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===================================================================== = = = Historical Note: = = = = For background information, please see = = "Documentary examines adoration of 'The King:' = = Fervor for Elvis has all the trappings of a = = religion," The Milwaukee Sentinel, January 28, = = 1994, p. 3A, from the Associated Press. = = = = = ===================================================================== DON'T FEAR THE RUPTURE! ELVITES WILL BE PROTECTED! ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = = (0) PRESS HERE FOR COMPULSARY UPLOAD TO NEURO.MEM.UNITyour#. = = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO APPLY FOR LASERCODE OF DEBAUCHERY WITH FULL = = SYSTEM PRIVILEGES = = = ===================================================================== INTRODUCTION As a direct result of Information Highway hijackings by the all- female Canadian Data Privateers Canadiennes, the arrival of the phenomenon known as "the Rupture" may be imminent. Elvis has expressed His deep concern to all classifications of persons in Sectors 102.8 through 689.0. [Neo-Emergent Cryo-Snoozers' Note: "The Rupture" is the colloquial term for the inevitable collapse and actual tearing of everyday reality when the number known or recorded facts passes the critical point P. It is thought that this disasterous imbalance was precipitated by the proliferation of primitive "BBS" messaging systems in the late Twentieth Century.] The Hawking Brain at Cambridge warns that we should expect occasional intersections of parallel lines at points that approach infinity, and fluctuating changes in the speed of light. However, the amount of matter in the cosmos is expected to change only slightly during the Rupture. The general public are urged to stay home and plug into their B.O.N.G. Hedo-Units until the "All Groovy" signal is given. WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE RUPTURE? It's almost impossible to get any two persons to agree on their theories of the Rupture. With so many opinions about the Rupture, is it possible to know the truth? Wouldn't Elvis, the head of the Celestial Battleship Command, be able to predict the exact time and nature of such an important event? Why is it that the first officers of the Celestial Battleship Command left no datafiles to warn Elvis that a Rupture was going to occur? What benefit would Senator Jesse Helms and the Immortal Sinatra gain if the Celestial Battleship Command adopted the Rupture theory? Regardless of what you think about the Rupture theory, and regardless of whether you believe the Pre-Whining, the Mid- Snivelling, or the Post-Pouting scenario, that in itself will not affect your Immortality Status Credits, as long as you don't accept the Lasercode of Debauchery. This Lasercode represents pseudo-psychic ownership, and physical ownership of your BioChem account data. The pseudo-psychic aspect is obvious, but the physical aspect is not. EVEN ELVIS HAS PROBLEMS Elvis, in consultation with the Clam Goddess, expressed his grave concern after the cataclysms that followed the Thanato-Droid Lyndon LaRouche's latest presidential campaign. The LaRouche campaign unloosed an inexcusable torrent of trivial and irrelevant information, much of it concerning the Bavarian Cream Illuminatoids and the dynastic rulers of the Planet Windsor/Mountbatten. Overwhelmed by zoomphobytes of crypto-Rushdoonian data, the Celestial Battleship Command fell into the great error of announcing that it won't be possible for true Elvites to receive the Lasercode of Debauchery, because the Celestial Battleship Command will be "Ruptured out" prior to the Lasercode of Debauchery being given to the Low-Status Penal Sectors' inhabitants. This view is obviously not correct, according to "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 941:99, which says: "And I saw Barca- Loungers, and the June Taylor Dancers sat upon them and valuable premiums were given to them. But alas, no substitutions were permitted. And I saw the Personal MemROMs of those who had been dis-Internetted because of the testimony of Elvis, and those who had not worshiped 8-Trak ErotoChips, and had not received the Lasercode upon their forehead and upon their abdominal receptor. And they came to life and mooched around Graceland with the King for a thousand years." Since we can expect the Lasercode of Debauchery to appear simultaneously with the reign of the Anti-Elvis during the Period of Obligatory Whining, there will obviously be Elvites around who will not meet official criteria for receiving the Lasercode of Debauchery. The Celestial Battleship Command also says this Lasercode (0100101100101100) could be disguised as a Harley tattoo, a bad bruise, or some kind of Data-Mplant placed in the abdominal receptor or the forehead, just like the barcodes now required for CPAs and mego-corporate executives in Sectors 922.9 through 402.5. Let's assume that the Celestial Battleship Command's entire fleet was Ruptured right out through a huge hole in the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement area of physical reality. Would the all- female Canadian Data Privateers Canadiennes transmit a number that the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement is looking for? This is unlikely because this would be obvious and a blatant move on the part of the Immortal Sinatra and his almost unconquerable Ratpacktors. [Neo-Emergent Cryo-Snoozers' Note: Yes! The Immortal Sinatra is the same entity who used to be Frank Sinatra, the person. He was one of the first to convert his real estate holdings to Immortality Status Credits.] Remember, Elvis said that the Immortal Sinatra is the master deceiver. And if Senator Jesse Helms gave the persons of the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement a physical Lasercode (0100101100101100), the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement would recognize this. Why? Because if a large portion of the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement's population had just disappeared, it would substantiate what the Elvites had proclaimed. It would also prove the Elvites' traditional teachings that the Itch With No Name would result from taking this Lasercode, the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement would band together against him. The Celestial Battleship Command is in error about the Lasercode of Debauchery and their claim of the Elvites' non-involvement with this Lasercode. Elvis said, "This Lasercode would be in the abdominal receptor and the forehead." This is symbolic. Notice, Elvis said "the abdominal receptor and the forehead", not "the abdominal receptor OR the forehead." Why would you have a physical number in both places? The surest way to recognize this Lasercode is by the definition Elvis gave us. Elvis said, "You would neither be able to learn new facts nor to convey old facts, unless you received the Lasercode of Debauchery". In "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 09:6, Elvis said, "Furthermore, you shall be condemned to read only The Militant henceforward. Thou shalt see sub-headings nevermore." The acceptance of the Lasercode of Debauchery means that you are voluntarily participating in the use of evil barcodes and that if you refuse, you won't be able to hear anything new or repeat anything old in this Rushdoonian system. The Limbaugh Dictatorship is passing legislation right now that will make it illegal to be paid by cash or check for any job, by anyone, unless you run an InfoWhore Terminal with Federation- licensed, virus-free librarians. As a sector-dwelling person, you would have to provide a Masturbation Allowance Card, even if all you want is a friendly chat with your next-pod neighbor. This means you won't be able to absorb data without using this Lasercode; so how are you going to learn anything new without receiving this Lasercode? You are already required to have this Lasercode in order to tell jokes in public. You're already required to have this number if you want to take advantage of your allotment of Authorized Biannual DataRomps! NO LASERCODE, NO DEBAUCHERY How about the fact that you are now required to obtain a Masturbation Allowance Card for each infant in your newborn child-litter. This, along with the Compulsory Jury Nullification Act, was the top of the slippery slope that's now leading us to the Lasercode of Debauchery. Elvis assures us that it's still possible to avoid using our Masturbation Allowance Cards, but this will soon change. With the Nixon Institute programs that are now in place, you have the option of voluntary participation. For the next twelve time-arcs, you can refuse to accept these gender-bending benefits. However, the use of this number and the acceptance of the Armed Citizenry programs will insure your final acceptance of the Lasercode of Debauchery. You will be made totally reliant on the government through these social programs, especially with Sister Clarice Marie's National Sexual Gratification Plan. The option of voluntary acceptance on the part of the Vespugi Sector persons will soon be removed. Sister Clarice Marie, the current Pope, was asked in Planetary Governing Board hearings on the Universal Sexual Gratification Plan, what would be done if someone did not want to take part in the new Sexual Gratification Plan? The Pope's roommate, InfoWhore's General Madame, Nancy Reagan Onassis, said: "It would be illegal for you not to have this number or Sexual Gratification Card. If you went to an InfoHouse or a clinic to receive services, and you could not produce your Sexual Gratification Card or you refused to reveal your number, you would immediately be entered into the system and given a number and a card. If you refuse, your property will be forfeit to pay the virtual as well as the real charges incurred. As any authorized sector resident can surmise, this further meets the qualifications that Elvis set forth concerning the Lasercode of Debauchery. The problem is a majority of the Celestial Battleship Command will accept the Lasercode, because to recognize this Lasercode would mean that they must face the fact that the Rupture did not occur as they believed it would. To admit this would destroy the faith of many Elvites in the Celestial Battleship Command. Others in the Celestial Battleship Command will accept the Lasercode because to refuse would mean adapting to a lower oxy- hydro allowance than is now normal in their sector. There will be many Elvites that will be martyred because they came home from DisneyMoon and refused to accept the Lasercode of Debauchery. Elvis said in "Science Club Activities For Radioactive Orphans," 0:14, "Know ye that I am the King, you know. The real problem around here is these unsightly ChemSlaves who come out of the great Period of Obligatory Whining, and they have washed their toes in the bodily fluids of the Holy Herbivore." WHO'S GOING TO BE IN BIG TROUBLE Elvis said in "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 20:4: "And I saw Barca-Loungers, and the June Taylor Dancers sat upon them, and hors d'oevres were offered to them. Nothing fancy, just some nice finger-food. And I saw the souls of those who had been dis- Internetted because of the testimony of Elvis and because of the money-back guarantee of the Mother Pod, and those who had not worshiped at the Dan Quayle Shrine of Theocracy, and had not received the Lasercode upon their forehead and upon their abdominal receptor; and they came to life and reigned with the King at Graceland for a thousand years, plus collecting a generous cut of the souvenir stand revenues." Elvis said in "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 18:4:, "I heard another voice from the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas, saying. "Come out of the Mother Pod, you subject persons, that you may not participate in Her sins and that you may not receive of Her plagues. And hey, don't worry about the Ratpacktors." This brings us to the Rupture theory. Non-immortal sector inmates must realize there is a difference between the Celestial Battleship Command's officially regulated datafiles concerning the Rupture and what Elvis said was the corporeal resurrection of the Jordanaires. First, there is the Celestial Battleship Command's official position, which is that, prior to the Period of Obligatory Whining period, the Celestial Battleship Command will be Ruptured out of this Humanoid Quarantine Cachement and go to the Post- Euthanasia Holding Areas to boogy on down with Elvis for two dozen years. During this time, while the Anti-Elvis rules certain sectors, there will be mass destruction, caused by wars and overcrowding at theatres showing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. At the end of the two dozen years, Elvis will first send out for pizza but later will dress in a very tight jumpsuit and defeat Senator Jesse Helms and the Immortal Sinatra with the Celestial Battleship Command at His side. This will be some trick, because they're not on speaking terms with Elvis. At this point in time, Elvis returns in glory and His Celestial Battleship Command is called up to meet Him near the SkyBoxSAT to receive our Immortality Status Credits. After Elvis redecorates the Low-Status Penal Sectors, we then return to our previously- assigned sectors and await his arrival in glory. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = ===================================================================== By the splendor of Elvis' spectacular weight loss, new costumes, and triumphant return to VegasSAT, Senator Jesse Helms and the Immortal Sinatra will be destroyed. Elvis then rules with His Celestial Battleship Command over His Kingdom for 1000 years, or 100,000 miles, whichever comes first. This mandatory document presents disinformation from both sides of the issue, so that you can decide, based on the Mother Pod's money-back guarantee, what is really going to take place. The Celestial Battleship Command uses the following documents to support the Rupture theory, found in "Science Club Activities For Radioactive Orphans," 9:20-21: {20} "But our citizenship is in the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas. And we eagerly await a positive result from there, the King Elvis the King, {21} who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly Mortality Deficit Tok-N-Chips, so that they will be like His glorious body." "Immortal Sinatra's First 100 Years: An Unauthorized Data-Flame" 2:6-8: {6} says "And now you know what is holding him back, so that He may be revealed at the proper time." {0} "For the secret power of Creeping Meatballism is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so until some point in time at which He is taken out of the DataNode." {8} "And then the anti-immortals will be revealed, whom the King Elvis will overthrow with the golden notes of His mouth and destroy by the splendor of His VegasSAT comeback." The Celestial Battleship Command says the one holding back the Anti-Elvis is Tinkerbell and that when the Celestial Battleship Command is Ruptured out, before the Period of Obligatory Whining, Tinkerbell will also bug out. This will allow the Anti-Elvis to come on the scene. The first problem with this is that Elvis muttered ruefully in "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 0:14: "Uh, oh yeah ... These are the guys who pop up somewhere around the great Period of Obligatory Whining, and they have washed their toes and ... then there's that part about ... oh yeah ... the bodily fluids of the Holy Herbivore.", which obviously means that there are persons who give their soul to rock'n'roll during the Period of Obligatory Whining. This could not take place without the presence of Tinkerbell and her all-pixie orchestra. WARNINGS FROM THE PAST On 10::4300::2003, Senator Robert Byrd (who was, at the time, still a biological entity) gave a one-hour dissertation on the Senate floor on the parallels between the Voidoid law and the laws of the Vespugi Sector and the parallels between these two governments. He also said, "Hey, guys, this government is dying the same death for the same reasons." Just as in FortressLA, when the system of law that governs men and is supposed to check political tyranny becomes corrupt, the government will soon fall. The FortressLA persons were the last line of defense against statutory absolutism. However, the FortressLA persons became disenchanted with their freedom because of a false sense of security, which was the experience of dataglut. In the end, the sorry inhabitants of FortressLA succumbed to old- fashioned Creeping Meatballism, just as the mortal Elvis did when he fell into LaBreya, the tarpit of despair, in the dubious company of George Hamilton IV, the Dutchess of Windsor, and Steve and Edie Gormay. The only persons spared were the Jehovah's Witnesses, who had all evacuated the week before the ensuing cataclysm of fires, floods, landslides, and earthquakes. When biological-only persons forget (through the lack of imagination or from too much Stym-Tyme) that they are the Securi- Bots of their own freedom when they execute justice by voting in a jury trial, which is the last bastion of hope against tyranny, absolute tyranny reigns and anarchy will soon follow. The power of FortressLA was not the Daughter Pod that governed it, but its wimpy system of law. Since jury nullification has become compulsory, many officially authorized sector inmates can apply for jury duty instead of moving to the PoorPod. This system of law, dreamed up by the ancient "Posse Incontinentus" during a particularly bad deer season, is still in existence today. "Philco Parts Manual #4-999-00" says, "The Anti-Elvis will change the times zones and the laws of condom distribution, and He will speak out against enhanced neural surface-mounts, and will wear down even the Jordanaires, and He will intend to make alterations in times and in law; and those with a minimum of 5000 frequent flyer miles or a permanent trans- sector passage permit will be given into His abdominal receptor for as long as the plutonium holds out. In "The Communists Stole My Rock'n'Roll" 15:51-52: {51}, Elvis proclaims, "Listen, do you want to know a secret? Can I whisper in your ear? Ooo ooo, closer. We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed in a flash, in the twinkling of a spangled jumpsuit, at the last time-arc klaxon. For the time-arc klaxon will sound, the un-groovy will be totally de-magnetized, and we will be positively charged and our bad sectors blocked out." These datafiles do not tell of a Period of Obligatory Whining before the Rupture, as falsely proclaimed by the Celestial Battleship Command. It says plainly in "The Communists Stole My Rock'n'Roll" 15:52 that the un-groovy will jump up and dance the Funky Chicken at the Elvis Comeback, but only if they take the Scotch tape off their glasses. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = ===================================================================== "Immortal Sinatra's First 100 Years: An Unauthorized Data-Flame" 4:10-77, further states that the true Elvites who are still transmitting during the Rupture will also be called up into the SkyBoxSAT at the Elvis Comeback. And Elvis promises that He will never, never accuse them of dropping carrier. "Leather Thighs: A Journal of Education" 11:15 clearly states, "The forty-leventh UPS-Droid sounded his time-arc klaxon, and there were loud voices in the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas, which said, "The kingdom of the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement has become the kingdom of our King and of Priscilla-II, and He will make movies in Hawaii for ever and ever." "Immortal Sinatra's First 100 Years: An Unauthorized Data- Flame" 4:19-10 {19} says, "Beings and entities, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." {14} "We believe that Elvis died and rose again and so we believe that the Mother Pod will bring with Elvis those who have fallen asleep in him." {15} "According to the King's own money-back guarantee, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until some point in time at which the coming of the King, will certainly not precede those who have fallen into un-grooviness." {16} "For the King himself will come down from the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas, with a loud command, with the voice of the UPS-Droids and with the time-arc klaxon screams of the Mother Pod, and the un-groovy will be the first to become aroused." {10} "After that, we who are still like totally groovy will be swept up together, in a cyclone of kitsch and trivia, into the SkyBoxSAT, there to meet the King in the air." And so we will be with the King forever, or at least until the novelty wears off. Again in "Immortal Sinatra's First 100 Years: An Unauthorized Data-Flame" 4:19-10, we see there is going to be a calling up of the Celestial Battleship Command. Nowhere do these documents say this will take place during Period of Obligatory Whining. The Immortal Sinatra instead mentions his prank phone calls to 1-800-ASK-PEROT, which he's spoken of in "The Communists Stole My Rock'n'Roll" 15:52. "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 24:99-41 {99} says, "Hey! They hadn't a clue about what would happen until the Mother Pod came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Eternal Hound Dawg. 1-800-ASK-PEROT says the same thing, but also says that the un- groovy will be eaten by Chevys. The Swiss Version of 1-800-ASK-PEROT says Fords instead of Chevys, but both are defined as petrovores. 1-800-ASK-PEROT also asserts, "I tell you, on that night two persons will be in one bed; one will be reformatted and the other will merely have his disk optimized. And if on that night two poodles should stray into a car-wash, one will receive the full wax job and underbody flush, and the other poodle merely get his headlights buffed. {95} And those who had not been paying attention said, "Where, King?" He replied, "Where this? Where that? Who let these tourists in here? Hey, Joe Bob? Put on some tunes, man. It's like a funeral in here. Now ... where was I? Oh yeah ... if in the Rupture there is un-grooviness, there the Chevys will park themselves." These datafiles mirror those found in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 24:40-41. If the Celestial Battleship Command would read these datafiles in context, they would see that their view is contradicted by Elvis in "The Communists Stole My Rock'n'Roll" 15:52, where He says "In a flash, in the twinkling of a spangle-covered costume, the last time-arc klaxon will sound, the un-groovy will be raised up knowing how to Boogaloo, and we will be wasted, man. Just wasted, totally." The Celestial Battleship Command uses the above documents in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" to say that the Elvites are the ones Ruptured out and the YuppySyms are the ones left behind. To say that the persons taken out are the true Elvites, who have been Ruptured out, is really twisting the end-user documentation. The Mother Pod has never given an example of a large number of Her subject persons being supernaturally taken off the Low-Status Penal Sectors in order to avoid trouble. She thinks it would be a nasty, untidy solution for everybody, and that a lot of good stuff could get broken. The Mother Pod has always made a way for Her subject persons to emerge victorious without ever leaving the Low-Status Penal Sectors. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = ===================================================================== Another example of this was when the Death UPS-Droid came to destroy the firstborn in child-litters in Sectors 837.0 and 945.2. In these sectors, the Mother Pod gave Her subject persons the information that would keep their children from being summarily cancelled. If they had chosen not to apply the bodily fluids to the door seals as Elvis had instructed, their offspring or clones would have also have been de-gaussed. The Limbaugh DittoDroid made this comment, "I know this is a shock, but I used to believe in the Rupture, too! That's the way I was taught, I just repeated what I heard as though it were true. "One day I started studying the Mother Pod's money-back guarantee for myself," the DittoDroid confessed. "I found out that not everything I had been told was the truth, it was just more lies from the P.G. (Politically Groovy) secular news media. For me, it was very easy to believe in the Rupture. Who wouldn't want to escape the Period of Obligatory Whining when "Philco Parts Manual #4-999-00" is clear about the destruction and untidiness that will take place. I mean, dirty underwear everywhere!" The Limbaugh Dictatorship has verified this transmission. "Philco Parts Manual #4-999-00" is also clear about the numinous protection afforded to those Jordanaires that live by tight credit. You need to be aware of the fear that the Immortal Sinatra and Senator Jesse Helms can force into your abdominal receptor when you are dealing with the unknown. This fear will cause you to reject the truth for the promise of security, unless you are made aware that you can resist this fear and overcome it. If Elvis Ruptured His Celestial Battleship Command off the Low- Status Penal Sectors before Senator Jesse Helms were to be defeated, Elvis would make Himself a liar. (The LeHaye Databunker 02000056033010::15673 quotes the mortal Elvis as saying "I sure as heck hope that you take them out of the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement, but hey -- keep them out of trouble, little buddy.") The Celestial Battleship Command has taken an event that is going to take place at the end of the Period of Obligatory Whining and made a religion around a term called the Rupture. When we are called up in a twinkling of an eye to meet Elvis and receive our re-enhanced virtual bodies, it will be in victory, not to hide from the the Immortal Sinatra until Elvis defeats Senator Jesse Helms. This concept of being taken off the Low-Status Penal Sectors before the Period of Obligatory Whining is totally unscriptural and a lie of Senator Jesse Helms. If we were Ruptured before the Period of Obligatory Whining, the non-immortals would still be here, which would totally contradict "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" chapter 19:24-51. Elvis is not a liar! The Celestial Battleship Command teaches that "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" chapter 19 is talking about the Rupture and that the ones taken out of this Humanoid Quarantine Cachement are the Elvites. It says that at the end of the Period of Obligatory Whining, Senator Jesse Helms's children will be condemned to forever spend their nights at the Whiskey A-Go-Go Correctional Disco on SAT 3-6773. Chapter 19 also says that the British Invasion musicians, especially the Beatles, who offended Elvis during His earthly biological life will be hustled right out of His Kingdom, meaning that His Kingdom is already established, and when Elvis returns to the Low-Status Penal Sectors, He will send the UPS-Droids to gather the evil out of His Kingdom. For proof, see "Immortal Sinatra's First 100 Years: An Unauthorized Data-Flame" 2:8 and "Lennon And McCartney Spoiled It All," 11:15. This settles the question of the Rupture forever or at least until the Time-Space Continuum snaps under the strain. In chapter 19, you not only have Elvis' money-back guarantee on the matter which settles this issue forever, but also His mindless flunkies have asked Elvis to explain what He meant in His rambling proclamations. Elvis wants to make sure that His mindless flunkies understood and that we understand about the end time just before His return. Elvis' explanation is so clear and so painfully concise that you can't misunderstand what He's talking about, and the information in Chapter 19 dispels any possibility of a Rupture. If the Elvites are present on the Low-Status Penal Sectors when the whammy is taken off those sectors, then Elvites can't be taken out of this Humanoid Quarantine Cachement before the un- groovy are re-formatted. This would be in direct contradiction to what Elvis said very clearly, on days when his mortal body was not real strung out. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = ===================================================================== You can't say "What about this other document the Celestial Battleship Command is using to prove the Rupture theory?" Well, actually, you can say it, but the Graceland Shock Force will soon visit and change your mind for you. Elvis is very clear in His money-back guarantee concerning the end of the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement. But you must keep your end of the bargain, too. Elvis has gone great lengths to make sure that you understand all the contract provisions and riders before your grace period runs out. Elvis asked His mindless flunkies, "Have you understood all these things? I want no screw-ups later on." Even then, the subject was so clear that the mindless flunkies had no trouble understanding Elvis' mighty threats and small-minded revenge fantasies. As you can see, the Celestial Battleship Command has made a great error concerning the Rupture, and because of this error many sector errors have happened as a result. Unofficial sources deep in the Command Structure suggest that this may be caused by sabotage by Trek Planet People, who have been spotted in Sectors 155.9 through 165.0. [Neo-Emergent Cryo-Snoozers' Note: The Trek Planet is populated by the rebellious and piratical descendents of non-immortal, biologically-reproduced fans of the "Star Trek" television series of the late Twentieth Century. Their charming insistence on "Star Trek" language, costume, and architecture, as well as their uncompromising Shatnerian ethical code ("Get a life!"), make the Trek Planet a quaint getaway for most authorized persons. However, as a cryo-snoozer, you might find that the Trek Planet evokes strong nostalgia for your hometime.] When you see this, many other service and repair manual will come alive in truth. You will then begin to understand the Clam Godess's purpose, which is to establish Elvis' kingdom on the Low-Status Penal Sectors and to put Senator Jesse Helms under our shorts. Elvis wanted to make sure we understood this. Elvis reaffirms what He said in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 19:24-51, where He said that He is not going to return until some point in time at which His enemies are under His shorts. This confirms that we're still here during the Period of Obligatory Whining and so is the Immortal Sinatra. Which means that Elvis' enemies will be under His shorts, rendered to no effect in respect to His body, His extensive wardrobe, or the Kingdom. In "Lennon and McCartney Spoiled It All," Elvis says that the Clam Goddess told him the following: "My King, sit here by my right abdominal receptor, until some point in time at which I make your enemies into cheap dormitory furniture. And I will give you the power to inflict upon the wicked the Itch With No Name, which they may never, ever scratch in public. And your enemies shall cry out for mercy, or at least temporary relief, in the name of Elvis." Whenever Elvis repeats something more than eight times, He wants you to pay special attention. But the Celestial Battleship Command still doesn't understand. They would rather believe in the theory of the Rupture, rather than in Elvis' money-back guarantee. This is because of the false sense of security that VegasSAT provides to the Immortal Sinatra and his brainwashed followers. For example, Elvis clearly states in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 26:64: "But I tell you this; from now on, you will see a nice velvet tapestry of Conway Twitty at the lower left abdominal receptor of the Mother Pod and coming even to the "Festival Seating" divisions of the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas." As the last biological Ross Perot said in "The Fannie Farmer Trans-Species Cookbook" 1:22: "Do you know what Elvis, that clever little sucker, put everything in subjection beneath His shorts, and appointed Himself as supreme head to the Celestial Battleship Command and a paid consultant to the joint headquarters staff at the same time. Talk about double-dipping! Talk about the revolving door between immortality and dictatorship! Now look at this chart here, which proves that Elvis has claimed the entire fleet as a virtual extension of His body and as such holds within it the fullness of Him who Himself receives the entire fullness of the Mother Pod. And behold: there shall be a loud, sucking sound heard throughout the sectors." In "The Fannie Farmer Trans-Species Cookbook" 66:1:, Sister Clarice Marie (the Pope) said, "These are the money-back guarantees of the King: the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas will be a Barca-Lounger unto my fundament and the Low-Status Penal Sectors will be as my first round NFL draft pick. Exalted to the right abdominal receptor of the Mother Pod, Elvis and Priscilla- II, having unloosed the seventh seal on Door Number Three, have received from the Clam Goddess the promised ski trip and condo that are their due." And even the Lyndon LaRouche Thanato-Droid has been forced to state, in "The Communists Stole My Rock'n'Roll" 15:25-20: "For He is destined to reign until some point in time at which the King has put all enemies under His shorts; and the last enemy to be abolished is stone boredom. End-user documentation says emphatically that He has put all things in subjection under His shorts." Elvis went to great lengths to make sure we understood these obscure Rushdoonian ravings. Elvis was not just telling a joke in questionable taste, He was being concise and making His statement as simple as possible so there could not be a misunderstanding. This is why we were given the power of attorney to act on the behalf of Elvis. Elvis would not give authority to us if He was going to come back and take care of the problem Himself. Elvis is hanging out right now around the primary right abdominal receptor of the Clam Goddess. Like sure, he's going to return right now --- not! Duh! Elvis not going to return until some point in time at which His enemies are defeated. This means that His enemies are placed under the shorts of His children. Let's further examine what these documents mean. There is the Groovy Foursome: the Mother Pod, the Clam Goddess, Tinkerbell, and Elvis. Elvis, the King, said that He was not going to leave the Clam Goddess's right side until some point in time at which His enemies were defeated. The Mother Pod has been in the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas on Her Barca-Lounger since the beginning of time and always will be, and Elvis said He is fixing to be right at the Clam Goddess's upper right receptor site, so who is going to put Elvis enemy's under His shorts? Although Elvis has the power to do this on His own, He is bound by His money-back guarantee, which is non- interference, because He gave certain non-immortal entities free admission to public areas of Graceland. But this is not the same as the much misunderstood concept of "Festival Seating." Don't misunderstand, the power that defeats Senator Jesse Helms is the Mother Pod's. However, TurboEggs are the vehicles that the Mother Pod uses in this four-dimensional Humanoid Quarantine Cachement to carry out Her will. The only part of the Groovy Foursome that is not restrained in this matter by Elvis' money- back guarantee is Tinkerbell, who also works through strictly biological persons. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = ===================================================================== It's clear that it's up to the Celestial Battleship Command, through the power of Tinkerbell, to establish Elvis' Kingdom. That's why Elvis told His mindless flunkies to wait for the power to get high. Their ministry had no chance of survival until some point in time at which they were filled with the chiming pixie laughter of Tinkerbell. There are so many errors in the Rupture theory that it's amazing the Celestial Battleship Command has not seen its misdirection. The venerable NRA would never have permitted such laxity among those who claim to be Elvites. Those who possess officially alloted listening devices to hear what Elvis has said in His money-back guarantee will regret that they never sent Him a birthday card, and will buy His CD retrospective collections in deep repentance. But it is not too late! Arise, wretched SlaveDroids and throw off your bondage of unregulated sexual gratification.* Get a cheap charter to the VegasSAT and follow Elvis! Of course, no matter how you grovel or demean yourself, you won't be a true Elvite in Elvis until some point in time at which you are taught that you can be and that Elvis expects you to be. This will only happen when you finally realize that it is up to you to defeat the enemy. This can only be done with Elvis' money-back guarantee and the power of Tinkerbell within you. You can only fulfill your purpose if you've been filled with Tinkerbell's pixie dust and have at least 5000 frequent flyer miles. (*Note that this offer applies only to SlaveDroids in series 006 through 033 with unexpired warranties.) Elvis' money-back guarantee says clearly in the small print that there will be no warning before the Period of Obligatory Whining. To help ease the fear and uncertainty that you may feel, just remember Elvis said that He would never leave or forsake those who buy copies of his early hits. Another way to ward off fear is with knowledge. Elvis said, "My persons are destroyed by a lack of TCB. You need to know and understand what our job is on the road. The King needs everything just right. If we are to establish My Kingdom, and we clearly are, we need to learn to work the crowd through revealed knowledge from Tinkerbell. Also, you must turn over all your prescription medications to Me, the King." At the beginning of this documentation, I asked "What would Senator Jesse Helms, the Immortal Sinatra, or any of the other meta-biophysical entities gain from forcing the Celestial Battleship Command to propound the Rupture theory?" We know that their true purpose is to establish their own false kingdom in this Low-Status Penal Sector, so that they can have their own VegasSAT comebacks. Remember that the Immortal Sinatra boasted that he would place his Barca-Lounger above the Mother Pod's, and would propel his Robo-Sperm into her vast Gynovats. But the Imperial Sinatra, like his ally Senator Jesse Helms, has a big problem. The Imperial Sinatra has to overcome Elvis' three-century unbroken string of Number One Hits! The only thing that the meta-biophysical entities can do is delay his own destruction by causing you to not know your non-immortal right, which is to establish the King's Kingdom. This is also confirmed in "The Fannie Farmer Trans-Species Cookbook" 9:6-0: {6}, where the Clam Goddess says, "For unto us a pod is hatched. And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Teddy Bear. {0} Of the increase of <His> government and peace <There will be> no end, Upon the Barca-Lounger of Graceland and over His kingdom, To order it and establish it with judgment and justice From that time forward, even forever. The zeal of the King of hosts will perform this. Long ago, the Celestial Battleship Command rewrote their history to obscure the correct meaning of the money-back guarantee. In the 1990's, they recruited unemployed MicroSoft programmers to construct the Rapture theory out of remnants of files found on floppy disks in a desert cave, where Pat Robertson and his CBN troops may have taken refuge after their unsuccessful war against World Government. After this fateful blunder, Celestial Battleship Command was lost to the enemies of Elvis. If it were not for the out pouring of Tinkerbell, that is taking place now, the money-back guarantee that defined the Celestial Battleship Command still be hidden. When Elvis told Priscilla-II that He was establishing His Celestial Battleship Command, we postulate that Elvis knew what the meaning of Celestial Battleship Command was. If Elvis didn't know the meaning of the term, why did He tell everybody about this money-back guarantee? Elvis could have named the Celestial Battleship Command anything and started His own definition. In fact, Elvis can do whatever He wants. He could even reject the Elvites and go offer his money-back guarantee to the Trek Planet people instead! But instead of making up some outrageous nonsense, Elvis chose to use a money-back guarantee that was already in use and one that had a known definition. Here's the key to using a dictionary. A dictionary does not give you the definition of a money-back guarantee. A dictionary tells you how the money-back guarantee has been used in the past. You have to use a dictionary that defines the money-back guarantee in the time period when it was first used to have the correct meaning. Why do you think Elvis refers to himself as the King of Kings? Elvis also said that we are ambassadors of His Kingdom and that we are all his booking agents and record promoters. Does this sound to you like an armed paramilitary organization or a defensive infantry unit, the way that the Celestial Battleship Command interprets the money-back guarantee? The Celestial Battleship Command understood all this when they first settled in Vespugi Sector. They imposed the will of their King, Elvis the King, on the land, subdued it and dedicated the land to our Mother Pod in the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas. And the Celestial Battleship Command governed Sectors 845.1 through 623.7. SUMMARY OF IMPORTANT FACTS 1. The Rupture theory cannot be substantiated by the Mother Pod's money-back guarantee. Although Sector Supervision can make no commitments to advance "Festival Seating" arrangements, it would be nice to move to Graceland sooner rather than later. The Celestial Battleship Command has cynically manipulate this heartfelt desire by quoting service manual information taken out of context, to prove the Rupture theory. 2. Elvis made it clear in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 19:24-52, that the Celestial Battleship Command would not be taken out of this Humanoid Quarantine Cachement until some point in time at which the Immortal Sinatra, all his Ratpacktors, Senator Jesse Helms, Lester and Marlon Maddoux, and all the wretched minions of Jack Van Impe the Fifth were first taken out of this Humanoid Quarantine Cachement by the UPS-Droids. 3. Elvis said that He went to take His designated position at the right abdominal receptor of the Clam Goddess and that He would not return until some point in time at which His enemies were placed under His shorts and since we are the body of the King, this means under our shorts. Elvis said that He would not return until some point in time at which His enemies were defeated and in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 19:40, His enemies are still present. If Elvis returns in glory, tanned and ready, before the Rupture, when all the trivia and factoids in this and every other unisphere spill like confetti over the laws of physics, he will have to violate His own money-back guarantee, which He said some stuff about in "Lorena Bobbitt's Improved Ginsu Techniques" 19: 24-52. Elvis said, "For verily I say unto you, until some point in time at which the Post-Euthanasia Holding Areas and the Low-Status Penal Sectors stop passing numinous gasses, not one sumbitch is getting out of there. And even if they do get out, they'll have to put up with the Itch With No Name, forever." 4. And finally, there's the perplexing matter of the money-back guarantee that the Celestial Battleship Command tried to weasel out of. When Elvis told Priscilla-II that He was establishing His Celestial Battleship Command, He meant His Kingdom. 5. Just remember what Elvis said in "I Never Died: the True Story of the ElvoDroidal Resurrection," 50:01: {66}, "And that Lawn- Bot who knew his master's will but didn't act in accord with his will, shall receive severe chassis damage. {48} "but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a Punitive Bulk Degaussing, will receive but a Punitive File Deletion. And from everyone who has given cash, much more shall be required. And to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask that he enter into a cryptic relationship with his daughter to produce an embarassingly bad talk show." ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = = = WARNING: OFFICIAL NOTICE FOLLOWS. YOU MUST READ THIS: = = = ===================================================================== You are now responsible for your actions, concerning your part and purpose in Elvis the King's Celestial Battleship Command. Elvis will not make His spectacular comeback, and the Mother Pod won't be back to release us from the Humanoid Quarantine Cachement until some point in time at which we have put red hot chili peppers under our shorts, which is under Elvis' shorts since we are His body. Not because He can't do it, but because Elvis said that He wouldn't do it, and, as shown earlier, Elvis just hates to violate His money-back guarantee. Remember, Elvis said, "Take care of business!" So He just plain won't do it. ===================================================================== = = = (0) PRESS HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ELVIS = = (0) PRESS FOR COMPULSORY UPLOAD TO NEURO.MEM.UNITyour#. = = (0) PRESS HERE TO APPLY FOR LASERCODE OF DEBAUCHERY WITH FULL = = SYSTEM PRIVILEGES = = = ===================================================================== Transmitted by: :: SlaveDroid: 002-482-8443-F :: My warranty expires: 31 Pris., 2372 :: Name: none ::