Geez it fuckin' seemz as if that darned period of absolute boredom does stop so soon. Well, below you there's a brief list of some titles that can be expected (hopefully) soon. Anyway some greetings to my best pals around:

EX-RAY (CHRIS + ze hewy drinkin' rest), IKA-RAY (ze hol' bunch 've coolezt m8s), FARE-LITE (STRIDER, BLACK SHADOW, BACCHUS, HOBBIT, GOLLUM...), ROUGH-NUTZ (NOSIE, THREE-DOS, SULY), JCS (FOZZIE + CHUNKE), GREEN SEC-TOR (ATATI+NILPAGE), BLUE MONX (GREAT GREEN), WORD 'VE WANDERZ (ND), NU BANG CORE BROS (ND), VIZION FACTS + BEYONDEARS (WOOKEY), COMA (ZEN N TY RED CRU), HATLINE (SLETCH + ROBBER), 471126524162 (WALLIE), STAIDS'K, COMAN + SERGEANT ZOFF, SCHATZ + BIERSOLDAT (stillgestanden), DER DUGGY, PIITECK, RAGGIE, THE COP SHOCKER, ARND of the court, MAD OWL, WEETIHICKS, EXODUS+RAMPAR+USA (thanx 4 rl ze confs, doodz), FAMUS, NATO (MEGA...), PULSAR (MICKEY), that ole' woman Beany, my ole' buddy PINGA (cowboy), Grandad, Mum'n'Dead, IAN + the living rest, ANDREA, and all of the dead among the living undead (hah!??)... Well, we'll see you around! (we aren't blind)! /JS

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Hi Mate! I just found it strange when I read about that Lord van Grafenreuth sucker talking bullshit. He said in the "High Score" show during the discussion (referring to ILLEGAL Issue #34) the following:

-"The changing, destroying, and supressing of any datas of a programme is punishable!"

Now, I'm just wondering what is with official computer magazines publishing "POKEs" to train games for unlimited lives, disabling sprite collisions etc... According to Grafenreuth this would mean that computer magazines are supporting the so-called "changing of datas" or what? Pretty stupid what this idiot is saying, isn't it? /MOC of MANTRONIX

Answer: You've got a very good point there MOC. I will tell MWS of RADWAR to ask Grafenreuth about this next time when they have a discussion again. /JS

NEWS FROM THE INNER SECTION

They do exist! Well here they are, packed together by the one and only drunken JEFF SMART! The latest news from the Inner Section.

• Top news are coming from Great Britan (as usual) where NIK and JUST ICE of living legend IKARI declared at their fab party that they are going to drop the work on the C64 mostly! Geez, for what? They want to concentrate more on Amiga, of course! What a loss!
• Aha, WEETIBIX, former master cracker of fame SCG returns! But, guess what (nah - not again!) only on Amiga, to kick ORACLE's ass. Humm, Britain's Amiga scene getting more interesting at last.
• Damn, Mr.ZEROPAGE almost finished doing the impossible! He was about to release Dragon's Lair (yes, the darned six-pack.. "!/ñ(/ err.. six-disk Amiga game) when he got a phonecall from Readysoft! They told him that he would get into the greatest difficulties if he releases the game. Though he wondered how they got to know RED SECTOR was going to crack it, he had to stop now. SHIT!
• THE DOUGHNUTS stayed very quiet the last month, after NOSAH went off to the Falklands. However TRI-DOS is still alive doing some cracks, together with some promising guy called YATTERING (whatever THAT means!?), who showed some talent.
• Aha! $$$ rulez the world! GOLLUM and THE SARGE of old star team FAIRLIGHT presented their new game that is probably called RUBICON, featuring close similarities to Hawkeye, but it seems to be ace! They still search for a company, but you can yet wonder who's going to crack it!?
• Though ELITE seems to be very quiet recently, 711 seems to take over the German business. Fast originals and a talented cracker (MR.LEE) made them also appear for the first time in the cracker charts in the fifth spot.
• Austrian COSMOS were claiming to be releasing the shortest versions of the games they crack. Just some examples: Schwuppdi by COSMOS took 151 blocks, and X-RAY's version had 93! Eliminator by AGILE took 100 blocks while COSMOS' had some 131 blocks! AHA!
• Well it seems as if that GENESIS*PROJECT/FIRE EAGLE cooperation is dead. Not that big of a deal, as they were lame enough to release tht Motor Massacre equivalent to Road Raider we talked about last time.
• Some new light appears on Amiga: BLACK MONKS gave a lot of other a series of kicks with excellent releases of R-Type and The Kristal. Gosh!
• How good people can crack was proved by MIRACLE (the No.1 in Denmark as they say). They did The Deep in one single part. Some problems only appear when you finish the first level and the next one has to be loaded. MIRACLE rather seems to be the new "STEVEs of ZENITH"!
• More strange releases came from another Danish group called KEFRENS, who brought us Lords of the Rising Sun, but you surely found out that this was only a preview. I mean it'd have been all OK, if they mentioned that fact in their intro. But they did not! Strange indeed!
• Also take The Deep (Amiga) from Dutch BORN TO WIN: Not only that you have to take some special nibble copy to get a working copy of the game, it additionally crashes after level 1. PACO, where did you go?
• I was an idiot enough (who said: "nothing new JEFF?") to make everyone believe that CRAZY would have a party a day before the IKARI/ZARGON party. Fucking bullshit that is! It's actually on April 22-23rd in Switzerland. So sorry!
• How lucky those MANIACS OF NOISE are! Not only are they doing most of the soundtracks of every game, Nah... Now they also got a contract with no one less than Activision (not all exclusively of course) The first MON music for Activision will be featured in HotRod (coming in approx. 2 months).
• News from Digital Marketing: After their Cop Shocker they are now releasing a comfortable music-editor that not only features a separate sound-fx editor, but also an easy to handle window-interface. And the best thing about this is that every user has his own copyright on every music tracks he makes!
• HOTLINE is going to install a 24 hrs European board. RICO of HOTLINE will be running it.
• WORLD OF WONDERS seems to take over most of the boards in the States and also trying to convince some guys from VISION FACTORY to crack for WOW in exchange for a 9600 bps modem. Huh? THE CHAMELEON (ex-cracker of ORACLE) now cracks for WOW.
• Not surprisingly, RED SECTOR turns out not to neglect the C64 business. The crack of Code Masters' Advanced Pinball Simulator not only offered a high score save option (I wish that would happen on Amiga games), but their very talented cracker MR.PRESIDENT even removed a lot of bugs from the original. Another quality group, at least!
• ELITE announced to be adding two new titles to the Elite pre-released games series soon. That will be Bubble Bobble and Tyger Tyger, both from Firebird. So we can conclude they haven't died yet.
• Poor T'KAY! Last month he was caught by the coppers for the third time! His mum must have got a heart-attack! Luckily, apart from the loss of many disks, not much was done to him.
• Last but not least I got the news that NATO expanded a bit! GRECO and YAZZ (ex-ZENOBITS) now belong to NATO as well as (believe it) thrown-out-of-BROS, MAGIC CIRCLE. Huh?

RESULTS OF THE TRIANGLE COMPETITION "DEMO OF THE YEAR"

1. UPFRONT (25.0%)
2. HORIZON (19.2%)
3. STARION (15.0%)
4. DRIVE (12.5%)
5. DEXION (11.7%)
6. SPHINX (5.0%)
7. BONES (3.3%)
8. COSMOS (3.3%)
9. ABNORMAL (2.5%)
10. X-RAY (2.1%)
11. MICRO (0.4%)

IGUANA NOW FROM THE FALKLANDS?

Aha, who said that this NOSAH (editor of fab DCS mag "IGUANA") who had to go for 5 months to the Falkland Islands, would never return??? GAWD! He's still active. As I got to know directly from him, he is planning to release the new issue of "IGUANA" from the Falklands! He found some mate who has a computer down there, and NOSAH slowly began to put everything together again... That sounds so interesting, I can't wait for it! GO ON Dave! /JS

TACTICS OF THE GERMAN POLICE

Unfortunately the German police is quite infamous for their raids, probably because the German law is directed against any misuse of copyright. Well, the biggest problem is that they are collecting any kind of adresses; PLKs or P.O. Boxes. For them, finding one's adress somewhere is evidence that this poor one is connected to the pirate circuit! They do not check whether this is true or not, they just break in your door, take everything they think is important (in good cases just some disks, in bad cases: everything, and that includes not only computers, but also TV sets!).

And here starts the shit, because if they once took your stuff away, the chances of getting it back are equal to zero. You are invited to a nice examination at the police office where they not only ask silly questions, but also confront you with hundreds of adresses where you have to give comments (here they check the adresses they get), but naturally you don't have to. In rare cases you get the chance to tell them the tale that you are some unlucky programmer, and they might give your stuff back. How to help out? Get them before they get you! Next issue will feature some tips! /JS

INTERVIEW OF THE MONTH:
"THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL CRACKERS" SLEDGEHAMMER OF HOTLINE

Though Holland never had such a big importance on the international marketplace as eg. England or Germany have, it brought up one of the most famous cracker groups ever; HOTLINE. Their founder and main cracker; SLEDGEHAMMER/HTL was interviewed in this issue.

• Let's start talking about your own person a little bit. When did you decide to take the first step into this world?
  Well, I was born on 22-10-65, so you can guess my age.
• What was the reason for you to start cracking?
  The reason is that in Holland there is hardly no new software in the shops. Just about 1% of all the software released in a whole year is also released in Holland. So it's not a fucking lot! And we had good original suppliers in England. And when you get an original on tape, you like to have it on disk, right? So that's how the cracking started.
• What was the first game that you ever cracked?
  Fuck, that's a long time ago... It was Donkey Kong by Ocean somewhere in October or November of '86.
• What was the toughest protection you ever worked on?
  Defender of the Crown from Cinemaware, but I just tried it for fun. I can't think of any real hard protections from European software houses.
• What do you think, what was the most famous releases of your group?
  I don't know, probably our pre-releases like Double Dragon, Gaplus, Alloyrun etc...
• In which groups have you been?
  I've only been in my own group, yup only in HOTLINE.
• Who do you regard as the best crackers (C64 and Amiga)?
  On Amiga I reckon WORLD OF WONDERS is pretty good, but I'm not very up to date on the Amiga scene. On C64 I think TRI-DOS of DCS (even though he is a bit bigheaded) and ELITE are doing a nice job these days.
• What are you doing nowadays?
  At the moment I'm working 40 hour shifts, and I'm learning how to crack on the Atari ST.
• How do you see the whole pirate scene (C64/Amiga)?
  I got to say that it changed a lot due to the modem business. And then the fact that we and FAC started this mess. But I prefer it the way it wasabout 1.5 years ago. At least I know how to enjoy a game.
• What are your faborite...
  Games: Super Hang-On, Space Harrier and Zak McKracken (all on the ST)
  Demos: I haven't seen many demos lately, but I like the ones by SCOOP and ASH & DAVE
  Movies: Red Heat, A Fish called Wanda
  Music: Public Enemy, Run DMC, Two Live Crew etc.
  TV series: The Young Ones and Alf
• What do your future plans look like?
  Like a dark tunnel, where I've not been able to find the light yet.
• How do you think the future of HOTLINE will be like?
  We just keep on cracking most of the stuff that is released and also now and then a pre-release. And we continue our quest until the 64 software river dries up...

UP FROM THE FALKLANDS - NOSAH OF IGUANA INTERVIEWED

• You are pretty well known on the circuit now through your work on IGUANA, but how long have you been on the circuit?
  I bought my C64 in '83, and six repairs later I'm still here. I got onto the "Second User Network" almost immediately. Although in those days it was very small. Cracks were a lot different too. No intros at all. To find out who cracked the game you listed the prg and usually besides the SYS call was the cracker's name. That was it! Anyway I started trading a lot and eventually became one of the biggest swappers in UK, with about 50 contacts, and I used to pay a weekly visit to a local computershop and hand out freebies to all the lamers. Well in February 1988 STEVE of ZENITH asked me if I wanted to join the group because they wanted a good spreader, and I said yes. For a time things were good in ZENITH, but then they began to go sour, so I left. Within one day of leaving ZENITH, MR.SULU asked me if I wanted to join DCS, so I did.
• Do you regret your time with ZENITH?
  No way, they were a fucking good group. STEVE was so fast with the originals. Plus it was in ZENITH that I first suggested doing IGUANA, this was after seeing ILLEGAL. I thought that there was room for another magazine so I talked it over with the guys. At first they said no, because they thought I would be accused of copying ILLEGAL, which in reality is what we were doing, but eventually they said yes. XEN, VEN and myself became co-editors, and in August '88 IGUANA was born!!
• How difficult did you find it in setting up a magazine?
  Shit JEFF, you should know this one! It is just so fucking hard to begin with. You start with nothing and must produce an interesting mag. The main problem is getting people interested enough to start sending articles to you. This took a long time to happen. For instance I was begging for covers and a resident artist, I now have enough covers to last me months, and I have a resident artist, with further offers almost every week.
• Do you have any enemies?
  No, none. I hate the way that groups spend so much time and effort on warring... Pointless! STEVE of ZENITH seems to think I have something against him. This is coz of a few bits that have appeared in IGUANA, but they are just a bit of fun. No offence is ever meant by what appears in the mag.
• Finally, tell us a bit about yourself.
  OK, well I am soo old... 29! And I am married to the lovely Linda! I also have two children. I am a technician by trade. I love videos, can't get enough new films. My taste in music is a bit dated: Alan Parsons Project, Camel, Genesis etc... Absolutely NO ACID! Sportswise I am a bit of a fitness freak: I run marathons (Yeuch! -ed) and I also compete in triathlons (swimming, biking and running -ed). Swimming is also one of my favorites.
• OK, NOSAH boy, thanx for chattin'... Do you want to add anything before we finish?
  Yes, JEFF, I have a question for YOU: -"How the fuck do you make all those sound effects on your Radio Show?". I mean there is only so much you can subject your balls to. Do you put your balls in a mangle or what?!? Tell us! (huh? -ed)

PROGRAMMER INTERVIEWS

Interviews with one of these guys below appeared in several so-called pirate magazines, but here they both are: THE KATAKIS INVENTORSMANFRED TRENZ & ANDREAS ESCHER

• How did you get into the serious programming circuit?
  MT: I was contacted by Rainbow Arts after I took part in some graphic competition (64er). They offered me to work as a graphician, but I was also coding with ML a lot, so it didn't stay just with doing graphics.
  AE: I know Manfred for a very long time, and I always liked to draw graphics, so one day we got the idea of making a game together. At that time Manni was already working for Rainbow Arts, so I followed him in February '88 after I finished my apprenticeship as an office machines mechanic.
• How did you get the idea of doing KATAKIS then?
  MT: One saw the brilliant arcade games, one saw the bad computer games, one thought to change that!
  AE: It took us over six months to finish Katakis as a whole.
• How do you like working for Rainbow Arts?
  MT: The bad thing is that you are surrounded by a lot of stupid people...
  AE: And the motivation is equal to zero.
• But I guess you got quite a good payment for Katakis?
  AE: Nah, not really. Up to now it wasn't worth the work, but that is not due to the crackers.
• Do you know about the people who cracked Katakis, and how do you feel about that?
  AE: Yes, I remember seeing a BEASTIE BOYS crack of it. Well I'd like to meet the guys (but I don't tell you what I would do with them).
  MT: I remember three versions... I'll find THE BRAINS from Saarbrucken and destroy them. To BEASTIE BOYS: I don't have anything against seeing a game well cracked. And I remember some one sided TRIAD version that was very well done. They must have a good packer.
• What do you think about people cracking games in general?
  AE: I don't like it too much if they crack our own games (if the games are good), because we try to make the games as good as possible, so that the real customers are satisfied. And I think that is the least we have to do, because of the price and of the big advertisements.
• Do you have pirate software at home?
  MT: I sure have, but I also have Cop Shocker (as it should be).
  AE: Me too. And I also have Cop Shocker (cops: we have to stay outside)
• Let's start talking about yourselves. When were you born?
  MT: I was born on November 29th, '65
  AE: And I was born on January 23rd, '66 so now you can guess how old I am (if not: PRINT 89-66).
• What are your favorite...
  AE: Games: Dungeon Master (ST), Hawkeye (C), Katakis (A)
  Demos: All kinds of demos
  Movies: Aliens, Star Wars I
  Music: Magnum, a little bit Acid, Italo Disco, Gary Moore, Iron Maiden, well almost everything
  TV series: nothing except Alf
  Food: Dibbelabbes (huh? -ed)
  Place to live: Where there's sun and peace like Palm Springs
  Reading: American Penthouse
  MT: Games: No home-computer games. Good arcade blast'em-up games, Super Mario Bros 1+3 on Nintendo and Tetris (A)
  Demos: I collect every good demo, because a lot of them are mostly better than the games
  Music: Disco-power and Rock (eg. Magnum, Iron Maiden, Bonfire, Bon Jovi, Gary Moore...)
  Movies: Aliens, Delta Force, Most of the science fiction and action movies
  TV series: none at all
  Food: Chinese food
  Place to live: Palm Springs (well, I've already been there before)
• What do your future plans look like?
  MT: Well let it come, nobody knows... But actually you all can watch out for my new game that will be ready in approx. 6 months, called TURRICAN.
  AE: This is yet unknown. But I'll do some work under my handle MWN (MAN WITHOUT NAME).
• Do you like to blow off some greetings before we finish?
  AE: Sure! Here they are: Manni, Markus, Amrco, FAME, RWE, X-Ample, Chris, Ramico and everybody who knows me (especially the guys from Saarbrucken and Gudingen like Thomas, Nibbi and Nee).
  MT: OK, I'd like to greet: Andreas, Chris, Ramiro, Marion, Meerschweinchen, whole RADWAR, TRIAD, FAME, FACTOR 5 and all my friends in Saarbrucken and around. I have to send no damn greetz to all fuckin' lamers and ORA.

THE EVIL EDDIE PAGE!

Greetings loyal readers of ILLEGAL, welcome to my first masterpiece for this "The Pirate's Bible". As you are bound to notice there will be no order at all in my writings. In short, everything that comes to my evil, deranged mind will be jotted down on this piece of leather with my broadsword "Total Anarchy", so be prepared... You have been warned!

THE ENIGMA: I will not waste time and space by playing games with you concerning who I am. It's not your goddamn business. There's a big chance that you know, but I choose to write under my other personality, ie. EVIL EDDIE - The Duke of Hell". So to be brief, EVIL EDDIE really exists, if ya phone me, my secretary VAMPYRA will answer the phone saying -"EVIL EDDIE's Hellhouse... Fuck off and die..."

THE EVIL CHALLENGE - PREPARATION: Each time the ILLEGAL appears, the Evil Challenge will burn your soul. The Evil Challenge is a series of eight questions which the subject can answer only with YES or NO. Honesty is demanded, don't try to improve your ego by answering falsely. One question, and only ONE can be chosen NOT to be answered. Each month two guys will be given the Challenge. This month it's me and my editor JEFF SMART. If you want the Evil Challenge to come down on you the write me. Oh yes, that's right... You can't write me. Write to JEFF SMART under the following top secret (well, not anymore -ed) adress: "Evil Challenge", PLK XXXXXX X, XXXX XXXXXXX, West Germany.

THE EVIL CHALLENGE #1: EVIL EDDIE & JEFF SMART

• Would you swap your computer(s) for a beautiful girlfriend who let's you control her body every night?
  EE: Yes
  JS: Yes
• Do you sometimes feel that your computer years are wasted years?
  EE: No
  JS: Yes
• Do you sometimes feel sexually aroused by a porn show on your computer? (in other words: does Johnny come out to play?)
  EE: Yes
  JS: Yes
• Question to EE: Do you write under a pseudonym because you are a failed pirate (a lamer for life)?
  EE: Pass
• Question to JS: Do you feel like a Jinx (someone who brings bad luck) because all of the groups you joined have split up after a while? (BOJESOFT, GSS, TFD, TRIAD, SCG)
  JS: No
• Is it your opinion that most pirates look weird?
  EE: Yes
  JS: Yes
• Question to EE: Are your swapfriends only friends when you send them good stuff, otherwise they drop you?
  EE: No
• Question to JS: Have you ever cheated with the crackers or demo charts?
  JS: Pass
• Do you have a successful social life outside computers? (girlfriend, going out, sports...)
  EE: Yes
  JS: No
• Question to EE: When Delirius Mag stopped without warning beforehand, without even calling you, were you angry?
  EE: Yes
• Question to JS: Some people claim that you've become a bigheaded snob when "ILLEGAL" became the No.1 magazine around Issue #24. Is this true?
  JS: Yes

IKARI/ZARGON PARTY IN SLAGELSE, DENMARK!

COPYPARTIES ARE SIMPLY THE INTERNATIONAL GATHERINGS FOR THE CREWS TO GET TOGETHER! Aha! The first ultimate meeting of 1989 was supposed to take place at Slagelse, Denmark. Organized by IKARI and ZARGON... Well, again... ILLEGAL ON TOUR!

AVH/RADWAR whose car was the one taken (an old Ford Fiesta), CONAN and GENERAL ZOFF (former SF/MOVERS) plus myself made up the gang that took up the way to DK! After 8 hours car driving (AVH and me, ugh!) and 2 hours of ferry we reached it. Some big school, and it was a bit similar to the old VENLO place from the outside. Anyway, a very good place for a party, from the inside. IKARI had the elite position on a pit above the others. A lot of guys were sleeping in the basement (not really long after I arrived), others rested on the floors.

After I greeted my buddies from IKARI, FAIRLIGHT, COSMOS, RADWAR, 711, TRIANGLE, and after waking up X-RAY, I just walked around and god already pretty drunk after some cherry by CHRIS/X-RAY (ein Schweine Zeug!), that meant I needed some sleep whichh I didn'tt findd, well I don'tt reallyy know why bit I couldn't sleeeepp... The hours went past, and I got some stuff on the C64 (from IKARO, X-RAD and FOURLIGHT) and Amiga (TRILOGY etc).

My buddy STRIDER arrived! Yo that was the start of the drinking orgy!!! Well BLACK SHADOW joined our party and after STRIDER brought along some bottles of some STRONG TUBORG BEER, after CHRIS/X-RAY and me drank half of the whole bottle/s together, and after each of us bought 8 bottles of normal TUBORG (for 64 DKK - hoh!). I seemed to have a lack of memory...

Well, I try to tell you what I was told the other day... Humm... First I vomited on some sleeping bag (coincidentally one of X-RAY's), then I was spending three mysterious hours on the women's toilet (huh?) and then climbing into some sleepingbag in some quiet room... Well, the next day I had some bad headache (don't know why!?). I had also fun when JUST ICE and NIK left me standing in the rain (they ran - I could not!) when we were buying some food at a gas station. Shit!

However, I have to make IKARI and ZARGON a big compliment for the good organization of the party. That really made the shame of the last year (UPFRONT-DOMINATORS-DANISH GOLD-JEWELS "party") disappear in history. Yet the most difficult part had to come as I had to drive five (!) hours with the car. Darn, anyway I'm still living... Alive and drinking! /JS

PARTYREPORT FROM IKARI/ZARGON IN DENMARK!

Thursday, March 23rd, we from X-RAY came together to set off to SLAGELSE, a rather small town about 100 km away from Copenhagen. The train-ride will surely stay on our minds forever: the train was very clean and new - except for our compartment (after the ride - of course). We had a waterproof text-marker which was used to mark on all the pillows lying around in our compartment and of course we changed the compartment after a while.. hehe.. We broke off the ashtrays and some curtains. We were in the mood for funny action - one of our members was taken up, his shoe laces were bound together, and he was hung over the light switch which was over the door!

That was real fun, 'cuz it took him quite a while to get down. We arrived at Slagelse finally, and it was pretty funny 'cuz we were carrying 10 bags with us (computers, TV sets, disk drives...) and it looked as if we're carrying things for 10 guys, but we were only four!

The first guys we met were the guys from DOMINATORS (they hate us!) who showed us some real strange way to the place. ("DOM X X-RAY off road racing" - hehe) When we came to the party place we saw guys like JUST ICE + NIK of IKARI (two very cool dudes), the Danish house of IKARI, CHANNEL 42, ONLINE, COSMOS (hey ANTITRACK - COOL SHOES!), TRIANGLE (tall guy, Stretch - huh!), and a lot of other friends. We found some space where we could put our computers on (the room was already overcrowded), but they didn't work...

Bad luck - as we usually wanted to do a part for the demo compo - which was the best I've ever seen (the IKARI and CHANNEL 42 contributions were the best, and UPFRONT didn't finish their part). After spreading our party stuff, we finally fell asleep at 3 o'clock in the morning in the basement (cold as hell!). In the morning we were woken up by some dickhead, err... JEFF SMART shouting around that the police was there! He was only jokin' of course, but a lot of cool guys also arrived, eg. "THE LIVING LEGEND" of FAIRLIGHT and TRANSCOMMUNISTS...

Then the best part of the party came, when JEFFUS and me started to drink my self-burned liquid (78%), and JEFFUS puked directly on one of our member's sleeping bag (good shot!). Then he was puking THREE TIMES IN A ROW (!) in the women's toilet (huh? -eh). We thought he had been flushed down.

After he slept we had some conferences, and some guy from STARION was taken by the doctor (meningitis!). Some hours later, after getting some sleep, we left the place around five (on Saturday), and travelled through the city up to 11 when the train took us home (it took me over 30 hours to get back to Austria!).

Anyway, thanx for a great party ZARGON + IKARI (NIK, MR.GL61000? hah!)! I just want to send some hellos to: NIK, JUST ICE, EXCELL & FLETCH of IKARI, ELITE (NIC!), 711 (WALTER) - "Puke Champ" SMART and Wiederschwein (pornstar) - ROOZE - JCH and SCORPIO of C42 - FALCO/20CC and HARVELL. /THE FLEET of X-RAY

ALL STAR PUKE CHAMPS!

1. JEFF SMART (March 23rd '89; Denmark IK/ZG party)
2. TRI-DOS (December 17th '88; Germany RWE party II)

BITE INTO THE CE-BIT!

The CE-BIT '89 was thoguht to be the equivalent of the PCS. Well, it was sure NOT! You can't compare it really, as most companies concentrate on professional and business software as opposed to entertainment. So aside from the Commodore stand there was nothing worth to be visited. The price for entrance was a total rip-off (about 15 DM=5 GBP!). So there was hardly to expect any new stuff, except new technologies or hardware products by several companies. Argh! /JS

Hum, the CE-BIT '89 was pretty funny, but unfortunately there was nothing new except for some lame previews from Reline (ReLAME). Quite a few known groups were present though, some of which were: QUARTEX, VISION FACTORY, QUADLITE, BENCOR BROTHERS (BLUEBEARD), RADWAR, 711, ELITE (SASCHA), WOL (OLIVER), Mario/BWB, THE RED SECTOR CREW (MR.CURSOR, IRATA, SPIKE, MR.PRESIDENT, MR.ZEROPAGE, DAG), STARBYTE SOFT, GARFIELD, BROS, TRAITORS, DOMINATORS, FLASH (!), ANTITRAX, BLACK MONKS, SPREADPOINT, ECA, KNIGHTHAWKS, TRISTAR, HQC... And that was it already about the CE-BIT '89... /IRATA of RED SECTOR (no risk - no fun!)

UBI-SOFT DEMO COMPO

For this special ILLEGAL edition, we have made a competition! All you have to do to take part in our compo is to make a demo with the UBI-Soft logo, suitable to be shown in a shop window, and send it to me.

The first TEN will receive prizes (software from UBI-Soft), and the winner will be offered to work for UBI-Soft. You may also apply if you think yourself to be a talented and dedicated programmer, musician, painter or designer (preferably with some examples of your work). UBI-Soft is active on almost all systems (Amstrad, CPC, Amiga, C64, Atari ST and PC).

Well, I'm waiting for your entries! /Leo Hendrik Greve Jr., Representative of UBI-Soft, XXXXXXX XXXXXXX, XXXXX XXXXXX, XXXXXXXX XXXX, XXX XXX London, England

THE STORY OF SYSTEM FOUR

Aha, the bell rings. I decide to get up and see who is aiming at my nerves... Well it's just some postman bringing me an invitation to some major meeting in some country abroad. Phew, I thought I should be going there, talking to the other "A"-divisioneers about how to get this darned "critical" situation as the darned red button is still blinking, and I feel worse with every blink. Geez I can't remember so much from that major meeting as there was too many Tuborg around.. Hum, I was shocked anyway, many boys (including "A"-divisioneers), seem to settle over to the 16th system. I admit it's attracting me too, but I think I'm strong enough to resist (at this point).

However, the three weeks of silence are followed by two weeks of heaven! Two out of 52, not bad I think. Seems as if I discovered a new secret for myself. Huh, something like: "I can't help the way I am!". Sounds very good to me, and GAWD, it actually helps me to get away from that... That... Ahh, forget it! (You see I got away!)

There is something else around that has to be discovered , I think, and I put on my sunglasses, and walk along the street (though it's raining as usual). The good old beer doesn't taste like good beer old beer anymore. I don't know why, but perhaps it's because I'm growing up. I take some view back. I often wonder WHERE HAVE THEY BEEN? I often want to leave, but then again I'm proud of myself for getting over this long time so well. Well, its getting worse every day. Back to S4, similarities are obvious. However, I found out that not everybody is telling me truth, hum, I try to make them believe they fooled me, bug HAH! I know better!

Try to find the clue - try to find the way to get out of here! WOW, those unknown pleasures challenge me again after quite a good time. Dead people tell me they are not dead, and that makes me feel slightly better. But still... I¿m waiting for the big wonder, and someting tells me that if it doesn't happen in the next two weeks, it will never happen!

So check it out pals! Ambitions are low, too. But do you think I give up?? NOPE! Well, not yet, I think. Taking some good KROMBACHER bottle, putting on some good JOY DIVISION record, I finally develop the new emergency plan. That red blinking went on my nerves too long now, now it's up to me, if I don't take the initiative now, it could be well too late, yeah probably!

Okey, let's see how to arrange it to work perfectly, if there wasn't that S4 thing I'd surely have quit some time ago, but as it's here I feel okey. Wondering what will come next. Just like the OCEAN of the sea, just like the blood that runs in me. Someone's knockin' at my door! Is IAN coming to take me? NOPE, but four men in white coats ignore my "GENIUS AT WORK" sign on the door and come in. Shit... They take their guns... To be continued... /JS

JEFF SMART KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT!?

Aha, I thought you would read this one - at least I know how to arouse your interest, eh? OK, this is just to give you a short survey of how long to wait for your orders...

• The latest ILLEGAL: 2-4 days
• Jeff Smart Radio Show #1 (yes, #2 is in progress): 5-7 days
• Old back issues (#24 and forward): 10-14 days

TALES FROM A COMPUTERSHOP

Hi lads, my name is MURDOCK and I've been working for a very long time at a local computer shop. I use to repair broken computers, monitors or diskdrives, and also people consult me when they have trouble with their computers. Here I present some of the funniest stories (that of course really took place and are not invented!);

TAPEDOWN: Some 14 year old boy entered the computer shop and told me that his tape recorder was broken, because he was not loading anything from the tape. Naturally, he didn't bring along his tape recorder, so I told him bring it.

A few hours later he returned with the tape recorder, and after a short check I found out that the tape recorder was okey. Then I told him that this must be up to the computer then, and for him to bring his computer in.

On the next day he brought his computer (C64) along, and you won't believe what I saw when I switched it on! There was SpeedDos installed! Oh god, the boy didn't want to believe me that Speed-Dos has no tape functions. Well after all I couldn't demand any money, so shit for me!

OILY DRIVE: Some other boy once showed up with his disk drive and he said something like -"Ugh, Mister, I don't know if you could help me but... ah.. my drive made some strange noises during loading some disks, so I thought that was because it needed some oil..."

I opened the drive - and Jesus Christ! Try to picture it! There was nothing but oil to be seen inside the drive!! The boy asked -"Ah.. What do you think? Can you repair it?"

Well, I told him he could to flush it down the toilet. I also asked him to bring the disks which he had some problems with, as I had some certain assumption... Well, it was the way I thought , the disks were original games and the roaring from inside was then of course the checking of the copy protection. Aargh!

BROKEN ORIGINAL: First I have to add that the shop is also selling originals, so it happened that some kid wanted to get the money back for some "shit game that isn't working". Huh, I thought. Well I had to check it I told him, and I tried to load it.

Not only that the disk wasn't looking like an original disk, there was nothing on it. I asked him if it could be that he kept the original at home, and before I got an answer I saw him running out of the shop... L8R! /MURDOCK

FINALLY NEW TITS !"/"# err... TITLES COMING SOON!

Aha, here is a short list about some titles announced (A=Amiga, C=C64) from;

Palace Software: Cosmic Pirates (A+C), Astounding Astral Adventures (A), Superth (A), Monster Museum - Electronic Arts: Populus (A) - US Gold bought the license for a game about the Michael Jackson movie Moonwalker - Ocean: Orion's Belt (A) - Software Horizons: Dragon Scape (A) - Firebird: Tyger Tyger (C), 3D Pool (C), Bubble Bobble II (A+C), Infogrames: Hostages (C) - Linel: The Champ (A) - UBI-Soft: Iron Lord, Final Command, Bat, Skateball, Puffy's Saga, Night Hunter - Microprose: Xenophobe (C), Spiderman (C), Doctor Doom (C), The X-Men (C) - CRL: Transputor, Purple Heard - Gremlin Graphics: The Muncher (C) /JS

PARTY TIME!

CRAZY/STM PARTY on August 4-6 1989 in Le Locle, Switzerland for C64 + Amiga! For information write to: STM, P.O. Box XX, CH - XXXX Belfaux, or: CRAZY, P.O. Box XX, CH - XXXX Cernier, both in Switzerland.

EQUITANA - HORSE SHOW FUN!

The "Equitana" taking place in Essen, Germany is some big horse show. Present was also the CP publication, and they had some computer horse game where you have to mount some big plastic horse and ride over some course, jumping over obstacles etc. The only problem was that the program (C64) wasn't working. T'KAY (ex-TRIAD+SCG) got a phonecall, asking if he could repair the game. Amazingly the programmer got about 4000 DM for just ripping off all the routines from the old Epyx - Summer Games II riding event. The coder had made some silly mistakes, so it took T'KAY a while to get it working. WOW!

VIDEO REVIEWS

Well, it's that time of the month again with some quite good video reviews for you to read. This month we'll have a look at DIE HARD with Bruce Willis and INDIANA JONES AND THE HOLY GRAIL starring Harrison Ford.

• DIE HARD: When a group of armed robbers capture a tower block with the intention of stealing 500 million dollars, they hold everyone hostage, except one! Bruce Willis plays the cop they didn't catch, and then continues to fight a one man war against the robbers. Rating: Quite Good! 75%
• INDIANA JONES AND THE HOLY GRAIL: This, the third and final chapter of the Indiana Jones saga sees Indy searching for the Holy Grail that contains the blood of Jesus Christ. The original plot was for Indy to go in search of Atlantis, but this was changed to the Holy Grail. This is the best film of 1989 so far, and the special effects at the end of the film are some of the best ever made! Rating: Fucking Brilliant! 97%

BREAKOUT VIDEO CHARTS

1. RED HEAT
2. INDIANA JONES III
3. COLORS
4. RUNNING MAN
5. TWINS
6. DIE HARD
7. ARTHUR 2
8. COCKTAIL
9. A FISH CALLED WANDA
10. SHORT CIRCUIT 2

C64 GAME REVIEWS (MOSTLY GARBAGE THIS TIME)

• RUN THE GAUNTLET was one of the very few games that could be at least played for a few minutes, though the water sequence is crap. 69pts.
• Fighting against dull animated aliens offers TARGET RENEGADE III. Hope they won't do a fourth one! 61pts.
• NAVY MOVES can't reach it's predecessor Army Moves naturally. Some 64pts.
• Though it reminds me of Bionic Commando this CRAZY COMBAT is not the worst one to play. Some nice action. 71pts.
• THE DEEP is deep crap on the C64, while you can have a good time on the Amiga with the same game. Bad graphics and even worse sprites. God, we aren't in 1983 anymore! 12pts.
• THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS could have stayed at home. The game comes from DATA EAST (that says all), and is more a bad Alien Syndrome clone. 19pts.

AMIGA GAME REVIEWS

• TIGER ROAD is not as bad I thought it would be. Better said it's pretty well done. The gameplay is good! 78pts.
• After SUPER HANG-ON one could expect SPACE HARRIER to be of some quality, but it's somewhat weaker though it's very nicely converted. Faaast! 83pts.
• Hum, I've heard about AFTERBURNER before, wasn't it some ace arcade game? Anyway you can't really convert it to any computer I'm afraid... 59pts.
• BAAL is some new Psygnosis game, and it's like the others. Full of brilliant graphics and animation, but the gameplay is pretty senseless. 71pts.
• Known under the name BOB MORAN, this OPERATION NEPTUNE made it's way round on the C64. Well it's a lot better on the Amiga, but still very difficult. 69pts.
• BLASTEROIDS can be seen as Asteroids II and it's not the worst one! The only point I have to mention that the game is so easy I finished the whole game with my first attempt. 75pts.
• BALLISTIX is a fine combination of pool-billiard, Speedball and Soccer with about 80 different levels and computer opponents. Excellent graphics and good sound effects are a real thriller! 87pts.
• An amazingly close conversion of the arcade thriller R-TYPE is now available on Amiga. Almost as good as on PC Engine! Apart from little programming bugs (due to the crack!?) Brilliant! 93pts.
• THE DEEP is a fine sink'em game. i.e. you have to destroy submarines and other creatures moving in the water by releasing pods from your ship on the surface. Very nice. 87pts.
• You have to have four empty disks and some time if you want to enjoy THE KRISTAL which seems to be a poor rip-off of the old Maniac Mansion idea. Well, anyway it's pretty complex and it features a lot of great graphics. 86pts.
• GRAND MONSTER SLAM is one of the funniest games ever to be seen! You have to kick little round monsters (Beloms) over to the opposite side while your opponent is trying to do the same to you, and the one who has no Beloms left on his side is the winner. Subdivided into three leagues the game offers not only great gameplay, but also good fun (Duck Kicking) and brilliant graphics! FUCKING ACE! 95pts.

TOP BRILLBOARD AND YELL-UP TOP 15 CHARTS

1. JEFF SMART in the women's toilet: -"Leave me alone!"
2. NOSAH of IGUANA: -"Sailing!"
3. STEVE of ZENITH: -"I'm so beautiful..."
4. The IKARI crew: -"Too many broken games!"
5. THE FLEET of X-RAY: -"Welcome to the Drinkers' Dome!"
6. MWS of RADWAR: -"Bed!"
7. ORACLE: -"Something's gotten hold on our boards!"
8. Some HOT girls: -"We'd rather JEFF!"
9. TRI-DOS: -"Domino Puking..."
10. STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT: -"I wanna be your drill instructor!"
11. Gⁿnni von Grafenreuth: -"Help!!!"
12. BLACK MONKS: -"We call it Amiiiga!"
13. PHREAKERS INTL: -"American Telephone & Telegraph Road."
14. MANIACS OF NOISE: -"Hey music lovers!"
15. WEETIBIX of SCG: -"Come back and stay!"

SOME CONTENTS MISSING?

I'm sorry for cancelling the announced interview with a Hawkeye (BOYS WITHOUT BRAINS), and the DR.MILLER section, but they will surely appear in the next issue as I just forgot that I already had this interview and there won't be two of this kind. DR.MILLER appears only every 2nd issue. /JS

CHARTS - APRIL 1989

C64 GAMES		C64 CRACKERS
1. MICROPROSE SOCCER (1) 2. PROJECT FIRESTART (5) 3. F-16 TOMCAT (2) 4. RUN THE GAUNTLET (-) 5. TARGET RENEGADE III (-) 6. NAVY MOVES (-) 7. KATAKIS (6) 8. FISH (3) 9. CRAZY COMBAT (-) 10. FIST+ (8)		1. IKARI (2) 2. FAIRLIGHT (6) 3. X-RAY (5) 4. ELITE (1) 5. 711 (-) 6. DOUGHNUT CRACKING SERVICE(3) 7. HOTLINE (9) 8. A TOUCH OF CLASS (4) 9. COSMOS (7) 10. NATO (-)
AMIGA GAMES		AMIGA CRACKERS
1. GRAND MONSTER SLAM (-) 2. SUPER HANG-ON (1) 3. THE KRISTAL (-) 4. R-TYPE (-) 5. BALLISTIX (-) 6. INTERNATIONAL KARATE+ (2) 7. ELITE (4) 8. SPACE HARRIER (-) 9. DRAGON'S LAIR (5) 10. TIGER ROAD (-)		1. QUARTEX (2) 2. BLACK MONKS (-) 3. WORLD OF WONDERS (4) 4. VISION FACTORY/BEYONDERS (1) 5. ORACLE (3) 6. DEFJAM/SPREADPOINT (7) 7. THE BAND (6) 8. BENCOR BROTHERS (8) 9. FAIRLIGHT/NORTHSTAR (10) 10. RED SECTOR (7)

Chart comments: Well we decided to call the ILLEGAL chart list from now on: the BREAKOUT charts! Anyway, IKARI climbed the elite position again while FAIRLIGHT and X-RAY made a good jump up! 711 with a remarkable entry, as well as NATO do appear for the first time in the charts. ELITE, DCS and ATC seem to have fallen asleep this month.

The ultimate new entry in the BREAKOUT Amiga charts was done by new stars BLACK MONKS, just beaten by QUARTEX taking over the top for the first time. RED SECTOR and DEFJAM split up, so there are two 7th places from the last month. VF/TB had to take a drop, so had ORACLE, ESI (out) and THE BAND. /JS