Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Forget about World Peace..... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

There are 2 great secrets to success in life. The first is to not tell everything you know.