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Text File  |  1994-11-20  |  5KB  |  102 lines
  1.  
  2.                              IT WUS A ACCIDENT!
  3.  
  4.                                     ***
  5.                               ACCIDENT REPORTS
  6.  
  7.                         Quotes from accident reports
  8.                  submitted to various Insurance companies:
  9.                                     ***
  10.                                 Coming home,
  11.                         I drove into the wrong house
  12.                    and collided with a tree I don't have.
  13.                                     ***
  14.                       The other car collided with mine
  15.                  without giving warning of its intentions.
  16.                                     ***
  17.                        I thought my window was down,
  18.                             but found it was up
  19.                        when I put my hand through it.
  20.                                     ***
  21.                      I collided with a stationary truck
  22.                            coming the other way.
  23.                                     ***
  24.                        The guy was all over the road;
  25.                      I had to swerve a number of times
  26.                              before I hit him.
  27.                                     ***
  28.                   I pulled away from the side of the road,
  29.                         glanced at my mother-in-law,
  30.                       and headed over the embankment.
  31.                                     ***
  32.                         In my attempt to kill a fly,
  33.                        I drove into a telephone pole.
  34.                                     ***
  35.                       I had been driving for 40 years
  36.                       when I fell asleep at the wheel
  37.                            and had the accident.
  38.                                     ***
  39.                         To avoid hitting the bumper
  40.                             of the car in front,
  41.                           I struck the pedestrian.
  42.                                     ***
  43.                          My car was legally parked
  44.                     as it backed into the other vehicle.
  45.                                     ***
  46.                    An invisible car came out of nowhere,
  47.                       struck my vehicle and vanished.
  48.                                     ***
  49.                  I told the police that I was not injured,
  50.                           but on removing my hat,
  51.                    I found that I had a fractured skull.
  52.                                     ***
  53.                          I was sure the old fellow
  54.                             would never make it
  55.                        to the other side of the road
  56.                              when I struck him.
  57.                                     ***
  58.                                The pedestrian
  59.                     had no idea which direction to run,
  60.                              so I ran over him.
  61.                                     ***
  62.                     The indirect cause of this accident
  63.                       was a little guy in a small car
  64.                              with a big mouth.
  65.                                     ***
  66.                I was thrown from my car as it left the road.
  67.                         I was later found in a ditch
  68.                             by some stray cows.
  69.                                     ***
  70.                     The telephone pole was approaching.
  71.                  I was attempting to swerve out of its way,
  72.                         when it struck my front end.
  73.                                     ***
  74.                         I was unable to stop in time
  75.                  and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
  76.               The driver and passengers then left immediately
  77.                         for vacation with injuries.
  78.                (AIDE MAGAZINE, February 1989--ALL THE ABOVE)
  79.                                     ***
  80.                                 WRAP IT UP!
  81.               I sat down next to a guy in the doctor's office.
  82.                        He was covered with bandages.
  83.                         "Have an accident?" I asked.
  84.                    "No thanks, I just had one," he replied.
  85.                 "Actually, I'm in training to become a mummy."
  86.                      "Would you believe that I ran out 
  87.                              of clean clothes?"
  88.                        "Of course I had an accident, 
  89.                               You nimcompoop!"
  90.                     (Two thousand comemdians out of work
  91.                       and I have to sit by this guy).
  92.                                     ***
  93.                                    MAGIC
  94.                  The magican wrote on his accident report,
  95.                        I was driving down the street
  96.                           And turned into a tree.
  97.                                     ***
  98.  
  99.  
  100.                                     END
  101.  
  102.