Smoking really IS bad

Always make back-ups of your important data

Don't eat at restaurants where the motto is"Good People, Good Food"

The Truth Is Out There

Bambi? Her name is Bambi?

Sometimes you really do get your $29.95's worth from a mail-order video

If it's iced tea, it's love
If it's root beer, it's fate

If you find an audio cassette in your car, 10-to-1 you can't dance to it.

If there's a white van in your driveway, don't drink the water.

Beware of women named B.J.

Deny Everything

Don't pass judgment while in the Arctic

Never scan unidentified metals

Don't look for romance on-line

Don't accept dinner invitations from bald, tattooed, half-naked men

Make sure you remember the birhtdays of people who are inportant to you

No wardrobe is complete without a New York Knicks T-shirt (holes optional), at least one red Speedo, and black silk boxers

Sometimes the only thing you can say is "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

Everyone has on uncle who is an amatuer magician.

Just because someone shoots you doesn't mean they're not your friend

Never, ever, go into a bathroom

"Go with it"

If you see a cockroach, say hello to the aliens

Recieving "Superstars of the Superbowl" is a good reason to live

Sometimes simple answers are good. For example, "Why is it so dark in here?" "Because the lights aren't on."

"Nojo on the rojo"