Over the last few years we've all been put to the task of answering questions about our pastime of gunning. Since we are more or less on the defensive, it would benefit us as a group to work toward a standardization of answers.
Such a mass, or unified, response would only add to our solidarity--as well as reinforcing the high moral level of our sporting attitudes. To this end I have made a general list of questions and answers that closely reflect those I have encountered in my travels and I offer them to you to use as you see fit and as they apply to your own circumstances.
Q: Why do you get up at 4:00 a.m. to go duck hunting?
A: Mainly to have breakfast with my pals in a diner. The food is good, the waitresses don't wander around in soiled wrappers with their hair up in plastic rollers, and we can put our cigarettes out in the saucers.
Q: Do you really get a kick out of it?
A: Most of us used to back in the days when we all shot pump guns. Now most of us have switched over to autoloaders. I've even gone to using a Pachmayr Triple Magnum pad and a recoil reducer in my 3-inch magnum and it really helps.
Q: What about the poor ducks?
A: Actually, today there aren't any poor ducks anymore. Most waterfowl have extensive land holdings in Canada, and the U.S. Government has been setting aside home sites here in this country. Plenty of food, housing, and recreation facilities are open to any that want to look them up. The mallard is a bit of a spendthrift--they tend to carry on with several females at a time and that's expensive as we all know. The pintail and teal do go a little overboard on travel, but by the large they're all doing handsomely.
Q: I don't see how you can justify it at all!
A: Neither do I. Last year I spent weeks working for two different DU committees, at my own expense. I spent over 80 dollars in out-of-state licenses and more than I want to even think about in motels, restaurants, sporting-goods stores, and travel expenses. One friend, who's an accountant, gave up keeping a record when he discovered that various DU functions and sportsman's dinners and that sort of thing cost him over 45 dollars in Tums and Rolaids alone.
Q: I don't mean that--I mean the shooting.
A: There are lots of theories. Some of us believe in the Churchill theory of "automatic lead." That's where you just look at the bird and as you follow it with your eyes the gun will automatically work out the right lead. Others sort of spot-shoot--they pick a place where the bird will be and go right there. But I'd say the majority swear by the swing-through method. That's when you come up behind the bird, swing through to establish your lead, and then touch it off. A few use what they call a sustained lead. You start your gun out ahead of the duck and keep it there. I can do that on skeet targets but not in the field.
Q: You're just giving me smart answers.
Q: Well, I've given it a lot of thought. But actually there's a whole other side that you ought to take into consideration. Like heavy loads versus light loads, shot sizes and pellet hardness. Whether you prefer a full choke or something a little more open. I'd be glad to explain my theories on choke boring if you'd like, but it would help if you read Brister and Oberfell & Thompson first.
Q: How do you explain all this to your children?
A: The hard thing to explain to children is to start out with both eyes open so they get in the habit of using binocular vision; they all tend to squint or close one eye.
Q: I mean what do they feel about you bringing dead ducks home?
A: The older ones hope I'll give them a glass of red wine. The young ones like them breasted out and pan broiled in a little butter. I do that more with geese but in general I don't think anything is better than a whole roasted bird if they haven't been into eel grass or sea cabbage; then we have to marinate them overnight.
Q: How can you treat hunting as if it were a calling?
A: Calling is something else entirely. With ducks, for example, it depends a lot on local custom. Mike McLemore, he's the four-time national champion, likes the Arkansas type--they've got a nice tone and a good range and for all around they can't be beat. But you get out in the Midwest--Iowa for example--you want something a bit louder. I take a couple of calls at least. One I like just for the highball or come-back call, and the other has a great reed for the feeding chuckle and the lonesome hen.
Calling is a real art and you've got to work at it constantly to be any good. You'd be surprised at the discussions over plastic reeds versus brass--even the type of wood and the shape of the barrel. I can listen to a good duck caller for hours--if you ever have the time I can bring out my tapes and records. And there's almost the same controversy over goose calling. Here I go along with the majority and stick with the Olt--a nice tone, easy to tune, and easy to work. You'd be surprised at the goose callers who don't know the little feeding noise, though; it helps a lot when they're just on the edge and can't make up their mind. (Here I'm always glad to demonstrate as it often changes the direction of the conversation to something other than gunning.)
Q: Does your wife agree with you on this?
A: For the most part, yes. But we still have a problem with the sandwiches. She tends--I guess most women do for some reason--to put tomatoes on the rolls which makes them too soggy for my taste. And now and then she'll get my stuff mixed up with the school lunches and I end up with peanut butter and jelly which does a number on my calling. She also will forget and shrinks my good long underwear every so often. But she can dry-pick a mallard with the best of them and I'll match her roast black duck with anything in the world.
Q: Does she like all those guns around the house?
A: She doesn't basically mind, but I object to your use of the word all, especially when she might overhear you.
Q: She doesn't think they're horrid?
A: She knows one is horrid. That's the one with about four inches of drop and kicks like a hammer. I really don't know whether to get it restocked and hang on to it or trade it off for something else. The problem is that it's bored just right for an ounce and a half of heavy 2's--just the ticket for long passing shots. But she's after me to get one of those new Ruger 20-bores with a 3-inch chamber so she can use it over the decoys. All in all it's a problem, but we've worked these things out before and no doubt we can get some sort of agreement.
Q: She must lead a dog's life.
A: She says she wishes she did. Just joking, of course. But she's been known to remark that I think more of Rocky than I do of her. That's ridiculous, obviously. But, then again, Rocky is one in a million. She's probably still a little upset that I took one of the old chairs from the living room and put it in the kennel because he always likes to sit in it and we had plenty of stuff in the house anyway.
Q: Don't you think we need better gun control?
A: I certainly do. One of the biggest problems is that too many think it's in the left hand--if they're a right-handed shooter. Actually, the best shots use their right hand; the one that really holds the stock. That was Fred Etchen's whole purpose in inventing the Etchen Grip. It gives you better trigger control, cuts down on flinching, and helps keep the comb up where it belongs. You'll find a lot of argument on this particular point, but that's my belief and I'll stick to it.
Q: What about the criminal use of guns?
A: I've certainly seen a lot of that. One of the worst examples is a friend of mine from Texas who hunts ducks with a fully engraved, side-lock Woodward. He's going to ruin it and it'll serve him right. Some others that come to mind are putting swivels in the stock and shortening the barrels where they lose all the choke. I've seen a lot of bad engraving too, but I'll admit that's often a matter of taste.
Q: Don't you ever feel sorry or have any regrets?
A: Constantly. There was a Model 21 Winchester bored improved-modified and full, ventilated rib, and factory engraving that I could have picked up for less than a thousand. Gorgeous piece of wood, too. And a Lem Ward pintail drake comes to mind a lot.
Q: I mean about the shooting.
A: You have to be philosophical. Some days you're on and some days it's all pick and shovel. I know I don't shoot enough trap, for instance; last year I didn't register more than 2,000 16-yard targets. My skeet isn't all it ought to be either. Station 3 high house has me about licked. But on the whole I'd say I'm doing better than average.
Q: What about all the blood?
A: I'm not a medical man, but offhand I'd say that a beef steer has more of it than a teal or a widgeon. If you're talking about personal taste I prefer the well done side.
Q: You're not very broad-minded, are you?
A: Not at all. Like most of my hunting friends I'm happily married.
Q: Don't you ever think that what you've doing is basically wrong?
A: It often is. But mostly it's raising my head off the stock. Late at night I often consider going to a 1-1/4 inch Monte Carlo with about a 1/4-inch more pull.
Q: You and I will never see eye to eye, will we?
A: I've been noticing that, and I think your problem is that you have a dominant left eye, whereas my right eye is the master. That's fine, if you're left-handed, otherwise you'll tend to crossfire a lot.
Q: You think I'm one of those "do-gooders," don't you?
A: Definitely not. Unless I'm grossly mistaken you've never bought a duck stamp, spent a minute working for conservation, or even given a thought to where all the dollars for wildlife come from. You know nothing about nor care for nesting areas, habitat, or food sources. You spend two dollars for a bumper sticker about braking for animals, while I spend hundreds and am nearly broke...
As you can see this is general, but we do get a look at the most common remarks suffered by waterfowlers in non-segregated groups. I offer the answers as guidelines only, personal attitudes and special conditions will always require specific remedies. I only ask, as I've tried to show you here, that you be patient, helpful, and courteous. If they're true animal lovers and you have a 90-pound retriever who likes to jump up on people, you're lucky; introduce them.
Above all, have a good time. Remember that you're right and they're wrong. And if you've been married as long as I have there's a corner of the ring that you haven't been in for a long, long time. Enjoy yourself--it's still four months or so until opening day.
This story originally appeared in A Listening Walk...and Other Stories by Gene Hill.
Copyright (c) 1985 Gene Hill. All rights reserved.
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