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chicken
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1999-11-25
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Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
The answers:
* KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
* PLATO: For the greater good.
* ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
* KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
* TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it
take.
* SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
* RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
* CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
* HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its
pancreas.
* ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's
side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken
was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competences
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a
partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills,
methdologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a
Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened diverse
cross-spectrum of road-analysts and best chickens along with Anderson
consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a
two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge
capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each
other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully
architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a
park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and
unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and
core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken to become more
successful.
* LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The
chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
* MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
* MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said to the chicken:
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
* FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
* RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did NOT cross the road.
* MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
* JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone ever think to ask: "What the heck was this chicken doing walking
around all over the place, anyway?"
* FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
* BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents
and balance your chequebook.
* OLIVER STONE: The question is not: "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" Rather, it is: "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we
overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
* DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
* EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
* BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
* RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road.. it
transcended it.
* ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
* MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive manoeuvre, the chicken
obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
* COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
* HILLARY CLINTON: It was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against
the establishment.
* BILL CLINTON: The chicken did NOT cross the road. Not a single time.
Never. (It was a boulevard.)
* BILL CLINTON (2): I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual
relations with the chicken. And I did not tell the chicken to lie.
* P&G: The chicken crossed the road because it was a priority chicken.
Prioritising chickens is now key to the HPC process (high performance
chickens) and a strategic move to improve egg market share and farm profits,
driving BHACG (big hairy audacious chicken goals) success through CY98.
German learnings (SES, 1985) prove that if a chicken crosses a road, he is a
much better chicken than if he couldn't cross the road (index=164 vs.
pre-crossing) and further, that chickens who cross the road have a much
higher recall of traffic safety rules than those chickens not making it
across the roads (index 300 vs. gutless chickens). Studies conducted on
geese in Spain support these learnings. Key objective behind developing media
copy is to increase the awareness and trial amongst chickens of road
crossing. Qualitative research (one-on-one's) were conducted and have
resulted in the following insight about chickens: "Chickens shouldn't worry
about the risk involved with road crossing, because 7 out of 10 chickens who
have tried it, survived it." The end benefit being "Superior living." A
special project team has been established in lead country Germany to
establish how we can best leverage the 'road crossing' concept in our below
the line activities.
* RAY CHARLES: I didn't see no chicken.