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The 27 Conspiracy (http://www.lbstone.com/27)
The government doesn't want you to know. The FBI doesn't want you to know.
The man doesn't want you to know. The number 27 will become the number of
salvation all over the planet...and they don't want you to know. To
this guy, I guess 'One is the lonliest number...'
Spot
the Facist Dictator!
Are you up to the challenge? Do you know your facist dictators? Can you spot
the evil rulers? Do you...
(...have nothing better to do with your life?
Are you one of the millions of people who have the attention span of a wet
mosquito?)
Papa
Smurf is a Communist
For years, our children have watched this so-called Saturday morning Smurf.
So stop this stingy spy from sending this sovereign society into a cesspool
of syndicalism.
(Look for their new web page: "Brainy Smurf
is a Homosexual".)
Canadian World Domination
Our snowy neighbors to the North are more than just hard-core hockey fans
and people who spell everything with an extra "u". They're co-conspirators
in a plan to take over America and then the world!!!
(That's right. First, it was the Toronto
Blue Jays winning the World Series. Then it was over beer. The time has come
to begin Operation Leaf Blower!)
People's Front Against Untied Shoes
Every year, thousands of head injuries and damaged spines are caused by untied
shoelaces. Help keep the world safe from this gregarious act of carelessness
among mankind.
(Fast fact: children who work in Nike sweatshops
don't have to worry about keeping their shoelaces tied. They don't wear any.)
Elvis Shot JFK!
After years of independent investigations, tiring theories and cockamamie
conspiracies, finally one web site has the proof and the pride to prove that
the King of Rock 'n Roll was the "Blue Suede" gunman on the grassy knoll.
(I guess that would explain a lot. Like who
that guy with bucket of chicken and the rhinestone suit was with the video
camera.)
The
Yoda Conspiracy
And speaking of cockamamie conspiracies, Yoda has also been a public picture
of perplexing paranoia. I mean, he was responsible...for, uh...Yoda was the
guy who...he's a weird guy. (I know Yoda's
little secret. He's Ross Perot's third illegitimate daughter.)
Alien Abduction Survey
Hundreds of Americans have become the victim of an extraterrestrial abduction.
Now, at you home in your spare time, you can find out if you've been kidnapped
by "Starmen." (Choose from anyone of these
courses: animal cross breeding, anal probing, cow kidnapping, gun repair,
mind numbing...)
Aliens Are Abducting Our
Pants
The Earth has often pondered the question, "Is there intelligent life elsewhere
in the universe?" The answer is "yes, and they want our pants." Maybe the
answer is "no." (I've got a simple solution
this problem; just don't wear any pants. No human being anywhere on the plant
Earth will no longer wear anything below the waist. Any takers?)
Are Toasters Intelligent?
Whether you're roasting a warm, onion bagel or just some plain, old white
bread, toasters are constantly plotting and planning their next move in their
daily struggle to survive. Toasters may be smarter than those pinheads at
GE had anticipated. (Don't let that cute
smile or warm, friendly glow fool you. They deserve to have a knife plunged
in their head. Go ahead, just grab a knife and stab them through those little
openings in the top like there's no tomorrow.)
Bend A Spoon On the Internet
Years and years ago, national mind controller Uri Geller tricked millions
of people into believing that his brain waves could actually disfigure metal
objects. Now feel the power surge through your body, across the Information
Superhighway and deep into the soul of an aluminum soup spoon.
(Forget the fact that he tricked people out of their money to watch someone
stare at a piece of silverware. Forget the fact that he's probably so hopped
up on crack that the psychic part of his brain is just an inoperative, spineless
sponge. Just who the hell names their kid "Uri?")
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