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Bungling Sox Boss Must Go

Though I have strong doubts about their ability to write a novel, I'm pretty sure that 1,000 monkeys sitting at 1,000 typewriters could do a better job running the Red Sox than the team's General Manager, Dan Duquette. By employing the curious strategy of replacing his best players with less talented, more expensive ones, The Duke has become Boston's least popular figure since King George III. But while King George had at least a few redeeming qualities (his country made excellent tea and the Red Coats were extremely well dressed), Duquette's only saving grace is that he had no direct involvement in the actual trade that made Roger Clemens a Yankee.

Clemens, whom Duquette had no interest in resigning, despite his interest in remaining in Boston, left the Red Sox two years ago for a four-year deal with Toronto. Since then, while playing on a team filled with minor-leaguers and has-beens, Rocket Roger has won two Cy Young awards as best pitcher in the American League. To be fair to Duquette, Clemens did lose 13 games over the last two years, and the Cy Young ballots weren't quite unanimous.

During Duquette's tenure, the Red Sox have parted ways with two future Hall-of-Famers and one of the best hitters in the league, getting nothing in return. With the exception of Pedro Martinez, the only notable signings were Bret Saberhagen, an aging pitcher held together with Scotch tape, and Jose Offerman, a $26 million backup second baseman.

To put his blundering into perspective for the non-baseball fan, imagine that Duquette had spent the last four years as mayor of Boston rather than Sox G.M. Mayor Duquette would have given the Tobin Bridge to Toronto and let Faneuil Hall move to Anaheim. To replace them, he'd have paid Akron, Ohio $34 million for a sewage treatment plant no other city wanted. Because of a personality clash, he'd have let Charlie, the guy lost on the T, move to the Tokyo Subway and for good measure, he'd have kicked Ethel Kennedy in the shins. Instead of bringing the Sox the World Series title that has eluded them for almost 100 years, Duquette has built a mediocre team filled with few, if any, likeable characters. Short of painting the Green Monster teal or cashing in by changing the team's name to the Red Lobsters or the Fruit of the Loom Red Socks, this rotisserie-geek-turned-executive has done everything possible to offend the fans. Popular players not only get pushed out of town, but in the case of former league MVP Mo Vaughn, they get harassed and tailed by private detectives on the way out the door. Vaughn might drink too much, and he may also eat a little too much. But I think most baseball fans probably remember another one-time Red Sox slugger with similar problems. That player, George Herman "Babe" Ruth, actually went on to some acclaim in the sport and in fact, actually won more than a few World Series championships as a New York Yankee.

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