The problem is that difficult children provoke ineffective discipline. Their behavior is often bewildering to the parents, who then become more and more tentative in their response. What should the parent do? The messages the child is giving out are ambiguous; there seems to be no reason for the child’s behavior. The parent then looks for motives in an effort to understand what is going on. Often this leads to a descent to the child’s level, to a power struggle that no one wins. The parent ends up feeling victimized, exhausted, and incapable of coping. On to the next round.
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You are trying here to interfere with your customary gut responses to your child. Therefore, stop to think, and hold back from your previous automatic responses to his behavior: the immediate “no,” the threats, the screaming. Try to disengage your feelings from this process and replace them with the attitude of a professor studying his subject. Aim for as cool an attitude of detachment as you can manage.
