Challenging the Conventional Wisdom
Expanding Horizons
Popular culture depicts a sleek, long legged, big-breasted, nubile blonde as the ideal love partner... just the type of fantasy woman who would turn up her nose at a shy man, and why not, as she could choose from any number of ruggedly handsome socially adept men... These are the beautiful people, a world unto themselves, unapproachable, narcissistic, smug, and far removed from reality. Shy men are well advised to stay clear of this particular crowd.
Consider instead women outside the mainstream. Fellow social outcasts,
they are real people, human beings who have had to grapple with
life's hardships, to endure pain, to choke on embarrassment, to feel
the lash of rejection... just as you have. Struggling with problems,
rebounding from failure, learning by necessity to fight - all this
develops the personality, forces one to grow, to become fully human,
to become capable of loving and worthy of being loved.
Fat women are round and cuddly. Lush and sensuous, warm and accepting, they radiate love. Their endless flowing curves, impossible to encompass save by caress, express the very essence of femaleness. Soft and yielding, ever so much more squeezable than their sharp-edged bony sisters, they submerge you in their embrace, their embrace, oh, so sweet, the Primeval Ocean, the source of life.
Older women make better lovers, as celebrated in song and folklore. Their life skills uplift shy youthful lovers past barriers of fear and inexperience. Unexcelled as nurturers and teachers, they bestow patience and understanding. They care.
Single mothers can be wonderful companions. Children are the great equalizer in the dating game, and classy women who might otherwise not even give you a second glance find you attractive if you are not put off by their children. These are mature women, experienced in the ways of life, insightful, less likely to judge you by superficial appearance and dismiss you because you do not fit the mold of a sociable fun-loving guy. This is an opportunity... and a grave responsibility. If you accept the woman, you must likewise accept her children, as they must accept you.
Handicapped women overflow with boundless love. Forging vast inner resources to cope with physical infirmity, they infuse strength annealed with compassion into a relationship. Having anguished, but not shattered, flamed but not burned, cried but not despaired, they bear hope and healing to the fortunate men who find them.
Women of different races and cultures blend an aura of the exotic with
a tinge of the forbidden. Diversity adds color to a relationship, and a
touch of the strange lends spice and excitement to the flowering of
intimacy.
You may want a conventionally beautiful woman hanging on your arm,
one you could proudly show off to friends and family as a mark of personal
achievement, a trophy, a status symbol. What you need is closeness
and honesty in an intense, emotionally supportive relationship. Look
for a real woman, a woman who, like yourself, has experienced
pain and rejection because she does not conform to society's standards
of appearance. Look for a woman whose beauty is more than skin-deep.
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies.
Lord Byron
Redefining Roles
Creative self-defense against the system requires stepping outside it. As a shy person, you already have the advantage of being an outsider. The perceptual prison of traditionalism need not bind and limit you, rather, it can be used to your advantage.
You, the shy person, have been assigned a role, a mask to wear, by your social group. Left in the background, pushed aside by your more aggressive peers in competition for mates, treated as a "younger brother" by eligible women, you cannot help seeing yourself as victim. Stop. Take a hand in the writing of the story, not just in the acting.
Graciously accept the role of a safe,
non-threatening friend. Be the confidante, the shoulder to cry on, the
sympathetic listener. Observe, listen, and learn. Stay aloof from the
role playing, the manipulative mating behavior of the other inmates of
the asylum. When your time comes, and it will, you'll have grown into
the persona of the wise man, the healer, your "elder" self,
a giver of love. And to the giver shall be given.
|
You cannot.
|
All You Really Need To Know About Women
Under a hard shell of indifference and standoffishness, beneath all
those protests of self-sufficiency, there burns a desperate loneliness,
a deep hunger for companionship, for someone to talk with, to share
the small delights of everyday life with, for understanding, and yes,
for a little tenderness and a caring touch. This is the ultimate source
of every woman's vulnerability, so often exploited by predators, and it
cries out for compassion... and loving.
Special Handling Required
What an enigma is woman. Seldom understood, often abused and reviled, regarded with a mixture of awe and fear, she is dismissed as a distraction from important affairs, yet still revered as the ultimate Mystery. Traditionally forced into the role of the scapegoat, treated with contempt or outright brutality, intimidated, exploited and used, she has suffered much at the hands of her men. Forgotten is that woman has been the keeper of the racial wisdom, the crucible of culture, the preserver of civilization, the nurturer of life, the center of family and the clan, the source of creation.
Treat women kindly, and be rewarded. Leave control and mind games to
the users and manipulators. You
have evolved past that. Cherish and respect all women, for is not every
woman at the core the image of your mother, your daughter, your lover?