Death by Misadventure: Stories

Introduction

We are all drawn to the newspaper reports of stupid deaths and often find ourselves laughing out loud at these fatal pratfalls. Our sudden intense reaction is largely based upon the constant sub-concious anxiety we all feel about our own mortality. Any one of us might meet such an inglorious demise. It just takes one bad decision. The fleeting releases we are granted when we laugh at the misfortunes presented here, come at a very high price -- human lives and the untold grief and embarrassment suffered by the survivors. The fatal accidents presented here have all been reported in newspapers or other media. They are the more unusual examples of dumb ways people die. They are essentially accidents of arrogance, utter stupidity or complete negligence. In each case, the victim should have known better.

I have published this page with 3 purposes in mind:

  1. To entertain. I have tried to keep the tone ironic without being too nasty.

  2. To inform. I hope one reader, one day, might think twice before diving in unfamiliar water, using a utensil on a finicky appliance, resisting an armed robber or pulling a daredevil stunt.

  3. To grow. See Your Turn. Your contributions will be gladly added to this page (with a credit) and included in my upcoming book.

The Stories

You first, Greg
Gregory C., 18, died attempting to break in to the neighbourhood elementary school. Instead of smashing a door or window, Gregory and his two pals decided to enter through a roof top furnace exhaust shaft. Gregory managed to get 6 feet down the narrow shaft before he succumbed to the carbon monoxide fumes and intense heat. Greg's two accomplices fled on bicycles after calling police and pointing the way to the shaft.

Thelma and Dan
In the early hours of a spring morning, a surburban youth's joy ride in a stolen minivan ended fatally when he drove off some lakeshore bluffs. Police recovered the 17-year-old's body from between the middle and back seats of the locked vehicle at the bottom of the 200 ft. drop. One can only suspect that Dan, like so many of us, mistook the stolen Dodge Caravan for a Chrysler Magic Wagon.

Death of the Party
Garry H., a 39-year-old lawyer, crashed through his office window and plunged 24 floors to his death while demonstrating the tensile strength of the skyscraper's windows during an office party. As he had done on several other occasions, Garry ran shoulder-first at the sealed window from across the room. Garry specialized in Securities.

Probably his butt, Officer
After a night of drinking, Christian R., tried to break into his neighbour's apartment by climbing across the balconies. He was startled when confronted by his elderly neighbour. While trying to flee, he plunged 17 storeys to his death. "I just heard a 'pat'", said the intended victim. The responding police officer commented, "it was an accidental fall. I just wonder what was going through his head on the way down."

Ski-don't
One Saturday night in late January, four snowmobiling buddies drowned when their machines broke through an ice covered lake. One of the men, Mark M., 28, had just lost a machine at the same spot two weeks earlier. One officer told Moore's sister the painful truth, "He lost his life but he didn't lose his beer." The police found 9 bottles of beer in the pockets of the recovered bodies.

Beware of Dog
Mark R., 24, drowned trying to rescue his dog after it fell through thin ice on a lake during a recent January. Mark's step-father drowned trying to save Mark. The dog swam safely to shore.

Once bit, twice die
Joe P., 23, had his throat ripped out by his roommate's two bull terriers. The man was still recovering from the last time the dogs attacked him one month earlier. He suffered bites to his arm and leg and a punctured lung in the earlier attack which hospitalized him for 12 days. Joe provoked the fatal second attack by taunting and kicking the dogs after getting drunk.

He didn't see it coming
Hector P. was killed by a subway train during the evening rush hour. The 44-year-old man died trying to retrieve his eyeglasses that had fallen onto the tracks.

Talk about your water hazards!
Two men drowned at golf courses in two separate incidents during a recent July. Both men were commercial divers involved in salvaging golf balls from water hazards. Retrieved golf balls sell for about $1 each.

Wing Nuts
Lloyd D. died as his light plane was taking off into bad weather in the American plains. Lloyd's 7-year-old daughter, Jessica, was at the controls. Also in the plane was Jessica's flight instructor, Joe R. The trio were trying to break the record for youngest pilot to fly across the United States. Bad weather also interfered with Jessica's mother's plans for Jessica's funeral. Poor visability prevented Jessica's 9-year-old brother, Joshua from flying over the backyard service.

Calling Dr. Pepper...
Between 1981 and 1988, 11 people in the United States were crushed to death tipping soft-drink machines. The accidents occur while people rock the machines in attempts to dislodge coins or cans. Many such machines are top-heavy and can weigh as much as 1,000 pounds.

Burglar-gai-pan
Octavio C. killed himself trying to break into a Chinese Restaurant. The 34-year-old and a friend gained entry through the restaurant's roof vent. Octavio died after falling from the roof onto the hard kitchen floor. The friend fled and alerted Octavio's family.

Religion hard for stable boy to swallow
Franco B., 22, an inmate at a city jail died tryng to swallow a bible (4 x 2.5 x .5 inches). The coroner concluded that the former race track employee was trying to "purge himself of the Devil by consuming religion." Franco was serving a 15 day sentence for possession of a stolen credit card and damaging a police car.

Tragic Temper Tantrum
Teenager, Jeremy B., killed himself with his No. 3 wood. Jeremy, 16, had just missed a shot on the 6th hole when he smashed his club against a bench. Half of the club broke off and bounced back at Jeremy, piercing his heart.

Driver strikes lightning
Kent W., 45, was electrocuted trying to sabotage a 12,000 volt transformer. Kent, a delivery truck driver, was one of 2,000 striking newspaper employees. Kent was trying to disrupt electricity to one of the papers' suburban distribution centres.

Prison Trash
Police had to use fingerprints to identify the remains of escaped convict Anastasio F., 41, found at a landfill site. Anastasio was serving a life sentence for attempted kidnapping when he escaped the correctional facility in the back of a garbage truck. Anastasio, however, did not manage to escape the truck's garbage compactor.

Wile Erick? Coyote
The body of Erick B., 20, was discovered on top of a railcar. Police said that Erick was hitching a ride when the train must have "encountered some obstruction" to cause Erick's fatal injuries.
Beep! Beep!

The mechanics of sabotage
It appears that shop steward Kim T. was a casualty in the workplace feud between mechanics and management at a large metropolitan transit authority. Kim's head and chest were crushed under a sabotaged 12 ton bus. An air bag in the vehicle's suspension system had been slashed, as had the bags on 2 other nearby buses. A folding knife was found under the bus with Kim.

High Octane Cocktail
One woman died and 10 others were poisoned when revellers mistook gas-line anti-freeze for vodka at a Christmas party. Sallie R., 47, had already been drinking, when someone discovered and served the contents of a plastic soda bottle filled with a clear liquid. Apparently, none of the party goers knew that the local mechanic stored his anti-freeze in soda bottles.

[.23(7 x 32) - 1 + 2,000,000] x 9 ÷ 5=$0.00
On a hot July, 32-year-old Ana G. and six friends broke into a closed municipal pool. Ana drowned and was later found to have a blood-alcohol level of .23 percent, twice the legal limit. Ana's family later won a $2 million negligence suit against the city. Finally, 9 years after her death, the state Supreme Court threw out the entire award. The five judges ruled unanimously that Ana's "reckless and culpable conduct" was the only legal cause of her death.

Dead as a ...
Door salesman, Kenneth P., 31, fell 100 ft to his death after climbing on to a railing during his first visit to a baseball stadium. His friends denied that Kenneth had been drinking or trying to jump from one pedestrian ramp to the next.

Say "grated cheese"!
Timothy R., 24, died having his photograph taken. Tim was standing at the edge of a canyon for a souvenir snapshot when he slipped and fell to his death.

Do not adjust your set
Five people were electrocuted, in two separate incidents on the same day, while they were installing TV antennae. Simone B. watched in horror as her husband, son, nephew, and a young neighbour were killed when the 50 foot tower they were installing fell against a live wire. Robert G., 49, was climbing a ladder to his roof when the ladder slipped against a wire carrying 59,000 volts.

Operation Snake Dance
George S., 38, had been arrested 3 times for trying to steal the copper wire that powers his local commuter rail line. One week after his last arrest, George was found lifeless beside his hacksaw. George's arrests were part of a successful police crackdown on the theft of the wire which is sold for $1.00 a pound. Operation Snake Dance reduced the rail line's losses from this type of theft from $1.3 million in 1990 to $120,000 in 1992.

Chicken à la king
Early one Sunday morning, four friends raced to their deaths in a pickup truck. The group was playing chicken with a train, trying to beat the locomotive to the next level crossing. Tracy L., 28, owned the pickup truck, but the police could not be sure who was actually driving. By the time the mile long train came to a full stop a half mile after impact, the pickup was completely destroyed.

SSSam wantsss a sssnack, NOW!
A 15-year-old boy was found strangled to death one July afternoon. The culprit was found nearby -- his older brother's 11 foot Burmese python. The family was shocked because the cold-blooded carnivorous reptile had never been "aggressive" before.

Corolla crushes Californian
A 63-year-old woman was crushed to death by her own car in her own driveway. Apparently, Barbara L. did not properly set her parking brake before she walked to her mailbox at the end of the driveway. The Deputy Sheriff who discovered the body said, "It looked like she was trying to get out of the way or to stop the car from rolling, and she couldn't."

Remember to chew your evidence thoroughly
A man died shortly after being arrested for robbing a woman in a supermarket parking lot. The suspect choked on a $50 bill. Apparently he was trying to hide the evidence from the police.

Some people should wear helmets all the time
Seventeen-year-old, Joseph M., an aspiring race car driver, ended his racing career before it really got started. The high school senior suffered fatal head injuries when he leaned out of a school bus to talk to a girl on the ground. Joseph's head hit a telephone pole as the bus was pulling away from the curb.

Don't try this at home!
On New Year's Day, Vince J., a 20-year-old professional snowboarder, died in his own backyard. Vince was performing tricks for his friends when he slammed chest first into his patio railing. Vince died of a massive heart failure.

Alcohol Makes College Students Disappear
The whereabouts of 3 students and 2 alumni of a private university were unknown for 5 days after they left a popular bar early one late winter morning. Family and friends learned only then that the group had driven off the road and drowned in the frigid waters of the local river, just a few blocks from the bar. Killed also were 2 dogs locked in a roof top carrier.

Bragging Kills
Four young teenagers drowned one October after one boasted that he could jump his mountain bike over an urban river. Local fishermen hearing the boast thought they had disabused the boys of the idea until they saw the boys pictures in the local paper a few days later.

Professional Stupidity
A "professional" bungee jumper died practicing for a recent half-time show. She bounced to her death in front of hundreds of volunteers (including children) who were also rehearsing. A stage-hand with a gift for understatement told the press, "She hit her head hard."

Dumbster
The crushed body of Douglas B., a drifter sought for 9 years by his family, was found in a landfill sight. It seems he went to sleep in a dumpster one May evening. His family had been trying to locate him to tell him that he had inherited several thousand dollars.

Send me your stories!

Please include your sources (newspaper, date, page) and a brief summary of the article.

If you don't have the source, give me some clues -- city, year, name, type of accident.

Contributors will be credited if I add your story to this page.

© 1996,1997, Dale Dreher. 76265.2435@compuserve.com