Transsexuals of the Mind: Opening Doors

Before I go anywhere with this piece I want to acknowledge that it is almost certainly going to be controversial. Bear with me. I will happily entertain correspondence, and comment and respond in time. But please don't just write, if you write at all, and say it is nonsense... unless you have a constructive opinion.

And the second point I need to make is who and why I have come to these conclusions. At the time of writing I am sixty two years of age. I have been an active crossdresser since I was ten. I am a journalist and author by profession and my training has provided me with the skills to undertake proper research and investigation. I have been working on this theory for sixteen years and have spoken with, either directly or indirectly, over three hundred crossdressers from seven countries, from every imaginable occupation and age group, and not once but many times, so that the evidence has been built over a period of time. Thus, these conclusions are not spontaneous.

I believe that all dedicated crossdressers are, at the least, transsexuals of the mind. This is to say if there were no barriers almost all of us would prefer to live, work and play as women. The relatively large numbers of mid-life transsexuals of the body support this theory but there are many other pieces of evidence. These days the categories of gender fluid people — males most commonly — have broadened. Once, as a result of a term coined by Professor Doctor Magnus Hirschfeld, we were all just transvestites. But to some extent the term came into minor disrepute when the media picked up on it and used it, most commonly, to describe gay crossdressers who dressed for the purpose of soliciting men — straight men if they could get away with it. As well, it is a somewhat clinical term and harsher than the English translation from the Latin root. And, it seems, neither word goes far enough. So we invented transgendered which seems to mean a male person who lives as a woman but who chooses not to undertake any form of radical surgery, or someone who simply thinks of them self that way. But there are also such terms as ambi-sexual, gender enhanced, ambigendered. We can call ourselves whatever we wish but I believe we are all transsexual.

To illustrate this assertion I am going to use what I refer to as the Doors of Opportunity Theory. This means nothing more than the apparent reality that we, all of us, tread paths which lead... somewhere, and along these paths we find doors and sometimes the doors are locked and it takes a while to find the key, and sometimes the doors are barred forever and we progress no further. But significantly when we do find the keys we almost always continue along these paths until we come across our own barred door; the one which absolutely precludes further progress. Commonly, and I believe almost without exception, we would love to find a way to unbar that door and if we could — and/or when we do — we will progress further.

Perhaps some examples are in order here.

As children or young teens, when most of us, for whatever reasons, discovered the need to crossdress we were limited by the lack of opportunity — fear of discovery, available clothing, time alone. This is when we came upon our first locked door. Forget the timing here because some of us found the key to that first door quite young and for others it remained locked for quite a while. But eventually most of us did discover the key, opened the door and progressed along the next passageway — a very real "rite of passage." This most usually happened when we moved out of the family home and began to live alone, and found ways to acquire female clothes and make up and the time to make use of these things. The next apparently locked door is usually brought about by one of two reasons. The first is the need to get out of the house. The second is the need to share with someone else, a girlfriend or fiancee or wife. There are two doors here in fact and one or the other may be breached and lead to the next, but often the passageway between these two doors is quite short. You go out. To somewhere safe at first and then, perhaps, somewhere a little more adventuresome.

But there is another door which may preclude this adventure for some and that's the door of passibility. Thousands of crossdressers have the capacity to transform themselves, if not into attractive women, at least into a state of acceptability. But thousands don't, and for them it may be that the door to the outside is permanently locked. And this will be as far as they go. They will remain closeted to some extent. But that does not mean the need and the desire to go further is not present. And it is agonizing.

The other, often adjacent door, is the door to exposure. It is equally agonizing to live this double life alone. So we, most of us, try to share it, to tell someone close and most commonly the woman we are about marry, or have already married. The key to this door is very meaningful. The level of acceptance of this revelation will often mean the door becomes fully open, ajar, or permanently or semi-permanently locked. And I say semi-permanently because in many cases the key is discovered again when the relationship becomes impossible and we split.

If this door is fully opened, that is to say we have found a partner who is accepting and supportive, we will progress further down the next hallway until... what? There will be another door. It would seem that about 30% to 40% of wives, SOs or partners are agreeable to some level of crossdressing activity but far, far fewer are prepared to entertain the idea of any kind of permanent arrangement. But does that mean the idea of a next step goes away. No it doesn't. The majority of us will accept the imposed limitations and keep to whatever agreement we have made, perhaps forever.

Here it is that we reach our conflict and my assertion that all — perhaps I will say very nearly all — of us would like to open that final door to some kind of permanent state is based on this premise. It is of no significance, really, whether we would chose to undergo SRS or not. What we are dealing with here is a state of mind. It us very significant that the need to crossdress on a regular — more regular? — basis intensifies with the aging process. What compromises we make are far easier at, say, 30 than they are at 50, when it seems the idea that we are running out of time becomes relevant.

So that, even if the locked door remains barred and appears barred forever, and we go into denial, the desire, the need, the want to dress and live as a woman remains. Thus we are transsexuals of the mind.

I want to cite an example, and I know it's only one, and we can't base a hypothesis on a single case, but it is significant and the person I am referring to is not alone.

Ms S. was closeted totally until the age of 37. Thereafter she was closeted within a relationship until the age of 67. When her spouse died she found the key to the final door. She has never had SRS nor even considered it but she has not worn an item of male clothing since she opened the door and she is now 84.

At the age of 62 the key to my final door takes three forms. One is my relationship with my spouse who is very supportive but who would not entertain the idea of permanency. The second is my work which is in television where I have always been seen as male and could not continue to work were I to transition. The third is my family. My grandchildren would be just too confused to handle it.

But... if none of those barriers existed I would be transitioning tomorrow. And from the many, many hours of conversations with other crossdressers I have enjoyed, or suffered, over the past thirty years, one hundred percent of them would be doing the same. Although in some cases it took long time — often a few years — for them to make this admission.

I rest my case.