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mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1999-07
July, 1999
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1999-07-01    TABLE OF CONTENTS

1999-07-01    Table of Contents
1999-07-02    mini-Housekeeping
1999-07-03    What's New in AIR Itself
1999-07-04    Bacterial Brunch
1999-07-05    The Story on X and Y
1999-07-06    Boring
1999-07-07    Your Brain, and Einstein's
1999-07-08    Nothing
1999-07-09    Triple-X Astronomy
1999-07-10    "Pictoral Concept Ship" TRULY Explained
1999-07-11    Fashion Plate on a Mountain Top
1999-07-12    Precision Measurement
1999-07-13    Ig's A-Coming
1999-07-14    Psychologists' Final Fling
1999-07-15    Textual Italian Half-Naked Women
1999-07-16    Our Charming Ineptness
1999-07-17    Project AIRhead 2000
1999-07-18    Big Number Competition
1999-07-19    May We Recommend
1999-07-20    AIRhead Events
1999-07-21    How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
1999-07-22    How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
1999-07-23    Our Address (*)
1999-07-24    Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)

    Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.

    mini-AIR is
    a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine


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1999-07-02    mini-Housekeeping

If you also subscribe to AIR itself, please see section 1999-07-16
for an announcing concerning our charming ineptness.


----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-03    What's New in AIR Itself

AIR 5:4 (July/August 1999) is the special "COFFEE & TEA▓" issue,
with a cover picture (of tea-drinking Nobellian William Lipscomb,
visible at http://www.improbable.com) suitable for hanging in the
department coffee lounge. Contents include:

"Pertinent and Impertinent Research on Coffee (and Tea)," by Alice
Shirell Kaswell. An over- and under-view of the scientific
literature concerning coffee and tea, highlighting many of the
least important and least know aspects.

"Coffee and Tea Science (CATS) for Dummies, by Harold P. Dowd
(with a "w," not a "u"). The author explains how he filled two
pages. Includes a photograph of a coffee filter.

"Biscuitry at the Cutting Edge," by Laminar Baltha. An under and
overview of the dunking, fracturing, pleasantness, and other
scientifically documented aspects of biscuits. Includes citations
to the landmark reports "Dog Biscuits and Sheep" and "Chocolate
Biscuits are Poisonous and Should Be Banned by the year 2000."

"A Quantum Mechanical Interpretation of Homeopathy," by Michael
H.F. Wilkinson. The author presents the first intentionally
incomprehensible explanation of whether and how Homeopathy works.
It is, however, less incomprehensible than all the other
explanations.

These and many, many other articles and features are in the
current issue of AIR. Isn't it time you subscribed? Of course it
is.


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1999-07-04    Bacterial Brunch

This month's Scientific Correctness Survey (#94) is about food.
Strict vegetarians avoid eating meat, but consider anything else
to be fair game (so to speak). Biologists classify most bacteria
as being neither animal nor vegetable. If offered a good home-
cooked meal of baked, stuffed bacteria, what's a strict vegetarian
to do? This month's question: Are strict vegetarians allowed to
eat bacteria?

-- Yes
-- No
-- Other (please specify in 25 words or less)

Please send your vote to <[e-mail]>


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1999-07-05    The Story on X and Y

Rants, raves, and ballots poured in last month, seeking to answer
once and for all time our  Scientific Correctness Survey (#17).
The question was:

    On average, which group is more intelligent: men or women?

The answer it turns out, is Women, buy a whopping 72% to 41%. Many
people voted twice, which rather skewed the totals. A plurality of
voters opted for one choice while delivering a carefully worded
disclaimer. A reader with the odd name "BlooFlame," put it thusly:

    This is one of those questions which quickly becomes
    recursive (as in "Damn! Damn! How do I answer this?"),
    because if men are smarter, then they will, in
    self-interest, proclaim women to be smarter.

Here are other, more and less insightful, comments. (Each voter's
party affiliation is noted in parentheses.)

"Women are definitely smarter than men."
                    --Laura Hall (F)

"We just are. It needs no explanation."
                    --Michelle Mosmeyer (F)

"Women are smarter. Obviously, the initiator of this poll is a
male, because women KNOW the answer to this question, and have no
need to ask it."
                    --Sandra L. Bailey (F)

"Given the political climate these days, all I know is
that anyone who votes in this survey is *not* too intelligent."
                    --Ross Durland (M)

"Presupposing a world-wide prevalence of heterosexual behavior, it
is obvious that men are far more intelligent than women. I mean,
look at them! They try to sleep with *us*!"
                    --Marcelo Rinesi (M)

"Men. In German herrlichkeit (origin herr, man like) means being
divine while daemlichkeit (origin dame, another word for woman;
women like) means being stupid."
                    --Thomas Vogler (M)

"On average there are more women in the world than men. Therefore
their average intelligence will be higher."
                    --Michael Lean (M, and
                    demonstrating a novel
                    grasp of mathematics)

"Of course it's women. Duh."
                    --Susan Woram (F)

"Men. God told me so.  Just last night as a matter of fact, His
voice came through the microwave as I was heating some tomato
soup."
                    --Tom Rose


-----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-06    Boring

Our selection for boring web site of the month can be found at
http://www.boring.com
(Thanks to Stephen Pratt for bringing it fleetingly to our
attention.)


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1999-07-07    Your Brain, and Einstein's

Last month's AIRhead Brain Research Survey asked you to choose one
of the following:
    *    *    *
    ____My brain is JUST LIKE Einstein's brain
    ____My brain is shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's brain
    ____My brain is shaped like a MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE brain
    Optional insightful comment (25 words max):

Here are the results. The vast majority (69%) report having a
brain or brains shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's. 12% report having a
brain that is MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE. 19% report having a brain that is
JUST LIKE Einstein's, at least in shape. Here are some thoughtful
explanations:

"I don't really care to take it out and check just for your survey."
                    Robert Wiegand

"I'm not one to brag, but my brain is shaped way better than Einstein's.
I mean, have you seen pictures of the guy. He was no Mr. Olympia. But
through years of brain exercises I have developed a pleasing curve to my
occiput, as well as bulging parietals. And my Broca's area has been
known to make women swoon. Nature also endowed me with a thick oblongata
(nine inches oblong). So let Einstein take all the recognition for
changing humankind's perception of itself blah, blah, blah. I got a way
better brain."
                    Joseph Olivier

"My brain is shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's brain. Neanderthal Men had
larger brains then present men. Coming from Wuppertal (next to
Neanderthal) I hope I have inherited something."
                    Frank Stephan

"My brain is shaped like a MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE brain. Any claim to a shape
above (beyond?) mediocrity might unduly raise my supervisor's
expectations, and then I would indeed NEED to have a brain shaped like
Einstein's to finish my thesis."
                    Kimberley Scully

"My brain is JUST LIKE Einstein's brain. Duh-huh.  You bet."
                    Paul R. Koch


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1999-07-08    Nothing


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1999-07-09    Triple-X Astronomy

Having trouble getting your research published? Investigator James
W. Barrett has received a brochure soliciting contributions to the
Elsevier journal "Astroparticle Physics." The brochure says,

    "If you are interested in submitting your paper and
    unprintable items to "Astroparticle Physics", please contact
    us..."

Inspired by this, Barrett has become the founding editor of a new
AIR-affiliated scientific publication titled "Journal of XXX-Ray
Astronomy."
The new journal will print only non-paper items (when we
figure out what those are) and, on rare occasions, printable
items. To submit items for publication, fire them off to:

    J.W. Barrett, editor
    Journal of XXX-Ray Astronomy
    c/o Chandra X-Ray Observatory
    PO Box 86
    Inclination: 28.5 degrees
    Perigee altitude: 10,000 kilometers
    Apogee altitude: 140,000 kilometers
    Ascending node: 200 degrees
    Argument of perigee: 270 degrees
    Postal Code 300000000
    Solar System

Please include two photocopies and a self-addressed, stamped
return vehicle.


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1999-07-10    "Pictoral Concept Ship" TRULY Explained

The truth was out there. Now it's in here. All prior theories,
supposed proofs, and other claims (see mini-AIR last month) are
simply wrong. In mini-AIR 1999-05 we asked for the meaning of the
phrase "Pictoral Concept Ship." Investigator Chris Ramsden had
alerted us to its existence. Now, at last we have discovered,
(thanks to investigator Richard Burnham) the one, true story. The
truth is elegant. The truth is simple. You can see it at
http://www.biad.uce.ac.uk/research/students/clarke/clarke.html
As you will see there, Robert J. Clarke, the originator of
the phrase, writes there that he "would welcome communication from
[those] who share my interest." If you share his interest, you
will undoubtedly communicate with him.


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1999-07-11    Fashion Plate on a Mountain Top

Congratulations to investigator Roberto Soria of the Mount Stromlo
Observatory in Weston Creek, ACT, Australia, for being the
100,000th visitor to our web site http://www.improbable.com since
January 1. Soria is the imminent owner of a spiffy Ig Nobel tee
shirt.


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1999-07-12    Precision Measurement

We are proud to announce the first mini-AIR "SPECIAL MENTION" for
Precision Measuring. It is awarded to the People's Democratic
Republic of Korea's Korean Central News Agency. Their web site
http://www.kcna.co.jp/calendar/99_06.htm announced on June 11
that:
    It is an unshakable will of the Korean revolutionary
    armed forces never to pardon those who violate even
    0.001 mm of the sky, the land and the sea of the
    fatherland, in defence of their sovereignty.

Thanks to investigator Svend Bjoern Waldorff for bringing this to
our attention. Waldorff cautions that:

    The Site Entrance states that a lot of Copyright is
    adhered to this Text, rather in conflict -- it would
    seem -- with the whole idea of Communism. Do not hold
    me responsible if Minisubmarines from the DPRK start
    appearing in your bathtub.


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1999-07-13    Ig's A-Coming

The 1999 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is fast approaching (it will
occur on September 30).
TICKETS GO ON SALE AUGUST 6. Info is posted on the Ig home page
http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-top.html
We have put up lots of photos and even a video clip. Best of all,
there is now a complete list of past winners, with extensive links
to demonstrate what these people have, er, accomplished.


-----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-14    Psychologists' Final Fling

AIR editorial board member Louis G. Lippman of Western Washington
University is co-editing, with Diana Mahony of Brigham Young
University's wandering Hawaii Campus, a special topics issue of
"The Journal of General Psychology" devoted to Humor and Laughter.
If you would like to help Lippman and Mahony test how many
psychologists are familiar with the concept of humor, please email
<[e-mail]>.


----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-15    Textual Italian Half-Naked Women

Do all Italian science books have half-naked women on the cover,
or do merely a majority of them? We posed the question last month
upon learning that the publisher the Italian-language edition of
the AIR book ["La scienza impossibile. Il Meglio degli <<ANNALS OF
IMPROBABLE RESEARCH>>, published by Garzanti, ISBN 88-11-59291-7]
went the babe route.
    The answer is still unclear, but here are some observations
and conjectures:

"Perhaps more interesting than the apparently excessive use of
naked flesh in science publications, is the amount of laboratory
equipment found in Italian porn."
                    --Alastair Orchard

"I had a textbook once (I think it was Jones' "Gynecology" which
featured a totally naked man and woman on the cover -- Massacio's
'The Driving Forth From Eden' with a weeping, anguished Eve.  It
was so sexist I threw it out."
                    --Kirsten Emmott

"Alas, I have no Italian science books, but I was struck when I
saw the cover to a U.S. human physiology text ('Human Anatomy and
Physiology,' sixth edition by John W. Hole, Jr)  published in
1993. It features a quite well formed gentleman wearing skin-tight
shorts only and posing with arms overhead, muscles flexed. Quite a
contrast (pleasant one, actually) to the usual cover."
                    --Ellen Friedman

"I have never seen an italian science book featuring half-naked
women on the cover. More naked women on (and in) physics books,
however, would without any doubt decrease the time Italian
students need to reach their degree."
                    --Paolo Falco

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1999-07-16    Our Charming Ineptness

The mighty AIR circulation database has had another little
adventure. If you subscribe to AIR (the magnificent print journal
-- as contrasted to mini-AIR, the tiny supplement which you are
reading now), and you have not yet received your copy of the
special "Tea & Coffee" issue (vol. 5, no. 4), do not panic.

Our mighty circulation database had another hiccupping fit, and so
did not send copies to all of the subscribers. We are
administering hiccup medicine to the machine, and will get the
missing copies out to you soon. In the meantime, please do not
hiccup yourself, and please do not panic.


-----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-17    Project AIRhead 2000

Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000
collection of things inexplicably named (in whole or in part)
2000.

ITEMS 906 AND 906A (submitted by investigator Michael Lean)
Investigator Lean reports:
    I am using a MARTEC CONVECTOR 2000 room heater. As well, it
    contains, according to the badge, a 2000 POWER SYSTEM.
    Two for the price of one.

ITEM 60223 (submitted by investigator Frank Nice)
WURTH HHS 2000, of which it is claimed that "this high pressure
synthetic lubricant stays where you spray it to penetrate,
lubricate, and protect."

ITEM 90233 (submitted by investigator Dan Morenus)
TARGET EMAIL 2000, a junk-mail operation that insists " We
advocate responsible email marketing."


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1999-07-18    Big Number Competition

We invite you to take part in the AIRhead Big Number Competition.
The goal is to find the institution which insists on using the
longest account numbers. The record holder, so far as we are
aware, is 33 (thirty-three) digits, the standard newly adopted by
Harvard University. (See http://www.adapt.harvard.edu/ for
details. Thanks to Sheldon Glashow for bringing this to our
attention.) If your institution can beat this, please send the
news to <[e-mail]>.

[DISCLAIMER: We realize that this competition will likely trigger
an add-a-digit arms race between the administrations of various
institutions. So be it.)


-----------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-19    May We Recommend

Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the
pages of AIR itself.)

CREAMY SEX DIFFERENCES
"Ice cream preference: Gender differences in taste and quality,"
Jenifer Kunz, Perceptual-and-Motor-Skills, vol. 77, no. 3, part 2,
December 1993, pp. 1097-8. (Thanks to Iris Dolan for bringing this
to our attention.) The author reports that:
    │For 3 brands of chocolate chip ice cream, 69 college women
    showed a taste- and quality-related preference for the
    most expensive brand, while 53 college men preferred the
    least expensive brand.▓

RAD SAUSAGES
"Gamma Radurisation of Vienna Sausages," M.L Wessels, A. du
Plessis, Food Ind. S. Afr., vol. 45, no. 6, 1992, pp. 14-15.
(Thanks to Betty Loehrer for bringing this to our attention.)

REACH FOR THE SUN
"Viagra makes flowers stand up straight," Judy Siegel-Itzkovich,
British Medical Journal, vol. 319, no. 7205, July 31, 1999, p.
274A. (Thanks to Len Finegold for bringing this to our attention.)
The author reports that:
    1 mg of the drug (compared with 50 mg in one pill taken
    by impotent men) in a solution was enough to prevent two
    vases of cut flowers from wilting for as much as a week
    longer than might be expected.


------------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-20    AIRhead Events

==>    Want to host an event?
    Call or E-mail <[e-mail]> 617-491-4437.
    ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers,
    publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423
==>    For updates of this schedule, see
    http://www.improbable.com


9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY        THURS, SEPT 30
Sanders Theater, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale
August 6 August at the Harvard Box Office at Holyoke Center 617-
496-2222.

ANNUAL IG LECTURES                    SAT, OCT 2
Kresge Little Theater, MIT, in the afternoon.

NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY                SAT, OCT 16
Details TBA. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld <[e-mail]>

AMERICAN VACUUM SOCIETY 46th INT'L SYMPOSIUM, SEATTLE    OCT 25-29
At the Washington State Convention Center.
AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS and co-conspirators will be  the plenary
speakers. Session details TBA.
Info: Pat Looney <[e-mail]> [phone]

UNIV OF WATERLOO, ONTARIO                TUES, DEC 7
2:30 pm.  Details TBA.
INFO: Dan Berry <[e-mail]>

CHEMICAL INSTITUTE OF CANADA, TORONTO SECTION        WED, DEC. 8
8:30 pm. Univ. of Toronto, Erindale Campus. 3359 Mississauga Rd.
AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable
research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes
Shopping." INFO: Jack Clark <[e-mail]>

AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, WASHINGTON DC            Mid-Feb, 2000
AIR authors will present their traditionally improbable session at
the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual
meeting. Featuring, admong others, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS, "A
Briefer History of Time" author ERIC SCHULMAN, and the more-or-
less ORIGINAL CAST of one fo the Ig Nobel mini-operas starring
mezzo-soprano MARGOT BUTTON and various Nobel laureates. Further
details TBA.


--------------------------------------------------------------
1999-07-21    How to Subscribe to AIR (*)

Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print
journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not
just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading
here in mini-AIR)
...............................................................
Name:
Address:
Address:
City and State:                    Zip or postal code:
Country
Phone:            FAX:            E-mail:
...............................................................
    USA            1 year/$23        2 years/$39
    Canada/Mexico    1 year/$27 US    2 years/$45 US
    Overseas        1 year/$40 US    2 years/$70 US

[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
...............................................................
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437    FAX:[phone]        [e-mail]


-----------------------------------------------------
1999-07-22    How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)

What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
[e-mail]
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
            ----------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR


-----------------------------------------------------
1999-07-23    Our Address (*)

Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:[phone]

EDITORIAL: [e-mail]
SUBSCRIPTIONS: [e-mail]
WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/


---------------------------
1999-07-24    Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)

Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.

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(c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research
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-------------
mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams ([e-mail])
MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last
few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson <[e-mail]>
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin ([e-mail])
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen ([e-mail])
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki
Rohloff
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
============================================================