linuxmafia.com 2016/linuxmafia.com.tar/linuxmafia.com/pub/humour/sysadmin-resignation-letter

Text File | 2002-11-25 | 4KB | 71 lines

This was an actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex
Computers, USA to his boss.  His boss apparently resigned very soon
afterwards!


Dear Mr Baker,

    As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have
an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen.

    I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you
were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees,
who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste"
for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also
never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you
what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

    You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault
in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your
glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you
are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

    Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation,
however I have a few parting thoughts.

    1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next
couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do
it on your own.

    2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide
to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
administration.

    3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like
the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such
odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

    Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***
with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all
that free time!

    Sincerely
    Darryl Brewer.