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1994-12-01
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3KB
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82 lines
Daddy's Little Helper
by Greg Borek
Daddy, are we going to Chuck-E-Cheese now? Huh, daddy, huh?
Daddy has to do a little work before we go to Chuck-E-Cheese. Now,
remember our deal - you be a good little girl and play quietly, then
we'll be able to leave quicker.
OK, daddy. I understand. I'll sit here and give you all the support
I can. Can I help you, daddy? I want to help. I've been watching
you too. All you do is push the clicky keys on your keyboard, and I
can do that. Here let me show you. Clickty-clickity-click.
No, dear, daddy doesn't just push the keys in any order like that.
You have to push them in the right order, and that takes a long time
to learn how to do. Now, you can play with this computer over here.
Won't that be fun?
Yeah! I get to play with a computer just like daddy! What can I do?
Here is a nice solitaire game. Did mommy teach you how to play
solitaire?
Yes, daddy. I can play real good. Give me the eeky mouse. Eeky,
eeky, eeky! Whee! This is fun!
Okay, okay, you sit there and play solitaire for a few minutes so
daddy can finish his analysis.
Ana-ly-sis? What's that daddy?
When you analyze something you think really hard about it until you
think of an answer.
Well, can I help you? I can think real good too when I want to study
up on something.
Honey, this is very hard. I think I can figure it out on my own, but
thank you for the offer. Now please be quiet for a little while and
let daddy think.
OK, daddy. I'll sit right here and play my game. <Short Pause>
Daddy, did you make this game?
No, honey. Some other clever people wrote that game. Play a whole
game quietly, from beginning to end, then tell me how you did, OK?
OK, daddy. Let's see. Red ten on a black jack, red five on a black
six, red queen on a red king...hey, it won't go! This game is broke.
Daddy, this game won't play right. Hey!
Honey, please. Play right.
I don't want to play this stupid game anymore anyway. Oh, daddy,
what's keeping you anyway? Why is your program broke?
Broken. It's very complicated, honey, but basically the program used
to run very fast but now that somebody added more data to it, now
that it has more things to think about, it takes much longer than it
used to, and longer than it should. I have to have this working as
fast as it was to show other people tomorrow morning and...
It sounds like your hash table isn't balanced anymore.
WHAT?!?
The function you are using to distribute the data in the hash
table is no longer distributing the data evenly among the buckets.
My God,...that's it! How on earth did you know that?
I saw it on the Barney video. My new Barney video! You know,
"Barney Analyzes Data Structure Performance." Can we go to
Chuck-E-Cheese now? I'm getting hungry, huh, daddy, can we?
--------------
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA.
He has previously been mistaken for a vampire. Netmail to: Greg
Borek at 1:261/1129. Internet: greg.borek@rah.clark.net