that never harms, but kills? That is
hunted by all men, but found by few? That makes the wisest men fools and
the most foolish men wise? That which breaks down all walls and builds
new ones up? Think about it while I give you the challenge." Xander
started to protest, but Angelus' next action shut him up easily.
Snapping his fingers, Angelus turned on another pair of spotlights,
these focused on the figures flanking him.
    On his left was Cordelia; on his right, Buffy. Both hung from the
ceiling by ropes; their mouths were covered with gags, hardly necessary
considering that both were obviously unconscious. They hung not over the
balcony, but over its edges, dangling precariously more than thirty feet
above the hardwood floor. Xander stared at Angelus with barely-checked
fury; if looks could kill, Angelus would have been a cinder at that
moment. As it was, his smile merely expanded, his wicked fangs visible
and glinting under the bright lights as he assumed his game face.
    "And here's the challenge, and herein lies the choice. Which one? In
about ten seconds, I'm gonna cut the ropes and both of these lovely
young women will plummet to their deaths--unless you can catch one
first. Oh, that's right: they'll be falling so fast that you'll only
have time to catch one of them. The other will die a horrible and
ignominious death on the floor below. Not much of a prize for our
runner-up, I admit, but our show has a limited budget.
    "Well, pretty boy?"
    Xander might have said something--a protest, a denial, something--but
in the next instant, Angelus lashed out with his claws, severing both
ropes. Time stopped for Xander, both of them seeming to fall in slow
motion, his arms and legs heavy as lead. Finally, he made his decision,
possibly not even consciously realizing which he was running towards. He
dove forward, catching the limp figure in his arms and using his body to
absorb most of the shock from the blow. From behind him came a sickening
thump and crunch, the sound of a body breaking in a dozen places, each
independently fatal.
    His eyes cloudy with tears, continuing to move only by his indomitable
will, Xander brushed Buffy's hair out of her eyes and looked at her.
Something was wrong. He felt her cheek; it was cold. He touched the side
of her face and her head lolled to the other side like a doll with a
broken neck. As her throat came into view, it was clearly visible that
her carotid artery had been pierced, draining almost every ounce of
blood from her body. Xander shook and began sobbing uncontrollably. They
must have both already been-
    As if reading his mind, Angelus spoke: "Wrong choice, my boy! You
should have thought about it a little more carefully. I mean, come on!
Would I ever let Buffy go alive once I had her in my power? Of course
not! But Cordelia... I have no real interest in her. How you and that
little shrew ever hooked up in the first place, I'll never know; all she
does is whine, whine, whine and scream, scream, scream. It finally got
so bad that I had to knock her out." Xander looked up, the tears making
Angelus almost invisible behind a watery curtain. Answering the question
in those tormented eyes, he replied, "Yep, that's right. Cordy was still
alive. Aw, shucks. But for a consolation prize, we're going to give you
not one, but two--count 'em, two!--corpses of the girls you love most in
the world! And as an added bonus, I'll throw in the third for no extra
charge!"
    A dull, heavy blow landed on the floor behind him, but Xander was
oblivious. His back arched, his sightless eyes stared at the ceiling,
and the only thing that was louder than Angelus' laughter was Xander's
howl of anguish.


Continued in next message...


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter King him to save her.
    He ran on for he knew not how long, his breathing growing ever more
ragged and harsh, the sounds of screaming driving him faster and harder
than he had ever pushed himself before. He was almost to his
destination, the screams ringing like an alarm in his ears, when
suddenly they ceased. He looked around, his eyes at last lighting on a
low building that looked vaguely familiar.
    Xander rushed inside and found himself in a large, grotesquely
distorted foyer; the door slammed shut behind him with a bang loud
enough to make him jump a foot in the air. He frowned; this place
continued to feel familiar... Feeling slightly silly as he did so, he
cocked his head to the side so that his ear was almost touching his
shoulder and began opening and closing his eyes one at a time. Finally,
he closed both eyes tightly, straightened up, and opened them so quickly
that he was, in essence, seeing it for the first time.
    And then he knew where he was. He shook his head in denial, his mouth
twisting downward more with each shake; his fists clenched and
unclenched involuntarily and his knees quaked in terror. He was in the
Crawford Street Mansion, the last place he had seen Buffy, the place
where Angelus had kept the demon Acathla before he could perform the
ritual that would send the world to Hell. Somehow, the entire Crawford
Street Mansion had been transported to this alien city, twisted and
pulled like taffy until it was only barely recognizable as its former
self.
    Xander was so stunned when a light came on that he didn't have time to
scream.
    The light was a spotlight, centered on an upper-floor balcony,
specifically on a dark-suited figure standing on that balcony with his
back to Xander. Two more shadowy figures, taller than the central one,
stood on either side; there was something wrong with the way their
silhouettes shifted and squirmed. The dark-suited one turned slowly, but
even before he faced Xander, the teenager knew who his opponent was:
Angel.
    Angel--no, Angelus, he was Angelus now--smiled merrily at Xander, a
smile devoid of warmth or any human emotion, his evil glee written
across his human face. Xander started forward, but Angelus stopped him
with wave of his hand.
    "I give you greetings, White Knight, in the manner of my ancestors," he
began in a stately Irish voice. *When did Angel get an Irish accent?*
Xander wondered crazily. "As a gesture of welcome, I give you a riddle
and a challenge."
    "What?!" Xander demanded, his confusion etched clearly on his features.
"Quit playing games, Angelus! Where's Cordelia?!" Angelus laughed
evilly, breaking the image of the 18th-Century nobleman he had been
pretending to.
    "Okay, Xander, if that's the way you want to play it... I thought I
would be a little polite this time--after all, it's not often I get
guests. Less so, since Buffy killed me."
    "Buffy? Killed?" Xander sputtered uselessly.
    "Not that it matters," he continued unconcernedly. "Demons are eternal;
you might send us away for a while, but you can't ever really kill us.
Hell is a big place, and there's a spot in it for everyone!" He laughed
again, with more mirth in it this time. "Here's a joke for you: A baby
demon asks his father if angels can visit Hell. His father looks at him
and says, 'Son, only angels can go to heaven, but *anyone* can come to
Hell.' Cracks me up every time."
    "You said something about a riddle and a challenge," Xander prodded,
hoping to get some sense out of the twice-dead demon.
    "Oh, yeah." He scratched his head and pointed at Xander. "Riddle me
this, White Knight: What is it that never harms, but kills? That is
hunted by all men, but found by few? That makes the wisest men fools and
the most foolish men wise? That which breaks down all walls and builds
new ones up? Think about it while I give you the challenge." Xander
started to protest, but Angelus' next action shut him up easily.
Snapping his fingers, Angelus turned on another pair of spotlights,
these focused on the figures flanking him.
    On his left was Cordelia; on his right, Buffy. Both hung from the
ceiling by ropes; their mouths were covered with gags, hardly necessary
considering that both were obviously unconscious. They hung not over the
balcony, but over its edges, dangling precariously more than thirty feet
above the hardwood floor. Xander stared at Angelus with barely-checked
fury; if looks could kill, Angelus would have been a cinder at that
moment. As it was, his smile merely expanded, his wicked fangs visible
and glinting under the bright lights as he assumed his game face.
    "And here's the challenge, and herein lies the choice. Which one? In
about ten seconds, I'm gonna cut the ropes and both of these lovely
young women will plummet to their deaths--unless you can catch one
first. Oh, that's right: they'll be falling so fast that you'll only
have time to catch one of them. The other will die a horrible and
ignominious death on the floor below. Not much of a prize for our
runner-up, I admit, but our show has a limited budget.
    "Well, pretty boy?"
    Xander might have said something--a protest, a denial, something--but
in the next instant, Angelus lashed out with his claws, severing both
ropes. Time stopped for Xander, both of them seeming to fall in slow
motion, his arms and legs heavy as lead. Finally, he made his decision,
possibly not even consciously realizing which he was running towards. He
dove forward, catching the limp figure in his arms and using his body to
absorb most of the shock from the blow. From behind him came a sickening
thump and crunch, the sound of a body breaking in a dozen places, each
independently fatal.
    His eyes cloudy with tears, continuing to move only by his indomitable
will, Xander brushed Buffy's hair out of her eyes and looked at her.
Something was wrong. He felt her cheek; it was cold. He touched the side
of her face and her head lolled to the other side like a doll with a
broken neck. As her throat came into view, it was clearly visible that
her carotid artery had been pierced, draining almost every ounce of
blood from her body. Xander shook and began sobbing uncontrollably. They
must have both already been-
    As if reading his mind, Angelus spoke: "Wrong choice, my boy! You
should have thought about it a little more carefully. I mean, come on!
Would I ever let Buffy go alive once I had her in my power? Of course
not! But Cordelia... I have no real interest in her. How you and that
little shrew ever hooked up in the first place, I'll never know; all she
does is whine, whine, whine and scream, scream, scream. It finally got
so bad that I had to knock her out." Xander looked up, the tears making
Angelus almost invisible behind a watery curtain. Answering the question
in those tormented eyes, he replied, "Yep, that's right. Cordy was still
alive. Aw, shucks. But for a consolation prize, we're going to give you
not one, but two--count 'em, two!--corpses of the girls you love most in
the world! And as an added bonus, I'll throw in the third for no extra
charge!"
    A dull, heavy blow landed on the floor behind him, but Xander was
oblivious. His back arched, his sightless eyes stared at the ceiling,
and the only thing that was louder than Angelus' laughter was Xander's
howl of anguish.


Continued in next message...


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com


inseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7c/?)
Date: 24 Nov 1998 04:43:31 PST

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R

***

    Mornings were not Xander's strong suit. In fact, it could be stated
honestly that Xander hated mornings more than any other time of the day
or night; the only things that could rile him more were math and being
stalked by evil supernatural monsters. Fortunately, his math class was
several hundred miles away, and the only supernatural evil in town was
being held captive in the next room with Cordelia diligently guarding
him...
    Okay, now he was awake. In fear and panic over what he had done the
night before--leaving Spike with Cordy? was he crazy? what had he been
thinking?-- he stood and dashed into the other room, sure that he would
see a broken chair and Cordelia's drained husk... *Try not to think
about it*, he said to himself; *just take a look and make sure nothing's
wrong.* Xander's hands shook as he pushed the door fully open, and he
had a moment of nauseating deja vu as he remembered what had happened in
Bakersfield.
    The room came slowly into view, like a tension shot from a cheap horror
movie, revealing... Xander cocked his head to the side, unable to
believe what he was seeing. A grin tried to surface, but he managed to
submerge--just barely. Because there, in the center of the room, sat a
table; on one side, Cordelia, and on the other, Spike, his body still
bound to the chair but his hands free up to the wrists. Most
unbelievable of all, on the table between them, several piles of cards.
As Xander watched for a few moments, Cordelia laid down a card and Spike
retrieved it, laying down one of his own; a euphoric look crossed
Cordy's face as she began to lay down all of her cards in neat stacks.
Spike growled low in his throat as she discarded her last card into the
proper pile, a prim--if gloating--smile etched on her features.
    "Damn it!" he roared. "Not again! That's the tenth time in a row! Are
you sure you're not stacking the deck?" Cordelia shook her head, losing
her smile as she saw Xander walking into the room.
    "I kinda got bored," she said sheepishly, "and you were asleep. Can you
believe this place doesn't even have cable?" Xander was unable to
contain himself anymore and let loose his laughter, picking up Cordelia
and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well," she said, a new smile
forming on her face, "good morning to you too."
    "It's my turn for ghoul watch," he told her kindly. "Why don't you go
get us some breakfast, and then get some sleep? We can decide what to do
with Spike tonight, after you're rested up." She nodded, went to the
bathroom for a quick change of clothes, and returned, picking up her
keys as she passed. At the door, she stopped and turned around.
    "What do want for breakfast?" she asked.
    "Well," said Spike unexpectedly, "a nice pint would hit the spot right
about now..."
    "Nothing for our guest, I'm afraid," said Xander quickly, his smile
turning to a moue of distaste. He turned to Spike. "I'm sorry that we
can't offer you anything, but the blood banks are closed today."
    "Quite all right," Spike responded with mock politeness. "I'm sure I
can go without another night... maybe."
    As Cordelia left, their eyes locked, a silent battle of wills raging
between them. Walking to her car, she wondered what was going to happen
to them all; she pushed such serious concerns out of her head as she
started to calculate possible prices for breakfast and locales at which
to purchase it.

***

    When Cordelia returned, she was shocked and dismayed by the sight that
greeted her. The inside of her room was a tunnel of devastation, from
the overturned table, to the shattered lamp, to the broken chair. She
paused, looking at the scene; something about it struck her as even
worse than usual, but she couldn't place it. Her eyes darted back and
forth in terror as she realized what it was. Dropping the bags of food
on the bed, her eyes continued to fixate on the broken chair; the only
chair in the room, with torn rope and broken links of chain scattered
around it.
    Spike was free.
    Close to utter panic now, she convinced herself that, since it was
daylight out, Spike still had to be in here someplace. The thought did
little to comfort her. She began to make her way across the darkened
room, stopping only a moment to open the curtains and let the sunshine
in. She started to call for Xander, softly at first, then scaling up to
a full-scale screech of terror as she entered the other room.
    "Here," called Xander's voice from the opposite bathroom. "I'm in
here." Cordelia made her way into the bathroom, expecting the worst,
instead finding Xander sitting nonchalantly on the edge of the bathtub.
He had an ugly bruise on the side of his face, but was otherwise
unharmed. What garnered her full attention, however, was Spike: the
vampire, probably one of the most dangerous and evil they had ever
faced, lay unmoving in the tub, trussed up like Hannibal Lector, every
appendage tied together and his face taped closed with duct tape. She
opened her mouth in surprise, then closed it again in surprise, unable
to think of anything to say.
    He just looked back at her with an innocent expression on his boyish
face. "What?" Realizing that she would hardly accept the "Who, me?"
route, he tried again. "Well, he managed to escape from his bonds, but
utilizing my knowledge of martial arts and military tactics... What
now?" he asked, seeing the look of frank incredulity on his girlfriend's
face. Having tried innocence and false bravado, he finally decided to go
for the truth. Downcasting his eyes, he said, "All right, all right...
Boy, you sure know how to break a guy's ego--and without saying a word
either..." He sighed. "I don't know why, but he let me win. While you
were gone, I started questioning him again, mainly about Drusilla. I
don't like the idea that we don't know where she is; one super-powerful
vamp in town is bad enough, and by capturing him, we might have
attracted her. After a little bit of that line sort of thing, he freaked
out, vamped out, and broke out.
    "We fought--I still had that pool cue--and I think that I was doing
pretty good right up until he faked me out and got a shot in." He rubbed
the black and blue mark on his left cheek, a spot that was already
fading to a mustard yellow. "I went down, hard, and I guess I blacked
out for a minute. When I came to, Spike was just standing over me, not
even really looking at me. He had changed back into his human shape and
was just... standing there... with his fists clenched. He was shaking,
and finally he just collapsed on his own. I never even touched him. When
he fell, I tied him back up and put him in the tub." He looked over at
his prisoner. "Maybe I overdid it a little. But anyway, I had just
finished mummifying him when you came in; that's why I didn't answer
right away--Spike's a lot heavier than he looks."
    Cordelia had been silent for the length of Xander's explanation, and
now he saw on her face a look he found alien to her features: one of
solemnity. As he watched her internally debate whatever she was thinking
about, he realized that her face was much more suited to gaiety and
lightness than to sorrow or serious matters. While it did not make her
ugly--he didn't think that anything could make her truly ugly--it did
detract from her charisma, and he realized why she was so rarely
serious; it wasn't because she couldn't be severe or somber, it was that
she had decided not to be out of vanity. He almost smiled at the idea,
but Cordelia's words cut him off.
    "We should stake him. Now. Before he wakes up," she proclaimed in slow,
even tones. Xander looked at her in shock. While he had staked vampires
before, and he had even longed to stake Spike at one time, he had never
done so in cold blood. Killing a vampire who was trying to kill you was
one thing, but to kill a helpless opponent? That was murder, regardless
of the species. As he was trying to decide how to put these sentiments
into words that wouldn't ring hollow, he saw Cordelia leave the room,
than enter again carrying the sharpened pool cue. She stalked slowly
towards the prone demon, raising the makeshift stake slowly, the killing
intent written across her grave face.
    "No!" yelled Xander, leaping into her path and snatching the cue from
her hands. She struggled with him for a moment, finally relinquishing
her hold on the cue to beat her tiny fists (he had never realized her
hands were so small before) against his chest, tears of anger breaking
out despite her best efforts to control them. She pounded on him for a
moment, until he cast the pool cue aside and embraced her. She ceased
her attack and simply laid her hands against his shoulders, her face
pressing into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt, and they stayed
like that for a long time. At last, however, their hold on one another
broke, and they made their way into the next room to talk. When at last
words came, it was Xander who spoke.
    "We can't kill him," he said, the look in his eyes making it obvious
that he didn't like the idea at all.
    "Why not?!" she exclaimed, forgetting her need for quiet for a few
moments. Xander glared at her, and she repeated her question in a lower
tone of voice. "After all, he's tried to do it to all of us enough
times. Do you remember the time I got stuck in a closet with Willow for
twelve hours?" He did indeed remember, though he thought it prudent not
to say anything. "Vampire raids, assassination attempts, helping Angel
every step of the way..."
    "I don't think he was," Xander said quietly. "The only person Spike
hates more than Buffy is Angelus. And remember, until recently Spike was
confined to a wheelchair. I think he just finally got fed up with
Angelus controlling the place--and Drusilla--and went to Buffy for
help." Noticing the incredulous look on Cordelia's face, he went on. "He
told us about that 'deal' long before we even knew about it; and if he
and Buffy weren't working together--or at least, hadn't called some sort
of truce or cease-fire while Angelus was a threat--then how did Spike
get away alive? Or, as alive as he is, anyway?"
    "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!" Cordelia exclaimed. "All I
do know is, Spike's evil--way eviller than I ever was. He kills people,
he kills people for food! God only knows how many people he's killed so
far, and if we let him go, how many more will he kill?"
    "Rats," Xander said with a mirthless chuckle. "Ever since Drusilla left
him, he's been feeding on rats." He looked up at Cordy. "Before he
clocked me, I managed to get some things out of him. Not anything he
told me directly, but things I put together from his denials and his
vague evasions. Apparently, he helped Buffy out by distracting Angelus
at a crucial moment, then knocked out his own girlfriend. He pulled away
all the guards from Giles so I could get in and save our friendly
neighborhood Watcher. Then, while Buffy and Angelus dueled for the fate
of the world, he put Drusilla in his car and drove away; I think he
intended for them to go back to Europe, but something happened between
Sunnydale and Las Vegas. Drusilla was still in love with Angelus,
insanely so, and she figured that instead of helping her, Spike had
betrayed her. She dumped him and ran off to God-knows-where, and for the
last two weeks, Spike's been eating an alley rat every couple of days as
a chaser for his booze. What do you think now?"
    Cordelia's face was a mask of pity and horror. She knew what it was
like to love someone who didn't love you back, or to pretend to love
someone just to get something they had. She had been on both sides of
betrayal, and she now found it unpalatable.
    "It's kind of romantic, in a evil, sicko, Manson-family, hell-beast
sort of way," she said. "But I stand by my original argument: he's evil,
and he should be destroyed." Xander looked at her for a few moments
before he made his final decision.
    "Let's leave." Cordelia looked at him in disbelief. "It's not our place
to kill him, especially not as helpless as he is now. When he escaped,
he could have killed me, but he didn't. For that at least, I think he
deserves a chance. We'll pay our bill and leave, and just leave him in
the room." She turned away from him and gathered her things together. As
he watched her drift a little further away from him, he muttered, "I'm
sorry," so low that he barely heard it himself.
    They left the motel a few minutes later, still in silence, with the
inert body of their mortal enemy laying in the bathtub.

***

    "Hey, mister, are you all right," came the voice.
    He shook himself awake; it was well after nightfall. He checked his
body and found it unbound. Looking at the source of the voice, he found
an attractive young woman in her twenties, apparently a maid. How nice
of her to untie him! She bent down to look closer at his face, exposing
her ivory neck. He fixated on that throat, saliva beginning to drip in
his mouth. She seemed oblivious as he leaned closer, his breath almost
brushing her skin.
    Then, he stopped.
    Not knowing why, Spike stood up, pushed the protesting young woman
aside, and ran from the room. Once outside, the hot night air only
exacerbated his thirst, and he quickly looked for an alley where he
could find a rat. Such places were common in this city, and he found a
rat not long after. Chasing the slippery little fellow proved to be an
exhausting task, but one which he enjoyed; if he couldn't attack
humans--and he still didn't know why, but he couldn't--then the hunt was
just as good, because it took his mind off his lost princess, his angel
of the night.
    Slipping in a pile of wet garbage, he stumbled forward and would have
crashed headlong into the wall, save that he was caught by the shoulders
and hoisted back up. He began to curse the stranger, but stopped before
he truly started; something about the man's eyes forbade anger. The
stranger smiled broadly and began to speak.
    "I've got a proposal for you, Spike old boy. It's the same one I made
to a friend of yours not too long ago, and I think you'll like it...
though it might take a little longer to convince you than it did him."
    "I don't have any friends," said Spike bitterly. The little man in
front of him roared laughter.
    "You do now," he said cheerily, extending one hand. Spike, not knowing
what else to do, shook it. "We'll be hanging around together a lot, you
and me..." he said as he led the confused Spike further into the alley.
    "By the way, since we're going to be friends, you should know my name.
They call me... The Whistler..."

***

Excerpt from the audio journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris:

    "Conscience is a funny thing. It can drive us to the heights of light
or into the mouth of deepest darkness. It can inspire deeds worthy of
saints or crimes as heinous as any devil. In the end, conscience is what
truly defines us as human, because no other animal in the world has an
internal concept of good and evil. But is that concept something that we
develop for ourselves? Or is it a product of outside forces? A
combination of the two? We may not ever know. With the right influence,
maybe even an undead monster like Spike can find integrity and honor.
    "But if a man's conscience can overrule his judgment, who are we to say
that our personal sense of conscience is the right one? I let my
internal sense of right and wrong lead me down a destructive and selfish
path once before, and I refuse to do it again. I cannot judge Spike, no
matter the evil he may have wrought, or may wreak again in the future. I
am not fit to be a judge; sometimes I think I'm barely fit to be human.
    "For a long time, I thought that Buffy's whole 'Chosen One' spiel was
just some old legend made up to justify her abilities. Maybe it is, but
it's also the truth. Whatever she, or those like her, were chosen by, it
realized that normal people don't have the capacity to deal with horrors
on a regular basis. We begin to rationalize, to judge things by our own
standards--because those are the only standards we know.
    "This journey began as a way to purge my conscience, but now I know
it's something more. I now realize that we have been guided by some
outside force, possibly the same force that has always guided Buffy as
the Slayer, possibly another, but definitely by *something else*. This
trip is no longer just about salving my feelings of guilt at betraying
my friend--though that is still a part of it--but it is now about
conscience and about perspective. The power of the Slayer is not just
physical; it is the power to be the conscience of the world, the power
to keep a bigger perspective without losing the human one. Buffy is a
powerful fighter, but her biggest strength is that she can make the
tough decisions; not all the time--the early stages of the Angel crisis
proved that--but usually. She can make hard choices and live with them.
    "But now, even she has lost perspective. And it's because of me. This
search is not about me anymore; it's about saving Buffy from me, and
from herself. It's about restoring her point of view, so that she can
continue to do what she does best: make the hard choices. I've begun to
think that maybe Buffy would be happier if we just let her stay away, if
we let her live out the rest of her life in anonymity and peace. But we
can't do that; she has a duty, and whatever force is compelling me to
find her continues to drive that point home relentlessly.
    "Or maybe it's just my conscience."
    "End journal entry for June 1, 1998."


END CHAPTER SEVEN


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 24 Nov 1998 12:49:46 -0500 (EST)

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
to Buffy.  Crossovers are great, and expected, but general
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use Buffy characters belong somewhere else.

2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
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Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
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3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
and no posting of non-story items such as .gifs, sound files, etc..
No attached files of <any> kind-- if your mailer makes your fiction
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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PLEASE NOTE:  not following any or all of these rules will get you
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As noted above, posting sexually explicit material is the exception --
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Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
contact either one of us offlist.  If you have subscription problems or
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Jill Kirby ([e-mail])
 &
sah ([e-mail])
Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  How to (un)s*bscribe
Date: 24 Nov 1998 12:49:50 -0500 (EST)

Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe
from the list or to change s*bscription options.

IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST:

You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest.

Send a message to [e-mail]

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In the body of the message, put

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You'll go through the same approval process that you got when you subbed to
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THE BUFFY FICTION LIST

To s*bscribe to the Buffy Fiction list, follow the same procedures as
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TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST

send a message to [e-mail]

In the body of the message put

uns*bscribe buffy

(or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest)







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 11: Final Battle Part 1
Date: 25 Nov 1998 05:58:52 -0500

The Final Battle 1/3

By NightHunter

Disclaimer In Part 1


It had been a year since Buffy had given up being the Slayer.  She and
her husband were now living in New York.  They moved there after the
destruction of the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. Willow who was still learning
how to control the change into a Werewolf had moved in with them at
Buffy's insistence that she could help her defend the children if Spike
ever returned.

In a dark underground cavern Spike and Druscilla were planing the death
of the Slayer.  Spike had found one of the spell books left when Willow
had killed the witch.

"Spike, Miss Edith says that HE'S Coming back!"

"Who's coming back lov?"

"Why Roller Boy who do you think she's talking about, like they said in
that old movie I'm back!"

Then as the shadows parted ,an all to familiar form emerged.

"You, but I saw Xander shot you with a crossbow."

"Well Spike" replied Angel Drawing his chair close to him "In over 200
years I've learn a few things, now meet the down fall of the Slayer"

From out of the shadows steps a deamon which Spike can sence is old,
older then any other that he had ever encountered. Power radiated from
him in waves of evil.

The stranger places his hand on Angels shoulder "Soon My son, this world
will once again feel the power of the DRAGON."

Watcher HQ London England 3:45 AM., Monday

John entered the control room where a network of computers keep track of
all possible future Slayers. When alarms started going off he watched in
horror as lights on the center board signaled the death of a possible
Slayer. In less then 2 minutes over 40 lights had vanished.

The Home Of The 1st Watcher London England 3:50 A.M. Monday

An old hand reaches out pressing a button that causes one of the walls
to open the inside walls are lined with the Old Watchers Journals.
Another button is pushed and the old journals move aside to reveal a
large view screen.  On the screen is the face of young watcher.

"My Lord, forgive me for calling this early.  But our Satellite monitors
are showing the deaths of over 75% of all possible Slayers. What do we
do?"

"First thing, Call me Giles.  I always hated that title Lord. Second
thing, place the whole Network on call and send everyone we have to
locate and protect the other Possible Slayers.  As of this date, I'm
invoking Code Black!"

Watcher Heli-pad London England 4:00 A.M. Monday

Giles boards WATCHER 1 (The most powerful Craft in the Watcher Fleet)
carrying only one old book. The helicopter takes off.  "Lord Giles,
it'll take us about 6 hours to reach Watcher Control New York." Said
the pilot.

AS Giles sleeps his dreams take him back to the day that a rebellious
young girl came into his library.  He wanted to show her the way of
the Slayer, instead, she showed him that in this new world all the
rules were changing.  Then she threw them all out first by bringing
others into the Circle of the Watcher & Slayer.  A smile appeared on
his face as he remembered the first two who would be come the core
group. Something bigger and better than had ever been before.
Alexander (Xander) Harris joked about everything to hide his fear.
But, when he was needed he was always there for Buffy.  He became
her lifeline, helping her cope with everything that had happened.
He became her rock of strength and his love for her never wavered.
Then there was Willow, shy little Willow.  Sometimes I'd think she
would break. But, time and time again she proved that we needed her.
She could use those blasted machines like no one else.  After these
two, more would come, Cordilla, OZ, Miss Chalnder, and finally,
Joyce Summers.

"Sir, we've just got clearance to land.  And a car is waiting for you."


To Be Continued...The Final Battle Part 2



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 12: Final Battle Part 2
Date: 25 Nov 1998 06:00:31 -0500

Final Battle (2/3)

Disclaimer In Part 1


Giles arrived at the nondescript house in a suburban neighborhood.  Who
would ever guess that this was the home of the Slayer.  As the car came
to a stop, the driver, a young girl, came around to the back door and
opened it helping him out of the car.

"Sir!, do you need any help?" the young girl asked.

"No!, I'll be find.  These are old friends." Giles replied then using
his
cane he slowly moved toward the door.  < not quite as fast as I once
was. >
he thought.

He arrived at the door and pressed the door bell.  After a few seconds
the
door was opened by a very beautiful girl.  She had long flowing red
hair.
"Yes, may I.... Giles is that you?" shouted the girl grabbing him in an
embrace. "Come in!  Come in!" she said guiding him into the house to a
chair.

As he sit down Willow ask, "So Giles, what brings you here from
England?"

"Willow, I need to speak with Buffy.  Do you know where she is?" Ask
Giles

"Yeah! come on she'll be glad to see you." replied Willow leading Giles
to
a small sitting room off from the dinning room.

Tears started to roll down his eyes.  He beheld the most beautiful sight
he
had ever seen.  Buffy was sitting in a old rock-n-chair holding two
small
babies.  Each one suckling at her breast.

"Buffy you have a visitor." Said Willow

Buffy turned around surprise showing in her face "Giles come here let me
look at you." She said

As Giles came close he noticed that the two babies were both girls. Both
with hair as golden as their mothers.  And they both had laughter in
their
eyes just like Buffy "Twins!" Said Giles

"Yeah! I guess that some of the things in those old books were wrong."
Said
Buffy with a smile on her face.

Willow came over and  took the girls from Buffy.  She took them into the
house to put them down for their nap.

"What are their name?" asked Giles

"Sarah & Michelle" Replied Buffy "So Giles what bring you this way?"

"I'm sorry Buffy, but, we have a very big problem.  There's a new
vampire
Lord.  We have no ideal who he is.  But his minions are moving fast.
Already the bodies of six possible Slayers have been found.  Ripped
apart,
two of them were no more the six years old." Giles said his voice
braking
with sadness and tears.

Giles sit waiting for Buffy to say something when he heard a voice "Hey
G-
man, what's up?"

Giles turned to see Xander still in his police uniform.  Having just
came
off night shift.

Before Giles can answer a loud roar is heard from the house.  Buffy and
Xander move with their supernatural speed.  They reached the door to the
children's room just in time to see a red werewolf come sailing through
it.

"Willow!" Yelled Xander running over to her to see blood everywhere.
Her
arm was broken.

"The Babies!" Yelled Willow thought a half-human half-wolf roar.

Xanders face quickly changed allowing the demon to come forth.  He and
Buffy rushed into the room to find everything destroyed.  On the wall
written in blood

I HAVE YOUR CHILDREN SLAYER, COME AND WATCH THEM
DIE.

S


To be concluded...The Final Battle 3



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Crystal Arm Band 13: Final Battle Part 3
Date: 25 Nov 1998 06:04:21 -0500

Final Battle (3/3)

Disclaimer In Part 1

Xander lets out an inhuman scream of rage.  Someone would dare to take
his children.

"OK Giles, now what?"  Buffy asked holding a cloth to Willows side to
try and stop the bleeding.

"Now we fight back!" Said Giles taking a communicator out of his pocket.
"This Watcher Prime, I need a full Med Evac.  And transport at my
location NOW!"

In less then a minute a loud roar could be heard.  As the Watcher Med
Carrier, landed in front of the house.  The Medwatchers ran into the
house putting Willow on a stretcher as they stabalized her, they took
her back to the Med Carrier.

A young girl in a blue uniform with the insignia of the Watcher Air Core
entered the house "Sir, Watcher Sat 1 has traced the teleport signature
of the Demon.  We have located their strong hold in the carpatheon
mountains."

"Alright, lets go.  Single Watcher HQ to dispatch all units to that
location.  Its time we fought back." said Giles as he Buffy & Xander
boarded the Carrier Shuttle.

15 minutes later at the castle strong hold

"Sir, Watcher First Class Stewert reporting, all ground forces are at
the ready waiting the orders of a Slayer."

"Then move out!" ordered Buffy

No sooner was the command out of her mouth when the Watcher ground
forces attacked.  Loud explosions could be heard from the hand grenades
and missiles. The vampires were being blown to pieces and blood flow was
everywhere.  The ground forces begin to move forward when a loud roar
was heard.  It came from the back of the castle.  A giant Dragon demon
stepped out its breath of fire lashing out causing the Ground Troops to
scream in pain as the flames burned them to ash.

"Pull back!" Yelled Buffy.  She then turned to Giles "Now what?"

"Watch!" Replied Giles

"This is Watcher Airbase, we are now descending, prepare to engage
enemy." Came a voice from the communicator.

Buffy eyes almost fell out of her head when she looked up to see thw
Watcher Airbaset.  (It was the size of three super Carriers) descending.
Then, she watched as giant weapon batteries moved to target the
creature.
She could barley blink before twin laser cannons fired powerful beams of
light.  Which hit the creature, blasting off large chunks of flesh and
bone.  The blood boiled faster then it could gush from the opens wounds.
The creature roar in pain as the weapons fired again and again until
only
a pool of smoking gore remained.

"This is Watcher Airbase.  Prepare to receive armored attack core." The
Communicator Relayed

The Airbase descended closer to the ground as armored men and women
jumped to the ground.  They formed an armored battle line.  They brought
their weapons to bear and fired at the castle walls which exploded
outward
leaving a large hole.

Buffy and Xander quickly moved and entered the castle heading right for
the Throne Room.  They entered to see a large horned Red Demon sitting
on the throne.

"So, you came to see the little ones die?" said the Demon with blood
dripping from its mouth and eyes blazing like fire.

"Like Hell you will!" Yelled Xander letting the Demon within have free
rain.  Buffy watched as Xander changed growing Bat like wings.  They
burst from his back.  His face became demonic, twin horns pushed their
way from his head and his teeth became sharp Fangs.

Xander Leaped into the air attacking the Red Demon.  Only to be thrown
back against a wall.  The sound of bones breaking moved Buffy into
action.
She through herself onto the Red Demon.  As she fought to get a grip on
it.
Xander lunched himself once again at the demon.  His blood purring from
the wounds left by the creatures claws.

The Red Demon throw both of them from his person. "Asteroth, Join me
once again!" Said the Demon to Xander.

"Never! I'll see you returned to Hell, even if it Kills me!"

As Asteroth/Xander made to attack once again.  Buffy noticed that the
crystal arm band she wore started to pulse giving off a bright white
light.
That exploded, then in as flash a majestic creature with wings like a
dove
appeared.  Itwas holding a blazing sword of Fire in one hand and chains
of
light in the other.  The chains flew from his hands and wrapped
themselves
around the demon which screamed in rage.

"It is the decree of He who sits on high that you be taken from this
place.
To be chain at the center of this Galaxy and surrounded by a great
barrier.
There to remain with your demons for infinity" Said the Wing One

The Red Demon Screamed as it vanished from sight.

Another winged Creature approached Buffy carrying her two children.

"Come!" Said the First Creature.

As Buffy exited the castle she saw a massive place of light descending
from the sky.  It was surrounded by thousands of the winged creatures.

Asteroth/Xander Turned to the first Creature and dropped to his knees.
"I am ready to accept my punishment Michael."

"Rise Asteroth, for your time of exile is over.  By the decree of He who
sits on high your place in the heavenly host is returned to you." Said
Michael

With that Xander And Asteroth split into two Beings.  Everyone watched
in
amazement as a White Light descended.  The white light engulfed
Asteroth,
when it vanished he once again stood, his proud White Dove like wings
flapping.  He soared into the sky forgiven.

"There is one more thing Buffy." Said Michael Moving over to her.  "This
world has overcome the evil that was here and no longer needs a Slayer.
Go live, love, and be happy."

Michael's Wings begin to flap.  He returned to the sky and the place of
light begins to ascend.  Before it vanishes from sight one last beam of
light hits the Earth and when it fades they look to see OZ standing
alone.

Xander runs over clasping his back "OZ, you old dog!  There's someone
waiting for you"

With that, the heroes board the Watcher Carrier.  They leave for the
Hospital to bring a very special get well gift to Willow.

It the place of light a small Black and White cat hops up into the lap
of
an old man "Fizzgig last of the mages your place has been prepeared."
Then
in as flash of light they come all the guardion Mages that had even
been.
And for the first time Fizzgigg knew that he was home, and that the
battle
was over.


Never The End.  Always The Begining.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: discuss-- For Reference
Date: 26 Nov 1998 23:15:48 EST

What was the song Spike was listening to at the end of "Lover's Walk", and who
was it by?

Thanks,
Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: discuss: Thanks for the replies. :)
Date: 27 Nov 1998 01:48:12 EST

Thanks for the replies, all who answered my earlier question about the song at
the end of "Lover's Walk".

R



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Denial, Despair, Desire" (1/1)
Date: 27 Nov 1998 22:31:40 EST

Notes: I realize it's been ages since I posted to the list, and that's not
because I haven't been writing, I just haven't been able to get things beta'd.
I finally decided that I would just edit this stuff myself, and then if later
changes are made I'll pass newer copies on to Sare Liz Gordy's "The Loft"
site. The other reason I haven't posted in a while is because it got to the
point where I had more responses from posting on web archives; I'm hoping to
get more responses this time.
Disclaimers: The standard ones apply.
Archival: Sare Liz (aka Teknovamp) may have it for her Loft, anywhere else,
please ask for permission.
Comments/feedback: Whatever you want to say, I love replies to my stories,
especially if they're detailed and perceptive! I write for the responses.
Timeline: Takes place during "Revelations", in the T'ai Chi scene in Angel's
mansion.

~

                    "Denial, Despair, Desire"

     "Angel." She said the word simply, stepping through the door
and walking further into the large, open room in the center of the
mansion. Buffy's eyes darted one way, then the other, as she sought
out the figure she had come here to see. She took a breath, then
called out again.
     "Angel." This time, the word was a little louder, but no more
fraught with emotion than if she had been taking an order for fries
at the local McDonald's.
     Her voice echoed in the main hall, waves of sound vibrating
through the air until they bounced off the seemingly ancient walls.
     *It really does seem as though these rooms have been here
since the dawn of time,* she contemplated as one foot moved
silently before the other, and she took another step into the room.
It was so soft, so quiet inside, the moon outside shining down onto
pavement, treetops, and the mansion itself.
     "Angel?" Now, for the first time, the slightest amount of
concern crept into Buffy's voice. He might be upset with her,
still, but that was no reason as to why he wouldn't answer her. He
had always answered her before.
     "Buffy."
     She turned-- she was already halfway into the hallway-- and
breathed a sigh of relief as she saw him there, standing halfway in
shadow.
     "I thought--" she began, but then she broke off. She had
thought he might want some company, but how was she to say that
without sounding like a pestering, simpering child? Or worse yet,
as though she were pining over him and their lost love. When their
eyes met, she felt as though she were falling further, deep and
downward into a pit. Maybe some day she'd be able to climb out.
     Maybe some day she would want to.
     He was motionless: a pale but brilliant statue in the dim
light. He wore dark pants and a belt, and the smooth, sensitive
expression that he always kept so tightly wrapped around himself.
     After a few seconds' time, Angel's eyes left hers, and
traveled down her arm to her hands, where he could usually expect
to find a brown paper bag with some sort of blood product in it.
There was none today.
     When their eyes met again, he broke the silence. "Is
everything alright?"
     "I thought you might want some company."
     He raised one eyebrow and stepped aside, motioning for her to
come further into the room. She followed the motions, and as Angel
led her in to the mansion's main room, she noticed that the
furniture had been moved, leaving an open space in the center of
the room. She glanced back at him, noticing for the first time the
thin sheen of perspiration that covered his flesh. "I interrupted
you."
     "It's alright."
     Buffy looked at him for a moment, then shook her head, leaving
her backpack on the sofa and moving to the center of the room,
where footprints marred the dust that had settled since the
previous May. "Good things vampires aren't athsmatic, huh?" At his
confused expression, Buffy shook her head and moved so that her
shoes fell within the imprints of where Angel had stood before her
arrival. "What were you doing?"
     "Some exercises. Training."
     She lifted her eyes from the floor, to his eyes, and watched
as he looked at her, half-squinting even in the sparse light that
managed to make its way through the mansion's windows. "Show me?"
     He looked at her for several seconds, and Buffy wondered if
she had asked a stupid question, if she was prying, if perhaps
Angel was trying to brush her off and she was just too dense to get
the hint. Then, finally, he nodded slowly and moved around the
couch to stand several feet away from her. "Stand with your legs
apart. Like this."
     "I am." She pointed at her feet.
     "That's too far...here...like this. Squared. With your
shoulders."
     She adjusted slightly, and looked up. "Like this?"
     He glanced at her, his eyes traveling quickly over her shoes,
and nodded. "That's right. Now...clear your mind."
     Buffy swallowed, then nodded. "Okay."
     Angel looked away from her, toward the wall that faced them.
His eyes locked on to something distant, and it took Buffy a moment
to realize she was supposed to do the same.
     She pushed away all her thoughts, finding it so much easier a
task to accomplish than it had once been. Countless lessons with
Giles rushed back to her mind's barriers, but she shut them out,
refusing to remember even the barest hint her Watcher had given her
on how to make herself ready to fight, to hunt, to train. She had
to be an empty slate, to let the rush of the work itself fill her
like a vessel. Nothing could stand in the way.
     "You don't have to close your eyes," Angel said quietly, and
even though he was several feet away she felt almost as though his
voice was in her ear. When she opened her eyes, she realized why.
Her teacher had moved from his place on the floor, and was now
standing directly behind her, his body pressed against her own as
he slid his hands down her arms, slowly, guiding her limbs along a
torturingly slow path.
     "You have to let your muscles relax," he whispered, wrapping
his hands around her wrists. "You have to let go."
     "I'm trying," she replied, no louder than he had been.
     "Don't speak," he shushed, though his voice was kind and
quiet.
     As one, he guided her arms upward. If she had been in worse
shape, Buffy could imagine how much the excruciatingly slow
movement would burn, stretching her muscles slower and more
thoroughly than she was used to-- the warm-ups she did before
training with Giles were usually quick, hurried, barely adequate.
     She had the feeling this was less for warming up, more for
centering herself. It might have worked, if Angel hadn't been the
one showing her how to move.
     "Now, you have to imagine you're pushing down on something,
and bring your arms back down. Slowly. Slower." His arms stopped
pushing on her own, and now he was touching her wrists with barely
the weight of a feather, letting her control the speed of her
movements on her own, but still there, gently correcting her when
she erred, gently reminding her with a whispered word when
something had to be changed.
     She felt Angel leaning into her slightly, his hands pushing
her arms to one side. She turned with him, extending her left arm
while pushing against it with her right as he continued walking her
through the movements. His leg moved, and when she felt the first
twitch of the muscle, she made the move his own motion had implied,
until she was moving almost without his taking action at all. By
that point, Angel was merely standing by as Buffy let the motions
take on a life of their own, following her body and soul as they
determined what the next move would be.
     She felt slivers of ice letting go of her wrists, trailing
back up her arms. She felt his chest move away from her back, the
thin material of her dark brown tank top doing nothing to prevent
his chill from touching her.
     When he stepped away, she brought her movements to an abrupt
halt.
     "Don't--"
     "Am I doing something wrong?" she asked, her voice trembling
slightly when she spoke.
     "No," he reassured her, a soft smile creeping forward from his
lips. "You're fine."
     "Then what?"
     He moved into his own position, stretching his arms high over
his head, then turning his face to look at her. "You're a natural,"
he said quietly.
     Buffy felt a slight flush creeping into her cheeks, and shook
her head. "It feels natural," she replied. She wasn't sure if she
was referring to the movements, or to the feelings that were
coursing through her body and mind as she stood only feet away from
him.
     He seemed to understand, whatever it was she was saying, and
he offered her the slightest of smiles before moving his gaze to
the wall before them. "Now," he said, "do what feels natural."
     She half-smiled and nodded, waiting for him to begin. That,
she realized, was what felt natural: to be near him, to exist with
him, to follow his lead and to let him sweep her away. And even if
there was no way she could do that under anything resembling normal
circumstances, there certainly shouldn't be any problems with her
following her instincts when they were alone, in his home.
     His arms began to descend, at a rate so slow as to be barely
noticeable. The amount of muscle control Angel had attained in the
amount of time he had been doing this, which Buffy realized, might
well have been centuries, was incredible, and never before had she
seen it so well displayed. It was almost more than she could stand
to do to take her eyes off of him and move them to the wall before
her, counting on her peripheral vision to tell her how he was
moving and what she should do next.
     Painstakingly slowly, she stretched her arms out over her
head, flexing her fingers, letting the muscles of her wrists tingle
in anticipation of what was to come. Almost immediately, she could
feel the blood in her extremities begin to move a little faster,
course through her veins with a little more force. Though perhaps
that was merely Angel's presence.
     As the muscles around her knuckles and fingers began to
question when she would let them relax, Buffy redoubled her efforts
to keep them straight, forcing herself to a limit she was surprised
to find came so soon. The next muscles to begin complaining were
those in her upper arms, though that was nearly a full minute
later. By the time her arms were fully extended in front of her,
bending ever-so-slightly at the elbows, they were straining to stay
steady, but she refused to allow them to tremble.
     If she couldn't keep them from hurting, she could at least
keep herself from showing the pain.
     Slowly, slowly, she let her arms arc around her, in a half
circle. Her palms were still even with one another as Angel did the
same thing a few feet away. It was almost as though she knew where
and how he was going to move before he did it, or perhaps now he
was following her. Whichever the case, they were moving in tandem,
and that felt more natural to Buffy than anything else had in a
long time.
     Without turning her hips, Buffy pushed her arms as far as they
could go, and when that goal had been achieved she slowly extended
one and bent the other, using her right hand to hold her left wrist
steady as they both moved across her field of vision. She refused
to let her eyes follow her hands, instead clearing her mind and
rejoicing in the simplicity of the motions she was going through,
in their complete demands for her attention, in how the exercise
left no room for any thoughts other than how much longer this would
go on or how much harder she could push herself. In that, it was
almost like Slaying, but without the risks of damage to body and
soul.
     Angel was saying nothing, doing nothing other than the
movements, and suddenly Buffy was acutely aware of the silence, as
though someone had pushed it in front of her and pointed out how
unnatural it was, despite its soothing qualities.
     The moment the thought flitted across her mind, Buffy felt her
eyelids flutter, and almost before she realized what was happening
she had glanced toward Angel. She looked back at her hands
immediately, the moment the realization struck her, but it was too
late. She had already seen the tableau which was now burned into
her mind: Angel, intent on his own motions, his own body, his own
actions, barely aware of her presence.
     He was beautiful. Earlier in her visit, she had likened him to
a statue. Now, it was as though the statue had come to life, as
though some outside force had flooded it with the ability to move,
but not to emote; to see, but not to express or register what it
saw. And although Buffy knew it was merely shadows playing tricks
on her mind, when she let her eyes close for the briefest of
moments she could almost see sunlight dancing on his skin.
     As her eyes fluttered open again, she realized he was turning
toward her, that he would see her if she didn't look away. A moment
after he began to move, she did the same, turning her back to him
and bringing her arms back downward, to her sides, slightly bent.
Unsure of what to do next, she hesitated.
     Even though she couldn't see him, Buffy could still feel
Angel's presence behind her. It was as though the air itself
provided currents by which she could feel his motions, as though
even though she couldn't see him she could still predict where he
was moving, what he was doing. She could almost feel his hands as
they slowly rose, and she followed the actions despite not being
sure whether or not they were actually being taken.
     As she began to move through the routine again, at an ninety
degree angle from where she had begun, Buffy felt a slow shiver
wind its way down her spine. She pushed the thoughts from her mind,
reminding her of what Angel had told her. She had to clear her
mind.
     But how was she to do that when she could hardly stand the
thought of his being so close? So close, and yet she couldn't touch
him, couldn't hold him. Couldn't be near him.
     She took in a deep breath as her hands passed before her eyes,
knowing she was moving too quickly and yet unable to keep herself
from doing so. Expectation rushed through her veins, in equal parts
with anticipation and fear. Fear of what, she wasn't sure, though
it might have something to do with emotions and expectations and
desires and the man whose hands were slowly coming closer to her
own.
     Buffy could feel Angel's hands, though they were inches from
her own. She could feel them so certainly that the fine hairs on
the back of her palm were standing on end, creating a field of
goosebumps that prickled against his cool flesh when his hands
enveloped her own, his fingers entwining themselves around her
palms and over her fingertips. She felt her right wrist as it
bumped against his, felt her left hand sinking into his palm.
     She felt him recoil for the barest of instants, and for a
moment she froze, afraid of what might happen if he touched her
hands again, if he touched any of her again. The muscles in her
arms faltered, and she began to bring them down again-- but before
they moved more than half an inch, he took them again.
     As Angel gently let his hands rest in the air, only the
tiniest amount of space over hers, more gooseflesh rose on her
forearms. It was as though he was afraid to touch her, but wanted
to as badly as she desired the contact. Her breath fluttered in her
throat as Buffy felt Angel against her back once more, as his knee
touched the back of her leg, as her small waist fit softly against
his smooth stomach.
     She felt his chin touch her hair as he shifted position to let
her rest her head against his chest. His shoulders moved as the
position of his arms changed again, as he let his palms rest fully
against the backs of her hands, as she watched his hands moving
into her field of vision and wondered where this was headed, what
they were doing, and why.
     She was entranced by his fingers, at the way his hands covered
hers completely. So strong, so powerful, yet so gentle. So
frightened. His hands were trembling, shaking, and she wasn't sure
if it was from the exercise or from their shared contact.
     His arms were almost encircling her now, brushing her shoulder
as his hands continued to guide hers down. She let her eyes follow
both sets of hands as they moved. She let herself sink farther into
him as Angel brought their hands to her sides, finally unentwining
her fingers and resting his palms on her hips.
     As Buffy began to turn, Angel's fingers never lost contact
with her skin, riding along the rim of her jeans as she moved.
Likewise, his forehead continued to rest against her hair as she
looked downward, then traced the hands on her stomach back up along
his long, strong arms.
     When she could no longer bear to look over his smooth,
sculpted skin, Buffy raised her eyes quickly, letting them lock
with Angel's. Only then did his hands leave her waist, winding
their way around to her lower back, resting there. He didn't pull
her closer, but he didn't push her away. As she stared into his
eyes, their deep, dark pools seemed to beckon her forward, invite
her into them. So she moved closer, her lips parting almost of
their own accord as Angel tilted his face downward and moved closer
to her.
     They seemed to stop in that moment for an eternity. It was as
though time stood still, as though the air around them tingled with
an electricity that could hold them in place forever.
     Then Buffy felt the chill that had always preceded Angel's
kiss, thanks to the way the warm Southern California air was always
above Angel's normal body temperature, and it was as though the
circuit holding the electricity of the moment in place had been
broken.
     Angel pulled away first, though only barely, and if Buffy
hadn't pulled away immediately afterward he might have tried to
kiss her. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she pulled
away and moved toward her backpack, murmuring only a few words by
way of an explanation.
     "I better go." Quickly, she began to push things into her bag,
unsure of how they had found their way out when she had dumped them
there. In the meanwhile, she made idle chatter. "Big night for us
Slayer types. People to see, demons to kill..." Everything packed,
Buffy straightened up, turning to walk back to the doorway. "Better
hurry before somebody figures out what we're doing."
     "What are we doing?"
     She stopped in her tracks at the question, knowing she had no
ready answer, but also knowing she owed him one. "Training," she
said. But she could hear the rustle of fabric behind her, feel the
betrayal she would leave behind if she left the answer at simply
that. Again, tears threatened to break through, and again she had
to fight them back. "And almost kissing."
     Buffy turned, facing Angel as his hands worked their way down
the buttons on his shirt. "I'm sorry. It's just...old habit." She
had to look away then, because she knew she would hate herself for
what she was about to say, even though at the same time she knew
she had to say it. Once upon a time, she would have believed Angel
would be able to stop himself from doing something that could put
them all in danger...but now, she didn't know if that was the case,
and even if it was it wasn't fair to leave him to shoulder all the
responsibility of their relationship. So she had to set things
straight, now, and make sure he realized she couldn't do this any
longer. No matter how much she would hate herself for ending it
when she left, or later that night, or for the rest of her
life...and no matter how unsure she was that she would even be able
to follow through on what she was going to say. "Bad, bad
habit...to be broken."
     His expression didn't change as he looked down at her, and in
his eyes Buffy could see all the love she felt toward him
reflected. "It's hard."
     She shook her head, unwilling to let him make it be that easy
to dismiss. "It's not hard. Cold turkey. It's the key to quitting."
He looked at her as though he could see straight through her, and
Buffy could feel her resolve weakening. Her throat tightened. "You
think they make a patch for this?"
     "You have to go."
     Hating the way he used the words to avoid both their feelings,
she said, "I really do." She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to kill
him, she wanted to hold him and never let him go, but none were
options and none would have helped the ache in her chest that
should have closed over months ago, but for some reason was still
bleeding raw in her soul. There was only one solution, and even it
wasn't permanent. "I'm gonna try and vent a little hormonal angst
by going out there and killing a Lagos, whatever that is."
     "Lagos."
     She nodded, refusing to acknowledge the sudden, interested
expression on his face, the one tempered by a concern she didn't
want to know the root of. "Some demon looking for some all-powerful
thingamabob and I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc,
and..." She trailed off for a bare second as Angel sank down to sit
atop a coffee table, fighting every instinct she had, all of which
told her to stay, to grill him, to find out what he knew...because
in her mind, she knew if she stayed she might do something she
would later regret. So she pushed on, filling the void with
mindless chatter. "It's another tuesday night in Sunnydale."
     "Be careful." He didn't look up at her as he spoke.
     As she turned and walked out the door, Buffy felt her stomach
turning over and over inside her, and knew tears would come as soon
as she was out of sight of the mansion.
     She shouldn't have come, she told herself, no matter how much
she had wanted to see Angel. She never, ever should have come.
     Despite that, Buffy wasn't deluding herself. She knew she
would come back.

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

~

Comments, good or bad, to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Michael Held <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Buffy Fan Fiction on My Web Site
Date: 28 Nov 1998 14:29:43 -0600

I have added another piece of Buffy Fan Fiction to:

http://www.2diefor.com/buffyfic.htm

Please let me know what you think.  I hope to add more soon.  Thanks.
--
Michael C. Held
Palatine, Illinois
[e-mail]
http://pwp.starnetinc.com/mheld/
http://www.2diefor.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Of Clowns and Chocolate Hurricanes (1/1)
Date: 28 Nov 1998 15:34:56 EST

TITLE: Of Clowns and Chocolate Hurricanes
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: My site. Otherwise pls ask. I'll say yes, I just like to know
where it's going.
SUMMARY: Second story in my "Little Slayerettes" series where I write about
Xander/Willow when they were children
SPOILERS: Nightmares
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: They're all Joss & Co.'s, I own nobody. No infringement intended.

This is just an "I'm bored" fic. Enjoy. It's not much.




"A chocolate Hurricane? These are the best! I haven't had one since my . .
sixth . . . birthday . . "

<Xander flashback to his sixth birthday party>

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Xan-der,
Happy Birthday to you!"

Six year old Xander stood on the chair and leaned over to blow out the
candles. He inhaled deeply and just as he was about to extinguish the flames,
Willow and Jesse both leaned over and blew them out.

"Heyyy," Xander whined. "That's not fair, it's *my* birthday!"

Willow and Jesse erupted into giggles. "Sorry," Willow said.

The three six-year-old friends were gathered around the Harris's kitchen table
for a little birthday party for Xander. Mrs. Harris quickly cut the cake and
gave each child a huge slice, then hurriedly left the room, obviously more
engrossed in other things than her son's birthday party.

Xander watched his mom go, wondering why she didn't stay for cake with him. He
wasn't able to dwell on the fact long due to the glop of frosting that landed
on his cheek.

Xander glared at Jesse and then picked up his slice of cake. "This is war!" He
threw the cake, which landed squarely on Jesse's shirt. Willow then put her
hand into the box of ice cream and scooped up a sloppy handful. She aimed and
threw at Xander, catching him right in the face. Xander looked stunned for a
moment, and then grinned.

"Yummy," he said.

Before long the three were involved in a full-out food fight.

A few minutes later, Mrs. Harris re-entered the room. Her eyes widened at the
sight of her dining room and the three children absolutely covered with cake,
candy, and ice cream. "Alexander Harris!" she said severely. Xander looked at
his mother sheepishly.

She sighed. "I'll deal with you later. But now, the clown is here."

Right on cue, a clown burst through the swinging dining room door, gaudily
attired in a bright clown costume, complete with multi-colored wig and red
nose. Willow and Jesse laughed as the clown pretended to trip and fall.

But Xander sat stock-still, absolutely petrified by the clown. He didn't find
it funny at all. He was terrified.

The clown pulled out some balloons and blew one up. Clumsily the clown
manipulated a balloon into a shape somewhat resembling a giraffe and offered
the balloon animal to the birthday boy. Xander shied away.

The clown poked Xander, trying to draw the boy out, make him laugh. He made
funny faces, blew a toy horn. At the clown's advances, Xander was growing more
and more anxious. When the clown's back was turned, Xander climbed out of the
chair and started to make a run for the door.

The clown saw him, though, and started to chase him around the table. Willow
and Jesse laughed hysterically, thinking Xander was putting on a show.

Until he started screaming. "Get him away from me! Go away!" Xander shrilled
at the top of his lungs. The clown didn't stop. Willow and Jesse laughed
harder.

Xander froze and let out a long scream of terror. His mother finally appeared
through the door. "Would you stop screaming? It's a clown for god's sake!" she
scolded him.

Xander kept on screaming. "I think you better go," said Mrs. Harris to the
clown. The clown shrugged and gathered up his stuff. Xander backed into a
corner of the dining room. Mrs. Harris ushered the clown out, an embarassed
look on her face. Xander stopped screaming once the clown was gone.

Willow and Jesse had stopped laughing, but a few small giggles still escaped.
Xander came out from his corner and climbed back in his chair.

He looked at Willow.

He looked at Jesse.

They both looked at him.

And then all three simultaneously grabbed pieces of cake and started throwing
it at each other again. The clown was forgotten. Until . . .

<flash back to the present>

A laughing clown bursts through the sheets of plastic, armed with a knife, and
heading for Xander.

"Ahhh!" Xander screamed, tumbling backwards. He took off running.

*****

<Later>

Finally giving up, Xander spun around and faced the clown, swinging a punch
right into the clown's face and knocking him out. "You were a lousy clown," he
declared. "Your balloon animals were pathetic. Anyone can make a giraffe."

"I feel good. I feel liberated!"

FIN





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Michelle Furnas" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS  Looking for a story
Date: 28 Nov 1998 18:55:57 -0800

Hi, I apologize for the fact that this is
an off topic post.  I am not subscribed
to the general Buffy list.  I was just
wondering if anyone knew where I
could find stories that include Spike
or feature Spike.  Any help you can
give me is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Michelle






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (0/?)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 13:59:37 EST

Title: Hopeless Hope (0/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the
characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB
Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for
the gang to be reunited.
    She stood on the stone doorstep, debating whether or not to knock. So much
had happened and she had worked so hard just to come to this point. Once again
she stood at a crossroads, so much laying on her decision, too heavy for her
22 year old shoulders. Turning around and going home, pretending failure, was
the easiest choice, the least painful. But then she would have to face his
eyes, so dependent on her to fulfill his final and only request. But to knock
was to open all the wounds so carefully closed but never healed all those
years ago. It was coming face to face with her past, he guilt, and everything
that had been banished from everywhere but her nightmares, and the darkest
corners of her soul.
    But staring at that door she knew she had no choice, there was only one path
she could take. And so she knocked, and thus she bled as the wounds opened,
and the memories came rushing back.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (1/?)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 14:58:48 EST

Title: Hopeless Hope (1/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the
characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB
Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for
the gang to be reunited.

    The knock startled Willow more than she would have liked to admit. With her
honed vampiric senses she should have felt the presence of her visiter long
before he announced himself.
    Angel appeared at the top of the stairs. "Answer the door, Willow," he told
her.
    This confused her. They never opened the door, always allowing salesmen to
find new victims and tourists to remain lost. Willow wondered what could be so
important about this visiter as to allow him entrance into the safe haven
Willow had come to call home. But she trusted Angel, knowing he would never
risk her for anything, and would in turn risk everything for her. She trusted
him to protect her form the darkness that haunted them, as she had once
trusted Buffy to.
    And what she found standing there, or who she found standing there, shocked
and thrilled her more than anything ever had or ever could. After four, almost
five, years Willow had only dreamed of a reunion to her past.
    But there her past stood, int the form of Buffy Summers, vampire slayer.
    "Buffy," Willow whispered, overcome with joy at seeing her friend alive and
well, and standing on her doorstep.
    But Buffy did not return her joy, or any emotion at all. Her eyes were cold
as stone, her face passionless. While physically she looked no older than the
teen Willow remembered, so much in her demeanor, her eyes, her being seemed to
have aged countless generations. Her body was Buffy Summers, but Buffy Summers
seemed to have died from within.
    "Hello Willow." Even her voice gave off no emotion, "May I come in?"
    "Of course, Willow opened the door wider and motioned her inside.


    Willow. I knew what was waiting for me on the other side of that doorway, but
still I was unprepared. I could feel myself wavering, losing control. My steel
gave way to joy, and I had to fight to keep my face impassive when all I
wanted to do was pull her tightly to me, and never let go. But this was not
the time, it was too late for an emotional reunion. Too many wounds had been
made, too much time had elapsed.
    I followed her inside onl to come face to face with him. Angel.
    Angel.
    Angel. Angel. Angel. Angel.
    Love surged through me, and I fought to subside it. If I let myself feel now,
I would never regain control. And control was too vital to survival. Angel
taught me that.
    But I hadn't felt like this in almost five years. Just seeing him woke up
everything inside me that had remained dormant for too long.
    It took me a moment, but I forced it back, I regained control. Xander needed
me in control, and he was all that mattered. Everything else could come later.


    I watched her coldness to Willow and my heart broke. What happened to my
Buffy? So vibrant, passionate, and full of life. Now she stands there,
reunited with her best friend after five years and she doesn't even crack a
smile. She is like steel, dead and void inside.
    But when she looked at me I felt my heart surge. For a flash it was there,
the old Buffy. For a moment emotion forced its way to the surface, and love
shone through. She covered it quickly, putting the mask back on, but at least
now I knew that it was just a mask. My Buffy was still in there, hiding and
hurting, but there none the less.
    I couldn't fathom why she was here. Her attitude crossed out the possibility
that it was just a social call, she seemed to be there completely against her
will, which shocked me. There were only two people I knew who could ever get
Buffy to do something she didn't want to do. Myself, and Giles, but he had
been dead for four years. I heard about his death, along with those of Joyce
and Hanks Summers, the Rosenburgs, the Harrises, and Jenny Calender. All of
them turned to vampires, all of them staked by Buffy herself.
    Buffy's voice snapped me out of my reverie. "As you may have guessed, this is
not a social call. I did not come here for myself, I would much rather that
the two of you remained hidden and gone forever. However Xander does not see
it that way, and it is for him that I am here."
    I could see Buffy mentally bracing herself, even through her mask she could
not hide from me completely. I knew her soul too well.


    I looked around at them, watching as my words sunk in. I knew that I was
trying to hurt them, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted them to suffer as I
had. I wanted them to feel the pain that they had caused. BUt still, seeing
the torment on Angel's face broke my heart, and caused me to falter.
    "Xander is dying." I dinly heard Willow gasp, but I continued without
stopping. If I paused even a moment I would lose control, and time did not
allow for the slightest emotion, too much had been wasted already. "The
doctor's don't know what it is, and no form of medicine has worked. He lies in
bed at home, slowly dying, but never faltering in his search for you. He has
maybe two weeks left at most. His final wish was for me to bring you home.
    "I will not fail him. If you refuse, I am fully prepared to stake you.
However I hope it won'y come to that. He is dying, and he deserves closure,
one way or another."
    I ended my speech, allowing my words to sink in. Willow was sobbing, but I
could not bring myself to feel sorry for her. She left him five years ago. She
gave up her right to grieve his loss the moment she left Sunnydale.
    "So, are you coming or not?" My patience was wearing thin, time was a luxury
we did not have.
    Angel nodded at me, "We're coming." Without giving a still sobbing Willow a
chance to respond.
    "Good, let's go. Our flight leaves in an hour."




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (C. Catherine)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (30/30)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 12:48:47 -0800

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #29 Death and Destiny
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Criticism muchly welcomed!  (Bad or good...whatever the
complaint).
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the last Chronicles of the White Knight!  Not a
typo.  I left huge room for a sequel, but that's another day and age.
Hope I did the ending justice.  Just to say, I love this series.  It's
taken me from March until now and will probably reign as my favorite for
a logn time to come.  Oh, and I'd like to dedicate this all to my friends
and fellow B/X and non-B/X fans that have journeyed the story of
chronicles of the White Knight with me.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chronicles of the White Knight
#30 In Time and Pain
By: Taygeta

It had been almost two months since Xander had been out of the hospital
and longer still that he had seen Buffy - talk to heràwatch her smile and
laughàhold heràkiss herà  School had long let out for the year and he had
managed to pass his junior year with help from Willow, Oz, and Giles
while in midst of his rehabilitation.  As much as he wanted to see Buffy
within that time, a part of him would not let go - could not let go - of
the memories of that sad night so long ago that still struck a chord in
his heart.

*~*~*

It had been so long since she had been in his arms - weeks since she had
heard the beating of his heart.  Weeks that had turned into months since
she had held his hand, and all because of actions beyond her control.
Just the thought of that immediate comprehension of those lost days,
hours, minutes, seconds made her hurt.  The vividness and the bitterness
she had felt had yet to fade, and so she concluded that it could be
nothing but the same for Xander.

*~*~*

"Angel's gone, Dru and Spike's practically gone underground," announced
Oz with a sigh at the Bronze, although such words needn't much
announcement, "It's safe to say that when its peaceful in Sunnydale, one
has to worry."

"I know what you mean," Willow said glancing at her boyfriend, "It's like
fear the silence."

"Speaking of silenceà" Cordelia said rolling her eyes, "Xander and Buffy?
 Can those two get more silent?"

"Well, Cordelia, they kinda have a lot of issues to work out," Oz said,
"Granted they're taking their precious time to get to it, but after all
that Angelus stuff, can you blame them?"

"Let them have all the time they want, I personally don't care, but when
it involves me having to put up with Depressed Boy, I tend to care."

"We - Giles included - have been like the sticky stuff in the middle of
it all," Willow said.

"Switzerland."

Willow and Oz turned to the brunette with frowns, "What?"

"Switzerland.  We should be Switzerlandày'know neutral territory?"

Oz replied, "Actually, Cordelia, Switzerland gave the Nazis usage of
their train tracks and stuff.  So it doesn't speak too well for their
neutrality.  Belgium's much better suited because the Germans violated
their neutrality."

"Okay, then, Belgiumàwhateveràas long as I'm not stuck in the middle."

"*We're* not stuck in the middle," Willow prompted.

Cordelia nodded, "SureàUh-oh, Depressive Boy at twelve o'clock."

"Hey, guys," Xander said with a mustered smile.

"Hey, how's your leg?"  Cordelia said with tried cheerfulness.

He held up his wooden cane and said, "I can walk, butàuhàstill in need of
this wooden third for awhile longer."

"Umàhey, guys," a familiar voice said from behind them.

Xander looked up to meet Buffy's eyes and then quickly glanced away, "I
better get going.  See you around."

"But Xander you just - " Willow began, but he was already lost in the
crowd of teenagers walking out the door.

"Guess I made an entrance, huh?"  Buffy said with a sigh as she sat down
in an empty chair.

"What are you doing here, Buffy?  I thought you had to do some patrolling
or some of your other slayer stuff, " Cordelia asked.

"Not that we're not glad that you're here," preempted the redhead.

The slayer smiled at her friend's attempt at reassurance, "I figured you
all were here and I thought I might as well stop by for patrolling.
Maybe catch a little fun."

Cordelia eyed her clothing, "Apparently with those pants and that
jacket."

"I'm sure the Hellmouth really cares," she replied sardonically, "I
better get gone, maybe I'll see you guys later or something."

"Or something," the brunette replied taking a sip of her soda, but the
corners of her lips rose to a tiny smile.

"FunnyàCordeliaàfunny," Buffy replied with a light smile as she left the
three teenagers to be alone once again.

*~*~*

The clocks struck midnight in the Harris home and Xander lay in his bed
wide-awake.  He couldn't sleep, as usual.  He hadn't been able to sleep
much even before the Angel incident.  Sleep had been practically
non-existent ever since the time he and Buffy broke up months ago.

Xander opened the drawer of his nightstand and held up a white envelope.
Except for a few wrinkles, it was still in the same condition it had been
when he first saw it in the hospital - unopened.  He feared its contents,
after all, what does one say to another just before they could possibly
die?

He had been meaning to give it back to her and question her, but there
never seemed to be a right time or moment.  It didn't help much, either,
that they hadn't uttered more than a few words to each other within all
these months apart.  Yet, seeing her today at the Bronze, looking into
her eyes for that split second, his insomnia - his wonderment- seemed to
intensify.

Grabbing his jacket and his cane, he placed the envelope in his pocket.
Slowly, he crept down the stairs and made his way to the door.  It was
still early in patrol time and she was probably at her usual Friday
cemetery.  For some reason, this seemed just the right moment - the right
time -  he was looking for.  He didn't know why or how, but just that he
had to see her - talk to her.  Xander hoped that if anything, she'd
listen.

*~*~*

Buffy stood up with a sigh.  Her watch read that it was nearly one and
she hadn't seen any slaying action since a vamp had attacked her when it
was ten.

"Go on, Love, call her name," Druscilla said as she slightly loosed her
grip on his neck, "Call your precious slayer to help you."

Xander gritted his teeth, "Forget it."

The vampire tightened her grip on his neck and said, "Fine."

Druscilla stepped out from behind the foliage with Xander in tote,
"Perhaps you shouldn't leave, just yet, Buffy."

The slayer turned around with stake in hand, "Druscilla, what do
youàXanderà"

"Yes, Slayer, I have your little boyfriend."

Xander joked, "Tried to tell her that we broke up, butàuhàshe didn't
believe me."

She tightened the grip on his neck, "Shut up."

"Okay," he struggled.

"Let him go," Buffy said authoritatively.

"Not until I finish what I came here to do."

"And what's that?" the slayer asked as she cautiously moved towards her.

"To kill you, of course," Dru replied, "After all, you did kill
Angelusàruined our happy home.  You and your bloody friends made a mess
of everything.  I was going to just come here to destroy you, but I saw
him sneaking about, and wellàcouldn't miss the opportunity for bait
andàan extra meal."

"Your fight is with me, not with Xander.  Let him go," Buffy said.

"Not before I drain him first," she said with a sharp-toothed grin as she
bared his neck, but carelessly loosened her death grip on his neck.

Xander seized the opportunity to free himself from her grasp, "Buffy,
go."

He limped as best he could away while the slayer took advantage of
Druscilla's surprise and kicked her in the stomach.  The female vampire
hit a nearby tree, but was immediately able to stand up.

Angrily and thoughtlessly, she lunged towards the slayer and then
realized that in her enemy's hand grasped a stake.  Before she could stop
herself, or even think to stop, the sharp apex of the wooden weaponry was
deep within the core of her black heart.

"Good-bye, Druscilla," Buffy said as the demon shattered to ashes.

The slayer exhaled deeply and wondered how it was that she had
accomplished this so easily.  How was it that this tormenter had come and
gone so quickly?  Before she could contemplate any further, she heard a
tired, pained voice coming from behind her.

"Xanderà" she said quickly turning around and seeing her former boyfriend
trying to stand up, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, the rehab on my leg got pushed back a few months, butàuhàI think
I'll live," he said with a pained smile.

Buffy returned with a light grin and helped him up, "Come on, let's get
you home.  Can you walk?"

"Yeah, just barely," he nodded and looked at her quietly for a moment as
they began to walk out of the cemetery.

"What?" she asked.

He shook his head, "Nothingàjust - thanks."

"No problem, all in the night's work for a slayer," she said.

"I would think you get some brownie points for the slaying Druscilla," he
replied quickly.

"Don't think it quite works that way, Xander," Buffy said with a smile
and paused as her grin widened, "Do you realize we're talking?"

"Well, what do you know?  We are," he said with a soft chuckle, "Go
figure, it takes me almost dying - again - for us to strike up a
conversation.  Go Hellmouth!"

"How did Dru get to you, anyway?" she asked, "I mean, why on earth were
you out at one?"

"I was out for a midnight stroll.  Couldn't exactly sleep and haven't
been able to sinceà" he trailed and continued again, "Since awhile.
Then, I figured, I might as well stop by your patrol and give you
something I've been meaning to return."

They stopped walking as Xander pulled a white envelope from his coat
pocket and handed it to her.

She looked at it for a moment and said, "It's the note I left youàbefore
I went and killed Angelus.  You never opened itàwhy?"

He took a deep breath and said, "I guess I didn't want to know what you
would tell me moments before you could have possibly died.  I wasn't sure
I wanted to know and I wasn't sure I was ready to know, either."

She handed him back the envelope, "Open it."

"But I-"

"Please, just - just open it," she said.

Xander looked at the envelope and at her before he opened it.  He pulled
out the plain white paper and read the simple script aloud, "I love you."

He turned to look at her and she met his eyes with a smile, "Scary, huh?"


When he didn't answer her, she continued, "So, where do we stand,
Xander?"

"I don't know," he replied shaking his head, "Buffy, I can't forget that
dayàI just can't.  I want to, but it happened.  Whatever the
circumstances, the one thing that I was so scared of happening the entire
time we were datingàhappened."

"Xander, if I could change that, I would," she said, "But I can't, as
much as you can't forget.  I'm not asking you to forget what happened,
but to just know that I didn't mean it to happen."

He looked at her and said, "I'm glad you're not asking me to forget
because I'm not going to try to."

His response caused her steady glance to falter, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't need to forget.  Buffy, that night I had to leave
youàleave a part of meàleave my heart behind.  That was one of the
hardest things I had to do and to find out that - again - the Hellmouth
was responsible for it, it nearly drove me out of my mind.  But there's
one thing that doing that - hurting like that - made me realize.  It made
me realize that if ever I was so lucky enough to have the chance to love
you again and have you love me, I'd take that chance in a heart beat.  It
made me realize that although the chance of hurting like that might
happen, I wouldn't care.  Pain or no pain, I love you Buffy."  And with
that, he kissed her.

*~*~*

>From afar, Spike sat in his dark car watching the slayer and her white
knight.  True love had succeeded once again, but not all true love.  In
the midst of their rekindling, he had lost Druscilla - his love, his
life.  His life had crumbled when her form had shattered into ashes at
the point of the slayer's stake.  He would have attacked then and there,
but he was still too weak to stand on his legs for very long.

As he sat looking at them, he was glad that he was not yet ready to
battle the slayer - to avenge the death of Druscilla.  After all, love
deserved some time of peace because time makes things grow stronger -
makes love grow stronger.  So he would give them their time - their time
of happiness and of love - only to destroy it when it would hurt the
most.  So that when he killed the slayer, there would be one that knew
his pain - felt his pain - suffer in life as he was suffering.

___________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Thinking of Her (1/1)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 22:46:08 EST

TITLE: Thinking of Her
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Very much welcomed!
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it, you may have it. Just tell me where it's going
and keep my name attached.
RATING: PG, angsty stuff
SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk
CONTENT: Willow/Oz

THINKING OF HER

I sit quietly on the pool table, alone except for the company of my guitar. I
am absentmindedly strumming the strings, not playing any melody or tune. My
mind isn't on the music anyway.

It's on her.

I'm the first to admit it. My mind is on her probably about 95% of the time.
The other 4% is on my music. And that missing 1%, well, I keep it to myself
what happens in that one percent.

Usually when I think of her, my thoughts are happy ones. She made me happy.
Makes me happy. She didn't even have to do anything. She could just simply be,
and I'd be happy because of it.

She's incredible. I love her red hair, it feels so silky and soft when I put
my hands in it. I love her smile. It's the sweetest smile you've ever seen. It
lights up my world, and when she smiles and her eyes sparkle, I'm gone. I love
everything about her, from her shyness and her resolve face and the fact she
keeps me company during those nights of the full moon. I can't talk to her,
but I know she's there. It's comforting.

I love her.

I love her despite of it.

It. Amazing how much pain can be inside such a small word. It.

She was kissing him.

When I saw them, it was as if someone had shot a silver bullet right through
my heart. At that moment, I wished someone had. It would hurt less than seeing
that.

I don't think I would have been able to do anything. I would have just stood
there until one of them saw me. But Cordelia reacted when I couldn't. "Oh,
god," Cordelia said.

"Oh, god," Xander replied.

She said just three words. "Oh, god. Oz." And I was thinking, please don't say
my name. When she says my name she makes it sound special. I love it when she
says my name. I don't want to hear it in a situation like this.

"We have to get out of here," I said. I don't know why I said it. It seemed
like the thing to say.

I just stood and looked at her, and she looked at me. Xander got up and
started to go after Cordelia. I didn't hear what he said. I barely registered
the running footsteps up the stairs. I was too busy staring at her. And she
couldn't not look at me. It was awful.

And then the crash, and Cordelia fell.

I'm the one who went to get help. Xander had to stay with Cordelia, and she
had to stay with Xander. I didn't belong there. So I went.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since.

I don't know what to say. Not that I've ever said much to begin with, but I
always had something to say to her.

Now my thoughts of her are mixed with sadness. Confusion. Doubt.

And it hurts so much. I don't cry very often. In fact, hardly ever. But I feel
like crying now. I feel like screaming and throwing things and breaking
things.

But I don't. It's just not what I do.

But as hurt as I am, I can't find it in me to be angry with her. I want to
hold her, kiss her, run my hands through her hair. I want her to smile at me.
I want to smile at her. I want to walk down the hall holding hands and have
her sit on my lap when there's chair shortages. I want to offer her canapes
and animal crackers and tell her about freeze frame and French monkeys. I like
it when she brags about me. I like it when she reads me stories while I'm
locked in the cage and the fact she's considerate enough to hang towels up for
me. I like it. I like her. As much as I love her, I like her. Does that make
sense? To me, it's making a kind of sense that's not, but anyway.

There's a noise behind me. She's here. Without even turning around, I know
it's her. I wait for her to come to me.

"Oz?" she asks. It feels like someone's squeezing my heart.  "Oz?" she
repeats, not sure if I heard her.

I put the guitar down on the pool table next to me. I look at her.

Her eyes. They're so full of pain. She's been crying. "Oz--I --," she starts.

I hop off the pool table, standing before her. Three days have passed since I
last saw her. She's a wreck. Her eyes are swollen and she's shaking.

"I don't deserve you," she says. "I deserve to lose you."

"Shh, baby, come here," I say, wrapping her in my arms.

It feels good to have her there. Even though it hurts so much, it feels good.
She's crying again, I can feel her sobbing into my shirt. I don't say
anything, I just stand and stroke her hair.

"I'm so stupid," she says through the tears. "I love you. I didn't realize how
much until I lost you."

She never said 'I love you' to me before.

I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to be awkward silences and
difficult conversations. Baby steps, rebuilding trust.

But she's worth it.

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to take her back.

Can you blame me?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Thinking of Her (1/1) (REPOST)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 22:52:04 EST

Oops forgot the disclaimer first time around!

TITLE: Thinking of Her
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Very much welcomed!
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it, you may have it. Just tell me where it's going
and keep my name attached.
RATING: PG, angsty stuff
SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk
CONTENT: Willow/Oz
DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Cordelia, and Xander, are property of Joss & Co. I
just borrowed them for my story.

THINKING OF HER

I sit quietly on the pool table, alone except for the company of my guitar. I
am absentmindedly strumming the strings, not playing any melody or tune. My
mind isn't on the music anyway.

It's on her.

I'm the first to admit it. My mind is on her probably about 95% of the time.
The other 4% is on my music. And that missing 1%, well, I keep it to myself
what happens in that one percent.

Usually when I think of her, my thoughts are happy ones. She made me happy.
Makes me happy. She didn't even have to do anything. She could just simply be,
and I'd be happy because of it.

She's incredible. I love her red hair, it feels so silky and soft when I put
my hands in it. I love her smile. It's the sweetest smile you've ever seen. It
lights up my world, and when she smiles and her eyes sparkle, I'm gone. I love
everything about her, from her shyness and her resolve face and the fact she
keeps me company during those nights of the full moon. I can't talk to her,
but I know she's there. It's comforting.

I love her.

I love her despite of it.

It. Amazing how much pain can be inside such a small word. It.

She was kissing him.

When I saw them, it was as if someone had shot a silver bullet right through
my heart. At that moment, I wished someone had. It would hurt less than seeing
that.

I don't think I would have been able to do anything. I would have just stood
there until one of them saw me. But Cordelia reacted when I couldn't. "Oh,
god," Cordelia said.

"Oh, god," Xander replied.

She said just three words. "Oh, god. Oz." And I was thinking, please don't say
my name. When she says my name she makes it sound special. I love it when she
says my name. I don't want to hear it in a situation like this.

"We have to get out of here," I said. I don't know why I said it. It seemed
like the thing to say.

I just stood and looked at her, and she looked at me. Xander got up and
started to go after Cordelia. I didn't hear what he said. I barely registered
the running footsteps up the stairs. I was too busy staring at her. And she
couldn't not look at me. It was awful.

And then the crash, and Cordelia fell.

I'm the one who went to get help. Xander had to stay with Cordelia, and she
had to stay with Xander. I didn't belong there. So I went.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since.

I don't know what to say. Not that I've ever said much to begin with, but I
always had something to say to her.

Now my thoughts of her are mixed with sadness. Confusion. Doubt.

And it hurts so much. I don't cry very often. In fact, hardly ever. But I feel
like crying now. I feel like screaming and throwing things and breaking
things.

But I don't. It's just not what I do.

But as hurt as I am, I can't find it in me to be angry with her. I want to
hold her, kiss her, run my hands through her hair. I want her to smile at me.
I want to smile at her. I want to walk down the hall holding hands and have
her sit on my lap when there's chair shortages. I want to offer her canapes
and animal crackers and tell her about freeze frame and French monkeys. I like
it when she brags about me. I like it when she reads me stories while I'm
locked in the cage and the fact she's considerate enough to hang towels up for
me. I like it. I like her. As much as I love her, I like her. Does that make
sense? To me, it's making a kind of sense that's not, but anyway.

There's a noise behind me. She's here. Without even turning around, I know
it's her. I wait for her to come to me.

"Oz?" she asks. It feels like someone's squeezing my heart.  "Oz?" she
repeats, not sure if I heard her.

I put the guitar down on the pool table next to me. I look at her.

Her eyes. They're so full of pain. She's been crying. "Oz--I --," she starts.

I hop off the pool table, standing before her. Three days have passed since I
last saw her. She's a wreck. Her eyes are swollen and she's shaking.

"I don't deserve you," she says. "I deserve to lose you."

"Shh, baby, come here," I say, wrapping her in my arms.

It feels good to have her there. Even though it hurts so much, it feels good.
She's crying again, I can feel her sobbing into my shirt. I don't say
anything, I just stand and stroke her hair.

"I'm so stupid," she says through the tears. "I love you. I didn't realize how
much until I lost you."

She never said 'I love you' to me before.

I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to be awkward silences and
difficult conversations. Baby steps, rebuilding trust.

But she's worth it.

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to take her back.

Can you blame me?








-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (2/?)
Date: 29 Nov 1998 23:34:53 EST

Title: Hopeless Hope (2/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the
characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB
Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for
the gang to be reunited.

    She was so cold, so callous, uncaring and unsympathetic towards Willow's
grief.  At one time, what seemed an eternity ago, she would have taken Willow
into her arms, crying for her friends pain.
    Willow had fallen asleep quickly, leaving Buffy and I in uncomfortable
silence.
    "Angel."  My head snapped up at the sound of her voice.  She was staring at
me
with large pain-filled eyes; she was too tired to keep up the mask.
    "Yes," I answered as gently as possible, trying to keep the hope out of my
voice.
    "Did you ever think about us?"  She wasn't referring to us, as in me and her,
but as in those who had stayed behind in Sunnydale.
    "Every moment of everyday," I answered her honestly.
    She smiled at me then, a smile full of age, and grief, and pain, and ...
fear.
    "I'm so afraid," She admitted softly, "Xander's...he's everything.  He's all
I have."
    How much I wanted to go to her then, to wrap my arms around her, tell her
everything would be all right, that she still had me, that she would always
have me.
    Instead I settled for squeezing her hand.  She smiled at me warily, knowing
everything that I hadn't told her.
    We rode the rest of the way in comfortable silence.


    Nothing has changed in Sunnydale since my departure almost five years ago.
When
darkness comes the creatures of the night still go on the prowl, and the
Slayer still goes on
the hunt.
    To be honest I didn't think that Buffy would live this long.  From what
Angel's told
me, and what Giles told me before that, most don't survive their teens.  One
time while
surfing the net I learned that the oldest Slayer in history lived to be 21.
Buffy was now 22,
almost 23.  I wonder if she knew that she was living on borrowed time.  I hope
she didn't, I
hope no one's told her she's the oldest Slayer in history.  I can't really see
her taking it too
well.
    "We're here," Buffy announced, pulling into the driveway of the old Chase
mansion.
    Buffy shot me an odd look.  "Cordelia left it to Xander in her will.  We use
it as a
base of operations because of its huge library and close proximity to the
hospital."
    "Oh."  Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.  Every time I say something
its the
wrong thing.
    Oh well, I sighed, at least she hasn't staked me yet.

    "Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!"  A small girl came flying out of nowhere and into
Buffy's waiting arms.
    "Hope, I missed you," Buffy cooed, hugging her tightly.
    I glanced at Willow who looked as shocked as I felt.  Buffy had a daughter?!
Did
that mean she was married?  Who was the father?  Was it Xander?! As these
thoughts
occurred to me I could see they were simultaneously occurring to Willow.
    Her eyes filled with betrayal, the thoughts of Buffy with Xander evident on
her
face. I couldn't help but feel betrayed, Buffy had been with another man. But
then again,
what had I expected? She was an attractive young woman who thought we were
never
coming back. Why should she faithful to a memory? After all, I was the one who
left
without saying good-bye. I was the one who broke her heart.
    "Mommy, are those the people from Uncle Xander's picture?" Hope pointed to
us.
Uncle Xander. Cross him off the list.
    "Yes, baby they are. These are my old friends, Angel and Miss Rosenburg. This
is
my daughter Hope."  While Buffy's eyes were warm when she gazed at her
daughter, they
cooled more than a couple of degrees when turned on Willow or me.
    "Hi," the child peered out from behind her mother, giving me clear look at
her.  She
had long dark brown hair that curled slightly, like Buffy's.  Her eyes were
like chocolate,
large for such a small face.  After that she was the picture of her mother,
down to the
shape of her tiny hands, which were presently clutching her mother's.
    "Hope, why don't you show Angel your playroom?  I'm sure he's love to play
Barbies with you.  He could play Ken."  Buffy smiled down at her daughter, the
humor of
the situation completely lost on me.  What are Barbies and who is Ken?
    Buffy was looking at me expectantly.
    "Sure, why not?"  I knew Buffy wanted Willow and Xander to be reunited in
private.  Plus, that wasn't really my thing, too much emotion made me
uncomfortable.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (3/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 01:01:50 EST

Title: Hopeless Hope (3/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the
characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB
Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for
the gang to be reunited.

    I watched as Buffy's daughter took Angel's hand, leading him away with the
innocence that only children possess.  She didn't care about who he was, what
he was, where he's been, or what he'd done. All she cared about was the fact
that he was willing to play Barbies with her.
    Thinking about what would happen to her, as with every child before her, made
me want to lay down and weep.  Someday she would learn to judge others, to
fear others.  Someday very soon she would learn the meaning of death and
eternity.  Someday soon she would learn to fear the night.  Her innocence
would be gone, nothing could stop that, I only hope that she would not grow
hardened to death, as we all have. I pray God forgives us our sins and
protects Hope, the only good left in any of us.
    "Are you ready?" Buffy's voice brought me out of my reverie, and back to the
present.  It was time to see him, to face him.
    I nodded, but really I wanted to turn around and run. Running was the
coward's way out, but I never pretended to be brave.
    She led me down a corridor that seemed to go on forever. All too soon, and
yet not fast enough, we were at the door.  On the other side lay my one and
only love, my childhood friend, Xander.
    "Be gentle," Buffy reminded me, turning to go.
    "Wait!" I grabbed her arm, "You're not coming in?" Please, pleas come in.
    "No," she shook her head, "you have to face the music alone."  With that, she
was gone.
    I took a deep breath, and before I had a chance to change my mind, I opened
the door and entered the past.
    Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Once so full of life and
energy, he lay on a white bed, surrounded by machines, and covered with wires.
He was even skinnier than he used to be, and his face was grey with pain and
impending death. His eyes were closed, and if it weren't for the steady
pounding of his heart echoeing in my vampiric ears I would have thought he was
dead.
    "Hello Willow."  I jumped a foot in the air. His eyes were still closed, and
he didn't appear to have moved at all.
    "I only get two visitors," It was as if he could read my mind, "Hope runs
around and jumps on the bed, and Buffy doesn't hesitate in the doorway."
    At last his eyes opened, focusing on me, boring into my soul.
    He motioned me closer. "Its been five years and you can't even say hello?" He
smiled at me.
    I smiled back, it was all I could do to keep from crying.  Finally I found my
voice, choking on the words, "Hello Xander."
    I had moved forward to the bed, and was surprised when he took my hand.
    "I missed you," he said.
    "I missed you, too," I whispered, finally letting my tears free.


    I finally found Buffy sitting on the back porch, staring out at the stars.
Hope had just fallen asleep, Barbies in hand, so I had gone off in search of
Buffy.
    "Hey,"  I slid into the chair next to her.
    "I guess you want to know who she is, huh?" She didn't look at me.
    I didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue.
    "Her whole name is Alexndria Hope Summers. I named her after the only two
things that I had left, Xander, and the hope that someday you would come back
to me." Buffy turned her head, "You're wondering who the father is, aren't
you?
    "Well I'll save you the suspense. It's you. When you left I was three months
pregnant with our children."
    I stared at her in shock. But I couldn't be a father, vampires couldn't have
kids. Wait, children?!
    "Thats right. I was carrying twin baby girls. I named them Hope and Angela.
But then, when they were two months old, Lynn came to town. She had this crazy
idea of sending the world to hell by opening the link between our realm and
the demon realm.  But in order to do that she needed the power of a Slayer and
a vampire together. There are two ways to do this, turn the Slayer into a
vampire, or take the child of such a union. They grabbed me and Angela, but
one of the vampires forgot that an infant is more fragile than a normal human,
no matter who its parents are.  He dropped her, and snapped her neck. I was
standing right there when it happened."
    Without thinking I stood up and gathered her in my arms.  She clung to me
like a scared child.  It was a wonder she was still sane.  I wanted to cry out
at the unfairness of it all.  My daughter had died before I ever met her,
killed by my own kind.  But I just stood there, shaking with sorrow and rage,
holding Buffy like there was no tomorrow.
    "There's more."  I heard her whisper.  We seperated and she motioned me to
sit back down.  Grudgingly I did as she asked.  How could there be more.
    "Once she realized that Angela would be of no use to her dead, she flew into
a rage.  After that she got sloppy, declaring that she would be the one to
'make me'.  When she got close enough I struck out at her.  We fought, but she
had already started the ritual.  She had absorbed the power to join the
dimensions into her.  When I staked her the energy went wild.  Not one vampire
survived its rage, and it nearly destroyed me.  Through some ide effect of the
ritual my powers increased by half, and I became immortal.
    "The Watcher Council was thrilled, and eternal Slayer.  Only one thing can
kill me.  They found it in a prophecy two months later. 'And the eternal
Slayer shall rise, and naught shall destroy her but the sword bearing true
love's blood swung by true love's hand'.  It means that only you can kill me."
    Buffy immortal? I'm the only one that can kill her?  What kind of sick,
twisted game was fate playing this time.  What God could sacrifice a being
such as Buffy to eternal suffrage?
    "Oh Buffy," I pulled her back into my arms, and we stayed that way until
dawn, when I had to go inside to avoid the sun.
    All I knew was that I would never leave her again.  We would be together for
eternity, as long as we both shall live




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7c/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 12:24:09 PST

     Since the whole thing didn't post properly last time, I'm sending
it out again.


TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

***

    Mornings were not Xander's strong suit. In fact, it could be stated
honestly that Xander hated mornings more than any other time of the day
or night; the only things that could rile him more were math and being
stalked by evil supernatural monsters. Fortunately, his math class was
several hundred miles away, and the only supernatural evil in town was
being held captive in the next room with Cordelia diligently guarding
him...
    Okay, now he was awake. In fear and panic over what he had done the
night before--leaving Spike with Cordy? was he crazy? what had he been
thinking?-- he stood and dashed into the other room, sure that he would
see a broken chair and Cordelia's drained husk... *Try not to think
about it*, he said to himself; *just take a look and make sure nothing's
wrong.* Xander's hands shook as he pushed the door fully open, and he
had a moment of nauseating deja vu as he remembered what had happened in
Bakersfield.
    The room came slowly into view, like a tension shot from a cheap horror
movie, revealing... Xander cocked his head to the side, unable to
believe what he was seeing. A grin tried to surface, but he managed to
submerge--just barely. Because there, in the center of the room, sat a
table; on one side, Cordelia, and on the other, Spike, his body still
bound to the chair but his hands free up to the wrists. Most
unbelievable of all, on the table between them, several piles of cards.
As Xander watched for a few moments, Cordelia laid down a card and Spike
retrieved it, laying down one of his own; a euphoric look crossed
Cordy's face as she began to lay down all of her cards in neat stacks.
Spike growled low in his throat as she discarded her last card into the
proper pile, a prim--if gloating--smile etched on her features.
    "Damn it!" he roared. "Not again! That's the tenth time in a row! Are
you sure you're not stacking the deck?" Cordelia shook her head, losing
her smile as she saw Xander walking into the room.
    "I kinda got bored," she said sheepishly, "and you were asleep. Can you
believe this place doesn't even have cable?" Xander was unable to
contain himself anymore and let loose his laughter, picking up Cordelia
and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well," she said, a new smile
forming on her face, "good morning to you too."
    "It's my turn for ghoul watch," he told her kindly. "Why don't you go
get us some breakfast, and then get some sleep? We can decide what to do
with Spike tonight, after you're rested up." She nodded, went to the
bathroom for a quick change of clothes, and returned, picking up her
keys as she passed. At the door, she stopped and turned around.
    "What do want for breakfast?" she asked.
    "Well," said Spike unexpectedly, "a nice pint would hit the spot right
about now..."
    "Nothing for our guest, I'm afraid," said Xander quickly, his smile
turning to a moue of distaste. He turned to Spike. "I'm sorry that we
can't offer you anything, but the blood banks are closed today."
    "Quite all right," Spike responded with mock politeness. "I'm sure I
can go without another night... maybe."
    As Cordelia left, their eyes locked, a silent battle of wills raging
between them. Walking to her car, she wondered what was going to happen
to them all; she pushed such serious concerns out of her head as she
started to calculate possible prices for breakfast and locales at which
to purchase it.

***

    When Cordelia returned, she was shocked and dismayed by the sight that
greeted her. The inside of her room was a tunnel of devastation, from
the overturned table, to the shattered lamp, to the broken chair. She
paused, looking at the scene; something about it struck her as even
worse than usual, but she couldn't place it. Her eyes darted back and
forth in terror as she realized what it was. Dropping the bags of food
on the bed, her eyes continued to fixate on the broken chair; the only
chair in the room, with torn rope and broken links of chain scattered
around it.
    Spike was free.
    Close to utter panic now, she convinced herself that, since it was
daylight out, Spike still had to be in here someplace. The thought did
little to comfort her. She began to make her way across the darkened
room, stopping only a moment to open the curtains and let the sunshine
in. She started to call for Xander, softly at first, then scaling up to
a full-scale screech of terror as she entered the other room.
    "Here," called Xander's voice from the opposite bathroom. "I'm in
here." Cordelia made her way into the bathroom, expecting the worst,
instead finding Xander sitting nonchalantly on the edge of the bathtub.
He had an ugly bruise on the side of his face, but was otherwise
unharmed. What garnered her full attention, however, was Spike: the
vampire, probably one of the most dangerous and evil they had ever
faced, lay unmoving in the tub, trussed up like Hannibal Lector, every
appendage tied together and his face taped closed with duct tape. She
opened her mouth in surprise, then closed it again in surprise, unable
to think of anything to say.
    He just looked back at her with an innocent expression on his boyish
face. "What?" Realizing that she would hardly accept the "Who, me?"
route, he tried again. "Well, he managed to escape from his bonds, but
utilizing my knowledge of martial arts and military tactics... What
now?" he asked, seeing the look of frank incredulity on his girlfriend's
face. Having tried innocence and false bravado, he finally decided to go
for the truth. Downcasting his eyes, he said, "All right, all right...
Boy, you sure know how to break a guy's ego--and without saying a word
either..." He sighed. "I don't know why, but he let me win. While you
were gone, I started questioning him again, mainly about Drusilla. I
don't like the idea that we don't know where she is; one super-powerful
vamp in town is bad enough, and by capturing him, we might have
attracted her. After a little bit of that line sort of thing, he freaked
out, vamped out, and broke out.
    "We fought--I still had that pool cue--and I think that I was doing
pretty good right up until he faked me out and got a shot in." He rubbed
the black and blue mark on his left cheek, a spot that was already
fading to a mustard yellow. "I went down, hard, and I guess I blacked
out for a minute. When I came to, Spike was just standing over me, not
even really looking at me. He had changed back into his human shape and
was just... standing there... with his fists clenched. He was shaking,
and finally he just collapsed on his own. I never even touched h
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7b/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 12:22:35 PST

     Since the whole story didn't post properly last time, I'm trying
again.

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

***

    Xander hated Las Vegas from almost the moment they crossed the city
lines. To him it embodied all of the worst aspects of his species:
greed, careless ambition, avarice, undirected desires, a thousand untold
and unseen vices. Its shadowy alleys and gaudily lit streets both held
the threat and lure of total oblivion. It was a place where form was
more important than function or even content, where looks and style were
the only things that mattered. In its neon confines, anything could be
bought or sold, even human life. It was the antithesis of everything
Xander believed in; simply being in the city brought him close to
nausea.
    Had he and Cordelia discussed their feelings on their present locale,
he would have found himself unsurprised by how much Cordelia liked it.
Despite her significant advances of the last year, she still all too
often placed the chic and the vogue above the practical and the
necessary. Las Vegas was a purely created place, as much a fiction in
its own way as Oz or Atlantis; it was like being trapped in a huge
amusement park for adults rather than children. The glamour and glitz of
the city appealed to Cordelia's (admittedly twisted) aesthetic ideals: a
place based entirely on artifice and sensation, where only the moment
mattered and the future was an abstract instead of a reality that must
be faced.
    As they drove down the streets looking for a relatively cheap place to
stay, they were both silent--Xander in mild disgust, Cordelia in amused
wonder. Xander looked over at her, ready to share a snide comment on the
facade of society that a place so obviously predatory wore to lure
people in, then caught himself as he saw her face. Her expression was
close to that of a child who was expecting clothes for Christmas but had
gotten a pony instead. He knew he would get no sympathy from her on this
subject (did he ever?), and it wasn't really worth starting an argument
over. He sighed, choked back his remark, and concentrated on watching
the road for a place to spend the night.
    Distracted as he was by the seething tide of humanity and the flashing
expanse of neon lights penning them in on all sides, he didn't really
notice the drunk until they were right on top of him. This made it
doubly ironic, as he still saw the man before Cordelia, who was driving.
Xander caught a flash of movement in his peripheral vision, turned to
look out the windshield, and let out a scream of panic well before
Cordelia even noticed that the road was no longer clear. The car plowed
into the drunk, sending him rolling up the hood and across the
windshield's support bar; he was hit crossways, so that the impact
didn't shatter the front window, though it did create a hairline crack
about six inches long. Cordelia, seeing a human body flying towards her,
let out a small squeak of terror and slammed on the brakes hard. Xander
flew forward and was prevented from crashing into the dashboard only by
his seatbelt.
    The next few seconds were a blur, and Xander had virtually no idea of
how he got out of the car and onto the street. Cordelia had been reduced
to little more than a whimpering ball of denial, incapable of even
undoing her seatbelt, let alone helping the ill-fated individual they
had run into. The few people that Xander noticed roving about on the
sidewalks had next to no interest in the accident, though scanty number
milled about nearby, obviously hoping that someone had died or that the
police were on their way and they could see an actual arrest. The rest
were either typical city-dwellers, denying they had seen anything by
their unceasing motion away from the accident, or people who were
genuinely callous enough to notice but not care. So it was that Xander
had no help or hindrance in examining the drunk's prone body.
    He knelt next to the crumpled figure, feeling a slight twinge of
deja-vu at the drunk's tattered black duster; he dismissed it as
disorientation from such a long car ride followed by such a sudden stop
and continued to examine the victim. As Xander neared the person, he
found that his original assessment as "drunk" had been right on the
money; the individual on the ground smelled strongly of cheap whiskey
and cheaper living, mixed in with a metallic tang that Xander felt he
should recognize but could not for all of the alcohol in the air. A
broken bottle of something that looked like it was brewed in a bathtub
lay a few inches from the figure's gloved hand. A heavy woolen knit cap
was pulled low on the drunk's head, but a sparse few white hairs poked
out from beneath it where it had ridden up in the back. The hair was cut
short and bristly; it reminded Xander insanely of Billy Idol.
    A chill went up Xander's back. He tried to ignore it, to force himself
not to touch the drunk until the police and ambulance arrived; he
remembered from first aid that you shouldn't move an accident victim. He
listened closely, then made his choice. If it was who he thought it
was--and he desperately hoped it wasn't--then it wouldn't matter. If it
wasn't, it was already too late for an ambulance; the individual in
question was not breathing. With a heart heavy with apprehension, Xander
reached unsteadily out and flipped the drunk over onto his back.
    He stared for a few moments, considering. *Once the level of
coincidence in your life rises above a certain point, he thought, you
must question either your sanity or the coincidences. Since my sanity is
obviously no worse than usual, then I must ask myself: if coincidences
are just coincidences, then why do they feel so contrived?* He broke off
his line of thought as he heard distant, but rapidly approaching,
sirens. Struggling with a choice between conscience and caution,
interest and ire, the curious portion of his brain won out. He shrugged
the drunk's weight onto his shoulders and began to half-drag, half-walk
him to Cordelia's car.
    Before Cordelia could protest, he tossed the drunk into the back seat
and told her to drive. She did so, pausing only once to look in the
rear-view mirror and scrutinize their guest. She nearly ran off the road
when she recognized him, but a stern look from Xander forced her
attention back to driving. As Xander busied himself by tying the hands
of their passenger, he could hear Cordelia mutter "Oh, God--God damn
it!" over and over again under her breath.
    When he woke up, Spike was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

***

    The voices were becoming louder, clearer, closer, more annoying. He
grumbled in his sleep, something incomprehensible but obvioim. When
he fell, I tied him back up and put him in the tub." He looked over at
his prisoner. "Maybe I overdid it a little. But anyway, I had just
finished mummifying him when you came in; that's why I didn't answer
right away--Spike's a lot heavier than he looks."
    Cordelia had been silent for the length of Xander's explanation, and
now he saw on her face a look he found alien to her features: one of
solemnity. As he watched her internally debate whatever she was thinking
about, he realized that her face was much more suited to gaiety and
lightness than to sorrow or serious matters. While it did not make her
ugly--he didn't think that anything could make her truly ugly--it did
detract from her charisma, and he realized why she was so rarely
serious; it wasn't because she couldn't be severe or somber, it was that
she had decided not to be out of vanity. He almost smiled at the idea,
but Cordelia's words cut him off.
    "We should stake him. Now. Before he wakes up," she proclaimed in slow,
even tones. Xander looked at her in shock. While he had staked vampires
before, and he had even longed to stake Spike at one time, he had never
done so in cold blood. Killing a vampire who was trying to kill you was
one thing, but to kill a helpless opponent? That was murder, regardless
of the species. As he was trying to decide how to put these sentiments
into words that wouldn't ring hollow, he saw Cordelia leave the room,
than enter again carrying the sharpened pool cue. She stalked slowly
towards the prone demon, raising the makeshift stake slowly, the killing
intent written across her grave face.
    "No!" yelled Xander, leaping into her path and snatching the cue from
her hands. She struggled with him for a moment, finally relinquishing
her hold on the cue to beat her tiny fists (he had never realized her
hands were so small before) against his chest, tears of anger breaking
out despite her best efforts to control them. She pounded on him for a
moment, until he cast the pool cue aside and embraced her. She ceased
her attack and simply laid her hands against his shoulders, her face
pressing into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt, and they stayed
like that for a long time. At last, however, their hold on one another
broke, and they made their way into the next room to talk. When at last
words came, it was Xander who spoke.
    "We can't kill him," he said, the look in his eyes making it obvious
that he didn't like the idea at all.
    "Why not?!" she exclaimed, forgetting her need for quiet for a few
moments. Xander glared at her, and she repeated her question in a lower
tone of voice. "After all, he's tried to do it to all of us enough
times. Do you remember the time I got stuck in a closet with Willow for
twelve hours?" He did indeed remember, though he thought it prudent not
to say anything. "Vampire raids, assassination attempts, helping Angel
every step of the way..."
    "I don't think he was," Xander said quietly. "The only person Spike
hates more than Buffy is Angelus. And remember, until recently Spike was
confined to a wheelchair. I think he just finally got fed up with
Angelus controlling the place--and Drusilla--and went to Buffy for
help." Noticing the incredulous look on Cordelia's face, he went on. "He
told us about that 'deal' long before we even knew about it; and if he
and Buffy weren't working together--or at least, hadn't called some sort
of truce or cease-fire while Angelus was a threat--then how did Spike
get away alive? Or, as alive as he is, anyway?"
    "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!" Cordelia exclaimed. "All I
do know is, Spike's evil--way eviller than I ever was. He kills people,
he kills people for food! God only knows how many people he's killed so
far, and if we let him go, how many more will he kill?"
    "Rats," Xander said with a mirthless chuckle. "Ever since Drusilla left
him, he's been feeding on rats." He looked up at Cordy. "Before he
clocked me, I managed to get some things out of him. Not anything he
told me directly, but things I put together from his denials and his
vague evasions. Apparently, he helped Buffy out by distracting Angelus
at a crucial moment, then knocked out his own girlfriend. He pulled away
all the guards from Giles so I could get in and save our friendly
neighborhood Watcher. Then, while Buffy and Angelus dueled for the fate
of the world, he put Drusilla in his car and drove away; I think he
intended for them to go back to Europe, but something happened between
Sunnydale and Las Vegas. Drusilla was still in love with Angelus,
insanely so, and she figured that instead of helping her, Spike had
betrayed her. She dumped him and ran off to God-knows-where, and for the
last two weeks, Spike's been eating an alley rat every couple of days as
a chaser for his booze. What do you think now?"
    Cordelia's face was a mask of pity and horror. She knew what it was
like to love someone who didn't love you back, or to pretend to love
someone just to get something they had. She had been on both sides of
betrayal, and she now found it unpalatable.
    "It's kind of romantic, in a evil, sicko, Manson-family, hell-beast
sort of way," she said. "But I stand by my original argument: he's evil,
and he should be destroyed." Xander looked at her for a few moments
before he made his final decision.
    "Let's leave." Cordelia looked at him in disbelief. "It's not our place
to kill him, especially not as helpless as he is now. When he escaped,
he could have killed me, but he didn't. For that at least, I think he
deserves a chance. We'll pay our bill and leave, and just leave him in
the room." She turned away from him and gathered her things together. As
he watched her drift a little further away from him, he muttered, "I'm
sorry," so low that he barely heard it himself.
    They left the motel a few minutes later, still in silence, with the
inert body of their mortal enemy laying in the bathtub.

***

    "Hey, mister, are you all right," came the voice.
    He shook himself awake; it was well after nightfall. He checked his
body and found it unbound. Looking at the source of the voice, he found
an attractive young woman in her twenties, apparently a maid. How nice
of her to untie him! She bent down to look closer at his face, exposing
her ivory neck. He fixated on that throat, saliva beginning to drip in
his mouth. She seemed oblivious as he leaned closer, his breath almost
brushing her skin.
    Then, he stopped.
    Not knowing why, Spike stood up, pushed the protesting young woman
aside, and ran from the room. Once outside, the hot night air only
exacerbated his thirst, and he quickly looked for an alley where he
could find a rat. Such places were common in this city, and he found a
rat not long after. Chasing the slippery little fellow proved to be an
exhausting task, but one which he enjoyed; if he couldn't attack
humans--and he still didn't know why, but he couldn't--then the hunt was
just as good, because it took his mind off his lost princess, his angel
of the night.
    Slipping in a pile of wet garbage, he stumbled forward and would have
crashed headlong into the wall, save that he was caught by the shoulders
and hoisted back up. He began to curse the stranger, but stopped before
he truly started; something about the man's eyes forbade anger. The
stranger smiled broadly and began to speak.
    "I've got a proposal for you, Spike old boy. It's the same one I made
to a friend of yours not too long ago, and I think you'll like it...
though it might take a little longer to convince you than it did him."
    "I don't have any friends," said Spike bitterly. The little man in
front of him roared laughter.
    "You do now," he said cheerily, extending one hand. Spike, not knowing
what else to do, shook it. "We'll be hanging around together a lot, you
and me..." he said as he led the confused Spike further into the alley.
    "By the way, since we're going to be friends, you should know my name.
They call me... The Whistler..."

***

Excerpt from the audio journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris:

    "Conscience is a funny thing. It can drive us to the heighusly
negative. The voices didn't stop, instead reaching new pitches of
staccato aggravation. Words started to percolate through his brain,
pieces of conversation bringing him slowly out of the depths of cool,
pleasant oblivion back into the nightmare that was his life. Someone
would die for his pain--as soon as he could move again, that was. He
tested his limbs slightly and found that he was bound to something,
probably a chair, with lots of rope, some handcuffs, and--oh, my
word!--even a length of chain. Someone was going to a lot of trouble to
keep him immobile. Good; that meant they were taking him seriously.
    "He's dangerous, and he's evil--not to mention totally gross!" said an
indignant--and familiar--female voice. Well, he couldn't help but agree
with the first two, but he had never considered himself "gross." In
fact, it had always been a point of pride for Spike that he was quite a
"handsome devil," as it were.
    "Maybe," came the reluctant reply, said in such a low tone that he
couldn't tell if he recognized the speaker or not. "But there's
something strange going on. What's he doing here, of all places? Why
didn't Buffy kill him when she took on Angel?"
    Ah, now he knew the voices. The Slayer's little brat-friends: the
nancy-boy and his grope-girl. Where were the nerd and the wolf? Not to
mention that damned Watcher? It didn't matter. All that mattered was
that he had gotten lazy and he had gotten himself caught; smart demons
didn't live long doing that sort of thing. Angelus had taught him that:
never get caught with your pants down. Of course, Angelus had turned out
to be a complete psychopath (instead of just a run-of-the-mill sociopath
like himself) and nearly ruined everything. At any rate, it was time to
get up; his internal clock told him that it was still a good three hours
before dawn and the annihilating sun, so it was as good a time as any to
put the fear of God--or someone, at least--into the brats.
    He shot his eyes open and simultaneously shifted into his demonic
visage, eliciting a slight squeak from the girl, Cordelia.
Unfortunately, changing shape jostled his head, making the pain from his
hangover boil up all over again. Any impressive effect from assuming his
game face was instantly negated by the sight of him immediately
returning to human form, groaning in agony, and puking all over the
front of his shirt; the rancid smell of blood-tinged vomit almost made
him throw up again, but he fought it back.
    When his vision cleared, he saw Xander looming over him--and did he
detect just the slightest hint of smug satisfaction on the boy's face?
Or was it something even more terrible--like pity? He changed again,
ignoring the pain, and began to thrash against his bonds. The pain of
his hangover was nothing compared to the fury of his rage--of the
demon's rage--within him. It had grown strong over two hundred years'
worth of nights, battling in the endless torment of existence to find
some measure of equilibrium between its animal madness and the human
intellect of the man who had once been called William. While most of
that balance was based on externalizing his torment and on releasing the
beast when he could, he still had enough of his human intelligence to
know when he could win and when he couldn't.
    Which was why, when Spike saw that Xander had pulled a sharpened pool
cue and was brandishing it in his direction, he immediately ceased
struggling. He submerged the demon--though it did not go without
protest--and simply looked at the whelp with an affected air of disdain
and contempt.
    "That's better," said Xander, lowering the pool cue slightly, but still
keeping it ready for action. "You know, Spike, you really should be more
grateful to your rescuers. If it hadn't been for us, you'd still be
passed out in the middle of the street when dawn came... or worse yet,
in the hospital. I bet that the doctors and police would have some...
interesting... questions about your condition." Xander snorted at the
idea, knowing that the police were almost always deeply stupid about
such things.
    "Why am I here?" asked Spike haughtily, his tone suggesting that being
tied up in a chair with his vomit dripping down his shirt was no
different than if it were the two teenagers who were tied up in his
warehouse lair... except that the warehouse was no more; Angelus had
seen to that. Thinking of that idiot nearly made him lose his cool, but
remembering his sire's fate calmed him down again. "Answer me now, or
it'll be worse for you when I get out of this."
    "You're assuming," said Xander with a smile, "that we intend to let you
out of this. That particular assumption depends on any number of
factors, not the least of which is your willingness to cooperate."
    "Quit talking like Giles already," complained Cordelia, who was
maintaining a safe distance from their prisoner, afraid of Spike in
spite of his captivity. "I still say you should have just staked him."
She looked over at Spike with a nervous smile. "No offense intended or
anything, but you *are* a monster, you know."
    "None taken," murmured Spike, his headache gone now due to the
influence of the demon. He sighed; the amount of time it took a vampire
to get drunk was almost worth it when you considered how short the
hangovers were. "And, yes, I do know that I'm a monster. Sort of proud
of it, actually."
    "I'm not surprised," muttered Xander darkly. "Let's get right to the
point. What's a high-class freak-job like you doing in a place like Las
Vegas?"
    "I think you just answered your own question," returned Spike, getting
into the spirit of the interrogation. He smiled; he had been on both
ends of this sort of inquiry before, and in two hundred years he had
never been the loser. "Las Vegas: home of casinos and showgirls and..."
He paused in mock reverence for a moment. "...and Wayne Newton. Just
brings a bloody tear to your eye, don't it? Well, anyway, what brings
the two of you to the modern-day Gomorrah? Getting married, are you?"
    Xander paled visibly at the thought, then shook off his terror as he
remembered that Spike was the one in the big chair and he was the one
asking the questions.
    "Not anytime soon," Xander replied with mock sincerity. He pointedly
ignored Cordelia's surprised look at the idea that they might ever get
married, then continued. "What happened, man? I thought for sure you
were toast when the Buffster stormed Crawford Street."
    "Well, as you have seen before, vampires are sorta like roaches: We can
survive anything. Remember the time your bunch dropped a burning
cathedral on me?" His voice decreased to a conspiratorial whisper. "I
still owe you for that."
    "I'm terribly afraid," responded Xander with a biting sarcasm that
didn't manage to cover the fact that he really was scared of Spike.
"Come to think of it, you weren't the only one we dropped that church
on. Drusilla was there too." Spike started straight up at the mention of
Drusilla's name, then tried to cover his lapse with a bit of posturing.
"Looks like I hit a nerve. Well, Spike, what about it? Where's *your*
girl?" Spike's sullen silence was the only answer Xander received, so he
discontinued that line of questioning.
    "Okay," he started again, "let's talk about how you got away from Buffy
and why you're in Las Vegas of all places."
    "You mean she didn't tell you when she sent you after me? Kind of
sloppy of the Slayer, if you ask me. If she was going to use her friends
to hunt me down, she should have at least told you why." He shook his
head and sighed. "What's become of the forces of good these days? I tell
you, in my day..."
    "Buffy didn't send us after you," blurted out Cordelia in confusion.
"We just sort of ran into you while we were passing through..."
    "Bollocks!" interrupted Spike, finally becoming really angry. "There's
no way in Hell you could have run into me by accident! What d'you take
me for, a bleedin' idiot?!" Xander noticed that as Spike became
agitated, his accent grew ever thicker, the Cockney youth he had once
been becoming more apparent. "Why did the thrice-damned Slayerts of light
or into the mouth of deepest darkness. It can inspire deeds worthy of
saints or crimes as heinous as any devil. In the end, conscience is what
truly defines us as human, because no other animal in the world has an
internal concept of good and evil. But is that concept something that we
develop for ourselves? Or is it a product of outside forces? A
combination of the two? We may not ever know. With the right influence,
maybe even an undead monster like Spike can find integrity and honor.
    "But if a man's conscience can overrule his judgment, who are we to say
that our personal sense of conscience is the right one? I let my
internal sense of right and wrong lead me down a destructive and selfish
path once before, and I refuse to do it again. I cannot judge Spike, no
matter the evil he may have wrought, or may wreak again in the future. I
am not fit to be a judge; sometimes I think I'm barely fit to be human.
    "For a long time, I thought that Buffy's whole 'Chosen One' spiel was
just some old legend made up to justify her abilities. Maybe it is, but
it's also the truth. Whatever she, or those like her, were chosen by, it
realized that normal people don't have the capacity to deal with horrors
on a regular basis. We begin to rationalize, to judge things by our own
standards--because those are the only standards we know.
    "This journey began as a way to purge my conscience, but now I know
it's something more. I now realize that we have been guided by some
outside force, possibly the same force that has always guided Buffy as
the Slayer, possibly another, but definitely by *something else*. This
trip is no longer just about salving my feelings of guilt at betraying
my friend--though that is still a part of it--but it is now about
conscience and about perspective. The power of the Slayer is not just
physical; it is the power to be the conscience of the world, the power
to keep a bigger perspective without losing the human one. Buffy is a
powerful fighter, but her biggest strength is that she can make the
tough decisions; not all the time--the early stages of the Angel crisis
proved that--but usually. She can make hard choices and live with them.
    "But now, even she has lost perspective. And it's because of me. This
search is not about me anymore; it's about saving Buffy from me, and
from herself. It's about restoring her point of view, so that she can
continue to do what she does best: make the hard choices. I've begun to
think that maybe Buffy would be happier if we just let her stay away, if
we let her live out the rest of her life in anonymity and peace. But we
can't do that; she has a duty, and whatever force is compelling me to
find her continues to drive that point home relentlessly.
    "Or maybe it's just my conscience."
    "End journal entry for June 1, 1998."


END CHAPTER SEVEN


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com


 send you
after me?! And if she was going to break her word, why didn't she have
the nerve to come gunning for me herself?!"
    "Her word...?" murmured Xander, more to himself than to Spike.
    "That's right! We had an agreement, me an' her! I help her take down
her fallen Angel and let her Watcher escape, and she lets me an' Dru go
free. That was the agreement, anyway. And look, I know I gave her my
word that I'd leave the country, and I was on my way to do just that,
but I hit a little snag..."
    "And drank yourself into a stupor," concluded Xander. "Funny, I didn't
think that vampires could eat or drink."
    "Eat, no. Drink, yeah. None of that 'I never drink... wine...'
nonsense. As long as there's a little blood in it to fool the demon, we
can drink whatever we want. We just need more booze than humans to get
drunk, and..." He started, realizing what he was saying. "And why the
bloody devil am I telling you this! Let me go, damn it!" With that, he
began his struggles anew, though there was no hope of breaking the
bonds.
    Xander sighed and shook his head as he walked away. They were no closer
to understanding this than when they had started, and several new
questions had appeared as well. It could wait, he decided, until he and
Cordelia had gotten some sleep. But one of them would have to stay up
and watch their prisoner to make sure he didn't try anything.
    "Cordy, how are you in the sleep department?" he asked her once he had
pulled her a sufficient distance from Spike.
    "A word, mate!" Spike shouted from across the room. "Vampires have
pretty good hearing; if you really want a private conversation, you'd
best leave the room and go down the street a ways. I assure you, it
won't inconvenience me at all." He smiled crookedly. Xander frowned and
then returned to Cordelia, this time dropping all pretense of being
quiet.
    "Well," she said, understanding his reasoning, "I've slept since you
have. I'll take first watch, and you sleep in the next room." Before he
could admonish her on being careful, she added: "And don't worry about
me. I'm not about to take any chances with Spike; if anything happens,
I'll scream and stake him--or maybe the other way around, but you can be
sure that there'll be some screaming and stake-action if he gets rowdy.
I'll wake you up a few hours after dawn, okay?"
    He nodded his assent and, feeling very sleepy indeed, kissed her
goodnight. Ignoring the snide comments from Spike, he made his way to
the adjoining room, made sure not to close the door, and fell asleep on
the bed without even bothering to undress.
    Spike looked at Cordelia; she looked back at him. His stare was more
intimidating than hers, but his smile suggested nothing but merriment in
his heart. He cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth to speak.
    "You don't happen to play rummy, do you?"


Continued in next message...


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (1/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:12:44 EST

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, they belong to Joss Whedon, so=
 why
are you handcuffing me?
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me at [e-mail]


Twilight - Chapter 1

 "I would swallow my doubt
 Turn it inside out
 Find nothing but faith in nothing"
=09=09 -Inside Out, Eve 6




"You think he's gonna wake up, Willow?"
=09=09=09
=09Buffy Summers sat-or rather, tried to-on the small, hard hospital bench
underneath the window in the hospital room, nervously wringing her thin li=
ttle
hands together. She wore a hospital gown herself, having been taken in as =
a
patient because of the severity of the flu she'd caught. Her face was as p=
ale
and livid as the paisley gown; but then again, hospital lighting did nothi=
ng
for her complexion.

=09Willow sat on the other side of the room, in one of the plush, cushiony
chairs that Buffy had refused. "I don't know," Willow said quietly, lookin=
g
over to her right, where a lightly snoring Ms. Harris slept, crunched up i=
nto
an uncomfortable position in the next chair. "He's had a really bad
experience. I mean . . ." She trailed off, not wanting to continue.

=09Willow had spent most of the time behind the tall bush calming Cordelia=
, who
for some reason would just not shut up. When she finally quieted down, Wil=
low
sneaked around the bush to check on Xander, and that's when she saw him
reaching out to drink Angel's blood.

=09Willow shuddered all of the sudden. "You ok, Will?" Buffy asked, worrie=
d.
Willow just nodded yes and then stared at the still form lying on the bed
before her.

=09IV's were poked in every place possible in Xander's skin, while blood,
oxygen, and other nutrients flowed through the transparent tubes, keeping
Xander alive. He himself was still very pale, and had been in a coma for t=
wo
days, although the wound on his neck had mysteriously disappeared.

=09At first, Willow had feared he had become a vampire, but the sunshine f=
rom
the open window that streamed across Xander's face disproved that notion.
Instead, she was worried that Xander had lost too much blood to ever wake =
up
from this coma of his.

Next to her, Ms. Harris tossed in her sleep and murmured something that
sounded vaguely like she was ordering Chinese food. All Saturday and Sunda=
y
she had stayed faithfully by Willow and Buffy's side, except for an hour o=
n
Sunday when she went to pray for Xander at church, although she was not a
church-going woman.

As for Buffy-well, she blamed herself for Xander's predicament. In fact, s=
he
was blaming herself for everything that Angel was doing. She didn't dare s=
peak
of Jenny Calendar to anyone and, in her short time she was spending at the
hospital, she was faithfully guarding Xander's room at night, in case
something cared to pay their respects after visiting hours. Willow had tol=
d
Buffy repeatedly to go back to her room, get some rest so that she could g=
et
better quick, but the Slayer said that she would get better as soon as Xan=
der
came out of his coma.

"I said Shoo-Mai sauce!" Ms. Harris yelled loudly as she suddenly woke up =
from
her sleep. She looked around, embarrassed, and then busied herself with
fluffing the seat cushion she had been sitting on for the past eight hours=
.

=09"So, Buffy, Willow . . ." she got up and dusted off her suit. Lynda Har=
ris
was a prominent lawyer in Sunnydale, and the woman lived and slept in suit=
s.
"I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee . . . anybody wan=
t
something to drink? Something to eat? Anything I can get for you girls?"

=09"A-actually, you know, I think I'll go with you," Willow said, trading =
looks
between Lynda and Buffy. "I-I'm kind of hungry from being here so long. An=
d I
better call Oz, 'cause I said I would, and stuff." She gave a nervous smil=
e
and almost her reason to leave-Buffy needed to reconcile with Xander, even=
 if
Xander couldn't respond. She had so much pressure on her now: she didn't n=
eed
this too.

=09"Ok, Willow, grab me a Coke." Buffy still stared at Xander, a blank
expression on her face: a fa=E7ade for what was going on underneath. She l=
ooked
up to meet the sad, tired eyes of Lynda Harris. "I-if anything changes wit=
h
Xander, I'll get somebody to call you."

=09Lynda nodded, and before leaving the room, stepped by Willow and bent t=
o give
Xander a kiss. She matted his hair down in a loving way, and it was this
touching scene that teared-up Willow's eyes. Jordan Harris, Xander's fathe=
r,
had left Lynda and his son when he was only five years old, and Lynda had
never been close to her son since. They were like two strangers sharing on=
e
big, empty house. And now she was feeling guilty that the one thing that w=
ould
being her closer to her son would be his near-death experience.

=09"OK, I'm ready." Lynda choked back some tears and left the hospital roo=
m with
Willow's arm around her shoulders. Buffy was left alone with Xander.

=09After cracking all the knuckles she had, Buffy managed to muster up eno=
ugh
strength to move to Willow's empty chair. She scooted closer to the bed an=
d
reached for one of Xander's limp hands. She played her fingers along his p=
alm
like she was reading his fortune. Anything, to avoid talking to him.

=09"I hope you can hear me," she started in a low voice. Then she gave her=
self a
sardonic smile. "Doesn't really matter, anyway, 'cause I don't know what t=
o
say." She looked at Xander. In his sleep he looked so sweet, like a little
child asleep on Christmas Eve, just waiting to wake up early and smell the
breakfast on the stove, to rip apart the wrapping paper that covered the
presents under the Christmas tree.

=09Tears sprang to Buffy's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Xander." A tear escaped fr=
om her
eye, and she wiped it away with the back of her right hand. "I've just bee=
n
screwing up so much lately. It's all my-"

=09"Ms. Summers?" Buffy turned around sharply, to see a plump, black nurse=
 with
a big smile on her face and a big needle in her hand standing in the doorw=
ay.
She moved more into the room, and Buffy could read the nurses nametag-Cand=
y.

=09"I'm sorry to, uh, interrupt your little moment here, but Dr. Wilkinson=
 would
like to see you now in your room." Nurse Candy stressed that sentence very
much, so she wouldn't have to add that Buffy was suppose to be in her room
anyway. "Also, I'm going to need a moment alone with Mr. Harris." The nurs=
e
held up a large needle. "This might get ugly."

=09That worked. "Uh, ok," Buffy said, getting out of the chair and walking
towards the door. She gave one last look at Xander, so deathly pale and ly=
ing
still on the bed, and turned towards the nurse. "If he wakes up, have some=
body
tell me, ok? I would like to know."

=09"Ok," Nurse Candy said in the voice adults usually use to humor teens a=
nd
children. "On you go now," she shooed. Buffy quickly shut the door behind =
her.

=09Candy turned to look at Xander. She walked over to the foot of the bed =
and
glanced at her clipboard. She then compared that information to the chart
lying on the bed. Shrugging and making a "hmmf" sound, she walked over to
Xander's right, and placed her clipboard on the adjacent counter top.

=09"You know what I like about patients in coma's?" Candy said as she dabb=
ed
Xander's right arm with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. Xander didn't ans=
wer,
of course, so Candy kept chatting to herself. "You don't have to make smal=
l
talk with them."

=09 Done with the swabbing, Candy reached over for the needle. She looked =
to see
if the correct amount of liquid was inside the vile, and satisfied, held i=
t so
it barely touched Xander's skin. "It's also great that I don't have to tel=
l
them that it's only gonna hurt a lot." She smiled, and then punctured fles=
h.

=09The heart monitor raised a little in beats per second, but that was ver=
y
normal. What was not normal was that suddenly a little sound of pain escap=
ed
from Xander's lips, and then his eyes flashed wide open.

=09"Oh!" Candy, startled lost her hold on the needle and backed away, runn=
ing
smack into the counter. She watched as Xander sat up and looked groggily
around the room.

=09"What . . ." Xander looked around until his gaze rested upon his arm, w=
here
the needle, unattended, still stuck out. "Ow!" yelled Xander, his voice ri=
sing
in panic. "Please, needle, out, now!"

=09Candy ran back towards her patient and gently retracted the needle from=
 his
arm. The pained expression on Xander's face lessened, but he still looked =
at
the nurse with confusion. "Where am I?" Xander asked. "What am I-how'd I g=
et
here?"

=09Lynda and Willow chose that exact moment to enter the hospital room aga=
in. At
first, Lynda just paused, not believing what she saw, but then she dropped=
 the
tray of food that she was carrying and ran towards her son.

=09"Xander!" she cried, wrapping her arms around him. Xander just scrunche=
d his
eyebrows in he frustration of not understanding what was going on and patt=
ed
his mother lightly on the back.

=09"It's ok," he murmured soothingly, patting his mother repeatedly. This =
woman
would not let go of him, and Xander was not used to such affection from hi=
s
mother. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Willow, who smiled nervously an=
d
played with the Coke in her hands.

=09"Sweetheart, I'm so glad your back to the waking world!" Lynda finally =
let go
of her son, and Xander awkwardly sat back against his bed.

=09"Um, can anybody explain why I'm the hospital with wires hooking me up =
to a
machine?" Xander asked, a bit cross. He was never in the best mood after
waking up from a two-day long sleep.

=09"You don't remember?" Lynda asked, walking over to Nurse Candy. The nur=
se
told her something quickly and then left the room to get the doctor. Lynda
turned back to her son and said, "Well, Willow filled me in on the story.
Willow?"

=09"Um . . ." Willow cleared her throat and then gave a little cough or tw=
o.
"Um, Xander, remember, we were coming out of the Bronze when you, uh, you =
ran
into that jutting piece of the wall? By accident? Cordelia and I had to dr=
ive
you to the hospital because you were bleeding really badly . . . you know,=
 re-
mem-ber?"

=09Xander looked at Willow with raised eyebrows once more. "I'm drawing a =
blank
here-" Suddenly his eyes darkened, and his whole face hardened. "Oh, yes, =
I
remember now," he said through clenched teeth, his brown eyes like sharp
daggers. "The wall." He practically growled the last word.

=09For a moment, there was awkward silence, and then Lynda turned towards
Willow. "I don't mean to be rude, honey, but do you think that Xander and =
I
could have a moment alone? I mean, before the doctor comes?" Lynda's tone =
was
pleading.

=09"Oh, yeah, sure," Willow agreed rapidly. "I'll just go see if Buffy's i=
n her
room." She waved good-bye to Xander; since visiting hours were almost over=
;
she probably wouldn't get to see him until tomorrow, after school. "Get be=
tter
soon, ok, for me?"

=09Xander gave her a little nod but kept his dark face on. Willow left the=
 room
as fast as she could, not wanting to deal at all with Xander at the moment=
.

=09Once in the hallway, she stood outside the door, trying to remember whe=
re
Buffy's room was, because for the life of her, it had just left her mind. =
All
she could think of, all that she could see in her mind's eyes was Xander
grabbing Angel's wrist and sucking it so hungrily, getting that one good b=
ite
in before Willow managed to pry them apart . . .

=09Willow shivered and then took the left corridor. She was certain that t=
his
way was the way Buffy had come from. But then again, she could have come f=
rom
the right . . . shouldn't have Xander become a vampire?

----
----------------------------

=09Buffy sat on the edge of her hospital bed, tapping the toes of her feet
against each other in a moment of pure boredom. She wanted to be back in
Xander's room, watching over him-who knew if Angel decided to pay him a vi=
sit.
But you don't have to be there now, a voice said in her mind. It's dayligh=
t.

=09Shut up, Buffy told the voice crossly. I owe a lot to him now. And to G=
iles,
and to Jenny. But Jenny's dead, so I can't exactly protect her now, huh?

=09You're way to bitter for your own good, the voice in her mind responded=
. Then
it shut up completely, leaving Buffy all alone, and with the knowledge tha=
t
she had just carried on a conversation with a voice in her head.

=09"You're going insane, Buffy," she told herself aloud, shaking her had s=
adly.
"Yep, you're finally gonna get those pretty padded walls you always see in=
 the
movies but Mommy never let you have."

=09"Don't talk that way!" Buffy turned around to see Willow just entering =
the
room. "You're not going insane! You're just going through a lot right now.=
"

=09"You know, as much as I appreciate being loved, I wish people would sto=
p
sneaking up on me. Dr. Wilkinson just did it a few seconds ago. Oh!" She
brightened up and climbed more on to the bed, sitting Indian-style and lea=
ning
forward to talk to her best friend. "She says that I'm getting better fast=
er,
so then I can go out Slaying again, and kick Angel's ass." She said this q=
uite
defiantly, like she meant it from her heart. But Willow shaked her head sa=
dly
in disbelief.

=09"You're not ready to kill him yet," Willow said sadly. "I know it, and =
you
know it. The way you look at him, even when he's acting evil, and the way =
you
talk about him . . . you still love him Buffy."

=09Buffy's lips were pressed together tightly as Willow stated the obvious=
, but
they quivered slightly when the Slayer tried to speak. "You're right," Buf=
fy
said. "You always are."

=09"Not always," Willow said, blushing and sitting down in one of the ragg=
ed,
plush chairs, much like the ones in Xander's hospital room. She handed Buf=
fy
the Coke "Some of the times, yeah. Mostly."

=09"Well, you've got self-esteem, I'll credit you with that," Buffy said w=
ryly,
but with a smile on her face to indicate that she was only poking fun at h=
er
best friend. But Willow seemed down all the sudden.

=09"What, you get me in high spirits and then all the sudden you're the on=
e with
issues?" Buffy asked. She raised her left eyebrow. "C'mon, Will, spill the
beans. What's up?"

=09"It's about Xander . . . what happened to him." Willow was practically
speaking under her breath. "A lot more happened then Angel just sucking hi=
s
blood. Xander, he, h-he-" Willow couldn't go on.

=09"What is it, Will?" Buffy asked gently, afraid herself to know the answ=
er to
her question.

=09"It's what Xander did!" Willow wailed, losing control. "Angel drained h=
is
blood, I guess, I mean, I know, but what I saw was Xander sucking the bloo=
d
back, like, you know, a whole big sucking thing! Isn't that how they make
vampires?! And if they do, then why didn't it work on Xander, and I'm just
gonna stop my incessant babbling because I'm going to break down and cry a=
ny
minute!" And that's just what she did.

=09"Oh Will," Buffy said, standing up and hurrying over to her sensitive f=
riend.
She enveloped her into a big bear hug, and Willow hugged tightly back, cry=
ing
into Buffy's shoulders.

=09"This is weird, though," Willow managed to say, although the thin mater=
ial of
the hospital gown muffled her voice. "Maybe . . . maybe we should ask Gile=
s to
help us with this."

End of Chapter 1




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (2/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:15:33 EST

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISTRIBUTION: [e-mail]
DISCLAIMER: I haven't the money to be sued or bailed, so I list clearly that
none of these characters belong to me. I'm just (mis)using them.


Twilight - Chapter 2

    "You bleed you learn"
     -You Learn, Alanis Morissette




Giles was sitting behind the check-out counter in the school library, stamping
bar codes in some new Social Studies textbooks when he heard the swing doors,
well, swing open. He looked up, not at all surprise to see who had entered.

    "Hello Willow, Buffy," Giles said, stamping one last book and then standing
up. He walked over to the front of the counter. "Um, how is Xander?"

    "That's what we came to talk about." Buffy and Willow sat down at the table,
Buffy with a still, solemn face, and Willow wringing her hands nervously and
eyebrows that practically shot up to the heavens. Giles was instantly on alert
and stood on the other side of the table, trying to read their expressions.

    "Is Xander . . . n-not well?" Giles had never liked the Harris boy too much,
but he never wished for anything too serious to happen to him. And the last
thing Giles wanted was another victim racked up on Angel's scale.

    "He is. He's out of the coma." The two girls watched Giles sigh in relief.
"But . . ." Buffy paused here, not really wanting to go on. She herself didn't
quite believe that Willow had truly seen what she said she had seen. Xander
was not the type to do that sort of thing. If anything, he hated vampires more
than the Slayer, especially since her ex-boyfriend was Evil Vampire #1. Xander
would never intentionally do anything like that . . .

    "We, I, didn't tell you everything," Willow said, her voice breaking. "And it
might be important that, that you know so in case anything can go really bad,
you can, like, tell us it's going to happen."

    Giles was drawing a blank on what was happening to the girls. Still slightly
uneasy about looking at Buffy, he turned instead to Willow. "If I can help,
Willow, I will. But you have to tell me first."

    Buffy noticed that Giles was shying away from her, and she gave a quick
blush. She knew that it would not be as easy as Giles forgiving her just like
that, but it still felt so odd. Giles was the father figure that her real
father was missing out on being, and Buffy was feeling the way she had when
her parents had done the "we need some time off for a little while" thing.

    "Xander, he . . . he drank. I mean, Angel's blood." Willow looked down at her
lap. "Angel drained him and then gave Xander a few drops of blood before I,
uh, saved him I guess."

    Giles sat still and quiet for a moment, contemplating this information. Then,
slowly, he said, "Is Xander a vampire?"

    "No!" both Willow and Buffy shouted, leaning forward. Giles took a step or
two back, and then the girls sat back in their seats, blushing red.

    "Well, than, there's nothing to worry about," Giles said matter-of-factly.
"It seems as though Xander has not had enough of Angelus' vampire blood to be
turned into a demon himself. And," he moved towards the bookcases, "with that
said, Buffy, there is something interesting that I'd like you to see in the
Middle Age's."

    "Yeah, ok," Buffy said up and gave Willow a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"Don't worry, Will, Xander isn't going to go all wacky on us." She then went
to bury herself in the stacks with Giles, when she felt a strong hand on her
shoulder.

    Giles was holding her back. "Now wait a minute," he said softy. "I think that
you'd better rethink what you just said." He sighed. "Buffy, you remember how
you were when you came back to Sunnydale a year ago after you had been almost
killed. You were-well, I don't have to get into details, but you weren't in
the best of moods, exactly. And that may possibly-probably-be how Xander is
going to react. He's going to be changed, and you are going to have to take it
in stride." He looked back down the stairs. "That goes for you too, Willow."
Willow nodded. "Well, that said, let's go look at what I have to show you."
Giles and Buffy disappeared into the bookshelves.

    Willow got a sudden shiver up her spine, though she didn't know why. Lately,
she had begun to somewhat sense things-well, not really sense, but just a
quiet little something in the back of her mind that spoke up at certain times.
And now was one of them.

    "Hey!"

    Willow whirled around, not knowing what to expect, but surely not what she
saw. Xander stood there, books under his arm, still looking very pale and
weak. He had a little smile on his face, and he leaned on the counter for
support. His eyes seemed too large and round for his face, which had gone
surprisingly gaunt, and his lips much too red. He was still sick, but he was
here.

    "Xander!" Willow squealed, and ran into his arms. For a second Xander almost
lost his balance, but steadied himself and hugged his best friend back. "You
know, Will, I'm still a little bit sick, so give me a warning when you're
going to tackle me," he joked as Willow pulled away from him. She looked
sheepish.

    "Sorry," Willow said. Then she yelled back at the stacks. "Buffy, Giles, it's
Xander!"

    Xander looked off into the stacks, and then back at Willow. "Where's
Cordelia?" he asked. His voice was hoarse, and rasped in a sexy sort of way.
Huskily.

    "She's sick with the flu," Willow reported. "She finally caught it. Guess
that mean's she normal like the rest of us."

    "Doubt that," Xander chuckled. "Um, what's up with them?" he asked, gesturing
with his hand to the bookshelves in which Buffy and Giles had yet to appear
from. Willow shrugged.

    Just then Giles appeared, a very large and very old book in his hands. He
gave Xander a smile, although he seemed to be occupied with something else.
"Xander," Giles said, as if to affirm his presence. "I hope you're feeling
better."

    "I'm not," Xander answered truthfully, wincing at a sudden pain in his chest.
"Snyder called my mother at the hospital and demanded that I come back to
school. For some reason, my mother agreed."

    "I smell a lawsuit," Willow said cheerfully, hands clasped in front of her.
She smiled at Xander, who smiled back at her.

    "Oh," Giles said, and then he awkwardly stood there until scurrying back into
his safe shadows. Xander looked at Willow quizzically.

    "What happened to him while I was gone?"

    "Nothing much happened to anybody, really," Willow said, shrugging the
question off. "Oh, but Buffy did get the flu. She was on the floor above you,
right over your room. But she was never in there, I mean, in her room. She was
outside yours, like, guarding in case anything else came to visit."

    Xander nodded. He didn't really care what had happened or what was going to
happen to Buffy. He did care, though, that he was going to be late for first
period. "Almost time to go," he said, looking at his watch.

    Willow gave him a humorous look. "Since when do you care about being on time
for class?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

    "Since I can't wait to fall asleep. We have Mr. Brodie for first hour."
Willow rolled her eyes. "I know," Xander said. "See, even you hate his class."

    "I don't hate his class," Willow said, going back to the table and gathering
her things, shoving them into her backpack. "I just don't like the way he
teaches it. He's so dull. Really, you know, if I wasn't teaching Computer
Science, I would take over that job so that kids could have fun and learn at
the same time."

    "Willow," Xander warned as they left the room, "you just used 'fun' and
'learn' in the same sentence. I hate to break it to you, but they don't go
together at all."

----------------------------

    "And so, by the time I got to Math just now, I was like 'Thank you for the
sympathy, but enough's enough.' Teachers that I thought would just love to see
me wiped off the face of the Earth were telling me how sorry they were and,
get this, Mrs. Jacobson said she 'felt for me.' I almost keeled over laughing
there."

    Willow let out a light laugh as Xander continued the narrative of his morning
back at school. It seemed as if all the teacher's had been informed that
Xander had been a victim caught innocently in a fight between two warring
gangs. He could not get over the look on one particular teacher's face.

    "So Gabowski turns towards me, goes white as a sheet, starts praying to God
and saying 'Xander, is that really you?' 'Yes, Mr. Gabowski, live, in the
flesh, and ready to earn my D-minuses!'"

    Willow giggled as she sat down, plopping her brown lunch bag before her.
Xander rubbed her arm gently and said, "I'll be right back." He went off to
buy his lunch, leaving his books and stuff in the seat next to her.

    Willow sat there for a while just staring at her bag, then sighing happily,
she began to open it. She peeked in and instantly frowned. Yet again another
peanut butter sandwich. That was all her mother, Tara Rosenberg, ever ate, so
she figured Willow would have to follow in her footsteps.

    "Willow?"

    Oz slid into the seat next his girlfriend, dropping his backpack next to
Xander's books. He scooted his chair a comfortably close distance to her and
asked what was going on.

    "Oh! Xander came to school today," Willow said brightly. "He's getting lunch
right now." She lowered her voice and head nearer to Oz. "He doesn't look that
well, ok? So don't really say anything, ok? Even though I know you would
never."

    "'K," Oz agreed, nodding. He picked up his backpack and moved so that he was
in front of Willow instead by her side. She leaned over her peanut butter
sandwich and began a heated conversation about a hacking web site she had
found just yesterday on the Internet.

    "And I was just like, 'Wow! The CIA code!' and then I realized that I was
like, doing heavy-duty trouble-stuff so I click the little button to the
right, and then-"

    She was interrupted by a sharp, loud cry of pain that came from the lunch
line. Oz and Willow both turned around to see; it was easy because everybody
was backing away to make space. So Willow and Oz got quite a clear view of
Xander bending over his lunch tray in pain, clutching his chest like an old
man in cardiac arrest.

    "Ohmigod!" Willow said, jumping out of her chair to run towards Xander as her
best friend fell to the floor. Oz followed right after her, trying to keep up
with the frightened redhead.

    Willow dropped to the floor next to Xander, and the first thing she did was
check his pulse. It was weak-very weak-but it was there. "Get help!" she told
Oz breathlessly, and he nodded, running off to tell the nearest authority
figure.

    Meanwhile, Willow held on to Xander's wrist, and the same chill as those
countless times before creeped up her spine. The other seniors in the
lunchroom were creeping closer now. "Don't go Xander, ok?" she pleaded to him,
as if he could hear. "Don't go."

End of Chapter 2



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (0/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:09:52 EST

TITLE: Twilight (Completely and totally revised because the author is making
it go in a different direction than previously conceived)
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me at [e-mail] and tell me where it's gonna be.
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, officer, I swear!
Now on to the fic!


Twilight - Prologue

"New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pain, disgrace
The young boy learns their rule"

-The Unforgiven, Metallica




"So, where's Buffy? Isn't this slaying thing her deal?"

Cordelia Chase walked through the cemetery alongside Willow Rosenberg and
Xander Harris, clutching a small cross at her side. Her long, well-manicured
nails tapped against the wood, creating an annoying tip-tap-tip as they went
deeper into cemetery. She was rather scantily clad for such a cold night, but
seemed to not notice the brisk breeze that blew through the neighboring willow
trees. What she did notice, though, was that she was doing somebody else's
job, and that pissed her off.

Next to her, Xander rolled his eyes. "Because she's sick. She's at home, in
bed, not with us." He tossed a look at Willow, who smiled back. "Why don't you
do that, Cordelia?"

"Get sick?" Cordelia said, her face and voice registering total shock. "Ew! Do
you know how'd gross I'd look?" Her mouth snapped shut as she contemplated
what it would be like to catch the flu.

Xander and Willow looked at each other and shared a silent laugh. "Have you
guys noticed, though," Willow said, attempting some conversation, "that there
aren't that many vampires out? I mean, that's weird, right? Because we're on
the Hellmouth and everything."

"What, do you think something's up?" Xander reached inside his jacket to touch
his hidden stash of stakes for comfort. He, Willow, and Cordelia might not be
Slayers, but everybody knew the basic strategy-find, aim, plunge, party. Yeah,
he'd killed some vampires in his time.

"I don't know," Willow said, shrugging off the sudden eerie feeling she'd had.
"I mean, there should be more of them."

"They were reluctant at first, I must admit," said a voice from behind, "but I
finally convinced them to stay home. I'm so selfish. I wanted the fun all for
myself!"

The three Slayerette's whirled around in surprise at the sound of the voice.
Stake and crosses held high, they opened their eyes wide enough to see who it
was.

Angel.

Willow's blood ran hot through her veins. Here, in front of her, stood the
demon that had killed Jenny Calendar, her role model and good friend, and in
result, had dragged Giles through emotional hell.

Xander's eyes narrowed in hate. He had never liked Angel when he had a soul,
but that had been for a trivial reason-his eyes were blinded by his puppy love
towards Buffy. But he had known then and now that eventually a relationship
between and Slayer and a vampire couldn't last, though he hadn't known back
then that it would end up like this.

Cordelia's eyes widened in terror. This was dangerous! She could get killed! I
mean, he'd already taken out Ms. Calendar! Who knew who'd end up dead next!
But besides the gnawing fear in the pit of her stomach, Cordelia had to notice
that Angel looked really hot in those leather pants.

"So, are you three going to do anything, or should I just eat?" Angel
snickered. Then, without warning, he pounced on top of the nearest Slayerette-
Willow.

Willow was knocked to the ground as the large weight of the vampire fell on
top of her. Angel grabbed her arms and held them behind her head, leaving her
helpless and pinned to the ground. Willow looked up into his blazing yellow
eyes and was struck with enormous fear. Xander, Cordelia, help me . . .

"Willow!" Although those yellow eyes were filling her mind, she could still
hear Xander's shrill cry. And then the world spun as Angel held her close and
they rolled along the ground. Out of the corner of her eye, she could spot the
blur of a fast-moving stake piercing the ground.

Xander tried to pull out the stake and, realizing that it had gone too deep,
reached into his jacket for his back-ups. He looked up to see Cordelia,
horrified, looking on at the Jenga pile that was Angel and Willow. "Well, help
her, dammit!" he screamed at her, knocking her out of her reverie. Cordelia
ran as fast as she could towards the two.

Angel had a good grip on Willow's neck, holding it tightly between his thick
hands. "I'll snap you like a twig," he hissed, smiling hideously and exposing
all his pointy little teeth, his large, blood-sucking fangs the most
prominent. "Just like that teacher of yours."

At the moment, Willow didn't care if he snapped her neck, because he was
presently choking her and she was running out of air. She beat uselessly at
the sleeves of his duster, a primal urge inside her screaming for her to live.
The world was beginning to spin, this time only in her eyes. "Xander . . ."
she managed to croak out.

Angel opened his mouth to ask for her final words when something hit him on
the back of the head-hard, drawing blood. He winced and let go of Willow,
rolling away. Willow looked up and saw a very frightened Cordelia holding the
blunt end of her cross, staring at it in horror, and then staring at Angel,
who was rubbing his head and swearing loudly.

Willow scrambled to her feet and tugged on Cordelia's sleeve. "C'mon Cordelia,
let's get out of here." She turned around to run, but ran smack into someone.
She looked up, and saw it was Xander, with a determined look on his face.

"Xander! We have to get out of here now before he gets up again!" Willow
looked back at Angel, who was slowly rising to his feet. "Xander! What are you
waiting for!"

"Yeah!" Cordelia demanded. "I agree with Willow! We can get killed here!"

Xander set his jaw firmly. He pushed Willow gently out of his way. "Go on, run
and get Giles or Buffy or something. I'm gonna stay here-I gotta get something
off my mind."

"Xander, don't be crazy!" But Xander had already marched off to a waiting
Angel, who had donned a big, happy smile. Cordelia just grabbed Willow's
sleeve and they ran behind a tall pair of bushes, hiding from view.

----------------------------

"So what have you got against li'l ol' me, anyway?" Angel asked as Xander
walked towards him, stakes in hand and such an expression on his face that
made Angel want to break out laughing. "Upset about Buffy? Jealous that I got
there first? Man, you just gotta deal with your issues-"

Angel was cut off as Xander slugged him-hard-in the face. Angel growled in
pain and took a few steps backward, looking at Xander with a face gaining a
slight respect.

"Wow, guess all you need to make a runt a hero is a little motivation," Angel
laughed, his eyes sparkling. And then, in a blur, Xander was pinned to a
headstone, Angel standing triumphantly above him.

"But you need a lot more than that to beat me, my friend."

Angel snarled and immediately morphed into his game face. A thousand ways that
Angel could kill him ran through Xander's mind in an instant. Along with that
came treasured memories of friends, families, and times that he would like to
remember forever.

And then Angel sunk his fangs into his neck.

At first it hurt tremendously, for he could feel the two sharp teeth digging
under his skin, piercing the veins. Then, he felt as though everything inside
his body was suddenly pulled into his neck, as Angel's hold around him
tightened and the vampire quickly sucked his blood.

After only a few seconds, the cemetery surroundings blurred and ran into each
other like ink in water. Everything acquired a glow-y sort of look to it, and
his body began to tingle. He was left with the lightheadedness one gets when
loosing large amounts of blood. But he welcomed it; Xander welcomed it all,
because there was no more pain, just . . .

Then Xander felt the two fangs withdraw from his neck so keenly as though the
puncture wounds were mountains lined with pain. A hand gently cradled his
head, as though he were an infant, against a hard structure . . . Angel's
chest. A voice, soft yet cruel, whispered in his ear, "Xander, you're dead.
I've killed you: you're dead. Unless . . ." Angel chuckled, and the sound was
like a train roaring in his ears. "Do you want to join us, Xander? The
national polls taken just last year show us to be the fastest-growing
community in the United States . . ."

Xander heard no more. At that moment, he was incapable of making such a large
decision. The only thing that was running through is mind was the animal
instinct to survive, to not give in to death, to continue living . . . and at
that moment the only way to do that was to drink from the wrist Angel was
offering him: the wrist that dripped with the sweet blood that would give him
life once more.

A single, delicious drop of vampire blood fell on Xander's eager tongue, and
he sucked it down hungrily. At once, a fire spread through his mouth,
spreading through his body, from his head down to the very tips of his toes.
Strength surged through him once more, just from a single drop of blood.

"That was just a taste," Angel whispered, and then shoved his wrist into
Xander's mouth. Xander latched onto it hungrily, starting to suck furiously
like an infant.

Then the wrist was gone, along with his lifeline, and Xander was thrown to the
ground. A face hovered before him, and an angry, incessant voice was yelling
at him.

"How dare you! Stupid! What were you thinking!"

Nothing, really, because his brain felt like it had met a brick wall-twice.
Xander's head lolled to the side, and he stared at the face in front of him
with a blank expression. He tried to make his lips move, but his nerves were
dead. Instead, he fell into unconsciousness, away from the pain.

End of Prologue



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (3/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:18:16 EST

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail at [e-mail] for permission, 'k?
DISCLAIMER: I am a slave to teh idiot box . . . slave to the idiot box . . .
the characters you see on teh idiot box do not belong to me. 'long to Joss &
Co. I stole them.


Twilight - Chapter 3

            "We can't help but feel that something has been lost"
             -Perfect, Smashing Pumpkins




    "Dammit, am I here again?"

    Xander had just opened his eyes to see he was in a white room, lying on a
white hospital bed and with Willow sitting next to him. The first that came to
his mind was that again, he was visiting good ol' Sunnydale General.

    "Nope," Willow said, looking up from the book she was reading. Xander twisted
his neck around to see the title of the book on the bind.

    "You're still at school, in the clinic. They were gonna cart you to the
hospital, but you woke up and started mumbling about Chinese food. You slept
until what, 8:00? They gave me a key to lock the door behind me once you were
able to be up and a-walkin' again." She looked to see Xander contorting his
neck in that strange direction. "Ew, stop doing that! You're going to snap
something."

    "Doesn't hurt," Xander mumbled good-naturedly, but he straightened his neck
away. Then he gave Willow a Look, the one that her father had perfected so
long ago. "'WiccaCraft', Willow? Is that a book your father would approve of
if he knew you were bringing it to school?"

    Willow's eyes widened, well, widely. "No, no! You wouldn't dare tell him!"
Then her face got a haughty little expression on her face that Xander's mother
had perfected so long ago. "I'll have you know, Alexander, that WitchCraft is
a recognized religion in the United States and if Stacey Carson can lug her
bible around I can carry a harmless little book of magick. Do you understand?"

    "Yes, Willow Algeria Rosenberg."

    "Ah!" Willow swatted Xander lightly on the arm when he spoke her middle name.
"Don't say it aloud! You promised you'd keep it a secret!" Around the time
they were in sixth grade geography, Xander found out her middle name was a
country in Africa, and he teased her mercilessly about it as only sixth grade
boys could. So even after Xander stopped with the teasing, she was forever
horrified of her middle name.

    "Who's to stop me?" Xander asked, his mouth twisting into a little evil
smile.

    "I don't know, Xander LaVerne Harris. Remind me again?" Willow knew she'd won
when Xander groaned loudly and bounced his head against the pillow. For some
reason, that reminded her of her responsibilities.

    "Do you feel up to walking out of here yet?" Willow asked, looking at
Xander's watch. "It's 8:05 and I want to get home so that I can watch
Charmed."

    "That show? About the witch sisters? Doesn't that come on at 9:00?" Xander
asked.

    Willow shrugged. "I want to be early. Last time, I missed a whole 5 minutes.
The entire teaser! I was, like, devastated,"

    "I know," Xander laughed. "You wouldn't stop complaining about it for days."

    "Five," Willow corrected him. "Five days. And I wasn't complaining-I was
whining. They're a little bit different from each other."

    Xander was silent for a while, just staring at the ceiling. "You know, you
better move," Willow told him, putting her book away. "If Principal Snyder
comes back and sees us not gone who knows what he's gonna do. I don't even
know why he gave me the key in the first place."

    "Maybe he's growing feelings in a container somewhere," Xander suggested, and
with the ease of a young, healthy eighteen-year-old boy, rose off the bed with
no apparent difficulty and stood up.

    Willow just looked at him, completely shocked. "Wow, power-sleep," she said
aloud, and the creases in her forehead deepening. Nobody healed like this
after being totally knocked out. Besides, although Xander had gotten a rosy-
hue to his skin, he didn't look completely recovered. But he sure did act it.

    "Well, I guess I learned something new about myself today," Xander said,
shrugging and adjusting his shirt.

    "What's that?" Willow asked. Xander gave her another Look.

    "It's private."

    "Fine," Willow said in a mock-hurt voice. She crossed her arms and pouted
like she used to when they were seven and he kept stealing her collection of
My Little Ponies. "Don't tell me. I just," she sniffed, "thought we were
friends."

    Xander grinned. "C'mon," he said, looking around to find his books. "Let's go
the Bronze."

    "No way, Xander," Willow said, picking up his books, which had been lying
next to hers, and handed them over. They walked side-by-side out of the
clinic. "No matter what your miracle recovery, you are in no way up to
Bronzing. You go home to your Mom, if she's there, and rest s'more, so that
you can be at full strength for the test in Language Arts tomorrow."

    "You make too much sense, Will!" Xander said. They stopped by the school's
front doors to wait while Willow pulled out the key. "I wish sometimes you
would just be normal."

    "Normal on the Hellmouth?" Willow asked, unlocking the doors and shoving the
keys into her overall's front pocket. "You're dreaming, Xander. Wake up."

----------------------------

    "Mom? Mom! I'm home!"

    Xander had taken off his shoes in the foyer and now his bare feet attracted
the cold from the cool tile floor, sending it shivering up his spine.
Strangely, he did not feel that cold. Instead, he felt hungry, and he wasn't
about to get in trouble for using his mother's credit card for food again.
Nope, that Mexican Villa deliveryman had taught him a lesson, but his mother
had also taught him a lesson, a 5,000-dollar lesson for harassing his female
customers.

    His mother wasn't answering, so that meant one of two things. The first
option was most likely, and although Xander disliked it, Lynda Harris did it
regularly. She would go out for dinner with a "client", not come back to the
house until 7 AM in the morning when Xander was getting ready for school, and
then making up a little excuse as to why she was late. Xander already knew the
truth: both he and Willow. Gosh, they knew everything about each other.

    The second thing was that his mother was upstairs with a cigarette and a
bottle of wine, two things Xander always dreaded she would go back to sooner
or later. And if indeed it were the second choice, Xander would be going
through a hell of a night.

    "Mom?" Xander wandered into the kitchen, and found it a mess as usual. Opened
cartons of food from the local German restaurant told him all he needed to
know. His mother was upstairs, passed out on the bed. Honestly, she said
repeatedly she would kick the habit, but she had a thing for German food, and
it always got her good.

    "Oh well, a growing boy's got to eat too," Xander said, going around the
kitchen table, He glanced to see if there were any messages on the
refrigerator door, and then yanked it open. It didn't open, so he looked down
to see the obstacle.

    The obstacle was his mother's body.

    Lynda lay on the ground much like a doll that had been carelessly thrown away
by an angry toddler. Her face was white as a sheet and contorted into an
expression of pure horror and shock. Her neck was twisted sideways and the
flesh was ripped at the base, but the two, fresh bite-marks were still
visible, dripping with unsucked blood.

    Oh god no. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming!

    But no, he was awake, and his mother was dead. And he knew deep down inside
who had done it.

    "Angel," he hissed through gritted teeth. His hands balled up into fists, and
he visibly shook with anger. "I'll kill him."

----------------------------

    "Five vampires tonight I killed-can I go home already?"

    Buffy was perched atop a large headstone, and nearby Giles was making himself
and tools very comfortable on a bench. Buffy was sharpening her stake against
the rough edge of the tombstone, and slowly the stake was disappearing. Giles
looked on disapprovingly, and started to rifle through his bag for more
stakes.

    "First of all," Giles said, pulling out about five stakes and tossing one to
Buffy, "the correct way to phrase your sentence is 'I killed five vampires
tonight-may I go home?' and to answer your question, no you cannot. I will not
launch into another lecture on how this is your fate, duty, and likewise,
because I have repeated it so much that the mere thought of saying it once
again brings a sour taste to my mouth."

    "Bitter much?" Buffy asked.

    "Quite a long story."

    "Oh. Well, it's a long night." Buffy waited for him to explain himself, and
when he didn't, she sighed. She started to sharpen the stakes that Giles had
thrown to her. "I'm so bored."

    Something ran up from behind, and before Buffy could turn around and stake it
in the heart, in knocked her to the ground. Buffy, angry, did a double kick
and sent her assailant flying into the nearest tombstone. She got up quickly
and ran over to her attacker, stake held up high, ready to plunge into the
vampire's heart.

    She paused, though, and looked down confused. "Xander??" she asked, her eyes
widening. "What-?"

    She didn't have time to ask it, and Xander to answer it, because he was again
flew upon her in a rage, knocking her to the ground and this time around,
knocking the wind out of her. She looked up into his face, and she saw
hardened eyes full of hatred. Was he really this upset about what Angel had
done?

    "Xander, please, don't make me hurt you!" She held him a good ways above her,
but he grew angrier by the moment.

    "Don't make you hurt me? Don't make you hurt me! You already did, you b-h!"
He spit the last word out with anger and then punched her hard on the face,
with strength she didn't know he had.

    Then he was pulled off of her, and when the world came back into focus she
stood up and saw Xander thrashing wildly, held back only by Giles' strong
grip.

    "He did it! He did it!" Xander was screaming loudly, repeatedly. "Angel came
and killed my mother! You b-h! He's doing this to f-k with your mind, and
instead he's hurting me!" Xander stopped thrashing and his entire frame of
mind collapsed, leaving him sobbing like a baby into his hands. "He killed my
mother because you couldn't kill him. You lost someone you love and now you're
making it happen to everybody."

    Xander's words were like a slap in the face to her, although the punch was
significant imagery also. He looked up from sobbing into his hands and all the
anger and hatred were gone from his tear-filled eyes. All that was left was a
deep, infinite sadness that cut deeper into Buffy's soul than his previous
rage.

    Meanwhile, Giles stood there, in shock. Angel had claimed another victim.
"Did you call the police yet?" he asked quietly, looking at the ground.

    "No." Xander's eyes turned hard and accusing. "I came right here-blind with
rage." His voice choked up. "I had to punish the person responsible."

    "No, Xander, Buffy was not the one responsible. It was Angel. Remember that."

    Xander glared at the oblivious Watcher. "Keep imagining that if it makes you
sleep better, Giles. That doesn't cut it for me."

    Meanwhile, the accused just stood there, rubbing her swollen cheek. When had
Xander gotten so strong? "You should call the police," Buffy advised quietly.

    A single tear ran down Xander's already soaked cheek, but he cried no more.
"I'm going to. Right now. Even if it's just to get away from you." And with
that he stormed off, hands deep in pockets and with such an air around him
that not even mosquitoes would dare venture near him.

    Buffy watched him go, and then turned to Giles, who was still busy with the
ground. "You don't . . ." Buffy didn't know how quite to ask this question.
"You don't . . . think it's my fault too, do you?"

    Giles was silent, and the air around the two grew heavier. Then Giles turned
away from her and walked back to his bag, packing up all his things that he
had left lying around.

    "You can go home now," he told her quietly.

End of Chapter 3



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (4/?)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:21:57 EST

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows ([e-mail])
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me for a fic-permit
DISCLAIMER: They're not mind . . . they're Zeus', otherwise known as Joss. I
do not want to upset the gods.


Twilight - Chapter 4

            "And the nightmare rides on"
             -Behold! The Nightmare, Smashing Pumpkins





"I'm not going to school today."

    It was 3:00, and Buffy was having a nervous breakdown. Her nerves were shot
all over because she kept remembering what had happened just a few hours ago.
She couldn't believe that they thought . . . and she tried her best to think,
to know, that they were wrong.

    On the other end of the telephone line, a sleepy Willow was listening to
Buffy's laments with only half her brain. "But you have to go to school," she
said, yawning. She stretched her arms, wondering if she was going to get back
to sleep.

    "But how can I face them? Xander, Giles . . . they're hurt so bad. A-and I
don't know what to do." She knew perfectly well what to do, but every single
fiber of her being compelled her not to.

    "You have to accept that they are going through difficult times," Willow
said. She had just spent an entire hour and half listening to Xander over the
telephone at the police station, and for some reason, she was a little bit
more sympathetic towards him . . . never mind, she knew why. "They've been
hurt pretty bad Buffy . . . they're not gonna get over this easily. This is
going to take a lot of time, and they might never get over it."

    Ah, Willow. Buffy had thought she could give her a pick-me-up; instead,
Willow was just digging her deeper. "I guess I'll just avoid then both," Buffy
concluded dejected, letting the phone go slack in her hand. "No matter how
hard that would be."

    Willow yawned loudly into the phone. "For the best," she mumbled. Then, "Are
you going to get some sleep?"

    "Yeah, and you should get some too." Willow hadn't mentioned that she had
just gotten a brief 15 minutes of rest in between her two best friends' agony.
"I'll see you tomorrow." With that, Buffy hung up.

    Willow placed the phone back in the receiver and groaned. "Whatever happened
to 'Dear Abby'?" she wondered as she slid back into bed, pulling the covers
contently over her small body. She snuggled into her pillow and prayed to God
that Giles didn't suddenly have the hankering to call on her so that he could
unload his remorse.

    "Goodnight, Cow," she said, patting the beanie baby that slept on the side of
her pillow. Then she closed her eyes.

    The phone rang.

    Willow said a very nasty word she heard her father say one morning not too
long ago and threw off her covers. She stomped out of bed and yanked the phone
out of the receiver. How was she going to be able to wake up for school
tomorrow if she got no sleep?

    "Giles?" Willow asked sweetly, keeping her annoyance somewhat in check.

    "No, it's me, Xander." Willow's face went sympathetic and she sat down
tiredly on her bed. "I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow after all."

----------------------------

    Although his Aunt Janie and Uncle Todd had offered to take him in before they
could locate his father, Xander had asked them and the officials if he could
stay home for just a few more days, to be alone in the place that he would
probably never see again. They had agreed: they were nice like that. But now,
he wanted to be alone.

    He had gone straight to sleep as soon as he had gone home, flopping on the
couch and only waking up to talk to Willow and tell her what had happened.
Then he had stared at the unplugged TV, remembering how his mother had hated
it, because it never worked. Only the one in his room had worked, and since
nobody wanted to move it, Xander would have to put up with her in his room
constantly, watching LIFE and talking to all her girlfriends and clients from
work. It was one of his memories of her, one of the millions, but only one of
the few that he actually didn't mind.

    Now, the large digital clock sitting atop the TV blinked "12:00" in large,
glaring numbers. Xander's stomach rumbled hungrily, but nothing on earth could
make him ever go to that kitchen again. So instead, he reached for his
backpack, unzipped the front pack and began to munch the snacks he always kept
there.

    He was happily munching on an Oreo when he realized that it was rather bland.
He picked up the bag that it had come from and turned it over to read the
date. Still fresh, he thought. Weird. He gobbled the rest of the Oreo up
anyway, and wiped off the mess on his chin. Probably Nabisco had gotten
something screwed up along the way, leaving him with stale cookies.

    "Oh well, chocolate always has a taste," he sighed, grabbing a half-eaten
Hershey bar and peeling off the silver wrapping. He took a large bite of this
chocolatey goodness, and let the candy stuff do magick with his mouth.

    Nothing happened. It was like drinking water-just no taste. Xander frowned
and checked the date on the Hershey bar-not stale, and not even close to the
expiration date. Groaning, Xander got up and hobbled to the bathroom.

    Dutifully, he dressed his toothbrush and slowly and methodically brushed his
teeth hard. Then he used Scope three times and scraped his tongue, just
wanting to get rid of whatever was crapping up his junk food lunch, not even
caring that he was hygienically taking care of himself, an action unheard of
with teenage boys.

    Xander leaned over the sink and spit out the remaining Scope he had in his
mouth, remembering this time not to swallow it. Since the water was already
there, he splashed his face a little bit to wake himself up. Then, out of
habit, he looked up to the mirror to check out his reflection.

    And didn't see it.

    For just a moment, Xander went to turn off the faucet, but then he was so
shocked he turned it on to the highest power. He looked back up to mirror, his
heart leaping to his throat. To his great relief, his reflection was indeed
there.

    "See, Xander, your reflection's not disappearing. You're not a, not a . . ."
He couldn't say the word, but he felt an immense feeling of relief. For a
moment there he had been scared, but now-

    And then, right before his witnessing eyes, his reflection flickered, and
then faded altogether.

    Xander stood gaping in front of the mirror for quite some time, and then his
mouth just dropped five feet to the floor. He stumbled out the bathroom,
unable to keep his eyes off the mirror until it was out of his sight.

    "Shit," he whispered softly.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "So then he said 'It's purple, not blue', so Jake got so pissed off he ran
out with Maria just five seconds later against her will. This can be big."

Willow was seated at the computer with Buffy, the two females reading the
synopses of their favorite soap operas at the official web sites. Of course,
Giles thought they were searching for demon-oriented sites on the Internet,
but girls would be girls.

"Well, it is already big, but if Geoffrey would stop lying about this whole
thing than Maria could finally get together with Tim," Buffy observed. She
tapped the computer screen. "Next soap."

Willow let go of the mouse and was typing in the Internet address of All My
Children when the doors to the library burst open. Xander stormed in, and
Buffy flinched reflexively, moving behind the computer for safety.

Willow stood up and started with "Xander-" but he cut her off with a wave of
his hand.

"I can't see my reflection anymore!"

Willow and Buffy were stunned, and Giles made his appearance at the top of the
stairs. "What?" they all asked.

"I-can't-see-my-reflection," Xander spit out rapidly, starting to pace back
and forth, hands clasped tightly behind his back. "You all know what he, I,
did, and I can't see my reflection, so am I demon or what?" His voice was
rising. "I'm not in the mirror and I can't taste food! OK! What, do I grow
fangs next?!"

Giles mouth was the first to start working again. "Xander, are you on
medication?" he asked tentatively, afraid Xander was going to blow up at him.

"NO!" Xander yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. He stopped pacing for a
moment. "Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with this! I was not in the
mirror. You don't imagine that."

"Xander," Giles continued, his voice warm. "Have you seen anything else
strange that might have been the cause due to your medication?"

Xander thought about this for a moment. "Well, I kept hearing voices telling
me to eat Cap'n Crunch-but that's not the point! This is the real thing!"

"Maybe Giles is right, Xander," Willow said gently. "You could be
hallucinating that your reflection has disappeared. And maybe the medication
did something to your tongue, or you're sick with something else. You were
very weak, and you could've caught anything-"

"Is anybody listening to me?" Xander yelled, exasperated. He marched up the
stairs and passed Giles, till he stood in front of the mirror. He pointed at
it and then stared at the three other people in the library. "Come see for
yourselves!"

Willow, Buffy, and Giles hesitantly came up behind him. They stared into the
mirror.

Three out of the four people standing there were reflected in the glass.

"Oh dear," Giles said.

End of Chapter 4
once I get over my writer's block, there will be a chapter 5
feedback is so majorly wanted! good or bad! be harsh if you must!
~Shadows~



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopless Hope (4/6)
Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:25:51 EST

Title: Hopeless Hope (4/6)
Author: Meg R-C
Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first
Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the
characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB
Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for
the gang to be reunited.

    Xander and I had been talking for an hour.  Just talking, the way we used to.
He told me what had happened to everyone: my parents, his parents, Buffy's
parents, Cordelia, Miss Calender, Giles, and Angela.
    "The Anointed one thought it was an awfully good joke, turning her loved ones
into the things she hated most.  He thought that she would never stake them,
and he would have a slayer-proof army.  Or if she did stake them, he figured
it would break her, either way she would become weak enough for him to kill.
    "But she did stake them, one after another they came, and one after another
they died -- all by her own hand.  And she didn't break, she just kept
fighting harder.
    "She was seven months pregnant when she faced the Anointed One.  He had tried
to bite her womb, and that was his final mistake.  Nobody messes with the
Slayer's kids."  Xander paused to smile, "She flew into such a rage when he
tried, none of the vamps could hold her.
    "She must have taken out twenty vamps single-handedly that night -- including
the Annointed One.  In the end he was cowering at the tip of her stake, the
coward we always knew he was."  Xander finished with a satisfied smile on his
face, lost in the memory of the death of the creature that had caused him so
much pain.
    Had caused me so much pain.  I'm not a violent person, but after almost five
years of feeling the demon stirring within me I'd grown bitter.  I wish that I
had been there when that sonuvabitch turned to ash as his kingdom collapsed
aroung him.  That would have made the rest of my eternal life.
    "Willow," Xander's voice had grown quiet, and I noticed how much more tired
he had grown in the last hour.  How could I have missed that?  I should go,
let him rest.
    "Yeah?"  I couldn't tear myself away.  After almost five years I finally had
him back, and knowing that I would lose him again in a week or so, I couldn't
leave after just an hour.
    "Promise me something?"
    "Anything."  I would do anything for you Xander Harris.  I will never break
my promise, for the rest of my immortal life.  I wouldn't let him down, I
wouldn't dissapoint him again.  The day I break his promise is the day I take
a stake to my own heart.
    "Promise me you'll never leave Buffy.  No matter what she does, no matter
what she says, you'll never leave her.  If she leaves, track her down, follow
her.  Especially in sixty years or so when Hope dies.  Don't let her close up
and dissapear, because that will destroy her."
    "I promise.  But Xander," I heisitated, "Buffy won't be alive when Hope dies.
As a Slayer her life span is at most twenty-one.  Buffy is, at twenty-two, the
oldest Slayer in history."  I stopped, waiting for his reaction.
    To my surprise, he smiled.  Shaking his head, he told me, "Willow, Buffy's
immortal.  The only way for her to die is if Angel swings a sword covered in
his blood and decapitates her.  'And the Eternal Slayer shall rise, and naught
shall destroy her but the sword bearing true love's blood swung by true love's
hand', was the exact phrase the Codex used.
    Buffy was immortal.  Shock ran through me like fire.  I would never lose my
best friend, my best friend would never die!  No more worrying that she would
come home because of demons, no more worrying that this good-bye would be the
last.  Only Angel could kill her, and he never would.
    Looking down at Xander, my joy faded.  I was wrong, my best friend was dying.
While before I left Buffy and I had grown close, Xander was still my best
friend.  And he was dying, and in two weeks he would be gone.  There was no
joy in eternal life, because then you were always the one to say good-bye.
Now Buffy would have to live with her pain and sorrow over lost friends, and a
lost child forever.  For all eternity she would be damned to hear the
sickening snap as her baby's life ended.  And someday, in very few years, she
would have to say good-bye again, this time to Hope, her last remaining
daughter.  It was a cruel twist of fate that made Buffy the Slayer, and an
even crueler one that forced her to live a life of immortal pain.
    Even after all these years Xander could still read my thoughts.  "That's why
I need you to stay with her.  Just because her body is immortal, that doesn't
mean her heart is.  She doesn't let on, but I know she's taking my illness
badly, and I know that she has somehow rationalized a way to blame herself.
What I'm asking you is to keep her alive, not in body, but in mind, heart, and
soul.  She's going to crack, she keeps it all bottled up inside.  I'm asking
you to be there when she does, to pick up the peices and glue her back
together."
    I looked him straight in the eye, knowing this would be the easiest and
hardest promise I would ever make.  Buffy was my friend, and I loved her, and
she needed me.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I promise."
    And with that Alexander Harris, twenty-two year old Sunnydale resident, the
last remaining Slayerette, the man who would give everything for his friends,
and the only man I ever loved, close his eyes, and faded away to a happier
place.