Reflections:

The Comfort Zone

Every now and then I think back on the path I've traveled and where I'm heading. We all take a journey, and some of us have goals and directions, and others go wherever the path takes us. For me I've set my goals based on real life situations. True, I've dreamed of fantasies, but I must face reality. I have a family that relies on me for their well being, and I have other social and work responsibilities, all of which are also important to me. My fantasies include a complete transition to full time. But I know this is pure fantasy for me, as I could not fulfill my other responsibilities. Living this fantasy would be purely selfish. Therefore I set limits for myself that, while satisfying my femme needs, also satisfied my other life commitment's. I still enjoy my male part and there are some "guy" things I really like to do. On the other hand, at my age, I'll never have the young gorgeous look some of the other gals have. At least not without lots of surgery. I found a place that I'm comfortable with. While I'll never achieve the perfect look, I've managed, through lots of practice and asking lots of questions, learned to look my best and be quite passable. To me, this is a major accomplishment and really fulfills my femme needs.

When I first came out, I had only a vague idea of where I wanted to go. I had sort of decided to see how well I could look. Once I had self confidence, I decided to test out my look in public. Was I afraid, actually, no. Rather, I was more curious as to other peoples reactions. Once I saw there was virtually no reaction, I began exploring the avenues. Careful study of other women gave me the ideas as to what to wear and how to act. With each successful outing, I gained more confidence. I think that it was these things that lead me to my current comfort level. I found that catalog shopping provided me with more than just clothes. Studying of the pictures provided valuable information about style combinations, color combinations, what shoes worked well with what outfits, accessories to use, jewelry matches with the clothes and even makeup. Yes, the models all wear makeup and it is adjusted to fit the clothes that they are modeling. Close-up pictures give a lot of information on just how to put it on. Also, looking for models with my face shape helped. Hair styles helped me pick my wig styles.

After some time had elapsed, I found myself wanting to get out more and more. I wanted to go out dressed in elegant clothes. Nice suites and dresses were more fun to wear than slacks and shirts. How to wear what you wanted in public and still not stand out became a challenge. I carefully selected my outings for occasions that allowed me to wear the appropriate clothes and still fit in. Dinner out at a nice restaurant worked. Sunday mornings also was a good time. Special holidays and that occasional dressed for business outing to a swanky store also worked. Upscale malls find more well dressed women than the typical mall does. Likewise the expensive department stores expect women to dress well. Restaurants catering to the elderly sometimes finds the patrons dressed in dresses. My choice of an elderly woman look allows me to dress up more, as older women typically dress up when they go shopping.

Now I began to experiment with makeup colors. Combinations of colors. Accents on the eyes, nail colors and finishes, all allowed me to refine my look. I'm not one who spends countless hours getting the face perfect. I do, however, like to present a nice look, such as would be expected from your typical woman going out for the evening. Remember, most woman are OK with makeup but not highly skilled. They know what makes them look good without taking excessive time to get there. That's my philosophy.

Do I want to go further? I would like to! Will I go there? Probably not! I'm in my comfort zone for now. I pass, and I have the attitude and confidence. And of those, confidence is the most important. I still collect clothes. Most of my outfits have been worn once. I enjoy making an appearance in a new frock and having the girls complement me on my tastes. I've experienced what I consider true feminine sensations. And I've been accepted as a woman by both the public and GG friends. With that I think I've achieved my goals, I'm in my comfort zone!