DP Tool Club 12/CD_ASCQ_12_0294.iso/vrac/sly13cb.zip/RETIRE_H.ERE

Text File | 1993-11-04 | 13KB | 234 lines

                 David P Beiter
               1/2 Fast Software Div of
                   CAVE, Inc
                 1/2 Fast Road
                   Ritner, KY  42639
                 606/376-3137

                  06 Oct 93

Dear Analog Coprocessor:

Are you interested in cheap land in The Boonies?  Here is an update of land for
sale in and around Wayne County, Kentucky.  Note that most of this is rural
land with no or old buildings.  If you want a house in the city, then go talk
to a realtor.  I am not a realtor.  My interest is in cheap backwoods land with
little value other than a place to build a shack, grow a garden, and pasture a
cow.  If that's what you want, then perhaps we can do business.

You don't get somethin' for nothin'.  There is no public transportation system,
no police, no fire department, no jobs, horrible schools (but the County School
Bored is home school-friendly), the nation's highest illiteracy rate, the
nation's highest birth rate to girls less than fifteen years of age, etc, etc.
In general, all of the things which you would expect from a third world country
but with the old familiar language, law, & money.  Sorta.  It might even be a
good place to which to move a small business.  Obviously I'm not the Chamber of
Commerce, but I might be able to find what information you need.

I am not a realtor.  I am a retired geochemist.  Realtors represent sellers
looking for a buyer.  I consult with buyers who are looking for a seller.

I do not operate like the standard realtor.  I don't keep a front office in
town with a receptionist, secretary, and daycare administrator.  I'm not even
interested in becoming rich.  Ritner (pop 25) is at the edge of The Boonies,
halfway between Denney's Gap and Jones' Holler, if you drive an amphibious
jeep.  Or it is halfway between Slavans and Freedom by canoe.  If you want to
do personal business with me, you must come to my farm.  And unless you are
curious about my reception for the local drunks, you'll have an appointment.

Appointment: $25 1½ weeks in advance (preferably by check payable to CAVE,
Inc).  You get your money back if you show up here at your specified day &
time.  I keep Central Time.  I'll even leave the gate unlocked.  If I'm not
here, you get an apology and triple your money back.  Special dispensation for
N.S.S.  and acquaintances of over 20 years duration: just call 1½ hours ahead.

I'll show you any of the places, or hunt for something else that fits your
specs, for $25 per ½ day.  This is deductible from my 5% Finders Fee, so you
pay only if I am wasting my time.  Thus, it is to the advantage of both of us
for you to tell me beforehand exactly for what you are looking.  If you don't
know for what you are looking, then I'm not likely to be of much help finding
it.

You owe me a 5% Finders Fee on the purchase price, if and when you buy.
Elsewise nothing.  For this you get a preliminary land survey, a preliminary
title search, and a geologist's opinion of the mineral and water resources.  I
do not negotiate price or arrange financing.  I am not a realtor.

Lake Cumberland is an artificial lake, damned [sic joke] in 1952.  The Lake is
100 miles long, has a surface area of 50,000 acres, and a shoreline of 1200
miles.  It is a popular fishing and recreation area.  Good hunting too.  There
is no private lakefront land.  The Corpse [sick] of Engineers owns all land
fronting on Lake Cumberland.  This strip of government land is usually about a
hundred feet wide between the property and the actual water.

Quad refers to the USGS topographic map.  Topo maps are available for
inspection at your local University Geology/Geography Dept Library.  They may
be purchased for less than $5@ from Timely Discount Topos, Inc.  800/821-7609

Some folks are willing to play Banker; that is, ¼ down & 10 year payoff.  Some
would even play Uncle Sap; that's $100 down and $100 per month for 8762
months.  These places generally have the mineral rights, timber rights, water
rights, access rights, and right rights unless otherwise stated.

Monticello (pop 7000) is the county seat of Wayne County (pop 17,700), KY.
There are no building codes, no health codes, and no zoning for farm dwellings
in Wayne County.  Taxes are about $0.70 per $100 of deed value.  That's per
year, not per week.

The electric company will run 1000 feet of line free.  Then it costs you about
$4 per foot.  For alternative energy (solar, wind, hydro), contact Vertis M.
Bream, Energy Options, 1755 Coon Rd, Aspers, PA 17304.  717/677-6721

I do not supply pinup pictures.  I have some photos of some of these
properties, but there usually isn't much to see in the woods but trees.  Send
me $10 and I'll send you a set of prints which should be of great interest to a
botanist.

What's wrong?  There's something wrong with every place.  If it were not so,
then you couldn't afford it.  Or else it would be long ago sold.  The trick is
to find a place where what's wrong don't matter.  Or better yet, is a benefit.

Here's what I know at present.  Or think I know.

14 Acres, top of hill west of Sandy Valley; 36 acres, south of Jimtown; 62
acres between Wind Cave & Horse Pound Ridge; 125 acres, Hall Hollow; 138 acres,
west bank of Dry Hollow.  All woods.  All hilly to cliffy, some small patches
of flat land.  All lousy to horrible access.  Wayne Co, KY.  Powersburg Quad.
What's wrong?  I've not seen these, so I don't know.  Owned by a large
corporation who takes written bids.  Probably around $200 per acre.

6.5 Acres, $3500.  Woods fronting on Lake Cumberland.  Bugwood, Wayne Co, KY.
Jabez Quad.  What's wrong?  There are a bunch of dead people in the road.

1 acre, $8,000.  4-room shack, well water at porch, outhouse, electricity, tiny
garden.  Path to Lake Cumberland.  Gravel road.  Cracker Neck (pop 50) Pulaski
Co, KY.  Burnside Quad.  What's wrong?  You tell me.  It is kinda touristy.

54 Acres, $8000.  Woods, big timber has been cut in part.  It will be cheaper
if they cut the rest of it.  Near Burrfield, Wayne Co, KY.  I've not seen it.

6 Acres, $12,000.  5 adjacent lots in a rural subdivision of Monticello.  All
pastureland.  Paved road, city water, electricity, phone.  Shaw Valley, Wayne
Co, KY.  Coopersville Quad.  What's wrong?  Subdivision lots for pseudoyuppies.

110 Acres, $12,000.  Wooded hills and grown over fields on Lake Cumberland.
Parnell, Wayne Co, KY.  Jabez Quad.  What's wrong?  I couldn't find it.

100 Acres, $12,500; 200 Acres, $25,000; 200 Acres, $25,000.  National Park
kinda land.  All trees & rocks.  100 foot cliffs in places.  Several
rockhouses.  One on the 100 acre tract is 200 feet wide & 100 feet deep; big
enuf for the whole tribe.  6½ mile jeeptrail from Pickett Park, TN.  Middle of
Nowhere (pop 0) Wayne Co, KY.  Pall Mall TN Quad.  What's wrong?  Not suitable
for permanent habitation by white man.  The rockhouse has become a local party
place.  Wanna have your own forest preserve?

30 Acres, $15,000.  Stoney Acres.  Lake Cumberland.  Garden, a couple acres of
pasture, rest woods.  2 springs, creek, pond.  Barn, no house.  Electricity &
phone installed.  On KY Rt 92, 10 miles to Monticello.  Piney Woods (pop 100)
Wayne Co, KY.  Jabez Quad.  What's wrong?  You are paying for Lake Cumberland.

67 Acres, $16,000.  Mostly north facing wooded hillside, with a few acres of
overgrown fields.  Small spring, plus frontage on creek & Lake Cumberland.
Dirt road.  Delta, Wayne Co.  Coopersville Quad.  Joins tract below.  What's
wrong?  The creek has been hidden in a cave by an underground conspiracy of
deep ecologists.  Lake Cumberland frontage only during high water, but then the
road is flooded.

91 Acres, $19,000.  Its own little valley.  All woods, tho there were a couple
homesteads there in the past.  Several springs.  Gravel road to edge.  Brammer
Hill, Wayne Co.  Coopersville Quad.  Joins tract above.  What's wrong?  The
road down into the hollow has not been maintained for years.

40 acres, $20,000.  Long frontage on pavement, goes to government line on Lake
Cumberland.  Mostly cutover woods, some overgrown fields.  Joins Stoney Acres
tract across Rt 92, since renumbered to Rt something else.

120 Acres, $25,000.  No buildings.  Mostly south face.  About 20 acres of rocky
fields, the rest in woods.  Includes 2300 feet of The Little South Fork of The
Cumberland River, a genuine "Wild and Scenic River".  On gravel road at Ritner,
KY.  Mostly in Wayne Co, KY with a footbridge to about 20 acres in McCreary
Co.  Coopersville & Nevelsville Quads.  What's wrong?  Big Brother owns The
River.  Two time zones.  High tension lines.

600 acres, $25,500.  All woods on Sulphur Springs Mountain (pop 10), Wayne Co,
KY.  5 miles to Monticello.  Parnell Quad.  Bank terms.  What's wrong?
Delicious mineral water, has commercial potential as a cockroach killer.  The
Amazing Shrinking Forest.  Last I heard, it was down to about 117 acres, and
still shrinking.  Believe it's 600 acres and get a bargain!  Utilities
undetermined.

53 Acres, $68,000.  All woods (timber worth $10,000+) except for a couple acres
of organically grown orchards (50+ trees) & gardens.  6 beehives, 2 water wells,
several springs.  3 houses: #1, 14x70 1982 model "manufactured home" [what I
used to call a trailer], with additional carport, utility room & sunroom.  All
electric, brick foundation, septic system, all appliances, wood stove.  #2,
34x46 hand built house with 3 bedrooms & sleeping loft, combination kitchen-
dining-living room, full drive-in basement with loading dock, machine shop &
commercial woodworking shop.  #3, 12x16x2 story guest house.  24x60 concrete
pad for a factory or maybe just a big garage.  1982 model Ford 1300 4WD tractor
with plow, disc harrow, bushhog, Ph.D.  [Posthole Digger], & 2 wagons.  Might
divide out machinery & timber.  End of little used gravel road, mile from
pavement.  Powersburg Quad.  Located at Chestnut Grove (pop 100) 15 miles to
Monticello, KY; 3 miles to Bald Rock, TN.  What's wrong?  No pasture.  For more
info: Billy Brusewitz, Rt 86, Bx 366, Monticello, KY 42633.

264 acres, $70,000.  About 10 acres in cleared fields along a creek, the rest
is woods.  An old family farm.  Electricity, spring water, but no house.  A big
barn tho.  Back by itself a half mile from a paved road at Cedar Hill, Wayne
Co, KY.  Coopersville Quad.  What's wrong?  Seems overpriced, but I've not
looked at it.

145 Acres [187.0 if you can believe our government], $75,000 plus $15,000 for
the timber.  1/2 Fast Farm.  10 acres cropland, 50 acres rocky pasture, [Big
Brudder thinks there are 52.3 acres of cropland!] fenced & crossfenced, balance
woods.  Mile middleage & surrounded on 3 sides by The Little South Fork of The
Cumberland River, a "Wild & Scenic River".  5-room slightly modernized Civil
War vintage log house, springwater, electricity, phone.  2 barns, 2 sheds,
garage.  Mile private driveway, 18 miles to Monticello.  Ritner (pop 25) Wayne
Co, KY.  Coopersville & Nevelsville Quads.  What's wrong?  This is my home.
Wanna play Nature Conservancy?

375 acres, $70,000; 850 acres, $165,000; 1575 acres, $305,000.  Assorted woods
in Scott Co TN.  Have your own private National Forest!

100+ Acres, $85,000.  50 acres fields, fenced & cross fenced.  5 ponds.  ¼ mile
frontage on Lake Cumberland.  6-room & bath house, electricity & phone,
cistern, 2 springs, 2 barns.  Paved road.  Echo Point (a vacation area on Lake
Cumberland) Pulaski Co, KY.  Burnside Quad.  What's wrong?  Nothing, if you
want to live in a tourist trap.  Could be subdivided; there's even some lake
lots surveyed out.

800 Acres.  Can be cut up.  Mostly hills, cliffs, some flat land here & there.
We are still dickering, but I'd say about $200 per acre.  This is a minor oil
production area.  You might even get an oil well in the bargain!  Hog Mtn,
Wayne Co, KY.  Powersburg Quad.

There are many more similar places available.  Many are "kinda" for sale.
Oftentimes the owner wants to take a look at the prospective neighbors before
deciding if the place is really for sale or not.  If the owner likes you, if he
needs the money, if you have cash, and if you are a good negotiator, then you
might find a good deal.  There can be some real bargains, but don't expect them
to wait on you.  It is possible to find usable land for $200 per acre, probable
at $300, and for $500 per acre the choice is vast.  Since I am not a realtor, I
have better things to do than look for people who want to list their property.

There are also some places for rent here.  $100 a month rents a shack &
outhouse, $200 gets an inhouse.  This would be a good way to see if the county
is good enuf for you.  If so, then it would be a good way to scout for land to
buy.

If you don't have any questions for me, then I have some questions for you!
Fill out the enclosed land spec sheet and perhaps I can find something else for
you.

Yours truly,


David P Beiter

When elephants and jackasses fight over the turf, it's the grass which loses.
                                                                   -Confusionus