Getting Out There

Dear Friends,

Over many years in the transgender community and in the community at large, I have discovered many tidbits that have helped smooth the bumpy roads along the way.

My hope is to establish a dialogue, get feedback and input from many of us who have been along the road, and to share it with all. I like to think of this as something akin to the "Hints for Heloise" for the transgendered community.

First Outings

I have mused and wondered about the whyís and whereforeís of our first outings. Further than that however, I have pondered the gumption it takes to go full time, as I am, and how we go about doing it. This for me was a kind of "put up or shut up" affair and I compelled myself into the streets (so to speak) and out into the open (with no visible means of support). I did not, contrary to the myth, emerge flawless and passable, able to walk into Macyís or K-Mart unnoticed. For that matter I did not try. Rather I chose the places I was going to mingle very carefully.

The last thing any of us wants is to be humiliated in public (those of you who are exceptions know who you are!). So I figured I would go to places that had no choice but to provide me with service, accept me, and so on. I made a doctorís appointment (they HAVE to be nice, its part of the Hippocratic oath or something). Made one for the dentist as well. Then, after making those two appointments, without incident, I gained the confidence to try other spots. Retails outlets that are not run by the owners like Tall Etc. and Nordstromís were top of that list. Both places knew I had money to spend and treated me graciously. The sales people at Nordyís are all on commission and they know how to make a sale! From there I went into Wal-Mart (they didnít even notice, I mean have you been in a Wal-Mart?). Confidence built, I was, and am not terribly concerned about going and coming exactly as I pleased, whenever I chose. The market (Ralphís, Raleyís and so on), the Post Office, Starbuckís, you name it.

Here is the key to the argument I gave myself. Go to any of these places and look around. Money is the master. Has to be, or else they would have dress code for Macís and the fashion police at Macyís. I always, always look better than a few women, usually look better than some, and occasionally look better most, and always look better than I used to as a guy. The other women are getting service, products, attention and the like, why not me too? I am not going to write a bad check or offer an over-limit credit card. I conduct myself in a manner fitting the situation. And I am not ëwindow-shopping.í

So, before you blast onto the scene, whatever that scene is, you might want to map out a plan, check out what the other gals are wearing, and do it smart.

Ö next time -- PHOTOs