Robert Eads: Influential,
Well-known FTM Dies

Robert and Lola

Robert Eads, a FtM transsexual who'd been completely transitioned and living as a man for the past two decades died last week from ovarian cancer after having tremendous difficulties finding an oncologist who would treat a transsexual man with cancer of his female reproductive organs.

Though he did not hold any office or title per se in any organization, he was a key personality in the loose-knit group of 50 or so people who comprise the Organizing Committee of Southern Comfort Conference.

While he never held an official post with SCC -- he did play a large role in shaping the tenor and tone of the convention -- especially it's well-deserved reputation for being very inclusive of FtMs. Other similar conferences around the country are done by, for and are all about MtFs. Early on in SCC (which was co-founded by an FtM), Robert was relentless in advocating at the quarterly meetings for greater visibility of FtMs at SCC, more FtM programming, etc.

This past year, Robert was one of five keynote speakers. At Thursday's lunch he gave a very moving speech in which he said good-bye to his SCC family, knowing he wouldn't make to 99. He had taken up residence in a hospice by that time.

Robert also was one of the subjects of the documentary on transsexuals that aired on A&E in October. The filmmaker is preparing a much more detailed documentary film on Robert in particular. She has traveled to Atlanta three or four times in the past year for more filming.

He was a very dignified, almost courtly, country gentlemen. He wore a cowboy hat, smoked a pipe and dressed almost exclusively in black jeans and cowboy shirts. His stylized cane and cowboy boots were other Robert trademarks.

He worked in blue collar jobs, primarily as a restaurant chef, until he was disabled in a work-related accident that left him using a cane for the last few years. He moved to Atlanta from Florida several years ago and bought a small piece of land (3 or 5 acres or so) near Tocoa, which he dearly loved.

From Lola Cola:

I feel so fortunate to have been with him when he left, standing in for the many who love him, and sending him off with our collective love and admiration.

This past week had been especially difficult for him, painwise, so the doctor re-installed a morphine pump and medicated him very heavily on Thursday, and he remained unconscious until the end. The last words he spoke to me on Wednesday were "I love you".

Friday afternoon, the hospice informed me that they expected him to pass in a few days, and I went into a shocked tailspin. Having watched Robert battle back so many times in these past months, I had begun to expect that he would outlive us all. At any rate, it was especially fortunate that a good group of Robert's friends were gathered. Many prayers were aimed in his direction, and I was blessed with an abundance of loving support for which i am very thankful. Several people visited him and I am particularly grateful to Erin Swenson who visited with him both personally and in a pastoral capacity.

Moments before he left, I was overwhelmed by this incredibly strong sense of him, and just then his breathing changed, so I gathered him in my arms and told him how very much I love him, and he departed. The sky had been completely cloud covered, but when I stepped outside into the cold night, it had cleared directly overhead and was full of stars.

More than anything else, Robert lived for other people; family and friends were everything to him.

He is survived by his parents, Joe and Pauline, his two sons, Doug and Bo, his brothers, Frank and Oogie, and the apple of his eye, his grandson, Keegan. Also, he had taken in numerous foster kids earlier in life. Robert had an enormous heart, there was room for everyone, everyone he met was important; I don't know that he had many "casual acquaintances".. with Robert, friendships of the deepest sort developed very quickly.

Please forgive me, but i feel compelled to mention something unpleasant I consider important. I am left with this enormous hole in my heart that may never completely heal, and it's possible that it all might have been completely unnecessary. Robert had been diagnosed with cancer roughly 3 years ago, months later than he should have been, due to the unwillingness of the "caring professional" medical people to deal with a transman. He was turned away by over 20 doctors and clinics because they weren't comfortable treating someone of his ilk. When he finally found someone that would treat him, he underwent radiation and chemo treatments, but it was all too late to be effective. I can't help but think that if he had found help immediately upon seeking it, things might have been very different. I feel like this beautiful person i love so much was casually sentenced to death for being different. This is so outrageous, so completely unacceptable, I feel we absolutely MUST press for change. Such a thing should never happen to anyone. At the moment, I'm clueless as to how to proceed, but I don't intend to remain so for long.

It seems that this sort of discrimination is way more common for ftm people than mtf. Adequate medical care is very difficult for transguys and many go for years, even decades without seeing a doctor. This absolutely must not be allowed to continue, and i believe we can manage to raise whatever kind of stink is required to put a stop to it. Please do what you can.