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1994-11-08
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Jokes & Quotes v1.5
Copyright 1994, M.L. Wester All rights reserved.
INTRODUCTION
Jokes & Quotes is being distributed as Shareware. Be sure to
read the license agreement at the end of this document or in the
ORDER.FRM file.
Jokes & Quotes is a standalone or NETWORK ready, daily message
display system. The registered version contains over 6000 jokes,
quotes, maxims, antecedents, stories, facts, axioms, platitudes and
more selected from 25 "on screen" categories. (The shareware version
now in your possession contains nearly 4000.) A "broadcast" message
sent to all users makes up the opening screen while special messages
can be sent to individuals or groups based on an environment data
search.
Jokes & Quotes maintains a .SET file for each network user. No
user sees the same quote twice and every user sees something
different. LAN administrators control display content, number of
quotes limits and user specific/global messages by editing the JQ.CFG
file.
Installation on a standalone system consist of copying the files
to a subdirectory then running the program. Installing for LAN use
is just as simple. Copy the files to a subdirectory in a public area
on the server then execute the program by running it from the users
home directory. Jokes & Quotes will automatically create the SET
file and determine where it's configuration and data files are
located. All you got'ta do is run it.
IMPORTANT STUFF
The NUMBER ONE FEATURE of Jokes & Quotes is the content. As an
administrator of a 75 user LAN, I know first hand the diversity and
range of people that inhabit the network world. Little old ladies,
college students, attorneys, corporate managers, atheist, christians,
rednecks and more. What gets diplayed in a public environment has to
be priority #1.
To meet this need I have read every line of text in the Jokes &
Quotes data files and sought to remove controversial references to
sex, politics and religion. These three subjects seem to be the
easiest to do wrong. This includes the rewriting of gender or race
specific text that may be potentially offensive. You can be certain
that there will be something, somewhere that will offend someone, but
I have went to great effort to minimize the chances.
I should also mention that I have tried to include only data
that is positive in nature. There is a lot of fun and entertaining
stuff that promotes the wrong idealogies. Having said this I realize
that a lot of people may disagree as to my judgement on what is
positive or negative, but...such is life. It should also be noted
that some of the jokes deal with mature subjects and may not be
appropriate for children. This does not mean there are any "dirty
jokes", it just means that some of the subject matter is beyond a
pre-adolescent's realm of comprehension.
NOTE: There are certain categories that may not be appropriate
for all network environments such as Lawyer jokes, (Some attorneys
have a weak sense of humor) but I have included them for those who
can appreciate them. All the jokes and quotes in all categories have
been censored for sexually explicit content and vulgar language.
Bear in mind that all categories can be selected or deselected
by individual users so categories that may not appeal to some may
still be used if they appeal to others.
The Association of Shareware Professionals
_______
____|__ | (R)
--| | |-------------------
| ____|__ | Association of
| | |_| Shareware
|__| o | Professionals
-----| | |---------------------
|___|___| MEMBER
Michael L. Wester is a member of the Association of Shareware
Professionals (ASP). The ASP wants to make sure that the shareware
principle works for you. If you are unable to resolve a shareware-
related problem with an ASP member by contacting the member directly,
ASP may be able to help. The ASP Ombudsman can help you resolve a
dispute or problem with an ASP member, but does not provide technical
support for members' products. Please write to the ASP Ombudsman at
545 Grover Road, Muskegon, MI 49442-9427 USA, FAX 616-788-2765 or
send a CompuServe message via CompuServe Mail to ASP Ombudsman
70007,3536.
SHAREWARE
The Jokes & Quotes program is being marketed using the shareware
method. This means you are encouraged to share copies of the
unregistered version for evaluation purposes. If you wish to use
Jokes & Quotes on a regular basis either network or stand-alone you
are required to register with the author. Please read the futher
explanation of shareware and the copyright notice near the end of
this document.
VENDOR INFORMATION
One Line Description
Jokes & Quotes - Network ready, daily quote/message program.
Long Description
Jokes & Quotes is a NETWORK ready, daily message display system.
Nearly 4000 jokes, quotes, stories, maxims and more are selected from
25 "on-screen" categories. Users have options to print quotes,
deselect categories, random select at startup, change colors, enable
screen blanker, reset category to any record and more. Network
features include global messages to all users, special messages to
selected users, limit number of jokes displayed daily, administrator
controlled categories and more. Full mouse support and context
sensitive help.
DISTRIBUTION POLICY
ASP vendor members in good standing are automatically given
permission to distribute Jokes & Quotes. Non-ASP vendors are
required to send notification that you are including my program in
your collection. I do not require Non-ASP vendors to send copies of
their catalogs or meet any specific standards but as I spot check
vendors to examine their distribution methods, I do reserve the right
to prohibit distribution by any vendor I deem unworthy.
Distribution on CD-ROM or rack sales is strictly prohibited
without prior written permission from me, Michael L. Wester. Contact
me. I'll usually give permission.
PROGRAM FEATURES
* Full NETWORK support. Jokes & Quotes has been designed with
features for network administrators and content suitable for the
various users of network systems.
* Lots and lots of jokes, quotes, axioms, maxims, stories, facts,
platitudes, cliches, postulates, proverbs, sayings, adages,
tales, parables etc.....
* Full mouse support. Almost every function of Jokes & Quotes can
be controlled with a mouse.
* Entertaining opening display shows the categories as it slows
down to make it's pick. Sound on or sound off.
* Context sensitive HELP. Every feature is only a keystroke away
from a concise description of what that feature does. It even
has context sensitive information on each category!
* Ability to print Jokes or Quotes to any supported LPT port
including logical network ports and disk files.
* Option to have joke categories randomly selected each time the
program is run.
* Adiminstrators can globally set limits on the number of jokes &
quotes that users can display each day. Jokes & Quotes will
refuse to display until the next day once the limit has been
met.
* Administrators can give unlimited access to individual users.
(Handy for yourself, your buddies and the boss.)
* Displays an "administrator controlled" opening message to every
user each time it is run.
* Can optionally search the user's environment for a specified
string then display a "special" second message. This allows you
to send messages to individual users (Like on their birthday.)
or to entire groups (Like departmental meeting reminders.).
* User configurable colors. All configurations are saved
automatically each time the program is exited.
* User configurable screen saver. On/off or wait from 1 to 99
minutes before "blanking" the screen.
* DEMO mode. Runs the random selection and displays quotes without
intervention until a key is pressed.
* Ability to reset a category to any record. Allows you to review
a passed joke or quote.
* Users have the option to deselect any topics in case they prefer
not view a particular category of jokes.
* Users can have the joke files repeat once the end is reached or
have the category "go inactive".
* Administrators can add to or edit the categories.
* Registered owners receive more than enough categories of
different data files for Jokes & Quotes. Because LAN
environments differ as much as the people who use them this
allows you to tailor the contents of Jokes & Quotes to better
suit your users.
* Jokes & Quotes uses "compressed data" files to increase response
time and reduce network traffic.
INSTALLATION
STANDALONE:
Installing Jokes & Quotes to a standalone computer is as simple
as copying all the files to a subdirectory on your hard drive. A
simple INSTALL program has been included to perform this task.
When you run Jokes & Quotes the first time it will create a
JQ.SET file that contains user configuration information. You should
always run Jokes & Quotes from the same directory or it will create a
JQ.SET file in any directory it is currently logged to. You do not
have to run Jokes & Quotes from the installation directory and it
does not have to be in the PATH. The easiest way to run Jokes &
Quotes is to create a batch file that always changes to the same
directory.
NETWORK:
Installing Jokes & Quotes to a network is as simple as
installing on a standalone machine. Copy all the Jokes & Quotes
files to a subdirectory and installation is complete. An INSTALL
program has been included to perform this task.
Running Jokes & Quotes from a network is as easy as running it
standalone with only minor considerations. Jokes & Quotes
automatically creates a JQ.SET file in it's currently logged
directory the first time it is started. The program determines the
drive and path where it and it's data files reside so it does not
have to be in the PATH and you do not have to run it from it's own
directory.
For operation on a network you MUST NOT execute Jokes & Quotes
from the directory it has been installed to. (If you do it will use
a single JQ.SET file for every user on the network. This would cause
individual user settings to be changed by multiple users and would
cause a sharing violation if more than one user accessed the JQ.SET
file at the same time.)
To run Jokes & Quotes on a network:
1. Change to the user's HOME directory. (Or whatever directory
you wish the JQ.SET file to be stored in.)
2. Execute Jokes & Quotes by supplying the path to where it
has been installed. Example: P:\PUBLIC\JQ\JQ
3. Jokes & Quotes users require only READ rights to the Jokes
& Quotes installation directory.
That's it. Jokes & Quotes will find it's data, help and
configuration files in it's installation directory and create an
individual JQ.SET file in the directory it was logged to when
executed from the user's machine. From now on each user can
configure Jokes & Quotes to suit themselves and the program will
maintain an "in sequence" history of every quote they see so they
never see the same one twice.
USER MANUAL - The following text is suitable for supplying network
users of Jokes & Quotes with a printed user manual.
USING JOKE & QUOTES
Jokes & Quotes has FULL CONTEXT SENSITIVE HELP. You can press
the F1 key anytime to receive helpful information on the currently
selected item. You can even receive interesting and descriptive
information on the individual categories by pressing F1 when a
category is hi-lited.
Using Jokes & Quotes couldn't get much easier. Simply run the
program. It's default configuration will randomly select a category
and display a joke or quote. After the first joke is displayed you
can select another using the ARROW keys or by clicking a category
with the mouse. When you select the SETUP option a second "set-up"
screen will be displayed. Following is a description of each of the
user options on the left side of the setup screen.
Random Select Category At Start
This feature gives you the option of having Jokes & Quotes
randomly select a category and display a quote each time it is run.
If you execute Jokes & Quotes from your AUTOEXEC.BAT file you would
probably want to set this feature on.
After the random selection is made and a quote has been
displayed you may continue to view other quotes by selecting
categories with the ARROW keys or mouse. To reselect the current
category just press ENTER or click the center screen or category with
a mouse. You can stop the random selection process at any time by
pressing a key.
Note: When running from a network your LAN administrator may have
set a limit on the number of quotes displayed per day. If
you see the message "Sorry! That's the limit for today.",
you may wish to ask your administrator to increase the
limit.
Sound On / Off
Jokes & Quotes can make a short clicking sound each time a key
is pressed or the mouse is clicked if this option is set to ON. If
you would rather not hear the sounds set this option to OFF. (No √
to the left.)
Restart Category When Empty
Each joke or quote file contains a limited number of records.
Most categories average between 100 and 300 different sayings. If
you set this option to ON the category file will restart from the
beginning when the end is reached. I you set it to OFF the category
will go "inactive" and will not be available for viewing.
Run Jokes & Quotes DEMO Mode
For whatever reasons you may wish to have Jokes & Quotes run
continously with out keyboard interaction. This option is real handy
if Jokes & Quotes is displaying as a demo in a public environment.
When you set this option to ON the DEMO mode will begin immediately
after you press the ESC key or select EXIT SETUP. You can exit DEMO
mode at any time by pressing a key.
When running in DEMO mode Jokes & Quotes counts the number of
lines being displayed then pauses 2 seconds for each line plus 2
seconds. For example: If three lines are displayed Jokes & Quotes
will wait 8 seconds. 2 seconds for each line + 2 seconds. This
formula seems to allow sufficient time to read the text. (Note: If
the screen contains more than 13 lines Jokes & Quotes will pause only
enough to allow you to read what's on the screen.)
Change Color Configuration
Jokes & Quotes has 8 different color configurations. You can
select each one individually by hi-liting this option and pressing
ENTER or by clicking this option with a mouse.
The number to the left displays the current configuration
number. Jokes & Quotes automatically saves all configuration setting
each time it is exited.
Screen Blanker Wait Time
If your computer is sometimes powered on when you are not there
to press a key Jokes & Quotes could wait infinitely. If computer
monitors are left running with an image on the screen it is possible
for the image to "burn in" so that it can always been seen even when
the computer is switched off.
The Screen Blanker option will blank the screen after a set
number of minutes of no keyboard activity. You can set "wait before
blanking" time from 1 to 99 minutes. If you set the wait period to
0, screen blanking will be disabled.
You can restore a "blanked" screen by pressing a key.
Restart Quotes And Reset Configurations
Selecting this option will reset all categories to record 1 and
all configuration settings to their defaults. Be very careful when
using this option as any sayings already viewed will have to be
reviewed.
The program will prompt you with an "Are You Sure?" message
before the configuration is reset.
Reset A Category To Any Selected Record
This feature allows you to reset any category to any record
within the file. Using this you can return to any joke or quote even
though you may have already viewed it. It is also necessary to reset
a category if it has been replaced with a new one, else you will
begin viewing the new category at whatever position the old one was
at.
To use this feature first hi-lite it then press ENTER or click
it with a mouse. The scroll bar will appear on the right side. Now
use the ARROW keys or mouse to select a category to reset. When you
select the category a window showing the current record will be
displayed. You can set the record to any number from 1 to 999. If
you set it to a number that exceeds the number of records in the
category the category will reset itself to record number one.
Print The Currently Displayed Quote
When you select this option you will be prompted to select the
printer port to send the data to. Jokes & Quotes can send data to
LPT ports one, two and three. Note: You can also select this option
from the main screen by pressing the F7 key.
In addition to printing to a printer, joke data can be sent to an
ASCII text file. Select Print To File then enter a valid DOS
filename. The Drive letter and PATH are optional.
If you are printing to a network printer make sure it can
support printing standard ASCII characters.
Using The Window On The Right Side Of The Setup Screen
On the right side of the set-up screen a list of all available
categories is displayed. You can use the ARROW and ENTER keys to
select and deselect the various categories.
When a category is selected you will be able to view the jokes
and quotes it contains. If it is not selected (The √ is not
displayed.) it will not show on the main view screen and will not be
available for viewing.
NETWORK ADMINISTRATION OF JOKES & QUOTES
THE JQ.CFG FILE...
The network administrator can maintain Jokes & Quotes on several
levels. First, you can control the categories of jokes and quotes
displayed. Second, you can edit any category data to add your own
text or create your own text for Jokes & Quotes to display. Third,
you can place limitations on the number of jokes a user sees in a day
and you can send global messages across the network or send special
messages to selected users. The ideal use of Jokes & Quotes is as a
start-up program run from the AUTOEXEC.BAT file or as a network login
message display system. It makes for a very conveinent method to
pass reminders and messages to everyone or to selected departments or
individuals as they begin their work day.
The network administrator controls Jokes & Quotes by editing the
JQ.CFG files. This file will be located in the directory where Jokes
& Quotes has been installed to.
Inside the JQ.CFG file you will find beginning and ending
delimiters for each feature. Example: [MAXTODISPLAY]. Jokes &
Quotes requires a beginning and ending delimiter for each feature to
function properly.
[OPENING]
The opening is a broadcast message that will appear to every
user across the network. Any text entered between the two [OPENING]
delimiters will be displayed when the program is first started. If a
user has enabled RANDOM SELECTION and the opening message is less
than 13 lines the message will display only until Jokes & Quotes has
made it's selection. This message makes an excellent display for
company logos or slogans.
When entering text for the OPENING message:
1. If the text exceeds 13 lines a scroll bar will appear on
the right of the opening window and the text can be
scrolled up and down.
2. If the text exceeds 48 charcters per line a scroll bar will
appear along the bottom of the opening window and the text
can be scrolled from left to right.
3. If text exceeds 13 lines and the user has random selection
switched ON, random selection will be disabled until after
the ENTER or ESC key is pressed. If the message displaying
is important and less than 13 lines you should add enough
blank lines to cause the random selection to pause until
after the user has read the message.
[MAXTODISPLAY]
The [MAXTODISPLAY] option allows you to limit the number of
sayings per user that Jokes & Quotes will display in a day.
Depending on your office environment somewhere between three and ten
seems to be a good number. Setting MAXTODISPLAY to 0 will allow an
unlimited number of jokes to display.
Jokes & Quotes "remembers" how many quotes a user has viewed and
will allow them to exit and restart Jokes & Quotes as many times as
they like until their daily limit is met.
SPECIAL NOTE: Jokes & Quotes allows you to give individual users
special rights to view an unlimited number of jokes by
editing their individual JQ.SET file. (Real handy for
yourself, your buddies or the boss.) See the section
on THE JQ.SET FILE for details.
[ENVIRONMESSAGE]
The [ENVIRONMESSAGE] is a useful feature of Jokes & Quotes that
allows LAN Administrators to send special messages to selected users
across the network.
This feature is utilized by first defining a "search string" to
locate in the user's environment data then a message to display when
the string is found. This simple system allows you to send messages
to individual users (By searching for their user name.) or selected
groups of users. (By searching for group or print queue
designations.)
1. The first line after the [ENVIRONMESSAGE] delimiter should
be the @ symbol and the string to search for. Example:
@USER. The @ symbol tells Jokes & Quotes that the text
following is the search string. This text can include any
characters and can be up 79 characters long. The SEARCH IS
NOT CASE SENSITIVE and will find any combination of upper
and lower case.
2. Following the search string should be the text you want
displayed. This text can be any length and up to one
hundred lines.
3. For the best effect you should probably limit messages to
13 lines with each being no more than 48 characters. If
you do this the user will be able to view the entire
message without having to scroll up and down or left and
right. (My experience has show that a signifigant number
of users will read only what's on the screen, then press
ESC to get on with their business. If you must exceed the
screen boundries you might want to make the last line on-
screen inform the user that more text follows.)
4. If the text exceeds 13 lines a scroll bar will appear on
the right of the opening window and the text can be
scrolled up and down.
5. If the text exceeds 48 charcters per line a scroll bar will
appear along the bottom of the opening window and the text
can be scrolled from left to right.
6. If text exceeds 13 lines and the user has random selection
switched ON, random selection will be disabled until after
the ENTER or ESC key is pressed. If the message to display
is important and less than 13 lines you should add enough
blank lines to cause the random selection to pause until
after the user has read the message.
[CATEGORIES]
Jokes & Quotes has twenty five on-screen categories. These
categories can be renamed or replaced by editing JQ.CFG. Editing the
category list is very easy but it does have some special
considerations. If you are a LAN administrator, you are very familar
with DOS and probably will not need to read these instructions other
than to discover the less obvious features. You might wish to look
at the JQ.CFG file then make changes in a way that seem most likely.
You'll probably get it right.
1. DO NOT change the position of the fields within the
[CATEGORIES] delimiters. It is very important the data is
read in it's default positions.
2. The first four categories must always be the first four
categories and the SETUP category must always be the
twentieth category.
3. You can move categories around and change their positions.
Just make sure the length of the category name does not
exceed the length of the display area on the main screen.
It will be truncated if it does.
4. The four corners of Jokes & Quotes main screen have topics
that consist of four line categories. All the rest are
single line categories. When editing categories in the
JQ.CFG file the first four lines represent the four corners
of the main screen. When you look you will see there are
five comma delimited fields for each of the four lines.
The first four fields are the text that is displayed for
that category. The last field is the name of the file
containing the data.
5. All the rest of the categories have two comma delimited
fields. The first is the text that is displayed on screen
and the second is the category filename.
The following screen shows the order in which the ARROW keys
move around the screen. With the exception of the four corners this
is also the order they appear in the [CATEGORIES] configuration of
the JQ.SET file.
.---------------------.---------------------.
| | 2 | 3 | |
| 1 |-----------|-----------| 4 |
| | 5 | 6 | |
| |-----------------------| |
|---------| |---------|
| 7 | | 8 |
|---------| |---------|
| 9 | | 10 |
|---------| |---------|
| 11 | | 12 |
|---------| |---------|
| 13 | | 14 |
|---------| |---------|
| 15 | | 16 |
|---------| |---------|
| 17 | | 18 |
|---------| |---------|
| 19 | | 20 |
|---------| |---------|
| |-----------.-----------| |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| |-----------|-----------| |
| | 25 | 26 | |
|_________|___________|___________|_________|
THE JQ.SET FILE...
The JQ.SET file is maintained entirely by the Jokes & Quotes
program and should require no attention on your part. It does
however, have one special feature variable that is designed for you
to edit. See INDIVIDUAL MAX TO DISPLAY for an explaination.
Although it is not necessary I have included the following
listing of what each variable is just in case you should ever find
the need to edit some part of the user configuration.
0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0, - Category record #
"11111111111111111111111111" - Selected/deselected
1 - Random select off/on
1 - Sound off/on
1 - Restart empty file
0 - Screen blanker wait
1 - Color set
0 - Max to display
"01-01-1995" - Date program exited
0 - Individual maxdisplay
CATEGORY RECORD # - This set of twenty six variables contain the
current record number for each category. Should you ever need to
reset a category it would be easier to let Jokes and Quotes do it
from the setup screen.
SELECTED/DESELECTED - This represents categories being switch on or
off from within the Jokes & Quotes setup screen. 0 = Off - 1 = On
RANDOM SELECT - Switch to allow Jokes & Quotes to randomly select a
category at start-up. 0 = Off - 1 = On
SOUND ON/OFF - Switch to allow Jokes & Quotes to make sound when
using arrow keys or mouse. 0 = Off - 1 = On
RESTART EMPTY FILE - Switch to tell Jokes & Quotes to restart or
deselect a data file that has been viewed completely. 0 = Off - 1
= On
COLOR SET - This is a variable representing the currently selected
color set used by the user. Always 1 to 8.
SCREEN BLANKER - This is the number of minutes the user has chosen to
wait before the screen is blanked if no key is pressed. 0 = off.
MAX TO DISPLAY - This is the current count of viewed jokes for the
current date. Users can exit and restart Jokes & Quotes as many
times a day as they like until the administrator set limit is
reached.
DATE PROGRAM EXITED - This is the date the program was last exited.
It is used to determine when the limit set by [MAXTODISPLAY] can be
reset.
INDIVIDUAL MAX TO DISPLAY - This is a special feature! Jokes and
Quotes never changes this number, it just reads it and maintains it.
When you set a [MAXTODISPLAY] number in the JQ.CFG file every user on
the LAN is affected. If for some reason you would like to give
certain users unlimited rights to Jokes & Quotes (Like yourself, your
buddies or the boss.) you can edit this parameter in their individual
JQ.SET to give them any number of jokes per day up to 32000. Jokes &
Quotes will reset their max to whatever this number is set to.
CREATING YOUR OWN JOKES & QUOTES DATA
Jokes & Quotes will read standard ASCII text files. It uses a
very simple look-up system that allows it to maintain record specific
data for each user. The following notes are points to consider when
entering text for Jokes & Quotes to display.
1. The first line of each quote should be the ~ symbol or the
^ symbol followed by a number. The numbers should start
with one and continue on incrementing one at the time. The
first line must contain nothing but the ~ or ^ and a
number. This number serves as a record number.
2. Jokes & Quotes uses a "low yield (about 35% compression),
lower case only, alpha only, lightning fast (Unnoticable on
a 4.77 mhz PC), compression algorithim. Record numbers
starting with ~ will be decompressed, record numbers
starting with ^ will not. If your text contains ANY HIGH
ASCII characters DO NOT use decompression. If your text
contains high ASCII characters use the ^ character to turn
off decompression. (See the ASCIIART file for example.)
Note: Jokes & Quotes will read standard ASCII text
unmodified. You can even add standard text to one of the
compressed files and Jokes & Quotes will display it.
2. Immediately following the record number should be the text
to display. This text, if less than 13 lines will be
automatically centered on the screen.
3. Jokes & Quotes can display text any length up to 100 lines
long by using the PgUp/PgDn and ARROW keys. It is
recommended that text be formatted so that it is not
necessary to scroll left and right.
4. The maximum length of text to display without scrolling is
48 characters per line and 13 lines per screen.
5. Jokes & Quotes uses compressed data but will read standard
ASCII text without modification. The compressed data files
included with Jokes & Quotes can be edited to include
standard ASCII text.
6. The filename for the data file must be entered into the
JQ.CFG file along with a descriptive title.
7. Help data for new categories can be created. (See section
on Editing the Help File.)
EDITING THE JOKES & QUOTES HELP FILE
The JQ.HLP file contains all the help data used by Jokes &
Quotes including the background information applied to each category.
If you add categories to Jokes & Quotes you should add corrosponding
help data for each new category.
The lookup method employed by the help system is virtually
identical to the lookup for the data files. Jokes & Quotes scans the
help files until it finds a help topic name. If it does not find a
matching help topic to reports "No Help Found!".
Note: The JQ.HLP file contains help information on all the
categories supplied with the Jokes & Quotes program. For the help
data on additional topics to be accessable, without editing the
JQ.HLP file, you should use the names for topics supplied in the
WHATUGET.LST file.
1. Enter standard text up to 72 characters long and up to 100
lines per topic.
2. The help topic's "lookup" name must be the same as it's
data filename.
3. Enter the "lookup" name in UPPERCASE beginning it with a ~
character. (View the JQ.HLP file for examples.)
4. The JQ.HLP file like all of Jokes & Quotes data files must
reside in the Jokes & Quotes installation directory.
You are free to add your own or edit any of the existing help
information as long as it falls within the previous guidelines.
WHERE DID ALL THIS STUFF COME FROM?
One of the most common questions I'm asked about Jokes & Quotes
is where did all the material come from. Well, the fact is it came
from a lot of places. By far, the bulk of it came from public domain
sources. Some is original material produced by my wife and myself
and some has been collected from the many people I have known in my
life. There are even some people who will be really surprised to
find themseleves quoted on things I remember they said from ten or
more years ago.
Most of this material was a real surprise to me. Jokes & Quotes
started out as an extremely simple program I wrote to display a new
message every day on our network login screen. The material for this
"simple" program was typed in by me from old books, magazines and
things people would tell me. The original file contained about 100
jokes and quotes. It was this data that got me started.
After the concept for Jokes & Quotes began to form it very
quickly became apparent that I needed more material...so, I started
looking. For many moons I roamed the BBS's and CD-ROM collections
ever searching for the strings "joke" or "quote". I was overwhelmed.
What I found was dozens and dozens of text files containing hundreds
of jokes and scads of quotes. Bear in mind that I must have searched
a hundred BBS's all across the nation. Sometimes different files
would contain complete segments of the same material. (I also found a
lot of programs that display quotes similar to the way Jokes & Quotes
does. Unless they were public domain or freeware I didn't use their
material. I did note however, that most of the material in these
programs could be found in the same text files that I did use.) Of
course all these jokes and quotes were mixed up together. There were
very few collections of similar types of material. After MANY long
HOURS of sorting and formatting I came up with the various categories
you find here.
Writing the Jokes & Quotes program and reading the 10,000 or so
jokes and quotes considered for inclusion has really been an
enlightning experiance. I have read so much wit and wisdom that I
could probably entertain Confucius and talk shop with Aristotle and
Gandi. (Yes, I really have read every line of data in Jokes & Quotes
and several thousand more that were rejected. There's a tremendous
amount of dirty jokes that I didn't use.)
I sincerely hope that you will enjoy using the Jokes & Quotes
program as much as I have enjoyed writing it and collecting the data.
Besides being entertaining there really is some life enriching
material to be had here. So have fun!
SHAREWARE
Shareware is software marketed on a "Try before you buy" basis.
The price per disk that Shareware distributors charge is a
distribution fee and not the price of the software. Shareware
authors have agreed to allow vendors to recover expenses for copying,
packaging, and maintaining a shareware library. This allows you to
obtain software programs at incredibly low prices to try, then pay
the registration price for them only if they suit your needs. The
idea is that after a reasonable trial period, if you find the
programs to be of use, you are expected to send the author the
registration fee.
Registration entitles you to various rights and benefits. These
range from the legal (and moral) right to continue using the
software. In addition many shareware authors offer printed
documentation and/or higher levels of service and support. Unlike
Public Domain software, which is free to everyone with no fees asked
for or expected, shareware programs exist because the authors expect
and deserve the registration support from people who use their
programs.
So that's Shareware. If you like it, support it!
REGISTRATION
The shareware message will not be displayed on any registered
version of Jokes & Quotes. Registered users will receive the latest
version of Jokes & Quotes and a printed copy of the manual. (Laser
printed booklet.)
Registered users of Jokes & Quotes will receive additional data
files comprising enough categories to allow some selection concerning
what categories are displayed.
DISCLAIMER
Under no circumstances shall Michael L. Wester be liable for any
damages, including lost profits, savings, or any other incidental or
consequential damages arising out of the use of or inability to use
this program even if Michael L. Wester has been notified of the
possibility of such damages, or for any claims by any other party.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Jokes & Quotes is copyrighted 1994 by Michael L. Wester. All
rights reserved. The Jokes & Quotes program may not be sold under any
circumstances. The shareware version of Jokes & Quotes may be
distributed for evaluation purposes only. It cannot be distributed as
part of a promotional offer or bundled with hardware, software, or
printed material without the written permission of Michael L. Wester.
Jokes & Quotes may not be distributed on CD-ROM (Compact Disk Read Only
Memory) without express written permission from Michael L. Wester.