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sysadmin-support-fees
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1998-07-26
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System Administration Support Fees
Support Fees:
Calling me with a question - $10
Calling me with a stupid question - $20
Calling me with a stupid question you
can't quite articulate - $30
Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem
description - $1000 + punitive damages
Questions where answer is in TFM which is on your desk - $100.00
Calling me back with the same problem
*after* I fix it once - $100
Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end
somehow - $200
Asking me to walk over to your building
to fix the problem - $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile + gas
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually
fix somebody else's problem - $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr
If you've come to ask me why something isn't
working that I'm currently working on - $70/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I fixed
for you yesterday - $75/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I told you
I fixed yesterday, but never did fix - $85/hr
If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that
I made that didn't work - $95/hr
If you're bugging me while there's another admin
in the room who could have done it for you - $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately
after hanging up the phone - $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which
is "stopping all
work", not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the
office knows
anything about it. - $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your
personal machine at home - $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and telling me what to do - $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own
repairs I told you not to do - $300.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you
say hard drive - $50.00
Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad - $25.00
Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees
- $35.00
Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50.00
Fixing your "broken" printer with a toner cartridge - $35.00
Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button - $250.00
Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the
external disk back on - $200.00
Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet transceiver back in
- $375.00
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor
lead back in - $50
Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an
account there - $10
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed
on your index finger - $25
Installing programs without informing me or getting
permission first - $100 per program
Technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour
(regardless of whether I know the program or not)
Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of
keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor - $50 plus cost of
monitor
Spilling coke on CPU
(plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent
reinstalling
the system) - $200
Leaving files on desktop - $5 per file - $10
per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve - $50 plus cost of
sleeve
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a
brand new machine - $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus - $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets
- $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5
explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say...
"So that's what the little box that popped up
on my screen was telling me to do!" - $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you
are plugged into the network
jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug
type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops.
Nevermind." (including discount for polite
apology) - $35
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software
- $25
Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]?
Mine just died." requests - $45
Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that;
why don't you try calling
the number on the box in which you bought it?"
line - $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the
hint in the previous
response (includes instructions for getting
freeware replacements from the public file server) - $95
Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18
points - $15
If I wrote the sign - $45
If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the
door - $75