home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
linuxmafia.com 2016
/
linuxmafia.com.tar
/
linuxmafia.com
/
pub
/
humour
/
darwin-award-nominees-for-1997
< prev
next >
Wrap
Text File
|
2002-11-09
|
7KB
|
156 lines
It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for 1997
As you know these nominees will not be contributing to the gene
pool (thankfully). You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner:
The man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an
Arizona cliff that the JATO (jet assist take off) rocket he'd
strapped to his car could not be turned off once it was turned on....
The 1997 nominees are:
NOMINEE #1 [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when
the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE #2 [Kalamazoo Gazette, 4-1-95]
James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying
to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns
got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung
underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns's clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE #3 [Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone
beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a
Smith&Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his
ear.
NOMINEE #4 [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a
downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder
and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry
Hoy,39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower
early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police
reports.
Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told
the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE #5 [Bloomburg News, 25 March]
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed
for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no
mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in
his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage
(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of
foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the
poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or
had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the
man was shut up in his near air tight bedroom. According to the
article,
He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas."
Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE #6 [1/29/96 The News of the weird.]
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously in 1989.
He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair
on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in
prison. In March 1989, sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and
attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted.
NOMINEE #7["The Indianapolis Star", Wed., Dec. 4, 1996].
Cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion Dunkirk,
Indiana.
A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in
his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators
said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been
firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel
when the gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE #8 [AP, St. Louis]
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him
to death.
NOMINEE #9 [Unknown]
To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an
overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
NOMINEE #10 [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA]
Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an
explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said
Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a
prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne.
'Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was
trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy
said, 'I'll show you how to set it off. "
AND FINALLY, NOMINEE #11!!! [Arkansas Democrat Gazette], July 25, 1996:
Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck
left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38
early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported
the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of
Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious
condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the
two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an
overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights
malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck
had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis
noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly
into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting
the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two
men proceeded on east-bound toward the White River bridge. After
traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole
in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right
exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor
cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to
repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his _____ off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but
this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit
how this accident happened", said Snyder. Upon being notified of
the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had
caught and did anyone get them from the truck.