I reached the Village at 8.30pm. A bit early but in time to find a parking space; the whole of Manchester turns into one huge car park after 6.30pm and double yellow lines are things that happen to other people.

My first stop was Paddy's Goose, a traditional pub opposite Chorlton Street bus station. The clientele is varied: straights, gays, couples, people waiting for busses and, of course, TVs. I was the only TV there at first but this was no problem. I received a warm welcome from the staff as usual and bought a non-alcoholic drink - well, I was driving! Soon, though, I was joined by another TV called Chrissie and, together, we managed to persuade Alan the landlord to have his photo taken with us (not difficult!)

Next stop was the Via Fossa round the corner. This is a more 'trendy' venue popular with the younger element - a place to see and be seen. Once again no TVs present but never mind, it was still early.

Sure enough, after about ten minutes in walked someone I knew; Karen is what you would call a TV about town. Whether it be a gay or straight venue, she's been there and (apparently) lived to tell the tale. Another soft drink and I decided to move on. This time, Karen joined me, fascinated by this Internet thingy. we had decided to head for the New Union but were drawn by the lights of Metz across the canal.

Metz is a restaurant come bar; a very relaxed atmosphere with a distinctly European flavour. We had no sooner sat down with our drinks (a bit on the expensive side!) when in walked a gaggle of TVs and 'real' girls ('gaggle' seems like the right collective noun) out on the town and ready to party. Looking good and obviously feeling great. Karen and I, being TVs with a mission by this time, pushed off to theUnion.

Every time I go in to the Union on Princess Street it seems to have got bigger. That's mainly because it has. This place is so popular they've had to push the walls back to get the people in. Things were hotting up by this time and there was no problem finding camera-hungry TVs to have their photos taken. We stayed for a while to hear some moans about boyfriends and to watch the dancers and then, regretfully, felt that we'd better move on. It was time for our first club.

New York, New York, so good they named it twice. This particular New York, New York is half pub and half club. When the pub closes you just walk through in to the club. Very compact and bijou. this place has a tranny DJ as well as a tranny audience, and the music....when they bought this PA system the brief was obviously, 'Make it loud.......no, wait, make it louder than that.....' Blood trickles down your earrings as you try in vain to order a drink, your mouth millimetres from the barman's ear. I once got chatted up in here and never heard a thing. eventually, by a complex system of hand signals and facial expressions, we decided to move on to our final port of call for the evening, Napoleon's.

I love this place. There, I've said it. It's my favourite venue in the village. Here you can find a complete cross-section of society. Some people swan in in suits and ball gowns; others slum along in tee-shirt and trainers - wonderful.

Napoleon's is actually on two floors. The ground floor is a kind of bar with large TV screens playing MTV cuts. The upstairs is a disco walled with mirrors. Anyway, I chatted and danced and took photos and, yes, I got chatted up but then again, so did every other TV in the place! Well, you can't blame these guys for trying can you?

Finally, it was time to say goodnight, go home and, with a sense of regret, take the make-up off. But I'm already looking forward to next week!