~Return To Zork

Reviewed By Martin Keen


As R is the 18th letter of the alphabet this article probably appeared
fairly near the bottom of the reviews section. Therefore chances are
you've already read quite a few reviews. I'm willing to bet 
that you may be getting a little tired of the usual reviewing 
technique by now of descibing a game in long narative passages and 
would like to see details about a title portrayed in a different
literate way. Well if you don't you might as well stop reading now
'cos I'm going to do it anyway. The following article is in the form
of a conversation between Bill and his mate Ben who've met down the
pub on a Friday night:

BILL - Alright there mate, what ya having?

BEN  - Me usual of course.

BILL - [to bartender] A pint of Fosters, and a Red Hot Banana Vodka 
       with a hint of tangerine for me mate Ben please

BEN  - Cheers mate. Lets go sit over there. That chick with the big
       jubblies can't keep her eyes off me...

BILL - Hey Ben, did I tell you about that smart new PC game I bought
       yesterday down the car boot sale? Its called Return To Zork. 
       The bloke sold it to me for a fiver. Brand new he said. Its
       not bad either.

BEN  - ...Maybe I should go over there and buy her a drink. She looks
       pretty desperate. 
       
BILL - Ahem!

BEN  - Oh. Yeah. Sorry mate. Return To Zork you say? Funny that, I had
       a game on me old Speccy called Zork. Its was a dodgy adventure
       game I think. No graphics, only words.

BILL - Yeah, thats right. This is the sequel.

BEN  - Never liked it much. All that reading does me head in.

BILL - Well that doesn't matter because this game is full of graphics
       and speech. Its really a text adventure with graphics.

BEN  - So doesn't that make it a graphic adventure?

BILL - Not really. I've played RTZ for quite a while now and its if 
       theres a text adventure dying to get out of the multimedia
       thrills. And the user interface is overly complex too. I feel
       Infocom are relying too much on their old roots and have yet
       to fully grasp what makes a proper graphic adventure. There
       really is no need for more than a couple of actions like look
       and use which need to be implemented in todays user friendly
       games. I hope Infocom can correct these errors by learning
       from their mistakes when they make the sequel - Zork Nemesis
       which is due out in the autumn.

BEN  - ?

BILL - You could at least look at me when I'm talking to you.

BEN  - They really ARE big jubblies. And she really DOES look
       desperate. I'll just have a sip of me drink for a bit of Dutch
       courage [gulp, gulp].

       [BANG!]

BILL - Err, Ben. Are you alright down there Ben? I think you're only 
       supposed to *sip* Vodka mate. 

BEN  - Mrrnnpphh

BILL - Every bloody Friday night you do this to me. Can't take your
       Vodka so end up under the table. And I haven't even had the
       chance to tell you about the dull Zork storyline or the silly
       puzzles. And I didn't get to tell you that despite dodgy 
       gameplay this title kept me enthralled for hours with all the 
       characters to met and locations to visit although ultimately
       the fun is shortlived and you'll tire of it way before you 
       complete it. Not that you care. Too busy being sick on my
       shoes aren't you? Me misses is getting fed up with cleaning
       them.

BEN  - Rdddddgggtt

BILL - Mind you that bird does have pretty sizeable jubblies doesn't
       she? I think I'll go over and impress her with my knowledge
       of the Wing Commander series. Girls just can't resist me
       when I tell 'em I know the maximum velocity of the Thunderbolt
       Seven.