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N E T . B A R D S O N G . B O O K , V O L U M E 2 Hear Ye Hear Ye!! For 10 months, I scoured the country side, from Telven's Port to Zardhold, searching for Bards worthy of thy time and thy good grace. After countless mugs of Ale, listening to the dull blabbering of many an amateur bard, I have managed to secure the words of but another group of expert troubadors! Hereunder lies their words for thy listening pleasure. As always, lords and ladies, beware the bard who uses these words as his own (IE: Copyrights retained by original authors.). Beyond struggle and strife, and above all else, enjoy these words, and may thy lute never sound a bad note! Daltrin The Cheerful Alias, Jeff Gostin (jgostin@eternal.chi.il.us) PS: If in all the excitement, I have mismarked an author, or made some other grevious error, please let me know! An index will be sent seperately. Both this document, and the index, are going out on the same night, so they should be arriving together also. If you dont recieve the index within a few days of recieving this document, please let me know, and I'll happily send it out to you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Morgan 54871 (ecz5tan@uclamvs.bitnet) The Ballad of Cannon Fodder Lot Attend the tale of a mighty soul How bold and bravely he has fought While standing tall against the foe His name is Cannon Fodder Lot An Orcish army he did confront His fierce countenance held naught at bay Of the attack he bore the brunt A thousand arrows pierced him that day Healed again and begun anew Holy Avenger he did boast An evil mage he did pursue A fireball turned him into toast CHORUS How bold, how brave, how true Oh Cannon Fodder Lot Though paladin are you A fighter you are not Bedecked in armour brightly shining Shield and halm with dragon's crest A silken cloak with purple lining And healing potions strapped to his chest Once black dragon plagued the land A dreadful evil to be killed Lot stepped forth holding sword in hand His smoking armour's melting still A troll! He thought he could outwit Sure a deed which all would laud A friendly mage helped just a bit And turned him into a lightening rod CHORUS With heartfelt determination And fighting skills dutifully honed He fought the beholder with elation Who promptly turned him into stone Though his name is Cannon Fodder Lot And still his fate seems to be set When he is down and is upsot You'll hear him shout: "I'm not dead yet!" CHORUS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Ian Brown (inb@creare.UUCP) The Knight from Days of Old Chords (4/4 time, each chord is 1 measure) ------ Verse Am G D Em (twice) Chorus Bm C Bm Em Interlude G D Em D (twice) Song --- Prelude (Verse + Chorus + Interlude) Verse (1) Am G Last night he rode out of the storm D Em A knight seeking shelter from the cold Am G D Em His armor a suit of mail, his sword of legends told Chorus (1) Bm C Bm Em A Knight from Days of Old, a hero, brave and bold Verse (2) Am G D Em We asked him to share his tale, the story of his life Am G D Em His eyes grew cold and pale as he told of war and strife Chorus (2) Bm C Bm Em This Knight from Days of Old, the hero, brave and bold Bridge (Verse + Chorus) Verse (3) Am G D Em Those days with Elves, so fair, and Dwarves in caves of stone Am G D Em Dragons of Fire in the air, and Evil on its throne Chorus (1) Verse (4) Am G D Em Darkness swept across the land, Dwarves and Elves disappeared Am G D Em 'Til only by a single man was the light still revered Chorus (4) Bm C Bm Em The Knight from Days of Old, once a hero, brave and bold Interlude Verse (5) Am G Through the night his voice spoke D Em Evoking visions of war and pain Am G D Em He told how he finally failed, to the backdrop of the rain Chorus (4) Verse (1) Chorus (1) Ending (Verse + Chorus + Verse [twice]) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Rob Falk (z_falkrg@ccsvax.sfasu.edu) Dragon Road It was on the first of August, out of Amberway half a dozen horses and a wagon load of hay. There had been a party, hangovers galore our clerics were unconscious and our fighters saddle sore Refrain There were dragons, dragons flying o'er the road wyverns all around us and behind us yellow mold, and there were orcs, orcs filling all the woods they all jumped upon us because we were lawful good We were not discouraged, we were set to fight but we had drunk two gallons of the finest wine last night. Our ranger was disheveled, Sir Percy was the same, and the elf who traveled with us was too drunk to know his name. Refrain The dragons got the horses, the orcs got even more, and munching on our wagons was an ugly manticore. We finally woke our wizard, he would make them pay, but he really pulled a boner when he mumbled spells that day. Refrain His fireball misfired, his lightning missed its mark, and then the party found itself encased in total dark. He tried to polymorph them - that dirty, ancient louse, we didn't think it funny when Sir Kay became a mouse. Refrain Our fighters bravely battled out, but it was all for naught for we had not the measure of the monsters that we fought. twas our bard that finally saved us, for he could do no wrong. He really had them running when he belted out this song. Refrain ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Greg Henderson (gregory@ms.uky.edu) Untitled (Ode to Cthulu) (Sung to the theme of "Tiny Toon Adventures") We're slimey, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy, and in this adventure we'll be feasting on your brains. We're abysmal creatures, with gross horrific features. In C'thuloid adventures, lose alot of sanity. So here's Miskatonic U. where all the creatures dwell, take a look at a mythos book and find yourself in hell. Your guns aren't defective, they just aren't real effective. Our feast of human flesh and souls is about to start. Your magic, and voodo will not stop Great C'thulhu. Don't eat with the Tchoo Tchoo, and the Migo steal your brain! Here's Narly, Tsathoggua, over there's Cthugha, don't forget Ithaqua, and Hastur hates his name. So here's sunken R'lyeh where the angles are all wrong. You'll lose your soul, and go insane if you stay there too long. We're slimey, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy, Our feast of human flesh and souls is about to start. And now we'll eat your heart. ---- Untitled (Another Ode to Cthulu) (Sung to the Theme of "The Beverly Hillbillies") Well, let me tell you a little story 'bout a migo named 'Fred'. A poor mountain miner, barely kept his fungi fed. And then one day when he was scooping out a brain... Along came an ooze that popped right out of the drain. Shoggoth that is, Elder Thing goo, R'lyeh tea. Well next thing you know 'ole fred got swallowed whole, the other migo turned and said "That thing just got fred's soul!" They all pulled out their shiny guns and aimed it at the slime.. But the shoggoth ate them one and all in record setting time.. Four point three seconds.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Dave Lemkuil (COSC143U@Jetson.UH.EDU) The Archer The young man liked to play with arrows and his bow. The barn wall was his aim; and no one else would know. One day the King rode by, his army at his side; on the way to war again; his fame was far and wide. He stopped his column by the barn, and looked upon the wall. The King was most impressed by the wonder of it all. The boy was quickly sent for, to meet the mighty King. By why, Your Majesty, to me this honor bring? I marvel at your barn; the wall is nearly full. All those arrows spent; and every one a bull! You must practice long and hard, with aim as sure as this. I need you in my Army; you must never miss! You are such a marksman, though still so young a boy; help me teach my archers the method you employ. The method's really easy, simple and very sound. I shoot my arrows into the wall; and draw the circles around. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Robert W. Miracle (rwmira01@vlsi.ct.louisville.edu) The Ballad of Farmer Brad (to the tune of "The Ballad of Davey Crockett") Born on a hill top in Waterdale Greatest corn man we'ed ever seen Raised in the fields so he new every stalk He was eaten by a dragon when he weeded in the dark. Farmer, Farmer Brad King of the Corn Wiskey He made a pack with the great Abyss Brad's corn wiskey was their only wish so they made him this magic hoe So he could grow mo' and mo' Farmer, Farmer Brad Growing for Beezalbub ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Jesse Mundis (jesse@uts.amdahl.com) Elfin Wizard (Sung to the tune of "Pinball Wizard") Ever since I heard of magic, I've felt the forces call, >From Breacon down to Krydain, I must have used 'em all, But I ain't seen nothing like him, In the guildrooms or the halls, That quick, nimble, cute Elf Sure casts a mean fire ball! He stands like a statue, In the presense of the Queen, He's polished up his sword, To a bright, metallic, sheen. Spells at the ready, He hears the force's call, That quick, nimble, cute Elf Sure casts a mean fire ball! He's an Elfin wizard, He just cast "Self to Mist" An Elfin wizard's Got such a mental twist. How do you think he does it? I don't know! What makes him so good? Ain't got no distractions Immune to other's spells Bolts of lightning flashin' Transports his foes to hell Summons nasty demons, Standing eight feet tall That quick, nimble, cute Elf Sure casts a mean fire ball! I thought I was The wizard battle king, But I just handed My Magi Staff to him. Even with my favorite demon, He can beat my best. His familiar leads him in, And he just does the rest. He's got crazy words of power Never seen him fall... That quick, nimble, cute Elf Sure casts a mean fire ball! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Mike Phillips (msphil@wmvm1.cc.wm.edu) The Ride of Corryn the King Dark the water and dark the sky, Storming clouds were drawing nigh, Dark the forest, murky, dead, dry. 'Twas dark the day and dark the way When King Corryn rode to die. His queen and children lay enshrined Weighing heavily upon his mind, Revenge had rendered him blind: For his young wife was slain by knife, His sons killed in kind. His family slaughtered whilst they sleep Gathered by One Who Grimly Reaps. He paused not to tarry and weep. He grabbed the maps on parchment scraps And rode for the bandit's keep. They rode as one, the Man and Steed, The wind picked up, they paid no heed, They stopped not to eat their feed. The wind did blow, on did they go, Possessed by a terrible need. "Vengeance!" cried his thoughts at him. Harried by this foolish whim, The clouds roiling, the light dim; On they rode though ill did bode The environs harsh and grim. He sighted brigands across the moor. He counted them; they numbered four. He spurred his horse, and with a roar, He rode in haste across the waste And slew them by the open door. The castle's gate stood open wide. He entered with a jaunty stride, Yelling at those cow'ring inside, "Now, I shall search both Keep and Church 'Till I have flayed your hides!" He rode through the open gate, His sword drawn and filled with hate. He cut them down at a tremendous rate. As he slew each man thoughts of Loranne, His wife, spurred him to his fate. He reined in before the Hall. Silence reigned, an awful pall. For there stood an impassable wall Of Man and Sword; with them he warr'd, And he slew them and watched them fall. Through the arch he strode so fast, Meeting the fight that was his last. The Hall was giant-tall, o'erly vast. Foe on the throne, Corryn's sword honed, So that the duel would soon be past. His foe upon the dais stood. Corryn said, as he should, "Your debts shall be paid in blood. For we shall fight until by might One has beaten the other for good." Thus the bandit's actions wrought. More than an hour they both fought; An opening, in vain, each sought 'Till with a flick Corryn was nick'd Though the scratch seemed for naught. The bandit delivered a tirade: "Ha ha, King Corryn, for my blade Was coated with venom witch-made." Corryn did fight with all his might Until his life began to fade. For the sake of revenge he must, Within his dying thrust, Place with the gods his trust. Corryn's brand flew and it hit true; The bandit fell into the dust. Through his faith victory was gain'd, Yet still poison coursed within his vein, Frayed was his hold on life's rein. A fire inside, King Corryn died, Gazing on venom'd blade, his bane. Thus as decreed by Fate's loom, The Hall became his cairn, his tomb, Here he fought, this very room, Arms all a'clash, he fought so rash In the fight that was his doom. Dark the water and dark the sky, Storming clouds were drawing nigh, Dark the forest, murky, dead, dry. 'Twas dark the day and dark the way When King Corryn rode to die. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Kay Shapero (Kay.Shapero@f524.n102.z1.fidonet.org) From Under the Bed (Sung to the tune of "Cecilia") CHORUS: Cthulhu, you're breaking my mind. My sanity's vanishing daily! Oh, Cthulhu, I'm down on my knees I'm begging you, please -- go away, Go away! I picked up this ancient book By some guy named Abdul Al-Haz'red (Al-Haz'red) Read two chapters; now it seems You're disturbing my days and you're haunting my dreams. CHORUS Half-awake in the early morn With my lover sleeping by my side (by my side) When I feel a nameless dread And I turn on the light, I find you in my bed! CHORUS Hiding out in the afternoon In a room at Miskatonic U (hiding out) Elder Signs from ceiling to floor, And there's star-stones to block off the windows and door. Consternation! He's found me again, I crawl in the closet and shiver. Consternation! He's found me again, I crawl in the closet and shiver..... * With the author's apologies to Simon, Garfunkel, and H.P. Love- craft... ----- WHO LU? (Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races") Who's the Elder Ghod we fear? Cthulhu, Cthulhu! Who sleeps on from year to year? Cthulhu is his name. Going to pray all night Going to chant all day 'Til he rises from the ocean floor Then we will run away! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by P. K. Whitehurst (whitehur@calvin.Tymnet.COM) Home When this adventure is over, I can sleep until noon. When I'm safe on the boat and have sailed far away, I will sit down and write me a tune. When I've fixed the armor and mended my boots There just might money for beer. If I want to live to a spry, ripe, old age, I won't ever leave there. Now the adventure is over, I could sleep until noon. While the boat's in the harbor and everyone's safe, I should sit down and try a new tune. My sword has been sharpened. My wardrobe is clean. Why does the beer taste so stale? If I acted out all the thoughts in my head, I would end up in jail. Now the adventure is over, Things are boring and dull. The boat is too small and the stars are too far. I look at the sky and still feel their pull. I need to travel, to see a new place. It must be bred in my bone. I can't live somewhere for more than a week. I'll call Empyrea home. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ballads submitted by Fraser Wilson (fraser@munta.cs.mu.OZ.AU) Untitled (Ballad of Sir Rufus) A small brave band of armoured knights Were riding on a lonely moor Looking for glory, beer and fights When all at once they spied a door. Said Sir Rufus, climbing down, "This door seems strange to me. It's by itself upon the ground - I'll open it and see!" He opened it and had a look But life he had no more. Randolph said "He looks quite crook!" For this is what he saw: Some flesh was boiling red and green The head was nowhere to be seen Goo was pouring from his arse There was nothing where his arms had been. His shirt was painted rich blood-red To hungry rats his guts were fed His heart was beating on the grass In short, the bloke was dead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------