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arfic-l-digest          Monday, March 5 2001          Volume 01 : Number 008




----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 4 Mar 2001 08:50:46 -0800 (PST)
From: Worlds Away <[e-mail]>
Subject: (arfic-l) FIC: Worlds Away (17/??)

Title: Worlds Away (Part 17/??)

Author: M. Bumbarger

Email: [e-mail]

Fandom: New Series Tomorrow People

Rating: PG-13/TV-14

Summary: The Tomorrow People are swept away to a
different world, where they must take up the lives of
their alter-egos and try to find their way home . . .
which won't be easy.

Notes & Dedication: An extra special chocolately
goodness thank you to Caroline Fales for helping me
over several humps with this chapter and keeping the
story on track.

Disclaimer: The Tomorrow People (Adam Newman, Ami
Jackson, Megabyte Damon, and Jade Weston) are the
property of Roger Damon Price, Thames Television, ITV,
Tetra Television and Nickelodeon. They are used here
without permission, but not for profit. The lands,
countries, customs, deities, and original characters
are mine and mine only, springing from the depths
of my imagination and should not be used anywhere else
without my permission. Please do not repost this to
any list or archive it anywhere else without my
express permission.

Previous parts at
http://www.alternate-realities.net/worldsaway

*****


Chapter Seventeen



This was ridiculous.

As he was forced to step back and allow two
manservants to haul *another* very large wooden chest
into his bedchamber, Megabyte groaned and banged his
head softly against the bedchamber wall. There was no
place for him to go now, no where for him to escape.
The sanctity of his bedchamber had been violated in
one fell swoop by a simple suggestion from his father
and a nod and clap of the hands from his mother. No
longer his personal private refuge, but a tainted
place now covered with Zentil family heirlooms, lacy
trappings and soft, prettily woven tapestries and a
wardrobe stuffed full of frocks and frills and
dresses, all courtesy of the Lady Jadina.

Not that it was Jade's fault, or even Jade's idea that
she move into the same bedchamber with her *husband.*
Whatever else she might be, and even if she was fast
assuming her role as the lady of Elspera Keep, even
Jade was not that pretentious. However, with the
impending arrival of the entourage from Albarasque,
the entire keep was in a state of flux.

The Damia Reina, according to Lady Margot, "absolutely
positively needs her privacy. She is the ruler of that
land, we can't just have her lying about in any room.
I'm certain that you both understand the necessity of
this, and while I would never be so forward as to
presume to tell you how to live or what to do . . ."

The words had gone on and on until Megabyte had
thought that his brain would explode from boredom or
that his eyes would cross. The words that in the end,
ultimately meant that Jade was moving into his
bedchamber for the duration of the visit from the
ruling family of Albarasque.

Megabyte was really beginning to think that fate was
having a jolly good laugh at his expense.

As two more servants appeared, another tapestry
carried between them, Megabyte stopped them with an
extended arm. "What is that?"

"It is Lady Jadina's, my lord."

"I know that. But what is it? Another tapestry? Look
around men, there is no place to put another
tapestry."

"But Lady Jadina -"

"Take it back."

The two men exchanged worried glances, hesitating on
the threshold. "My lord, Lady Margot's orders were -"

"I know what my mother's orders were, but I don't
think that she meant for everyone to take her words
quite so literally. If anymore of Jad-ina's trappings
are brought in here, this will not be so much a
bedchamber as a storage room! Now take that back where
you got it from." Megabyte pointed at the next group
as well, "All of you, take it and put it back where it
came from. Enough is enough already."

"My lord, as much as this inconveniences you, this,"
one of the maidservants stepped forward, shaking an
armful of lace and silk under his nose, "is needed by
your wife, unless you wish her to run amok in the keep
wearing only her chemise."

Feeling his face flush red clear to the roots of his
hair, as the woman no doubt intended, Megabyte stepped
aside to allow entry by the women carrying more of
Jade's wardrobe. Of course, he had to wonder how and
why precisely Jade had or needed so many clothes. He
was certain that he already seen dresses stuffed in
wardrobes that Jade had yet to wear, and more than
likely, probably would never wear.

This was absolute madness.

"Where are you going with that?" Jade's voice rang out
behind him as the two men bearing the tapestry began
to head in the other direction.

The men floundered, exchanging glances, mouths working
soundlessly.

"They're putting it back in your bedchamber, Jade,"
Megabyte informed her, "There's no room for it here."

"No, they can't!" She waved her hands at the men, "You
can't. Bring that in here and put it -- over in that
corner."

[Hello? Jade? Starting to feel a little cluttered
here,] Megabyte 'pathed at her, placing his body in
the path of the men and the tapestry. "Take it back to
Lady Jadina's quarters."

"No!" Jade practically yelled at the men, then
lowering her voice, she turned her attention to
Megabyte. "Now, *Marmion,*" her eyes flashed as she
placed emphasis on his name, "your mother clearly
stated that we had to make my bedchamber comfortable
for the Damia Reina. It's to be properly decorated and
that can't be done with my tapestries all over the
walls and floors. Besides, that one was a wedding
present, don't you remember?"

[You can't possibly know that.]

[I can and I do. Now where should they put it?]

It took every ounce of willpower that Megabyte had to
not tell Jade the precise location of a very dark
place lacking in sunshine that he thought would be an
appropriate place for the tapestry in question.
Tugging on his doublet, Megabyte gave Jade the most
placating smile he could muster before turning to the
servants. "Take it down into the storage cellar. I'm
sure you'll find plenty of room for it there."

"Stop," Jade snapped. Everyone in the room, Megabyte
included froze, startled by the commanding note in her
normally gentle voice.  Eyes as cold as a winter's sea
bored into him, daring him to challenge her as she
said, "Lay it on the bed if you please and then leave.
 Lord Marmion and I have some things to discuss."

There was no hesitation in the scurrying sounds he
heard around him.  He couldn't find it in his heart to
blame them.  Had he been at the receiving end of it,
he might well have jumped too.

When the room had cleared and the door shut behind
them with an audible click, Megabyte crossed his arms,
glaring at her, "Would you like to tell me what that
was about?"

Jade smiled.  It was not a sweet or even warm smile.
"You were being an ass, Marmion.  And I didn't want to
embarrass you in public."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're making this harder than it has to be. You're
being à you're being a baby about this."

Megabyte stared at with incredulity. "I'm being a
baby?"

"Yes. Did you hear yourself? Take that back, put that
away -"

"Jade! Look around," Megabyte waved with his arms, "I
can't walk in here without stumbling over a chest or a
table or a tapestry! This place is so cluttered that à
if you were a little old lady, there would probably be
about fifteen or twenty cats prancing around. This is
not a bedchamber, this is turning into a depository!"

"This is what your mother wanted!"

"Temporarily, Jade. Until after the Damia Reina
leaves. You do understand what temporary means, right?
It doesn't mean move right in and grow roots."

"Geesh, I don't know why you're so upset by all of
this. After all, we're *married.* Most married couples
do actually share sleeping quarters, in case you
haven't been paying attention."

Megabyte snapped his mouth closed in mid-rant, his
words flying out of his head as he truly heard Jade's
words. They hit him like a bucket of ice water,
sending a chill rippling along his spine. It was true,
technically they were married, but the arrangement
between Marmion and Jadina made it easy for him to
ignore that minor technicality. Married in name only,
and it was a far less complicated way to look at the
things.

But clearly Jade didn't see things in the same manner
that he did.

"No, Jade, *we*, Megabyte and Jade, are not married.
Marmion and Jadina are married."

"Same difference," Jade shrugged. "We're Marmion and
Jadina, and does this have some kind of point?"

Megabyte resisted the urge to take her by the
shoulders and shake her until her teeth rattled. How
on earth she managed to get him so riled up so easily,
he did not begin to fathom. Once upon a time, which
seemed quite a long time ago, it had been easy to
ignore her. Once upon a time when they lived on earth
and his biggest responsibility had been to take the
dog out, Jade, while being annoying at times, had not
reached the point where his palms actually itched with
wanting to shake some sense into her. Once upon a
time, he had not dreaded that he might get a headache
from just trying to hold an extended conversation with
her.

Maybe she was right and he was wrong; maybe they
really were married. He didn't think it could be
humanly possible for any woman other than a man's wife
to cause him this much aggravation.

"Jadina, my dear wife," Megabyte grasped her gently by
the shoulders, ignoring the itching in his hands,
taking momentary enjoyment from the way her eyes
widened at his choice of words, "there is not enough
room in here for all of your stuff. Half of it stays
and the rest will have to go into storage until the
Damia Reina is gone. Pick what you absolutely can not
live without and pack the rest away, okay?

"And, by the way, you can have the bed. I'll take the
couch. End of story."

"Why can't you pack some of your stuff away? And who
says I want to sleep in your bed?"

At that moment, Megabyte decided that when he got back
to earth, he was never ever getting married. From his
very brief experience, it was a punishment far worse
than death.

The frighteningly sad part was that he was beginning
to accept it.

***

"At least she isn't sleeping in your bed," Adam reined
his horse to a halt, smirking over his shoulder at
Megabyte as the redhead rode up beside him. His friend
had arrived unexpectedly that morning, nearly causing
Adam to cut his own throat when the other teleported
in while Adam was shaving.

Adam had immediately chewed Megabyte out for actually
*teleporting* into the Palace like that, then made
arrangements to meet him out by the stables. And
finished his morning toilet while listening to
Megabyte do the precise same thing he had been doing
since they began their ride as well - rant about
having to share his bedchamber with Jade.

"Not even funny, Adam," Megabyte rode up beside him.
"That would make this about ten times worse. I've
slept with Jade and she's a cover hog."

"Is there something I should know?" Adam's eyebrows
rose.

Megabyte rolled his eyes. "No! On the boat. We shared
a room and a bed on the boat. That was more than long
enough to share anything with Jade."

"Well, she is your wife, Megabyte. It does only make
sense."

"You're enjoying this way too much, you know that?"
Megabyte glared sourly at him. "I mean, you don' t
hear me teasing you about your future bride do you?
I'm at least trying to support you in your hour of
pain. You could repay the favor."

Those words gave Adam pause. Megabyte was right, he
really didn't have the right to criticize and tease
the other for his situation when Adam had his own
*situation.* The difference being that Megabyte was
only *suffering* through marriage with Jade, while
Adam had no idea what sort of situation he would find
himself in.

"You worked it out, at least," Adam reminded him, "If
one good thing is coming out of this, you and Jade are
at the very least learning to get along. And you are
learning the fine art of compromise."

"Compromise?" Megabyte shook his head. "The room still
looks like some little old lady's living room. And I'm
going to have listen to Jade whine and complain for
the next few weeks about all the things she didn't get
to keep out. I really think that someone is playing a
big joke on me."

The path narrowed and the horses were forced to march
in single file. Megabyte and Brazar fell into step
behind Adam and Farras, and Adam switched to telepathy
so that his fellow Tomorrow Person could hear him.
[I've been thinking that since we arrived here.]

[Yeah, well, I haven't found it funny yet.]

[Me neither,] Adam threw Megabyte a smile over his
shoulder.

[You know what the scary thing is, though, pal?]

Adam brought Farras to a halt as the path widened out
before them again. This was near the place where he
had first found himself on the ground, awakened in
this different world. A short trot off the main path
and down the small incline and he would be there, in
the midst of the small copse of trees that shaded a
small clearing. His hands twitched on the reins, and
he fought the urge to lead Farras there again as he
had done so often within the first few days of
arriving here. There was nothing to see, nothing to
mark his passage into this place or the passage of the
true prince out of it. There were no clues, nothing
except the virtually undisturbed wood.

Turning his attention from the wood, Adam focused it
on Megabyte's question. [The scary part is that you're
starting to get used to it?]

Shock and surprise registered clearly on Megabyte's
face, the emotions buffeting Adam. [Yeah, how did you
know?]

[Because I know the feeling,] Adam supplied, giving
one glance back at the wooded area.

More than you could ever imagine, Megabyte.

*** End of Chapter Seventeen




=====
*********************************************
Worlds Away
http://www.alternate-realities.net/worldsaway
*********************************************

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
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------------------------------

Date: Sun, 4 Mar 2001 14:06:51 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: (arfic-l) FIC: Whispering Shades (1/1) ***NC-17***

ooh, guys, i like this, i like this!! this new dynamic with a twin of adam's
and ami getting into a relationship with him is fantastic. keep it coming!
and i have a question, what ever happened to that story with the psi corps or
something, that alternate universe, i liked that!
well, hope everyone has happy writing, and reading!
just an aside: yesterday at the massachusetts drama festival, i won the stage
manager's award! yay! first time i stage managed, and i did it! my school is
moving onto semifinals, and i  will be talking about all of this alot, so
hope nobody minds! well, see you all later,
~v

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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 18:35:06 -0500
From: "Michele Bumbarger" <[e-mail]>
Subject: (arfic-l) Beta Request

Work was very slow today. I managed to whip out a short Angel vignette
written from the POV of one of the guest characters. I was wondering if
anyone out there would be interested in doing a beta read for me.

Thanks!

********
Michele B.
Author, Archivist & Webmistress
a l t e r n a t e REALITIES Fan Fiction Archive
http://www.alternate-realities.net
********


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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 20:44:06 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: (arfic-l) Beta Request

i'll do it!
send it on michele....

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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 20:55:44 -0500
From: "Michele Bumbarger" <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: (arfic-l) Beta Request

Kewl! Thanks a bunch :-)

This is the sequel to my other only single (meaning non-crossover BtVS)
story called, "The Other Anne" and it's at the archive if you want to read
it first. Probably should read it first:

http://www.alternate-realities.net/btvs/bumbarger-anne.html

And here's the follow-up:

Title: I'm Still Anne

Author: M. Bumbarger

Email: [e-mail]

Fandom: Buffy, the Vampire Slayer/Angel: The Series

Rating: PG

Summary: Two years after the events of "Anne," Anne stops to think and
reflect. Sequel to "The Other Anne."

Spoilers: Buffy, Season Three Episode, "Anne." Mild hinted at spoilage for
Angel, Season Two Episode, "Blood Money." This story takes place in
Angel-verse before the episode, "Blood Money."

Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy Summers, Angel, Anne, and Lilah Morgan
do not belong to me. Nor does Wolfram & Hart belong to me. All are the
property of Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Tim Minear, Mutant Enemy and Fox
Productions. They used here without permission but not for profit.

****
I'm Still Anne
By M. Bumbarger


I got to thinking about her the other day. Not that I don't think about her
a lot 'cause I do. She believed in me. She trusted me. She made me believe
in myself. So, I do think about her a lot. At night, when I'm in bed, and
the shelter is mostly quiet, or when I'm just sitting by the window staring
out of it. I think about her whenever a new kid wanders in off the streets
that wants our help. Whenever there's a new face who's decided that he doesn
't want to sell drugs or she doesn't want to pimp her body or they realize
there's things out there in the dark that are just as bad as gang bangers
and crooked cops.

It's funny, but I never thought that I would think that vampires and the
things that really do go bump in the night are as bad a gang bangers, or a
kid beat beyond recognition 'cause she didn't want pay up what her pimp
thought she should or because she tried to work the wrong corner. It's all a
perspective thing, I guess. At least with vampires, you know, they get you,
one bite and you're pretty much dead. Or like them. But what I see . . .
what those kids see and live through everyday . . . hell, vampires aren't so
bad after all.

I'm making it now. I'm making it and I'm making a difference, but still I
always come back and think about her. You know, Buffy. I wonder what
happened when she went back to Sunnydale. I wonder if she actually went back
to that place. I mean, it was like she was going to, like she finally
figured out that she couldn't run and had to go back and stand her ground,
but you never know. I mean, she seemed so strong, but you never know about
people really. She seemed strong back when I called myself Lily and a bunch
of us thought that vampires would free us when all they really wanted to do
was make us dinner. She seemed strong, like she had it all together, but
then she ended up in LA, barely holding it together and trying to be
something that she wasn't. Just like me. So, maybe she wasn't as strong as
we thought.

But I kinda wonder if she ever made it back and ended up dealing with her
demons. And I wonder if she ever thinks about me, down in here in LA. I
wonder if she sometimes stops and looks around and wonders if I'm still
doing what I was doing or if I'm actually trying to pull it together.

I wonder how surprised she would be to know that I have pulled it together.
I am somebody now. People look up to me, they respect me. There's a whole
mess of kids out there - runaways and throwaways - who know that I'm here
for them if they need me. They know that they've got somewhere to go and
somebody who understands because I've been there.

But I don't think that I would be here right now, doing this if it hadn't
been for Buffy. I know I wouldn't be - I would be old and dead just like
Ricky. Or maybe cut up and beat up like Rosalie who came through last week.
Or shot dead like T-Bone for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I
definitely wouldn't be here; I wouldn't be making a difference.

That's why I kept the name Anne. I mean, officially. Went through all the
paces to change it legally and everything. Lilah Morgan at Wolfram & Hart
helped out with that - pro bono. A little bit of paperwork, and I'm really
Anne. No one knew me before I was Anne and that's a good thing - I don't
think they would have recognized me anyway.

So, here is Anne, doing good and making a difference. Doing all those things
that "Anne" did for me - leaving hope and helping out. Showing the way.

The kids love me, they thank me for helping them. They thank me for seeing
them as real people when no one else did or would or could. And it makes me
feel good inside. Two years ago, I wouldn't have thought that it was
possible to feel this good inside, to look in a mirror and be able to really
like what you see there. Two years ago, I really wouldn't have wanted to
look in a mirror.

"Anne" helped me see the light. She helped me find my way. And I don't know
if she's back to being Buffy Summers now, or if she's still running from
whatever she was running from.

But I do know one very important thing.

I'm still standing.

I'm still Anne.

*** End ***



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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 20:58:56 -0500
From: "Michele Bumbarger" <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: (arfic-l) Beta Request ** DO NOT READ FIC POSTED UNDER THIS SUBJECT LINE**

Ack, gasp! Do NOT read the story included under the above header! Repeat do
not read the story that came to the list under the subject - or read it at
your own risk. It's totally unbeta-ed and your List Mom made a mistake when
she hit her "reply" button. Sorry folks.

The very shame-faced List Mom,
Michele

- ----- Original Message -----
From: <[e-mail]>
To: <[e-mail]>
Sent: Monday, March 05, 2001 8:44 PM
Subject: Re: (arfic-l) Beta Request


i'll do it!
send it on michele....

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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 22:13:23 US/Eastern
From: [e-mail]
Subject: (arfic-l) FIC: And So It Goes (0/1)

TITLE: And So It Goes (0/1)
FANDOM(S): A Buffy, the Vampire Slayer/Gundam Wing crossover.
AUTHOR: Caroline Fales
EMAIL: [e-mail]
RATING: PG/PG13

SUMMARY:  Set in an uncertain future, the last of the Slayers is forced to take
stock.

Author's notes and disclaimer:

'And so it goes...' No longer just Billy Joel lyrics, the song has spawned a
story (though I don't use or quote the song in the least save for the title).
And I only used that because it seemed appropriate.

Before you read this fic however, you may want a few particulars. This story is
set in the Gundam Wing universe on the premise that Faith, everyone's favorite
rogue Slayer, has, by chance and fate, ended up in. This is not an alternate
universe. In this story, the Gundam Wing universe is the future of the Buffy-
verse. A future where vampires have been extinct for hundreds of years... Until
a blend of science and magic brings them back, hence the need for a Slayer, a
need that is filled by The Powers That Be (Angel reference). In this new
future, Faith finds herself with no Watcher or allies save for five ruthless
young men (to quote Cartoon Network) and one former vampire...

This story is the sequel to a longer story I've have churning in my mind, one
that explains how Faith ended up in the GW universe and the story behind the
return of the vampires. If you would like to see this prequel, please write and
say so. If I know that there's an interest there, I will work on it. However,
if I don't get any sort of feedback, I don't care how much you like this story,
I won't write the other one--why? Because I won't know that anyone cares enough
for me to write it.

On the announcement front... I finally have my own webpage.  ^_^x  Well, one
that I'm actually proud to show people (in the way of being finished and no
longer a mess). This story (and others I've written) can be found here.  At the
moment, the archive is being updated every 3 to 5 days (Right now, my page is
my baby so it's getting a lot of attention.)  Those of you who visit the page
may notice I use an alias (instead of my name like I do on this and the
TPlist).  That nick is my alias for the other mailing lists and fandoms I've
written for.  So let me assure you that Persephone didn't steal my fics (which
would be kind of pointless--stealing my own stories I mean).  Anyway, I'm
rambling.... If you're interested, check the page out.  The URL:
www.angelfire.com/id2/avalon

Disclaimer: Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (and Angel)--its characters and concepts
are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. Mobile Suit Gundam Wing is
the property of Sunrise and Bandai. No profit is being made from this story.

Special thanks and dedication:  To Chele, who's always been there.  And to
Sandra and Jessica who've proved to be just as wonderful friends as they are
beta readers.

Caroline Fales
03.05.01



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------------------------------

Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2001 22:16:22 US/Eastern
From: [e-mail]
Subject: (arfic-l) FIC: And So It Goes (1/1)

TITLE: And So It Goes (1/1)
FANDOM(S): A Buffy, the Vampire Slayer/Gundam Wing crossover.
AUTHOR: Caroline Fales
EMAIL: [e-mail]
RATING: PG/PG13

SUMMARY:  Set in an uncertain future, the last of the Slayers is forced to take
stock.

Feedback welcomed!

***

And So It Goes
A 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' / 'Gundam Wing' vignette
Caroline Fales

You know, I always used to wonder what it would be like to live in a world with
no rules.  A world where I didn't have some whiny, rabbity little Watcher
following my every move, writing down his approval--hah, more like, disapproval
of my every action.  A world where anything could go and the one rule was that
you come out of it alive.  Well, I got my wish and you know what?

I found I didn't like it very much.  Angel was right, there are rules for a
reason.

I rolled to the side, half-lifting myself up off the mat to glare at my
opponent.  "Shit, Yuy, you didn't have to throw me so hard."

Heero Yuy, former Gundam pilot and now part of my posse of vampire hunters,
shrugged.  As usual, that handsome face of his was about as expressive as a
statue.  Check that, you'd get more from the statue with a whole hell of a lot
less trouble.  Okay, that's harsh, I know it, but Heero just gets to me
sometimes.  I'm used to being able to work guys around my little finger, but
with Heero, it's the other way around.

"Angel said to simulate a combat situation," Heero replied.  "For optimal
results that means removing all restraints and checks on one's actions."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean break my damn spine," I growled.  "I'm not going
to be much good as a Slayer if I'm laid up with a broken back.  Don't be so
literal."

"Faith, Heero."  Angel's voice was nearly hoarse with warning.  I darted a
glance at the former vampire, now human.  Angel was the closest thing I had to
a Watcher these days and my only link to my former life.  My only *tenuous*
link.  'God, he looked so fragile these days,' I thought critically while
keeping one eye on Heero just in case the Perfect Soldier decided to try some
funny business.

Angel had been human for close to one hundred and fifty years now and while he
was pretty spry for an old guy, there was no denying that was what he was.
Old.  That once flawless complexion had wrinkled and withered like old paper.
He still had his hair which was more than I can say for some men his age--or
near his age. It was thin and nearly colorles,s but it was there. His eyes were
the same but at the same time they weren't.  The Angel I  had known had been
haunted and you'd seen it in those smoky dark eyes of his.  Somewhere along the
way to becoming human, Angel had come to terms with himself.  He had served his
time, atoned for his crimes, and he had found peace.  I was happy for him, but
truth be told, I was scared, too.  Angel's journey was over and he was coasting
along now.  The last thing I needed was to lose my one rock in this otherwise
Alice in Wonderland type world I now found myself in.  Of late, I'd spent more
nights than I care to think of staring at the ceiling and wondering what I was
going to do if I lost him.

More pressure I so did not need at the moment.  As if being the universe's only
Slayer wasn't enough to handle.

"He started it, Teach," I mock-whined, sticking my tongue out at Heero who
glowered in return.

"You know, the vamps aren't gonna have much to worry about at this rate," Duo
Maxwell snickered from the sidelines.  "I'm just wondering who I should put my
money down on."

"Shut up," Heero and I said at the same time.

"Duo, don't help," Angel sighed.  "Listen, you two, training is supposed to
help you fight vampires, not each other.  So why not lay off trying to kill
each other and try to make this a worthwhile exercise.  Please?"

Heero nodded while I snapped off a mock salute.  We turned back to each other
and I took a second to really look at Heero.  He's pretty damn cute when you
get down to it.  Duo is probably better looking, but there's something about
Heero.  Maybe it's just because he seems to go out of his way to ignore me and
my flirting or maybe it's just because I love those rare moments when I get a
rise out of him.  Whatever it is, I've got it bad.  Half the time I want to
kill him for being such a cold S.O.B. and the other half...  Well, the other
half wants to show him that the real fun comes after dusting the vamps when
you've got all that adreneline to burn off.

Heh, I could show him fun all right.

Ohhhh-kay, time to get my mind out of the gutter and back to business before I
land on my ass again.  Heero won't hesitate to take advantage of my distraction
and I've already got enough bruises thank you very much. So we spar for a
while, every now and then pausing to catch our breaths.  Heero and I are pretty
evenly matched.  I've got my Slayer strength and he's got his own
enhancements.  If he'd been a girl, he'd have made a damn good Slayer.

Then again, if he'd been a girl, it wouldn't be near as much fun to ogle him.

***

As much as I complain, I really don't hate all the training Angel puts me and
the guys through.  It gives me time where I don't have to think or get lost in
memories of people and things that are now about as dusted as a dead vamp.

Sometimes, I think about B and wonder how her life went.  Angel's been reticent
on the subject.  I think because it hurts him to think about her and about what
they were.  Nothing like finding the great love of your life and then losing
her over and over again.  Still, I wonder about her. If she married Riley, if
they had kids... How she died.  That sounds morbid, I know but I can't help
it.  B was little Miss Perfect, she was the Slayer with the most game points
when I knew her and just 'cause I wasn't around to play reluctant back-up
doesn't mean she just died.  B wasn't like that.  She probably went down
fighting.  At least I hope she did.  I guess I could look at the records but
something in me resists that.  'Cause that would make it real, you know?
Seeing Buffy's name and a date of death would mean that this Neverneverland is
really all I have left.  And I don't think I can deal with that yet.  It's all
I can handle dealing with Angel, watching him nod off at odd times or those
once strong hands shake as they reach for something.

I sound bitter.  I am bitter.  I didn't want this.  I didn't want to be the
Slayer but unlike B, I never saw any point to sitting back and crying about
it.  I mean, what else did I have except a future as a Denny's waitress or in a
correctional institution?  Of course, I managed to land in one of those
positions without even really trying.  I'm still atoning for that sin.  Maybe
Angel's Powers decided that sticking me behind bars wasn't punishment enough
and that's why I'm here.  I don't know.  Neither does he.  I think we both know
I'm serving out a sentence of some sort; a life sentence as it were because the
expiration date on Slayers only runs out when bite the big one.

I still haven't figured out how Heero, Duo, and the others managed to land this
gig.  From what I've heard, they're heroes, saviors of the universe and all the
jazz.  Everything should be five by five, squared away for them.  Only it
isn't.  It couldn't be if they're doing this.  And part of me is glad of that
because it means I'm not alone.  I think that may be my worst fear, dying alone
without anyone giving a damn.  It took leaving Sunnydale and three hundred
years for me to figure that out.

Oh and to top that all I've somehow managed to develop a moony, maudlin
streak.  Yay me.

There was a gentle knock at the door.  That ruled out Duo who had a tendency to
just burst on people.  I'm much the same way.  Angel says I'm just too blunt to
play around, but I think he's being polite.

"Come in."  Ever noticed when you really don't want company, that's exactly
what you get?

A blond head poked through the slit in the door.  "Miss Faith?  Are you all
right?"

I smiled, a genuine smile this time.  Quatre was so sweet and old-fashioned he
was going to give me cavities one day.  Of course what was an act for most
people, was real for him.  Quatre really was *that* sweet and old-
fashioned.  "Yeah, I'm five by five, Quatre.  Just doing a little thinkin', ya
know?"

He nodded, sliding inside the room.  "How are the bruises?"

"I'll live," I shrugged.  "I should have been paying more attention."

"Heero could have pulled his punches some," Quatre countered.

We stared at each other then started laughing.

"Spandex boy pulling his punches?" My laugh turned into a wheeze as my ribs
started aching.  "I don't think restraint has every crossed that literal,
precise mind of his."

Quatre caught my arm, steadying me as I winced.  Right now, I've got bruises on
top of my bruises and they weren't all from sparring with Heero.  Earlier in
the week, I'd stumbled onto a nest of vamps out patrolling on my own.  I
probably should have waited, returned with the guys for back up.  I mean, there
had been about thirty of them and I could have gotten killed as both Angel and
Duo railed at me when I limped back to the safehouse.  Still, the problem was
solved--vamps dead, nest torched.

"You're pushing yourself too hard," Quatre's voice was soft, his blue eyes
shining with concern.  "You need rest."

"No rest for the wicked, ya know?  There's a lot of vamps out there and only
one little old me.  Gotta take out as many of them as I can before I retire to
the Slayer pasture in the sky."

"But you don't have to do it alone," He argued.

Hmm.  Maybe that was the problem.  For all I liked their company, I was loathed
to take the boys with me on patrol.  I think because of the whole trust issue.
Namely I don't trust anyone or anything.  Except for maybe Angel.  Angel had
tried to help me once and had continued to try in spite of efforts to the
contrary made by one B Summers.  He'd believed in me when I  hadn't believed in
myself.  I appreciated that, but it was a lot to live up to.  It always had
been.

Sometimes it seems like I've been living in shadows my whole life.  Hell,
sometimes I feel like I've become those shadows, always on the periphery of
life, always having to shy away when some one turned on the light because if I
couldn't stand my own ugliness, who else could?  An ugliness I saw reflected in
every vamp I've ever killed, every demon I've ever faced.  I'm just as tainted
as they are, only I still have my soul.  That just makes everything ten times
worse.  At least the vampires have the excuse of being soulless, blood-sucking
demons.  I'm a human monster, a thinking, feeling monster with a soul that does
know right from wrong and chose wrong anyway.  What's more, I had revelled in
the chaos and destruction I'd caused.  I had enjoyed hurting Buffy and the
others, in visiting on them the same pain life had dealt me.

I'm not proud of that fact, but it's part of me.  That darkness is always going
to be part of me.  I can't erase the stain on my soul, on my humanity just by
saying I'm sorry.  Guess that's the point of my being here.  I have to atone
for what I did.  I have to try to make things better for other people even if I
can't make my own life follow suit.

That's all well and good, but what right do I have to drag other people into
this?  The guys... They deserve better than this.  Better than having to follow
my sorry ass into battle trying to save the world from legions of the undead.
They've spilled so much of their blood to help people already.  Don't they
deserve a break?

"Don't you get tired of it, Quatre?" I asked him,  "Tired of all the killing
and the fighting and the fear?  Don't you ever just wish you could close your
eyes and ... rest?"

Those blue-green eyes darkened to a haunted shade, staring beyond the wall
where his gaze rested.  "More than you'll know," he replied, his voice quiet.
Then his face creased with some sort of knowing sadness. "I thought when the
war ended, I'd be free.  Only it wasn't like that.  We were free, but we didn't
have a purpose."

He turned towards me, taking my hand. "We were brought up to be soldiers,
Faith.  For some of us, like Heero, that's all we ever had.  And when that
purpose was taken away, I think we all felt lost.  And then you came and you
had a purpose. *You* gave us a purpose. You were like us, chosen to bear
everyone else's sins because no one else could or would.  And you were like us
because you didn't have a choice.  You were what you had been made."

I felt a chill ripple up my skin at his words, at how close to home they hit.
Maybe that was why I couldn't send the guys away.  They understood me as no one
else except Angel ever had.  Because they were like me; because we had been
broken and shaped into something beyond our control.  We had bleed and we were
still bleeding but we couldn't ignore the suffering we saw around us.  Peace
was for other people, bought by our tears, our torn bodies.  We could never
enjoy those fruits because it wasn't in our nature to be that way.

My throat was hurting as I sat there staring at him, his kind eyes so warm and
understanding in spite of everything that had been done to him.  If I'd had
Quatre's strength of spirit, I would never have tried to hurt Buffy or Angel.
I would never have tried to destroy a town just for the sake of my ego.  If,
if, if... That was all my life was, one long series of roads not taken, exits
missed.

Quatre shook his head as if he knew what I was thinking, reaching over and
drawing me into a hug.  Now, normally, I'm not the hugger-type, but feeling
like this and this being Quatre... Well, pulling away would have been like
pulling away from a teddy bear.  I gripped him tightly, feeling silent tears
leak out of the corners of my eyes and for once, I let them fall.  Let the
bodies, let the past fall where it would.  They were demons I would fight again
and again, but tonight, for now, all I wanted was an absolution.  A respite
from the pain and the fear...from being a Slayer.  All I wanted was to be a
girl, having a good cry on a friend's shoulder.  I wanted something small,
something normal.

And for once, just once, that was exactly what I got.

***end

Comments?

Persephone



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