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The
Internet UPC Database
Some have called them a breakthrough in information storage technology. Some
have called them the mark of the apocalyptic beast. Some have called them
those little black lines on the bottom of their bag of Funyuns.
(That last group of people are heavy drug
users.)
Just
Toast
Take the tedious task of trying testing toast and throw it towards the trash.
Try "Just Toast," the true toast in a Tupperware tin for the tired toast taster
in a tizzy.
(That's right, it's toast in a can! Brought
you you by the makers of "Pre-poured Cereal in a Cup" and "Nuclear Warhead
in a Brown Paper Bag".)
North Carolina Poop Counter
Let's face facts, there's a lot of crap floating around out there. Now learn
what they North Carolina legislature is doing to count the crap and find the
feces.
(If you really want to find all the crap
in North Carolina, start with Jesse Helms' house.)
The Museum of Bad Art
If you have trouble understanding the transcendental meaning of Picasso's
subtle allegorical existential depth, try looking at some really bad art for
a change.
(The Hall of Joe Camel is a must see, folks.)
Harry's
Internet Disco Strobe Light Party Page
Join Harry and the rest of the retro royalty for the swankiest, sultriest,
and strangest disco bash since Studio 54 started serving solicitors some saucy
Sarsaparilla shots. (Sung to the tune of
"Fame": FAME! I'm gonna have that song in my head forever! Now I'm gonna throw
up!)
Spanish Road Sign Gallery
They've become the world wide way to say "Stop," "Yield" and "Speed Limit:
55 MPH." Now see how Spanish Sunday drivers say "road sign" in espanol.
(Fast fact: In Texas, the word "road sign" can also be translated to "target
practice.")
Traffic Cone Preservation Society
Every year, thousands of innocent road cones are killed in tragic automobile
accidents and acts of vehicular homicide. Help prevent these innocent creations
from becoming the next victim of 1986 Buick station wagon's rear tire.
(Yeah, and while we're on the subject, what the hell are all those damn road
cones doing the middle of the *#^ing street anyway? I'm trying to drivem for
crying out loud!)
The Tacky
Postcard Archive
They're in every truck stop and tourist trap from here to Honolulu. Now visit
the only person who dares to post every peculiar postcard people have ever
purchased. (Well, it's good to see that the
money taxpayers spend on rehabilitating criminals isn't going to waste.)
Great
Mobile Homes of Mississippi
You've seen them on the side of the highway. You've seem them fly through
the air in the middle of tornadoes. Now see them on the WWW in all their double
wide wonder. (Another group of people who
gave the movie "Twister" two thumbs down. That is, if they still have both
of their thumbs.)
The Paper Clip Page
They've been holding our most important papers together and wasting our time
in the office ever since we can remember. You can bend them, you can twist
them, you can contort them into the shapes of barnyard animals. But don't
you dare just call them "office supplies."
(You can also fling paper clips into people's eyes.)
The TV Test Pattern Page
We see them everyday of our lives, alas we still manage to take them for granted.
Even though, they interrupt the shows we watch, hypnotise us into submission,
and convince us that the world is going to end when the Jerry Springer movie
primeries. Well, that's what they tell me at least.
(TV test patterns are also the leading cause of bricks flying through television
screens. Donnie & Marie Osmond come in a close second.)
The World Famous Asphalt Museum
Think that all sidewalks are the same? There's enough of them to fill an entire
memorial and this guy had the guts to do it.
(Man, first people are taking pictures of famous people's driveways and next
thing you know, some nut starts taking samples of them. What is the world
coming to? Well, I guess if you wanna be famous, you gotta give up your name,
your heart and your driveway.)
Yossie's Handcuff Collection
Kids collect all kinds of keepsakes -- stamps, baseball cards, pets. However,
this man has chosen to spring his childhood hobby into a full-fledged gallery
of cuffs, collars and other crankshafts.
(This guy's got more restraining devices than Larry Flynt and Tipper Gore
combined.)
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