Reflections On My Beginnings

By Diane Kaye


Its been a year since I came out to the TG community and to myself. In this brief time I come to know some wonderful caring people and experience feelings that most men never realize exist. I've had many discussions with my closest friends on personal issues that has helped me through tough times. As I sit at the computer typing this article, I think about my first time dressed as a woman in front of perfect strangers and how I felt.

My introduction to the Washington D.C. area's transgendered community (see Virginia listings) began with a phone call from a lady identifying herself as Lea Annette who offered to meet with me for the purpose of an interview prior to allowing my to attend a meeting. I was quite apprehensive and showed up very early. I was not dressed for this occasion as it was merely an interview that was being held at a local restaurant at noon. Finally another lady entered who seemed to be looking for someone. Out of instinct, and perhaps because I "read her", I approached and inquired if her name was Lea. She said no, but that she was with Lea, and that Lea was still getting her nails done. With that I felt relief, as I had made contact. We walked to the beauty saloon and I was introduced to Lea. As I had told Lea over the phone that I had a beard, which I had shaved that day, her first comment was " you shaved your beard". We went to lunch and were joined by two other ladies shortly. As it turned out I was with a mixture of CD's and TS's. Interestingly enough, I felt perfectly at ease from the beginning. I even went into my male mode holding doors open for the ladies, etc. After the luncheon, I was given directions to the meeting that night.

I had bought some cloths earlier for the meeting, and from my collection of lingerie, picked out the appropriate items to complete my wardrobe. Makeup was somewhat of a mystery, and I made a feeble attempt to collect the necessary items. I packed everything up and went to the meeting place, where I was told I could get dressed. As usual, I arrived early. I put on my cloths, did what I could for the face and went up to the meeting room. As it turned out this was the night the members were going to a local lingerie shop to buy. When the group returned from the shopping trip, they each modeled what they purchased. I'm sitting there looking at a group of people modeling lingerie, and not being "in" with the community yet, am thinking, my but this is a odd lot. They were all very accepting and kind, so I set aside my concerns and went with the flow. I even got some helpful tips from Jerry Lee and Helen. At that point I knew I was where I wanted to be, and resolved to come out to my wife.

I now know I did the right thing that day, though I certainly have introduced another factor into my life of complication. I have become completely comfortable with my decision and enjoy getting dressed. As I have matured in my dressing techniques, I find that my needs go beyond attending support meetings. I now try to attend one meeting a month and go out for the day and to dinner once a month also. The idea of being accepted as a woman in public is quite appealing. As a result I spend a lot of time trying to perfect my look given my age. I consider myself fortunate in being of slender build and small features. I naturally have feminine characteristics. I also have some deficiencies which I have learned to work around. I may not be the most beautiful woman, but I find I would rather be accepted than try to be what I'm not and be read. Thus, my look has become that of a youngish grandma who is stylish but tasteful in her look.


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