The CDPD Public Domain Collection for CDTV 3/CDPDIII.bin/books/franklin/1739

Text File | 1992-07-31 | 8KB | 183 lines

        _Poor Richard_
        1739

        _Kind Reader,_
        Encouraged by thy former Generosity, I once more present thee
with an Almanack, which is the 7th of my Publication. -- While thou
art putting Pence in my Pocket, and furnishing my Cottage with
Necessaries, _Poor Dick_ is not unmindful to do something for thy
Benefit.  The Stars are watch'd as narrowly as old _Bess_ watch'd her
Daughter, that thou mayst be acquainted with their Motions, and told
a Tale of their Influences and Effects, which may do thee more good
than a Dream of last Year's Snow.

        Ignorant Men wonder how we Astrologers foretell the Weather so
exactly, unless we deal with the old black Devil.  Alas! 'tis as easy
as pissing abed.  For Instance; The Stargazer peeps at the Heavens
thro' a long Glass: He sees perhaps _TAURUS_, or the great Bull, in a
mighty Chase, stamping on the Floor of his House, swinging his Tail
about, stretching out his Neck, and opening wide his Mouth.  'Tis
natural from these Appearances to judge that this furious Bull is
puffing, blowing, and roaring.  Distance being consider'd, and Time
allow'd for all this to come down, there you have Wind and Thunder.
He spies perhaps _VIRGO_ (or the Virgin;) she turns her Head round as
it were to see if any body observ'd her; then crouching down gently,
with her Hands on her Knees, she looks wistfully for a while right
forward.  He judges rightly what she's about: And having calculated
the Distance and allow'd Time for it's Falling, finds that next
Spring we shall have a fine _April_ shower.  What can be more natural
and easy than this?  I might instance the like in many other
particulars; but this may be sufficient to prevent our being taken
for Conjurers.  O the wonderful Knowledge to be found in the Stars!
Even the smallest Things are written there, if you had but Skill to
read.  When my Brother _J -- m --n_ erected a Scheme to know which
was best for his sick Horse, to sup a new-laid Egg, or a little
Broth, he found that the Stars plainly gave their Verdict for Broth,
and the Horse having sup'd his Broth; -- Now, what do you think
became of that Horse?  You shall know in my next.

        Besides the usual Things expected in an Almanack, I hope the
profess'd Teachers of Mankind will excuse my scattering here and
there some instructive Hints in Matters of Morality and Religion.
And be not thou disturbed, O grave and sober Reader, if among the
many serious Sentences in my Book, thou findest me trifling now and
then, and talking idly.  In all the Dishes I have hitherto cook'd for
thee, there is solid Meat enough for thy Money.  There are Scraps
from the Table of Wisdom, that will if well digested, yield strong
Nourishment to thy Mind.  But squeamish Stomachs cannot eat without
Pickles; which, 'tis true are good for nothing else, but they provoke
an Appetite.  The Vain Youth that reads my Almanack for the sake of
an idle Joke, will perhaps meet with a serious Reflection, that he
may ever after be the better for.

        Some People observing the great Yearly Demand for my Almanack,
imagine I must by this Time have become rich, and consequently ought
to call myself _Poor Dick_ no longer.  But, the Case is this, When I
first begun to publish, the Printer made a fair Agreement with me for
my Copies, by Virtue of which he runs away with the greatest Part of
the Profit. -- However, much good may't do him; I do not grudge it
him; he is a Man I have a great Regard for, and I wish his Profit ten
times greater than it is.  For I am, dear Reader, his, as well as thy
_Affectionate Friend_,
                                         _R. SAUNDERS._
                                 ______

        When Death puts out our Flame, the Snuff will tell,
        If we were Wax, or Tallow by the Smell.

        At a great Pennyworth, pause a while.

        As to his Wife, _John_ minds St. _Paul_, He's one
        That hath a Wife, and is as if he'd none.

        Kings a be an Honour to them tho' they are dead.


        If thou wouldst live long, live well; for Folly and Wickedness
shorten Life.

        Prythee isn't Miss _Cloe's_ a comical Case?
        She lends out her Tail, and she borrows her Face.

        Trust thy self, and another shall not betray thee.

        He that pays for Work before it's done, has but a pennyworth
for twopence.

        Historians relate, not so much what is done, as what they would
have believed.

        O Maltster! break that cheating Peck; 'tis plain,
        When e'er you use it, you're a Knave in Grain.

        Doll learning _propria quae maribus_ without book,
        Like _Nomen crescentis genitivo_ doth look.

        Grace thou thy House, and let not that grace thee.

        Thou canst not joke an Enemy into a Friend; but thou may'st a
Friend into an Enemy.

        Eyes & Priests
        Bear no Jests.

        He that falls in love with himself, will have no Rivals.

        Let thy Child's first Lesson be Obedience, and the second may
be what thou wilt.

        Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be
disappointed.

        Rather go to bed supperless, than run in debt for a Breakfast.

        Let thy Discontents be Secrets.

        An infallible Remedy for the _Tooth-ach_, viz Wash the Root of
an aching Tooth, in _Elder Vinegar_, and let it dry half an hour in
the Sun; after which it will never ach more; _Probatum est_.

        A Man of Knowledge like a rich Soil, feeds
        If not a world of Corn, a world of Weeds.


        A modern Wit is one of _David's_ Fools.

        No Resolution of Repenting hereafter, can be sincere.

        _Pollio_, who values nothing that's within,
        Buys books as men hunt Beavers, -- for their Skin.

        Honour thy Father and Mother, _i.e._ Live so as to be an Honour
to them tho' they are dead.

        If thou injurest Conscience, it will have its Revenge on thee.

        Hear no ill of a Friend, nor speak any of an Enemy.

        Pay what you owe, and you'll know what's your own.

        Be not niggardly of what costs thee nothing, as courtesy,
counsel, & countenance.

        Thirst after Desert, not Reward.

        Beware of him that is slow to anger: He is angry for something,
and will not be pleased for nothing.

        No longer virtuous no longer free; is a Maxim as true with
regard to a private Person as a Common-wealth.

        When Man and Woman die, as Poets sung,
        His Heart's the last part moves, her last, the tongue.

        Proclaim not all thou knowest, all thou owest, all thou hast,
nor all thou canst.

        Let our Fathers and Grandfathers be valued for _their_
Goodness, ourselves for our own.

        Industry need not wish.

        Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden but it is forbidden
because it's hurtful.  Nor is a Duty beneficial because it is
commanded, but it is commanded, because it's beneficial.

        _A_ ---- , they say, has Wit; for what?
        For writing? -- No; For writing not.

        _George_ came to the Crown without striking a Blow.
        Ah! quoth the Pretender, would I could do so.

        Love, and be lov'd.

        O Lazy-Bones!  Dost thou think God would have given thee Arms
and Legs, if he had not design'd thou should'st use them.

        A Cure for Poetry,
        Seven wealthy Towns contend for _Homer_, dead,
        Thro' which the living _Homer_ beg'd his Bread.

        Great Beauty, great strength, & great Riches, are really &
truly of no great Use; a right Heart exceeds all.