ParentTime Live! Transcript Swimming With Ear Tubes Argumentative Child Quitting the Thumb Single Parenting Self-Potty Training Plane Travel with Baby Toddler Sleep Schedule Honey for Infants Language Development Squint Cranky After Daycare Blanket Fears Sesame Street for Infants		ParentTime Live! Event Transcript In this March 7 chat event, Dr. Bill and Martha Sears share their views on a variety of baby and child care topics. ParentTime elcome to ParentTime Live! Our guests today are Dr. Bill and Martha Sears, parents of eight and authors of The Baby Book and The Discipline Book. Bill and Martha are here to answer your parenting questions. Bill and Martha Sears: Hi parents! It’s good to be with you tonight. We welcome your questions on infant and child care. Swimming With Ear Tubes Question: My friend’s 19-month-old boy has to get those tubes put in his ears and is signed up for swimming lessons before the surgery is being done. His doctor says it’s okay to swim, but his Mom would like another opinion. Bill and Martha Sears: It’s okay to swim with tubes in the ears. The doctor may recommend earplugs. In our experience, Macks earplugs are the best. It’s also okay to swim before the surgery. To prevent your child from having recurrent ear infections, avoid bottles lying down, keep your baby’s nose clear with saltwater nose drops, remove allergens from his bedroom, keep him away from cigarette smoke, and be sure he’s not eating or drinking allergic foods. Many ear infections are caused by allergens.
		Argumentative Child Question: I have a discipline question... my otherwise terrific seven-year-old daughter has turned into a world class lawyer and could argue with me about ANYTHING — and usually does. How do you combat that? Bill and Martha Sears: We have one of those lawyer-type children too — our fourteen year old, Erin. When it comes to any personality trait, rather than squelch the trait, you want to help the child learn to use it to her advantage. Many bright children are so caught up in their own opinion that they have difficulty listening to others. Listen to her side of the story. Nod approvingly, and encourage her to go on and on about why she believes she is right. In this way, while you are not agreeing with her, at least you are giving her a valuable message that will carry over to her teen years: “I am willing to listen to your side of the story, even though I may not agree.” The other message you need to give your child is that you are the parent and she is the child, and that means that what you say goes. Oftentimes, what a child wants most is to be listened to and respected for their opinion, not simply to get her way. Openers such as: “I understand” or “I know how you feel” will at least convince her that you are trying to get behind her eyes and see things from her viewpoint, even though you reserve the parental right to have the final say.
		Quitting the Thumb Question: What is the most effective way to get my eight-year-old to stop sucking her thumb? Bill and Martha Sears: First, decide if it’s really a problem for your child. Is it bothering her teeth or damaging her thumb? If not, don’t do a thing, otherwise she’s liable to develop more annoying habits. If her upper teeth are coming forward or lower teeth are pushing inward, give her a substitute habit. In breaking any habit, a child must have a safer substitute. Try: “Next time you feel like sucking your thumb, hold onto your thumb with one hand” (or, put your thumb in your pocket, squeeze your arm). Try to get your child to immediately click into another mannerism that gets her mind off her thumb. At age eight, thumbsucking usually subsides more by peer pressure than by parental pressure. Like most annoying habits, this will soon pass.
		Single Parenting Question: What effect will being a single parent have on my daughter’s development? Bill and Martha Sears: My mother (Dr. Bill) was a single mom, and the best memory I have of her is that she did the best she could in a less than ideal situation. That’s all your child will ever expect of you — that you did your best. Your child will never expect you to be Mom and Dad. Just be the best mom you can. As your child grows, it’s important to expose her to significant and healthy males, such as sports coaches, male teachers, and male playmates. Above all, be extra cautious about the males in your own life, so that she grows up with a healthy attitude about the male sex. As long as you do the best you can as her mother and expose her to healthy males, she is likely to develop just as healthy a sexual attitude as if she had an involved father.
		Self-Potty Training Question: My daughter is 21 months old and is trying to potty train herself. She refuses to wear a diaper, but doesn’t seem to be able to give more than a few seconds notice that she needs to go. I am just letting her do what she wants, and if she wants a diaper I put it on her. Bill and Martha Sears: You are doing the right thing: toilet training your daughter according to her developmental readiness, not your own timetable. Let her go without a diaper as much as possible to call her attention to how her body is working. Watch for “about-to-go” signs — she becomes very quiet, squats, grimaces — and when you notice these signs, give her a reminder cue such as: “Go potty” and praise her for having been so quick. Often, toddlers need their parents to give them reminder cues to listen to their body signals as soon as they sense the urge to go. Make it fun for her to make it to the potty. Hang a reward chart next to the toilet. Every time she makes it to the potty, she gets a sticker on the chart. In all major developmental milestones, such as toilet-training, children take two steps forward and one step backwards. So, expect relapse days where she may want to be a baby again and wear a diaper. You may also want to make a special shopping trip and let her pick out her own potty chair. Put her chair near where she is playing to make it easier for her to reach her potty rather than have to run into another room and dribble along the way (and perhaps never make it to the adult toilet).
		Plane Travel With Baby Question: My husband and I will be taking our six-month old son on a five-day trip to San Francisco in two weeks. This will be his first plane flight. What can we do to make this four-hour plane flight as smooth as possible? Bill and Martha Sears: Pre-walking infants actually travel easier than busy toddlers, so you should have a pleasant trip. To make plane travel easier on you and your baby, get your baby used to being carried in a babysling. This type of carrier makes travel a breeze, especially if you are breastfeeding (feeding in the sling can be done discreetly in public). Also, feed your baby (breast or bottle) as soon as the plane begins to descend. If your baby is sleeping on landing, wake him up. (That’s the only time you ever want to wake a sleeping baby!) A baby’s ears will adjust better to a change in pressure when he’s awake rather than asleep. Sit as far foward on the plane as you can, since the air there is cleaner and sometimes less dry. The dry air (humidity often less than 10 percent) on an airplane can irritate a baby’s nose. Take along a tiny squirt bottle of saltwater nose drops, and flush his nose every hour if he seems to get a stuffed-up nose. Book an aisle and window seat, and unless the plane is full, a sympathetic ticket agent will usually keep the center seat vacant for your baby if you ask. Have a nice trip!
		Toddler Sleep Schedule Question: My 15-month-old’s sleep schedule has gone haywire. How many hours of sleep should she get at night, and how long and when should her naps be? Bill and Martha Sears: The average 15-month-old needs 11 to 12 hours of sleep and two one-hour naps. To get your baby to nap more and for one- to two-hour stretches, develop a consistent nap time. Pick out two times of the day when you are the most tired, usually late morning and mid-afternoon. Lie down with your child at the same time each day, so that your baby gets used to this ritual. Develop a consistent bedtime and bedtime ritual: feeding, rocking, lullaby, dimming lights, and snuggling up with him at naptime. Baby will get used to this ritual and fall into a pattern that you have arranged. Remember, your goal of nighttime parenting is to create a healthy sleep attitude in your child — so your child regards sleep as a pleasant state to enter and not a fearful state to remain in. To do this, develop a fun and calming bedtime ritual: feeding, rocking, warm bath, lullaby, and snuggling down with Mom or Dad. When your infant awakes, try to resettle him in the quickest and least rewarding way. Try not to feed in the middle of the night unless you truly believe he is hungry. Work out a sleeping arrangement that gets all three of you the most sleep. Some infants will sleep longer stretches close by their parents, either snuggled up next to a parent or in the crib next to their parent’s bed; other infants will sleep longer in their own bed or their own room. A bit of nighttime juggling of sleeping arrangements is part of the whole parenting package.
		Honey for Infants Question: In your food introduction article, honey is listed in the 12-18 month category. I have four children, and have always heard that honey contains bacteria that may be harmful prior to two years of age. I am curious about the reason for the difference. Bill and Martha Sears: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that honey not be given to an infant under one year of age because of the fear of botulism, a bacterial disease that can make an infant under one year very ill. Actually, botulism is rare and some nutritionists believe that honey has gotten an unfair rap. Yet, to be on the safe side, best to avoid unpasteurized honey in infants under two years of age, and all honey under one. The younger the infant, the more serious botulism is. Otherwise, honey is a safe and healthy alternative to sugar. Actually, fruit concentrates may be an even safer alternative for the infant if you are making your baby’s own food.
		Language Development Question: My son, who just turned two, is always asking “What’s that?” but he doesn’t say the names of things (dog, cat and so on). We read to him every day and are always talking to him and asking him questions. Is this normal development? Bill and Martha Sears: This is normal development. It’s very important for parents to acknowledge a child’s questions. We call this "expanding" on a child’s cue. When a child points to an object and asks what it is, just don’t give him a one word answer, but expand on it. For example, the child points to a bird and asks “What’s that?” Say “It’s a bird” and then look at him, encouraging him to say the same word. Then expand on what birds are: “Birds have wings” (gesture wings) “and they fly in the sky” (gesturing flying). When your child gets a fun and animated response to his verbal cues, he learns that speaking is fun and it’s accompanied by appropriate body language, not just verbal sounds. Above all, at the impressionable age of two, don’t try to correct a child’s mispronunciations, but simply model the correct way of saying it and let your child model you. Remember, speech is a developmental skill that is “caught” from the parents, not taught.
		Squint Question: My seven-month-old daughter has a little squint in her left eye. Our pediatrician told us nothing can be done until she is a year-and-a-half old. What’s your opinion on that? Bill and Martha Sears: Normally, crossed eyes should straighten out in most babies by the age of seven months. We strongly recommend that you watch your infant’s eyes and record how often they cross or she squints. Squinting or eye crossing is often a sign of a vision problem or an eye-muscle imbalance. We strongly suggest that you have her examined by a pediatric eye doctor by the age of nine months. If it is due to a weak eye muscle, the earlier it is corrected, the better the results.
		Cranky After Daycare Question: We have a two-year-old who, over the past month or so, has been a crying, complaining, tantruming barrel of fun at home. It seems that even when he has a good day at daycare, as soon as he gets home the games begin. What to do? Bill and Martha Sears: Remember, the daycare is fortunate enough to get your child when he is rested in the morning hours. By the time they get home from a busy day at daycare, many children are tired and cranky — and that’s the time the parents get to play with them. Ask the daycare center to give your child a mid- to late-afternoon nap, so he is well-rested by the time you pick him up. Also, feed your son as soon as you get him home. A combination of being tired and being hungry sets a toddler up for a cranky evening.
		Blanket Fears Question: Our son is seven months old and becoming very active. When we put him to bed with a light blanket he likes to pull it up over his face. We are afraid he will suffocate but don’t want him to get too cold. Any suggestions? Bill and Martha Sears: A seven-month-old has the head control and muscle control to easily remove the blanket from his face. It’s very unlikely your child will suffocate in this way. Put him to sleep on his back or on his side. Side-sleepers tend to pull blankets over their heads less than back-sleepers, though sleeping on the back is the safest position — at least for the first nine months. If you are still worried, try a porous blanket with many breathe-through openings. Another trick is to simply clothe your infant in a heavier sleeper and not use a blanket at all.
		Sesame Street for Infants Question: Is there anything wrong with a two-and-a-half-month-old watching Sesame Street? My son seems to enjoy it. Bill and Martha Sears: As long as your child enjoys it, Sesame Street is a very entertaining TV program. It can even be educational. One problem with programs like this is that in some children they foster short attention span because they flit from topic to topic too quickly. Better are the programs which give more screen time to each figure to encourage a child to develop a longer attention span. Thanks, parents, for an enjoyable chat. Give your children a hug for us! See you next time on ParentTime Live!