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Unabomber Haikus
(from the Cyberlaw mailing list)
From: Eugene Volokh (VOLOKH@LAW.UCLA.EDU)
Date: Tue, 7 May 1996 16:25:02 PST
------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
yodacat@ix.netcom.com
Technology bad
Please tell me you like my beard
Or I'll blow you up
Fun, easygoing
single, white Unabomber
seeks same for love, laughs.
Ed McMahon of death:
"You may already be a
winner! Open now!"
Bad Unabomber!
Blowing people all to hell.
Do you take requests?
Farewell to tenure
Sniping from the tower clock
already been done
Why can't I get this
stupid computer to print?
Time to buy some stamps.
Should I comb my hair
Or should I wear it matted
Judge prefers it combed
Remember when you
Laughed at his fake fur parka?
He remembers, too.
"Open your present..."
"No, you open your present..."
Kaczinski Christmas
Its circumstantial
all that stuff in my cabin
I found it all. Yeah.
My Daddy said BANG
When he taught me about sex.
I misunderstood.
Ted's fate worse than death:
"You're assigned to prison shop.
Make computer chips!"
To which my son Yale adds:
We took Ted Kaczinski out of a 6 by 8
cabin without electricity or running
water and put him into a 6 by 8 cell
with all the amenities. We sure showed
*him*!
-- Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law
Archivist's note: Here are a few more from
http://www.pmw.org/~welling/unabomber_haiku.html :
I have a vision
but I am misunderstood
do you like my beard?
The rabbits taunt me
Like fed'ral jack-booted thugs.
Kill the rabbits. Kill.
The world was all mine,
For seventeen years, that is.
I hate my brother.
The postman cometh:
"Oh, boy! A package for me!"
Twisted hermit strikes.
Montana: Big sky.
No speed limit on highway.
Lousy bicycle.
I love the outside.
Why do the rabbits hate me?
Next time it's their turn.
Archivist's note: And a few more from
http://interaction.brunel.ac.uk/idforum/96_06/0037.html :
Machines done ruined
Western Civilization.
Think I'll mail some bombs.
Option: Suicide.
Perhaps I'll send a letter
To myself in jail.
Harvard boy--upset.
Didn't get the attention
Of upper-class chicks.
Manifesto. Oops.
What a giveaway. Next time
No windy essays.
Kind of ironic:
Hates technology lots but
Has two typewriters.
I was your math prof.
You made fun of my weird ways.
It was all your fault.
How irritable
I've become, wiping my butt
With leaves and tree bark.
Archivist's note: And from
http://www.stanford.edu/~zeade/public/humor/unabomber_haikus
I used to teach math,
Then I blew things up for spite.
Now I eat jail food.
Twigs and explosives.
It's good to have a hobby.
My brother needs one.
No, not my brother.
Purely just coincidence.
Reward is how much?
Technology bad.
Bombs make people go boom.
Berkeley boy is mad..
He was my roommate,
In school at UC Berkeley.
Now I'll write a book.
Bombs, schmombs.... Ted's good folk.
At least he's not selling drugs!
Plus he's got nice hair....
Stupid ATARI!
I'll use it's parts to build bombs!
More fun than "Frogger".....
A ten by twelve hut?
For how many years? Twenty?
No wonder he's nuts.
Letter? Montana?
Quick! Throw it away and run!
Oops! It's just from Mom.
My brother lives in
Montana. Yow! Oh wait, though --
His name is Tom. Whew!
How I love my work,
Hand-crafting bombs all day long.
Think I'll eat some Spam.
My son's such a dear.
He'd never do things like that.
Here, search all his stuff.
What if I thought as
Ill of haiku as Ted does
Of technology?
Ted anti-social
Pain too close to the surface.
Took it out on "them".
Archivist's note: And from
http://www.sadinoff.com/fun/quotes/unabomber_haiku.txt :
Pipe bomb for mailing
Walking to the post office
Hope I don't stumble
Hey Look! A package!
Somebody sent me a gift.
I wonder what it...
Unabomber Kit:
String, wire, plastic explosives.
Stamps not included.
Archivist's note: And from
http://wings.buffalo.edu/epc/ezines/diu/diu35 :
Those damned dials and knobs
Have measured our lives to death.
Horrible science.
Talk at a party:
"Let's do the 'Unabomber'".
Now he is bitter.
Technology bites.
Been reading too much Pynchon.
Package for you, dear.
Archivist's note: And from
http://www.unet.brandeis.edu/~jdh/funniesnet/funnies/philosophy/unabomber_haiku.html :
Shy Midwestern kid
Attends Harvard, and presto!
Unabomber's born.
Angered all the more.
Enraged year after year by
Lame police drawing.
Archivist's note: And from a spam haiku collection at
http://pemtropics.mit.edu/~jcho/spam/2901-3000.html :
Unabomber lived
on SPAM, venison, tuna.
Mystery now solved!
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com
The Unabomber
Didn't make bombs out of SPAM.
Guess he's not so bad.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
Archivist's note: More of the same at
http://pemtropics.mit.edu/~jcho/spam/news.html :
A ticking blue tin.
An explosion of pig snouts.
UnaSPAMer strikes.
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu
Unabomber's change
of heart: non-lethal pork tins
inflict mass terror.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
Unabomber, Goetz,
and other assorted nuts.
The common thread? SPAM.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
Dear Hormel people:
I'll blow up your factory!
--Teddy Kaczynski
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
Ted Kaczynski "loved
nature," and yet he ate SPAM.
See the problem here?
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
The Unabomber
Begins sending SPAM by mail.
People are still scared.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
It's leaked to the press--
In the Unabomber's shack,
Thousands of SPAM tins.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com