Like most incoherent three-year-olds, Tinky Winky does very little dating. In fact, the enormous purple character spends most of his time wandering around with the rest of his Teletubby pals babbling in baby talk. Nonetheless, the Reverend Jerry Falwell has accused Mr. Winky of "role modeling the gay lifestyle," mostly because he "speaks with a boy's voice and carries a purse." Falwell also points out that Tinky Winky has a triangle on his head, "the gay pride symbol," and perhaps most damningly, that he is purple, "the gay pride color." Using this logic, I have a few questions about the relationship between Ronald McDonald and his bloated pal Grimace, but even with Falwell's "evidence," I'm not all that worried about what the Teletubbies do after the show.

Part of a block of PBS children's programming that includes another giant purple threat to society, Barnie, "Teletubbies'" target audience still wears diapers. To please its largely pre-verbal viewership, the Teletubbies engage in a series of mind-numbingly repetitive adventures aimed at conveying controversial messages such as "sharing is good."

Like almost anything aimed at very little kids, the Teletubbies make about as much sense to grownups as the State of the Union address does to three-year-olds. Not meant to be taken literally, Tinky Winky, along with his pals Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po, exist in the same ageless world that houses a giant talking bird, a lovable sourpuss who lives in a trash can and an ill-tempered pig who romances a precocious frog.

By giving adult attributes, like the ability to speak or have an apartment, to child-like characters, TV producers can deliver lessons to kids in a form they understand. These aren't generally messages like "start sleeping with Elton John," or "kill your parents;" they're more likely things like "four comes after three," and "fire engines are red."

Before Falwell outed Tinky Winky, few grownups had ever spent much time thinking about whether the group even had genders. Although they are basically naked, the Tubbies have very little gender identification. That's because it's not a question most toddlers care about.

Adults may also wonder why Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po have television sets built into their stomachs, and why the sun they play under has the face of a laughing infant. But you might as well ask why the villains never just shoot Batman, or why the Coyote doesn't just give up on the Roadrunner and order from Domino's.

We accept these implausibilities because the universe in which they occur somehow just works. Two-year-olds have no concept of sexuality. They never question Bert and Ernie's living arrangement, and they listen to Little Richard's children's record without raising an eyebrow or uttering a single homophobic slur.

Though I'm sure Reverend Falwell has given this issue a lot of thought, perhaps there are other opportunities for homophobic rhetoric that warrant his attention. I've heard Crayola's purple crayon has started spending a lot of time with Nathan Lane, and I'm sure you can raise more than a few questions about the Minnesota Vikings' famed Purple People Eaters defense.