It looks like the NC, as we know it, is pining for the fjords. IBM, it seems, is getting out of the NC biz, and Oracle is giving away more than it can sell. Well, helpful guy that I am, I thought I'd offer some suggestions on what to do with all those extra NCs laying around:

• Put in blender. Whirr. Pour. Mmmmm, that's good NC.
• Give 'em away to schools--they'll never know the difference.
• They make great bookends for that "Dummies" series.
• With a sidearm toss, I'll bet you could skip 'em three or four times across a lake or a pond.
• Strap onto your belt and play "SuperLarry!"
• Weave them into a fetching and eye-catching evening gown. Madonna needs some new clothes, doesn't she?
• Play one backward on your own turntable. Do you hear a faint "Oracle is dead?"
• Add mortar to build a decorative garden wall.
• Or use 'em to build a little patio out back.
• Squish 'em in the dirt--they make great stepping-stones, too.
• Save water! Drop one in your toilet reservoir.
• Reverse polarity on the power supply and plug it in on July 4. Better have a long extension cord!
• I'll bet Marv Albert could figure out at least 101 uses.
• Build an artificial reef outside Billy's Xanadu.
• Reinvigorate the sport of curling with your NC.
• Create a politically correct version of "dwarf tossing."
• Are you worried about alien invasions? Shoot them into space and we'll be written off as unintelligent life for another 100 years.
• You've heard of brilliant pebbles? How about an anti-missile defense called dopey boxes?
• Wind chimes!
• Pizza warmers.
• Convince David Letterman to throw a network computer off the Empire State Building. Then film the descent in slow motion.
• Superglue a Tamagotchi to the front and give them away at Comdex.
• Nail a parrot to one, and suddenly you're a British comedian.
• Dress them up as your favorite "South Park" characters. Re-enact your favorite episode. Avoid microwaving Kenny, though.
• Who needs Habitrails? Slap a few NCs together and let your hamsters loose.
• Chia grows everywhere, and you need a Chia Pet.
• Get yourself a three-ring binder, slap an NC inside and sell 'em on the Web as notebook computers.
• Tile your bathroom!
• Put it on top of your television. Hey, that's as good as WebTV, ain't it?
• Speed bumps!
• Finally, a computerized chess opponent you can actually defeat.

Well OK, that's not 101--but I ran out of room. So let's take this list to 101--send me your favorites, and I'll post the best ones in a future online column.

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