I recently decided to be bold and "come out" to one of my younger brothers about my transvestism. I know that I didn't really have to tell him, but as I'm sure many of you can understand, I feel an almost irresistible desire to "come clean" with those who are close to me. I do not care at all for the feeling that I am living some sort of a "lie" around my family. I reasoned that if I could tell just one person of my little "secret", that would go a long way to alleviate that feeling.

Since I have always felt close to my little brother "Bud," I long ago selected him as my "target" should I ever have the nerve to "come out" to a family member. He has always struck me as a very easy going and open-minded individual. It seems like I have always been able to discuss things with him that I haven't been able to with my other brothers. We have spent quite a bit of time fishing together over the years and there's no doubt that the time spent together in my boat has done nothing but strengthen the bond between us.

The plan to "announce" myself was straightforward. After ensuring that it was all right with my wife, I simply emailed the URL of my page to "Bud." Perhaps this method was a tad cowardly, but there's little doubt that it was far easier to let my web page do the talking rather than fumbling with the words on the phone or in person.

A short while later I checked my email and found that he had responded promptly. This was a good sign. As I read his note, I began to feel somewhat confused. "Bud's" brief response described things about himself that were already known to me with the exception of one little teensy weensy item. He was gay! And I thought that I had news! "Bud" told "Leah" that he had always known that he was gay and was just now coming to grips with the fact that none of his family members knew about him. He then thanked "Leah" for being the vehicle for his oldest brother's "coming out."

Apparently I wasn't thinking clearly after reading his message. Perhaps I was still agog over my "announcement" or maybe it was "Bud's" unexpected news that threw me for a loop. Whatever the reason, I failed to realize that he hadn't recognized me in the photos on my page. (I honestly felt that the moment that he saw the pictures he'd know exactly whose page it was.) I decided to call him immediately. I just had to know why he mentioned things in the email that I already knew about him. (Except for his announcement of being gay.)

After the customary greetings I asked, "So what about the last email you sent me?"

He hesitated, then asked, "What about it? I sent you one last Wednesday. I told you I'd be home for Thanksgiving. That's the last one that I sent you."

"No, not that one, nimrod. The last email you sent to me!" I exclaimed.

"That was the last one I sent to you," he said. There was a hint of concern in his voice now.

"What about the email you sent to that "Leah" person?" I asked coyly.

He paused and then warily said, "Huh?"

I laughed and told him who "Leah" really was. There was a short silence and then we both began to laugh.

"This is so cool," he sputtered.

"Yeah it is," I said and rubbed at my eyes.

"Does this surprise you about your big brother?" I asked him.

"It sure does," he laughed. "I had no idea that was you on that web page."

"You really didnít?" I spouted in utter amazement.

"Nope, not at all." We laughed again.

He then told me of agonizing about telling anyone in the immediate family about his homosexuality. We discussed what we thought the reaction would be of various family members if we were to "out" ourselves to them. Though we laughed as we discussed it, the prospects seemed grim for ready acceptance from most of the family.

"You know that sooner or later I'll want to bring home a boyfriend," he said with a hint of resignation in his voice. "And I don't think that it'll go over well."

"Probably not," I replied, with equal resignation.

We both agreed though that eventually he'd have no choice but to tell the family. I told him that I'd be there to help if he felt that I could.

"You'll just have pick your time and tell them. It's up to them how they handle it," I offered. "This isn't a choice that you made and hopefully they'll understand that. You never know, they may take it better than we think."

"We can only hope," "Bud" responded.

Eager to change to a happier subject, I blurted out, "Hey maybe now you can video me as "Leah" while we're out fishing." I immediately pictured myself in a cobalt blue swimsuit and a big floppy straw hat battling Muskies on a dreamy Ontario afternoon.

"Well now that we're officially in the same boat, I guess that I can," said "Bud."