linuxmafia.com 2016/linuxmafia.com.tar/linuxmafia.com/pub/jordan/PLOT-CONTESTS/two-rivers.txt

Text File | 1995-04-27 | 39KB | 812 lines

This contains the entries submitted for the "Plot What Happened in the Two
Rivers in The Fires of Heaven Contest" held on rec.arts.sf.written after TFoH
was released, and everybody complained because Perrin and Faile weren't in
the book.  At the Third Darkfriend Social, we decided it might be nice to
repost these for the newer people who weren't around for the contest. Special
thanks to Erica Sadun for coordinating the contest.


******************************************************************************

            The Board of Trustees of the
               JORDAN FAQ ASSOCIATION
                  proudly present

                  V A R I O U S   P L O T S

                         F O R

                  T H E   M I S S I N G   B I T S

                         O F

          T H E    F I R E S   O F   H E A V E N

******************************************************************************

The catorgories:
             * Most Plausible
             * Most Novel
             * Most Humorous
             * Best >Overt< Scenes between Faile and Perrin

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
            HERE ARE THE PLOTS!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Captain Commander Hillyard (aka SEH)]
|\// Submission 1   \//|    [Winner: First Place, Most Humorous]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|    [Winner: Second Place, Most Novel]
========================

Welcome to the 6:00 news.

In local news, this is election day.  If you haven't voted yet, please
do.  Exit polls put Mayor al'Vere ahead with 60% of the vote in his bid
for a fifth term.  Although there have been allegations of an underhanded
strategy to help limit the Coplin vote.

Proposition one is too close to call.  In order to help the undecideds
here's Haral Luhan and Cenn Buie in point/counterpoint.  Cenn.

Proposition one is needed badly.  Emond's Field is the only village
in the Two Rivers without any zoning laws, and look what it has gotten
us.  A large eyesore of a manor built near the historic village green
(by the way, the historic preservation society's attempt to block the
building with an injuction is going smoothly so far.), that building is
a menace.  Perrin is a menace.  Why we've have three children bit
by wolves in the last month.  They think just because Perrin can talk
to wolves that they can too, somebody ought to sue.  Why he should...

Thank you Cenn.  Haral.

Proposition one is about three things.  Jobs, jobs, jobs.  What with those
ill directed anti-smoking ordinances and the Wisdom Generals wool headed
warning against tabac.  Our exports have gone into the chamber pot.  Not to
mention the beating the wool industry has been taking due to synthetics, and
imports of Aiel (the darkfriends) koton.  Emond's Field needs the industry
that will be brought in by its comparitive advantage in cheap comercial land.

Very good.  Now here's Daise with the weather.

Well, I'm sorry to say that the wind has been mighty shy lately and hasn't
said exactly when the drought will end.  Do buck up though.  Winter will
be mild.

Thank you Wisdom, now a word from our sponsor.

Mat Cauthon, you just killed the insane leader of half a million rampaging
black veiled Aiel.  What are you going to do now.
I'm going to Valan Luca's.

Now to sports.  Tam al'Thor again won the longbow competition.  Although
there have been some allegations.  Here's master Coplin.
Nobody can shoot that well without One Poweroids, and just look at his son.
There is no doubt about it.  He's juiced.  His medals should be stripped.

In other news, the trial of Padan Fain has come to a close.  Despite
many eyewitnesses and a video tape showing him torturing and killing
two Tinkers, the jury apparently bought the prosecutions arguement that
he was swept up in mob mentality due to his association with the
Whitecloaks, and therefore was only sentenced to a slap on the wrist,
abiet by Alsbet Luhhan.

Finally, this station has been assured by the White Tower that rumors
of the Dark One breaking free have been greatly exagerated, and if
he does get out, the Tower will be able to take care of it if only
RALFTA (RAndLand Free Trade Agreement) is ratified.

========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Tony Ivan Zbaraschuk (aka Tony Z.)]
|\// Submission 2   \//|    [Winner: Second Place, Most Plausible]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================
What Happened In the Two Rivers While the Fires of Heaven Fell


     There is some difficulty getting the Whitecloaks out at first.
Eventually they leave, swearing to return and get even with "that
Darkfriend."  A few, the paths of their lives turned by Perrin's
_ta'veren_ness and seeing Aes Sedai fighting hard to protect innocents
from Trollocs, stay behind to join Lord Perrin Goldeneyes' army.
     Verin and Alanna spend about a third of their time hanging around
Perrin, dropping mysterious hints, trying to get him to do something,
and generally fueling the fires of the Great 'Who's Black?' Flamewar.
Another third of their time is spent in locating girls who can use the
One Power and training them to channel.  This causes some severe
friction, but the Aes Sedai override all problems.  The last third is
spent helping get rid of Trollocs.
     Perrin spends his nights having mad passionate sex with Faile.  He
spends his days trying to get people to call him anything besides "Lord
Perrin."  He doesn't notice that towards the end of the second month of
their marriage, Faile starts getting increasingly nauseous in the
morning.
     Tam al'Thor, still unaware that Rand can channel (hey, we need to
save something for Book VI: The Unstilling of Logain), spends his time
training the Companions and other recruits of Lord Perrin's army, joined
by the Warders.  They finish cleaning the Trollocs out of the Two Rivers.
     Chiad teaches Gaul to sing.  Bain and Chiad go on long scouting
trips with Wil al'Seen, for unknown reasons, and always come back
smiling.
     Loial is increasingly beset by longings for a Stedding, any
Stedding, but never quite gets around to asking Verin where the nearest
one is.  Instead, he spends his time getting his notes in order and
wondering when his mother will arrive in the Two Rivers.
     Slayer heads back to Shayol Ghul for healing, more instructions,
and a set of wolf-traps.
     Rumors of someone named "Ren" drawing the Sword That Cannot Be
Touched in Tear reach the Two Rivers.  Tam al'Thor does not connect this
with Rand, but Perrin starts wondering what he's going to do when a
messenger with the truth arrives.



========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Mark Looi]
|\// Submission 3   \//|
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================

What happened in the Two Rivers
-------------------------------

With Padan Fain gone to the White Tower, the intensity of the Trolloc
attacks drop off.  The occasional raid or two is easily handled by the
battle-ready Two Rivers men.

The Tinkers leave, still searching for the song.  Aram remains behind,
having been cast out from the Tinkers.

In the aftermath of a victory over the Trollocs and the Whitecloaks,
the Two Rivers villagers herald Lord Perrin as the new King of
Manetheren, much to his dismay.  They insist on building a huge palace
(or what a Two Rivers inhabitant views to be a palace) for King Perrin
and Queen Faile (more ironic foreshadowing here).

Word of the deposing of Siuan Sanche reaches the Two Rivers, and the
call for all sisters to return to the Tower is heard.  Alanna Sedai
returns to the Tower, while Verin remains behind, muttering about
not having finished what she set out to do.

Perrin learns more about talking with wolves, and tries to hunt Slayer
in the wolf dream.  Lord Luc has fled to the Mountains of Mist, but
still returns to the Two Rivers in dreams, taunting Perrin.  Everything
in the wolf dream seems to point to the Tower of Ghenjei being somehow
important.

Faile learns she is pregnant, and starts having strange dreams of
archers and bows and Birgette.


========================    [Jeffrey Scott Raglin]
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Winner: First Place, Most Plausible]
|\// Submission 4   \//|    [Winner: First Place, Most Novel]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|    [Winner: Third Place, Best Scenes]
========================

            The Fires of Heaven :  Chapter 27 1/2

                New Threats and Old Empires

    The upstairs bedroom of the Winespring Inn was silent but for the
soft murmur of Perrin's breath.  Silent, and empty but for him and Faile.
He lay awake, patiently waiting for his wife to come to consciousness.
    A knocking came on the door.  Perrin sprung from the bed, hastily
grasping a cloak with which to wrap himself.  The door opened before he
could reach it to answer.  Behind the door stood a white-haired man Perrin
barely recognized... Jerinvar Barstere, and behind that man was Aram.
Before the mayor of watch hill could speak, Aram interjected "I tried to
stop him, but he would not listen to reason"
    "Lord Perrin Goldeneyes," said Jerinvar "The collected Womens'
Circles of the Two Rivers await your presence."
    /I should have known./  "I will be down shortly, then."  /Only for
Women's Circle business would anyone be so rude./  Perrin turned to Faile,
now half-awake.  "Return to sleep, beautiful woman.  I will be dismissing
this 'Lord Perrin' business once and for all."
    "I will do no such thing."  snapped Faile indignantly.  "If this
is the business of the women of Two Rivers, then it is my business as
well.  Now-"  She stared directly at the two intruders, "Leave us be.  Or
perhaps you were wanting to catch a glimpse of my body...?"  Jerinvar and
Aram became suddenly aware that Faile was covered only by the bedsheet,
and left, abashed.
    On his way to the village square, Perrin and Faile were
intercepted by Loial.  The huge Oiger seemed anxious to impart some news,
and...Perrin was not sure, but he thought he sensed something else.  "Yes,
friend Loial?  What news do you bring?"
    "Friend Perrin, much has happened in these weeks in which you have
been celebrating your marriage.  Not that I would begrudge you your time
with your wife, but I merely mean to say that there are things which you
should know before you meet with the Circles."
    "And what things are these?"
    "Refugees have been arriving in the north, from Saldaea.  These
men have met with those who fled Taren Ferry, but it is said they would
rather face an army of Trollocs than return to Saldaea."
    "What is it that they fear so?"
    "They say that the Dragon Reborn has raised troops in that land,
and has been razing villages that oppose him, taking no prisoners.  He is
said to channel himself, and have Aes Sedai that follow his will.  Perrin,
Rand is your dear friend and mine, but if the taint on Saidin-"
    "What else, Loial?"
    "There is trouble among the tinkers.  Many among their number have
renounced the way of the leaf and now follow Aram's word.  And there is
more.  When Aram last made his way into the tinker camp to spread his way,
Raen struck him with his open fist."
    "Raen?  I find that hard to believe."
    "He was on his knees, pentinent afterwards, but he has since been
a broken man.  Beware of Aram, friend Perrin.  He brings change to this
best left alone."
    "Is that all the news, then?"
    "There is one other thing, that I would speak of privately."
Loial took Perrin aside.  "I have begun to feel the Longing, friend Perrin."
    "Then you should not be wasting time talking.  You should make
your way to a Stedding, forthright."
    "It is not...overpowering, yet.  I can hold out for some time,
Perrin.  I will not abandon you yet.  Go now, the Womens Circle awaits."
    Perrin reluctantly returned to the path, down to where the Womens
Circles had met.  Daise Congar seemed to be in charge; it was she who
greeted Perrin.
    "Welcome, Perrin and Faile Abyara.  We of the collected Womens
Circles of Emonds Field, Deven Ride and Watch Hill has decided that you
shall henceforth be Lord of New Manetheren."
    "No."  spoke Perrin in a clear voice.  "Manetheren is a dead
nation.  It's blood runs in use, and we should be prideful of that, but
were are not it.  This is the Two Rivers."
    Then women seemed to nod, collectively.  "So be it, Lord Perrin
Goldeneyes of Two Rivers.  Construction will begin immediately on a manor
to house our new lord."
    Before Perrin could utter another word of protestation, the circle
dissolved, each going in a seperate direction.  Verin saw Perrin's
consternation, smiled enigmatically, and said "Ta'verin."
    Perrin turned on her and snapped  "What had you to do with this?
As what of Aes Sedai in Saldaea?"
    "So you have heard of that as well?  I know not what those do, but
I have learned distressing news.  Siuan Sanche has been deposed as Amyrlyn
seat."
    "Deposed?  For what?"
    "I have not heard.  Know this: you should trust no other Aes
Sedai-not even your precious Moiraine.  All may betray you."
    "I don't trust you, either, Aes Sedai." said Perrin, leaving.  Now
where had Faile gone off to?
    "Perhaps that, too, is wise", said Verin in a voice Perrin thought
so low he could not tell if he was intended to hear it.  He caught site of
Faile again: she had gathered two horses.
    "What is this,Faile?  You wish to have a race?"
    Faile smiled.  "In a manner of speaking.  We ride now to Saldaea."
    "Saldaea?  Why in the name of the Light would we go to Saldaea?"
    "I will not sit by while your friend destroys my nation.  Besides,
with your being now a Lord, I can introduce you to my father.  I am on my
way, and I will have a husband to present if I need abduct some poor
villiage fool along the way."
    Faile started her horse off in a gallop, then slowed a bit before
long.  Perrin sighed.  Even married to one, he did not understand women.
Mat never had any problem controling girls, and everyone always seemed to
make silly eyes over Rand.  He wished they were here.  Or even...Lan.
That stony-faced warder understood women well enough to avoid them, and
Perrin was sure that was wisdom indeed.  He mounted the horse and set of
for Saldaea.

========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [[e-mail] (???)]
|\// Submission 5   \//|
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================

Manetheran rises again!!!

It was the start of a new day, Perrin rose quietly from the bed, careful not
to disturb his newly wedded bride.  Faile's head was snuggled tightly against
a pillow, a perpetual grin on her face as she dreamt of the night that just
passed.  Perrin himself looked back fondly at the night's activity, his gaze
resting on Faile's wildly disheveled hair.  Light, she is beautiful
and she is all mine, Perrin thought to himself.

Outside, the sun shone brightly onto a village that had seen better days.
The scars of the battle fought just a day ago were evident in the burnt
houses and piles of ashes where Trolloc bodies had blazed the night sky.
Perrin sauntered through the village, lording over his minions, his yellow
eyes gleaming in the morning sun.  Shouts of Perrin Goldeneyes rang
throughout the village and people came up to him, unsure whether to bow or to
clap him on the back, so they did both.  A crowd started to gather round him
and Aram, the lost Tinker appeared beside him, ready to follow him into the
depths of Shayol Ghul itself.  Aram, with sword hanging on his side as if it
belonged there, fell to his knees.

"The Light shine on us, Manetheran has risen again Lord Perrin", Aram's eyes
were full of fervent worship, Aram, the one who had hated him with a passion
when Perrin first met him.  Aram, the one who would now cut his own hand
off if it offended Perrin.  Following Aram's example, the crowd all
knelt and yelled as one "Taishar, Manetheran".  Long live Manetheran.


The truth of Lord Luc

The floor of the Winespring Inn was littered with the injured and dying.
Alanna Sedai flitted from person to person healing those that were on
the verge of death, and frowning at others.  Ivhon and Tomas were both
there playing Stone Paper and Scissor.  They argued furiously over a
particular outcome of the game (My paper beats your stone.  No it doesn't,
my stone has really, really sharp edges forged by the one power).  Perrin
nodded his head, those Warders are pretty stupid, he thought to himself as
he walked into a room that held a captive Lord Luc.  Inside the room,
Lord Luc was lying on the bed with a bandage circling his chest.  Verin and
Faile were also there, both with frowns on their faces.

"What are you doing here with that darkfriend", Perrin exclaimed.

"What do you mean, how could you call him such after what he has done..."
Faile's words trailed off as Verin's hands touched her shoulder.

"I do believe Perrin is correct", Verin Sedai said "Lord Luc is one who
walks in the shadow, Lord Luc is Isam".  Puzzlement came over Perrin's face
but Lord Luc gasped as he struggled to get up, the OP holding him down with
bonds of air.  "He is your Slayer of the Wolf dreams, or what is known
as Tel'aran'rhiod".

After much torture, including the tickle of the feet torture, Lord Luc broke
down and admitted to everything.  "My god, I met Isam in the high passes
where we fought for a whole day, he bested me and he brought me to Shayol
Ghul where thirteen Myrdraal bonded us together.  I had many experiences
there that were... frightening.  While there, Isam was transported to the
to the Dream world because he was too recognizable in the Borderlands.  We
were then told to capture Aiel warriors, especially the ones who could
channel.  It was then that a band of Aiel happened upon us. Haha, it
was very strange, one of them just stood there as I sliced him up.  As the
Aiel scattered, we captured many of them and brought them to Shayol Ghul to
turn them to the dark.  Some of them swore oaths to the Great Lord and the
others are held captive until we can get thirteen BA to turn them to the
dark".  With that, Lord Luc started to gasp and clutch his side, where an
invisible wound ailed him.  "Oh no, Isam is dead, I must live!  The renegade
is still alive, I must kill him.  I can no longer hold it in.", with that,
he farted, collapsed and died.



The Palace

They shuffled out of the room stunned from what Luc had said, but also from
that nasty methane smell.  Both Ivhon and Tomas looked up from
their game of dice where they had been pitifully beaten by Loial time after
time.  Loial had a stack of coins in front of him and was the proud new
owner of two shifting cloaks.

Perrin and Faile stumbled out the Inn with Loial following them out.

"Perrin, they have asked me to sing wood for them", Loial said happily.

"That is great Loial, who asked you and why?", Faile said before Perrin
could open his mouth.

Greatly enthused, Loial said "The villagers have asked me to build
a palace, the new palace of Manetheran, they want me to plant a grove here
Perrin.  Did you here that, a grove! It will be the best, better than the
one that used to be here, the palace will be made of sung wood and will
be grand, with the grove beside it".

"Whoa, hold Loial, a palace?  For who?", Perrin knew what Loial was going
to say, his stomach had a sinking feeling.

"For Lord Perrin Goldeneyes", Tam said as he slid in from behind Perrin.
"The people want no other, and I for one want no other as well".

I should have stamped out that lord nonsense harder, Perrin thought, but hey
I get a awesome new house!



The Tinkers

The tinkers were readying themselves among the wagons, ready to leave once
again.  Perrin strode into the centre of the wagon camp where Raen and Ila
were packing up.  Aram, with his troubled eyes, was just a pace behind
Perrin.

"Get out, we do not want you!", Ila cried, eyeing the sword that Aram carried
she said "You are lost! Lost! Lost!  You have given up the Way of the Leaf",
with that, she turned, fell flat on her face as her legs got tangled up and
fled into a wagon.

"I am sorry about what happened Perrin, the wheel weaves as the wheel will
but we mourn for our families as well as our lost ones", Raen looked at
Aram when he said that.  "You will be welcome into the wagons again once you
are ready to join the Way of the Leaf again, Aram".  Aram, with tears
brimming his eyes, ran to Raen, tripped and fell, got up and ran to hug Raen.

"They killed my mother, I could have stopped them.  I do not think I will
be able to follow the Way of the Leaf again, not after what I did", Aram
sobbed.

"Everyone is welcome in the wagons, even Perrin, when he chooses to give up
the axe", with that Raen saluted them, gave them the farewell speech, walked
back to his wagon.  Perrin watched Raen leave, watched him stumble a couple
of times and smash his knee into the side of the wagon.  These people are
clumsy, Perrin thought, they would never make good warriors, haha, tinkers
as warriors?  Perrin almost pissed his pants at this funny thought.

A small group of tinkers approached them.

"We wish to stay and learn to fight, like Aram".  Aram nodded his head and
said "You give up the Way of the Leaf, you will be banished from the wagons,
are you prepared for this?", they all nodded in unison, though some edged
back a step before firming up their resolve.

"We are prepared, we are ready, we will kill and be killed", one of them
picked up a spear.  With this, they could be magnificent warriors, even
beating those with swords, they could take over the world...


A Messenger from Caemlyn

A horn blasted throughout the village, people rushed out to see what was
happening.  In the centre of the village square, a weary messenger sat upon
horse.  He waited until enough people filed into the square, then he unrolled
a parchment, cleared his throught, then he read "The Queen of Andor, Queen
Morgase is dead.  Long live the new king, long live King Gaebril", with that
he rode out of the village leaving behind a stunned crowd.

"Morgase is dead.  Gaebril is now king.", Tam muttered to himself as if it
did not really matter to him.

"We must do something", Perrin said.

"Why?", Abell asked, "Andor has a king, there is nothing to do".

"Gaebril is Ravhin the Cho... uh.. Forsaken", Verin stuttered.  Alanna was
staring at Verin strangely.

Perrin also stared at Verin, then at Alanna, Alanna returned his stare with
an admiring glance "We must despose Ravhin, we can do it!", with that he
jumped onto his horse and galloped a couple of steps before realizing that
everyone was staring at him.  "Come on, move your lazy bones, we got a city
to conquer and a Forsaken to kill!".

End of the book.

What happens after (a short summary)

Perrin and the Two Rivers army goes to Caemlyn but while journeying there
they run into Mazrim Taim, who is chained up by Black Ajah.  A small force
led by the two Aes Sedai and the Aiel break him free and they kill all the
Black Ajah.  Mazrim is again chained, but this time by the two AS in Perrin's
company.  They arrive at Caemlyn to find that the Dragon Reborn with his army
of Aiel took over the city already.  Gaul, Chiad, and Bain rejoice and meet
up with their people and Tam finds out that his son is the Dragon Reborn
(Tam walks up to an Aiel, hi he says, my name is Tam Al'Thor.  The aiel
replies, I know an Al'Thor, do you know a Rand from the Two Rivers, he's my
hero, and by the way, he's the DR).

Mazrim is freed and becomes the second of the new 100 Companions.

Faile and Perrin meet up with Davram, who is stunned when he finds
that his daughter is happily married to some wolf guy.


[Entry 6 was a duplicate of Entry 2]

========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Don Harlow]
|\// Submission 7   \//|    [Winner: First Place, Best Scenes]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|    [Winner: Second Place, Most Humorous]
========================

After the 2,132d bout of newlywed lovemaking, Faile sat back with her
head leaning against the oak headboard of the Winespring Inn's most
expensive newlywed suite. Idly, she used a _striker_ to light up a
_sigret_ and puffed at it, thinking about how lucky it had been that an
indigent Illuminatrix named Aludra had passed through the Two
Rivers on her way to join a menagerie in Amadicia and had shown the
people here how to wrap unsold tabac in a piece of paperbark bark and
smoke it without a pipe.

Especially lucky, since no merchants had come to the Two Rivers this
year to buy the bumper tabac crop. It had gotten to the point at which a
delegation of farmers had broken into their room during their 1,717th
bout and demanded that Lord Goldeneyes send a deputation to
Caemlyn to demand that Queen Morgase provide a subsidy for their
unsold crops. As silly an idea, Faile thought, as subsidizing them for
_not_ growing _algode_.

She glanced down at her husband, who lay beside her on his back,
snoring lightly, and she idly caressed the curly hair on his head, the
curly hair on his chin, the curly hair on his chest, and the curly hair on
his ... How lucky she was, she thought, to have such a husband. She
wondered whether she should awaken him for their 2,133rd bout. She
wondered if numbers 1,229-1,314 would ever be repeated; those had
been absolutely wonderful, though Verin Sedai, who had been sitting
in a corner making notes throughout the entire procedure, had been
something of a distraction.

Suddenly she noticed two tears leaking out of Perrin's eyes.

Before she could react, he came awake with a start. "Rand!" he cried
"Mat! I must go to them!"

"What is the matter, my husband?" she asked anxiously.

"I was in _tel'aran'rhiod_," he explained and, by way of illustration, he
fished a map out from under the covers; it was a piece of paper,
multiply folded, with a blue and white cover that read
TEL'ARAN'RHIOD at the top and COPYRIGHT ANDORAN
CARTERS' ASSOCIATION at the bottom. He opened it and little
pop-up figures popped up all over the map. One bore a remarkable
resemblance to Nynaeve al'Meara, the former Wisdom of Emond's
Field, whom Faile had once met in Tear; another was a plain but proud
looking dark-haired woman who looked vaguely like one of the
Forsaken. A third figure, a distinguished-seeming man with white
wings at his temples, was on his back; he had Xs instead of eyes,
and his hands, folded on his chest, were holding a lily. "I was in ...
let me see ... Caemlyn, yes, that's it. Mat was killed!"

"Mat was killed?" Faile cried, horrified.

"Yes, but he got better. Oh, Faile, I feel _ta'veren_ pulling me back to
Rand and Mat! I must be with them to face Tarmon Gai'don! I must
go!"

So speaking, he leaped from their bed, unbuckled his belt to let his axe
drop to the floor, pulled on his smallclothes, bigclothes, and Raiders'
jacket, and buckled the axe back on. "The Winespring Brothers are
back in action!" he shouted gleefully. And then he began to sing, in
a voice somewhat reminiscent of a frog with a bad head cold:

     "Bring me my bow of flowing gold!
      Bring all the darts I can afford!
      Bring me my axe -- oh, clouds, unfold!
      Bring me my Tinker with a sword!

      I shall not cease from cracking skulls,
      Nor shall my axe rest in my hand,
      'Til we have kicked the Dark One's butt
      Beyond the borders of Randland!"

("With apologies to William Blake," he added as an afterthought.)

"Oh, Perrin!" she cried. "You cannot leave me now! Here I've given up
my entire career as a Hunter of the Horn for you, given you the best
nights of my life, and you abandon me for your scruffy friends! What
are you planning to do with them? Sit around in some low inn, dicing
and drinking _oosquai_? Watch that chicken-limbed flat-chested chit
Berelain pop out of a cake?"

"Rand needs me," he replied calmly.

"Rand!" she sneered. "The Dragon Reborn! A schizophrenic shepherd
with delusions of grandeur!"

"What of Mat?" he said. "We've been friends for years! I remember all
of his delightful pranks, such as the time he put a snake in Nynaeve's
smallclothes!"

"I'm sure he regretted doing that," she said.

"Yes, indeed. Nynaeve has a tongue that can shear a sheep at forty
paces -- and that's when she's in a _good_ mood. Anyway, he needs
me."

"What of Saldaea?" she asked. "What of Manetheren? Don't they need
you?"

"What Manatheren?" he asked. "As Lord Goldeneyes, I've decided to
rename the Two Rivers 'Grand Fenwick'!" And he turned to depart.

Thinking fast, she leaped out of bed, grabbed his blacksmith's hammer
from the corner, and _clonged_ him on the head with it. He collapsed
in a heap.

"Your place is at home, my husband," she murmured, sitting down on
the floor next to him and rubbing his head. He groaned, and she
smiled.

It was not, after all, as though she had hit him anywhere it might
damage him.

========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Pam Korda]
|\// Submission 8   \//|
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================

Perrin & Fail ride back to the Winespring Inn, and have that kind of
sex favored by Mike "Sir MPS" Maccionne.  Master Al'Vere get lots of
complaints from the other guests, and so decides to build them a
house.  Meanwhile, the Village Councils of the various 2 Rivers towns
start plotting Revolution.

Off in the woods, Verin & Alanna (both Black) (sorry, erica, it's a
plot device, really it is :) look over the still form of the
Whitecloak they have captured.  Alanna does an involuntary bonding on
Child Hillyard and compells him to accuse certain upholders of the
light of being Darkfriends, causing much confusion and evil, within
the 2 rivers and without.

Aram has a dream in which one of the new dreadlords, named "Roy,"
gives him orders to kill Faile, and thereby drive Perrin to madness.
However, Aram still has certain "way of the leaf" instincts, and so he
just skulks around Perrin and Faile's new house, being generically
suspicious.  Loial observes Aram's strange behavior, and twitches his
ears, muttering something about how he should have stayed in the stedding.

nicely, she'll do both?"

Bain, Chiad, and Gaul play AMK (Advanced Maidens' Kiss :) up in the
Mountains of Mist.  During one of their games, they come across a
broken crown, which they bring back to Emond's Field and give to
Perrin as a wedding present.

Nobody sees anything of Lord Luc, who was last seen travelling in the
direction Ordeith went.



========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Paul Schurr]
|\// Submission 9   \//|    [Winner: Third Place, Most Humorous (tie)]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================


MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH . . .

Loial, having had plenty of time to compose his notes, is working on part
six of a continuing series...

Verin, who takes lots of cream & sugar in her coffee (it's Brown), has
convinced Perrin (now a reluctant Lord) that *something* interesting
lies hidden in the Mountains of Mist. (Well, heck, even the @#%^&*
Children knew that! :) )  Perrin reluctantly agrees, and takes Faile
(who only sniffs) and the Aiel to have a look.  The only way he can
keep the Companions and the wolf's-head banner from coming along is
to give them a new mission: build Faile a house. While they're away,
the Companions let their plans get a little out of hand...

And what do they find in the Mountains of Mist? What else!?!
Accused Darkfriend Robert Jordan, hiding from an angry mob of fans
anxious to find out who ****ed Asmodean...

And the wolves? Off hunting Piglets . . .


========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Mike "Sir MPS" Macchione]
|\// Submission 10  \//|    [Winner: Third Place, Most Novel]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================

    First thing is that I want to predict is that the next book will
start at about the same time as TFoH and will include all of the story
lines not found in TFoH. Ie what happened in the Two Rivers; Bayle Domon,
Eganian, and an encounter with the Seanchan; Hurin and the Shienierin; etc.

    But this is about the Two Rivers. After the successful riddance of
the Trollocs and the Whitecloaks from the Two Rivers, things begin to settle
down.  Perrin and Faile try to learn what life as a married couple is
like.  Unfortunately the rest of the town won't let them.  The Village
Council insist on building them a large, no huge, no tremendous house for
them and their pets (a falcon or two and a couple of wolves).  The Women's
Circle believe that Perrin would make a good mayor and put pressure on the
Village Council to do just that.  As the women are about to make this
grand announcement.  Lord Luc shows up and agrees with this idea
wholeheartedly, not allowing Perrin a chance to renounce him.  That night,
in T'a'r, Perrin and Luc have a major fight, where Perrin almost dies and
actually does lose track of his humanity.  The fate of Slayer is unknown.
Verin, who has been trying to get Perrin to do something all along, states
that his prognosis is not good, and that another wolfbrother is needed to
bring him back to sanity.

    At this point two parties go out in search of Elyas: 1) Faile, Loial,
Gaul, Chiad, and some young TR boy. 2) Tam, Bain, Alanna, a tinker, and
Abell Cauthon.  Verin and Aram stay at Perrin's side to try to coax him
back to health.  Aram finds himself taking over more and more of Perrin's
care, shutting everyone else out.

    The first party finds Elyas, and brings him back to the Two Rivers
just in time to save Perrin.  The Tinker in the second party turns out to
be a darkfriend, and you don't want to know what happens to that party.
Perrin overhears about some trouble in Caemlyn and decides to rush there
to help out.  Eventually, he climbs over _the_Garden_Wall_ and is there to
save Rand from Morgases wrath, as all of the characters get back together.


========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Mike "Sir MPS" Macchione]
|\// Submission 11  \//|    [Winner: Second Place, Best Scenes]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|    [Winner: Third Place, Most Humorous (tie)]
========================

[Note: I'm Sorry, but my Dark side got the better of me and I had to write
this.  I apologize for anyone that I may inadvertently offend.  I mean
this to be a joke.]

Perrin and Faile build a large house so that they can finally have some
privacy.  The first night in the new place they finally get to celebrate
their honeymoon, they have Mad Passionate Sex. Their climactic moment is
utterly stupendous in that they have been waiting for two years since
their marriage in TSR until they can consummate it in book 6 _The Fires of
Passion_.

Verin is getting bored just sitting around waiing for Perrin to do
something, so she decides to resort to some trickery to get Perrin moving.
She approaches Tam al'Thor and tells him some of the truth about Rand.  He
doesn't believe her.  She says that she never lies to a man that sleeps
with.  They have Mad Passionate Sex.  Tam drags Perrin off to go find Rand.

After he gets to practice with his sword, Aram figures out that he likes
long thin objects, that they give him a kind of thrill.  Aram starts to
charm loyalty of the Companions away from Perrin and places it onto
himself.  They all have Mad Passionate Sex.  Aram uses the Companions to
take over Perrin's newfound position as leader of the Two Rivers.

While Perrin is away, Lord Luc returns and charms his way back into the
village, everyone having forgotten Perrin's warnings about him.
Distressed by Aram's sudden rise to power, Faile begs Luc to help her take
the village back.  He constantly refuses, since Aram seems to be ruining
the village quite nicely.  Faile dances the Sa'sara for Luc.  They have
Mad Passionate Sex. Luc takes on Aram and all of his love slaves (oops--
Companions), and wins and takes over as Lord of the Two Rivers.

Gaul and Chiad do not appreciate this and knock off Luc and take over as
temporary King and Queen until Perrin gets back.  Of course they celebrate
their coronation with some Mad Passionate Sex.

Perrin hears of all of this crazyness in the Two Rivers, and rushes back
there to attempt to straighten everything out.  He arrives at the Two
Rivers to find the new village pasttime is Maiden's Kiss.  He throws up
his arms in disgust and leaves the village with only wolves as companions
looking for a nice Wolfsister so that they can have Mad Passionate Sex and
make little Wolf Children.


========================
|//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//|    [Erica Jill Liebman Sadun]
|\// Submission 12  \//|    [Winner: Third Place, Most Plausible]
|\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/|
========================

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT THE TWO RIVERS DURING THE FIRES OF HEAVEN
(An Exerpt)

It was not >the< beginning only >a< beginning and Faile was getting
more than a tad bit annoyed about missing it.  "Verin," she said angrily
"I would say that all men are worthless if I didn't think I was being
redundant."
   Verin, involved in making a precise sketch of a small leaf did
not look up. "He'll be back soon," she said.
   "Men!" Faile repeated as she clumsily stood amidst the enormous
kitchen.  The kitchen reflected the size of their new dwelling which,
while it did not impress Faile, nevertheless did not fail to impress
the denizens of the Two Rivers who had built it out of gratitude
for Lord Perrin, their battle leader of the previous year. The only
size that impressed Faile these days was the prodigious curves
of her ample stomach and the kicking of her yet unborn child.
"Blacksmith!" she added as an afterthought.  "We'll miss the beginning of
the show.  I know it."  She was more than a little bit eager to see
the Menagerie show after being cooped up in the two rivers over the long
and tedious winter.  Advanced pregnancy, too, had slowed her down in every
feature except her temper.
   "He's checking in on the prisoner, although I don't see why," Verin
added.  "He's interrogated him often enough during this winter."  A frown
creased her forehead as she thought about the prisoner.  Isam, no I must
think of him as Lord Luc, she thought to herself is a dangerous piece
that must be played very carefully.  Most carefully.
   The kitchen door burst open with a gust of wind and both women looked
up.  "Oh, it's only you, Asam," Faile said.  "Where is he?"
   "He sent me ahead to tell you he'd be late," Asam said, tying his
hat into knots.  Even with a sword at his side, even with the protection
of Lord Perrin, Asam was no match for Faile in a miff.  That would change,
Asam thought, when...
   "I know he is late," Faile growled.  "I'm asking where is he >now<?"
   Asam shuffled from foot to foot.  The hat's distress grew more
pronounced. "He and Loial, well, there was trouble..." he started.
   Verin's attention became focussed like a beam of light through a
field glass. "Trouble?" she said.
   "The prisoner escaped."
   Verin arose with a flurry of skirts.  "Asam, stay here with Faile."
The words were meant to be obeyed without question, said in an Aes Sedai
way that left no room for argument. And she swept out the door, closing
it behind her.
   Faile growled, frowned, sat and stared at the Tinker.  "Well, tinker,"
she began.  "Amuse me."
   Asam began to sweat.
------------------------------------- [end of file]