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The Amazing Cam Cam (http://www.albionweb.com/peter/camcam.htm)
I don't know who invented the Internet Cam and I don't care. I do. Say hello
to another one of the net's cinematic wonders. Hey, did
you hear me' I said I do! I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO! I DO!
What Does Gravity Smell Like'
(http://www.duke.edu/~bis/gravity)
It's a question man has strived to find for centuries. Does the greatest force
on Earth have that homely potpourri scent' I don't know
about gravity, but this page sure smells like something.
Mystical Smoking Head of
'Bob' (http://www.resort.com/~banshee/Misc/8ball/index.html)
Got a problem or predicament that presents precoucious pondering from plenty
of people' Ask the pre...uh...po...ask Bob. A mysterious
smoking head' Must be another R.J. Reynolds homepage.
Liver Aid (http://www.liveraid.com)
Tired of going to the same old benefit concerts' Then try this one, it's the
world's first organ aid concert for rock stars. I thought
Keith Richards didn't have a liver.
Online Cardiologist (http://www.texasbytes.com/humor/pulse.html)
Are costly bills and high insurance premiums of hospital expenses starting
to feel like a punch in the chest' Let the online heart doctor cure what ailes
you. I really don't trust this guy. Look at his diagnosies:
'Severe chest pains with shortness of breath' - eat a stick of butter; 'irregular
heart beat patterns' - eat a stick of butter
Modem Ministries (http://www.modmin.com)
Let the healing power of the holy one show you the way to the 'Land of the
Eternal Busy Signal.' Our Father, who are online, hollowed
by thy URL...
The Bewitched Project (http://home.att.net/~chmilnir/bewitch/index.html)
In 1968, three actors were filming a sitcom in the jungles of Hollywood, California
when one disappeared without a trace. Thirty years later,
their footage is only thing playing on Nick at Nite.
Infomercials: The Hidden Shame
(http://home.att.net/~toyletbowlbbs/tvfeces.htm)
If you stay up real late, you can see them try to hock, sell, pitch and haggle
the American consumer for everything from a mop/frying pan to the Pocket Surgeon.
Help eradicate this raw sewage from the airwaves. But if
there's no more infomercials, what will George Foreman do for work' Box' Yeah,
that'll be the day.
The
Boring Home Page
Tired of all those "entertaining" web pages with funny pictures and useful
information? Then try a really boring page!
(Oh come on, this one should be easy. Boring,
boring. Gee, I'm the only boring this around here. ARG! Did that come out
of me?)
Pillow
Tag Revolution
Don't let the suppressing and submissive message of pillow factories keep
the status quo down. Learn how you can use the power of pillow fluffing to
fight back!
(Yes, I'm back! I am the champion! I am the
king of the world! I am the walrus! Cuckoo ca chew!)
Uh, Mouth, you going to say
something smart and sassy or should I start screaming?
(Shut your American Pie hole, Captain Alliteration!
Man, I feel like Don Rickles at a United Nations forum.)
The Absolutely Incredible Counting Page
Your fingers and toes have had enough. Let someone or something else do the
painful act of counting for you.
(Don't let the word "amazing" fool you. This
page consists of a picture of a pair of hands and a pair of feet in open toe
sandals.)
Don't Click Here!
We don't know how else to tell you. Proceed with caution. Go ahead with care.
Move on with trepidation. But don't say we didn't warn you.
(Don't read this sentence. Ok, that was the
fake on, don't read THIS sentence. No, that was the real dud, don't...)
"You
Eat Like a Pig" Translated
You can say it in Chinese. You can pronounce it in German. You can exclaim
it in Cantonese. No matter how you say it, it still means, "Slow down, and
chew your food for a change."
(Spanish translation: "You eat like a pig"
= Tu comes como un Rush Limbaugh.)
Sock Monkeys Are the Solution to Y2K
Experts can't figure it out. Programmers can't figure it out. Governments
can't figure it out. But this guy's got that whole Y2K thing covered.
(Hmm, this is a tough decision. World wide
blackouts and utter chaos or giant piles of sock monkeys crowding the streets.
Suddenly total annihilation doesn't sound so bad.)
Fishing With Beavis
Coming up next, our friend Beavis learns how to hook a twelve pound flounder
using only paper clips, two feet of hemp twine and some spit. Stay tuned...
(Oh come on, enough of this already. Next
thing you know, they'll start creating pages called "Hunting with Celebrity
Deathmatch's Nick Diamond.")
The Amazing Mood Bra
Got a problem that only a superhuman piece of ladies' lingerie can solve?
Ask the only bra that changes color based on that special woman's mood.
(A bra that tells the truth? Didn't Pamela
Lee have one of those? Oh no, her's predicted earthquakes. Let's see, Rebecca
Romijn Stamos? No, no, hers got the Ph.D. in Metaphysical Biology. Oh this
is a tough one...)
The Potties of Disneyworld
One of American's most infamous theme parks is also one of the largest collection
of toilets on the planet. So get out of that attraction line and learn to
appreciate some of Disneyland's other rides.
(Fast fact: The bathrooms at the "It's A
Small World" pavilion are used 80% of the time as vomitoriums. The remaining
20% are used by a bulimic Minnie Mouse.)
Death Row Online
The excuse of executing criminals has become an extra pain for exuberant politicians
in Congress and around the world. Now you can save the tax payers some extra
cash and throw the switch yourself.
(Everyone watch out! Dead webmaster walking!)
Planet Ketchup
Imagine, if you will, an entire universe covered in a pasty, salty world of
tomato condiments. A world whose boundaries are only that of mustard. Watch
out for that sign up ahead, you've just entered the Catsup Zone.
(Ok, ketchup, think....hmmmmmm, aw dang it!
I can't think of anything to say. This is horrible.)
What's wrong, my woolly weirdo?
(I can't think of anything smart-ass to say.
What am I going to do????)
I'm at a loss for locution. What do I look like? Dr. Laura?
(Oh no, it's my worst nightmare. The day
when Danny is funnier than me. All right, calm down, focus...need to focus...This
is not happening...)
The Under Construction Page
Great works of art take time to create. That's why this page of preposterous
proportions is always "under construction." Hey, you can't rush art.
(Man, why can't great artists just cut their
own ear off like they used to?)
Empty Web
Site
Think that the Internet is just a collection of empty space that is slowly
but surely wasting every inch of every webmaster's hard drive? Visit a site
that takes itself literally. (Or a better
title for this would be "Positive Effects of Jerry Springer's Show on Children"
or "Honest Things that IRS Employees Have Said to Taxpayers" or "Times When
Howard Stern Hasn't Talked About Sex, Porno, Farting, Condoms, Kathie Lee
Gifford...")
The Society to End the Abuse of Oxygen
For years, the government has been slowly poisoning the people around us with
a deadly vapor of invisible death known only to humans as "oxygen." Help society
stand up for itself because it can't catch its breath.
(Ending oxygen? That's like allowing leukemia patients smoke marijuana! Hey,
wait that's not a bad idea...)
Poorly Drawn Lamp Page
The art world has spawned some beautiful depiction of human existence. Da
Vinci's "Mona Lisa," Van Gogh's "Starry Night," Dali's "The Persistence of
Time." Now you can add this guy's poorly drawn lamp page to that list.
(I think this guy's worn one too many lampshades on his head, if you know
what I mean.)
The BS Page
There's a lot of it going around and there doesn't seem to be a cure. Now,
meet the disease's official homepage. (Of
course, this could also be the official homepage of Southern politicians,
federal IRS agents, psychic hotline operators, game show hosts, weird-web
page hosts ...) Just fathom who flosses you frequently every Friday,
freak. (Oooh, looks who turning all Mr. T
meets David Duke all of a sudden.)
Anti-Internet Web Page
The Internet has become a strong technological marvel in our system and society.
But has it become a useful tool for modern manifestation or an instrument
of destruction that continues to plague our nation, destroy our minds, and
decrease our individuality. DOWN WITH THE INTERNET AND DEATH TO THE INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY!!!!! (Uh, Danny, you're on the
Internet right now.) Oh well, yeah for technology. Let's move on.
Stop staring. I said, keep moving.
The Bible in Pig Latin
Nday hetay ordlay ookedlay owndat noay hesetay ebway reatorscay nday oldtay
hemtay, "akemay a agepay orfay hetay elfareway foay ankindmay." Ereway tillsay
aitingway orfay hattay agepay. (Danny, you
say one more thing in Pig Latin and I'll illkay your abobkay.)
Generic Home Page
This is the serious introduction. There is no bracing sarcasm, or witty commentary.
Only serious summaries and annoying alliteration and big words like "adagio,"
"goldbrick," and gadabout." (This is the
smart ass introduction. There's no serious comments or constructive criticism.
Only smart alec remarks, references to dirty words and big hand signals that
are known for causing traffic accidents.)
The
Online Pregnancy Test
Think that little gut of yours is just some excess weight? Feeling bloated
and irritable most of the time? We can't help you beyond that, but you can
check and see if you're pregnant. (I can
help you before that. Yeah baby, yeah!) Once again, "Dear God, Noooo"
and "The Centre for the Easily Amused" strives to become a family oriented
site that is rich with humor and intellect but free of obscene and tasteless
content.
Stomp Furby??
Every year, a new toy causes worldwide panic, economic stress, and motherly
brawls between supposedly caring parents. Now you have the ultimate power
to decide which Furby lives and which Furby dies.
(Does the question "Stomp Furby??" really need an answer? That's like asking
"Cancel Roseanne?")
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