DP Tool Club 26/CD_ASCQ_26_1295.iso/vrac/rubyv50.zip/RUBY50-1

Text File | 1995-10-27 | 4KB | 74 lines

Copyright 1995(c)

                              A CON IS A CON
                         A Ruby D. Begonia Column
                              By Del Freeman

     "Did you see Rush doing all that stuff about 'take the first
two letters of my name and add it to alpha-bits soup to get a pot
roast roux, or whatever?'" asked Ruby.
     "He was making the point that Mr. Farrakhan called for a
million men to go to Washington so Farrakhan could spout off at
them for a few hours about his new math theories," said Del.
     "I think you and Rush are off base here," said Ruby. "I think
Louie's got a message. Lemme hear you say amen."
     "No," said Del. "I'm not amen'ing a nutso. I tell you, if this
guy was going on at the corner in Hemming Park with the rest of the
local kooks, you wouldn't give him a notice, and if you did, you'd
discover he makes less sense."
     "He ain't got to make sense when he can get half a mil to show
up and pay $11 a head to hear him not make it," said Ruby. "You
know how much that is? About half a mil times $11, is how much.
That ain't chump change."
     "I notice O.J. did not make an appearance," said Del.
     "What can I tell you? It looks to me like O.J. is establishing
a pattern. Like Nero fiddled during his important moments, Simpson
putts." said Ruby.
     "But back to the bucks -- you know I didn't think that bit
about Napoleon was believable. I mean all them dead presidents,
sure, them are all psychic profundities in statue height and all...
I mean, everybody knows you take that 19 foot height and you add
it to 55 and you got 1955 which is the year Be-Bop-a-Lula first hit
the airwaves. You can't just ignore a co-inky-dink like that.
     "When Lou starts talking about Napoleon shooting the nose off
the sphinx, though, I think he's way off base with that theory. I
figure Napoleon did stuff like that the same way Elvis shot up
televisions, 'cept with Napoleon, it was a height thing. Short men
is already frustrated and got kinks in their necks, anyway. Short
guys is potential rifle-in-the-tower, ungruntled postal employee
types waiting to happen. Of course they're torqued -- these are
people who ain't NEVER been able to reach the top shelf."
     "Jeez, Ruby, then how about this? The guy's name is Farrakhan,
right? Okay, Farra is sort of like ferret, right? So, you add
ferret, a nasty little rodent at best, to con and you've got a
nasty little rodent who's a con. Now that makes as much sense as
anything he said. So?"
     "So, they came, they saw, they spent money. That's my kind of
event. I'm thinking I might throw me one of these march things,"
said Ruby. "Lemme hear you say amen," she encouraged.
     "No, but I see it now," said Del, closing her eyes and
visualizing. "You can call it A Fruitcake and her Fantasies."
     "Nah, I need me something mystical," said Ruby. "I'm thinking
18. Face it, Lou already got 19, so I better jump on 18 while it's
available. I figure there's going to be a rush on these numbers
just as soon as folks figure out you can make money with 'em."
     "What does that mean, though?" asked Del.
     "It means my bank account'll get really, really healthy," said
Ruby. "Just look at this...
     Ruby punched up the video of the crowd watching Mr. Farrakhan
mumble incoherently about 19 feet high and 440 of this and 555 of
that and the nose-less sphinx. As the camera panned the crowd, it
was obvious the majority were completely at a loss, as evidenced
by their slack-jawed stares.
     "Look at all them glazed eyes," Ruby breathed. "Them are worth
$5.50 apiece, and the one thing I'm sure of is I can create that
effect."
     "Amen," said Del, finally hearing something with which she
could agree, and thinking an America ready for Farrakhan might just
be ready for Ruby.
     "Shoot, the freakin' t-shirt concession alone'll make me
rich," Ruby chortled.

                                   -30-