WOSSUP!?

Hey, wot's happenin' doods? Yo! It must have come just like a big shock for ya, when ya see these sheets of paper arrivin'... Hehe... Like I always said; "Anutha ILLEGAL? Well never say never, but ya know! Perhaps one day a lonely ILLEGAL #38 may be dropped in your postbox..." - And wot the hell, HERE IT IS doods!

Ergh... onto the mag; I KNOW IT'S NOT TOO GOOD!!! But just think, I had only 8 days from zero to 100!! And considerin' that, well I'm quite satisfied... though of course it could have been better! No NEWSROOM, even no computer was used, just think of it!

I surely have to apologize to a certain people for not calling them and asking again for their much needed help, but 'cause of the lack of time, that was really not possible. Well to all those guys who never heard of ILLEGAL before they saw this one, I would like to say; "Shame on you! Where have you been 2 years before? A lot was much better than now!"...

Anyway, anyday... seems as I gotta go. But hey, I escaped from the electric chair, so any good and serious magazine producers are fairly welcome to talk with me about future plans... and NEVER SAY NEVER! Perhaps one day a lonely ILLEGAL #39 may be dropped in your postbox... and leaving you with my greetings I wish a merry X-mas and a very happy new year to all of you... Warm underwear throughout these cold winter days to:

CONAN, GENERAL ZOFF and DRAGO (without you I wouldn't be here), TRI-DOS (a real friend and cultured DJ), LAZER of NBB (yeah), MR.PINGE, JANITOR, IXION and all others from the old TRIAD staff, WEETIBIX, CHUNK, LEE... one of those Liverpudlian SCOUSERS (awesome!), FOZZ, HOBBIT, MAD ALL (good pal, where are you?), of course JUST ICE, STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT, T'KAY, NIK, JORDI from sunny Spain (Olympic alcohol drinkin' 1992), SWYX of TRIANGLE, GENE of ACE, HI-TEC, MITCH of EAGLESOFT, ANTITRACK, SSD, BIG BEN and of course Christian (THE FLEET) of X-RAY from yodelin' Austria, IRATA, MR.ZEROPAGE, all of HOTLINE, all at TALENT, all Americans, all JOY divisioneers, Sabine, Guns'n'Roses and Arnold Schwarzenegger... -"HASTA LA VISTA, BABY" /JEFF SMART

THE LATEST RUMORS!

Judgement Day - OlΘ! Back from the deepest, darkest cave in hell, HE is once again taking a pen and paper to show the world where the bear is dancing... and not only the bear, lads! The elite of cracking history is with him on his way back to realism, back to something wicked... back to something illegal!

• After seeing his NUDE picture in ILLEGAL #38, MWS of RADWR was offered a job by German cable-TV RTL Plus. MWS was asked to join the notorious TV-show "Tutti Frutti"! Will he be there soon?
• HARRY of 711 had big problems with a serious operation in a hospital that became necessary. His nose was completely out of order, because somebody told poor, poor HARRY (aka Walter - remember Magic Disk) that money doesn't smell.
• T'KAY of former TRIAD, and programmer of several demos is said to repeat again a full term at school. Due to his horribly weak English knowledge, the subjects "Childish Behaviour" and "Naivety" were main reasons for him to go back for one more year.
• TRI-DOS of PANINARO, formerly IKARI was actually badly hurt by his dog Bruno. Bruno, who got his name from English boxing legend Frank Bruno, became agressive because of TRI-DOS' try to pin up a picture of Mike Tyson who beat Frank Bruno a year ago badly! We hope that none of Paul's important bodyparts were injured! Ouuch!
• Rumors come up that UK cracking legend WEETIBIX of the SCOUSE CRACKING GROUP is nowadays employed as a chief assistant at the BPAS - that's the "BRITISH PREGNANCY ADVISORY SERVICE"! So for any problems or fears call old Gregory at +44-XXX-XXX-XXX!

TOP SECRETS!

Old legendary secrets finally revealed! ILLEGAL let's you have a look into the secret safe of the world's most famous pirates. So be surprised, or be angry if your name is published here at last.

• Who was TRON of EAGLESOFT?
  Do you all remember those European cracks from an all-Americal group? Do you remember the Dutch member TRON of EAGLESOFT who asked the world if anyone out there wanted to buy or swap with the legend EAGLESOFT? Do you remember yourself sending packages to a P.O. Box in Holland or even paying money for software supply? Yes?
  So who was the one who disappeared as fast as he came? No idea? We do! Believe it or not; MWS of RADWAR used to be TRON of ESI! Not really of course - first thought of as a joke, he was surprised by the big response and started up with the P.O. Box in Holland! Not only lamers replied, but such elites as HOTLINE, BROS, ACTION, GP and lots more! In the end MWS earned a lot of money through this. And you may also notice that even well known people pretend to be in groups that they definitely are not! At least as long as someone can disprove it!
• Who was in ELITE?
  Yeah, so before rumors still go around here's now a hopefully complete member list; Founded by CONAN, GENERAL ZOFF, SPEEDCRACKER, ZAZ, RADWAR, T'KAY and JEFF SMART in 1988 at the RADWAR PARTY II! Later joined by DRAGO, MR.CURSOR, RAGMAN, LEVEL 99 (DIFFLEX). The name was JEFFIE's idea. Our stuff was delivered by UNITRAX! All from Germany - Germany's ELITE!
• Anti-DYNAMIC DUO demos?
  In the early days there occurred some anti-DYNAMIC DUO demos, but the most famous was the "10th Frame" screen. Meant not as ragging, but just as a good joke! And oh-boy it was! And again MWS of RADWAR signs responsible for this.
• Who was GOGO BROWN?
  Surprised by the success of EVIL EDDY, GOGO BROWN (name taken from a song by Heaven 17) went on copying him. Finding out some things are much easier to say if nobody knows who said them, JEFF SMART himself continued writing under the name of GOGO BROWN!
• Who was EVIL EDDY?
  Started for TRANSCOM's "CCCP" and later shocking it's readers through articles in here! EVIL EDDY became a synonym for big speculations. In the end, you can guess it. Who speaks English so well that he became an English teacher? Who had a favorite music band Iron Maiden, which had EVIL EDDY a monster on their album covers? Which group had this EVIL EDDY on it's disk covers? Got it? MAD ALL of COMMANDOFRONTIER, Belgium!

THAT NAME SOUNDS IN MY EARS!

Which group does everyone from totally lame guys to the elite know for sure? We wondered, and here are the results!

1. EAGLESOFT (94%)
2. TRIAD (89%)
3. IKARI (87%)
4. HOTLINE (85%)
5. FAIRLIGHT (78%)
6. ELITE (62%)
7. BEASTIE BOYS (53%)
8. STRIKE FORCE/MOVERS (46%)
9. BROS (43%)
10. ACE (40%)

NOBLE CROSSING

When a rumor went around originally started by STEVE of ZENITH that when I was in IKARI I got some guy to always crack games for me. Anyway there was no truth but some people went on about it like even NIK of IKARI. Well I quit the C64 and IKARI and then returned several months later in PANINARO with BAMBAM, PACO, MAGNETIC/USA, FALCO, a guy called YATTERING and myself. And it was myself and YATTERING who done the cracks.

Then rumors started to go 'round again that YATTERING did all the cracks and dickheads like SHARK of INC would go around saying he did all the cracks, and I was just a spreader. Well, he was right! It was both TRI-DOS and YATTERING, the same person and not even the other members in PANINARO know this, so all you people with your false claims were true in their own right, but it looks as if you've been doublecrossed. /PAUL (TRI-DOS)

THE STORY OF SYSTEM FOUR

Oh my God, where have I been? 32 months away from good and bad, just sleeping the sleep of the sleeper... Never ever thought they would release me from these dark cells without windows, without light and without SYSTEM FOUR! Been away so long, and having stood in a big heap of shit I finally learned who my real friends are. And you can believe me, there are not many dudes you can trust!

It's cold outside as I step out of the prison, it's snowing heavily... and I put on my old sunglasses! Only people I've never seen before are sitting and standing next to me in the underground and I take the train directly into the centre of SYSTEM FOUR... But hell, what's that!? The former centre is gone away! Oh my God, where am I?? 32 months away and everything changed... People say they are in the a-class, so wot? I'm thinking, thinking... yeah, heard of 'em before...

But who's leading this shit? Can't see anyone, can't see anyone who knows me. I just thought to go back at once, I thought I'd give an old friend a call. Dial his number and listen to his answering machine. I leave a message and tell him it's urgent... But time passes! If you rely on him, you are lost!! Do you want to talk to an answering machine!?? It's nothing personal, so it's JUDGEMENT DAY!!

An old friend from the a-class recognizes me, invites me and together we have great ideas. But I don't know, I'm sure I won't stay forever again, although a good job was offered to me, and my old company seems to be back in action, at least! Too many things that hold my heart away from SYSTEM FOUR's leading position, could you believe it? Well, thinking 'bout it, I still cannot... Dropping my sunglasses for the first time ever in SYSTEM FOUR I can see the day is as dark as the night is long, so baby, light my way!

Other systems rise, and then they fall, they are there and away... Lost much of my strengths?? I don't think so, maybe the real a-class will be soon kicking asses again... Who knows? Oh, my God, where will I be? 32 months of absence and they seem to have manipulated my brain... But fighting is a way, not easy, but do I need it?? Tell me, and then...

WHO WAS SQUEALING on STRIKE FORCE/MOVERS?

The guys in that fab cooperation got busted on December 7th of 1988! At 7.30am sixteen policemen entered the houses of eight guys! And damn they got 'em! SPITFIRE wrote on a board these days something like this;

-"Norman (CONAN) you sold software, so that's why you got busted."

Fuck! That's a lie! I talked to Norman and he never sold software! As SPITFIRE got busted, he told the police everything about SF/MOVERS. And fuck, they used to be friends! But SPITFIRE didn't care at least! So shut the fuck up! SF/MOVERS never turned you into trouble, even after that. But they should have done that. And better get out of DRAGO's eyes, he read what you said to the police.

'Cause it was the main reason for him to get caught. So my tip: If you won't get into troubles make sure that SPITFIRE doesn't have your ADDRESS! /GENERAL ZOFF

WHERE HAVE ALL THE GREAT GUYS GONE?

NAME	AGE	FAMOUS FOR...	STATUS (PERSONAL, PROFESSIONAL)
TRI-DOS	20	PANINARO, IKARI	Girlfriend, College
WEETIBIX	20	SCOUSE CRACKING GROUP	Girlfriend, University
MR.PINGE	21	TRIAD	No permanent girlfriend, Working at a newspaper
JANITOR	21	TRIAD	Solo, University
SLEDGEHAMMER	24	HOTLINE	Solo, Working
MWS	24	RADWAR, THE LIGHT CIRCLE	Nobody cares really...
JUST ICE	22	IKARI	Solo, Working
JEFF SMART	21	TRIAD, SCG, "ILLEGAL"	Girlfriend, Working
CONAN	20	ELITE, STRIKE FORCE	Girlfriend, Working
ANTITRACK	23	COSMOS, LEGEND	Boring, University
STRIDER	21	FAIRLIGHT	7 girlfriends, Communist killer
MITCH	24	EAGLESOFT	Girlfriend, Working (drug dealer)
MR.ZEROPAGE	24	THE LIGHT CIRCLE	Girlfriend, Working (computer)
MAD ALL	24	COMMANDOFRONTIER	Girlfriend, Working

TOP 10 MOVIES OF ALL TIME!

You casted your votes, and they read like this;

1. THE TERMINATOR, TERMINATOR II
2. STAR WARS, EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, RETURN OF THE JEDI
3. TOTAL RECALL
4. GHOSTBUSTERS, GHOSTBUSTERS II
5. DIE HARD, DIE HARD II
6. ALIEN, ALIENS (ALIEN II)
7. RUNNING MAN
8. RAMBO, RAMBO II, RAMBO III
9. BLUES BROTHERS
10. LIFE OF BRIAN

FAMOUS LAST WORDS COMPILED BY JEFF SMART

• I have not seen that asshole Colin Loosemore for a very long time. LAZER/NBB
• Yo Jeff (20/12/88), I thought I would just send you these new cracks just to show ya I am still alive from that RADWAR party! Hope this package gets to you before Christmas! Oh, gotta go! /Paul (TRI-DOS of IKARI)
• Nice to see ELITE 1st with Tom & Jerry, Hard'n'Heavy etc. Definately Germany's elite. OK, bye! /MARK (JUST ICE of IKARI)
• Jeesus, as if I'm slowly getting tired! Yours, MITCH of EAGLESOFT INC.

THE FINAL WORD

So how comes that bastard still wants to make an ILLEGAL? Well, actually I don't know really by myself, it's like an urge when I think back on the old days and then I notice that I've never had the chance to round up the whole thing, if yo uknow what I mean. I mean there was an issue #37 and then??

Just when I tried to make a final issue (no joke!), the cops busted me! Hell! And also I can see (from the small angle I can judge from) that in today's cracking and hacking scene no real good magazine appears (if you have an own - sorry). I only saw different disk magazines (e.g. "Sex'n'Crime" etc) and either way they are shit and uninformative or it's just slagging off each other.

Well what's the bad of slagging each other anyway? Nothing, but I think that by reading that you don't get a chance to develop an own point of view, do you? /JEFFIE

ILLEGAL is an ELITE prodution 1991 - Directed by JEFF SMART and produced by CONAN and GENERAL ZOFF for ELITE Ltd. 1991

-"Mama put my guns in the ground I can't shoot 'em anymore that cold black cloud is coming down - feels like I'm knocking on heaven's door."

JEFF SMART would like to thank the following for making it a real JUDGEMENT DAY; CONAN, GENERAL ZOFF, TRI-DOS, ANTITRACK, JUST ICE, MR.PINGE, DRAGO and last and least T'KAY! L8R M8S!

-"I'm a cold heartbreaker fit to burn and I'll rip your heart in two and I'll leave you lying on the bed.
I'll be out the door before you wake it's nothing to you, 'cause I think we've read that magazine too, did we??

THE WORLD'S BEST PIRATES IN HISTORY MAN!

BEST CRACKER		BEST CRACKING GROUP
1. JANITOR of TRIAD 29% 2. WEETIBIX of SCG 28% 3. MR.ZEROPAGE of TLC 11% 4. GOLLUM of FAIRLIGHT 10% 5. OMEGA MAN of TCS 8%		1. IKARI 46% 2. FAIRLIGHT 12% 3. TRIAD 11% 4. HOTLINE 10% 5. SCOUSE CRACKING GROUP 9%
BEST PROGRAMMER		BEST PROGRAMMING TEAM
1. WHITE of THE JUDGES 27% 2. MR.CURSOR 26% 3. TMC of SCOOP DESIGN 18% 4. OMEGA MAN of TCS 12% 5. MARIO VAN ZEIST 8%		1. THE JUDGES 31% 2. SCOOP DESIGN 24% 3. IAN & MIC 10% 4. ASH & DAVE 9% 5. 1001 CREW 8%
BEST DEMO		BEST COMPOSED TRACK
1. THINK TWICE by THE JUDGES 31% 2. THAT'S THE WAY IT IS by SCOOP DESIGN 24% 3. TRAIL MIX by SOEDESOFT 11% 4. DUAL CASSETTE by ASH & DAVE 10% 5. PIMPLESQUEEZER by RAWHEAD 8%		1. GREEN BERET 24% 2. THE LAST NINJA II 23% 3. CYBERNOID II 20% 4. SHADOWFIRE 13% 5. BIONIC COMMANDO 6%
BEST COMPOSER		BEST GAME
1. MARTIN GALWAY 30% 2. CHARLES DEENEN of MON 22% 3. ROB HUBBARD 20% 4. JEROEN TEL of MON 13% 5. JCH of VIBRANTS 6%		1. ELITE 24% 2. PIRATES 22% 3. THE LAST NINJA 18% 4. KATAKIS 15% 5. ULTIMA V 10%
WORLD'S FAMOUS LEGEND		GREATEST EVENT EVER
1. EAGLESOFT INC. 25% 2. TRIAD 24% 3. IKARI 18% 4. STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT 13% 5. JEFF SMART 11%		1. VENLO meeting December '88 + TV-show "High Score" + RADWAR Party II (all in ONE day!) 50% 2. PCS Show '88 20% 3. DANISH GOLD party '87 8% 4. IKARI-DOMINATORS-ZARGON party '89 7% 5. PCS Show '89 6%

Due to your voting in ILLEGAL, we were able to show you the ULTIMATE voting list. Who's the world's best? Well, see above! Thanx 4 yer votes dudes - especially; TRI-DOS, HOBBIT, LAZER, SLEDGEHAMMER, MITCH/ESI and STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT!