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anguished-english
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1996-02-19
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3KB
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76 lines
- In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth
extracted by latest Methodists."
- A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
"A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since
this variation has been played."
- In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and
spend the afternoon having a good time."
- In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our
horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."
- Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: "Would you
like to ride on your own ass?"
- On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip,
turn cock to right."
- In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for
ladies from their own skin."
- On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
- Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."
- In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today - no ice cream."
- In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman
even a foreigner if dressed as a man."
- In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for ladies with nutes."
- In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags
and send them in all directions."
- On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
- In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not
to have children in the bar."
- At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If
you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and
other diseases."
- In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed
all the water served here."
- In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but
you'll find they are best in the long run."
- From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel
air conditioner: "Cooles and Heates: If you want just
condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
- From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
"When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor."
All this global gabble is best summarized by two signs in a
Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking" and "Here speeching American."