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1998-09-07
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116 lines
The Sex life of an Electron
by Eddie Currents
One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided
to seek out a cute little coil to help him discharge.
He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle.
They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic
field with flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves.
Micro-Farad, attracted by Millie-Amp's characterisic curves soon
had her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to
a minimum. He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her
frequency and lowered her reluctance.
With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and
inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel. He
slowly began short circuiting her resistance shunt while quickly
raising her thermal conductance level to mill-spec. Fully
excited, Milli-Amp mumbled "OHM...OHM...OHM"
With his tube operating well into class C, and her field
vibrating with his current flow, a corona formed which instantly
caused her shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad
rapidly discharged and drained off every electron into her grid.
They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets
untill his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field
strength.
Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her
solenoids and with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was
unable to excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they
spent the rest of the evening reversing polarity and blowing
each others fuses.
BUT WAIT!!! Theres M O R E !
===============================
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His
broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with
numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the sun was crashing, and
had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed
the S100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of
liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to
himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an
update tonight."
Mini was her name. She was delightfully engineered with eyes
like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's
peripherals networking all over the place.
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin,
32-bit floating point processors and enquired, "How are you,
Honeywell?"
"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers
engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear
functions.
Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-
alone tonight," he said. "How about computing a vector to my
base address? I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get
offset later on." Mini ran a priority process for 2.6
milliseconds then transmitted 8K. "I've been dumped myself
recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my
disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet
you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her
solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable. I wonder
if she'd like my firmware?"
They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of
fiche and chips and a bucket of Baudot. Mini was in
conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while
Micro gave occasional acknowledgments, although in reality he
was anyalyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry
point. He finally settled on the old,'Would you like to see my
benchmark routine?' but Mini was again one step ahead.
Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal
the full functionality of her operating system software. "Let's
get BASIC, you RAM," she said. Micro was loaded by this stage,
but his hardware policing module had a processor of its own and
was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hangup that
Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core," was all he could
say, as she prepared to log him off.
Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC
and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready. He
accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to
start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape
sequence.
"No, no!" she cried. "You're not shielded!"
"Reset, baby," he replied, "I've been debugged."
"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support
child processes," she protested.
"Don't run away," he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."
"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my
design philosophy."
Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be
turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a
voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with
a head crash and went to sleep.
"Computers!" she thought as she compiled herself. "All they ever
think about is hex."