Five reasons computers must be female...

5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Here's the quid pro quo:

Top 10 reasons computers are male

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter

Top 10 reasons COMPILERS must be female:

10. Picky, picky, picky.

9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

8. Beauty is only shell deep.

7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing."

6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.

5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.

4. Smalltalk is important.

3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

2. They make you take the garbage out.

1. Miss a period and they go wild.