Cathablanca

Episode #15: "Heavy Metal Maniac Mounts Witness Stand!"


The Los Angeles courtroom was packed with media and 'groupies' of the trial of Francesca Cicci-Lorenz. After weeks of preparation, jury selection, and testimony from seance guests, police investigators, and forensic evidence experts, the day finally came when Francesca's brother Steve was called to the witness stand.
Sitting at the defendant's table were Francesca and her defense team, led by celebrated lawyer N.E. Washington.
Steve was dressed in a grey double-breasted Armani suit over a black t-shirt, his hair back in a ponytail, and his ever-present round, purple-lensed shades. He was sworn in and took the stand.
"Mr. Callaway," asked Grimes, the assistant district attorney, a thin, nerdish balding man in a cheap-looking navy suit, "Where were you on the night of the murders?"
"What murders?" answered Steve in his English accent.
"The murders at the Winchester House," responded Grimes tensely.
"Oh, yeah ... sorry ... uh ... I was there."
"Inside the house?"
"Well, when I first got there I was in my limousine. Then I got out of the limo, then I was just outside the house. Then I went in the house. At that point I was inside the house."
People in the courtroom began to titter.
"Mr. Callaway, are you trying to be funny?"
"No!" said Steve, a little exasperated. "I'm tryin' to answer your f**king question, ya dork!"
Laughter erupted in the courtroom, especially from the younger heavy-metal fans in the spectator seats; they were easy to spot dressed in leather, with heavy makeup, tattoos, and various piercings. The judge banged his gavel to regain control. When the judge did not warn the witness to refrain from using coarse language, the assistant D.A. could see that he would have to be more patient with the dull-witted rock star.
"All right now, Mr. Callaway, after the seance, what did you do?"
"Me and Taylor and our girls went lookin' round the house."
"For what?"
"For ghosts! What else?"
"Where did you go in the house?"
"We just started walkin'. I dunno. It was dark. I kept goin' into the darkest parts I could find. Then the girls wimped out and said they wanted to go back, so Taylor took 'em back while I kept lookin' for ghosts."
"So then you were alone?"
"Yeah."
"Did you see anything unusual or out of the ordinary?"
"I found a suit of armor that looked kinda cool, so I tried to take it apart so I could try it on, or maybe find a ghost or a dead body inside."
More tittering from the spectators.
"Mr. Callaway, you said in your statement to the police that you saw Mr. O'Brien shoot a woman in the chest. Is that true?"
"Yeah!"
"Can you describe what you saw?"
"I saw O'Brien shoot a woman in the chest."
"When did that happen?"
"The same night that all those murders took place that night in the haunted house" said Steve.
"I mean ... did you see the shooting after Taylor and your dates left you alone?" asked the attorney, who was beginning to lose patience.
"Yeah."
"How much later?"
"I dunno."
"Would you say five minutes? Ten minutes?"
"I dunno. I don't wear a watch."
"Can't you estimate?"
"Huh?"
"Can you guess about how long the interval was between the time Taylor and your dates left you and the time you saw the shooting?"
"Is this some kind of a test or something?"
"Can you estimate for me how long you've been here on the witness stand?"
"About an hour" said Steve.
The frazzled assistant D.A. looked at his watch, turned to the jury and spoke. "Let the record show that the witness has been on the stand no more than five minutes."
Steve said "Let the record show that talkin' five minutes to this dork seems like an hour!"
Everyone in the courtroom, including the judge, burst out in laughter.
After Steve's testimony was concluded, it was determined that Robin was the woman he saw shot by O'Brien.
Don't miss the next exciting episode!