This is whatÆs known as a "mondegreen," a phrase coined by Sylvia Wright in an artcle called ôThe Death of Lady Mondegreen,ö published in HarperÆs Magazine in 1954. Ms. Wright cited her own mishearing of the last line of the old Scottish balled, ôThe Bonny Earl of Murray.ö

"Ye Highlands and ye Lawlands,
O where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl of Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen.ö

"How romantic to have them both die together," she thought, and was bitterly disappointed when whe learned that the last line turned was the more prosaic: "And hae laid him on the green."

These days, with the far too augmented music of the modern radio, itÆs even easier to make a mistake with the lyrics of a song. I have collected for your entertainment the following, presented more or less alphabetically by artist. (And if you have more, IÆd dearly love to read them!)

you are my vapid queen you are my dancing queen Dancing Queen, ABBA

I got my first real sex dream; bought it at the five and dime I got my first real six-string; bought it at the five and dime Summer of '69, Bryan Adams

and secretaries turn off vibrators and put on their clothes and secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats Nothing Ever Happens, Del Amitri

it's the right time to roll the meat or it's the right time, the wrong me it's the right time to roll to me Roll to Me

Rabbi, where'd you put the Cheez Curls? Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl? Cornflake Girl, Tori Amos

Baking carrot biscuits Taking care of business Bachman-Turner Overdrive

The girl with colitis goes by the girl with kaleidescope eyes Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

some day monkey bones play piano song, play piano song sont les mots qui vont trΦs bien ensemble, trΦs bien ensemble Michelle, The Beatles

will you still feed me when I'm six-feet-four? When I'm Sixty-Four The Beatles

and you come to me on a submarine and you come to me on a summer breeze How Deep is Your Love, The Bee-Gees

I'm a right sore cowboy! like a rhinestone cowboy Glen Campbell

Take your pants down and make it happen Take your passion and make it happen Flashdance, Irene Cara

These are the good times/Are you straight or bi? These are the good times/Our new state of mind Chic

if she would have been paid for if she would have been faithful Chicago

Won't you be my bald-headed woman? I want to be your bald-headed man Won't you be my forever woman? I want to be your forever man Forever Man, Eric Clapton

(This oneÆs become a classic.) there's a bathroom on the right or There's a baboon on the right there's a bad moon on the rise Bad Moon Rising, Creedence Clearwater Revival

It came out of this guy, and just a little guacamole It came out of the sky, landed just a little south of Moline Creedence Clearwater Revival

look at all the happy preachers dancin' all alone look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn Lookin' Out My Back Door, Creedence Clearwater Revival

bumped a lotta brains in Memphis pumped a lotta 'tane... Proud Mary, Creedence Clearwater Revival

you hardly talk to me anymore, when I Kung Fu the door at the end of the day ...when I come through the door... You Don't Bring Me Flowers

Jesus is just a rat with beads Jesus is just alright with me Jesus is Just Alright, The Doobie Brothers

Clown Control to Mao Tse-tung Ground Control to Major Tom. Space Oddity, David Bowie

writer's on the phone riders on the storm Riders on the Storm, The Doors

the ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind the answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind Bob Dylan

Cool Whip in my hair cool wind in my hair Hotel California, Eagles.

life in the Bat Plane life in the fast lane Life in the Fast Lane lookin' for a lover who won't blow my brother lookin' for a lover who won't blow my cover Take It Easy, Eagles

Sweet Jesus Maitre D' or Sweet dreams are made of cheese Sweet dreams are made of these Sweet Dreams,The Eurythmics

this is the dawning of the angel's aquarium or this is the drowning in an aged aquarium this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius The Fifth Dimension

one must spell the answer one less bell to answer One Less Bell to Answer

thump her oily hairpins when its raining thunder only happens when it's raining Dreams, Fleetwood Mac

Doughnuts make my brown eyes blue Don't it make my brown eyes blue Crystal Gayle

Wake up to find out that you are disguised as a squirrel Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world Eyes of the World, The Grateful Dead

Would you like an infection before I leave again? Would you like some affection before I leave again? Shave my wife, I'm going down for the last time Save my life, I'm going down for the last time Never Been Any Reason, Headed East

In the garden of Eden, baby or In my gaudy Adidas, baby or I'm the god of Velveeta, baby In-a-Gadda-da-Vida Iron Butterfly - In-a-Gadda-da-Vida

making love to his Hannukah Chin making love to his tonic and gin Piano Man, Billy Joel

when I wore a young woman's clothes when I wore a younger man's clothes Piano Man, Billy Joel

Rocket man, burning all the trees off every lawn Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone Rocket Man, Elton John

hold me closer, Tony Danza or hold me closer, tie me down, sir hold me closer, tiny dancer Tiny Dancer, Elton John

Mice aroma My Sharona The Knack

I can send your knees right on down to your teeth I can sense your needs like rain unto the seeds I'm Every Woman, Chaka Khan

all we are is ducks in the wind ...dust in the wind Kansas

I don't wanna be your wet nurse I don't wanna be your witness Witness, Cyndi Lauper

I want you suffering circumcision I want you so it's an obsession Love is a Stranger, Annie Lennox

last night I wanked off some Dago or last night I dreamt of some bagels last night I dreamt of San Pedro young girl with eyes like potatoes young girl with eyes like the desert La Isla Bonita, Madonna

we are living in a Cheerio world, and I am a Cheerio girl we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl Material Girl, Madonna

sat in cheese, and luxuries so fine satin sheets and luxuries so fine Dress You Up, Madonna

I thought the major was a lady, sofa and chair or I thought the Major wasn't a lady, suffer again I thought the major was a lady suffragette Jet, Paul McCartney

a gay pair of guys put up a parking lot they paved paradise and put up a parking lot Big Yellow Taxi, Joni Mitchell

Take advantage Bob, you hurt me at the track Take advantage while you hang me out to dry About a Girl, Nirvana

I've got a backache from loving you I've got a bad case of loving you Loving You, Robert Palmer

four or five virgins and a pelican or good vibrations from a pelican glorified version of a pellet gun Glorified G, Pearl Jam

hey, hey, hey - I'm Barney Rubble hey, hey, hey - I'm born a rebel Born a Rebel, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

the dogs suck acid in the classroom or no dukes of hazzard in the classroom no dark sarcasm in the classroom by pouring dirty raisins on everything we did by pouring their derision on everything we did Another Brick in the Wall, Pink Floyd

Life could be ecstasy, you and me and Leslie life could be ecstacy, you and me endlessly Groovin', The Rascals

Sammy chanted evening - Jews will sing a stranger Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger Some Enchanted Evening, Rogers & Hammerstein

Who put ham and eggs on you? who could hang a name on you? Ruby Tuesday, The Rolling Stones

And you're sitting there on a can in the woods And you're sitting there, not a care in the world Summer Breeze, Seals & Crofts

it's as tough as green tomatoes it's the stuff that dreams are made of The Stuff that Dreams are Made Of, Carly Simon

I had some dreams - they were clowns in my coffee I had some dreams - they were clouds in my coffee

You're so lame, I bet you think this song is about shoes You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you You're So Vain, Carly Simon

Captain Picard on the New Jersey Turnpike counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike America, Simon and Garfunkel

just a come-on from the horse on Seventh Avenue or just a come-on from the war-zone, Seventh Avenue just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue The Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel

She's a slut, ooh, more than you will know or she's a sludgy Mormon you will know Jesus loves you more than you will know Mrs. Robinson, Simon and Garfunkel

I am a rock, I am an onion I am a rock, I am an island Simon and Garfunkel

kitchen water running or ketchup warm and running get your motor running Born to be Wild, Steppenwolf

Love Child, never quiet at school ...never quite as good Love Child, The Supremes

you're catering love you can't hurry love Can't Hurry Love, The Supremes

take your chances on the waterbed take your chances on the wall of death Wall of Death, Richard and Linda Thompson

Form a line! Love isn't always on time Hold the line - love isn't always on time Hold the Line, Toto

we're living in a poltergeist and giving off sparks or we're living in a boat and gag and geared up raw we're living in a powder keg and givings off sparks Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

It's a hard egg It's A Heartache Bonnie Tyler

and there's a wino down the road - I should have stolen Oreos and as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin

Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, ??