Why Am I Me?

Almost as far back as I can remember, it was obvious to me that I was different. I remember a growing need to discover why everyone seemed to think that the individual person who was me needed to be changed into someone different. The best way to find the answer, or so I was told by a sympathetic acquaintance, was to study Anthropology in college. That way I would be free to study the latest advances in medicine, psychology, and any other related subjects while making use of a large university library. Unfortunately, before I could find an answer, I fulfilled all the requirements for a doctorate. At that point, the only way to continue studying was to teach, which I did for two years. Even after I left teaching for the more financially rewarding field of software consulting, I continued to keep up with the latest developments in sex and gender studies in hopes that an answer would eventually come.

Early on I knew from my own personal experiences that any purely psychological (or parapsychological) explanations were inadequate to explain why we are who we are. Thus even before twin studies, such as the famous one in Minnesota, verified that our personalities are mostly the result of our biology, I was firmly convinced that biology had to be the dominant influence. But I refused to fall into the trap of assuming that genetics was all there was to our biology, or that the environment counts for little. Human beings are complex creatures, and any theory of sex and gender has to take that complexity into account.

Along the way the bits and pieces seemed to come together, almost on their own, to produce a theory of human sex and gender. As I learned more about myself, the theory took on a personal dimension that bridged the gap between the events of my personal history and the abstract discoveries of the medical establishment. What I wish to present here is the short version of the theory.

It starts with the genes.

Most of us are aware by now that our biological sex is determined by the sex chromosomes we inherit from our parents. A person who inherits two X chromosomes (XX) will be born a biological female, and a person who inherits an X and a Y chromosome (XY) will be born a biological male. Most of the time this is true. But sometimes something different happens.

Occasionally a person is born with only one single chromosome - always an X. This condition is known as Turner's Syndrome. Individuals born with this syndrome are always biologically female, and have bodies and personalities that are almost caricatures of the stereotypical woman. So much so, in fact, that it can be disconcerting the first time someone meets a woman with Turner's syndrome.

Other unusual genetic possibilities include XX males, XY females, XXY males, XXY females, XXX males, XXX females, and a surprising number of other variations. Mother nature, it seems, always allows for more variation than society recognizes. Often people with these unusual genetic variations have normal appearing male or female bodies. But for approximately 1 person in 2000, their biological sex will not fall neatly into the socially defined male/female duality. Until recently, the usual medical reaction to these "anomalous" individuals was to intervene with surgery to force them to fit into society's preconceived male/female pattern. Within the past year, however, the medical establishment has had to re-think this policy. It seems the long-term psychological effects on the subjects of the surgery has not resulted in their fitting comfortably into society. Instead, upon reaching maturity most of them have problems with their sex and gender identification. Only here at the end of the twentieth century has the medical establishment finally admitted that it is not possible to force everyone into the old socially defined, overly simplistic male/female duality, thereby calling into question the validity of the duality itself. Thus it's safe to say that while our genetic inheritance usually determines that our biological sex will be either male or female, there really are other possibilities.

Then comes the womb.

Our genetic inheritance is determined at conception, but it is possible for events in the womb during the first three months of pregnancy to override that inheritance and change the sex of the developing embryo. It is also during the first three months that the brain structures that define our gender get wired in a more male or more female pattern.

At conception, and for the first 5 - 6 weeks of development, everyone is female. During this time, all embryos start forming the basic female structures - uterus, fallopian tubes, and vagina. At about 6 weeks, a genetic switch ordinarily located on the Y chromosome turns on and begins the process of turning the female embryo into a biological male. In a few instances the switch is missing, so even though the embryo has a Y chromosome as well as an X chromosome, the individual will be born female. Also, in a very few instances the switch will actually be located on the X chromosome instead of the Y chromosome. The result will be an XX male. The nascent female organs in the original embryo are dissolved, and testicles start to grow, which, in turn, start producing testosterone. From here on, the embryo will probably develop as a male. (If, for whatever reason, the switch is not turned on, the embryo will always develop as a female.)

I used the word "probably" because we're not at the end of the process yet. If for some reason a large dose of estrogen (or an estrogenic substance) should flood the womb at the appropriate time during the development of the embryo, someone who is genetically male could be born as a biological female instead. And of course, a large dose of testosterone (or an androgenic substance) flooding the womb at the same time in the development process would cause someone who is genetically female to be born a biological male. Either way, a flood of inappropriate hormones can override the genetics and change the sex of the developing embryo.

Our biological sex is determined by the genes we inherit and by the hormonal environment in the womb. Our gender, on the other hand, being primarily a result of the way the brain is wired, is more a product of events that happen in the womb. During the nine months of gestation, the human brain does not grow evenly; different parts develop at different times and grow at different rates. In general, the older and more primitive brain structures are wired first, and the younger, more complex structures develop later. The different brain structures that underlay our gender also develop and get wired at different times. Thus gender can appear in more varied forms than sex.

What the scientists who study such things are discovering is that, depending on the strength and type of the hormones in the womb, the length of time the hormone is present, and the time it starts and stops being present, a number of different outcomes may result. A strong flood of inappropriate hormones at the right time can change a person's biological sex. A strong flood coming slightly later, can change the wiring of the developing brain without altering the biological sex, leaving the person with a gender that is entirely different from his or her sex. That is, a true transgender.

But that's still not the end of the process. A strong hormone flood of short duration can cause only some of the brain circuits that determine our gender to be wired differently. For example, a short hormone flood during the development of the brain circuit that determines the object of our sexual desires can lead to an individual who is born a homosexual, but who otherwise has a gender that is appropriate for his or her biological sex. But timing is not all that can vary. A milder hormonal flood at this time would lead to an individual whose brain gets wired in a way that is between the male pattern and the female pattern. A person with this kind of wiring pattern would be born a bisexual. And of course, if there is no flood of inappropriate hormone, the individual would be born a heterosexual. In practice, since the strength of the hormonal flood can vary from non-existent to extremely strong, the end result should best be though of as a continuum with the majority of people on the heterosexual end, a smaller number on the homosexual end, and a whole range of variations in between.

A hormone flood at a slightly later time would cause the "display" circuit to be wired differently. The "display" circuit is one that has long been known to exist in both animals and humans. This is the circuit that controls mating behavior in animals. In humans it controls how we present ourselves in a sexual context. I personally think there's enough evidence to show that when this circuit is wired differently, the result will produce a cross-dresser. And just as we saw with the previous example, the result could take many forms spread along a continuum from those who have no desire to cross-dress to those who do it full time. This continuum can account for the fact that some people are satisfied wearing a single garment of the other sex, some people cross-dress only occasionally, some do it only under specific conditions, all the way to those who cross-dress full time. I must point out that while changes to this circuit can account for such things as single garment cross-dressing, environmental factors will determine which garment or type of garment is actually used.

There appear to be still more circuits, but our knowledge of them is not as great, so the most I can say is that I believe that when some of these circuits get wired differently, the person will be born with a particular kind of fetish.

Other variations in the strength and timing of the hormone flood can lead to a person who is halfway between a transgender and a person whose gender is congruent with their sex. These bigenders are the gender equivalent of bisexuals. The brain circuits of bigenders seem to all be wired in the half-way state between male and female. When only some gender circuits are affected by the hormonal flood, the result is people whose gender is partially congruent with their biological sex with some elements that are appropriate to the other sex. I refer to this as mixgender. In practice it does appear that if one brain circuit gets miswired, there's a possibility that at least one other will be miswired too. And finally, there are a few people whose gender identity is "unstable" in that it does not remain constant all the time. I refer to this as varigender. Where bigendered people seem to have all of their brain circuits wired in the half-way state, varigendered people seem to have an equal mix of circuits that are wired in either the male or female pattern. Mixgendered people, in contrast, have a predominance of one type of gender circuit without being fully either gender. Because there are so many possible variations in the way gender can manifest itself, I've come to use the more neutral and inclusive term "noncongruents" instead of the more traditional "transgender" or "bigender"

Then comes the environment.

The result of recent studies on identical twins seems to be telling us that something like 75% of our personality is the result of our biology, and the remaining 25% is determined by the environment. In particular, the things that happens to us during the first year or so after we are born, and again during puberty, seems to determine the final form of our personalities. The first five years of life are very important to personality development, and within those years, the first is the most critical. This is the period during which the patterns can be set which will eventually manifest as S&M, B&D, and other such strongly hierarchical behavior patterns. Later on, during puberty, there appears to be some form of imprinting mechanism, which, if imprinted under specific conditions can lead to certain other forms of fetishism, such as those for rubber, leather, silk, and the like.

Conclusion.

Our sex is determined by our genes as modified by events that happen in the womb during the first three months of pregnancy. Our gender also has a genetic component, but is more a product of events that happen in the womb. Depending on the strength and timing of the release of hormones in the womb, different parts of the brain (which represent different brain circuits) can be wired to be more male, more female, or balanced in between the two. It is possible for the brain to be entirely miswired in such a way that the gender circuits are all inappropriate for the biological sex. It's also possible for selective miswiring to take place. By the time we are born, three-quarters of what makes us who we are has already happened. The remaining one-quarter can give final form to our gender by filling in the specifics, but it can't change our biological sex nor can it dramatically alter our gender identity. It can, however, add certain forms of fetishism, or other final form, to the already existing structures. And finally, some change is still possible after puberty, but it is rare, and is always the product of an extremely traumatic situation.

There's one final point that needs to be made. I do believe that the medical establishment will eventually arrive at the same conclusions that I have. When that time comes, certain segments of the American populace will inevitably decide that, in light of this information, we should all be "cured," whether we want to be or not. A frightening thought, but one we will probably have to face in the not too distant future.