16. Same thing every morning: wake up, brush teeth, carve "SID" into your chest with a razor blade.

15. You can actually sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" without sounding like a complete idiot.

14. When your boss criticizes your sales projection figures, you hack off your ear.

13. Disqualified during Swim Suit Competition for smoking cigar and wiggling eyebrows at other contestants.

12. You've got Bette Davis eyes.

11. Can't understand why a fine physician like yourself is being sued for applying leeches to a patient.

10. Century after century, you find Shirley MacLaine consistently annoying.

9. Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, but you *love* her singing voice.

8. Whenever you get sick, it's always a rockin' pneumonia or a boogie-woogie flu.

7. In preparation for Hurricane Hortense, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbors' pets.

6. When you wake up in a puddle of your own overdose-induced vomit, you find yourself inexplicably crying out for Mr. French.

5. You cannot tell a lie. Regardless, you consider running for president.

4. Other scouts return from that first mountain hike with poison ivy; *you're* lugging tablets of inscribed stone.

3. You soil your pants every time you hear the words, "Little Bighorn."

2. Timmy is stuck in the old mine and all you can do is bark as your husband asks, "What is it, girl?!?"

and the number 1 sign you're the reincarnation of someone famous...

1. That six-figure advance for your book, "I Was the Pelvis," buys a shitload of deep-fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches.