Disclaimer: I am not Chris Carter, almighty creator of the X-Files. *Sigh*
Feedback: Please! Scully's writing has a very particular style to it, which I attempted to capture here. Please let me know if I succeeded.
Dedication: For Amanda ... because I miss her, her funky colored eyes, and her Marita impression. "The chickenssssss. Ah yessssss. The chickensssssss ...."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Scully: Do you know, do you have any idea what you've been through?
Mulder: Only what I see in your face.
~*~*~*~*~*~
For some reason, I am not all that surprised to be siting here by your side, writing these words as you sleep. When I buried you, I was unable to reconcile with the fact that you would never return. I kept your apartment exactly as it was when you left it. I stopped by almost every day, under the pretense of feeding your fish, although I knew that could not be the only reason. And now, three months later, I have the answer why.
I should have known something as small and petty as death would never be able to stop you.
I suppose the other reason I am not surprised by these circumstances is that in the eight years I have known you, I have spent a great deal of that time sitting in hospital rooms much like this one. You seem to have a great proclivity toward getting shot. Or perhaps it is only the X-Files that brings us here, as I seem to recall you spending a great deal of time by my bedside as well. Regardless of the reason, this is a situation we have found ourselves in more than once. I must admit this is the first time I've ever been grateful for the opportunity, as it is much better than visiting your grave as I have been doing for the past three months.
I write these words to you now, much as I wrote during my own illness some years ago. I am still unsure as to when I will show them to you, or if I will at all. But knowing you, you will probably find this before I have the chance to make that decision, so it makes little difference.
I don't think I will ever be able to put into words what this means to me. I found your lifeless body in the woods, but as I write this I am watching the screen which monitors your beating heart. I watched them lower your coffin into the earth, and today I held you in my arms. The Scully you remember would be racking her brain for a logical answer, something to explain how this could have happened. And although I am looking for those answers, and will continue to do so, something has changed. I have opened my mind to the extreme possibilities, to the fact that we are not alone, and that no medical technology on this planet can explain what has happened to you.
And this is only the beginning. So much has happened, so much has changed that it is hard for me to know where to begin. Even my body has grown and changed beyond what you remember. The life growing within me was there before I lost you, but even I did not know it at the time. How could I, when we were told that the procedure had failed? This time, these months, have been so difficult. I have imagined my child never knowing you, growing up with only stories of what you were like, the man that you were. Knowing now that you will be an active part of his or her life gives me more joy than you can possibly imagine.
If the baby is a baby at all. I try not to think about these things, as for now there is nothing that can be done. My suspicions are only that, and my instincts hard to trust with my body ravaged by the strange hormones of pregnancy. I have tried to imagine what you would say, what advice you would give. More than anything though, I just wished that you were here. Your mere presence gives me more comfort than words ever could.
Agent Doggett just peered through the window. You aren't going to like him, I know that much for sure. I didn't either, at first. But over time I grew to trust him with my life, and I hope you can learn to do the same. He is a good man, and has taken his time on the X-Files as seriously as could possibly be expected.
It seems strange to me that after all this time, the months of searching for you, that he is reluctant to come and meet you now that you are found. I suppose it is because he is still new to the X-Files. He has seen a great deal since he drew this assignment, but nothing like this Lazarus-act which is put before him now. Even I would have a hard time putting this through the sieves of logic and science.
You look like you are beginning to stir, and although it is somewhat easier to organize my thoughts and feelings on paper, there is nothing I would rather do right now than talk to you. That first moment when you opened your eyes and looked at me, I thought my heart would stop. And now I am about to have the chance to experience the miracle of your life again. You may not believe it now, but your life is a gift from God, an answer to my prayers. I can only hope that as you have helped me to see the truth about so many things, I can convince you of this one.
END
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Distribution: Oh! If it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Disclaimer: Oz and Willow do not belong to me. If they did, WAH and NMR wouldn't exist, so I wouldn't have to keep writing these alternate endings!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2: Secrets Kept
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"She's what?" Buffy said loudly, drawing stares from passing nurses and doctors. She lowered her voice slightly before continuing. "I mean, how?"
Giles shook his head as he polished he glasses. "I'm not exactly sure."
Xander shook his head. "I understand the how. I mean, we all watched that video in fifth grade, right? My question is the other how, like how did she hide it from us?"
The three friends stood outside of Willow's room in the obstetrics ward. Inside Oz sat by Willow's side, the two ex-lovers speaking in quiet tones. Buffy glanced through the window of the soundproofed door, wondering what was going on inside. "I should have known," she finally spoke. "I mean, Oz left six months ago. My best friend was at least six months pregnant and I didn't even notice."
"You can't blame yourself," Giles put a hand on the Slayer's shoulder. "None of us knew. Some women simply don't show their pregnancy as much as others."
"Yeah," Xander added. "I mean, how often have we heard about the girls who give birth at prom, and then go back out on the dance floor, and nobody knows. Besides, if anyone should have known, it was me. I've known her all my life." He picked the closest wall and gave it a good strong kick. "Ow."
Buffy looked to Giles for guidance. "So, what do we do? I mean, do we need to call Tara? Or ... or her Mom? I mean, we can't just sit here."
"I think if she wanted them here, Will would've called them herself." Xander said softly.
"For whatever reason, Willow called us," Giles added. "For now, all we can do is wait until she decides to tell us what we can do to help."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Oz sat by Willow's bed, unsure of exactly what he was supposed to be doing. As a boyfriend, or even a friend, he wanted to hold her and tell her it would be alright. But as an ex ... that made things complicated. The ex and the father. It was still a bit much to take in. So he just sat in his uncomfortable plastic chair, watching her.
"So ..." he finally spoke.
"So." Willow answered. "I ... I'm so sorry. I should have told you right away."
Oz smiled slightly. "Well, I think we've both done our fair share of hiding things from each other for our own good."
"I just ... didn't want you to feel pressured to stay, you know? You needed to make your own decision, regardless." She looked away, and the following words were barely audible. "And I needed to make mine."
This was not the right time to press on that subject, Oz knew that much. So he changed gears. "How far along?"
"Twenty-six weeks. If you do the math, that's the ... the last time that we ... you know."
Oz nodded, understanding Willow's reluctance to mention the act that led to her present condition. She never had been very comfortable with the word to begin with. Silence descended again, only to be broken by the arrival of the doctor.
"Ms. Rosenberg? I'm Doctor Haskel. And this is?"
"Oh!" Willow searched for the right words. "This is Oz. He's my ... um ... the father."
Doctor Haskel nodded. "Then I guess he should hear this as well. Ms. Rosenberg, I'm afraid that you are in labor."
Willow inhaled sharply, and without thinking took Oz's hand. Without taking his eyes of the doctor, he squeezed back.
"The good news is that you came straight in, and the earlier we get started, the better. Now there are several avenues we can take to attempt to halt the labor and carry you to full term. Our best chance is to start with drug therapy."
"Would that harm the baby?" There was terror in Willow's voice.
Doctor Haskel sighed. "There is a slim possibility. But in all reality this is the best chance your child has for survival."
Oz had tried to keep silent, something that wasn't usually that difficult for him. But at this point he felt he had to speak. There were nagging thoughts dogging him. "Can you tell us why?"
"Why is this happening to your child? There is no one answer." Doctor Haskel looked into Willow's eyes with sympathy. "There is the possibility that something is wrong with the baby, but considering the level of prenatal care you've received, I doubt that is the case. Most often there is no explanation for these occurrences. We just have to deal with them as best we can." He offered a small smile before continuing. "I'll be back shortly and we'll get started with the IV."
~But it's still a possibility~ Oz thought to himself as the doctor walked out the door. ~That this is all my fault. The wolf's fault. Again.~
~Ailie McFarland~
http://www.geocities.com/aixla/buffy.html
WILLOW: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you
don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I
mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either.
OZ: You are quite the human.
WILLOW: So I'd still, if you'd still.
OZ: I'd still. I'd *very* still.
OZ: Would it help you if I panic?
WILLOW: Yes, it'd be swell. Panic is a thing people can share in
times of crisis, and everything's really scary now, you know, and I
don't know what's going to happen and there is all sorts of things
you're supposed to get to do after high school and I was really
looking forward to doing them and now we're probably just going to
die and I'd like to feel you maybe you would ... What are you doing?
OZ: Panicing.
WILLOW: Oz...don't you love me?
OZ: My whole life, I've never loved anything else.
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------------------------------
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 08:48:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: Worlds Away <worldsaway2001@yahoo.com>
Subject: (arfic-l) Worlds Away (Part 23)
Worlds Away
By Michele Mason Bumbarger
Chapter Twenty-Three
Things were almost looking up. Almost in the sense
that Ami had found her friends and fellow Tomorrow
People, almost in the sense that marrying Adam was far
better than being stuck wed to some man she didn't
know. Almost, except for the fact that she couldn't
stop Nynie and Sephrine from fussing over her as
though they expected her to go weak-kneed and pass out
at any moment. Of course, their behavior was expected,
after the Damiar Princess tripped and nearly fell flat
on her face for all of Elspera Keep to see. Nynie and
Sephrine naturally thought she was ill, or too worked
up with the stress of the journey; and she couldn't
tell them otherwise.
What would she say? That she had tripped and stumbled
because Lord Marmion Ruele - and Ami was still having
a terrible time wrapping her mind around the idea of
Megabyte being a lord of any sort -- had been speaking
to her telepathically? She couldn't very well let them
know that Prince Adam Aldaric was one of her best
friends and her fellow Tomorrow Person, could she?
Of course not. So, that meant putting up with their
fussing, worrying, and fretting and hoping that they
grew convinced of her wellness before Nynie decided to
use her cure-all and pour a pot of moleswort tea down
Ami's throat. All things being equal, this was not how
Ami had anticipated the reunion with her friends. All
things being equal, she didn't know precisely what she
anticipated, but she knew that it did not involve
being swept off to her suite and being forced to lie
upon the couch while Nynie and Sephrine smothered her.
"Quite the first impression that you made."
"If I wanted a lecture to make me feel horrible, I
would go to my mother," Ami sat up, dodging out of the
way of the wet, and no doubt cold, cloth that Nynie
was attempting to press to her forehead. She ignored
the glare the older woman gave her, straightening her
dress. "I'm fine, now, really. No more lying down. No
more water. And no more wet cloths."
"Amideira, you really shouldn't get yourself worked
up," Sephrine cooed from her other side, smoothing
down Ami's hair.
All those times as a little girl when she had dreamed
of being a princess, she had never imagined that it
would be like this. There was only so much coddling
and doting a person could take, and Ami was fast
approaching her limit.
"I'm not --" She forced herself to pause, drawing a
deep breath and releasing it slowly. Snapping at
Sephrine would only serve to further convince them
that she was in dire need of rest and relaxation. And
Ami had no intentions of spending her first day at
Elspera Keep, her first day with Jade and Megabyte,
sound asleep because of a cup of Nynie's special brew
of moleswort tea. "I'm not worked up. I'm actually --
excited. And I don't want to spend my first day here
all cooped up."
"Well, I don't think it's a good idea for you to go
traipsing around the Keep."
Ami scowled at Nynie's back because *traipsing* around
the Keep was precisely what she had in mind to do. She
wanted to see this place, and she wanted the chance to
talk to Jade and Megabyte alone; telepathy was
wonderful, but it wouldn't do her any good to get
distracted by telepathic conversations. That would
just further convince Nynie and Sephrine that she was
a bit under the weather.
Still, she kept her voice smooth as silk, only the
fist bunching her skirts giving away her annoyance,
"The Lady Jadina did offer a tour and I thought --"
"The Lady Jadina is a child, and it would seem that
she is an uncontrollable one at that."
The scowl became a glare. If Nynie wanted to insult
Ami and make her feel like a child, then she would not
stop her, but the woman had a lot of nerve insulting
Jade. She didn't even know Jade, how could she
possibly come to any conclusion about her?
"You don't even know her, Nynie. I'm certain she's
quite nice --"
"I'm certain she is as well, but she was hardly
appropriately dressed even by Stibornan measures.
Unless I miss my guess, that was a riding habit the
girl was dressed in. And with dirt on the hems of her
skirts."
"So now you're an expert on Stibornan culture?"
"Don't take that tone with me, Amideira. Just because
we are no longer at the Sun Palace doesn't mean that I
won't take a switch to you." Nynie returned to her
side, handing her a goblet filled with a dark red
wine. "This will restore you."
Ami sniffed at the goblet. She thought that she caught
the faintest hint of some type of herb, but
thankfully, not moleswort. Still, she did not even
take a sip from the goblet. "I told you, I feel fine."
"Drink it, or there will be no tour of the Keep for
you."
Her head whipped up so suddenly that Ami thought she
would wrench her neck. "You're going to allow me to do
it? Really?"
"Sephrine and I will be with you, of course, but I'm
old, not foolish. I know you, girl. And I know that if
I don't permit you this foolish fancy, then you'll
just creep out and do it on your own anyway. Now
drink."
Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, for once
Ami did precisely as she was told.
***
The tour of the Keep proved to be the welcome
distraction and balm to her soul that Ami desperately
needed. Even with Nynie and Sephrine hovering in just
breaths behind her, their low voices, and in Nynie's
case, not so low, a constant reminder that she was not
alone, that she was still a princess, Ami felt more at
peace than she had in some time. It was more than
just being able to walk around without the presence of
guards monitoring her every step. It was more than
just the excitement of being in a new place. It was
the realization that she was home, that she had found
her way home. And for Ami, the definition of home had
changed over the last month. Home was no longer the
place you went because they couldn't throw you out.
Nor was it a place to hang your hat, as the cliche
went. Home was her friends. Wherever they were, that
was her place, too.
That wasn't to say that she didn't miss Earth or her
mother. She did, and quite desperately at times, but
just knowing that she wasn't alone, being able to hear
the guys again... Homecoming had never felt so sweet.
She glanced at the blond girl keeping pace beside her.
Jade winked, then schooled her face out of that much
missed impish grin, into a serious, more business-like
mask. The mask of Lady Jadina Ruele, one day lady of
the Keep and the wife of Lord Marmion Ruele. Marmion.
Megabyte. Jade. Jadina. The similarities were
startling and not for the first time, Ami wondered
about their counterparts, wondered what, if anything
they might share with them. She snickered quietly.
Well, in Jade and Megabyte's case, the sharing of
their counterparts had led them to the 'blissful'
state of matrimony. Highly ironic and quite amusing to
someone who knew her friends' history as well as she
did. To be honest, Ami was quite surprised that
Megabyte hadn't tried to bolt at the first
opportunity. She kept the thought to herself though,
realizing how hurtful it might seem to Jade and the
last thing she wanted was to hurt her friend's
feelings. Not when she had just found her again.
[So what do you think so far?] Jade 'pathed, even as
she continued to verbally spill out the attractions of
the Keep.
[It's beautiful. Perfect.] Ami 'pathed back
wistfully. [You have so much freedom here.]
[Freedom? You must be joking.]
[You're the Lady of this Keep, Jade, or you will be.
And you have more freedom here than I, in my role as
Damiar Princess, have had since coming here . . . in
my entire life actually.]
There was a touch of concern from her friend. [Have
things really been that terrible, Ami?]
[I suppose it's all a matter of perspective,] Ami
admitted, and gave a quick glance over her shoulder,
[Look behind us. They're always there. Following me.
Worrying about me. Telling me what I should and
shouldn't do and how I should behave. It's been à
suffocating.]
She watched as Jade made a quick and cursory glance
back at Nynie and Sephrine. [But that's part of being
a princess, right? The ladies in waiting?]
[I think that Nynie and Sephrine are so much more than
ladies in waiting,] Ami shivered slightly in the
coolness of the castle, and actually surprised herself
by pulling the veil more tightly around herself. Only
six weeks in this odd world, and she had already
become acclimated to the dry heat of Albarasque. The
warm and tepid temperatures of Stiborn felt slightly
cool to her.
[What do you mean?]
"If Her Highness is cold, we can stop our tour for
today, and retire to our rooms," Nynie called out from
behind her, causing Ami to roll her eyes.
[That's what I mean,] Ami 'pathed to Jade before
turning to look back at Nynie. "I am fine, Nynie. I
may have felt a brief chill, but it has past. And I am
enjoying the tour." She nodded to Jade and sent a
picture of herself winking, "Please continue Lady
Jadina, we meant no interruption."
"Certainly, Your Highness," Jade's lips quirked into
an almost smile at the honorific and she hurriedly
looked away, struggling to again school her face. [And
I thought that I did that well.]
[Did what well?]
[I'm only a lady, Ami, but you really are a princess.]
Ami pulled the ends of the shoufa more tightly around
here, even though this time she knew that the chill
she felt had nothing to do with the temperature of the
Keep.
And she didn't respond to Jade's remark, because oddly
