ftp.barnyard.co.uk/2015.02.ftp.barnyard.co.uk.tar/ftp.barnyard.co.uk/cpm/walnut-creek-CDROM/SIMTEL/CPMUG/CPMUG020.ARK/ZOSO.20

Text File | 1984-04-29 | 12KB | 190 lines

            ZOSO'S HEROIC RETURN


WELL IT APPEARS THAT 1978 WILL INDEED BE A BETTER YEAR (BASED ON THE PROGRAMS
COMING IN SO FAR). AFTER THE POLICE CAME ON NEW YEAR'S EVE AND TOOK MY UNDER-
AGED HAREM BACK TO THEIR RESPECTIVE FAMILIES, I HAD SOME SERIOUS DOUBTS AS TO
WHETHER I'D BE ABLE TO GET THIS COLUMN OUT ON TIME. HOWEVER THAT'S ANOTHER
STORY, AND FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT; SO I'LL DISPENSE WITH THE NEWSY STUFF
AND PROCEED WITH BUSINESS. THESE PROGRAMS ALL COMPILED AND RAN PROPERLY (VER-
SION K2.0 PKG.), WITH THE EXCEPTION OF 'STMASTER.BAS' WHICH MAY NONETHELESS BE
BEST ITEM OF THE LOT; (WHEN SOMEBODY TAKES THE NOT INCONSIDERABLE TIME TO FIX
IT UP).

WITHOUT FURTHER CEREMONY, HERE ARE THE BASIC-E GAMES FOR THIS RELEASE (AND OF
COURSE MY INSIGHTFUL AND ERUDITE COMMENTARY).

STMASTER.BAS
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE A WINNER ! I REFER YOU TO THE CONTRIBUTORS REMARKS
IN-RE THIS PROGRAM (STMASTER.DOC). NOTE THE SIZE OF THIS FILE !!! DO NOT EVEN
BOTHER TO TRY, UNLESS YOU ARE RUNNING WITH 64K (AND OF COURSE A 64K SYSTEM).
WOULD THE 'DIGITAL-RESEARCHERS' EXPLAIN JUST WHY THE ATTEMPT TO CREATE A 64K
SYSTEM RESULTS IN A MESSAGE INDICATING THAT 'RELOC' HAS CREATED AN I6K (THAT'S
RIGHT, I6 NOT 16K) CP/M ? TO ADD TO WHAT MR. PIERCE SAYS, ONE CAN ALSO COMPILE
THIS WITH VER. K2.0 OF BASIC-E. WHEN I TRIED TO RUN IT, I GOT SEVERAL LINES
OF STARTREK, THREE OVERFLOW WARNINGS (WRITTEN FOR BIGGER MACHINES I'D BET) AND
AN ABRUPT RETURN TO CP/M. THIS MAY HAVE BEEN DUE TO THE 'STOP' STATEMENTS WHICH
APPEAR IN SEVERAL PLACES IN THIS FILE. BY THE WAY, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DOES ONE
USE THE 'STOP' FUNCTION FOR IN BASIC-E ANYWAY ? ONE ACHIEVES ALMOST THE SAME
EFFECT BY HITTING RESET DURING SOME DRUNKEN STUPOR. ODDLY, WHEREAS, THIS COM-
PILED WITHOUT ERROR IN BASIC-E, AN ATTEMPT TO COMPILE IN C-BASIC RESULTED IN
AN 'UNMATCHED FOR STATEMENT'. TO THE GOOD SOUL OUT THERE WHO WILL TAKE THE TIME
TO MAKE THIS RUN RIGHT, DISABUSE YOURSELF OF ANY IDEAS YOU MAY HAVE OF TRYING
TO GET THIS UP IN EITHER C-BASIC OR MICROSOFT DISK-BASIC; 64K JUST AIN'T ENOUGH
MEMORY. WHOEVER GETS THIS RUNNING WILL EARN MY SINCEREST THANKS AS IT LOOKS
LIKE IT WOULD REALLY BE GREAT FUN.

STRTRK/1.BAS
ONE OF THE MORE ENTHUSIASTIC REVIEWS OF WHICH I HAVE FOUND MYSELF CAPABLE IN
RECENT MEMORY WAS UTTERED ON BEHALF OF A STARTREK PROGRAM. THE ONE TO WHICH
I SPECIFICALLY REFER WAS CALLED 'STARTREK.BAS', AND WAS FIRST RELEASED AS ITEM
NUMBER: 3.34 OF VOLUME 3. I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF RENAMING THIS SUPER !!!
UPGRADE TO AVOID CONFUSION. THE GENTLEMAN WHO SUBMITTED THIS INCLUDED A BRIEF
ENTREATY TO MY MORE CHARITABLE INSTINCTS... NOT NECESSARY, J.P.; THIS AND THE
OTHER THINGS YOU SENT HELP RESTORE MY FAITH IN THE 'CALIFORNIA REPUBLIC', AND
MORE IMPORTANTLY, FAITH THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL SHARE 'A-1' PROGRAMS WITH US.
OTHERS WHO HAVE SUBMITTED GARBAGE HAVE INVITED SOME OF MY CHEAPEST SHOTS AND
SOME OF MY MOST HEARTFELT VITRIOL. EVEN IN MY GLOOMIEST MOMENT, I WOULD NEVER
SAY ANYTHING UNFLATTERING ABOUT A MASTERPIECE SUCH AS THIS (I MEAN IT !!)
ONE GRIPE INVOLVES THE [ADVERTISING] 'SLOW-GUNS' WHICH WERE FILCHED FROM AN
OTHERWISE WASTED PROGRAM, SUPTREK3.ASC, (NUMBER 5.24 - VOLUME 5). MY ADVICE IS
TO ISOLATE THE THREE OFFENDING SUBROUTINES, AND REPLACE EACH WITH A SIMPLE
'RETURN'; THE REMAINING PROGRAM WILL BE A DELIGHT !!!!!!! BY THE WAY, THE
ORIGINAL FROM WHICH THIS UPGRADE HAS BEEN CREATED HAS BEEN INCLUDED ON THIS
DISK (STARTREK.BAS).

GUNNER.BAS
THIS REHASH OF 'CANNONS.BAS' (VOLUME 3.9) LENDS NEW MEANING TO THE CONCEPT
OF BATTLE-FATIGUE. THE MAJOR WORKOUT WHICH I HAVE GIVEN THIS PROGRAM WAS
TO ALLOW A FRIEND'S NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO PLAY IT. I FIGURED THIS ONE
WOULD BE EASY ENOUGH FOR HER TO PLAY, A PACIFIER IF YOU WILL. IN ABOUT FIVE
MINUTES THIS NORMALLY WELL-MANNERED LITTLE GIRL ANNOUNCED, "'UNCLE ZOSO',
THIS IS REALLY BOOOOORING". THE KID WAS RIGHT !!! ALSO THIS SHOPWORN ITEM
HAS AN EXPENDED ROUNDS COUNTER (NECESSARY BECAUSE THE OBJECT IS TO 'DEMO'
THE TARGET IN 5 SHOTS OR LESS). PERHAPS PROGRAMMING SUCH AS THIS EXPLAINS
THE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF ORDNANCE WHICH TURNS UP MISSING EVERY TIME
WE HAVE A WAR.

LUNAR1.BAS
UNTIL NOW MIXED REVIEWS HAVE GREETED AN ASSORTMENT OF FORGETTABLE PROGRAMS
WHICH (WITH VARIOUS VERSION NUMBERS) WERE CALLED, 'LEM', 'ROCKET', 'LUNAR' AND
'LANDER'. THE OBJECT OF THE ABOVE-MENTIONED WAS TO MAKE A SOFT LANDING ON THE
MOON WITH A FINITE FUEL SUPPLY. THIS PROGRAM IS (FORGIVE ME) LIGHT-YEARS BETTER
THAN ANY OF THOSE !!! HERE THE OBJECTIVE IS TO MAKE A SMOOTH LANDING, WITH THE
SAME LIMITED FUEL - BUT ALSO TO LAND ON A TARGET (ON MOON'S SURFACE) WHICH IS
NOT INITIALLY IN A FALL-LINE WITH YOUR 'LUNAR-LANDER'. THE MOON'S ROTATION ON
ITS AXIS WILL BRING THE 'LANDING-AREA' WITHIN RANGE FOR ONLY A FEW MOMENTS.
IF I MIGHT REVERT TO THE COP-OUT OF ANALOGY, THIS IS TO ITS PREDECESSORS AS THE
QE2 (A BRITISH VESSEL [ROYAL MAIL SHIP]) IS TO THE PEQUOD (WHERE AHAB LET HIS
EGO RUN AMOK). THERE ARE SUPERB SURPRISES HERE... PLAY IT !!! I'LL GIVE IT AN
'A-', AND IT MISSES 'A+' ONLY BECAUSE A BOGUS TIMING ROUTINE IS INCLUDED, WHICH
WOULD BE FAR MORE IMPRESSIVE IN 'REAL-TIME'.

BLACKJAC.BAS
TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, I LIKE THIS RENDITION OF '21'. WERE IT NOT FOR MY
HAVING COMMITTED SO MUCH TIME TO THIS TEDIOUS COLUMN, I JUST MIGHT HAVE DONE
SOME WORK ON THIS FILE. THE GAME WORKS WELL, BUT COULD USE A TOUCH-UP ON ITS
FORMATTING. I COULD PERSONALLY DO WITHOUT THE SNOTTY MESSAGES THAT GREET THE
CONCLUSION OF EVERY HAND; AND, AT LEAST WITH MY OWN COPY, REST ASSURED THAT
THEY WILL BE SWIFTLY EXCISED... A SUSPICIOUS THING: ONE ALLEGEDLY CAN EFFECT
A 'SHUFFLE' BY ENTERING '7777'; EITHER A PHONY ROUTINE OR THE FASTEST SHUFFLE
(BY FAR) YET IMPLEMENTED ON ANY EIGHT-BIT MACHINE. I POSSESS ONE SUCH ROUTINE
IN 8080 ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE (WHICH I THOUGHT QUITE FAST). COMPARED TO THE 'SHUF-
FLE' IN THIS PROGRAM, THE ASSEMBLER VERSION REMINDS ME OF AN AGING TURTLE
SLOGGING THROUGH A PUDDLE OF QUICK-DRY EPOXY.

GOLF.BAS
GOOD PROGRAM; LOTS OF RULES, OPTIONS ETC. I LIKE THE IDEA HERE, BUT ISN'T
GOLF SOMEWHAT DULL WITH [ONLY] TEXTUAL REPRESENTATION; EVER WONDER WHY LIVE
MATCHES ARE NOT AIRED ON RADIO ? WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE GET THIS ONE UP ON A TEK-
TRONIX STORAGE SCOPE AND THEN SEND ME THE REVISED PROGRAM (AND THE SCOPE OF
COURSE) SO I CAN RUN IT. I PROMISE TO RETURN THE SCOPE (CROSS MY HEART)! WOULD
ZOSO LIE ?

FOOTBALL.BAS
THIS SIMULATES GUESS WHAT. IT DOES SO RATHER NICELY, AND UNLIKE 'NFL.BAS'
(VOLUME 13.14) IT WORKS. THERE ARE COMPREHENSIVE RULES AND MANY STRATEGY
OPTIONS. I DO HOWEVER LAMENT THE PASSING OF THE HALF-TIME SHOW WHICH WAS
THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED CATASTROPHE. PERSONALLY, I AM JUST
A BIT DOWN ON FOOTBALL IN GENERAL. MAYBE I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT HAVING
LOST MOST OF MY CONSIDERABLE WEALTH ON A PRE-SEASON BET IN WHICH I PICKED
THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS TO WIN SUPER BOWL XII.

POKER.BAS
USUALLY WHEN I REVIEW THIS STUFF I GET A FAIRLY RELIABLE PSYCHIC PICTURE OF
THE TALENT RESPONSIBLE FOR A PARTICULAR IDEA, AND ITS EXECUTION. I MUST ADMIT
THAT THIS ONE HAS ME STUMPED. THIS IS '5-CARD DRAW POKER'; AND THIS HERCULEAN
(SERIOUSLY) UNDERTAKING IS CARRIED OFF REALLY WELL. [ DRAW YOUR CARDS ONE AT A
TIME ( EACH A SEPARATE INPUT, SEPARATED BY A <CR> ) ]. THIS PROGRAM HAS A GROSS
FLAW... A HAND IS CONSIDERED 'TIED' IF ITS 'RANKING' EQUALS THAT OF THE OTHER
HAND. FOR EXAMPLE YOU HAVE A PAIR OF KINGS AND THE COMPUTER HAS A PAIR OF TENS,
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A TIE !!!   TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, TO BEAT A SIX-HIGH, YOU
WOULD NEED AT LEAST A PAIR OF DEUCES. THE SCREEN FORMATTING OF THIS GAME IS
GOD-AWFUL AND THERE ARE AT LEAST A DOZEN THINGS WELL WORTH CHANGING... TOUGH-
DARTS !!!  TAKE A LOOK AT THE CODING; IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THIS
FOR THE BETTER [EASILY], THEN I JUST MAY DROP IN UNINVITED, WITH HOPES OF
SELLING YOU SUBMERGED LAND BY THE FLORIDA COAST. IS THIS A WINNER, OR MERELY
AN OBSCURE IMPLEMENTATION BY AN EXPERT (ONCE AGAIN, NO JOKE) PROGRAMMER ? TO
BE HONEST, I DON'T HAVE THE FOGGIEST. I GUESS I'M PUT OFF BECAUSE I WAS NOT
ABLE TO REVISE THIS TO MY LIKING IN 'NO-TIME-FLAT', AS IS MOST OFTEN THE
CASE. REGARDLESS OF WHAT I SAY, EXAMINE THE SOURCE OF THIS ONE; I WELCOME THE
IMPROVEMENTS THAT MAY ARRIVE FROM THOSE WITH THE PATIENCE TO UNRAVEL THE SIN-
GULAR (AND BARELY COMPREHENSIBLE) APPROACH THAT TYPIFIES THIS ITEM.

*.PIC
THIS IS A GENERAL REVIEW OF SEVERAL ROUTINES ON THIS DISKETTE WHICH HAVE THE
FILETYPE '.PIC': THESE ARE THE ONES WHICH PRINT THOSE LOVELY AND TASTEFUL
PICTURES ON A HARDCOPY DEVICE (N.B. MUST BE AT LEAST 80 CHARS. WIDE). HONESTLY,
MY 'PIED-A-TERRE' (FOR YOU SPECIALISTS - THAT'S FRENCH FOR 'FLAT', WHICH IS,
IN TURN, ENGLISH FOR 'RESIDENCE') IS DECORATED WITH THE WORKS OF STRUGGLING
ARTISTS. I AM SO FOND OF MY MONETS, DALIS, MONDRIANS, POLLACKS, PICASSOS,
DA VINCIS, CEZANNES ETC. THAT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE WALLSPACE WITH
WHICH TO DO JUSTICE TO THESE CONTEMPORARY ('.PIC') MASTERPIECES. SECRETLY, I
WISH THAT 'SNOOPY.PIC' WOULD SUCCUMB TO DISTEMPER. HOWEVER, DO NOT LET MY
TASTES SPOIL YOUR APPRECIATION OF THE FINER THINGS... I HAVE READ SOME OF YOUR
FAN-MAIL, AND IT IS APPARENT THAT SOME OF YOU ARE BLESSED WITH 'BINARY-SEX-
HABITS' (DON'T ACT SURPRISED !!); YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND HAVE I GOT A TREAT
IN STORE FOR YOU... DIM YOUR ROOM LIGHTS, ADJUST YOUR CRT FOR 300 BAUD, MAKE
SURE YOU ARE ALL ALONE, AND THAT YOU HAVE PLENTY OF KLEENEX. THEN STEP BACK
ABOUT 10 FEET, GET REAL COMFY AND RUN 'PINUP1.PIC'... ENOUGH SAID...

CIVILW.BAS
IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE A CONFEDERATE GENERAL MORE THAN A CENTURY AGO; THE DECK
IS STACKED AGAINST YOU !! THE WEATHER IS INHOSPITABLE; YOU ARE OUTMANNED, OUT-
GUNNED, RUNNING SHORT OF FOOD, AMMUNITION, MONEY AND SOLDIERS. SOME GREASY
BARBER WITH TOBACCO JUICE ALL OVER HIS FACE AND SHIRT HAS JUST HAD TO AMPUTATE
YOUR GANGRENOUS LEG, AND IT'LL BE A WHILE BEFORE YOU'LL AGAIN BE IN THE MOOD TO
RAPE ANY MORE YANKEE WOMEN. THIS GAME BYPASSES ALL SUCH NICETIES AND FUN. IT
DOES HOWEVER CRASH ON OCCASION (UNWRITTEN ERROR TRAPS), AND IT PRODUCES A LOT
OF MEANINGLESS BATTLE-REPORTS. EVERY BATTLE OF THE CIVIL WAR WHICH I REMEMBER
FROM AMERICAN HISTORY (AND QUITE A FEW I DON'T RECALL) CROPS UP DURING THIS
PSEUDO-HISTORICAL BRAIN-DULLER. EACH BATTLE IS SO BRIEF, AND SO LIKE EACH
OF THE OTHER BATTLES THAT THE NET EFFECT IS NOT UNLIKE READING MAJOR (DID I
REALLY SAY MAJOR ?) LEAGUE BOX-SCORES. YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF
IN THE SHOES (OR PERHAPS SHOE) OF THAT REAL CONFEDERATE GENERAL. JUST REMIND
YOURSELF THAT THIS IS 1978, AND INSTRUCT YOUR COMPUTER TO IGNORE THIS PROGRAM.





                POSTSCRIPT
                ----------

IN MY LAST COLUMN, I THREATENED TO REVEAL THE ZIP-CODE(S) OF PEOPLE WHO WERE
SELLING 'INT' FILES TO THE UNWARY. AT THAT TIME I SUGGESTED THAT SUCH SUB-
ETHICAL PRACTISES SHOULD BE RECTIFIED WITHIN 60 DAYS...(OR ELSE !!!). IT HAS
BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE COMPUTER MAGAZINES WHICH RUN THESE ADS
INSIST THAT FINAL AD-COPY MUST BE AVAILABLE TO THE MAGAZINE WELL (MORE THAN
60 DAYS) IN ADVANCE OF PUBLICATION. SO AT THIS POINT IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM
QUITE RIGHT TO EXPECT THAT ANYONE COULD HAVE CHANGED THEIR ADS TO READ, 'RAW
MACHINE CODE' INSTEAD OF, 'WRITTEN IN C-BASIC', AS THEY PRESENTLY APPEAR. I
GUESS IF ONE IS GOING TO BE TOUGH, ONE MAY AS WELL BE FAIR.

I'M COMING HOME I'VE DONE MY TIME...

                            ZOSO