Take It Off...Take It All Off!

Bobbi was my little (well, big actually) secret and I was always afraid that a bit of mascara or nail polish would be the incriminating tip off--probably wrong, but the paranoia was very real.) As a result, I learned what the best ways were to make sure that there weren't any tell-tale traces left when Bobbi was left behind.

Of course, it didn't hurt that I had been a drama minor and done some theater work, so I had learned some of the essentials, but the fact was that back then the bit of leftover stage makeup wasn't a problem; it was more like a badge of honor than any cause for embarrassment.

I've since seen a lot written about how to put on make-up, but very little about how to take it off. So, for those among us who may still be struggling with the task, here's some of the basics I've learned over the years.

The Essential Items

If nothing else, stock up on cold cream and buy some Eye Makeup Remover Pads, Baby Oil, Nail Polish Remover, cotton balls, and tissues. You might also want a disposable washcloth (i.e. one you don't mind tossing away when you're through.)

First: Remove the Foundation

I usually start here. And whether you use powder or liquid, the best thing is still cold cream. It's messy and yucky, but it works. You can either spread it on your entire face or work on one area at a time. In either case, you'll need plenty of tissues. The ads show the entire face bathed in it, but I prefer the area approach. Work on the forehead first, then the cheeks, the chin area, and lastly the lips. Simply spread on a thin layer and wipe it off. It's not very elegant, but it works.

Of course, it doesn't get everything off, but it does take care of the bulk and it clears the way so you can concentrate on the finer details.

Next: The Eyes

This is a little trickier. What you'll find is that the cold cream gets off some, but not all of the eye make-up. For that you'll need the pads. (Baby oil will work, and it's especially useful when there seems to be a spot that just doesn't yield to the pads, but the pads provide a tool you can use to get to the hard areas.) They're soaked in the baby oil, so you can slide them along the eye line and zero in on particularly hard to get areas. Of course, the magnifying mirror is essential for this task. Fold the pad in half and place one corner of the pad in the corner of your eye and guide it from one end to the other, just above the lash line. Rub, but don't scrub. Then fold the pad over to a clean portion and repeat this process until the pad comes away clean.

(I'm actually surprised at the ease with which I've learned to apply and remove eye make-up. I used to be so sensitive about it when I was doing theater work--hated having anything even close to my eyes. And, I have one VERY bad eye and must remove my glasses to put on the makeup. But like everything else, it becomes easier with practice.)

If you wear false eyelashes, the glue can be a sticky problem too. (Sorry 'bout that; sometimes those puns just sneak in there.) I've found that the baby oil is best in that case. Even when it doesn't fully remove the glue, it tends to loosen it so that you can later rub your eye softly and easily peel it off. (Keep in mind though that you shouldn't be using much glue in the first place. I apply mine to the lash with the tip of a toothpick and it usually stays with the lash when I take it off. To apply the baby oil, simply pour a small amount on your index finger, close your eye (not tightly) and slide your finger back and forth lightly along the lash line. Then wipe it gently with a tissue.

And Last: The Nails

Now, to be perfectly honest with you ladies, I have to admit that I rarely do nail polish directly on my real nails. But I do wear fake nails and put polish on them and I often have residue on my cuticles when I take the nails off. (More about that in a minute.) For removing nail polish there is still nothing like nail polish remover. The cotton balls work like the eye makeup pads--they're a tool, allowing you to zero in on the target areas. (And they fit nicely over the top of the remover bottle.)

As for taking off the fake nails, I'm afraid we're still stuck with the press-on (easy off) nails or glue-on (remove with a crowbar) nails. I use the former, but have a little trick which seems to make them stay on better. (Excuse the diversion into putting on rather than taking off, but I thought you all might be interested in this.) I press on the glue tabs and then, before I apply the nail, I zap it in the microwave for 30 - 50 seconds. The nail is then hot, which seems to cause it to bond more securely when I apply it.

The press-on nails come off fine, but the glue-ons can be a problem. One of the girls here in Austin, told me about a day when she had the house to herself and did the whole number, including the glue-on nails. Imagine her consternation when she was able remove everything--make-up, clothes, etc.--just fine, but couldn't get that last nail off. She spent over an hour on the thing, winding up hunched over her workbench in the garage with a pair of pliers, ready to rip off her finger if necessary. Fortunately, she didn't have to go that far. It finally gave up the fight and succumbed, but not before she had shed some serious tears of pain.

So...if you must do the glue-ons, buy yourself a jar of acetate and be prepared to soak. You'll need to give them at least 20 minutes in the solution and you can forget about using them again, but they WILL come off.

What About Perfume?

Glad you asked. This can be one of the more subtle signs and one you're liable to forget it, since after you've had it on for a while you're likely to have grown accustomed to it. It doesn't show up in the mirror and the fact is that a simple showering often won't remove the scent. But the best place to take care of it IS in the shower and that's usually my last stop. I use the shower to remove the last vestiges of make-up (the traces that might be in your hair, for instance) AND the scent of the cold cream, eye make-up remover, and nail polish remover. A good soapy shower will get rid of those things. (That's where the disposable washcloth comes in. If you're concerned about leaving traces, you might want a washcloth you can toss away afterward.)

As I said, a normal shower usually won't get rid of the perfume scent. To do that, I use a roofa. After lathering up the area where I used my perfume, I do a vigorous roofa scrub. (By vigorous, I simply mean that I use the roofa to loosen the dead surficial skin. I don't do it so vigorously that I hurt myself or discolor my skin.) That usually does the trick. The scent of the soap is all that remains.

Fortunately, I no longer worry as much as I once did that I would be discovered and embarrassed. But I know too well the paranoia we can feel when someone looks a little too long, causing us to rush off to the bathroom for one more look in the mirror. What did I miss? What did they see? Do they suspect something? And I know that no matter how careful we may be, we're just never 100% sure. I hope that these words have provided some relief.